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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years

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Bucket list

I can't deal with this, in less than 1 hour I have to face the most fucked up exam that will determine if I'm worth it as a doctor or if I have to spend another year in an emotionally wrecking job where I will never get recognition nor professional growth... So I'm writing this bit since I have nothing else better to do and my anxiety actually gives me inspiration. Also this is deeply personal so feel free to ignore it, is just an outlet for my conflicted brain.

Bill Hader x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, alcohol consumption.

The bartender gives you a meaningful look and you nodded "no" one more time that night, take another sip of your drink and finally let go a small laugh received by a roll of her eyes.

"What's wrong with that one?" She asked looking discreetly at the man that sited a couple spaces from you. "He is single, not bad looking, and also a good tipper, I mean I'm not saying marry him, but you said you wanted to meet new people so that's a good chance"

"His socks don't match his outfit" you said obviously lying, the man was indeed good looking, and that was what actually scared you, buying a drink for such handsome men and getting unapologetically rejected.

"That's bullshit and you know it, the last one was wearing too much green, and the other one had... a bad personality was it?" She was actually enjoying teasing you about the lame excuses you use. "You know what? You are buying that drink to the next man that crosses that door, no more excuses"

You were about to object her decision when the bar door opened and nice gentleman walked in, he was probably 87 and had a cane and a nice hat, he actually reminded you of your grandpa.

"Fine, I would gladly bought him a cranberry juice" you said to your friend and you both started laughing and made a polite wave to the man that was already siting in a table far from you.

"Ok the first one you can actually have a conversation with" She said once you were calmed "Seriously Y/N you were the one of the idea, and I'm truly done with your attitude..." She stoped mid sentence and looked at the door for a brief second and you immediately try to look but she didn't let you "Oh no baby, you sit here, and let Y/BF/N do the rest, don't even dare to look"

She quickly moved to the other side of the bar and you could not see who had come in, no matter how hard you tried, you only hoped your friend didn't try to set you up with a stranger, but as she had said earlier that day most of the people in that bar were regulars, so she probably knew him, it was the wicked smile on her face when she walked away what scared you.

After five minutes she came back triumphantly and your concerned grow wider, why on earth you have suggested this dumb idea? You could have chosen a bad tattoo, or something with less consequences to your selfesteem.

"Well he said thanks, and asked why the nice gesture, I said just because" She said with a smug on her face, then she pointed behind her back and you could see a silhouette with jeans and a light brown corduroy jacket "He is over there, so you can pretend that you are going to put a tip on the jar and casually say to him I hope you enjoyed the scotch, and see what happens, or you can walk out of here and I would never take anything you said seriously in my life" She had that way to say serious things and make them sound innocuous.

"Ok fine I'll go, I'm serious if this go wrong I will fucking kill you" You said and stood up walking towards the mystery man, you were hiding your nerves making your hands into fists inside the pockets of your jacket, and repeating in your mind I hope you enjoyed the scotch over and over again. Finally you approach the fishbowl filled with money and took a twenty out of your pocket, you took a deep breath and put on your best approach to a smile before turning around and looking at the handsome man in front of you "Hi, I hope you enjoyed the sco... Y/BF/N you little shit!" The words came out of you mouth and you look angry at your friend that was laughing desperately.

There holding back his laugh and looking at you completely surprised was none other than Bill Hader, in any other occasion you would be looking discreetly from the distance and definitely not screaming profanities in front of him, your friend knew about your eternal crush on him and she obviously took her opportunity, once she turn her back and start taking an order for other costumer you realize you had two choices, either walk away embarrassed or actually talk to him.

"I must apologize" Your mouth chose before your brain again "Hi, I'm Y/N and this is a tragic incident I'm so sorry I will go away now" You said trying to escape with some dignity.

"Oh that's too bad, I thought you have actually send me a drink, I can still drink it right?" He said and you suppressed the urge to laugh with the excitement that he actually spoke to you.

"Of course, that's not what I meant, I ... I made a... sort of a commitment with my friend to be more social, and one of those things were to invite a drink to someone I found attractive..." You could feel your cheeks turning red and you look anywhere but him. "So anyway I chicken out so she chose for me, and I'm so sorry again for disturbing your night" you were once again about to leave when he talked.

"So does that mean your friend finds me attractive and you don't?" Apparently he was having the time of his life with this whole interaction so you felt some form of confidence and you could answer less embarrassed.

"Oh no, she knows I found you attractive, that's why she didn't tell me it was you here, in other circumstances I would be over there" you pointed to a booth behind a corner "Taking a million pictures and not talking to you"

"Well that wouldn't go well with the promise you make to your friend" He sound sincere and you were happy to talk to him as well "What's that about, why do you need to be more social?"

"It's a sad, long and boring story" you answered suddenly feeling anxious again.

"Well I haven't finish my drink" He started and then two other drinks appear in front of you from the hands of Y/BF/N

"On the house" she said with a wink and quickly walked away.

"Ok, prepare to be bored to dead" Yo said taking a sip of the tequila she served.

"I don't think I will, so your name is Y/N, and you wanted to buy me a drink, thanks by the way" He said signaling the stool in front of him so you could seat.

"Yeah, well I turned 30 last week, and I don't know the whole what am I doing with my life? thing started to take a toll on me, I realized I haven't done anything remarkable or fun or meaningful in years, I don't have a husband or kids, nor like I want a husband and kids, but I thought at least I'll have an offer by now, so I make this bucket list of things I must definitely do before I turn fifty and I have another existential crisis." You told him and he seemed genuinely intrigued by your story.

"What sort of things?" He asked taking a sip of the new glass of scotch. "Apart of course from speaking to strangers in a bar"

"Point a place in the map and just go there, learn to speak Chinese, date a guy with a six pack, some are childish, some are important, like quit my job and do what I actually want to do" they were all dreams, but actually made you feel better on bad days.

"Date a guy with a sixpack?" He said laughing.

"Yeah, you know to see why people make such a big deal about it" you said. "Anyway, that's my story, pathetic and sad'

"I don't think it is" he was looking straight at you with those piercing blue eyes of him, there was something about that unshaven jawline that hypnotized you and you were praying he wouldn't notice "It takes courage to actually do what you want, and on the husband and kids thing if you don't actually want it maybe you shouldn't measure your success on whether or not you have them"

You kept talking for another hour until the clock at the bar marked 11:00 and even when yo didn't want this moment to end you had to pop the bubble and face reality.

"So this was really fun, but I have to work tomorrow" you started not sure where you wanted to get.

"And I have to pick up my children tomorrow, hey I don't actually have a six pack" he started and you thank the bar for holding you because your legs stopped working "But if you want to get coffee sometime, or talk, or buy me another drink" he wrote his number in a small card and put it on your hands "Good luck on that list" he said with a wink and walked out of the bar.

While the excited screams of Y/BF/N sound far away you hold on to that card thinking this was the absolutely best idea she could ever have and that maybe, just maybe there was some better things waiting for you.

#bill hader fanfiction #bill hader imagine #i love bill hader #bill hader edit #bill hader #bill hader x reader #bill hader x you #im about to have a breakdown #100

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veterveter · 3 years

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Hey hey, it's gay bike anon again! I'm more than honoured to get my own tag!!! I definitely would like to keep talking to you <3 And only love for you too <3

I'll gladly wait for your response to my ask (or asks??? we'll see one day ehehehe)! I feel you, when people cite some of my text messages from a few months (or more) ago I'm often like "nope, nah-ah, that's not me, you're wrong". Same for older essays, I often can't believe I wrote those. And even with things I wrote late at night a few weeks ago, sometimes I'm like "I wrote that? That monstrosity??? Okay, I need more sleep before writing". (My capacity of writing in correct English grammar usually goes to sleep before I do, same goes for varied word choice). But sometimes I'll see this project I've worked on YEARS ago and exactly recognize the pieces I wrote? Since the ask would be fairly recent, I suppose I would recognise my writing style and word choice and since I didn't wrote it whilst sleep deprived (I hope??) I'm setting my chances of recognising it pretty high. But we'll see one day, the mystery will marinate for a while... [I am rereading this in the daytime, and this is EXACTLY what I meant, at night I make the weirdest word choices?? I’m definitely not changing it though because I might find it kinda funny]

I snorted so hard about the way you talked about your almost-name, I'm giggling here like crazy. Apparently my name means something alike 'dedicated to God', but my parents aren't really believers, so gotta love that. The meaning of my sibling's name is 'summer', but I'm the one born in the summer, whilst my sibling is born in autumn, oops. Guess my parents never checked one of those sites/ books where you can find the meaning of a name hahaha.

I love how my ask was so weird and chaotic that you sent a screenshot to a friend. I LOVE that she had no idea what was going on. Then again, I watched the semis (obviously hahaha) but I had no idea what was going on either... But honestly it was peak Dutch culture, water and bicycles, I would just add an ode to 'hagelslag' and voila, the entirety of Dutch culture summed up... [Also: if you don't know: 'hagelslag' is just sprinkles which we eat on bread, yes, on bread, we do not not only eat sprinkles as on cake or on donuts, like in any other country, no, we put it on bread. It's actually a really popular sandwich topping here. My ultimate favourites are the chocolate ones, but you also have them in several fruity flavours (like forest fruit) and anise flavour.] Thank you, perfect chaotic energy is an ultimate goal I strive towards *bows like I'm Victorian royalty or something*

You're absolutely right, it went EXACTLY like that. Specifically, I would be studying for my exams, explaining topics to myself like I always do, so I'd tell myself "The six possible origins of economies of scope are indivisibility, specialisation, marketing, research and development, GUESS WHAT.. SUBWAY DRIVER GANDÍA... ehhh... what was I doing again??" OR: "one of the most detailed and most used models of responsive regulation is Brathwaite's piramid. His enforcement piramid visually shows, nope not important, SUBWAY DRIVER GANDÍAAAAAA" And I'd laugh, continue explaining theories and calculations to myself until my focus started lessening again and my thoughts would wander off again. I am VERY glad I'm not the only one who thinks about it from time to time, and I'm glad you're not suing me for any mental harm yet.

Yess, those pictures I saw from Promising Young Woman look so beautiful and aesthetic!! I'll probably watch it somewhere after the 16th, because I'll most likely have finished my last exams by then. I'll tell you what I thought about it! Thank you SO SO SO much for all the luck wishes!!!! I had an exam last Friday and I absolutely rewarded myself, because it went better than I expected and I passed an earlier exam and a paper too! I didn't buy myself a tricorne (yet), but I did buy funko pops (my inner economist said it was 100% rational because it was a really good deal hahaha). I still have two exams to go, so I could always buy a tricorne for finishing either of those, OR. EVEN BETTER. I'll ask my parents (or my grandparents) for one for my birthday. I mean, that would be hilarious. They'd be so confused. They've never seen S3 and S4 of LCDP so they'll have no idea, even if I tried to explain it. It would be so incredibly funny (and really really weird for them), I am laughing like crazy just at the thought of it.

I've never been in Finland before, but those temperatures do not sound legal indeed. I have no knowledge of Finnish law, but maybe article 3 of the European Convention on Human Rights, the prohibition of torture, would work? If I was the judge I’d 100% agree, so we should all sue the weather sksksks. I'm glad to have brought you rain though (and that I apparently possess the power to do so - magic weather controlling pirate seems like a nice enough job to me)!!! I hope the temperature has become at least somewhat lower. You're right, climate change should just... stop... right away. The weather is pretty weird here, right now: one day it will be super sunny and (at least) around 27 degrees and almost melting away, and the other day it will be raining and I'll be wearing my warmest sweater. Like, why the extremes??

I love that I am able to make you lose your coherent thoughts (that's probably why we have one brain energy about Underwater, because I, too, have the ability to make myself lose my coherent thoughts). I'm glad for your faith in my impersonation of Martín. I even started Duolingo Spanish again, and now know the phrase, "Yo bebo leche" (I drink milk) which obviously would be very important to him. Now I'll just need an Argentinian accent to go with it. Leaning menacingly on a cane would be GREAT, I love the idea. I'll open job applications for a Denver. Maybe my cat could help me, she, much like Denver, is super loud and she is super aggressive towards other cats, so there is potential there. And guiding dogs and even tiny guiding horses exist, why not a guiding cat?

I always assumed I would follow a more... you know… legal... career path, maybe even literally a career in law. But, my accounting professor also showed us how to manipulate financial statements ("so you can notice when people are doing this", uh-huh sure, sure that’s why) and another professor of mine also said that a criminal career sometimes could be the more rational, rewarding choice over a legally acceptable career. So, I suppose I should not be surprised by this sudden change of career plans. I should have seen this coming. And what better way to be able to avoid the laws than by knowing exactly what they are and how far you can go. And if that plan doesn’t work out, the books of law I have (they’re combined in two huge hardcover bundles) are really heavy and you could probably harm someone with them if you hit hard enough… Well, I suppose you can even leave “hard” away, just by hitting someone softly with those books you can bring serious harm to them… Ah, and like that one professor would say: in this scenario it would be a rational choice to become a pirate instead of a privateer. Oh dear, not Arturito :/ Mutiny would seem like a good option, I’ll take over the ship and become Palermo the Pirate. Sounds much and much better than “Arturo the Pirate”, since that isn’t an alliteration, sooo mutiny is reasonable even for that reason. And then there’s the fact that it’s Arturo, I mean, that says enough.

YOU LOVE UNDERWATER TOO????!!!! I completely forgot that you posted that! It seems we do indeed already have one shared braincell energy my friend <3

Last week has been pretty good (except for having to make a test at 9:30, what a godless time, I’m usually barely awake by then ehehehe), I think I aced the test I had, got back some good grades and finally got my first Covid vaccination (and only shortly slight dizziness as a side effect, so that's pretty great). And thanks so much!!! For now I’m safe from Gandía, but somewhere in mid-July I’ll have to take an exam on campus, so I’ll might be able to bring out my inner Palermo then.

How was your week? If the weather is still unkind to you (well, also if the weather *is* kind to you), treat yourself to your favourite ice cream and a break every now and then <3 Do you already have holidays or hasn’t your academical year ended yet?

You’re also right - this is conversation and we’re friends now <3 And I absolutely do like cookies! I would say my favourites are american cookies (though stroopwafels are reaally good as well) but honestly there are only a few kinds of cookies that I don’t love that much. And anything with chocolate in it is GREAT. I do also love apples and bananas, though grapes (which I just had) are even better! What’s your favourite kind of cookie?

Also, I know I have been giving you so many prompts already, but I saw this one in that list you reblogged and it gave me so much Berlermo energy: you live in an apartment with your best friend. the two of you always fall asleep in each other's arms, but one day, your friend isn't there. they've fallen in love with someone else. it's your other best friend, who recently moved in with you. and that's when you realize, that those nights you spent together, weren't so platonic after all. I would love it if you’d write it, but if you decide not to that’s absolutely fine too, no worries <3

By the way, I was going to post this quite a bit earlier, but my laptop (unlike me) decided yesterday night, when I was finishing writing this, that it was time to sleep, so I had to quickly dump this whole rant in Google Docs (it’s almost two and a half pages what the heck) and I was busy all day so I only was able to upload it just now. I swear I can ractually espond faster than after a week :) Have a lovely evening, much love from the gay bike country <3

Heeeeeeey you are back!!! How happy am I to see my favouritest gay bike anon return to my inbox!!! 💕 [Author's note: You can tell I started this reply right away because you've sent me three or four asks since this one and one can tell you are indeed back hahaha]

Yeeeeeees this is how one makes friends!! You know, I was just thinking the other night of how "gay bike anon" shortens to GBA, like the Game Boy Advance, you know. Make of that what you will, but it pleases me to know that you can also have a cute nickname for your cute nickname. Nicknameception.

Yes, exactly that, "I did not write that, and if I did in fact write that.. No I did not." Also, "the mystery will marinate"??? That's an amazing word choice and some day I will absolutely use it for something, just you wait. I think it just goes to show that you should write everything while tired, haha.

Haha I love that naming convention for you. It may make very little sense, but....... but. Also, happy birthday for whenever it is, presumably in the nearby past or future!! Lots of love!! You're the summer child while your sibling is... a summer child, but like, different.

Since you appreciated my almost-name story, I'll reward you with the rest of it: so my name is Tuuli, which is Finnish for "wind". My mum originally wanted to name me Pilvi, which means "cloud". And then she was like oh no this child is not at all serene and cloud-like??? and thus, a new me. I'm glad she had second thoughts, although I wonder if having such an ill-fittingly chill name would've done anything to alter my personality? Nomen est omen and all. There's some kind of an alternate universe where all of that played out, but I'm glad it's not this one.

Yeah either you watched the semis and have no idea, or you didn't watch them and have no idea. There is no way to get what was going on there, I'm certain they themselves also didn't get it. I had no idea about hagelslag but thjipgnhefjpihjo that's amazing, I love that for you!!!! There was absolutely no reason to go there but you as a country just... did that. Amazing. Please have some and report to me so I can live through you. And also, you are absolutely legit Victorian royalty [or something] *bows in return*. Also, I do love how you say "I watched the semis (obviously)." Imagine if you didn't and this entire time I was tragically misinterpreting the nature and intentions of your ask and you were just rolling with it because you've no idea what I'm on about but are also too polite to tell me that. Khhhhhhh

Your brain has priorities!!!! And they're honestly beautiful. Well done, brain. Subway driver Gandíaaaaaaaaaa~~~ My brain is filled with Berlermo quotes that come @ me at random times during the day and leave me just a tad shell-shocked, remembering how it all went down. I'm eating my morning yoghurt and my brain goes yo te propuse fundir oro juntos, and I'm just there like :)))))) Real nice, brain.

Have you had the opportunity to see Promising Young Woman yet? Hhhhh it's so pretty, every time I work on this reply [it's a lot of times, okay, I'm very diligent about this, I stare at this ask and craft snazzy replies in my head all the time, that's why I'm so slow in... actually replying] I'm reminded of that. I'm not a very visual person but the colours and the framing... that was really nice.

I am somewhat glad you've not been to Finland yet, you must hit me up when you come visit, I'll take you for coffee!!! It's actually cooler now (bless!!!!!!!!!!!), the last... four days have been reasonable 14-20 degrees, after four consequtive weeks of 25+. Kkhhhh thinking back to it makes me feel a little ill, but now beret weather is back. I own a lot of berets, dear gay bike anon. I'm going to my university city for the weekend and I'm already wondering which beret(s) I should bring with me. This is an important decision with potential long-lasting consequences. I don't know if you've played any of Telltale's games (The Wolf Among Us and the first two seasons of The Walking Dead are the best ones, fight me), but when you make a decision and the game goes "This character will remember that." and you instantly go oh no what have I done??? That's how I feel about choosing the perfect beret for my city outing. But yes, weather extremes are just the worst. We've been having the longest drought I've ever seen here (it's still not properly rained, for the record, on Tuesday it rained for an hour or so) while in other places there's awful flooding. That's awful.

Ahhh I'm so happy you're continuing your Spanish-learning!! I took a beginner's course at uni in the spring semester, I'm going to take the next one when uni resumes in September. And yes, I'm studying it for LCDP. I mean I love languages in general, but I never had a particular need to study Spanish, until this year I suddenly did. I'm also Duolingo-ing it! Very slowly and steadily. Also, I adore the idea of your cat being your Denver. What's your cat's name??? What do they look like?? Tell me everything, you can't just leave it at my cat, you simply must allow me to meet them. Also, you know why guide cats aren't a thing? Because cats are the worst. I love cats, but you can't just teach them to do useful things. They'll do them if they want to. As I type this, my cat is trying to catch flies at my feet. Her name is Muusa.

I studied accounting for my undergrad!! So I can join you in [[[preventing]]] tax fraud and [[[recognising]]] tampering with financial statements. We can make a totally legitimate business out of it. No but truly, I'm certain we were taught some of those things with the expectation that our future employers would expect it of us. Capitalism is so fun :)))))) And you shouldn't be surprised, academia is but a stepping stone to crime, honestly. Any dark academia book will tell you this. You start out learning Latin and wearing turtlenecks, you end up with murder. That's just how academia works. And you seem to have already chosen your weapon... you're well on your way. :) Palermo the Pirate sounds great!!! I support your mutiny. I don't think I said, but this is my favourite word of the English language. Mutiny. Mutiny????? It doesn't sound very serious. It sounds cute, actually. I love it.

I'm so happy to hear you got your covid vaccine!!!! I had mine a month ago or so - I typed you a reply to the subway Gandía thing on the train ride back, actually. I was really stressed about getting it on my right arm, because I'm left-handed, and last time I got a vaccination (like a decade ago) they insisted on giving it on my left arm and I was sad :( But this time!! I got it on my chosen arm and was very pleased. So anyway, that was a segue. I'm glad you got your covid shot and were side effect -free!!!

My week has been good, thank you!! I went to my uni city for my niece's birthday on Monday, and as said I'm going back on Friday (tomorrow). So this time in between has felt like exactly that, time in between. I started reading Call Me By Your Name. I had my Korean class last night. Now I'm hanging out with my cat (she has stopped chasing flies and climbed to my lap) and talking to you. My holidays started already in May! And uni resumes in the beginning of September, but I'm a tutor for new students so I need to show up three weeks earlier for the orientation weeks. Yes, we do three weeks of orientation (read: three weeks of drinking). It's a bit insane.

Now I need to ask you again how your week has been, since I'm so slow. How has your week been?? Are you free from your exams?? When does your uni resume?

Stroopwafels are so good ahhh I'll have to buy them when and or if I see them. Possibly when I'm in central Europe but haha I can hope to be lucky and see them at a store with imported stuff, you know. My favourite cookies??? Omg maybe these ones - they have this truffle filling, and they're fun to eat (this is important in cookies, you see):

And of course they're Fazer. Because Finnish people have only one setting, apparently. Or maybe that's just me. But all cookies are great, honestly. I like making American cookies, that's always a fun pastime (and you get to have cookie dough, that's like half the fun). I've actually not made them for a lifetime??? Maybe I should, soon. I'll keep you updated. Also, brookies. I love making brookies, they're great.

I really really appreciate being given prompts, I hope you know that!! Thank you!! Consider me pocketing this prompt and maybe eventually some day theoretically getting back to you about it!! You're right - it has Berlermo energy. Insofar as either of them actually have other friends. :)

Thank you for this kind message, dear gay bike anon <3 I'd apologise for my slowness in replying but I think I'd rather you just assume that I'll get back to you, and thank you for your patience <3 Your kind and funny and chaotic asks always brighten my day. I hope you'll have a great rest of the week and just... all the nice and fun and good things and great vibes in life. All the best, dear gay bike anon <3 Take care!! And greetings from Muusa as well - she just yawned and I presume that means "greetings".

#only love for gay bike anon #the timeline became accidentally somewhat restored with this one #I may have intended to reply to medieval snails first - I was writing these two simultaneously even though that makes very little sense #- but I finished this one first #strange!!!!!! but yes all the best to you my friend I hope you'll have a great day and a best rest of this week!!#asks #I'm scrolling to check that the formatting didn't break and the random box of cookies amuses me

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