#you cant establish the couch as a metaphor and just do stuff like this and expect me to just be normal about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aaliyah-babe · 3 years

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Pilot: Part One

Pairing: eventual joey x reader

authors note: i do not own anything from friends, all credit goes to their respective owners. feedback is always appreciated.

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the group of five sat in the coffee house, monica and pheobe on the long sofa with chandler on the arm of it, and then joey and y/n sitting on the chairs next to it, as monica explained her ‘not a date’ date,

“there’s nothing to tell! he’s just some guy i work with,” she explained,

“come on. you’re going out with the guy, there’s gotta be something wrong with him,” joey pushed her to tell him, which made y/n hit him on the back of his head,

“now, now, joseph. play nice,” she warned before turning to monica, “does he have twelve fingers?” she joked,

“so does he have a hump? a hump and a hairpiece?” chandler joked which made everyone laugh at his comment.

“wait, does he eat chalk?” pheobe asked, which made everyone stare at her in confusion, once she noticed the stares she explained her question, “just ‘cause i don’t want her to go through what i went through with carl- oh,” she sighed at the memory.

“okay, everybody relax. this is not even a date. it’s just two people going out to dinner and not having sex,” she said which made chandler speak up,

“sounds like a date to me,” he said which made everyone nod in agreement,

time had passed and they hadn’t left the coffee house, but moved seats, monica and chandler were still on the couch, pheobe was on the ground, joey was sat on the green chair, and y/n sat on joey’s lap.

“i’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and i realise i am totally.... naked,” chandler explained,

“oh yeah,” joey nodded, implying that he’s had that dream,

“i’ve had that dream,” monica laughed,

“then i look down, and there is a phone.... there,” chandler explained further.

“instead of?” joey questioned him,

“that’s right!” chandler yelled, which made everyone shake their heads no this time,

“cant say i’ve had that dream, bing,” y/n sighed,

“all of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. and it turns out it’s my mother, which is very, very weird because, she never calls me!” he said, making everyone laugh a little.

it was a while later and they were still in the coffee house, joey and y/n we’re talking,

“okay so if i win, you have to buy me a cookie,” y/n explained,

“yes, but if i win, you have to buy me a cookie,” he said holding out his hand,

she shook it before replying, “deal!”

“or you two could just eat the cookies chandler bought,” monica motioned to the plate of cookies, y/n and joey shared glances before reaching over and taking one each.

the coffee house doors opened and ross walked in, with a sad look on his face,

“hi,” he said sadly, and joey leant over to y/n,

“this guy says hello i wanna kill myself,” she pushed his head back to ross and the rest of them,

“are you okay, sweetie?” monica asked her brother,

“i just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out my mouth and wrapped it around my neck,” he said walking over to chandler’s side of the room, where chandler raised his plate of cookies to him,

“cookie?”

“carol moved her stuff out today,” monica explained for ross,

“oh, i’m so sorry honey,” y/n said to him,

“let me get you some coffee,” monica said, getting up,

he thanked her before sitting down, pheobe immediately gasped, and started cleansing ross’s ora,

“no. oh, no. no, don’t!” he yelled at her, making her stop for a second, “stop cleansing my ora,” she continued anyway, “no just leave my ora alone,” making her stop ross said,

“i’ll be fine, all right? really, everyone. i hope she’ll be very happy,” ross lied,

“no you don’t,” monica said from the counter,

“no i don’t. to hell with her she left me,” ross declared,

joey shook his head before asking, “and you never knew she was a lesbian?”

“no. okay? why does everyone keep fixating on that?!” he asked angrily, “she didn’t know, how should i know?”

“sometimes i wish i was a lesbian,” chandler said, still focused on the paper, he looked up before realising, “did i say that out loud?”

“alright ross, look. you’re feeling a lot of pain right now. you’re angry, you’re hurting. can i tell you what the answer is?” joey asked him and he nodded, “strip joints!” he said which made mos of the group roll their eyes. “oh, come on. you’re single. have some hormones!”

“see, but i don’t want to be single, okay? i just, i just, i just wanna be married again,” he stuttered, just as he said those words a woman in a soaked wedding dress ran into the coffee house, frantically looking around.

“and i just want a million dollars!” chandler motioned to the door,

y/n noticed something about the girl, very farmiliar and she saw that monica noticed too, monica looked at y/n, “is that?” and y/n nodded excitedly, her and monica getting up,

“rachel?” they both asked,

“oh god, guys, hi!” she smiled looking at the two, she hugged them both before continuing, “i just went to tour building and you weren’t there and then this guy, with a big hammer told me that you might be here and you guys are! you are,” she hugged them again, before y/n walked back over to the couch couch,

“can i get you some coffee?” the woman behind the counter asked,

“decaf!” monica pointed at rachel before walking her over to the couch,

“okay, everybody this is rachel another lincoln high survivor,” monica introdouced everybody to her before she introdouced ross.

“and you remember my brother ross,” monica said in more of a question tone.

“sure!” she smiled, and held out her hand,

ross got up to shake it but when he did the umberella popped open, invading the space between them, making them jump.

rachel sat down, as if she isn’t wearing a wedding dress,

“so you want to tell us now?” monica asked her,

“or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?” y/n laughed a little at her comment.

“oh, god. well, it started about a half an hour before the wedding. i was in this room where we were keeping all the presents, and i was looking at this gravy boat; this really gorgeous limoges gravy boat. when all of a sudden,” she started but the lady walked up with her coffe, “sweet and low?” rachel asked, the woman nodded so rachel continued.

“i realised that i was more turned on by this gravy boat than by barry! and then i got really freaked out and that’s when it hit me; how much barry looks like mr. potato head. you know? i mean, i always knew he looked farmiliar but.. anyway, i just had to get out of there and i started wondering, why am i doing this and who am i doing this for? so anyways i just didn’t know where to go and i know that you, you and i have drifted apart but you guys are the only people i knew that lived here in the city,” she said pointing at y/n then at monica,

“who wasn’t invited to the wedding?” monica asked her and y/n raised her eyebrows,

“oh, i was kind of hoping that would’nt be an issue,” she said.

they decided to head back to the apartment and watch some tv, while rachel was on the phone to her father.

on the tv was a spanish telenovela,

“so i’m guessing that she bought her the big pipe organ, and she’s really not happy about it,” monica guessed,

“daddy, i just. i can’t marry him. i’m sorry, i just don’t love him... well it matters to me!” rachel said to her father over the phone.

there was a woman on the stairs of the show and she was wearing pants that she should not have been wearing,

“oooh, she should not be wearing those pants.” chandler said,

“i say, push her down the stairs,” joey said and everybody started chanting,

“push her down the stairs! push her down the stairs! push her down the stairs!” and when the woman pushed the other woman down the stairs everybody cheered.

“come on daddy listen to me!” rachel said which made monica turn off the tv and everybody turned to her,

“it’s like all of my life, everyone has always told me, your a shoe. you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe, you’re a shoe! and then today i just stopped and said, what if i don’t want to be a shoe? what if i wanted to be a purse? or-or-or a hat?!” rachel frantically said, “no i don’t want you to buy me a hat, i’m saying i am a hat- it’s a metaphor daddy!” she yelled into the phone,

“you can see where you have trouble,” ross said walking back and sitting down next to y/n.

“look daddy, it’s my life. well, maybe i’ll just stay here with monica!” rachel yelled into the phone and everybody turned to monica,

“so i guess we’ve established she’s staying here with monica,” monica said, and everybody turned back to rachel,

“well maybe that’s my decision. well maybe i don’t need your money. wait, wait! i said maybe!” rachel yelled before placing the phone down, her father had hung up on her.

the guys were in the kitchen while the girls sat in the living room with rachel, who had a brown paper bag over her mouth to calm her down,

“okay, just breathe. that’s it,” monica soothed her,

“don’t worry rach, just keep breathing,” y/n told her,

“just try to think of nice calm things,” monica told her,

“raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, doorbells and sleigh bells, and- something with mittens, la la la something with string, these are a few...” pheobe began singing, poorly when rachel cut her off.

“i’m all better now,” rachel told her, making her stop singing and smile,

pheobe turned around and faced the guys, “i helped!” she smiled.

“okay, look, this is probably for the best, you know?” monica asked her, motioning for y/n to help her,

“yeah! independence, taking control of your life,” y/n side-hugged rachel.

“and hey, you need anything you can always come to joey,” joey said, putting his hand on rachel’s shoulder, “me and chandler live right across the hall, and he’s away a lot.”

“joey!” y/n hit him on his arm,

“joey stop hitting on her, it’s her wedding day!” monica reminded him,

“what? like there’s a rule or something?” he said.

the intercon buzzed so chandler checked who it was, “please don’t do that again it’s a horrible sound,”

“uh, it’s-it’s paul!” paul shouted through the speaker,

“buzz him in!” monica told him and he did,

“who’s paul?” joey asked her,

“‘paul the wine guy’ paul?” ross asked from behind her,

“maybe,” monica smirked,

“wait- so this whole time your ‘not a date’ date was with paul the wine guy?!” y/n screeeched excitedly,

“he finally asked you out?” ross asked her,

“yes!” monica exclaimed,

“ooh this is a ‘dear diary’ moment,” chandler joked,

“i can’t believe this!” y/n said excitedly,

“wait- rach, i can cancel,” monica said to rachel,

“please, no, go! i’ll be fine,” rachel insisted and monica turned to ross,

“ross, are you okay? i mean, do you want me to stay?” monica asked him,

“that’d be good,” ross said,

“really?!” monica and y/n said,

“no! go on! it’s paul the wine guy!” ross exclaimed, and right on cue, paul knocked on the door,

she opened it and said, “hi! come in,”

he walked in and everybody stood watching him, “paul, this is... everybody,” monica introdouced,

“everybody this is paul,” monica then turned back to paul,

“paul the wine guy!” everyone yelled,

“i’m sorry, i didn’t catch your name. paul, was it?” chandler asked him,

“sit down, i’ll be two seconds,” monica said running into her room,

y/n, joey and chandler went to sit down with paul,

“so paul, long time no see huh?” joey asked him,

“you’ve never met me before,” paul said making y/n and chandler laugh a little,

“right,” joey said embarrassed,

“so, how’s working in the restaurant?” y/n asked him,

“good, it’s uh, it’s good,” he stuttered,

it went silent and awkward until joey pulled y/n away, leaving chandler on the couch,

“what’s up, joey?” she asked him,

“nothing, just didn’t want to be there for any longer,” he told her, handing her a beer,

they stayed in the kitchen as ross talked to rachel, before chandler joined them,

“anyway, if you don’t feel like being alone tonight, joey and chandler are helping me put together my new furniture,” ross said to rachel,

“yes and we’re very excited about it,” chandler sneered,

“thanks, but i think i’m just going to hang out here tonight, it’s been a long day,” she said walking to the bathroom,

“hey, pheebs? you wanna help?” joey asked her,

“i wish i could but, i don’t want to,” she said which made y/n laugh,

“y/n/n, what about you huh?” joey asked her, squeezing her shoulder,

“meh, okay i guess, but i got to leave early though, because i got these new bath salts i want to try,” she smiled

“can we join you, or...” chandler joked, and she laughed, pushing him away,

it was later on and the guys and y/n had headed off to ross’ apartment, and started putting the furniture together, which was not working out so well,

“i’ve finished with the bedside table,” y/n told ross and everyone looked at her with their mouth open, as they were not close to being finished,

“okay, great! thank you! go take it in that room, please,” ross told her and she nodded, walking into the bedroom, she placed the table next to a bed, probably ross’ bed.

she walked back out, “anyone need any help?” she asked them and instantly, three arms flew into the air,

“okay...” she walked to ross since joey and chandler were working together,

“so what are we doing?” y/n asked him,

“well, i’m supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. i have no brackety thing, i see no worm guys whatsoever, and i can not feel my legs,” he said standing up,

ross walked over to the kitchen and y/n joined chandler and joey,

“what’s this?” y/n picked up a piece that wasn’t on the bookcase,

“i have no idea,” chandler told her, while joey shook his head and shrugged,

joey grabbed it off her and tossed it into the plant pot before shouting, “done with the bookcase!”

ross walked in sadly, holding a canned beer, “this was carol’s favourite beer,” he told them,

they looked at eachother, before looking back at ross, “she always drank it out of the can, i should’ve known,”

“hey! wait a second, i drink out of the can and i’m not a lesbian,” y/n said grabbing her beer, “see, look,”

she took a sip of her beer, from the can, after she finished she turned to joey and grabbed his face, pulling him in for a kiss, the kiss only lasted a few seconds before she pulled back,

“see!” she smiled at joey who was smiling happily at that,

“okay, uh ross, let me ask you a question.” joey started after he stopped smiling, “she got, the furniture. the stereo, the good tv. what did you get?” he asked him,

“you guys,” ross told them,

“you got screwed,” joey replied,

“not a good trade,” y/n said at the same time,

“oh my god!” chandler exclaimed.

“well kiddos, i’m going to head home, take that bath,” she said and saw chandler about to say something so she interrupted him, “alone!”

“let me walk you out,” joey said, walking with her,

they got outside of the apartment and joey closed the door, “well, that was... interesting,” joey smirked,

“oh joey! shut up!” y/n smiled at him,

“i’m just saying, you’re a good kisser!” he smiled at her,

“thank you, you are too,” she said.

joey called a cab and y/n got in it, waving at joey who started walking back to the apartments.

she got back to her apartment which was next to monica and rachel’s, before walking in.

she took her coat off and set it down on the kitchen chairs and got changed in her room, before watching tv.

there was a knock at her door, she got up and turned the tv off, opening the door to reveal rachel, a sad rachel,

“honey, come in,” y/n hugged her and she layed with her on the couch for a bit.

“want to talk about it?” y/n asked her and she shook her head no.

“well i’ve got something that might cheer you up,” y/n said running into her room,

she went into her closet and pulled out a black dress, that she didn’t like on herself, but knew it would suit rachel,

“i’ve had this dress for quite some time now, and it’s not my style, so here, take it,” y/n handed her the dress and rachel thanked her,

“oh it’s beautiful, thank you so much y/n/n!” rachel hugged her greatfully.

it was later on and rachel had went back to her apartment and y/n had decided to go to sleep.

read Part Two here!

#friends #joey tribbiani #rachel green #chandler bing #monica geller #pheobe buffay #ross geller #x reader #friends series

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