ok i'm in

Inspired by Masonh7's The Bodyguard

Bashar shared this video for Amir, who recently left Gaza for Egypt. Bashar and Amir are friends who did parkour together and spent time entertaining kids in the displacement camps.

Bashar is also raising money to leave Gaza via Go Fund Me. Bashar is on Instagram @ basharzaneen.

Ghost of the strongest

writing a book that is very similar to feelings you had a year and a half ago is a great way to cope. HOWEVER it makes editing the book very hard, as it is re-reading the pain you felt, and are still trying to heal from. The story and the concepts are outstanding. I love it dearly. The place I was in when I wrote that, not so much. Of course, that also isn't the whole of the book, but it is a large portion of it. And it's rather exhausting.

might sound lame af but i'm in my goober, scab, dry era. i'm leaving movie reviews for french movies on my insta story. i'm listening to knocked loose and la dispute like a motherfucker. i'm a barista at a fucking coffee house. if i was a skinny, white 23 year old dude this would make more sense, however i am a mid, 19 year old she/they (also white, though). perhaps this is on par and the expected trajectory—especially since i am making a satirical text post about this...

the term girlboss is utterly aggravating because it doesn't come near the reality and hardships that a feminine rage is charged by. A girlboss from the booktok perspective is really just a woman who is strong because she can fight or delivers quippy lines. for me, personally, there is no boss or maleboss character archetype (maybe male main characters like percy jackson, eragon, or thomas from maze runner). but even them are strong guys with a traditional heroic moral compass. a girlboss in popular fantasy novels have to hit certain marks to make them *cool* and *strong*. yes, those boys do too, which is why the could easily be named, but there is not a huge standard or wear and tear for those three. they all stand out on their own despite archetypal similarities. feyre, aelin, jude (from the little I know), and maybe even inej are fighters, assassins, have a knockout skillset of some kind. they do not have very much depth. I'm sorry to their fans, but from what i know, they really don't. depth is not all that's required to make a character good—not at all. it is quite hard to craft a character that is compelling. but the transparency and reality that feminine rage is, can solemn be found in more mainstream, past ten-ish years of (primarily fantasy) books.

I hate how the booktokification of the “unhinged woman” genre has completely reduced the concept of female rage to just “girlboss” without taking seriously how important it is to unequivocally portray female rage.

Throughout the history of literature, we’ve been given countless instances of women in despair and in sadness but save for a few writers (take Euripides, for example), we’ve rarely ever been given angry women who aren’t the villains or the foil for the perfect poised passive princess. Female rage has constantly been subdued and erased or warped into “she’s just batshit crazy” in pretty much every society.

And now that publishing and media marketing has reduced women showing rage in books to the “white hypersexual girlboss with a knife”, instead of uplifting the way women are allowed to have more dimension and sympathy in their visible anger than ever in literature, the media still isn’t taking this subgenre seriously.

I realized that both 100 years of solitude and Cowboy Bebop are about cycles of loneliness and how your relationship with other people mold you and your fate.

They are works that look at you and ask can you really blame this character for this fate? For the choices they made? When you know their past, their previous and current relationships? Yeah it was avoidable, but how could this character make a different choice?

the reason i don't do digital art frequently is because I love the freedom of piecing things together physically—collages, drawings on sticky notes, a crumpled receipt, tissue with blood on it all tacked or taped or glued onto one surface. there is an artist who is an exception to this, in my mind, and changes it—making me wanted to do digital art (@/artcyll on instagram).

compositions are my favorite part of art. I love looking at how figures flow or fight in a painting or what-have-you. all the little notes taped and moving parts on a sketch book spread.

Artists:

I'm just so curious. For me it'd really be a tie between line art and coloring

The Manner of Me

19x25 inch mi teintes, colored with soft pastels, mini portrait done with charcoal.

given my appreciation for neo-classical art, merging the old with the new, and recognizing the past for what you have become, was the natural route for me to take. the assignment was only a portrait, but i took it upon myself to do two. the mini photo is a kindergarten photo of myself, while the large one i took a couple weeks ago. they are over a decade apart. in more than ten years a lot has changed about me—for better or for worse. i needed to set aside time to understand that and let it sink in. the manner of me has always been optimistic, but how far can i stand it?

i was watching supernatural with my sister and pointed out how sam was wearing a v neck shirt. she laughed and said that she doesn't mind seeing cleavage and also told me not to be a prude (╥﹏╥)

portrait on canson toned paper, charcoal under drawing, conte soft pastels on top.

model: https://newpandemics.com/models/cameron

i wanted to issue an apology lol.

i don't have a lot of mutuals or anyone following me for a particular reason on this blog—it's pretty small. however, i wanted to apologize for the influx of rants and supernatural content. tumblr has increasingly become a safe space for me because no one i know follows me, and the two that do aren't that active (they are trusted people, though). so sorry if the things i have been posting isn't your cup of tea or is all over the place!

In a perfect world they would have written a plotline where Dean becomes addicted to angel grace because it was the only thing that keeps the effects of the mark of cain at bay.

In a perfect world it would have been the perfect parallel to Sam's demon blood junkie arc

In a perfect world, Cas would have been Deans Ruby

IN A PERFECT WORLD THATS HOW THEY WOULDVE GOTTEN TOGTHER

which is an absolutely wild thing to do after teasing demon!dean a few times during season three, leading up to dean being taken to hell. demon!dean would've been such an interesting addition or direction to have taken, rather than splitting up the brothers. even better would be dean and sam having these roles that s4 set up, but flipping them on their head with dean actually being a demon, making sam's abilities be a lesser severity in comparison.

this is not a means of pitting the two against each other. having the brothers but succumbing in their own ways to demonic themes, deviating from what both sides wanted from them would have been such a cruel narrative, and much more dynamic in terms of themes. i am currently on episode 5 of s4 (second rewatch of the show), so the take might not be the freshest or brightest. i have just noticed a lot of evilbaiting for the both of them and it does not really get pushed the way it had been teased or set up.

Still funny that spn s4 framed the difference between Sam and Dean as:

This is Sam Winchester, Boy King of Hell(tm), true vessel of Lucifer, who is fated to go dark side and fight on the side of hell, and he has a demon, Ruby, that he has a strangely romantic and sexual relationship with

Meanwhile, this is Dean Winchester, the Righteous Man(tm), true vessel of Michael, who is fated to fight on the side of heaven, and he has an angel, Castiel, that he has a [REDACTED]

why am i laying in bed fantasizing over what i would say to my ex if i ran into them at the goddamn grocery store? why am i hoping to have a fling with a fling from two years ago, send a reparations text to the first boyfriend i ever had, that something actually works out with an old crush, that i meet someone new at literally any little outing i go on?

i swear to god it has always been some foolish part of me. there has always been something missing.

no matter how happy i could be, i'm either thinking one or both of the following: something is missing, something is going to go wrong very soon.

i can't have nice things because i am always looking for something that is missing. there's this hole, this yearning, this hatred for another an 'else' a 'more.' nothing that i have has ever been quite right.

even when i was a fucking pre-schooler i relished in having a crush, especially on my best friends (who were boys).

i primarily get off to women but i know i can never or may never date one because my mom would never love me again.

literally i want peace so bad.

i took this quiz that was 'what you think you want versus what you actually need.' it gutted me because it said i wanted nothing but need a nice pen to be able to get out my thoughts. it said some other things to write with the pen, but i can't remember them right now,

it is just a fucking quiz but i cling to have someone write something so profound about me. i want to be able to care about one particular person because they saved me and i want them to have a similar sort of peace with me.

i know i am saying that i want things after mentioning the quiz, but it's still true. i want nothing because i don't actually know what i want.

yes, i said i want someone, but i know that that isn't the best for me and definitely not for someone else, especially given the mental state i am in right now.

my fucking ex called me yesterday and asked how this market i was a vendor at went. sure, that was nice of them to do, but literally fuck you. that's all you want to ask me about after not talking for over a month?

what happened to how you wanted to stay friends, come back to my house, and all this other shit? hopefully they fucking realized one, you can't be friends with your exes, at least, not when you screwed with their emotional stability like they did to me.

i didn't realize how hurt i am until the past few weeks. and i swear they fucking started the call like we did when we were together. they don't fucking get it. they will never understand. and here i am yet again typing bullshit out for all of tumblr to read.

i feel like a burden telling this to anyone.

I once met a man so fine he had me singing Hozier songs.