I know it’s been a long time since I posted here, but here (finally) is the first chapter of Chef Craig/the Hell’s Kitchen Au is up!

Hope you enjoy it! 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26046955/chapters/63342883

How are you guys handling quarantine?

Craig: Well I’m here answering asks, so you can see that it is driving us to resort to this blog as entertainment. 

In all seriousness, it’s been a nice needed break. I didn’t realize how much I was overworking myself until everything stopped. Tweek and I have been cooking a lot together which is nice. Aurora is doing online preschool stuff right now. She enjoys having Tweek as her teacher while I “work” in the kitchen. 

We’re actually in the process of trying to adopt again or find a surrogate. We’re leaning towards a surrogate this time so that way we have one child that is biologically ours. 

But I hope everyone is staying safe and staying healthy. 

And please-for the love of fucking god-wear your fucking mask

Tweek: hi everyone! It’s been quite some time since I’ve been on here, but I already know Craig has caught you all up! I hope everyone has been okay! We’ve been busy this past week getting everything together for Aurora’s birthday! But right now Craig is making some breakfast and Aurora is watching tv, so if you have any questions send them in!

I thought EVERYONE liked tits?

Craig: people are gay, Steven

What would you do if a women with big tits tried to seduced you for free food?

Craig: well...considering I am...married...and...married to a man....I don’t think...this would go over well for this woman and her...tits

What food goes best with tea?

Tweek: ooo something flakey! Scones are a popular choice in our house :) there are so many flavors too! My favorite is sea salt caramel with a chocolate scone as the base!

how are you guys? and what about aurora?

Tweek: we’re all great! Just very busy with all our endeavors. Aurora is wonderful! She’s walking and babbling more and more! The other day she said “dada” about a hundred times and I thought Craig was going to explode with happiness. She’ll shout “dada” for him and “da” for me!

Tweek: hello all! It’s been a while since I’ve hopped on here, but I have some down time today! If you have any questions, send them my way! :)

craig's a really cute father pass it on--

Craig:

Can you use a cooking knife for discreet murders?

Craig: depends on how carefully you stab someone

Your food gave me constipation and diarrhea. Take responsibility chief and give me my refund

Craig: both of those usually stem from poor diet choices. Why would I give you money because you eat like shit and probably chose something that wasn’t entirely healthy for you? I never state I serve healthy food, so that’s on you, buddy

We all know you drink pumpkin spice and wanted to project onto the South Park character. Little insecure, are we? Loser.

((Admin: I literally don’t but go off I guess! That’s my actual opinion though and I stick by it!! Dots dumb that people are made to feel bad for enjoying pumpkin spice! I don’t enjoy the lattes but pumpkin spice is a great flavor and I enjoy pumpkin pie and ginger snaps. But yup! That’s me! Insecure!))

What’s your opinion on anything pumpkin spiced?

Craig: it’s delicious. Reminds me of the holidays. The fact people try to make others feel bad for enjoying it is bullshit. Food is meant to be enjoyed. There’s no such thing as “basic food” because food is never such thing (unless it’s just bland, which pumpkin spice is not)

A Halloween birthday? How exciting! Will she have a party that day?

Craig: not on Halloween, but the Saturday following! Since Halloween is on a Thursday, we figured have it on Saturday since everyone will be available and we can have a nice afternoon party. Tweek’s been planning out the theme. He’s almost got it

Will little Aurora go trick or treating this year?

Craig: she will indeed!

We’re taking her out soon to go pick out a costume. She’s been mentioning it every time she sees commercials advertising things on the Telly

Ignoring that last post, what do you and Tweek do around Halloween? Any specific treats you make? Do you like handing out candy to kids? What are you guys going to do for Aurora’s Halloween? Or is that really just an American thing?

Craig: we spend the entire day before making homemade chocolates and little peanut butter cups to hand out. It’s a fun little tradition we have for ourselves since it was always a fun time for us to fantasize about our own family and what kind of new traditions we can make.

This is our first year where we can actually think of new traditions.

As for Aurora, since her birthday falls on the same day, we’re planning on a nice morning and afternoon just celebrating here and then in the evening have her go out trick or treating. She’s never gone so figured we shouldn’t deprive her of that

It’s that time of year where my dick goes inside a pumpkin rather than a watermelon

Craig: now I remember why I fucking hate this blog...