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thatlesbeanjew · 5 days

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DOMINI!! HOW ARE YOU!!

may i ask for

oh, don't be cute.

wait, did you just say that i'm cute?

putting on lip gloss/balm before the kiss, having fun sharing different flavors

with david and darlin pleaseee?? thank youuu ♥️♥️♥️♥️

ZOZO!!!! Okay, this was great and soo much fun! Thank you!! I hope you like how it turned out. <3 <3 <3 You're amazing, thank you so much for the ask!!

David/Darlin

tags: first kiss, prompt fic, a little tipsy, idiots in love

Coconut.

The warehouse was trashed from the pack party but David couldn’t quite muster the energy to care. It was almost four in the morning. He should start sending them home… really he should have done that an hour ago. Several of the pack were already passed out on the couches or the floor. He knew they kept some bedding at the warehouse but he hadn’t realized it was quite this much. They’d basically built a nest.

Fuck it. They could sleep here. At least he wouldn’t have to worry about them all getting home safely. He closed his eyes, arms folded across his chest and body settling into the couch. He could make breakfast in the morning. That would be nice.

The couch bounced when someone plopped down next to him.

He didn’t have to open his eyes to know who it was. He could feel their aura against his. Loyal, sharp, quick to anger, quick to run, brave, but so damn scared. His nose wrinkled, eyes still closed. “Why do you smell like coconut?”

He felt them shrug, their arm against his.

David opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Darlin. Their eyes were half-lidded. They’d been riding their buzz for the last hour or two. His gaze flicked to their mouth and the gloss on their lips.

“This was all Milo had,” they explained with another shrug.

David nodded, watching their lips move as they spoke. He was riding a buzz too. Their mouth was lush. Why hadn’t he noticed that before? He’d been crushing on this idiot for years but never really noticed those lips... They’d been flirting for months now. Asher didn’t think Darlin really thought they were flirting though. He was probably right.

David uncurled his arms and held out a hand, palm up, doing gimmie fingers.

Darlin grinned. “You want some?”

“Hn.” He wanted it.

Something mischievous lit their eyes and they tipped their chin up, offering their lips, eyes always on him, daring him to get some.

David smiled despite all efforts not to. “Oh, don’t be cute.” Don’t tempt me, he thought.

Darlin laughed and looked away, sinking back against the cushions next to him, shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh. “Wait. Did you just say that I’m cute?” They turned their head to look at him again, surprise hitting late.

David was looking back, their faces close. He saw the moment Darlin realized it and heard their pulse jump. Their gaze flicked down to his mouth. They didn’t pull away, but forced a sideways smile that made him think they were about to say something self-deprecating to cut the tension…

“No one would call me cute, Davey.”

Yep. He didn’t look away. “I did. Want me to call you more names?” he asked, deadpan and patient.

Their eyes widened a fraction and he could practically hear the battle in their mind, wanting to egg him on, wanting to know what he would say, but not wanting to risk it either. They nodded once. The whole warehouse was a hive of activity but it all faded.

“You bite hard, you’re brave, and your mouth is really pretty.”

Darlin’s eyes were as wide as he’d ever seen them and their smile was an explosion. “Fuck you, you did not just say my mouth was pretty!”

David ignored all of his own nerves and the heat climbing his face. He wasn’t going to look away from this. “I said really pretty.”

“You’re messing with me, Shaw.”

He finally smiled, because how could he not when they served it up like that? “I’ll mess with you if you want, any time… if you’re willing to share your chapstick.”

Darlin stared, practically gawked, seeming to realize again just how close they were sitting. “You’re drunk,” they said in way of explanation.

David just watched them, waiting. He was tipsy, sure, but he wasn’t drunk and they knew it. Their eyes flicked to his lips again. He wanted so much to close that distance but he couldn’t. He needed them to make that move.

His heart beat faster when the leaned in, his hands curling into fists against his own arms to keep from grabbing at them right away. They kissed him so softly, lips sticky with that coconut chapstick. For a split second after, he felt the flutter of uncertainty in them, not regret for kissing but fear that it was a joke at their expense and they’d fallen for it—that he didn’t feel the same—that he was just messing with them. It all vibrated there across those indescribable threads that connected them.

David reached across and curled a hand behind their neck, pulling them in again and this time kissing them deep enough to taste the pina colada on their tongue. The kiss was long and slow and when it broke he smiled. “So… You like coconut, huh?”

Darlin grinned back. “Don’t you?”

He nodded. He did now.

#HE DID NOW #AAAHHHHHHHHH #feral screaming #Domini I misss youuuuuuuuuu #eating this up with a spoon rn #redactedasmr #redacted darlin #redacted david #Darlin/David #the tension!!! the chapstick!!! the insecurity!!!!

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thatlesbeanjew · 5 days

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did you know only 1 in 10,000 gar are golden colored? and that i love them sosososososo much? and its my dream pet?

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thatlesbeanjew · 5 days

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Everyone's saying Too Sweet is Darlin/Sam's song and I get it to an extent but neither of those mfs are 'sweet'. They are insane and delusional sexed up FREAKS.

Like which one is the sweet one here? They both drink their whiskey neat, guys let's be fr. They probably do body shots off each other, the sluts.

This is a race to last place.

#LMAOOOOOOO #fr tho #love that for them #redacted asmr #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted darlin #redacted sam #redactedasmr

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thatlesbeanjew · 6 days

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It’s missing Celine and her Wife hours

WHEN WILL LYDIA RETURN FROM THE WAR

#WHEN WILL I GET MORE LYDIA LORE #CASTLE I BEG #LET ME MEET THE WIFE #castle audios #castleaudios celine #castleaudios lydia #castleaudios #I unfortunately will never not be annoying about this

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thatlesbeanjew · 7 days

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as fun as it is making darlin a bad ass bitch, i think its as equally compelling to make them a normal person who had their life completely derailed because of quinn as a way to rep those who've had their lives ruined by an abusive partner

#redacted darlin #redacted asmr #redacted audio #yes #this

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thatlesbeanjew · 10 days

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"you’ve learned a long time ago to stop thinking things would change. (it didn't stop you from hoping anyways.)"

So, it's that time of year again, and I don't have the Raptors to distract me. It's the NHL playoffs and I am a Leafs fan. If you know, you know. I wrote this a year ago for myself and @thatlesbeanjew because being a hockey fan is not the faint of heart, and I completely forgot to post it to Tumblr ;-;. The title is from Jason's Spezza's retirement article and I think it applies well here.

For my sports (specifically hockey) fans who're in an toxic relationship with your favourite team, here's some southern comfort for you.

CW: author is being sentimental about grown men playing a game, i wrote this with the last years Bruins' collapse in mind (sorry tay), but no team is mentioned!!, city wolf darlin makes a comeback, Fluff, Comfort, so much comfort, someone send me to therapy

There’s never an easy way to say goodbye.

No one wants to say goodbye, and even if it has to be said, let it be said with finality, with a sense of accomplishment. That even if this is the end, the journey was enjoyable. That the blood, sweat, tears (and really dumb questions) were worth it. That the years, your childhood, spent hoping were worth it.

No one wants to end on a whimper, especially if it’s broadcasted on national TV.

They still can’t believe that final goal went in.

Darlin’ stared at the TV, watching the series-winning goal over and over again. Their eyes tried to rewrite history, using what magic they have to will the puck to not cross the red line. Go wide right, hit the post, or even knock a player's teeth out for all they care! All their efforts were for naught. The goal still goes in, the building goes silent save for the cheers from the opposing team, and the season was over.

It was hard to believe that just a moment ago, their body was buzzing with anxiety, every sensation was cranked up to an eleven. Only for all that excitement collapsing inside their body, creating a black hole within their heart, numbing them to the result of the game in front of them.

All of that emotional investment just to get the same result. They felt silly for letting themselves dream, believe, with nothing to prove their faith. Everyone around them had been right, but they insisted on their foolish delusion, stubborn to the very end for this hockey team that has brought them nothing but pain.

Darlin’ had always preferred the painful route, embodying the sentiment that ‘love is pain’. It just so happened that it applied to more than the people in their life.

Their legs lost all their strength, causing them to fall backwards onto the couch. Their eyes stayed glued to the screen, ears ringing louder than any goal horn they’d heard in their life. Part of them wished they had never decided to care for this stupid team that only does stupid things and makes them cheer like a stupid idiot.

Ok, maybe this seems like an exaggerated reaction to a hockey team losing a game, but truly, this is how Darlin’ felt at this moment.

And Sam knew it.

They barely registered the soft blanket wrapping around their shoulders, but the warmth helped ground them a little bit. Sam always knew how to bring them out of their daze, with gentle pressure and plenty of space. Always giving them the choice of when to ask for help, a choice they’ve found themselves making more often.

They heard the faint clink of a plate on the coffee table in front of them. But what had knocked them out of their trance was Sam finally turning off the damn TV. It didn’t stop the goal horn from ringing in their ears, but at least they didn’t have to see that fucking rat’s shit-eating grin again. Who the fuck does he think he is? Fuck that guy, fuck that team, fuck everything-

They blinked repeatedly, feeling Sam’s hand playing with their hair. “I can feel your rage from here,” he chuckled. “Can’t imagine what you’re plannin’ to do to the other team in that pretty brain of yours.” Slowly, he shifted his arm to wrap around their shoulder to pull them closer to his chest. The tension that built up in their forehead had finally gone away when they heard his heartbeat. “Knowin’ you, you’re plannin’ something nefarious.”

“...I know where they’re stayin’,” they mumbled, nuzzling their face deeper into Sam’s chest. “That’s all I’ll say about that.”

He kissed their hair line and pulled them closer. “For the record, I will not be an accessory to your murderous rampage.” The small smile on their face prompted him to continue. “But I promise I won’t tell no one about your little scheme.” Leave it to Sam to make them smile when all they want to do is curl under a blanket and bleach the game from their mind.

They huffed in his chest. “I appreciate you not snitchin’ on me, but come on? You ain’t gonna help your mate with the body? Fake ass bitch.” Darlin’ let out a quiet giggle. Seeing the southern man deadpan at them is a surefire way to make them smile.

He pinched their nose and scoffed, “forgive me if I don’t want to see my mate in jail because a hockey team decided to beat your team.”

They pout at his statement, not appreciating the blunt tone he used. Come to think of it, when he puts it like that, their reaction to the ending of this game seems ridiculous. Wanting to kill grown men for doing their job? Because they just happen to beat their team? They’re a grown adult damn it! They’re better than being emotional over a team!

Sam flicked their forehead, knocking them out of their spiral. He pulled his wolf closer to him, letting their head rest on his shoulder. “No self-deprecatin’ spiral for you, Darlin’. You’re allowed to feel shitty over a game.” He continued to pet their hair, content with sitting in silence until they were ready to speak.

Darlin’ kissed his cheek and sighed. “I know, I know, I’m valid with my feelins’, it’s just…” They trailed off, biting their bottom lip while trying to articulate their thoughts into words. If only incoherent screaming was enough for Sam to understand their emotions. “When I say this team has sucked for my entire life… there hasn’t been a year where shit has gone right for us.”

Their vision blurred as they continued. “And I’m so fuckin’ tired of- of having hope that things will end different and then they never do!” The more words that poured out of them, the more anger bled into their voice. “It’s like, come on! They’ve had decades and so many different fuckin’ players and management to get their shit together and they never do! How much longer do they think people are gonna blindly follow them until…” A sob crept up their throat. “...Until we all decide to just… not care.”

They sighed in frustration. “I know it’s so stupid to fuckin’ care about a stupid team this much… I don’t know… They were the only good thing from my childhood.” Darlin’ chuckled at their last statement. “God, how has mt life been if this fuckin’ team was the best part?”

He rubbed their arm to comfort them. “Well on the bright side, it led you to my arms, so could it have been that bad?” Darlin’ pinched his chest, but that only caused their vampire to laugh harder. “Am I wrong, Darlin’? You seem to be enjoyin’ my arms a little too much,” he teased, acting as if it was a complaint against them. They both knew that Sam would rather die again than see his wolf in another person’s arms.

He held their face in his hands. Sam knew every little habit and quirk that Darlin’ had, and he knew that they wouldn’t look him in the eyes whenever they got emotional like this. “Darlin’, I need you to look at me please.”

They did as he asked them to, lifting their gaze and getting lost in his silver eyes. He kissed their forehead, whispering a soft ‘thank you’ against their skin. They don’t know if he’ll ever understand how fucking terrifying it was to have someone know them so well. But they wouldn’t trade that blissful feeling for anything else.

“It’s not stupid to care about this team, Darlin’. They were a huge part of your best memories as a kid. And maybe you will get tired of them one day and it will suck. But there’s no shame in lovin’ unconditionally.”

Darlin’s vision blurred again and cleared their throat to stop themselves from sobbing. “Even if they hurt me over and over again?”

Sam smirked, “well if they hurt you again, I’ll have to pay a visit down to their office and make sure they win.” Darlin’ scoffed at his cockiness but didn’t stop him from continuing. “‘Sides, like you always say.”

“Oh God, don’t say it-”

“There’s always next year.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.”

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted fanfic #redacted darlin #redacted sam #first year without Bergeron #i am emotional #boston bruins #so rude that i dont have sam with me this year #I’m not ready for round one

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thatlesbeanjew · 10 days

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thatlesbeanjew · 10 days

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Just putting this out into the world because work has been an absolute night mare this month with cancelled and missed appointments.

When your dentist/doctor/optometrist/audiologist whatever the fuck office calls to confirm an appointment, please call or text them back promptly.

Don’t call 20 minutes before your appointment to say you forgot about it, or to cancel unless you have a legitimate reason. We send out so many calls and texts to ensure that the time we’ve blocked out for your appointment will be filled. We don’t have the time to scramble and find someone to fill that open spot. Then we up at the front desk get frustrated providers asking why their schedule is falling apart suddenly.

Long story short, confirm your appointments and don’t wait to cancel/reschedule them the day before.

Sincerely,

A very fucking exhausted treatment coordinator

#I work at a dental office #please confirm your appointments #for the love of god #be kind to your healthcare providers #we hate insurance just as much as you do trust me #rant post #personal vent

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thatlesbeanjew · 10 days

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thatlesbeanjew · 10 days

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ppl are always writing characters doing dumb shit like roasting a fresh-caught rabbit over an open flame instead of making a stew with that thing. great now you’re letting all the fat drip down into the fire as it cooks, wasting calories and flavor as well as causing the flame to flare up = inconsistent heat source,… when you could be maximizing the nutritional value of small game by making a soup or stew. Come on

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thatlesbeanjew · 10 days

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Hi Redacted Fandom Let's fucking talk shall we?

Most of y'all don't know me. I don't talk much in wider fandom spaces due to personal experiences, traumas, and anxieties that lead me to not be super comfortable being myself in larger spaces. My name is Kayla and I am almost 38 yeas old, an Exvangelical, AuDHD, bisexual, and nonbinary (also white which explains The Audacity), and I have been on the internet since I was in middle school (around the late 90's *shudders* dial-up internet age). I have been an audience member of many many content creators online and befriended many many more. I have seen the ins and outs of what goes into scripting, recording, editing, and marketing online content, particularly video based online content.

All of this preamble to say that I was the one who wrote Erik the email that prompted his Pateron post yesterday, in fact here it is in its entirety:

"Erik,

I’m generally a firm believer that online spaces/subscription sites are not like an airport, and I do not need to announce my departure. And while I hate writing this email, I need to say what I've been thinking for a long time. I fear that if I don't say it, no one will.

First, I want to make it clear that I love the content you produce. It's some of the most thoughtful and well made storytelling and world building I’ve ever seen on the internet, and I’ve been in and around the internet for a very long time now. However, even though I enjoy and appreciate the content, there’s still some issues to be addressed.

You need to stop ghosting your audience, especially your Patrons, when life gets stressful. I’m not saying, “never have setbacks." I've seen how your life has been a walking cavalcade of bullshit over the past two years. But your response of going radio silent whenever things get even slightly stressful is wrong. It’s wrong to do that to your bosses, it's wrong to do that with your family, it's wrong to do that with friends and romantic partners, and it is egregiously wrong to do that to people whose money you’ve received in promise for services rendered.

Again, I’ve been around for years, and I have compassion for the fact that life keeps kicking you in the teeth, but this harkens back to something you said in your apology video in January; shit kicks you in the teeth, and you don’t adjust your life accordingly. You also keep making mention of the fact that the best apology is changed behavior, but your actions of disappearing whenever something goes wrong is the exact behavior that you apologized for in January, is it not? If that wasn’t what you were talking about, then I have no idea why you felt the need to apologize to us.

At this point you don’t owe us your life story. You don’t owe us a perfect schedule with no setbacks and no delays. You DO owe us a sentence or two of explanation when shit gets this delayed on your end. It’s starting to feel less like appreciation and more like being taken for granted.

I don’t know what a change like that looks like for you. Is it that you need assistance with all the backend bullshit? (I know from watching others in the creator space both from the audience standpoint and from watching my friends work to become successful at this that backend bullshit can be a bitch to do all by yourself after a while). Does it mean drastically curtailing your posting so you’re only making one post a week or two posts a month until you can get your energy levels back up? Does it mean you have to go on an official hiatus? Does it mean that this is too much work and no longer worth it for you? I’m not in your head, so I don’t know, but this way of ghosting us and making grandiose promises of future content that never materializes because your life got hard again isn’t worth my $20/month.

Sincerely,

Kayla Moore"

Erik is a consummate professional who kept my name out of his mouth while addressing the substance of my email, I however am a maladjusted bitch who stands by what the fuck she said. You'll note NOWHERE in the body of said email did I demand that he produce the content right now, nowhere did I imply that he can never have delays again. In fact I went out of my way to say the exact opposite multiple times. I am always and ever aware that Erik is managing what is a fairly decent sized platform on his own with what little free time he has. I am ALSO aware that that is an unsustainable position to take and that he is RAPIDLY pushing himself towards burnout by not acknowledging his limits. What it all comes down to is that yes, once money has changed hands at the very LEAST what he owes us as his Paterons is an update on the content *that he told us would be out by a certain date* that got delayed. In fact all I really want is just a quick "Hey sorry life is lifeing this is going to be delayed I'll check back in with y'all soon" That's it. That's all I want when delays happen. That I feel is not an unreasonable request to make.

The reason I am showing you all this is because, quite frankly this fandom has a HUGE toxic-positivity and Purity Culture problem and y'all keep talking about shit you don't know and weren't privy to. Well I stand by what I said. I choose to email him about it privately to give him the opportunity to respond as he saw fit. But yes let's break this down: when you are a content creator who steps into the realm of being paid to produce said online content then you have an obligation to the people that you're paying to be upfront when limitations happen and things aren't coming out on time. Life happens. That's not in anyone's control, but how he responds to Life Happening is the key issue here. Lately his response has been to hide away and it's making the growing frustration around how much he values us his Paterons, and the way he's chosen to show it. The fact that you personally do not mind is irrelevant to the larger point. Your not caring does not mean that he was acting in a professional manner on this subject. Also he's not your friend no matter how much you might feel that way. He makes content that makes us feel good inside and it's easy to want to extend someone who gives you so much dopamine grace. That's good, that's normal.

The thing of it is though y'all can't seem to stand when people say something even slightly negative about him. Yes he's one person doing all this by himself. Yes that's a lot of work on top of a job and a personal life. He's also *choosing* to do this all by himself. He's definitely making enough that he could hire an assistant or two to take some of the load off his plate. He hasn't. And part of that is probably due to the toxic pride he mentioned in his Pateron update. Also "Please take care of yourself/rest/take all the time you need" and "Please give us an update if the content you promised by X date is going to be delayed" are not mutually exclusive feelings to have and the fact that some of you don't seem to understand that is...somewhat troubling to be honest. The fact of the matter is that something about the way that Erik does content needs to change. There have been too many delays, too frequently, and over too long a period of time for him to just chug along as things were and pretend everything is fine. I am not the only one who has felt this way as @tepid-judas can attest to. (And others but they haven't given me permission to tag them in this post they do not know I'm making so ya know I'm going to do him the courtesy of not doing that). Like Erik said this is a matter of respect and a matter of financial transactions that have not been met in a satisfactory manner. He even apologized to us for exactly this back in January (this being life happening to him and him not adjusting to those circumstances the channel/Pateron experience suffering as a result), so it's not unwarranted to ask 4 months later when things have collapsed back into a status quo that was unacceptable in his eyes, to ask him for a little accountability.

Y'all may think I'm an ungrateful bitch about this, y'all may be taken aback that I am an Obsessed Tier Pateron who had the audacity to send him an email like this. To that I say you are entitled to your opinion, but I am entitled to mine, and like I said I'm not the only one who feels this way, but I was right in stating that I think I'm the only one who had enough That Bitch in her to say something about it. And I'm glad I did because if all he ever hears is "This is fine, don't worry about it" then all we're ever going to get is anxiety inducing radio-silence as we wonder if he's almost lost the ability to walk again. And then he lands himself in the kind of burnout he can't come back from because he keeps trying to Not Let Us Down by pushing himself to do things he cannot do at a scale that is impossible to do over a long period of time. It's not ok that he ghosted us with out a word for 8 days after the project had already faced set backs, no matter how much you convince yourself that you do not mind. Your minding is not relevant to whether or not is was right or professional of Erik to do that to us.

Sometimes it's good to be the person who complains and says "No actually this isn't ok and you DO need to work on this." Sometimes that's what someone needs to see in order to truly understand where they need to make changes. It's hard to see that shit when you're standing in the middle of the Must Produce Content mines. Sometimes you need the canary to remind you you're running out of oxygen.

I know I've pissed some of you off for daring to talk to Erik like he was an adult with responsibilities that he voluntarily took on by himself without any prompting from anyone else. I know it breaks the illusion that we are all his bestest buddies or his lovers or whatever, but at the end of the day the nature of his relationship to us is a lot less and a lot more personal than that.

We are in a recession regardless of how much our governments want to deny this fact. The price of everything has skyrocketed since Erik started the Pateron, it is not unreasonable to want some confirmation that he realizes he missed his own self-imposed deadline when that happens. This isn't about demanding all the content now, it's about the respect we are owed as a fandom. And we're owed at LEAST a sentence stating that things will be delayed and maybe a follow up if things are taking even longer than expected. The fact that it took 8 days and my email for him to say anything is not great. Erik to his credit realizes that and is appearing to address the issue head on.

Also I saw something that said something along the lines of Erik walking away because this fandom can't understand that he is one person. And to that I say that is far far more likely that he burns himself out on the alter of toxic productivity and alienates his fanbase due to going radio-silent out of fear and shame trying to maintain a release schedule he can no longer keep up with. THAT is what will cause him to walk away faster and it will mean that he is *unable* to come back.

It is right and good and necessary even that someone speaks up and says "Hey this isn't right" when something isn't right. And if you keep trying to sweep it under the rug all you're doing is creating a big dirt pile that everyone has to ignore and walk around instead of bringing issues into the light and effecting change. It's ok to extend creators grace and benefit of the doubt, but we should also be extending our fellow fans that same grace. There was no need for any of y'all to go jumping to conclusions about this. If you want your pound of flesh for my having the audacity come at me, my block button is fucking hungry.

#been dying to say the same thing myself for a long time now #I love the content and I want to support him but I feel like I’m getting swindled every month when the services im paying for aren’t met #redacted audio #redacted fandom #a transaction is a transaction #good on you Kayla #erik is a grown ass man who doesn't need you to come to his defense #I’m glad someone finally fuckin said something

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