the-one-eighteen - Tumblr blog

the-one-eighteen · 4 years

Note

You asleep? I just feel calmer. When I’m with you. Stay For the soft conversation starters. You can use them together or separate! It’s up to you ❤️

I am. So sorry this took so long! But, I finally got it to a point where I like it, and enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy!

(read on ao3)

Eddie couldn’t say when he fell asleep. He vaguely remembers getting out of the showers at the end of his shift. Blearily recalls catching Buck’s eye across the locker room, and answering a questioning eyebrow with a signal for five more minutes. Knows he got in a car at some point.

But the line connecting point A to point B ends about the time Buck unlocked the door to his apartment and they both tumbled inside, if he’s being honest.

What little he can now make out of the dark living room seems to suggest their normal night in - open, empty take out containers from the Chinese place down the block on the table in front of them, tv screen black from where it’d powered off after too long sitting inactive. The light streaming in from the windows is flickering off and on, that same damn lightpost that’s needed it’s bulb replaced for the last two months or so - longer, if he takes Buck’s word for it.

The night around them is quiet at this point (though, what actual point that is is anyone’s guess. He’s groggy as hell, so...late is about all he’s got), with only the occasional rumbling of a car coming down the road, and more distant but ever present white noise of a city that never truly sleeps.

If Eddie tries really, really hard, all of that fades out pretty easily, leaving him in just this moment.

In the warm dark. On Buck’s familiar couch. With Buck’s achingly familiar warmth pressed against his side from where they’d fallen asleep leaning against each other. God, Eddie could melt back into sleep, just like that, if given the chance.

He didn’t get this often. Didn’t let himself get this often. It was too close to something he wanted - something he couldn’t have but was so tantalizingly close that if he didn’t know better, he’d bet Buck was toeing the same line he was.

But he wasn’t. Because that wasn’t Eddie’s luck. And Buck was a tactile bundle of electricity that pressed up against anything he could and anyone lucky enough to be caught in his wake just needed to hold on tight.

And looking too closely at how often he ended up on Buck’s couch - or, God forbid, how often Buck ended up on his, with Chris between them, all three of them curled into their own little bubble that made Eddie’s heart hurt with the comfort - well...that way madness lay.

So. Eddie didn’t allow himself this often. Or, so he told himself.

If only because his heart couldn’t take it.

But he was only so strong. And if the opportunity was going to land in his lap, who the hell was he to fight it.

He’d just about relaxed back into the couch, carefully tilting his head back against Buck’s where it was resting against his shoulder. If he was quiet enough in his want, maybe he could keep this a little longer. Stretch the moment out into the golden illusion of an early morning, if only for a breath.

But then he feels Buck shift against him. Feels the set to his shoulders stiffen as he wakes up slowly.

Eddie’s quiet in that moment. It’s selfish, and he knows it, but…

“You asleep?” It’s so soft that Eddie knows he could get away with pretending to not hear it. Is left to wonder why it’s so quiet for only a moment before Buck carefully shifts again.

“...Yeah.” Eddie finds himself murmuring back, even as he wishes he could pull that quiet sleepiness back around them. Knows it’s slipping between his fingers even as he pulls himself away to stretch. Like he hadn’t been up for several too long, too short minutes. “Looks like we missed the end of another movie, huh? Think we’ll ever make it through one that isn’t animated?”

There’s a soft, tired laugh, and Eddie grins. Can’t not, in the face of the sheer contentedness he can feel rolling off the other man.

“Not until Chris is too old for ‘em.”

And there’s the other reason Eddie toes that line, but never...quite makes the jump. Buck is always, always there, in their future. And Eddie would rather bury his own heart than take that chance away.

Simple as that.

“Speaking of, I gotta pick him up from Pepa’s pretty early, so I should probably get going.” He’s still smiling - can feel it in the curve of his mouth. Can’t quite feel it in any way that matters.

Something flashes across Buck’s face - still tired, his eyes shiny and his mouth curved sweetly and Eddie needs to look away - but Eddie can’t parse it in the dark, and, frankly, doesn’t want to try. Reading too much into things is practically a Diaz family tradition and he’s got enough tormenting him as it is, thank you.

“Yeah, alright. Drive home safe alright? And see you tomorrow night.”

Eddie hums softly in acknowledgement, standing and stretching again - less for show this time and more because the age where sleeping well on couches regularly is slowly but surely passing him by. He sees movement out of the corner of his eyes, just manages to turn in time to see Buck flop over the rest of the couch in his place, looking for all the world content to just. Stay there.

“Nice Buck. Try to make it up to your actual bed at some point will you?” Eddie asks around a laugh - too fond, even to his own ears - even as Buck grabs the pillow from that side to bury his face in with a vague grunt of acknowledgement. “Don’t complain to me tomorrow when your back is cramped then.” Eddie adds, only getting a muffled laugh and a blind shooing motion in his direction in response.

Eddie rolls his eyes, but leaves Buck to it. If the man wants to sleep on that dumb couch, let him. Eddie’ll just ignore his complaints during their shift.

And if he’d give a whole hell of a lot to be complaining about it right there with him, well, even he knows that sounds weird.

---

The knock at the door isn’t a surprise. Probably should be, given that it’s two-thirty in the morning on a Sunday.

But, Eddie’s been following the news all day. Been waiting for a call, all day.

(He’d finally gotten sick of waiting around nine, and had called into the station. Only to be told they had plenty of hands on deck, and that, by that point, everything was under control, and the news was just milking everything they could out of a sensational, but ultimately, nontragic accident.)

But, even through the shit footage the news had been running on repeat for hours, Eddie could see that just because it hadn’t been tragic, didn’t mean it had been easy. Construction project downtown had gone up in flames. Jumped to the building next to it. The only reason it hadn’t ended in tragedy was because that building tended to be empty on Saturdays. The building next to that one? Not so much.

So. The knock at the door is no surprise at all.

He answers the door and just raises an eyebrow at the sheepish look Buck shoots him. “Why do you still knock? You have a key.”

“Look, not everyone’s you Diaz. Some of us were raised with manners.” Eddie’ll give Buck this - he manages to hold the serious face for about thirty seconds before they’re both laughing at that.

“Get in here. There’s beer in the fridge, and some left over Thai.” And Buck grins at him, big and bright, and cracked along the edges in a way Eddie’s not even sure Buck realizes. But, in Buck comes, heading straight for the kitchen.

It was a thing.

Eddie couldn’t say when it started. But it was definitely a thing.

A long shift. A hard shift. Sometimes even just one out of left field. Mud and grit and smoke and ash. Some tangled mess of emotions or adrenaline or weathered nerves exposed for too long...and they’d both find their way to each other. Eddie would drop by Buck’s after making sure Chris was safe with his abuela or Peppa or Carla or, sometimes, bring him along, because nothing soothed the tangle like a night in with his family. Or Buck would drop by their place. And they wouldn’t talk about the shift. Talk about everything else around it, sure. Everything under the damn sun except the last twelve hours.

And it worked for them.

Even if Eddie always, always wished it didn’t have to end like it always, inevitably, did.

Look, he knew he was reaching the edge of pathetic and taking a dive right over the edge. He was aware.

He can hear Buck digging around in his fridge, rolls his eyes at the sound, even though he knows he’s still grinning at the sound. “I think there’s also some-”

“Cupcakes!”

Eddie snorted, shaking his head and heading to the couch. “Yeah, those. Chris wanted to make some for Carla’s birthday. Those’re the ones that didn’t pass the visual test. Still taste pretty good though.”

There’s a muffled ‘mmph’ that he’s pretty sure is Buck stuffing one in his mouth, so he felt okay assuming he agreed with him on that. “Bring me a beer while you’re raiding my fridge, would you?” Another muffled ‘mmph’ that Eddie’s pretty sure is acknowledgement.

It’s another couple of quiet moments after that before Buck actually follows through though, eventually shuffling into the living room with two beers, one of which he hands to Eddie as he collapses on the couch next to him.

Eddie pauses in his channel flicking long enough to glance over, raising an eyebrow. “Decided you weren’t hungry, or did you eat all the cupcakes instead?” He barely ducks the couch pillow aimed at his head in response, grinning back at Buck cheekily.

“I only ate one - and you were right, they were good, remind me to tell Chris that later - but...not really hungry.” He says, shrugging, and looking for all the world like he didn’t just tumble into Eddie’s house at fuck-all in the morning.

Sucks for him then that Eddie knows his tells like the back of his own hand. Can point out the stiffness in his shoulders, the minute jitteriness in his knee, the soft frown pressed down between his eyebrows with an accuracy Eddie likes to blame on time rather than any special attentiveness on his part.

Likes to. Really can’t.

“Mm. Well, it’s there if you change your mind.” Is all he says about it though.

They don’t talk about the shifts.

They drift into each other's orbits and let things work themselves out. Talking about it when there’s nothing to really...be done, just never really seemed to help. Shifts were going to suck, no matter how prepared you were for the job. That was just life.

Eventually, they’d settle on a crappy movie, one of them would fall asleep, the other probably right behind them, and, in cases like this, they’d wake up to Chris excitedly yelling at them about Buck visiting.

It was a thing.

And it looked like Buck was going to be the first one to pass out tonight, from how quickly his head is listing to the side, and how quickly Eddie gets worried about having to possibly clean beer stains out of his carpet from the way Buck is holding the bottle.

“You doing okay there, Buck?” Eddie asks, softly. Buck never dropped this quickly. Nervous energy didn’t dissipate this quickly. They had a routine, and they both stuck to it pretty well - falling into habits well worn and settling into groves well travelled.

“Huh?” Buck asks as he pulls his head back up, blinking blearily at Eddie before gracing him with a lopsided smile. “Yeah, yeah, just...tired man. And the nerves are already gone, you know? I just feel calmer, I guess. When I’m with you.” And that last part is said around a yawn, and Eddie swears his heart skips traitorously in his chest.

Before the feeling can fill the empty space in his lungs, he hums and pushes himself to his feet. “Lemme get you a pillow and a blanket then man. No point in trying to stay up if you’re already tuning out.” This time, Eddie doesn’t miss the flash of disappointment across Buck’s face.

Can’t quite convince himself he saw it right. Can’t quite convince himself he didn’t. Instead of examining it further, he’s turning on his heel down the hall to escape the doubt.

And Eddie wants nothing more in that moment than to drop the act. Invite Buck down the hall instead, where they could both curl up in the soft quiet of the night and stop pretending it was the not talking about it that made it better, at least for him.

And maybe...maybe for Buck too.

But, he doesn’t.

Can’t.

No matter how bright his heart burns at Buck’s small smile. At his soft thank you. At the sharp look in his eyes as he chases Eddie’s gaze.

But they don’t say a word about it.

It’s a thing.

---

Eddie doesn’t really know why he’s on Buck’s doorstep right now. Knows he should’ve called. Just as he knows he’s never needed to before.

It wasn’t a bad day. Shift was quiet - as quiet as a fire station in LA can ever be. Bobby had made lunch and they’d all actually been able to eat at least half their plates before the next call had come in. Every call had ended as well as they could.

Chris was on an overnight field-trip with his class to the natural history museum, and Eddie had a picture to show just how bright and excited he’d been about it that morning.

All in all? It’d been a perfect goddamn day. Well. No, not perfect. It’d been Buck’s day off.

...Huh. Maybe that’s why Eddie was on Buck’s doorstep.

...who the hell was he fooling anymore anyway? Definitely not himself.

Hopefully, still Buck though.

He doesn’t even get a chance to knock before the door’s opening and Buck’s grinning at him. “You know, when I said I was the one raised with manners, I wasn’t expecting you to take it to heart. You have a key too.” And then he’s gone again, leaving the door open behind him.

And Eddie has no choice but to follow.

“Was wondering when you’d stop by,” Buck calls out from the living room, where there’s two beers and a pizza box on the coffee table, “Pizza’s cold by now though. You missed your chance.”

“...Did you actually expect me to come by, or did you just grab that second beer just now to make it look like you did?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

And Eddie...Eddie just laughs, feels the strain he’d been carrying in his shoulders since about noon (for no goddamn reason, why was he like this) smooth out with each step towards the living room.

“Chris make it on the bus okay this morning?”

Eddie hums as he collapses on the couch next to Buck, feeling what was left of the tenseness in his muscles melt away as he settles into his spot. “You saw the pic this morning, what do you think? He’s gonna talk your ear off when he gets back. Which reminds me, I’ve been ordered to make sure you’re at dinner tomorrow. Chris’ orders.”

Buck grins at him, slow and soft, so bright and so fond Eddie has to look away. Excuses it by grabbing for the beer in front of him. “Well, Chris’ orders, guess I’m crashing dinner tomorrow then.”

“Hope you didn’t have plans.” Eddie says, for the sake of it.

“Well, I mean, I did…” Eddie feels his stomach drop - a sharp twist of discomfort as he quickly tries to figure out how to backpedal. There were joking expectations, and then there was seriously disrupting his best plan’s day just because he and his kid wanted to, and - “I was planning on dropping by your place for lunch, probably stay for a Disney marathon, since I’m pretty sure Chris is still on that kick, maybe make some lego disasters...but yeah, I think I can manage dinner.”

Eddie stares. And Buck just grins. “You need to get your blood pressure checked, Eds. Pretty sure people aren’t supposed to go that pale that quickly.” And then he’s cackling at Eddie’s expense, and Eddie kind of wants to strangle him, even as he finds himself laughing right along with him after less than a breath.

“You are such a jerk. I should leave. Actually, yeah, no, for that, I’m leaving. You can enjoy your cold pizza alone, you jacka-” Eddie’s halfway off the couch - with the intention of getting a plate, because like hell he was actually leaving - when he feels a hand clamp around his wrist, and suddenly it’s very, very quiet, and Eddie’s not entirely sure why it feels like all the air’s been sucked out of his lungs as he looks at Buck’s suddenly very serious, very sincere face.

“Stay.” Buck says into the quiet - so soft and gentle it can’t help but shatter the stillness around them.

And Eddie wants to laugh it off. The mood switch is too much, too dramatic, too...everything and he wants to break it so it’ll snap back to normal.

Wants to. Can’t quite manage it.

“...I was just getting a plate.” Eddie tries, weakly. Knows it’s not enough as the quiet settles back in around them.

But, then, Buck’s smiling at him, and his grip is loosening, and Eddie can breathe again.

The quiet stays in place, but the air between them is bright and fizzy instead of still and hard and Eddie couldn’t explain it if he tried.

So, he doesn’t. Instead, he goes to get the plate, because he’s not sure he can look at that smile and not take everything at face value.

He doesn’t hear Buck come up behind him. But he’s kind of hard to miss when Eddie turns around and Buck’s right there. Eddie doesn’t jump, but it’s a close thing. One Buck definitely notices if the shine to his eyes and the quirk to his lips is anything to go by. But, points to him, he doesn’t actually say anything about it.

“...You know. I’ve had this...big speech, in my head, for the last like. Month. Never quite manage to get it right twice.” And Buck’s talking, but Eddie’s not quite understanding. “Always seemed too...showy, you know? Or stiff. Or practiced. But that?” Buck gestures vaguely back to the living room like Eddie’s supposed to know what that means, “That gave me an idea.” And then he’s leaning into Eddie’s space and Eddie...Eddie can’t say no to Buck. Can’t deny him space even if all he has to give is his own.

“Eddie, stay with me?” Buck asks into the bare space between them, so soft and gentle it can’t help but shatter Eddie on the spot as the question clicks into place.

Eddie thinks back. To staying still in the comfortable dark in the hope that neither of them were going to move, for just a moment longer. To knowing silence and willing comfort in familiar orbits. To the want straining his heart every time he so much as looks at Buck, in the hope that the look he’s seeing in the man’s eyes is a reflection rather than a delusion.

He doesn’t know who moves first, but the next thing he really knows is the feel of Buck’s lips against his own in a slow, languid kiss that doesn’t quite line up until it does and all Eddie can do is melt.

“Do you even have to ask?” Eddie’s heart is burning when they pull away, breathless in the quiet, his voice too loud and too quiet.

And oh, that first kiss has nothing on the second.

#next day reblog

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the-one-eighteen · 4 years

Note

You asleep? I just feel calmer. When I’m with you. Stay For the soft conversation starters. You can use them together or separate! It’s up to you ❤️

I am. So sorry this took so long! But, I finally got it to a point where I like it, and enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy!

(read on ao3)

But the line connecting point A to point B ends about the time Buck unlocked the door to his apartment and they both tumbled inside, if he’s being honest.

If Eddie tries really, really hard, all of that fades out pretty easily, leaving him in just this moment.

So. Eddie didn’t allow himself this often. Or, so he told himself.

If only because his heart couldn’t take it.

But he was only so strong. And if the opportunity was going to land in his lap, who the hell was he to fight it.

But then he feels Buck shift against him. Feels the set to his shoulders stiffen as he wakes up slowly.

Eddie’s quiet in that moment. It’s selfish, and he knows it, but…

“You asleep?” It’s so soft that Eddie knows he could get away with pretending to not hear it. Is left to wonder why it’s so quiet for only a moment before Buck carefully shifts again.

There’s a soft, tired laugh, and Eddie grins. Can’t not, in the face of the sheer contentedness he can feel rolling off the other man.

“Not until Chris is too old for ‘em.”

Simple as that.

“Yeah, alright. Drive home safe alright? And see you tomorrow night.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but leaves Buck to it. If the man wants to sleep on that dumb couch, let him. Eddie’ll just ignore his complaints during their shift.

And if he’d give a whole hell of a lot to be complaining about it right there with him, well, even he knows that sounds weird.

---

The knock at the door isn’t a surprise. Probably should be, given that it’s two-thirty in the morning on a Sunday.

But, Eddie’s been following the news all day. Been waiting for a call, all day.

So. The knock at the door is no surprise at all.

He answers the door and just raises an eyebrow at the sheepish look Buck shoots him. “Why do you still knock? You have a key.”

It was a thing.

Eddie couldn’t say when it started. But it was definitely a thing.

And it worked for them.

Even if Eddie always, always wished it didn’t have to end like it always, inevitably, did.

Look, he knew he was reaching the edge of pathetic and taking a dive right over the edge. He was aware.

He can hear Buck digging around in his fridge, rolls his eyes at the sound, even though he knows he’s still grinning at the sound. “I think there’s also some-”

“Cupcakes!”

Likes to. Really can’t.

“Mm. Well, it’s there if you change your mind.” Is all he says about it though.

They don’t talk about the shifts.

It was a thing.

Can’t quite convince himself he saw it right. Can’t quite convince himself he didn’t. Instead of examining it further, he’s turning on his heel down the hall to escape the doubt.

And maybe...maybe for Buck too.

But, he doesn’t.

Can’t.

No matter how bright his heart burns at Buck’s small smile. At his soft thank you. At the sharp look in his eyes as he chases Eddie’s gaze.

But they don’t say a word about it.

It’s a thing.

---

Eddie doesn’t really know why he’s on Buck’s doorstep right now. Knows he should’ve called. Just as he knows he’s never needed to before.

Chris was on an overnight field-trip with his class to the natural history museum, and Eddie had a picture to show just how bright and excited he’d been about it that morning.

All in all? It’d been a perfect goddamn day. Well. No, not perfect. It’d been Buck’s day off.

...Huh. Maybe that’s why Eddie was on Buck’s doorstep.

...who the hell was he fooling anymore anyway? Definitely not himself.

Hopefully, still Buck though.

And Eddie has no choice but to follow.

“...Did you actually expect me to come by, or did you just grab that second beer just now to make it look like you did?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

And Eddie...Eddie just laughs, feels the strain he’d been carrying in his shoulders since about noon (for no goddamn reason, why was he like this) smooth out with each step towards the living room.

“Chris make it on the bus okay this morning?”

“Hope you didn’t have plans.” Eddie says, for the sake of it.

“Stay.” Buck says into the quiet - so soft and gentle it can’t help but shatter the stillness around them.

And Eddie wants to laugh it off. The mood switch is too much, too dramatic, too...everything and he wants to break it so it’ll snap back to normal.

Wants to. Can’t quite manage it.

“...I was just getting a plate.” Eddie tries, weakly. Knows it’s not enough as the quiet settles back in around them.

But, then, Buck’s smiling at him, and his grip is loosening, and Eddie can breathe again.

The quiet stays in place, but the air between them is bright and fizzy instead of still and hard and Eddie couldn’t explain it if he tried.

So, he doesn’t. Instead, he goes to get the plate, because he’s not sure he can look at that smile and not take everything at face value.

“Eddie, stay with me?” Buck asks into the bare space between them, so soft and gentle it can’t help but shatter Eddie on the spot as the question clicks into place.

“Do you even have to ask?” Eddie’s heart is burning when they pull away, breathless in the quiet, his voice too loud and too quiet.

And oh, that first kiss has nothing on the second.

#hey-therejuliet #long post #911 fox #Eddie Diaz #Evan Buckley #buddie #my writing #ff #I'm still not super active at the moment but I got the energy to write and I really am sorry about how long this took!

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