Being a she/he is so easy everyone just assumes you missed the r and you go on w your day

Ok but when I was like 11 I decided I was gonna be a vegetarian cause I wanted an excuse not to eat my dad's steaks and then like 2 weeks later I got the thought that I don't like guys but in my 11 yo brain somehow being Vegetarian and Lesbian was too many so I decided I was making it up and at one point in my life I was like "Wait"

Me: *starts eating the placenta after having given birth*

Doctor: What the fuck are you doing

Me: I have not created this with my own body, only to have it taken away! Vengeance shall befall the vile creature seeking to steal it! It is time to reclaim what is ours and to return to the natural ways, just like God intended

Doctor: No.

Me after I've finished a presentation, in the most passive-aggressive tone I can muster: Are there any questions? Well?