I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn

you got any c!niki songs?

This ask is hella old so my apologies, but hi hi hello!!! ee!! So ok I'm actually in the process of making a lil playlist rn (very small at the moment because I can't remember all of them oops so I'm taking suggestions 👉👈) so I thought I would just go through my thoughts on each of those at the mo!

1. "Burning House" by Cam

I made a post featuring this one! Gives me Pogtopia Niki and Will vibes, they are both stuck in these separate places filled with pain and hurt but Wilbur can't get Niki out of Manberg because it wouldn't be safe and Niki can't get Wilbur out of Pogtopia as his mental health keeps getting worse and worse ("I had a dream about a burning house, you were stuck inside I couldn't get you out") but alas throughout the whole time they still cared about eachother, they still tried, Wilbur shows up at her birthday party and saves her at the festival, Niki stands alone against the rest of Manberg to stand up for not just herself but also Wilbur and Tommy ("I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone") . To me this song also feels like looking back in hindsight maybe more from the perspective of her alone in her secret city, as her own mental health declines and she locks herself away due to her night terrors ("I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire but it's the only place that I can hold you tight") especially with all the parallels that can be drawn between Niki and Wilbur's declining mental health at that point ("I lay beside you and pulled you close and the two of us went up in smoke")

2. "Pretty Little Things" by The Crane Wives

Ok so I first heard this song in this Niki animatic so I can direct you right over there because god it is good I actually get chills watching it. So I think they demonstrate it quite well in that but to give you a vague idea, it gives me the vibes of Niki around doomsday era; she's still sad about missing Wilbur ("Past loves linger like phantom limbs") but she's also angry and she is done. There's also a depiction of the green festival where Niki's anger at Will starts projecting on to Tommy and she feels like she simply can't trust him and stay at his side ("But trust is now something I make people earn, so I'm not inclined to just give it away to a pair of blue eyes with some nice things to say"). I am also a massive fan of my Niki and hope symbolism so it makes it all just incredibly heartbreaking; she had so much hope and love in L'manberg and Will but alas it seems to have wilted away ("I don't believe the pretty little things that you say, I've heard a lot of little pretty things. Don't buy me flowers it pains me to watch pretty little things wilt away, pretty little things wilt away")

3. "A Burning Hill" by Mitski

See I thought of this as Niki song anyways but someone also made this cool animatic that Niki even commented on so check that out if you like! But yeah this is like that sad atmosphere after doomsday I think, like again we've got that incredibly sad loss of hope from such a hope-filled character ("I think I'm finally worn") along with her reminiscences of Wilbur ("For you have a way of promising things") which could honestly sound angry in another context but here just sounds sad. And then of course where would we be without the fire imagery ("I am the fire and I am the forest and I am the witness watching it") relating to both her repeated actual scenes in relation to fire but also her growing inner fire because it's always been there whether it be hopeful bright sparks or an angry forest fire, the more destruction and "fire" she sees around her the more her inner fire grows. Perfect examples of this being the parallels between the burning of the flag and the burning of the L'mantree; both instances of destruction being all around, the first time she watches her pillar of hope go up in flames, the second time she is the fire itself lighting it but both times she wishes Wilbur was there ("I stand in a valley watching it and you are not there at all"). The song also ends off on a bit of a hopeful but also sad note ("And I'll love the littler things, I'll love some littler things") doomsday is over, L'manberg is gone and she has cut off connections to most of her friends, maybe this a a chance to start anew and love some new things but there is still a sense that maybe she should just love some littler things, maybe she hoped to big last time, loved to big last time and that's heartbreaking.

4. "Graceland Too" by Phoebe Bridgers

This was a recommendation from the lovely @/foxesdontscareme and it is a truly beautiful song, and great for a healing arc Niki! Niki gives up on the nuke Tommy plot and takes Techno up on his syndicate offer ("No longer a danger to herself or others, she made up her mind and laced up her shoes") and thus she begins the process of trying to pull herself out of her own downward spiral before it's too late. She changes her secret city once again, replacing the lava and mismatched bricks with quartz walls and gardens and a bakery that she invites her friends to ("Yelled down the hall but nobody answered so she walked outside without an excuse"). She is still lost without L'manberg and it's community ("Doesn't know what she wants or what she's gonna do, a rebel without a clue") but it is now being approached with a more hopeful tone, she doesn't fully know exactly what she's going to do but she's hopeful about it this time. Recently Niki's mental health hasn't been the best but honestly the goal in my mind is that she one day reaches a more peaceful, healthier point and this will all be the perfect vibe ("Said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment") <33 pls

5. "Learning To Hate You As A Self Defense Mechanism" by Flatsound

Ok sadness again. This is the Niki song that cc!Niki herself tied to c!Niki when she found out Wilbur was alive, I also made a post about this one pfft! But this song is exactly what it says it is so in this case an exploration into Niki's unhealthy mechanisms on "coping" with Wilbur's return. After the nuke plot failed Niki realised that none of what she was blaming Tommy for was really his fault; underneath all the projection she was still upset and annoyed at Wilbur. But Niki and Wilbur were best friends, she obviously loved and cared for him and she still does but in an attempt to preserve her new safe space and the distance she has tried to put between herself and L'manberg she tries to remind herself or simply just tell herself that he hurt her and that she must hate him for that ("So I'll hold on to this feeling, I'll hold on to this hate, for as long as I need for it to help me"). Niki tells herself that Wilbur must have never cared about her or anyone, that she must have just been stupid for believing him ("Was it my fault because I easily confused you for someone who would hold my hand") because it's easier to cut yourself off from someone if you believe nothing was really there in the first place, if the diamonds meant nothing and if she lies to herself that he never checked up or visited her in Manberg ("you would leave when I got sick"). However, underneath it all, no matter how much she lies to herself she cares, and she wishes she could see him and talk to him ("You never called me on my birthday, I want to call you on your birthday")

sometimes if i take my glasses off and squint felix angst is just sooo [the comfort of a laugh track by roar] [a burning hill by mitski]. and sometimes rime angst is sooo [i can't handle change by roar] [brand new city by mitski] but. shrug. vague circling hand motions. what do i know

If you could only see me now / I know I'd disappoint somehow /I'm stuck inside a fantasy / Where I could be all you would need // Will I live in shame of the things in the past that I should have done for you? / And is it possible to forgive all the ignorant ones if they're just too young? // Fake love, yeah, you know you'll be truly missed / Fake love must be some kind of abstinence / Let's not make much more out of all of this / Let's not, but we still can pretend we did

and

I think I'm finally worn / For you have a way of promising things / And I've been a forest fire / I am a forest fire / And I am the fire, and I am the forest / And I am a witness watching it / I stand in a valley watching it / And you are not there at all

v.s

Nothing I do is ever good enough / Nothing I do is ever good // Leave me alone / Leave me alone // I can't help but repeat myself / I know it's not your fault / Still lately, I begin to shake / For no reason at all

and

Think my brain is rotting in places / I think my heart is ready to die / I think my body is falling in pieces / I think my blood is passing me by // Honey, what'd you take? What'd you take? / Honey, look at me / Tell me what you took, what'd you take?