textsfromcybertron
call the party ambulance
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(208): We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
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(253): I don’t care. It’s wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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(218): Look don’t ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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(310): You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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(703): Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
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(239): He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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(660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
(816): ..So we should take it off YouTube?
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(352): You told me you aren’t worried about the police that you’ve been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
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(816): You know you’re old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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(615): I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv
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(256): There are way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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(216): fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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the valve plug tag is switching to VP mention
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(870): God knew I’d have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I’d never fuck them.
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(973): So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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(319): we live vicariously through your huge boobs
#maccadam#optimus prime#ratchet#wheeljack#g1#texts from cybertron#texts from last night#319#god i wish that were me#who said that
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(361): I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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