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atxxzist · 1 year

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broken | c.s (08)

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pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 7.7k

warning: i don't want to spoil the contents so pls go in with a guarded mind and stop reading immediately if anything makes you uncomfortable!!!

"lotte world! oh, and, we can finally visit cheonggyecheon!" mingi preaches excitedly from the other line, adding onto the ongoing list of never-ending things to do for the summer.

"yeah yeah, that sounds fun," you mumble, voice coming off disinterested because you've been circulating the small space of your room for the last five minutes looking for the only hair tie you have left.

you swear you had put it next to the nightstand.

"are you like not excited? we're gonna be free bitches for an entire summer!" his tone filled with disbelief, a scoff that accompanies it after.

"no, no. i am. just--ah!" you find the last survivor of the collection of hair ties on the floor just right next to your bed, picking it up to twirl it around your finger.

"are you literally having this conversation with me mid-orgasm?"

"pfft!" you blow, standing up on your toes to grab the comb on the bed before walking to the mirror on yuna's side of the room that has really come in handy. "i was looking for a hair tie to do my hair."

"oh, and what for? on this weekend after the semester ended and you have no work for the entire summer, huh?" his irritating and nosy voice vibrates the sheet of your bed where your phone is also at, you having to roll your eyes at the remark.

"so i can come up to your room and beat the living shit out of you for always sticking your nose in my business."

"ooohh!" he sings with exaggerated fear. "is this your way of saying you're gonna get laid tonight? a little end of the semester celebration? has the city finally changed you?"

"no," you answer, snapping your hair into a half ponytail before walking over to pick up your phone. "i'm gonna visit the cafe like a peasant. now before you make me late, create a google doc or something and i'll add to the list when i have something."

"fine. but we're doing it in comic sans, color-coded!"

you roll your eyes, muttering a "whatever" before cutting the line.

you catch yourself in yuna's mirror again after turning, and you honestly don't know why you're all this dressed up either. you've been to the place plenty of times before and you've definitely been there with yeosang as well.

the amount of coincidences still following you allowed for a run-in with him just the day before, having told him with eager lips about the exam score you got, later with an anticipated gaze about how this is going to work.

you suppose the cafe being the place of choice isn't a surprise.

he gets there before you, his hand that raises slightly when he sees you enter. it's a smaller table located in the center, and you begin making way to it, your sneakers gliding against the flooring.

"hey," you both exchange as you take the seat across him, a short lapse of silence after that is broken by him.

"want to order something?" he asks, eyes boring into yours.

"sure." you nod.

after picking your drinks and food of choice, yeosang offering to go up to the register, the silence reenters when he takes his seat. your gaze that tries to avoid his and his that tries to stir away from keeping them trained on you too long. he thinks you look nice.

in the half ponytail, white crop top tucked under a pink cardigan and sneakers with socks. he don't think he's ever seen in a skirt before, but it suits you. and if that's makeup you have on, he's not sure he's able to tell. you look about the same.

"so..." he starts again.

you shyly look up at him, clearing your throat before replying with the same aloofness of "so..." a quick second of nothing before you two burst into laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation, your leg lightly brushing his under the table.

"sorry," he mumbles, a smile on his face.

"me too," you say, "just... still trying to get used to it."

still trying to get used to the new feeling when you're around him; one that's not so hostile but actually very welcoming and new--one you haven't gotten from anyone else but mingi and yunho.

he chuckles lightly and nod, the feeling being very much mutual after all.

"well, i'm glad you passed," he brings up, digging for anything to talk about and break the tension a little.

"yeah. it wasn't easy."

"but you did it. maybe you really do have it in you." his tone very lighthearted.

you brush it off with a scoff.

"not really. i just couldn't wait to be done with the damn semester so i'll never have to attend another session of that class."

he laughs a deep chuckle and you have to dismiss how smooth it sounds to ears; how comforting and familiar it's starting to become.

"geez, only first semester and you're already getting beat down? come on, you still have a semester and three more years."

"gosh, don't even remind me." you cross your arms and fall back onto the chair, yeosang releasing another laughter at the pure distaste in your voice at the topic.

"you don't look and sound like you enjoy the major very much. why not change it?"

something in you light up at that. change your major? you actually haven't thought of that, but the more the idea lingers, the more you question why you haven't thought of that.

it's a lesson learned that just because you're a little more techy than your friends since your parents practically neglected you (so you had to seek out any other source of entertainment), it doesn't mean you were destined to work in the field of technology or whatever. simply only having basic surface knowledge won't cut it.

it took a semester (maybe less) for you to come to terms with that. but better now than later.

"well, even if i change it, i wouldn't even know what to."

"you can always just take the core classes first and then decide after."

you hum out a low note and actually consider the possibility for a few seconds, until the person behind the counter calls yeosang's name and you're interrupted, watching as he stands to head to the front, you being slow to get up and follow behind him in case he needs help.

the entirety of you being here the past couple of months and you honestly didn't even know they served other smaller dishes like tteokbokki and even snacks you'd usually find at street food stalls.

but it's nice. just like this. you and yeosang sharing a drink and snack while carrying on small conversations that gets easier as the time pass. there's no pressure to please or entertain him, and he doesn't seem like he expects any. like he's doing all of this because he wants to, and you can't help but to let a small drop of tear prick your lower lash in hope he won't notice.

because you're not very used to anyone besides your friends, let alone a guy, who does something for you if not for his own benefit. you made that mistake not once, but twice.

not sure if you're even deserving of someone like yeosang who's been the victim of your lows and outbursts, but now the one to conjure up a rare, foreign feeling that brings out a small smile that settles on your lips.

yeosang sees the somewhat conflicted, hard-to-read expression on your face when he looks up from his food, asking in a quiet, concerned voice, "you okay?"

you chuckle lowly, a light clog in your throat and nod.

"i'm good."

"so, earlier, you mentioned possibly opting out of the current major but having no idea what you want to do after," yeosang is the first to speak as soon as you both leave the place, the orange tone painting the sky once again.

"yeah..." you reply.

"maybe think about other hobbies, or well... what do you like to do? what are you good at?"

you ponder the question; think back to your early teen years spent helping your aunt around the house, getting dragged into mingi's and yunho's shenanigans, play stupid pranks on one another and beat them at the occasional games when you paid mingi visits--and wow, what the fuck do you even like to do? what are you good at?

you don't even excel at anything specific, too, like yuna in art, or yeosang with computers. it's awful, the sinking realization that you are nothing special.

"i write? a little bit?" you answer, not the slightest confident in the answer. because who are you kidding. you're no hongjoong and you can barely even string a coherent sentence together.

you're not even consistent, unable to recall the last time you wrote in the journal, and it was started for all the wrong reasons.

yeosang nod, the both of your footsteps in sync.

"you can start there, then," he attempts, able to read the tone about just how unsure you are.

the air goes hushed and you fidget a little in spot before raising your voice again. "i don't know. i don't even think i'm good at it, and it's only been recent that i started writing. plus, it's not even like a story or whatever. i only write in a journal and honestly, i'm not even sure what the hell i've been writing."

he snickers, finding something so amusing about it. you shoot daggers at him.

"what?"

"you said you only started recently so of course you're not gonna be great. it takes time and efforts to perfect a craft. if you like it, there's no reason for you to not consider it at least."

he continues, "take the next semester or even year to think about it. i'm sure you'll figure something out."

you scoff, even pout. that still takes time, too--kang yeosang actually sounding reasonable and like he doesn't hate your guts.

"i think i like it better when you just insult me and go on your day."

he laughs and shakes his head, your gaze lingering on the curve of his lips longer than you should. you think he has a really nice pretty smile.

"but we're way past that point now, right?" his voice raising in pitch as to exaggerate the overall friendliness.

"right," you reply, same energy and all, until it hits you again. "oh!"

he seems taken aback by the high volume and snaps to you, curiosity in his reaction.

"that thing we agreed on," you say, a little too excited for your own good, yeosang's chest deflating with disappointment in return that puts a frown on your lips.

"oh come now, you weren't hoping i would forget?"

he shrugs and keep his gaze ahead, muttering back in such a nonchalant tone, "that might've been the idea."

you frown even more, whipping your head around and letting yeosang take the next couple of steps by himself before attention landing on the bench facing the street just a few feet away.

you're fast to jog up and swoop him away by the arm, using it to drag his entire body until it plops down onto the bench with you, his doe eyes staring back, and it's only until then that you realize you're still holding on.

"sorry," you mumble, releasing the captive arm as it slips down to hit the empty space between you two.

"you're good," he assures, and even that sounds awkward, too. a short silence that hangs before you clear your throat and revert the topic back, even daring to scoot yourself a little closer. since you guys are kind of friends now, right?

"what i was saying was... are you ready to tell me now?"

he turns the other way to scoff. "oh, you really want to know, huh?"

"well..." you trail off your tongue, letting the word roll around long enough till continuing on, "you kind of promised me."

"well..." he mimics the way you did it, "technically--"

"--oh," you cut in, your voice full of that playfulness that is strange in the presence of yeosang. "or are you a coward?"

"tsk!" he dismiss, trying to bite back a snicker that wants out because you're being a bit over-the-top right now... in a somewhat endearing way, that is. so eager to hear about his story that he kind of loosely pledged to tell only after you fulfill the 'deal'.

not that he ever doubted you would do well; he just didn't think you'd actually be so passionate about the entire bargain, it even being the first thing to be brought up when he ran into you outside the dorm building.

"me? coward? never," he brushes off, a smug but lighthearted act that brings a giggle from you.

"okay, then... tell me." you perk up, lips curled and eyes blinking his direction, way too thrilled for this.

his gaze drop to your lips for a second and he has to detach immediately, shaking the thought off.

"it's just... i don't know." he tries laughing it off. "you're going to think it's stupid."

you squint, tilting your head and frowning.

"why would it be stupid? i mean, i'm not sure what it's gonna be about, but i'll listen. whether you think it's stupid or not."

but judging from how he's acting, it looks like it might be something more personal than you initially thought; now starting to feel the tiniest bit of guilt for bothering him so much about it.

“maybe we can compromise with something else,” you offer an alternative but he rejects with a shake of his head.

"i'll tell you. just--you don't make fun of me or anything."

you chuckle. "i won't."

it goes quiet as yeosang prep himself up and try to muster how to start such a tragic tale. he thinks it's tragic, at least on his end. he's never shared it with anyone before; only those who were once close to him knew.

and for some reason, he feels an odd sense of trust in you. enough for you to be the first person that he's considered actually opening up to, regarding the topic.

"well," he starts, your full attention already on the first word. "i grew up in a small neighborhood; everyone knowing everyone kind of thing."

you nod, even humming quietly to let him know he's good to go on.

"so you know, like... there wasn't a lot of other kids my age and it was hard to make friends. but a girl, a year older than me... we became friends or something, you could say."

and if the way your eyes swell doesn't give away how immersed you already are, you don't know what will. because you hadn't expect kang yeosang's 'sob story' as he said it, would be about a girl.

"and this is going to be cliche as hell, but indeed i was in love with her. for the longest time."

he has removed his gaze from yours a long time ago, settling to watch the busy cars maneuvering through the streets instead. as if the retelling of this story is something to be embarrassed of. but you would beg to differ.

"i grew up with her, went through a ton of shit with her--meaning i also watched her fall in love with so many guys. maybe it wasn't love, i don't fucking know. we were young and stupid. but i sure hell did wanted to be one of them."

he takes a short breather before going on, "and it came true. i was one of them. well, or i thought i was. beginning of my junior year, she, for some reason, finally gave me a chance. oh... i was so happy... the day we became 'official'. i can't even recall any other time i was happier."

"and it's stupid because, thinking back, it was obvious she only did it out of pity. and maybe that's not a good enough reason to hate her; heck, i even started feeling bad for a moment just thinking back because i was such a fucking simp and probably annoyed the living hell out of her. but what i do hate her for, is for completely ghosting me."

"i could give less shit about the fact that i only found out she broke up with me through a mutual, or that only a month after, she started going out with a friend who'd always talk the maddest shit about her and why we shouldn't be together. no. it's the fact i never got any closure. paid her family a visit and was told she left for seoul literally the day before. no notice. no nothing. not even a 'fuck you, don't you ever come into my life again'. and maybe i don't deserve a closure, i wasn't much better by any means. but i sure can be bitter about it, and i guess here's me being bitter."

he finally turns to you, taking in your expression and feeling like he has to clarify some points.

"i didn't come to seoul in hope of sweeping her by her feet again or whatever. i just wanted to get away from the old city and kind of just... i don't know, try to find myself?"

you nod in acknowledgement. "no, i totally understand. i'm sorry to hear, though. but it really does sound like she had a big impact on you."

yeosang chuckles dryly in return; a smaller, somewhat sad smile gracing his lips after.

"i wish i could say you're wrong, and i wish i would mean it when i say i hate her. but like i said before, i can't recall any other time i was happier. in some ways, she made me a better person. it's complicated. i feel like i'm contradicting myself at this point."

your snicker directed at the last comment, assuring him with a shake of your head.

"you're good. but honestly, i never would've pegged you for someone romantic."

a scoff is what leaves him; you raising a brow in turn of what he's going to say.

"i'm not romantic. just realistic, i think. if i were to open my heart to someone, i'd want them to treasure it; to do the same back. which is why i am a lot more wary nowadays. i'd want to get to know that person really well first."

but you definitely still think he's a little bit of a romantic, he might not even realize it.

"because there's a different kind of pain that comes from loving someone who's out of your reach."

the amusement on you drops, the corners of your mouth falling downward at such a statement that if you mope about it long enough, you will see just how awfully relatable it is. but clasping it shut for a few seconds too long, all you say is, "fair enough."

"yeah... but anyways. that's my story. now it's your turn."

you glare at him through the pinched brows and wrinkles on your forehead.

"i don't remember that being apart of the deal."

"oh, forget the deal!" he waves off. "let's just talk. give me something tragic."

tragic? where would you even start with that? you think the entirety of your life has been a series of unfortunate, tragic events one after another; beginning with your parents, then your aunt and uncle, your ex-boyfriend, and now even a boy who managed to fool you with his charm and handsome look.

"my first and only boyfriend cheated on me."

yeosang is taken by surprise, his facial like a deer caught in headlight, whether at how fast you answered, or at what you just said. but you just figured, you might as well offer your own tale of a failed relationship, if that will make him feel any better.

"oh..." his delivery is muted, as if still trying to recover from shock, you have to laugh off the stone expression on his face; act like the revealed fact didn't bother you all that much.

you speak again, "i wasn't in love with him, though. i don't think i was. i only gave him a chance because he liked me and i felt compelled to say yes when he asked me out."

"so... you did it out of pity?"

it's like he got you there, your attention batting to the streets in shame. you're starting to sound like the girl in yeosang's story; who, maybe, went out with a boy not because she liked him, but for another reason.

except, in your story, he was the one who had hurt you. said in your face you deserved whatever happened, and though you didn't love him, it did hurt. it still hurts. because it was another person you couldn't get to stay; another proof that possibly, you're just not meant to be loved.

"you know..." instead of answering his previous question, you divert the subject, because at the same time, maybe you can comfort him as well with what you're about to say. "you reminded me of him a lot at first."

his features twist, not amused in the slightest, and you don't blame him. why wouldn't he be offended being compared to your cheating ex?

"he was very blunt and sarcastic," you add on, "if he didn't like me doing something, he was gonna let me know. and you were just... you didn't have any filter at all."

whether it's guilt or embarrassment on yeosang's face, you're not able to tell. but implying he's an asshole is not your intention.

"but the more i got to know you and spent time with you, i realized i was very wrong. you're nothing like him. not even in the slightest."

he goes from being puzzled to the smallest of light that starts reflecting in his eyes at the genuine compliment that leaves you.

"i questioned for the longest time how mingi and yunho could ever like you, but i'm starting to get it now, i think. it's because you're a great friend. you do so many things for yunho simply just because he's a friend."

you don't even notice a smile has crept to your lips, but yeosang catches it and return an even bigger one, his heart folding in a way that is so pure and innocent because of your gesture.

"well, thanks. i am feeling very flattered right now," he finally says, and your giggle echoes faintly.

"just being honest," you respond. "so that's my lesson learned: that it's hard to judge someone based on first encounter, impression, or anything of that matter."

because the boy who you thought would be the bane of your existence turned out to be a wonderful surprise. on the other hand, the one person you used to look at through a rose-coloured glass and with heart eyes, turned out to be just one of the many things on the list that keep you awake at night thinking to yourself why you're not enough.

san is sprawled on the couch, tired and ready to go to bed by the time there's a knock at his door, a bit dazed when he opens it to reveal a rather composed wooyoung with his hands buried inside the pockets of his jacket.

he wonders what his friend's doing here; at this time and in an outfit that doesn't look like it's for a regular event.

"here to use the bathroom," wooyoung clarifies, inviting himself in and not bothering to hear san's response considering the amount of times the boy himself used wooyoung's place to fulfill his own needs.

san doesn't say anything and only shut the door behind him, heading back to the position he was in before.

"we're going out tonight," wooyoung announces, stopping in front of the bathroom to turn to his friend; san snapping to him at the call. "an end of the semester nightout with a couple other people from campus. you thinking of coming along?"

"nah. think i'll sit this one out."

"alright," wooyoung mumble, disappearing into the other room.

san usually isn't one to reject an invitation like that, but just yesterday, the day before, and the days before that one, all he'd been doing is going to parties, getting drunk, and doing the one thing he came to those parties for.

it can start getting repetitive; even for someone like him.

"just to let you know, you're almost out of toilet papers."

wooyoung slams the door shut and begins making way to the front; san watching his movements carefully until wooyoung just stops midway, but he's already moving back to the tv screen at that point.

wooyoung debates for a moment whether he should tell san what he saw earlier. it's probably a bad idea knowing how his friend is and the extent he goes to when he has to have something, or when it doesn't go his way.

but realistically speaking, san's never gave a shit about any of the girls he messed or messes with. wooyoung picked that up through a lengthy history of constantly trying to rile him up by name dropping and mentioning any of the girls san saw and sees, in hope of one day finding a weak spot.

because san is a good friend... to wooyoung. but he's always had a problem with the way san views the world; love, relationship, women.

he also has a problem with the fact san never listens to him. everything in one ear and out the other. he didn't listen when wooyoung told him the girl he was fucking had a boyfriend and he was gonna get his ass beat (which he didn't, unfortunately, because san has a gift for getting out of trouble), so there's a very big chance he didn't listen either when wooyoung told him to leave you alone.

and really, above all, wooyoung is just petty. and because he is petty, he will take the opportunity to just annoy him, even if san doesn't give a shit.

"by the way, i saw y/n," he discloses nonchalantly, and the speed at which san twisted his neck to look at him would have wooyoung believing this is all a very vivid dream.

"where?" san asks, the tone very standard at first like it's just the littlest bit curious.

"near the cafe a couple blocks from the dorms. we passed it earlier. she was with someone. yeosang? i think that's his name."

the clockwork in san's mind starts as he tries to recall who this fucking yeosang guy is. name sounds familiar but nothing's clicking.

"the one we went out to dinner with last time," wooyoung adds, and that's when the light bulb goes off.

“sit down, sit down!” wooyoung hustles, pushing san down onto the seat, yeosang scooting to the wall to make space.

wooyoung plops himself down at the end, fidgeting in his spot.

“this is yeosang,” he starts; the two boys next to each other exchanging a small head bow.

"i think they might be a thing now. she looked really happy."

wooyoung's talking out of his ass, saying whatever just for the heck of it. you for sure looked happy, though. you conversed with yeosang with a smile on your face the entire time.

you guys being a 'thing' might be a bit over-the-top but it doesn't hurt anyone to exaggerate a little. san never cared so why would he now?

but wooyoung doesn't take notice of the way san's body tenses up and his grip on the arm of the couch gets tighter, wooyoung's mind completely elsewhere, focus on getting out now that he's done all he wanted to do.

"alright, well, i'm gonna head out now before i piss the other guys off."

and he's gone, leaving san to digest the new information as something churns in his stomach and his knuckles clenches. because now, it's starting to make sense.

the sudden silence from you and the unanswered message. you never even read his text from two days ago. it's all because you're too busy with yeosang.

he can still recall the small and subtle glances you guys would sometime exchange during dinner; the way your eyes would shoot to him, and he would try to cover the hidden laughter that wanted out because you did something endearing.

and san typically doesn't mull over the girls he hooks up with; who they slept with before or will sleep with after him. because most of them know what they're getting into. they don't expect anything from him after and he doesn't expect anything from them, either.

but over the course of seeing you, he's taken a rather big liking to you above any others. because out of all his conquests, you're the one who's always willing to go above and beyond for him.

you have feelings for him that are more than just simply fulfilling a need--you actually like him.

and in typical san fashion, because he's selfish, he uses that knowledge to hang over your head, knowing whatever he does, you're going to put up with it.

so how is he suppose to feel now, that you of all people is ignoring him, with someone else right by your doorstep ready to take his place.

well, it definitely doesn't feel good.

a fit of rage, jealousy, and possessiveness overtakes him completely, and before he knows it, he's up and with his car keys dangling around his finger. he has to talk to you.

even if he's on the verge of passing out right now and tired out of his mind. even if paying you a visit is quite possibly going to be the worst thing he can ever do to you.

"wait, so with that being established, could that mean you were being cautious around me because you were afraid of falling for me?" you tease yeosang through the elevator ride.

the chemistry has been so natural, the rest of the night spent in comfortable conversations that were full of sparks, and you have never felt so safe in the presence of anyone before.

he snickers. "oh would you let it go. i told you that like... an hour ago."

you return a giggle of your own, yeosang continuing on, "but i might've been a bit of an asshole to a couple other girls. maybe."

you roll your eyes playfully, at the same time stepping out of the elevator when the door open, about to make another remark when you catch a figure from the corner of your eye. standing in front of your room, head down and attention glued to his phone screen.

he finally looks up at the sound of the commotion, and you merely gasp in place when that familiar feeling of butterflies swoop your stomach at the sight of none other than san.

what the hell is he doing here? again.

you and yeosang are frozen in place, his questioning gaze lasering san's that stiffens upon seeing yeosang by your side, looking so in place and comfortable; that fit of rage, jealousy, and possessiveness making a comeback with even more vengeance.

silence consumes the thick air, you breaking it by shifting just enough so you're able to whisper to yeosang; thank him for making sure you arrive safely, and that he's good to return.

yeosang shoots san one last glance, the boy giving him all kinds of wrong signs, but it's also not his place to meddle. he nods and tells you a goodnight, shuffling his feet back into the elevator and you watch until the door closes on him.

now, it's just you and the person who has given you nothing but pain, showing up once again when you experience even an ounce of joy.

you walk to the door of your room with careful steps, stopping in front of him, everything about your body language is nervous and in defense mode, thinking that this is it.

this is where you cut off everything with him; the kisses, sex, months of being in each other's arms--this is where it will all end. you will tell him you no longer want anything to do with him because you can't agree to his conditions.

you're not made for a casual relationship without any budding feelings. it's just not who you are; therefore, you and him are not compatible.

"hey..." he's the one to start speaking, "i'm sorry i haven't been reaching out, i was--"

"--it's fine," you cut, not wanting to hear any more lies from him. the fact he doesn't even recall showing up drunk is enough to convince you there's no need to hear him out at all.

"oh," he simply says, and it's the most awkward silence after of you just standing there and he thinking of what else to say.

"i know you're probably upset, but--"

"--it's fine, san. i-i don't care anymore."

anymore. san thinks over the word more than he should, and the longer he lingers on it, the more he find himself hating everything about your tone and attitude.

but he's always been quite shameless, always testing the situation even if he feels a shitstorm coming.

"can i come in? for a little bit?"

come in. you know what that means, and how it will always end. you'll like to believe you're way past that now.

with a heavy sigh and striving a few steps forward, you pull out your key.

"i'm really tired." you unlock the frame, pushing it just slightly open. "i think it's best if you leave." your palms against it, slowly creeping yourself in; your voice unwelcoming because you're hoping he will get the hint and leave you the heck alone.

"and... i-i don't think we should see each other again after--"

your breath is whisked away, it all happening so fast. one second you were still in the hallway and the next, you're pushed into the room along with san shoving himself in, his grip around both your wrists and backing you into the wall.

"--all because of that fucking guy, right?" he taunts, a look on him so terrifying, you have never seen san angry like this before.

"what are you talking about?" you push him back by his chest, honestly amazed at the amount of sheer strength you hold when being cornered.

but that just might've been a mistake; he's able to catch his steps before stumbling completely and pins both his hands to the wall with a bang, trapping you inbetween his arms and hungry gaze.

you flinch a little.

"yeosang. the one that came with you. are you seeing him?"

your eyes squint--perplexed, only able to think, what about yeosang? and why of all times, now is when he's deciding to give a shit.

he's never cared about anything regarding you--what you do or who you hang out with--always leaving when he wants to, never bothering to call or text if not for his own benefits, and now he shows up (not drunk) after almost a month of silence to interrogate you against your will, shoving himself into your safe space like an intruder.

"and why does it matter whether i am or i'm not. you said it yourself, san... that we are just friends. i never even asked about any of the girls you see."

some of the rage on san's face dissipates, replaced by the conflict that runs through him--how and when you got this confident to even talk back when you were so tight-lipped the last time he saw you.

and it's true. you guys are just friends, and even friends doesn't sound right. it honestly is a very generous term actually, considering the extent of the relationship.

so yes, he doesn't have the rights to be concerned about who you're with or what you do with them. but again, he's selfish; maybe even rotten to the core. the thoughts of you ever being with someone else never proving to be a threat. not even jongho who really was just a nuisance.

but now, the threat is very much real, and he doesn't like it one bit.

he was the one who touched you first, claimed you first--so in terms, you belong to him. not yeosang or any other fucking guys. him.

and he's going to make sure you know that.

disregarding the veins practically popping on his forehead, you just want to establish a point at this rate, talking in your thin voice, "after this, i really do think it's best if we stop--"

his lips is on yours before you can finish the sentence. before you can make it known once and for all that you do not want to see him again after this.

despite his amazing sex drive and ability to make you cum, san isn't much of a tongue kisser. rarely, actually. but by how his tongue is moving against your protesting lips, you'd think this is his favorite thing in the world.

you're the one to break the kiss, pushing him back and trying to catch your breath after. it's when you see that familiar smirk on him that the fear creeps in to form a knot that travels down your throat.

"you were saying?" he cocks his head, so smug about the power he still has over you, so evident as it's displayed right in front of his face in all its glory.

but you haven't lost, yet. you still have the time to get rid of him and show that the effect he had on you is no more.

you clear your throat and straighten your posture, putting on an act of bravery.

"i said it's best if we stop seeing each other after this. our agreement or whatever it was, i don't want it anymore."

the smirk only widens, san honestly amused you still have some restraint.

"oh, really?"

an eyebrow is raised on him before you feel the cold sensation of his fingers crawling up one of your legs, slowly traveling to under your skirt.

you gulp.

"then stop me." he leans in to whisper, his breath felt on the tip of your skin, ghosting and sending a shiver down your spine--that sudden but recognizable itch in between your legs again begins coming into bloom--one that is truly going to be your downfall, you can already feel it.

"s-stop, san," you mutter with eyes glued on him. you don't even sound like you mean it; like you even want him to stop at all. and he knows; he knew.

that no matter how hard you fight, all he has to do is try just a little harder and you will fold.

he chuckles, whether at how cute you look or at your words, his hand stops in place and squeezes at your thigh, drawing closer and whispering in your ear using that deep tone that makes you shutter in excitement.

"do you really want me to?"

he pulls away after, face merely inches away and your gaze skips to his lips for a moment; lips that are on yours the next and comfortably taking you in this time because there's no more act or pretense that you don't want him.

because he still conjures up butterflies and still make you feel that something that is so unique only when in the proximity of him.

you still miss him when you know you shouldn't, and the taste of his lips still feels like home even though it's now only a forbidden flavor that serves as a reminder that in the end, you will be your own worst enemy.

your arms rest around his shoulders the way they usually do, replying back to the kiss and trying to meet his pace; at the same time, his fingers edging closer to the shorts under your skirt, stopping when he reaches the top, breaking away from the kiss to laser you a glare.

he scans your outfit swiftly before looking up again; something displeased already blossoming on his expression.

"did you wear this for yeosang?" the way he's able to flip flop emotions almost too scary, now currently showing the same frightening and much more menacing side once before that sparked fear in you.

you're about to answer but he cuts you off with a brief "fuck it." going back to resume the kiss that is a lot sloppier than the previous one, his lips moving against yours in frustration like he's trying to convey something.

you don't get a second to catch your breath when he abruptly swoops you from the behind--your arms still around his shoulders for support--and throws you down onto your bed, your back sinking into the sheet momentarily.

he situates himself and traps both your legs between his, and you think it's just going to be like any other times you both had sex.

he's probably going to eat you out or make you suck his cock, but san surprises you when he grabs your arm and flip you around just like that--your face right into the pillow.

the sound of his belt unbuckling is after, and you turn to look over your shoulder.

"san..." you call out, but he continues to leave you in astonishment when he hisses back instead.

"shut up."

he tosses the belt, and from the way it hits the wall on yuna's side before dropping to the floor means there was some force put into it.

"just... just shut up." and his cock is next, freeing itself from his pants.

it's when you feel the shorts underneath ripped from your skin, the cold air gushing right past it, that you release what sounds like a mixture of a gasp along with a moan.

he pushes your legs apart and scoots in, focus on the sight of your bare pussy that still needs some lubrication.

spitting on his fingers, you can only let your head fall onto the pillow as solace when he rubs over your entrance in preparation before inserting two digits in, a quiet groan escaping at the sensation you haven't felt in a while.

"look at you so fucking wet already, and you said you don't want to see me anymore." he chuckles a sinister, mocking laughter, bunching your skirt up to where he can see everything, gripping your hips firmly to line up with his hard-on.

"but truth is, you'll always come back for this cock."

the laughter intensifies and so does the knot in your stomach, barely able to get out, "d-do you have a cond--" before a curse leaves your mouth.

your eyes shut and you immediately grip at the sheet when he inserts his length in without any notice. without a fucking condom.

and san has never had sex without a condom before, but his jealousy has taken over completely, currently only focus on making sure you know you belong to him.

only he can fuck you like this and only he can feel your pussy as it hug around his length so nicely like it's made just for his cock.

his nails dig at your hips and you have to muffle the oncoming screams by burying your face into the pillow, san fucking you through the high at such an intense pace, you may never want to go back to slow and steady sex ever again.

"what were you doing with yeosang?" he asks through the grunts and lost breath.

lifting your head up to look over your shoulder again, you try forming an answer in hardship of the pleasure coursing your system.

"we were--oh fuck," you curse at that spot being hit so perfectly, "we were just hanging out."

he snaps into you a little harder at that, the hold you have on the sheet tightening.

"will you stop seeing him?" he asks again, his pace slowing down as he awaits your response.

"i-i don't know," you answer honestly, since you're actually starting to warm up to yeosang and he's nice to be around.

san's facial twists in red though you can't see it clearly because he's fucking you too good right now.

"i said," he almost growl, "will you stop seeing him?" picking up his speed again and nails digging even further into your flesh as he practically slams your cunt with the harsh thrusts.

"y-yes!" you give in, defeated instantly at the overwhelming sensation and pit that's starting to form. "i'll stop seeing him!" your face falling back into the pillow once more, the sheet in your grip, and only able to cry sounds of pleasure the rest of the session as he pounds into you over and over again.

you come hard and wet, unable to recall a time you ever came like this. san fucks you a few more time while you try catching your breath and pulls out.

there's no need for him to cum. he already accomplished exactly what he wanted.

"now that wasn't so hard, was it?" you feel the shift of his body weight as he stands on his knees again, and you're still panting with the side of your face stuck to the poor pillow.

it's when that high from what just happened is starting to die out and another feeling so familiar consisting of guilt and shame settles in again.

the commotion of san getting off the bed to go look for his belt competely ignored, you only staring into space at yuna's side of the room already imagining what mingi's and yunho's reactions will be like.

you have broken a promise. you went against your friends, and all for a boy who doesn't even like you.

a boy, who, will leave in the next few minutes; tell you he has somewhere to be, and will lie to you all over again the way he always does.

but before the end of the night, choi san surprises you just one more time.

he doesn't leave.

instead, he walks to where you're lying down and places a peck to your cheek that has you picking your head up to look at him.

he gives you that soft, handsome smile that shows those dimples you love dearly, and offers a hand.

"want to do something together?"

next // series m.list

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#wrote her kinda fast or wuteva #ateez angst #ateez x reader #san x reader #yeosang x reader #choi san x reader #san angst #ateez series #fic: broken

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