some rather strong first impressions were made.

required reading for the magical "voice" headcanon and another for starstruck's signature in particular. asked by @trainerbob23 !

Just in case this wasn’t very clear: Sending anonymous (coward) Lestappen hate my way is an absolute waste of your time and energy because I could not care less about whatever shit you're spewing and I'll block you without even bothering to read your entire ask.

honestly wally is stronger than atlas. if i had to constantly calibrate to the nature of my reality w/ full consciousness i would simply lose my fucking mind

might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

I had a great doodle night yesterday

recently, i’ve been thinking about what a 100% social link/confidant run is like from the perspective of the persona protagonists, rather than the player. i’ve always been a sucker for thinking about the type of narrative created by a person’s gameplay choices (it can be so fun and deep) so!! i wrote this analysis / musing.

some notes before we start: this was written with the lens of persona 3 being the most recent game i played- but the concepts are applicable to the p4/p5 protagonists as well! no spoilers for any of the games are mentioned; this is moreso a general discussion of ludonarrative dissonance with the game mechanics and narrative and how it makes for fun angst (ft. personal interpretation).

(more under the cut!)

the framework: game mechanics

in all of the games, the social link system’s existence coincides with the social stats mechanic. certain social links require a specific set of stats in order to initiate it, or surpass a certain rank. each game has around 20 of these- each of which represent the major arcana (+ some bonuses, e.g. aeon / jester / faith / councilor).

for any players going for a 100% social link run, this basically requires each social stat to be maxed out. anyone who’s followed a guide for a 100% run would know that the beginning of the game tends to be very “strict” with how time can be used, most of which involves getting the stats raised  as soon as possible.

outside of characterization and worldbuilding, completing social links are incentivized for a variety of gameplay reasons. so how could this completionist play style affect the protagonists?

prioritizing social stats over everything else: a general view

regardless of which protagonist you want to put under a petri dish, with a 100% run, you’re essentially asking the protagonist to form amicable bonds with 20 or so people, give or take. granted, not everyone becomes adjoined to the hip to the protagonist.

personally, i feel that forming 20 different bonds over the course of a year would be rather strenuous. during these 100% runs, the protagonists may feel that they’re spreading themselves thin trying to dedicate their resources to multiple different people as well as raising their “social stats.” i find the implications that this has on said bonds is so, utterly fascinating.

while this isn’t reflected in the game and would be better represented within a fic, i find it difficult to believe that this type of behavior doesn’t have any ramifications on the quality of the protagonist’s closer relationships (or their self-image, for that matter).

just… imagine calling one of your close friends but then they consistently give responses along the lines of “lmao sorry i’m busy doing other things,” and they rarely make the time of day for you. how would you feel? gameplay-wise, this deterioration of the relationship is best represented in persona 3 with social links reversing if you haven’t spent time with them in awhile.

part of my fascination with this concept is influenced by my own experiences. trying to maintain so many relationships can be difficult to keep up with and it quickly gets overwhelming (see dunbar’s number for more information). jumping between so many people also makes it difficult to focus on a few relationships meaningfully- meaning that relationships may be limited to being simple pleasantries. even then, ‘successfully’ keeping every relationship satisfying comes at the cost of being unable to pursue your own development and interests.

overall, i think that trying to do so many things ends up lowering the quality of the relationship(s) involved, especially when you also consider the fatigue from going to school as well as fighting shadows.

playing the therapist friend / listening role: a general view

another aspect of the 100% run that i think about is how the protagonists rarely open up to other people. a good chunk of SLs follow a storyline of the protagonist acting as a therapist friend/helping the other person through one central issue. some SLs are an exception to this and have a more casual “we’re just hanging out vibe.”

basically, SLs tend to be weighted toward the other character’s growth, moreso than the protagonist’s (which is handled by the main story). that said, the idea of mostly playing a listening role across most of your relationships and not having many that you feel comfortable to speak freely about your own stuff… feels really unbalanced and unhealthy?

i do think that part of the lack of “input” can be attributed to the silent-protagonist approach taken in the games (which is a whole ‘nother topic). but!! i find that each protagonist’s options, while limited, are fun to think about! some of the traits and interpretations i’ve seen for the differing protags, to name a few, include:

being afraid to open up / get attached and keeping people at arm’s distance as a result

needing to be around other people, even if it’s just listening them, to distract from their own struggles / pretend nothing’s wrong with them

enjoying helping others, being a good and careful listener who can provide an appropriate and helpful response

the willingness to prioritize others over themselves; a lack of self-preservation

compulsive people pleasing

at its worst, the lack of “protagonist talking” or equal reciprocation in response could be misinterpreted by the other person as disinterest (like they’re talking to a wall). alternatively- the lack of “personal tidbits” could be taken as, “you don’t trust me enough to be able to open up, huh.” and i just think that seeing this in a fic would be the biggest shitshow ever (and i would read that).

concluding thoughts:

overall, i feel that the protagonists taking a predominantly listening approach to several relationships at once can lead to compassion fatigue and general burnout. the protagonists are rarely at the receiving end of being listened to and/or having their issues worked through… and that’s kind of sad?

while the 100% social link run can provide great power to any persona fusions (and other cool battle abilities + hijinks)... i ultimately think that there’d be a lot of mental strain that would make achieving this much more difficult when you take a narrative-emphasized approach.

i do realize that it is possible to see the general vibe of this post as “100% social link is bad,” but like… there’s something i find really appealing about the messiness of attempting to manage so many relations at once- only to fall short in several of them and attempting to salvage the last bits of their sanity. when you think about the complications of the 100% SL run from the shoes of the protagonist… yeah!! that’s the good shit!

anyways! if anyone knows of any fics with this kinda vibe for the p3/4/5 protags… feel free to drop it in my askbox… i like them all VERY much :3c… and if this raised any food for thought- i’d be equally honored! let the protags go through shit i wanna see their emotions and coping mechanisms damn it! 👏

thinking about my middle school fursona again. might go through my old sketchbooks, who wants to see some fuckass old drawings of her

Me, in a dessous store looking at all of the cute underwear and lingerie I think is cute/pretty:

Too bad no man would ever want to see me in any of this :(

Saeyoung, stalking me over my phone and watching over me:

Laufey looks nothing like loki at all but i love an alternate universe where lomi basically is an asgsrdian clone of laufey lol

i think Thor being extremely familiar with his brother so being weirded out at the similarities in appearance between them (even if they're not THAT similar and no one else sees it much) is funny too

i have so much work to do for finals season which is frustrating bc on the one hand i'm very glad all my classes have project-based finals where i get to be creative instead of just doing an exam or a paper. however. i have a bad habit with every project-based final ever of accidentally getting an idea that's way too ambitious and creating more work for myself than i need to do

however this semester even tho i fell into that exact same trap my two most elaborate final projects each involve 1. editing a video essay which contains an interview i did with paul bellini and at least 45 seconds of it are bellini talking about why he thinks i have great potential as a comedian, and 2. editing a ten minute reel of the documentary footage i got on tour with scott. which of course involves rewatching various videos of me and scott being extremely chaotic together. so i stay winning ig

"learn to code" as advice is such bullshit. i have learned and used four and a half different coding languages through my career (html/css, java, python+sql, c++) and when i say used i mean I've built things in every one but the things that i actually used these languages for??? these earn zero money (with the caveat of until you have seniority in, e.g. front end web dev) what people really mean when they say learn coding is "learn to code. go into investment banking or finance startups." coding does not inherently have money in it. my absolute favourite part of coding? my peak enjoyment? was when i was developing for a visual coding language (you put it together like a flowchart, so say youre using a temperature sensor and you want it to log the temperature once every four hours, you can put the blocks together to make it do that. i was writing the code behind the blocks for new sensors) and i was earning £24k a year and that wasn't even part of my main role. it was an extra voluntary thing i was doing (i was working as a research assistant in biosensors - sort of - at a university, and was developing the visual code for students who didnt want to learn c++) like. i want people to learn to code, i want people to know how their electrical equipment works and how coding works, but dont believe the myth that there is inherently money in coding. the valuable things, the things people are passionate about are still vulnerable to the passion tax (if you want to do it you dont have to be paid for it). skills arent where the money is, money is where the money is.

Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories Playing Cards coming in September 2023

Well, this is awesome.

Three years ago, I moved to Canada after having spent most of my life in the UK, where I had been in a serious relationship for 5 years. Moving to Canada was supposed to be my time. Nine months after the move, I met a wonderful guy. He is the complete opposite of my ex, outdoorsy, fun and outspoken, and we have many a debate, which is something I have felt I needed. Although we do have many differences in personality, I feel it works because my ex and I were so similar that there was no spark.

My boyfriend and I have a lot of spark. By this, I mean we have a lot more arguments than I am used to, or that my nerves are used to. I am by nature quite an easygoing person who avoids confrontation if necessary (this doesn’t mean that I am a doormat). At first, I thought it was fine. We are both passionate people and I feel a bit of fire is healthy. However, the arguing is becoming more and more of the central focus. This has led me to start questioning the overall relationship.

I love my boyfriend and want to live with him and spend my life with him. But he makes me very sad and exhausted. I feel as if, to an extent, the level of arguing has driven me to become almost a shell of myself. I no longer argue as passionately or “stick to my guns”, because I can’t bear it. My boyfriend can be very abrupt and argumentative. He is very good with words and perhaps I am not, or I am not used to having to make such an effort to win arguments because it is not in my nature. I always try to do right by him, but a lot of the time things seem to get twisted as me doing the wrong thing.

I honestly don’t know what to do or how to turn this around. In the back of my mind I have had the thought that it should end.

when two headstrong personalities meet and fall in love, something (or someone) has got to give. obviously all the unnecessary conflict has burned you out a little bit, so now you're the one who's taking a step back and letting him win all the arguments for the sake of peace. a little fire is healthy and it keeps the passion alive even in long-standing relationships, yes, but too much of it can burn the relationship to a crisp. it sounds like at first you two were on the same wavelength, very in sync, as your individual energies matched each other's, but now his personality is progressively taking over while your own flame is wearing thinner. if i were you, I'd try to salvage the salvageable in your relationship by talking to him. he cannot argue alone. two must play that game. but if you remain calm and rational, he'll have to hear you out and communicate with you without arguing or screaming. let him politely know how tired and exhausted this is making you. talking about your diverging views with phlegm and empathy will allow you to save up on precious energies that would only go wasted in another pointless scorched earth argument. if the love is still there, under the ashes of all those unsettled disagreements, then you'll both have to take steps to meet the other halfway eventually. a battle of wits can be fun and stimulating when at its root it is mostly superficial and can be solved with steamy sex, but after a while the fights wear a groove in the relationship and a pattern is established, grudges are planted. so keep that in mind for this relationship or your next. I'm positive you two will be able to solve it like sensible adults and will go back to a healthy balance of fire and water in your couple 🙏🏻

What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in? 2/3

someday. someday when we look back on it all, against the low tide of the collapsing world, the meteors will fall and extinguish us in a blazing fire and i'll have finally stopped whoring myself for anime men built with the consistency of saran wrap

You know that bit of year eleven where you've finished all the content for the courses you're doing but it isn't quite exam season yet so it just feels like you're in limbo... how from the very start of the year I just felt like I was waiting for the 15th of May, to start the exams I've been prepared for since I was four... all the threats and practice and now it's real and it's like you just can't process it, something that has been nothing but a looming shadow for so long is suddenly so real and just around the corner. Full circle. It'll all be over and my mind just can't figure out what to do with that knowledge.