Lady Nevermore Diary- 10/21/22

My fellow detectives wanted me to write down their origin stories (i.e how they became detectives), in this book for future prosperity. For them, I will happily oblige. Keep in mind that these are headcanon backstories and names, and are not endorsed by Jackbox Games, the devs, and anyone who's not Booloo. (for those not in the know, don't worry about that last part ;)) Click read more to see them all, as this is a long post.

First, off, we have Miss Emily Rose. She's the pink detective of our group with a penchant for roses and a hankering for drama. Fittingly, she used to be a movie star with an overbearing dad during the golden age of Hollywood. As in, he had strict standards, forcibly controlled every aspect of her life, was abusive, and profited off his daughter's fame. After a series of flops and resulting abuses because of her increasing age, Mr. Rose threatened to do...something to poor Emily if she didn't get a successful leading role. (Miss Em does not like to talk about it, so to respect her wishes the exact threat has been omitted.) Something inside her snapped, and she murdered everyone with a mixture of poison and gunshots at the tryouts for that movie the very next day, including her father and the crew. On the run is where I found her, and I took her in after hearing her tale.

Next is Agatha LeBlanc, our maid/clown dressed girl who's good at sounding psychotic. As much as it might surprise you, she's a trans female and proud. Aggie used to work as a butler for a very abusive and homophobic man...but before she came out, she was favored as his best employee. After she came out was like hell on earth, and the abuse drove poor Agatha to poison her owner's tea and flee the scene of the crime. Luckily, I found her before the cops did.

Frances Edison is our green mad scientist and gadget guru extraordinaire. They used to be rejected by the scientific community a whole bunch, though. Frances wanted to create life in game-changing, but less than scientifically ethical ways...think Frankenstein, but in real life. Not surprisingly, their findings were rejected many times, culminating in being expelled from Oxford's science program and blacklisted by a bunch of other science schools. Predictably, Frances went mad, spent several years perfecting their corpse reanimating technique, and joined me after I sent them an invite. Gertrude Gold is our resident pet lover, owning a Guinea Pig named Chippy the Second. The reason there is a second Chippy, however, is that she was a famous author in a time where fat women and African Americans weren't authors. She never revealed her face for a long time, writing under a pen name. The one time she did, she was "doxxed" (the ancient equivalent), and all her pets were slaughtered by one of her author rivals. The person foolishly left his I.D, and the next morning a devastated Gertude killed him in his sleep. Like Agatha, I also found her before the cops did. Arthur King, our orange detective, is named after the great King Arthur, and, quite fittingly, was a member of nobility. For the sake of keeping this already long essay in check, he did a Macbeth and murdered his king to assume the throne...only this time, he didn't get away with it. I saved him from the gallows. Henry Adams and Theodore Gumshoe, our blue bookworm detective and well-dressed plum detective respectively, were hitmans for hire that angered the wrong guy and died via an assassination. Fortunately, Theodore had bet his and Henry's souls in a deal for immortality in exchange for their first death effectively transferring ownership of the souls to me. I'm a chill demon, though, and was impressed by their murdering skills. So, instead of going to hell, they were lucky to stay with my group. Win-win, even if Henry wasn't happy at first with the whole situation... And finally, Edgar Constance, better known to others as General Constance. Our red-dressed general detective suffered through the horrors of war, yet he still stayed in service for over 30 years because of his legacy of being the best general the British army ever had, and he often was assigned to very, very gruesome tasks. That prolonged, unnecessary exposure to the most brutal battles you could imagine is what made him snap, and he was forcibly discharged and arrested. I rescued him while he awaited his sentence in jail.

Hope that covers it, guys. They all owe me a nice, refreshing glass of champagne after this, mark my words. I still love them all with everything I have, though, and we'd both never trade our friendship for the world. Till we meet again, Mrs. Raven Nevermore

Raven Nevermore's Diary- February 23rd

Dear Diary,

Tippet got a bit upset that I got him matching pink-shaped knives for Valentine's Day. He says he prefers...less stabby-stabby killing methods. In his own words.

And he wonders why he's the assistant.

That is all,

Raven Nevermore 

(The Narrator)

Dear Diary,

The party was an amazing success! The scaring? Not so much.

At first, Tippet had the lights on in the golden ballroom, and our costumes looked relatively normal. We chatted, ate pastries, tried to lead the ever-so-pestering Duke away from Tippet, it was fun.

We had told Tippet we were going to tell a spooky story, and the black lights would've added a atmosphere most unpleasant. And in a sense, we were! But as we would've told the words of the story, our costumes would appear to painfully transform us into our costumed selves. Of course, it was an illusion, with each step painstakingly tied to the story's progression, and triggered by certain words.

But when I put the enchantment on the costumes, I did not calculate what would happen if someone would've yelled the story ending prematurely. And that's exactly what the Duke did.

He said, and I quote: "Oh! I know this story! It's The Masque of the Red Death where the guests and the prince died in the end due to the infection or something!" And the build up was completely ruined as we swiftly transformed into our animal illusions, to everyone's confusion. Frances had to ruin the surprise by explaining our prank. And I, frankly, understood right then and there why Tippet hated Westlyhams' guts.

At least Tippet was fine with the whole thing once I explained it to him during the slow dance portion of the entertainment. He even said he wished he saw the gradual transformation itself, and joked that maybe I should do more of this, less murder. I told him to not count on it.

Happy Halloween, I guess! Not sure how I'm going to top the intended results next year...but as the living embodiment of evil and chaos, I'm sure I'll find a way.

Till we meet again,

Mrs. Raven Nevermore

Dear Diary,

Costume preparations have gone well in the detective side of things so far. Mine was already at the tailor's, so I added a special blacklight spell to the detective's masks to...bring some good old bloody fright to this party.

It was Mx. Frances Edison's idea, to be clear. As they put it, they wanted to make a hologram in their costume that's activated by a blacklight, creating the illusion that their "crummy excuse of a plague doctor costume" had become real and deadly. I reminded them we had magic, and their face lit up. Then Frances told the others about my idea, and we came up with a plan. On October 30th, we're certainly going to have a REAL scream on our hands, and it's all thanks to Frances' genius mind.

And now I have to convince my lord to invest in blacklights, so off I shall go...hopefully this task isn't too impossible, but I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you.

Till we meet again,

Mrs. Raven Nevermore

Dear Diary,

Only 3 more days until our spooky soirée, and I have decided to celebrate the occasion by reading Macbeth. Meanwhile, Tippet's in the background arguing with our butler, Bennington, over whether to invite Duke Westleyham or not. He's a rival family of ours, has a higher title and everything...and has a certain Ned Flanders vibe to him. He's not Christian, but he has his quirks and oddities much like him. Granted, I don't know much about The Simpsons other than those gory Treehouse of Horror specials they air each year, But it doesn't dismiss the point that Tippet finds Westlyham to be his bitter rival.

Macbeth is a really good book about revenge that reminds me about Arthur King's plight. I mean, he didn't successfully kill his superiors- that's why he's here, of course- but the effort is certainly admirable. I may have created this universe, but my characters have developed in ways even I couldn't have predicted.

I'd better get back to reading, though, I wouldn't want to miss the "Macbeth shall sleep no more" scene. But on October 30th, mark my words, we're going to recreate The Masque of the Red Death with...let's just say startling accuracy.

Till we meet again,

Mrs. Raven Nevermore

Dear Diary, It's almost Halloween here in the Tippet estate, and as always he's planning a huge masquerade ball for the occasionan. He made me promise I wouldn't do my "murder shenanigans" during the party, which is honestly understandable.

Good thing he didn't mention not using dark magic to scare people...

Regardless, the detectives in my room are arguing over what masquerade costumes they're going to wear. Frances is going as a plague bird (again), Emily is going as a pheasant, her girlfriend Gertrude is going as a song bird, Agatha is going as a mime (as expected), Henry and Theodore are going to be jesters (called it), Arthur is going to be a king (of course), and Edgar is going as a red panda. I asked General Constance why he wanted to be a red panda, and he shrugged, said, "it looked cute in that movie", and left.

As for me, I'm dressing up in my typical Black Swan/Odile regalia to match Lord Tippet's white swan look. He loves talking about how his suit looks fancier than his other clothes...and I admit I share the same sentiment. I'm not a ballroom gown girl by any means...but if it makes him happy, I'll wear the tutu with pride.

Till we meet again,

Mrs. Raven Nevermore