#yes thank you this is my finest shitpost
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Image description below the cut
Image 1: Kill Six Billion Demons: Seeker of Thrones page 7-75, showing Lucky Felicia, a woman of color wearing an eyepatch and a hood that has cat ears and whiskers sewn on it; Cio, a short blue devil with horns and long black hair; Allison, a white woman with brown hair in a bob and a white gem in her forehead; and Oscar, a tall red devil with horns and a very long nose. They are standing in front of a door decorated with a huge hypperrealistic red face contorted into an expression of agony.
The face on the door opens its mouth, showing very large teeth dripping saliva, and begins to scream. Lucky Felicia covers her ears and cowers away from the noise.
The next panel zooms out, showing 7 figures in front of the door. Lucky Felicia says, "Cio?! Someone has got to hear that!" Cio responds, "The priests are already coming. It activated as soon as we entered this hall. There's no other way through. But..."
The next panel shows Cio looking over her shoulder, eyes narrowed. She says, "There's another way to open the door."
Allison, sweating and looking horrified, says, "Oh. Fuck. No. Fuck no." Felicia, still covering her ears, has a speech bubble with just two question marks in it.
Cio, looking down, says, "It's so obvious, so ingenious. Arguing it about it only loses you time. And even if you do open the door. It poisons your group. Sows mistrust and fear. It's the perfect defense."
Cio turns fully to the group, eyes narrowed. The open mouth is fully visible behind her. She says, "I thought of this door often. Only someone like Yabalchoath could open it. Somebody with no friends in the world. Because there's only one way to beat it."
The final panel shows Oscar dragging Lucky Felicia backwards; Felicia is crying and sweating. Oscar says, "Yeah! Decide who to feed to the door before you even start! Keh heh heh!"
Image 2: Boromir "one does not simply" meme edited to say "One does not simply unlock the vore door."
/End image description
#yes thank you this is my finest shitpost#The Vore Door™#ciocie cioelle#lucky felicia#seeker of thrones spoilers#kill six billion demons#ksbd#blorbo from my somewhat wheel shaped universe
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Thanks for the tag @starlightrows !!! ILY<3
1. Why did you choose you url?
Started this blog during quarantine. Soclonely is a play on so lonely, so clonely because I love clones, and when I was creating it the damn farmers only dot com commercial was on
2. Any side blogs?
Uhhhh yes @79s-staff, @99maintainingexcellence @darkside-of-the-holonet (18+ only minors DNI)
3. How long have you been on Tumblr?
a very long time :') soclonely is newer but my privates been around since 2013ish
4. Do you have a queue tag?
Nope!
5. Why did you started your blog in the first place?
A bitch was lonely and sad during quarantined and wanted a safe escape
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?
Because @local-gonk-droid-union spoils the hell out of me
7. Why did you choose your header?
Because in this house we are 79s clonebar stans and its the watering hole for the GARS finest
8. What's your post with most notes?
Gregor text quote i think?
9. How many mutual do you have?
uhhhhh good question:'))) I love you all
10. How many followers do you have?
899 and love them all very much
11. How many people do you follow?
734!
12. Have you ever made a shitpost?
Whew uh
where do we start?
13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?
I do be scrolling through the tumblr often
14. Did you fight/argument with another blog once?
uhhhh nope! But have had a nasty anon or two
15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?
a reblog on something does not define me as a person IRL
16. Do you like tag games?
Fuck yeah especially picrews
17. Do you like ask games?
I like them when it causes us to interact!
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?
What is tumblr famous
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
PLATONIC PELVIS ANON REVEAL MY BELOVED
No Pressure Tags: @thelove-ablepenguin @suenami3 @jgvfhl
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Tagged by the wonderful @moonbeameddie - thank you! 💗💗💗
Why did you choose your URL?
I love me some Eddie, and as a firefighter and a medic I thought it was fitting for him. ❤❤
Any sideblogs?
Yes.
Some of them I’m going to keep safely tucked away in secret, but you can check these ones out!
@curator-of-shitposts - a collection of only the finest shitposts, positivity posts, and things I find amusing. If you need some serotonin, go check it out!
@per-scientiam-ad-astra - my science sideblog so I’m not spamming y’all with my geeking out over new articles and academic shitposts.
@theplaceforprompts - a blog where I collect writing prompts and writing help posts.
@boredgaymer-girls - a blog that @fireladybuckley and I run where we reblog and post all sorts of things about board games, card games, video games, and any other kind of game you can think of. It hasn’t been updated in a while, but it still lives, I promise!
How long have you been on Tumblr?
Too long.
This blog has been around for what, six years I think? I went from being a Star Trek blog to being a 9-1-1 blog.
My other main blog that’s now completely dead and I haven’t logged into in like.... 2 years, has been around since not too long after Tumblr was established.
Do you have a queue tag?
Yes! I have a couple of different ones, depending on the content I’m queueing.
#9-1-1 what is your queue? - for all of my 9-1-1 and LS stuff.
#damn it man I'm a doctor not a queue - for pretty much everything else - it’s a relic from my Star Trek blogging days!
Why did you start your blog in the first place?
My original blog was started when @fireladybuckley showed me some of the cool stuff you can see on Tumblr. This blog was created in an attempt to find a wider audience for my fanfiction.
Why did you choose your icon?
Because I would give my life for Eddie Diaz and I love the scene it’s taken from. 😎😎😎
Why did you choose your header?
I didn’t. My layout is a default layout, but I like the crisp and clean look of it, so I just kept it the way it is!
What’s your post with the most notes?
I have so many posts it took jetblackcode like 10 minutes to sort through them all.
It’s this old Star Trek reader insert soulmate AU here.
How many people do you follow?
387.
Have you ever made a shitpost?
I make shitposts all the time.
Take MS Paint away from me before I make any more awful, horrible memes.
How often do you use Tumblr?
Daily.
Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? Who won?
I’ve had a few squabbles with other blogs in my time. I usually win because I keep a cool head and use factual information to bolster my arguments and I’m rabid AF and won’t drop something when I know I’m right.
How do you feel about “you need to reblog this post”?
Honestly? I think it’s garbage.
As someone with crippling anxiety and mental health issues, and as someone who works with countless patients with mental health issues, those kinds of guilt trippings posts are more harmful than they are helpful to whatever cause they’re insisting you spread word about, at least on this particular site. People come to Tumblr to have fun, look at and reblog fun things, and get away from the things they’re facing in the real world around the clock. Throwing those kinds of guilt trips in their faces is unhelpful at best and damaging AF at worst. Besides that, just because someone doesn’t reblog a post about a particular issue doesn’t mean they’re not invested and supportive in other ways.
Stop it. Don’t be that asshole.
Do you like tag games?
Yes! 💗💗
Do you like ask games?
Yes! 💗💗
Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
Oh man, so many of them. Definitely @ashavahishta and @hmslusitania and @outrunningthedark - any time we interact I scream a little inside like the fangirl that I am.
Do you have a crush on a mutual?
Well I’m common-law married to @fireladybuckley and she is my Earth, my moon, my sun and stars. Every time I think about her, though we’ve been together for over 7 years, I get butterflies in my stomach and I want to barf rainbows.
Tagging (if y’all want to do it):
@dearestdiaz @fireladybuckley @bookcaseninja @fleurdebeton @buckleyevan @eddiediazisascorpio @himbodiaz @lesbiandiaz @the-moons-raes @spnheartfic @nurse-buckley @outrunningthedark and anyone else who is interested!
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20 Questions Tag Game
Thank you for tagging me @the-soot-sprite 💖
Rules: make a new post and share your answers.
1. Why did you choose your url?
Because I am a fangirl who loves a lot of things. I had many sideblogs and then made this as an everything blog... but I’ve since made more sideblogs. 🤦♀️ I need a time out.
2. Any sideblogs? If you do, name them and say why you have them.
I have way too many to possibly even try to explain. Just put me in Tumblr jail. I should probably be banned from ever making another one.
3. How long have you been on tumblr?
OMG so long... This blog is apparently 9 years old. WTF. I did not know that. Now I’m questioning why I’m still here. I’ve been sucked in. Send help. My original main is over 11 years old...clearly I need help or time out.
4. Do you have a queue tag?
Nope. I’m too lazy for that.
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?
I love fandoms. I love creating and enjoying other people’s creations. My IRL friends do not so I found new friends with similar interests. I also love getting lost in the blackhole that is tumblr.
6. Why did you choose your icon?
Dancing Zemo is my jam! It is one of my favorite commissions.
7. Why did you choose your header?
The Falcon Captain America & The Winter Soldier White Wolf is my favorite thing currently. As is my sweet Zemo. I’m absolutely in love with the cute cheeb images I commissioned from the talented @weetlebeetle so I had to make them my icon and header
8. What’s your post with the most notes?
Fanfiction: “I’ve Got You” Baron Zemo x Reader
Gifset: Good Omens/Ineffable Husbands “Heart Eyes Appreciation”
I also have a Pretty Little Liars rant that apparently has 1,500 notes, but I’m not linking that though LOL (It was right before I gave up on the show. Apparently I had some thoughts... well questions that tore the plot apart.)
9. How many mutuals do you have?
No idea at all
10. How many followers do you have?
On this one blog or all together? Because that’s too many blogs to figure out ha
11. How many people do you follow?
I honestly don’t know... I have more than one main and follow different fandoms/blogs on different accounts (again, just put me in Tumblr time out or send help)
12. Have you ever made a shitpost?
Not lately, but yes.
13. How often do you use tumblr each day?
Not as often as I used to just because real life, but far too much time. Mindless scrolling is a wonderful pastime.
14. Have you ever had a fight/argument with another blog? Who won?
No. That’s way too much work. No drama llama!
15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
Reblog what you want. But if you like something, reblog it. Likes don’t help content producers spread their work, only reblogs do. So if you enjoy something and want more of that content, then please support the creator by reblogging. It means the world. Plus who doesn’t want to enjoy new content?
16. Do you like tag games?
Yes, they are good distractions and help me avoid writing. Procrastination at its finest.
17. Do you like ask games?
I do, but I don’t typically get asks.
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
It really depends on the fandom and that fandom’s size. So it’s an objective concept. And unfortunately there are some people that get too caught up on it and then you get the big blog vs little blog fights and just no. No drama! Everyone create and be happy. ❤️
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
Not unless Zemo is a secret tumblr mutual 😉
20. Tags?
Feel free to ignore if you are not interested
@animnerd, @charistory, @arizemo, @daniel-bruhhl
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Not Nineteen Forever (12) (Branjie/Scyvie/Ninex)- Ortega
a/n: hey friends! here’s chapter 12 of Not Nineteen Forever, i’m sorry it’s so late but i want to thank everyone who waited patiently and was so polite and encouraging while waiting. it really made me smile! remember i always love and am so grateful for sweet comments either on AQ, through reblog, or on my blog, so keep them coming bc they motivate me no end!! hope u all enjoy this chapter (p.s. finally accepted the ninex in this fic is not in any way background any more xo) xxxxxxx
trigger warning: alcohol n naughty texts xo
please note: this fic contains young adults often behaving in irresponsible/unadvisable ways with regards to alcohol, drugs and sex. if you are someone who feels as if they could be heavily influenced by fic and incorporate what happens in the plot into ur own life, pls steer clear!
summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.
last chapter: Monet and Nina continued to be adorable, Yvie and Scarlet continued to be cute, but Brooke wasn’t sure if she wanted the same for her and Vanessa.
this chapter: there’s library woes, a flat party, a lilac-haired, tattooed bombshell, and Yvie confides in Scarlet.
***
Scarlet let a long puff of air out of her cheeks and blinked at her laptop, bored. She’d been so eager for Uni to start back again, so excited to get back to the city and see her friends that she slightly forgot about the whole academic aspect of everything. Lectures had started that week and in between trying to force four different modules’ worth of information into her head she had caught up with Vanjie, chatting before, after and in between lectures when they could. It was interesting, Scarlet thought. Before Christmas she could never get her to shut up about Brooke and how things were going with her but ever since the holidays it seemed as if Brooke was a subject to be avoided. Scarlet knew something must have changed but she didn’t want to push Vanjie for information if she wasn’t ready to share it. They still seemed to be together, anyway, even if things seemed a little strained.
At least she could say that wasn’t the case for her and Yvie. After many long evening Skype sessions during the holidays, the pair of them had decided that they couldn’t bear to be apart a moment longer and so Scarlet had taken the six hour train to go and stay with her girlfriend at her family home for a few days. She had been a bag of nerves at the thought of meeting Yvie’s family, but her Mum had been lovely (and seemingly just relieved that her daughter had settled down), her Dad had been welcoming, if a little quiet (“He’s under strict instructions not to speak because every time he opens his mouth he embarrasses me”), and the brothers and sisters that were still at home and not out somewhere or back to uni themselves were kind and friendly. In the three days they spent together, Scarlet and Yvie went for cold, crisp walks along the beach, curled up on Yvie’s old battered leather sofa the family had had since she was small and watched Disney films, gone ice skating, and looked out over Yvie’s city on a rickety ferris wheel that had looked as if it would take one good sneeze to knock it down.
But all that movie-screen romance was behind her now, as the most romantic Scarlet had been with Yvie in the week since they’d been back at uni was a Tesco Finest £10 meal deal cooked in Yvie’s flat and then watched in front of the TV as a perfect accompaniment to Coronation Street. They were both busy and waiting for their academic life to slow down a little again. The same could be said for their whole friendship group, really. The whole gang hadn’t done anything all together since their Christmas dinner, and Scarlet was itching for a night out where she could get absolutely off her face and forget that she was working towards the degree that would define the rest of her life. Sighing again and feeling the words on her laptop merge into a big blur, Scarlet looked up at the big clock on the wall. Five o'clock. She turned to Akeria who was sat at the desk beside her. She and Silky had come to join her mid-study, the latter having been dragged into the library by her flatmate because she still hadn’t handed in an essay that had been due since before Christmas and Akeria was quite frankly concerned.
“Akeria,” Scarlet whispered, the other girl quickly finishing a sentence she was working on, turning away from her laptop towards Scarlet and pushing her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. “I want a night out. This is shit.”
“This is what we signed up for, baby,” Akeria gave a small laugh and shrugged, turning back to her laptop. Akeria’s dissertation wasn’t due until May but she had already started writing it, which struck the fear of God into the majority of their friendship group and made them all feel like slackers. “This is uni. This is our fuckin’ degree, girl.”
“You’re really making me feel better,” Scarlet rolled her eyes, Akeria giving another laugh under her breath.
“Hey,” Silky said from her position at the desk across from them, her voice entirely at speaking-pitch and causing a few heads to turn their way. “What’re you hoes talkin’ about? I want in.”
“We’re bitching about you,” Akeria deadpanned, tapping away at her keyboard.
“Fuck off, Kiki.”
“I want a night out,” Scarlet hissed over to her as quietly as she could. “But Little Miss Law Degree wants to stay in the library from dusk til dawn every evening until she graduates.”
Scarlet’s face lit up as Silky bellowed a laugh so loud it caused the girl beside her to put a set of earphones in. Looking at Akeria and hoping she hadn’t been offended, she was relieved to see the other girl giving her a wry smile.
“This bitch can be so savage when she wants to be, Jesus. Ouch. No, I’m just sayin’! This was what we chose to do, so quit complaining,” Akeria rolled her eyes, leaned back in her chair and stretched. “That being said…I do think I’ve earned a night out.”
“Well me fuckin’ too, bitch!” Silky exclaimed incredulously, Scarlet laughing in spite of herself.
“How much have you written, Silk?” she asked, the girl opposite looking down at her laptop, clicking a few times, then looking back up to the girls in front of her.
“You know what…it don’t matter how many words I’ve done, it’s the level of mental energy I have needed to use in order to-”
“Silky, how many words,” Akeria demanded, fixing her with a stare that looked as if it could slice her in half.
“Ninety-four.”
“Jesus Christ on a crystal meth binge,” Akeria sighed, Scarlet letting out a splutter beside her. Silky looked at them both pleadingly.
“Hey, now don’t make me feel bad! We only been in here-”
“An hour and a quarter,” Akeria stared at her.
Silky threw her hands up. “Well I been doing readings an’ shit! Do you know how hard it is to get any articles that have the exact quote ‘Boris Johnston is a piece of dog shit’? Fuckin’ hard!”
“Why the hell are you looking for that?” Akeria blurted out, unable to keep herself from laughing. Scarlet was laughing so hard she thought she would pass out.
“Because, bitch! I want to use that exact wording in my essay but I need some academic shit to back me up.”
“Fuck me.”
“To be fair, that is the worst,” Scarlet shrugged, not wanting Silky to feel too demoralised. “Searching for three hours to find one reference that can back up one of your points. Like, why can’t you just make the point because you want to? You know? Why is your opinion only valid if it’s been previously thought up by a white man in a suit?"
"Very profound,” Silky nodded emphatically. “Anyway, this bitch needs to get her drink on. I’m going to ask the girls."
As she watched Silky pick up her phone, Scarlet was reminded to check her own. She’d deliberately sat on it and put it on flight mode in an attempt to force herself to do work. Now, she felt as if she could excuse a small break. Turning off flight mode, she watched as a small flood of notifications came through. There had been fifteen new group chat messages, Nina had tagged them all in a meme, and she had two messages from Yvie. She checked the latter first, wondering if she would ever get tired of the feeling of her heart soaring like a balloon every time she saw, heard or spoke Yvie’s name.
Y: if i told u i was considering buying a set of faux-leather underwear would that be weird or a turn-on
Y: also that lasagne is even better on the second day u need to have some of it when ur round
S: Sorry this took me so long!!!!!! I turned my phone on flight mode in an attempt to get some work done
S: No such luck
S: Leather look underwear is a yes from me but i’m inclined to ask for pics first xoxoxoxoxo
S: Also yes i want lasagne
S: That’s not a euphemism btw i actually really do want some lasagne
Y: 😈
As Scarlet gave a soft laugh to herself, she checked what had been going on on the group chat since she’d been studying. She wondered what exciting plans could have been made, or what drama could have happened, or if anyone had any exciting or interesting news.
Okay Then: oh my god
Kim Kardashian-West: ??????
Okay Then: has anyone seen the state of Simon Cowell’s face
Scarlet gave a colossal roll of her eyes. She should have known that, at times, the groupchat could become one massive shitpost.
Kim Kardashian-West: No??? What’s he done to it?? Has he been in a crash?
Okay Then: he might as fucking well have been
What followed was a picture of what seemed to be a man whose face had been partially melted with a blowtorch, until Scarlet looked closer and realised that it was indeed the TV talent show judge.
mose: Jesus Fucking Christ what’s he done to himself
Scarlet’s bitch: that’s frightening
Okay Then: RIGHT???
Scarlet’s bitch: that’s what i see in the corner of my room when i have sleep paralysis
Kim Kardashian-West: That is TRULY the stuff of nightmares!!!!
Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Fucking hell Plastique don’t fucking frighten us like that!!!
mose: He must surely see that he looks like shit? Like how could you not?
Okay Then: how can he see anything when his eyebrows are now entirely obscuring his eyes
Kim Kardashian-West: I am actually quite frightened guys
At this point, Scarlet caught up to the current conversation.
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AS TERRIFYING AS SIMON COWELL’S FACE IS
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: CAN WE TALK BUSINESS FOR A SECOND?
Kim Kardashian-West: Of course!
mose: I’m all business
Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Sure you are baby xxxxxxx
Scarlet’s Bitch: that is fucking vile keep that shit off the groupchat u big gays
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YA FAV BITCHES ARE IN THE LIBRARY AND WE ARE GAGGING FOR A NIGHT OUT
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: WE AIN’T HAD ONE IN AGES
Okay Then: yaaaaaaaaaas bitches let’s do it
Okay Then: thursday night fever
Kim Kardashian-West: Well Monet invited me to this flat party she’s hosting tonight
Kim Kardashian-West: I could ask her if you guys could come too?
Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: Omg yes I’m down!
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YES BITCH FLAT PARTY!!!!
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: AND IF SHE SAYS NO JUST SAY SHE AIN’T GETTIN ANY PUSS FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE
Kim Kardashian-West: SILKY!!!!!!!! THAT IS DISGUSTING!!!
Yvie’s Bitch: We were all thinking it xoxo
Brooke’s Ford Transit Vanjie: AHAHAHAHAHA SILK
Okay Then: YES Scarlet
Kim Kardashian-West: You’re all horrible. And uninvited.
mose: Ninaaaaaa
Okay Then: Nina pls
Scarlet’s Bitch: fuck i’m not even sure i can do tonight ladies
large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: YVIE DONT YOU DARE
Scarlet’s Bitch: i’ve got a 9am tomorrow and i want to get that first u know
mose: Yvieeee the last time we were all together was literally over a month ago
Scarlet pouted to herself, disappointed at the thought of Yvie being the only one not out. Suddenly, an idea began to form in her head. Biting back a smile, she took to her chat with Yvie.
S: Yvieeeee
Y: Scarleeeeet
S: Please come to the flat party :(((((((
S: I’ll do anything you want
Y: anything i want?
S: Yesssss
Y: that sounds like a challenge princess
Scarlet crossed her legs and felt herself squeezing her thighs together. Looking around at the rows of silent people, she turned her phone brightness down to make extra sure nobody could see her messages, just in case the conversation turned the way Scarlet thought it was about to.
S: Well it depends on what you want me to do x
Y: wellllll
Y: i’ve been wondering if u can take a strap like a good girl
Scarlet felt briefly as if she’d been shocked by a defibrillator. Yvie always seemed to go from 0 to 100 real fucking quick, and Scarlet couldn’t help but love it.
S: You know I could baby
Y: i know you could, you’re such a good girl
Y: so how about if i come to this party i get to watch u bounce on my dick until u cum all over it
Scarlet could feel her face growing red. She and Yvie had messaged like this before, when they had been at home and miles away from each other and alone and very much not-in-a-public-place, but this was so fucking different.
S: Christ Yves I’m in the library!!!!
Y: shut up u started all this!!
S: Yeah I kinda did
Y: deliberately getting me to tell u what i want to do to u later when ur sitting in public in a fucking silent building
Y: jesus fucking christ Scarlet that’s so hot
Scarlet felt an urgent pulse of heat between her legs and she squirmed in her seat.
S: Where are you just now?
Y: i’m in bed
Y: touching myself at the thought of u sitting absolutely soaking wet and being able to do fuck all about it
S: So you’re coming to the party baby?
Y: how about
Y: if u can get to the flat before i cum i’ll fuck u into the mattress and i’ll come to this party or whatever
Scarlet nearly jammed her fingers in her laptop in her haste to get it shut, wrenched her charger out of its socket so hard it almost broke, and muttered a near-breathless goodbye to a confused Akeria and Silky all in the space of about twenty seconds as she struggled into her coat and sped out into the stairwell.
Five hours later Scarlet had managed to fit a lot in. She’d hurried round to Yvie’s to find her in bed in the black lace underwear she knew drove Scarlet crazy, and they’d fucked twice (fast, rough and passionate then sweet, tender and gentle) before Scarlet had reluctantly dragged herself out of Yvie’s bed to head back to her own flat and get ready for the party. Nobody seemed to know what the dress code was, least of all Nina who had sent about nine different outfit options to the group chat for opinions, so Scarlet settled on a tight black bandage dress that stopped at her calves, with trainers to dress it down a bit. She’d hurriedly munched down a bowl of pasta a la whatever-was-left-in-the-fridge, then set off across town to meet the girls at the edge of the park, where they had decided they would all meet then walk together to Monet’s flat.
Scarlet heard her friends before she saw them, Vanjie’s distinctive laugh ricocheting off trees and mixing with Yvie’s Bond-villan one letting Scarlet know she was heading in the right direction. Finally reaching the group, Scarlet gave them all a hug in turn and took in each of their outfits. It was still icy and cold, so most of them had opted for trainers over heels- save for Plastique, who always wore them for any night out and Vanjie, who was wearing chunky heeled boots. Much of their clothes clashed with the weather, though. Plastique and Akeria were in tight dresses, Brooke and Silky were in short skirts and tops. Vanjie had chosen some loose-fitting ripped denim jeans and a tiny bodysuit which left little to the imagination. Nina had gone for a light blue t-shirt dress and a chunky pair of trainers, her nerves palpable even in the group dynamic. Scarlet thought Yvie looked the best though in her burnt orange velvet skirt and tight black long-sleeved bodysuit, her unruly hair tamed and brushed into two huge bunches.
"You look nice, Nina!” Scarlet complimented her in an attempt to calm her down.
“Aww, Scarlet! Do I actually?” Nina smiled brightly, then cringed at herself. “Fuck! Why can’t I just take a fucking compliment like a goddamn normal person? I do this with Monet all the time!”
“Because you got a big-ass crush,” Silky shrugged. “It’s almost as big as Akeria’s ass. Not quite, though.”
“Shut up,” Akeria rolled her eyes and shoved her friend.
“Does it even count as a crush if you’re seeing the person in question?” Scarlet wondered out loud. Plastique shifted her weight from one foot to the other.
“Don’t know. Ask Brooke or Vanjie.”
The group exploded into laughter, something about it not quite meeting Brooke or Vanessa’s eyes. They were both standing close together, hands entwined, but Scarlet didn’t know. There seemed as if there was something off. Forced, even.
“Okay, let’s go, motherfuckers. I’m freezing my vagina off,” Vanjie said decisively, Nina moving first and making to lead the way.
“Right, a few things before we arrive,” Nina began speaking at a mile a minute before Scarlet could even compliment Yvie on her outfit. “Monet has somehow got it into her head that you guys are cool enough to be invited to this party. She doesn’t know the truth yet, so just try to act like a group of normal fucking human beings?”
“The truth? What the hell is that meant to mean?!” Brooke let out a laugh.
“That you’re all fucking weirdos! And she, for some reason, still likes me, so I am not having you all put that in jeopardy, capiche?” Nina snapped back, only half-joking.
“Jeez, thanks,” Akeria rolled her eyes, Nina instantly protesting.
“I’m joking! I’m joking. But not really. Like Silk, please try not to overdo it tonight?”
Silky raised her eyebrows and sucked her cheeks in. “I’m making no promises, girl.”
“Akeria, please don’t accidentally make out with anyone’s boyfriends?”
“Oh my God Nina! That happened ONCE!” Akeria cried out incredulously.
“And Vanjie, don’t-”
“Nina. We’re not going to embarrass you. Chill the fuck out,” Yvie rolled her eyes and squeezed the shoulder of the girl in front of her.
The girls all finally reached Monet’s old, red-brick building and her front door, and Nina pressed the buzzer nervously. There came a crackly screech of mayhem through the intercom which contained unintelligible speech, and then the girls were all quickly buzzed in. Scarlet looked to Yvie questioningly as she wondered if she’d heard any words, but she also appeared to be as clueless as she was. It didn’t seem to faze any of the other girls though, as Vanjie was already bounding up the stairs with Akeria as fast as her chunky heels could carry her. They didn’t have to walk far, as Monet’s flat was on the first floor. Vanjie moved to open the door first when it was suddenly wrenched open from the other side to reveal a tiny, skinny blonde girl with her hair curled and loose on her shoulders. Her pink dress was as tiny as she was, but regardless of her size she looked ready to fight.
“Who the fuck are you?” she addressed Akeria, barely acknowledging the others. “You here to sell us girl scout cookies, or an Avon catalogue, check our meter readings maybe?"
Just as Akeria looked as if she would instigate a full-scale fight, Nina poked her head out from behind Brooke’s tall frame. "Cracker, don’t be a dick!”
The girl’s face immediately relaxed into a wide, shameless smile. “Nina! Oh my God, you bitch, I never saw you! Come in, God!”
Akeria still bristling and Vanjie not too dissimilar, the girls all trooped into the flat which immediately struck Scarlet as something out of an American teen Netflix special. The hall was dark with the occasional string of fairy lights, and was packed full of people. Scarlet instinctively reached for Yvie’s hand in the crowd and got a squeeze back without even having to look at her. Nina and the girl, Cracker apparently, led them through to a huge bedroom which had obviously once been a living room but had been repurposed by a money-hungry landlord. The room was quieter but still had its fair share of people dotted about in amongst the Morrocan market wall-coverings, tiny elephant incense stick holders, and swathes of printed photos and posters that covered the walls like tiles. A huge bed sat to one side where Monet sat sprawled out with her shoes kicked off, chatting to a black girl with a huge afro that otherwise looked so identical to her Scarlet assumed they must be sisters. Cracker flung herself down on top of the mattress and joined them, gesturing vaguely to the girls.
“Neens!!” Monet suddenly squealed as she looked up, throwing her arms out as Nina launched herself half on the bed and half on top of her. Monet continued, muffled, as the rest of the girls awkwardly lingered. “I’m so happy you came, oh my God, this is so amazing!”
“I brought everyone too. Is that still okay? They can leave if not,” Nina instantly reeled off, Brooke bellowing out a laugh. Monet’s face lit up.
“Oh my God of course not! Brooke! Scarlet! Yvie!! Oh my God, come and hug me,” Monet beamed, her intoxication showing ever so slightly as Brooke graciously leaned down and hugged the other girl them got instantly pulled onto the bed. Monet gestured for everyone to come closer. “Guys! It’s so good to see you all, thanks so much for coming! There’s, like. Endless booze in the kitchen. Feel free to just drink us out of house and home.”
Silky’s face lit up and she immediately grabbed Akeria and Plastique, making to drag them through. “Vanj, you comin’?”
“Get me something? I'mma stay here with my girl,” Vanessa shouted back, giving a smile back to Brooke but finding the other girl looking down at her phone instead. Scarlet frowned involuntarily and then was suddenly distracted by a squeeze of her hand from Yvie (who still hadn’t let go).
“I’m going to go make sure Silky doesn’t give herself alcohol poisoning. You want me to bring you back a drink?” she offered, Scarlet unable to help the smile that spread across her face.
“You’re a sweetheart. Surprise me.”
“A pint glass of tequila it is,” Yvie deadpanned as she walked away, too quick for Scarlet’s hand that swatted at her in response. Scarlet tuned into the conversation that the girls were all having on the bed. It was big, but it was still a bed in a student flat, and so Brooke had her elbows resting on the mattress and her lower body on the floor and Scarlet had had to squeeze up to make room for Vanjie to sit beside her.
“She was guarding the place like fort fuckin’ knox,” Vanessa was saying, a playful side eye being cast to the blonde girl, who let out a laugh.
“You’re an animal,” Monet’s potential sister rolled her eyes. “A living guard dog. We should put a collar on you. One of those ones with spikes.”
“Nah. That’s only reserved for people who want to fuck me. Do you want to fuck me, Bob?” the girl asked easily, before taking a swig of the cider bottle she was holding. Monet hooted a laugh and the other girl didn’t even break her expression.
“I wouldn’t eat your pussy if it was made of chocolate fuckin’ fudge cake. Get the fuck out,” she retorted, Nina looking up at them all from her position on Monet’s tummy.
“Is that not that Lana Del Ray lyric? My pussy tastes like chocolate fudge cake…”
Scarlet let out a laugh that was more like a scream, the others on the bed doing much the same thing. Monet wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath.
“Oh my God, okay. For those of you that haven’t met before- this is Cracker and Bob. Two out of the three girls I have the blessing or curse of living with, I haven’t figured out yet,” she gestured to the two girls in turn and then turned to Scarlet. “And this is Scarlet, Vanjie and Brooke Lynn. They’re Nina’s friends, so they’re obviously amazing.”
“Nina could throw up on your bed and you’d say it was amazing,” Cracker looked pointedly at Monet. Monet shrugged and threw her arms around Nina.
“And what?"
"Nice to meet you guys. Are you two sisters?” Scarlet asked, curiosity getting the better of her as she pointed between Bob and Monet. Monet laughed and Bob rolled her eyes.
“Are you saying that all black people look the same?” Bob asked her with a piercing stare, Scarlet’s entire stomach dropping at the thought of having offended her.
“Oh my God, no! No no no, I just thought-”
“She’s kidding, Scarlet. Being a dick, as usual,” Monet cut off Scarlet’s frantic protests and immediately calming her down. “No, we’re not related. We just look spookily alike.”
“You fuckin’ wish you looked even a tenth as good as me. Hey, where the fuck is Monique?” Bob asked suddenly, both Cracker and Monet shrugging.
“Flatmate number four,” Monet quickly cut in to explain.
“Away making some chaotic cocktail, probably,” Cracker shrugged. Bob gave another roll of her eyes, then turned and smiled at Brooke, Scarlet and Vanessa.
“Nice to meet you anyway. Are you all flatmates too?” Bob asked politely, ignoring the position of the slit on her long skirt as she crossed her legs.
“Not us three exactly. Brooke lives with Nina and Yvie, that’s my girlfriend,” Scarlet explained, her stomach full of fizzy fireworks at being able to say that for real. “Vanj lives with Silky and Akeria over on Antigua Road.”
“They’re the best hoes in the world. They’re through in the other room getting drunk, but you’d love them,” Vanjie cut in. Cracker let out a laugh.
“Oh yeah, shit. Sorry I was so mean to you.”
Vanessa smiled easily, the free alcohol that the flatmates were providing clearly making up for any perceived slight. “Don’ worry about it, girl. We’d probably do the same if some hoes we didn’t know turned up at our party.”
“What about you, Scarlet?” Bob asked politely, instantly seeming far less intimidating.
“I’m over on the South Side. Kinda far out. I found this girl on SpareRooms to live with, but she’s a bit of a dick,” Scarlet explained awkwardly. Cracker leaned in, her eyes shining excitedly.
“What’s her name?”
“Fuck, I don’t want to say in case any of you are friends with her!” Scarlet laughed, but no protestations came. She lowered her voice as she continued. “It’s Ra'Jah? Ra'Jah O'Hara?”
“Oh, FUCK!” Bob cried out, holding onto Cracker for support as she almost fell off the bed. “I know who that is! She’s in my Econ tutorials! Oh my God, she’s an actual fucking moron. I had a group project with her once and she did literally nothing but talk about drugs and bitch about people on our course.”
As Scarlet was about to launch into how horrifically messy a flatmate she was, Yvie came back from the kitchen with two bottles of beer and a tall black girl with a shock of lilac hair swept up into a ponytail and a matching straight fringe. She was wearing a black pair of jeans and a tiny black cropped t shirt which showed off her many tattoos, and in her hand looked to be an elaborate mojito-style concoction.
“I made a friend!” she cried, before slumping herself down beside Vanjie, Scarlet growing ever more squashed up against the bedpost.
“Oh, the wanderer returns,” Cracker deadpanned. “What did you make?”
“Margarita mojito,” the girl shrugged, sipping her drink to punctuate her sentence. “It’s basically a mojito with a big-ass shot of tequila in it. Guys, this is Yvie! She’s Nina’s friend!”
“Oh, you’re Scarlet’s girlfriend!” Bob smiled at her in recognition, Yvie clambering into a tiny space on the middle of the bed, handing one of the beers to Scarlet, and casting her a look through narrowed eyes.
“What have you been saying about me, bitch?” Yvie smiled playfully, the look she was fixing her causing a sudden flash of heat to strike between Scarlet’s legs.
“All good things, baby,” Scarlet smiled innocently, Yvie relaxing and leaning back against Scarlet’s chest.
“This is Bob and Cracker. They’re my other flatmates. You’ve already met Monique, then?” Monet introduced the girls to Yvie.
“Yeah, we bonded over watching Akeria flirt with people. The bitch is a fucking mastermind. She walked into the kitchen and had a guy talking to her within, like, one minute.”
“Introduce me, introduce me!” Monique bounced on the mattress excitedly. Vanjie came dangerously close to falling off the bed and Monique quickly noticed, reaching a hand out to her and pulling her up with it. “Shit, sorry girl!”
Scarlet watched as Vanessa swept some hair out of her face and cast a quick appreciative glance to Monique’s toned arm. “Holy mother of Jesus, I gotta start goin’ to the gym.”
Monique let out a bark of a laugh. Cracker caught her other arm and held it steady, the tequila/rum combo threatening to fly out of its glass.
“Brooke, Scarlet and Vanjie, meet Monique.
Monique, this is Brooke, Scarlet and Vanjie,” Cracker pointed to each of them in turn, finishing with Vanjie who still seemed to be casting her eyes over Monique.
“Well, Vanessa. But these girls call me Vanjie. Or Vanj. You choose, really,” Vanjie explained to Monique, the girl’s ponytail swishing as she cocked her head.
“You ever get called baby?” she asked, feigning innocence. Scarlet couldn’t help her eyes shooting wide and her brain almost went into meltdown trying to register everyone’s expressions at once. Vanjie was laughing, but her face had flushed pink, clearly flattered. Cracker was screeching a laugh, Bob looked long-suffering. Nina and Monet were looking at each other urgently, and Brooke was properly looking at Vanessa with interest for the first time since they all sat down on the bed. Scarlet couldn’t see Yvie’s face, but she’d felt her tense up, and she couldn’t blame her.
“Yeah. By Brooke Lynn over there,” Vanessa finally said through her laughter, Monique not seeming fazed as she cast a glance to Brooke, who was smiling patiently but inwardly seething if the red tips of her ears were anything to go by.
“Oh, sorry girl! I didn’t know she was taken,” Monique laughed pleasantly.
“Yeah, we’re a thing,” Brooke opened her mouth, breaking her silence. Vanessa was smiling at her from across the bed, and Brooke met her eyes and smiled back.
“A thing?” Monique let out a short laugh, spilling a little of her drink. “A thing is, like, a noun. Not a relationship.”
“Technically a girlfriend is a noun too. Thing, place, person,” Nina piped up, presumably in an attempt to diffuse the increasingly awkward vibe.
“Are you a primary teacher, Nina?!” Cracker asked, clutching her chest in faux-surprise. Nina sighed.
“If I could reach a pillow, I’d thump you."
"Monet, you hearing this? Your girlfriend is practically chatting me up,” Cracker laughed, then stopped suddenly as her face became a mix of horrified and regretful, Bob giving her a not-so-subtle thump on the arm. In lieu of gauging Monet and Nina’s facial expressions, Scarlet whispered her thoughts to Yvie.
“When the hell are they actually going to become official? It’s been ages!” she hissed into her ear, Yvie craning her head round to reply.
“Nina would have to be on a cocktail mixer of cocaine, Es and alcohol to gain even half the confidence it would take her to ask Monet, so she’s waiting on Monet to do it for her. The thing is, I think Monet’s not as confident as we all like to think either. Maybe sometimes Nina’s panic can present itself as disinterest.”
“So Monet’s maybe waiting until she knows where she stands with her?” Scarlet nodded in realisation.
Yvie sipped her drink and took Scarlet’s hand, tracing round her fingers absent-mindedly. “I think so. I mean, we all know Nina’s absolutely ass-over-tit in love with her because we’re her friends, but she’s not going to let that show to Monet until she’s ready.”
Scarlet watched as Yvie played with a large turquoise ring on her finger. Her brow was furrowed as she thought about the situation, and Scarlet’s heart felt like an enormous water balloon- incredibly fragile and full and feeling as if it was about to burst. She thought back to Yvie’s words on Christmas dinner night, the ones she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since she’d said them.
Suddenly, she was pulled out of her thoughts by a screech from Vanjie, who was looking at Monique with enrapture as she told a story. Admittedly, most of the other girls were looking at her too, but Scarlet didn’t miss the sparkle in Vanjie’s eyes as she listened.
“And there it was, I swear by almighty God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit…a whole baggie of weed, in the bin, covered in Cracker’s vomit.”
It was an odd moment for Scarlet to tune into the story but judging by the roar the girls on the bed gave, it seemed to be over. Vanjie had doubled over laughing and was clinging to Monique’s arm for support, the girl in question smiling down at her as if her reaction was the only one that mattered. Scarlet frowned and leaned into Yvie once more.
“Hey. What the hell is the deal with Brooke and Vanjie?” she whispered, making sure to keep her voice extra low. She instantly felt Yvie tense up in her lap.
“What do you mean? They seem fine to me?” Yvie murmured back. Luckily for Scarlet, she knew that Yvie lied so rarely that it was easy to spot when she was telling one.
“You know something. What is it?” Scarlet hissed urgently in Yvie’s ear. Hearing her give a big sigh, Yvie shifted and then rose on the bed.
“Me and Scarlet are just getting another drink, save our seats,” Yvie announced to the circle, receiving a cheer from Nina.
“Enjoy your sex!” she cried after them, and Scarlet, confused, simply followed Yvie to another room. The hall was quieter now, but the same could not be said of the kitchen, where as they walked in they saw Silky, Akeria and Plastique ringleading a game of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. Ignoring their friends, Yvie turned to Scarlet urgently, concern covering her face.
“Okay, Brooke told me this in confidence but you’re my girlfriend so I kind of can’t really keep anything from you, right?” she began, Scarlet nodding quickly and desperate to hear what Yvie knew. “But you CAN’T tell anyone about this, babe. Honestly, it needs to stay between us. Do you promise?”
“I promise,” Scarlet said instantly, her mind in overdrive. Yvie pulled a pained face for a moment, seemingly incredibly conflicted, and then looked to the floor.
“Brooke is having second thoughts about being with Vanjie.”
Scarlet’s face dropped. “What?!”
“Brooke told me that she felt everything was getting too intense, and that Vanj wanted more than Brooke felt she could give her. She’s sticking it out to see if it’s just a blip, but…yeah. Now you know why they’ve both been so weird,” Yvie explained, biting her lip and looking at Scarlet with concern.
Scarlet didn’t know what to think. It all made so much sense, the oddly distant vibes between them both, the strained atmosphere, Vanjie flirting with Monique. Suddenly, a thought occurred to Scarlet. “Does Vanessa know?”
Yvie rolled her eyes. “Yes absolutely, Scarlet, Vanjie is very happy staying with someone who isn’t even sure if she wants things to go further with her, Brooke’s told her everything!"
Scarlet’s mind seemed to fuse. "She needs to know.”
Yvie’s expression dropped. “Oh my fucking Christ, you literally just promised not to tell anyone.”
“Well I didn’t know what it was you were going to tell me! I mean shit, Yvie, imagine that was me and you and I was having second thoughts! Would you want to be kept in the dark?”
Yvie bit her lip and looked to the floor. Scarlet gave a snort. “Exactly, bitch. I’m going to go find her right now-”
“Scarlet, please,” Yvie stopped her quickly, reaching out and grabbing her hand. “Brooke would be fuckin’ raging at me. I told you this shit in confidence. I know it’s hard because you’re close with Vanjie, but can you please…I mean hold off at least. If she asks you about it then, fine. You can tell her. But don’t run through there just now.”
Scarlet’s head felt as if it was a mess. She tapped her foot against the linoleum floor. “Who’s she told?”
“Just me,” Yvie said sincerely, looking into Scarlet’s eyes. “Nina doesn’t know. It’s just us.”
Scarlet rolled her eyes. “Fine. But I’m pinning all the fucking blame on you if she finds out I know, you know that?”
Yvie nodded understandingly. Scarlet let out a big sigh. The silence between them hung heavy in the air, at odds with the party happening around them. Suddenly, Plastique tottered into their line of vision, her eyes glazed and drunk.
“Oh my God guys! I haven’t seen you like all night! Selfie!!” she cried, sticking her phone in the air. Scarlet felt herself smile weakly but luckily the photo seemed to be too blurry for anyone to notice. Plastique immediately walked off again.
“Okay bye, nice seeing you,” Yvie deadpanned after her. Scarlet pressed her lips together to stop a laugh escaping them. Yvie caught her eye and snorted, and Scarlet couldn’t help but let out the laugh she’d been holding in. The tension had been diffused by a drunk Plastique, and Scarlet was relieved. She ran her hand down Yvie’s arm and squeezed her hand.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I should’ve just kept the fucking secret,” Yvie sighed, lacing her fingers through Scarlet’s own. She smiled at Scarlet, showing the little gap in her teeth, and Scarlet felt her heart jump. “Hey, I kind of want to go get chips, cheese and gravy and then head back to the flat and watch the Scooby Doo movie. You down?”
Scarlet smiled. She was kind of over the party. She’d been so eager for a night out, but all she wanted right now was a night in with her girlfriend. “Sounds amazing. Let’s go.”
The two headed back through to the bedroom to grab their jackets and say goodbye to the rest of the girls. Notably absent from the room were Brooke and Vanessa, and Scarlet was about to mention this to Yvie when they walked back out into the hall and spotted a tall, blonde girl and a small brunette kissing furiously in a darker, quieter corner. As Yvie opened the front door, she turned to Scarlet.
“I feel like they won’t be far behind us. Brooke must have sorted her shit out, then.”
As Scarlet grabbed one last look at the two girls against the wall, she desperately hoped Yvie was right.
#rpdr fanfiction#not nineteen forever#n19f#s11#s10#ortega#college au#lesbian au#branjie#scyvie#ninex#brooke lynn hytes#vanessa vanjie mateo#yvie oddly#scarlet envy#monet x change#nina west#silky nutmeg ganache#akeria davenport#plastique tiara#bob the drag queen#miz cracker#monique heart#university au
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This is top tier shitposting at its finest. I love you.
OOC; *looks at which blog this is for*
Ah yes that makes sense
THANKS BY THE WAY I make it my business to be ridiculous
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So my wife, @crazygingerlady, wanted to see how much I’ve changed over the years. So here’s an ask meme I answered ages ago with updated answers. The old answers can be found here.
What was your:
Last drink: Cranberry lemonade, babey!
Last phone call: My wife. OvO
Last text message: (From my sister about a crab she caught): Could be a girl.
Last song you listened to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJAvPsSeXvg
Last time you cried: Bitch I wish I could cry. It would prolly help me get out all these bad emotions squatting in my body, not paying their dopamine rent.
EDIT: My wife informs me I was crying over how cute baby snakes were last night.
Have you ever:
Dated someone twice: Does dating my wife constantly count?
Been cheated on:
Kissed someone and regretted it: Only once, when I poked Jayde’s eye with my nose.
Lost someone special: I lost my grandmother when I was a child. I couldn’t even comprehend what was going on back then. It hit me like a truck a phew years later and I felt like shit when it did.
Been depressed: Been?
Been drunk and thrown up: Still don’t drink. Maybe if I had something blue and fruity...
In the past year have you:
Made a new friend: Lot’s of them in my college classes. Right now they’re on Discord shitposting about Seto Kaiba.
Fallen out of love: That’s an emotional roller coaster I plan to never ride again.
Laughed until you cried: Every time my wife says something funny. Unless it’s terrible terrible terrible.
Met someone who changed you: See: “My wife.”
Found out who your real friends are: I can trust no one in this filthy world but my cat, Arby.
Found out someone was talking about you: Are they? ...Are they saying nice things?
Kissed anyone on your Facebook list: Jayde were we Facebook friends before or after we kissed?
EDIT: She informs me it was before.
General:
How many people on your FB friends do you know irl?: I’m in a long distance relationship with my wife so that one’s a technicality. All my other IRL friends use Discord.
Do you have any pets?: Four cats. One with anxiety, one doesn’t like me, one’s a sweet angel, and one’s Arby.
Do you want to change your name?: Can I add titles like “Duke”?
What did you do for your last birthday?: Get a surprise visit from my wife who I proceeded to hug for a solid three minutes.
What time did you wake up today?: Nine-thirty. Or at least I’m hoping I woke up. I’ve got errands to run.
What were you doing at midnight last night?: Binging Criminal Minds way past bedtime.
Name something you CANNOT wait for: The fall of capitalism.
Last time you saw your mother: About a week ago. I’m the man of the house for now. Those plants you see outside? I watered them. Yeah, I’m a big deal.
What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself: Hi I’d like to return this depression with the executive dysfunction that came with it.
What are you listening to rn?: The dulcet tones of Jayde’s AC because I’m Skyping her while I write this.
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: I was on the highschool math team with one but let me ask this; why Tom? Why is that such and important name to you? Are you looking for a Tom? Did he break your heart?
What’s getting on your nerves rn?: The loneliness that comes with being the only person in this house.
Nickname: My wife calls me Bingus.
Relationship status: In a long-distance relationship, with my wife, @crazygingerlady.
Zodiac sign: ♉
Pronouns: He/him
Favourite tv show: I am fickle man, but right now the first two to come to mind are Criminal Minds and Star Vs.
High school: No thank you I ain’t reliving that. I think I was even more depressed and self-destructive back then.
College: Actually really enjoying my current degree in graphic design!
Hair colour: Still brown. Also why the “u”? Is this questionnaire some sort of data collection means for British spies? Or did I change it back then because I thought it made me look “cultured”?
It really just made me look like a twat.
Long or short: It was long and curly but then Jayde gave it a trim when I last saw her.
Height: Taller than you’ll ever be and that’s all that I need to say.
Do you have a crush on someone?: Golly gee whoever could it be?
What do you like about yourself?: Apparently I look real good in button-up flannel.
Tattoos: I have a plan to get “ARE YA NASTY” penned right on my cheeks before the year is out.
Righty or lefty: Righty.
First surgery: After a cursory check I have confirmed all my organs are in their proper places.
First piercing: One time I had this really bad splinter does that count?
First best friend: I think it was actually this kid who hit me in the face with a shovel. I don’t think we were friend for too long after that.
First sport you joined: Soccer when I was a kid. Went through a child league or something of the sort and stopped. I was not very good at it and am no better as an adult!
First vacation: Seattle as a kid, pity I can’t remember a lick of it on account of being baby.
First pair of trainers: I still have no idea what the fuck this means. Maybe the OP really was from the UK.
Rn:
Eating: Currently digesting a Taco Bell quesadilla.
Drinking: And a Strawberry Icee from the same place.
I’m about to: I’m not sure, I might go to France’s many vineyards and sample their finest wines. Or I might just finish up this questionnaire. I dunno.
Listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAbNynH35pw
Waiting for: My family to get home and also dreading it a little as well. Sure it was lonely, but it was also quiet.
Want kids: I already have baby names lined up.
Get married: Jayde’s grandparent’s have been looking at rings for us already.
Career: Remember when it seemed like I was going to be an accountant? Me either. Let’s keep going with graphic design like my wife was right about.
Which is better:
Lips or eyes?: If you’re asking what I like in a partner then I’ve gotta ask why exactly you’re making me choose!
Hugs or kisses?: Excuse me while I fucking embrace my wife.
Shorter or taller? I love my short, fat wife.
Older or younger? Older. My wife has a whole year on me! Grandma.
Romantic or spontaneous? I feel like there’s an overlap but I definitely need to plan more dates to surprise Jayde with...
Nose, stomach or nice arms? This still sounds serial-killer-ish but if I’m to set that aside, stomach.
Sensitive or loud? Bitch Jayde’s both. And I love it.
Hook up or relationship? I’m so happy with the one I’m in now. I ain’t ever gonna stop loving her. Bitch.
Troublemaker or hesitant? I dunno, I guess that would depend on trouble for who? Though given the bad ideas I suggest I’m really glad Jayde doesn’t do any of them.
Have you ever:
Kissed a stranger? Only when I pretend not to know who Jayde is.
Drank hard liquor? I’m not sure how to put a funny spin this. Next!
Lost glasses or contacts? I can’t wear them lest they reduce the beauty of my stunning hazel eye-things.
Sex on first date? That one is gonna be a nada for good.
Broke someone’s heart? I have, I still feel fucking terrible about it.
Been arrested? Nope, my record is clean aside from those traffic tickets.
Turned someone down? Yup, I had to tell Arby he wouldn’t get more food because he’d already been fed.
Cried when someone died? Not immediately. I think the “losing a loved one” covers that pretty well.
Fallen for a friend? Story of Jayde and I’s relationship.
Do you believe:
In yourself? On good days, yeah I do. I also might be too confident in my graphic design skills though.
Miracles? Yes, his name is Sirius and he’s Jayde’s baby boy.
Love at first sight? With my wife, but at the time my dumb-ass didn’t realize it. I’m as dense as lead.
Heaven? I’m not sure how to answer that. I mean I won’t fight against it’s existence but I ain’t but all my chips on it either.
Santa Claus? That was explained to me years ago but like hell I’ll ruin it for my kids. How much do red suits cost?
Kiss at first date? I’m not sure so I just kiss Jayde a lot to cover my bases.
EDIT: Jayde says our first “real” date was at the aquarium, and we kissed a lot.
Angels?: Have you seen my wife?
Speaking of I hope this gives a better idea of how I’ve changed over the years. I love you sweetie<3
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Aka wow I can’t believe I’ve conned 1500 of you mfers into believing I’m a cool guy
It’s ya boi Molly here, and I’ve had this blog for nigh on three years, which is an eternity in tumblr time. That’s three years of playing and developing the same elvhen murder prostitute on the internet, and surprisingly, most of you haven’t tired of me yet.
Without getting super sentimental and gross, I’d just like to say that while this time has had its ups and downs, I have you lovely folks to thank for bringing me back. The people who made a conscious decision to see my writing on your dashboard, who support me in my endeavors to make you laugh, make you cry, and make you roll your eyes at my shitposting. I really do appreciate you. Everyone who is reading this. Yes, you.
Here’s to you, and here’s to more years of this danger boy. Here’s some shoutouts:
The prestigious Murder of Crows award for ya bois, the finest baes, aged in an oaken cask:
@archmageofazeroth/ @fereldenson -- no bae list is complete without my forever love Jaime, who has literally been there to write with me when no one else would. I owe you a great deal for coming back from hiatus in the first place, and I’m so glad I did. You are and have always been an amazing, poetic writer, and a master of prose. I admire your ability to get back into the game after a break and pump out beautiful fucking replies like nothing ever happened. You are one of the most genuinely funny and kindest people I know, and I can only hope to be half as good of a friend to you as you have been to me. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You deserve it. <3
@ismiracle - My Jill my Jillifish. I have always been and will always be awed by your talent. I know you are over your head in animation hell right now, but know that I am in rapt attention whenever I see a new clip from you. Your work is beautiful! I’m so excited to see you doing the things you love and the recognition you deserve. I love you very much my dear, and I hope you continue to brighten my life for years to come.
@homicidalbaeniac - Since you are sometimes around I will harass you on tumblr. It’s your curse. <3 Liam, my darling dear, you never fail to make me laugh, or to support me when I’m feeling down. I’m so glad I met you. Our group would not be the same without you. I love you and I wish you success with your new job!
@electiveamnesia, @deathforsaken, and @gryphonsated - I sometimes marvel at the complete shot in the dark it was, while mass following overwatch blogs, that I ended up with some great, caring friends. I always feel mushy inside thinking of how you guys took me in like a stray cat. I love talking to (and writing with) each and every one of you, and I enjoy how we can talk about everything under the sun. I hope we will still be friends in the future!
The prestigious Would Upcharge to Assassinate award for good old friends and good new friends, in no particular order:
@stcrmforged, @miinstrel, @onioning, @dalishflame, @kagonosuzume, @trickster-rat, @delafoi, @saiintmxrcy, @magicbound, @arcxneadvisor, @mortemmagicae, @thesxmmersword, @aithreachas, @onthesirenscall, @orxna
The prestigious Would Show you my Butt award for remarkable acquaintances and strangers. Whether we’ve talked or not, I appreciate having you on my dash, and maybe we should talk more yes:
@oncethree, @shxmanisms, @puerdelumine, @swcrdiisms, @idolbound, @commanderhopeless, @breakiitdown, @batomos, @spuriius, @ignatiius, @willbeshot, @atonings, @boundvigilante, @ruthlesspiety, @heathiins, @wolfdreaded, @hidinginhumor, @arcanemistrust, @banalvhen, @brothersindeath, @feraal, @sorceressofsass, @valkiriya, @vicemirrored, @daggerspcll, @crowblooded, @bythestone, @robotfamiliar
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@honestly-ahite Thanks for the tag Maia!!
1. Why did you choose your url? lol. My url is pretty much what it says on the can. I have chronic insomnia and a seven year old and I do shift-work. I haven't had a decent sleep schedule in decades.
2. Any side blogs? Nope. I can barely handle this blog.
3. How long have you been on Tumblr? I made an account several years ago to make a url that matched an old EVE online gaming handle, but I wasn't really active until November of 2020.
4. Do you have a queue tag? Nope. I just screech into the void when I happen to be online.
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? I'd been lurking around the Mandalorian and Prospect tags for a little while and then when the 2020 US Election happened, I kinda lost my mind and latched on to Prospect as a comfort film. Flinging myself down the fandom rabbit hole was a conscious decision, like I know this isn't great, but all my other options are so much worse.
6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? My icons tend to be picrews of myself where I make myself into some sort of fae cryptid. I refuse to show my actual face.
7. Why did you choose your header? My header is The Green Moon from Prospect. Self explanatory,
8. What’s your post with the most notes? I can't find it now, but it was a rebuttal of a post that was trying to claim that everyone who writes reader insert fic is just writing thinly veiled RPF written while I was having a panic attack. Fun times.
9. How many mutuals do you have? 83
10. How many followers do you have? 114
11. How many people do you follow? 278
12. Have you ever made a shitpost? IDK if I've created an original shitpost, but I will reblog bullshit all day long
13. How often do you use Tumblr each day? Lordy. I don't even know anymore.
14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? I had someone initiate a harassment campaign against me and several much larger blogs deemed "weirdo fandom moms." And its like..ok? You think you'll get married and squeeze out a couple of kids and that will solve all your problems and you'll be so absorbed in this weird white picket fence 2.5 kids and a dog dream and none of your old interests will matter to you? Yeah. Good luck with that.
15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? I will NOT reblog chain posts. Ever. I refuse to believe that the fate of the world depends on something I reblog or not. Magical thinking at its finest.
16. Do you like tag games? OMG yes yes yes. Tag me in all the things.
17. Do you like ask games? Absolutely. I would love people to ask me things. I have reblogged ask games, but nobody ever asks me stuff. Seriously. I don't bite.
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? I'm not going here because my blog is a fart in the air-conditioning and I would rather not get dragged into drama. In short I love my mutuals, but I don't think Tumblr fame is necessarily a good thing.
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? Obviously. It's up to to y'all to figure out who.
20. absolutely no pressure tags @draper-bobbie, @spookoofins, @darlingotaku, @poenariuniverse
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