honestly? the new malevolent episode continues to add to my disappointment in season four, specifically regarding John. John's shown no consistency and only some of it can be attributed to his bouts of forgetfulness. He's grown pointless to the plot and rarely is he actually utilized as someone controlling significant parts of Arthur's body (when was the last time we heard him using the arm that wasn't involved with him driving? or the foot?)

John feels relegated to the role of Sexy Lamp and it's BORING!

Arthur has also grown increasingly unlikeable. Why would he tell Scratch how worried he was about John "losing himself" and his potential contribution towards that effect, only to treat John rudely when his forgetfulness is shown? Why is he being so dismissive and harsh? Don't get me started on the whole "you don't know what it's like to be alone in this situation" like??? John has no agency??

I used to dread having work hours again knowing I could have a bad eye day and not have the possibility to spend the day in darkness with a bunch of paracetamol. Well, now I know why. I'm about to leave for work wearing sunglasses indoors, with half my face completely congested and a left eye that looks like a sick rabbit's and it fucking sucks.

edit: an hour later I'm mentally glaring at 1g of paracetamol I took with breakfast wondering when it'll work because it huuuuuurts 😑

I just want a relaxed enough job that I can work from hotels so I can go spend weekends in other states to go visit my people. Is that too much to ask???

upset and sad that im not able to go to sachsenring....

Dumps a bucket of ice water, ....he will now run for his life.

He's soaked to the protoform very suddenly... It's great for a whole 2 seconds. You better be quick, because he's chasing you now.

Ok so this time I’m just looking at photos of random people for character inspo and especially types of noses and jaw shapes… and yet again I am crying at how fucking beautiful ppl can be. Specially crooked teeth or pronounced noses goddamn some faces are just way too hot and I’m feeling ways about it

I'm not on tumblr for a few days and BAM they change the look... WHY is it so narrowwwwwww. I want a fleshed out, thiccccc dashboard!!!

the fact that i must emerge from my blanket cocoon to write is the height of injustice, the audacity of life, how dare it---

Sometimes I like to dig through RS fanworks of yore on here to catch a glimpse of what the fandom was like back then. And then get sad that there’s practically none of that today, it makes me feel... inadequate? To see people actively create fanworks together with their oc’s and the canon gang, and today there’s just me, 3 other people, and a shoelace (as a buddy likes to say it).

Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed yet again

American bootstrap brainrot is knowing 100% that you straight up don't have enough money to survive each month coming in and being surprised when you run out of groceries a week before you get your grocery money because you tried so so hard to not do that.

Every month I'm like, aha I have finally figured out the Ideal Perfect grocery order and I will not run out of food before our money gets here this time. I have outwitted poverty! Surely this will not end the same way as the last 6 months have with me having to beg to get through the last few days before I can buy more food.

And then a week before the check comes in like clockwork I'm out of food I can safely eat and my ED recovery progress feels like it's been reset to 0.

URGH i need to go to SLEEP i have been cranky all day and staying up will not help me

Debating with myself to draw less and less explicit smut to see what level of my OTP brainworms tumblr will be "ok" with.

i want hugs and also cash money :((

It's a unique type of frustration when you agree that a character is deeply flawed but other people keep missing what's actually wrong with them and assigning them new flaws that they don't even have it's like free my man he did none of that. He did a bunch of other shit tho.