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talenlee · 7 months

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Story Pile: Bloodthirsty Hearts

I feel like pre-emptively, there’s a lift I have to ask of you. Bloodthirsty Hearts is a horror podcast. Wait, no, it’s a horror fiction podcast. Wait wait wait no, no, it’s a horror comedy fiction podcast. Oh, wait, no I missed a bit, it’s a horror comedy fiction podcast about zoomers engaging with popular media that feels definitely like it’s millenial stuff.

Did I scare you off?

There is a chance that you never listened to radio plays growing up. You aren’t the kind of person who finds it adorable, charming and narratively acceptable to hear characters giving semi-naturalistic dialogue that’s meant to handle transitions and setting and reacting to oh no! there’s a monster in the room! We’re going to scream in a way that won’t blow out the mic or clip the audio, while still trying to convey meaningful emotion!

I think, inherently, there’s a strong chance, that just this whole form of media, is a hard no for you. And that’s okay. You should not imagine that anything I say about Bloodthirsty Hearts is going to change your mind about it. It is 100% exactly what it is, and it’s not about to elevate the form. If you don’t like fiction podcasts, this is not going to change your mind, and it’s a very classic example of it.

Also I guess, spoiler warning, but nothing too explicitly important, just generalities until right at the end where I mention the way that a plot point is woven around other things. If you’re immediately curious to check it out, and want to talk about it, you can check it all out, for free. I liked it! I think that if you like the style it’s projecting, yeah, it follows up on it, and that’s good!

Bloodthirsty Hearts is about Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans.

I mean it’s not, it’s about Harry Potter fans.

But reealllly it’s kinda about being an anime fan. Or no, not even that. You know what I’m being unclear, and glib, like clippy dialogue.

Anyway. Bloodthirsty Hearts is a story about a gaggle of girls who, at one point in their tween years, were united by their interest in a series of Edgy Tween To Teen Aged horror-fantasy-adventure stories, Bloodthirsty Hearts that are full of all those things that kids like in those books like adventure and drama and deniably racy sexy bits, you know the things they like if they weren’t Animorphs fans, since we like traumatising body horror and heavily deniable nonbinary centaurfucking. Then, we fast forward a few years and these tweens are now teens and teens are complicated and relationships are different and they’re not friends any more, and the big convention for their childhood interest is tomorrow and and and —

Look, the moving parts of the story are really obvious to kick off. Teens who had drifted apart go to a convention for their favourite horror franchise and it turns out the franchise is real and now their love of the franchise and their trust in one another has to keep them alive while they grapple with a sudden existential horror and get to watch the people around them getting munched for a variety of narratively important reasons.

It’s exactly the kind of story you get looking at the label and it’s good at it, and I liked it a lot!

I always have this thing about teenage focused media, where I think about how a lot of the stuff I parsed as a teenager, that was about ‘young people’ I was meant to relate to was always, even in the webcomic era of stories being crafted with less of the publishing structure around, about adults making stuff for teenagers. I remember joking that Homestuck is an underdiagnosed Gen Xer passing on their brain worms to a millenial audience who didn’t know they were dealing with a single person’s very specific idea of a story rather than an actual meaningful treatise from an expert position about those things, and also, hi, you have these kinks now.

The thing is, to me, what Bloodthirsty Hearts reminds me of is not the story of a now, not a current event of how youths today engage with the kind of media they do. It’s kinda a 1990s feeling story to me, as it might be if the primary people producing it have a teenage experience of the early 00s and late 90s, rather than a focal experience that’s currently contemporary. It’s not like it’s anachronistic, but it’s just that the kind of thing it is feels anachronistic. It feels ultimately, like something that got a movie production that was kinda shitty, that paid adult actors were showing up for a convention that really, ultimately, couldn’t even do a good job faking not being shitty idiots.

So it’s about Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But Buffy The Vampire Slayer — a 90s horror action comedy instrumental to culture and a generation of creators despite almost every single thing that resulted from it being an immense disappointment — is a TV show, not a book series, so what if it’s actually about say, Terf Wizard Cops Stop Wizard With A Nuke, which oh look at that, it’s also about being an immense disappointment.

There are two competing threads I felt running through my fingertips as I listened to Bloodthirsty Hearts, one of the first things I put on my podcast player at normal speed in five years. One of those threads is the way that a group of girls who love and care about a piece of media confront, one after another, every single figure in that work’s creative pipeline and every structure of their life disappoints them and then as a direct result winds up eaten by a gargoyle vampire, but the gargoyle vampires are also bad. Anyway, the point is for that, that the books aren’t good, the movies aren’t good, the girls are good and them finding what they loved about it is their communal space and sharing that space and enjoying the books together. That! is! Good! Shit!

The other thing the story is about is gay yearning and how useless teenagers are at communicating and I’m not joking or exaggerating and it resolves well.

Anyway uhhhh yeah.

Bloodthirsty Hearts. Surprisingly good, considering it has peeing on yourself as a comedy plot point. Multiple times.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#Media #Story Pile

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hopevalley · 3 years

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Season 8, Episode 10: Old Love, New Love, Is This True Love

All right, so...like I said, work has picked up and my eyes feel like old marbles from staring at numbers (the woes of working in accounting I guess) so I want to get this written up and tossed into the nether before I lose steam and motivation to do it. The interesting thing about these little write-ups is that as the week goes on they just get harder and harder to write...

I do apologize in advance to those who like the long-winded write-ups. I’m just not up to it at the moment. Still feeling kind of bleh from the episode.

Let’s go back to an old format, shall we?

The Good

We might as well start out with the things about this episode that I enjoyed!

Gossip Hour with the Men was one of the best openers they’ve had on the show in a while. It was genuinely funny without being meanspirited. Nobody looked like the bad guy. Everyone just calmly talked about it alike it was a normal thing to maybe call off the wedding. Bill calling out Carson for giving marriage advice was pretty funny, Mike was a delight. I don’t know what to say. I’d watch a whole episode of The Boys just hanging around spending time together.

Florence’s worry that she’s ugly was...not a terrible idea for a storyline, but the actress is too good-looking to pretend to be ugly (I saw her in this pretty yellow dress on Instagram a couple years ago and she was smashing)? Also, it’s not like Ned is a handsomely aged gentleman (like Henry lol) so it makes even less sense for the characters. I think they should have gone with Florence feeling she’s “plain” and that dressing up Super Nice makes her feel uncomfortable because she just doesn’t feel like Herself and worries maybe it’s projecting a false sense of Who She Is or something? I guess overall I still liked that an attempt was made to add some depth to Florence and her difficulties in choosing a dress/hairstyle, so...it goes here.

Ned asking Henry to be his best man was nice, too. I can forgive the shoddy pacing and weird placement of this request (like I do with almost everything in the show) but only because the scene was just...so incredibly wholesome.

I like how Henry just casually is like, “Well maybe today’s just not the day.” I think it eased Ned’s mind just a little that he CAN back out if he really wants to.

I think it’s worth thinking about the fact that Ned and Henry would have always worked very closely, since the mercantile would have been a company store before the mine closed down... I like Henry and Ned as pals.

I’m glad the “investment” thing with Jesse and Clara’s savings was brought up in a way that...makes sense. And also, glad it wasn’t forgotten.

I really liked Molly and Florence in this episode. I’m a little sad Florence married Ned because I AM SORRY BUT I WANTED TO KEEP SHIPPING MOLLY AND FLORENCE TOGETHER UGHGHGHH

But their relationship is so good and maYBE Elizabeth will learn something from them.

Hey Elizabeth...you see that?

YOU SEE THAT?

Just saying.

And then later...

“You are the sister I never had, the mother I forever wanted, the friend I have always needed. From the depths of those dark and terrifying coal mines you’ve walked beside me, picking me up whenever I’ve stumbled along the way.”

AAAAAAAAA IT GOT ME.

I’m...really liking Fiona and Mike’s relationship, whatever it is. I kind of think they’re not headed toward anything romantic. Everyone thinks Mike is really into Fiona but at the end of the episode we realize he likes talking to her about business; it’s almost like they have this shared passion for numbers/ideas and he likes infodumping to her (and vice-versa).

I think they’re going to end up being “just friends” and Fiona will end up paired off with the man Elizabeth doesn’t choose. They hinted at Nathan briefly in this episode (with Allie’s hair), but who knows? I’m over trying to speculate on where the triangle is going at this point, but I actually like Fiona’s relationship with Mike so much that I’ll be disappointed if she fades into the background with Nathan or Lucas. Mike deserves more screentime.

Ned and Florence sharing their fIRST KISS. My husband got emotional over this. And I admit, it was starting to get to me, too. I can’t NOT root for them.

I said it before and I’ll say it again: I WOULD DIE FOR THE CANFIELDS.

The wedding was nice. I liked that Bill and Joseph officiated it together; it gives Joseph a li’l trial run of pastoring and finally Bill gets to use some of that power of his to officiate a wedding.

“Please, if you’d like” is such a Bill way to say that they may kiss LOL.

Also, I have to admit that I did enjoy Lucas calling Nathan out about Allie. She wouldn’t be caught in the middle if he’d leave Elizabeth alone AND HE IS RIGHT LMAO.

The last good thing: Elizabeth telling Nathan she doesn’t blame him for Jack’s death. Nice. Good. Thank you. He probably needed to hear that.

...THE BAD

Carson and Faith. UGH. UGHHHHHHHHHH. BREAK UP ALREADY I HATE YOU BOTH.

I appreciated that Carson had the ring ages ago, and I did like his conversation with Minnie—or more accurately, her advice to him. I felt like she was nudging him toward, “Remember why you became a surgeon in the first place.” If he became a surgeon to help people, then there’s no reason he can’t help people where he is. Sure, he might not be doing state of the art procedures but with Faith working alongside him, he can afford time to learn new things and go to doctor conventions or even take a specialized class now and then. No other doctor could get away for very long but he has that chance!

And he’ll arguably be doing more good in the middle of nowhere than in the city. All the doctors want to live in the city. Nobody wants to barely get paid for their time in the countryside.

We had a whole episode that made it clear that Faith and Carson don’t make a lot of money and do a lot of charity work. They also work for trade goods (mostly food). So it’s like...a pretty big difference in lifestyle?

Half the reason I can’t get invested in these characters is because I really can’t stand Paul Greene. He just...annoys me on every single level imaginable. But he’s a decent actor and I can’t help but feel that his character was a massive waste of space for the past few seasons through no fault of the man himself. Imagine introducing a character like Carson and then leaving him to rot before you try to make him interesting with a romance plot that nobody asked for.

Yes, some people really like Faith and Carson, but as a whole I think the fandom didn’t buy into them as a ship due to the lack of chemistry.

It really is a shame. This episode didn’t do a thing to endear me to either character. Please, Carson. I am begging you to leave town.

This one particular line of dialogue almost enraged me.

WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW WE CAN SEE THAT FOR OURSELVES. WHY DID THEY HAVE ROSEMARY SAY THIS LIKE IT’S AN EPISODE OF A CHILD’S TV SHOW?

Elizabeth.........

How could Katie have...looked up to her? She was never in her class? That was? Never part of anything? It was just something they threw in here to force Elizabeth to make 1% more sense in the role she’s in but IT STILL DOESN’T WORK.

I felt like I was back in Season 5 again with Lori and Elizabeth putting their nose in everyone’s business except it’s just Elizabeth!! The whole plot, which was boring and contrived anyway, should have gone to Molly, since she’s Florence’s best friend and another woman from town that Katie would have known as a child.

AND ALSO, MOLLY WOULD HAVE KNOWN KATIE’S MOTHER AND WOULD REMEMBER THE GRIEF THAT NED STRUGGLED WITH.

I know they wanted to make Elizabeth give advice so that she’d Realize that she needs to, I don’t know, make better choices or something, but it was too on the nose for me and I hated it.

GinithePooh on Reddit made a good comparison to Elizabeth in this episode by saying she reminded them of Clippy from Microsoft Word, always popping up and offering to help when nobody really needs or wants advice.

To honor their incredible idea, I opened Photoshop and created this gem, which I will also be posting separately so that people can reblog it if they wish to.

I also don’t think I need to say also filed under The Bad is the fact that Elizabeth didn’t even apologize for being awful to Rosemary and then gave her unsolicited advice to other people for two days straight. I can’t believe they wrote that?

All I can say is that her apology to Rosemary, when it comes, better be good.

And I didn’t like this either:

I wish it had been followed up by literally anything: Nathan saying he’s sorry he didn’t tell her sooner or something to make the hand-holding actually be a little more innocent.

As it is, it just seems so deliberate?

Maybe the next episode starts off right in this scene and we’ll get that? If so, this might actually end up being fine. I just don’t think it is if it doesn’t get a little more direct attention.

& THE UGLY

I debated on putting anything in here, because I’m not ready to talk about my feelings on this matter, at least not fully. But I’ve been pretty quiet all season so far, and...eh, why not just mention things in advance? What will it hurt?

Let me preface this section by saying I’m biased and I doubt hardly anyone on this site will agree with me, so feel free to just ignore this part if that’s the case.

There are two things that I really didn’t like in this episode.

I hate the slanting toward Bill/Molly.

I like Molly just fine but I don’t like her with Bill. I’m biased as all getout and also worried about the future/potential Season 9 with regards to this. I don’t want to see it. Like at all. Why, you ask? You should know why if you follow me. I’m super transparent.

It’s because I like AJ AND I WANT HER BACK LOL.

John Tinker rewatched the series so we know he wouldn’t have missed that hanging plot thread—especially since he didn’t forget any of the other things that were brought up this season! So why didn’t she appear this season? The love triangle absolutely needed to be a focus or it would have never ended, so that’s part of it, but I’m also pretty sure Josie Bissett wasn’t interested in doing any filming last year during Covid. My only “proof” is that Wedding March 6 wasn’t filmed last year even though it was scheduled to be filmed, but it makes sense. Last year was chaos.

THAT SAID, Jack Wagner posted on his Instagram the other day that they are actually filming Wedding March 6 now, so... I guess AJ’s re-appearance in Season 9 wouldn’t come as too much of a surprise if they wanted to write it.

You’d think I’d be hyped about that, and I kind of am? But it doesn’t come without its share of worries, too. We just had the worst love triangle in the history of love triangles and I really don’t want another one, especially if it makes any of the characters in question look stupid or mean.

I fully admit a well-written love triangle could be a LOT of fun for them* (low stakes because they’re not front and center characters), but I saw how Nathan was written so far this season and I really, REALLY do not want to see that happen to Molly, Bill, or AJ.

Anyway, not a fan of the Molly/Bill stuff. No chemistry. I don’t want it.

*I would totally write a fanfic like this lmao.

And finally...the part that everyone will hate me for:

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE ABIGAIL COME BACK. And I specifically do not want her to come back ‘cause I do not wanna see Henry/Abigail happen.

I fully recognize that a lot of you like it and ship the heck out of it, and that’s...good. I’m glad you enjoy it. I loathe it, though, and I worry that all these hints (more like...mentions) are leaning toward...something. Like, either they’re:

1) Sending Abigail off/tying up that loose end with Henry (since nothing was ever clarified either way), or

2) Warming up the audience to receive Abigail back on the show.

I’m pretty into the idea of one-sided Henry/Abigail. Hindsight is 20/20, regrets, that’s all some juicy stuff to give a character like Henry. Some things can’t ever be made right again. He had too direct of a connection to the death of her husband and son for me to ever want to see them together. Forgiveness? Yes. A careful but meaningful friendship? Yes. Romantic relationship? Uh...no thanks.

I liked the Abigail mentions at first because I felt like...the character still mattered (as she should) but I’m at a point where I feel like they’re trying really hard to steer the fandom’s view a certain way and not knowing where it’s going is extremely unsettling to me.

I’ll probably talk more about the things that bother me when the season ends, because I’m hoping to have a better idea of where things are going to be headed, but for now just...know that I feel very apprehensive.

And keep in mind that I primarily watch this show for Bill these days, since all my previous faves (AJ, Frank, the old Abigail, Dottie) have exited, stage left. I also always really liked seeing Henry. So as you can imagine, seeing plotlines I hate for the only two characters I’m invested in? Is making me consider dropping the series next year.

My husband told me I should hate-watch it, but I don’t know if my heart can take it. I’ve been following this series for so long...it just...kind of hurts to feel let down like this?

But sometimes an ongoing series ends up going where you...didn’t want it to, and it becomes something that’s no longer right for you. I hope that doesn’t happen, but last night’s episode makes me feel like...it might be happening for real this time.

I guess if that holds true it’ll be back to fanfiction for me. Will that novelization I planned ages ago end up getting written? Will I write the best love triangle fanfic known to man? WHO KNOWS.

For now, we’ll all have to wait and see! Two more episodes left. I’m really curious to see how they resolve some of the open plots right now. :>

#when calls the heart #long post #character studies and information #analysis and meta discussion

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lindsayrises · 4 years

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Good Questions!

Running/Cardio Questions

i was tagged by @snapthistiger for the questions below:

If you like to run or incorporate cardio into your day, I'd like to hear from you on these! I'm interested in different routines. Don't have to answer all of them if you don't want, feel free to skip as needed 😊

1. What's your secret weapon that gets you ready to go? Coffee? Particular songs? Splash of cold water? Hard slap in the face?

Lately I’ve followed a very particular pattern to get ready: 45 minutes before OrangeTheory starts I begin to get ready. First I fix my hair and reapply deoderant. Then I get dressed (always in the same order - compression shorts, capri-length pants [not leggings], socks, shoes, sports bra, tshirt). Then I put my heartrate monitor on my arm and my RoadID band on my wrist. I transfer my ID and debit card into my little card holder thing, grab my phone & a towel, put on my sunglasses, grab my keys & a mask (in case I stop somewhere) and I’m out the door & on my way 30 minutes before class starts.

2. People with long hair, how do you keep it out of your face and under control? People with short hair, do you use product when you're exercising?

I got bangs the last time I got my hair cut (about a month ago). She did what I asked, but I’m not a fan. I clip my bangs back with a basic clippy barrette and then pull my hair back into a ponytail. I tried wearing a sparkly sweatyband to hold my hair back my first class back on July 1, but it didn’t stay in place and I had to keep messing with it. So barrette it is.

3. What's your get-to-the-finish song that never lets you down?

It will forever and always be “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” by Fallout Boy

4. Would you recommend the shoes you're currently using? If not, what's your dream pair?

For over a year I’ve been wearing Brooks Launch (I think I was in 5s and now am using the 6s?) for OrangeTheory. I like them. They’re comfy for me. When I run (which hasn’t happened in a LONG time) I wear....Asics Gel Nimbus I think? Yeah, I think that’s right

5. Runners only! Do you ever see animals while you're out? City slickers, do you pass any cool shops or businesses?

When I used to run I’d see dogs on the trail and birds. Twice I saw a guy on skateboard with a parrot on his shoulder.

6. Non-runners only! Do you prefer to work out at home or at the gym?

Gym/Studio! The environment! The community! The coaches! The playlists! It’s all so motivating and encouraging.

7. What are your thoughts on nodding/waving/smiling while passing other runners? Do you do it? Should everyone do it? Non-runners, what's your etiquette for saying hi to others at the gym?

Pre-pandemic, we would gather around the coach in the lobby and listen to the announcements (like, what kind of class it was, maybe a preview of each block). Then we’d give the coach a high five or fist bump as we entered the studio. I used to get to the class wayyyyyyy early (I liked to get the last station spot - #12! - with the reservation cards we had been using) and I would chat with people (friends I had made) in the lobby as we waited for class to start. During class - lots of high fives.

Now? We line up on orange dots spaced out on the sidewalk outside of the studio. We enter the studio 5 minutes before class starts. If I make eyecontact with someone I’ll do the little smile/nod thing. They ask if we’ve had symptoms or if we’ve been around someone who’s been diagnosed with COVID and then they take our temperature. I hang up my keys on the key rack (lockers are closed right now). Then the next person tells us what station we are staring on. I always say hi to the coaches! They’re the best! Just air high fives during class.

8. Podcasts, yes or no?

Nope. I’ve never listened to a podcast while working out. Wait, I take that back...maybe a handful of times when I was on the treadmill at Planet Fitness. I have no music or podcasts on my phone when I used to run, but I would always use my old iPod Shuffle to listen to music.

I love the playlists at OrangeTheory!

9. What's your favorite post-cardio meal? (Bonus points if you post a picture!)

Lately it’s been a sandwich from a local sub place. SO.GOOD! Or a cookies & cream Premier Protein drink. Or pasta.

10. Tag 5 (or more) runner friends or workout buddies!

anyone who wants to play!

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keytextsfromkh · 7 years

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Kingdom Hearts Re:coded

- Ok, most of this is probably going to be nothing but coding humour.

- Oh shit, I think this game is glitched, I mean the opening itself looks corrupted as fuck.

- Damn, Disney tech is amazing, I mean Mickey basically created the first 3D printer.

- Oh no, it’s been attacked by WannaCry.

String str1="Sora";

String str2="Lazy Bum";

If(str1 == str2)

System.out.println("Welcome to the world of the Journal. Now fix our shit");

- And now Sora has to deal with his greatest foe yet, Anonymous.

- Now loading Domain....Domain Name ”Traverse Town”

- So this entire game is Mickey and them just bringing up the journal’s source code and undoing all the //statements that have been made to make everything fit into place again.

- But how do we know Sora is a hero, I mean has the String “Hero” been defined yet and does it apply to Sora. You can’t just create random strings and not have them be given meaning. You’re just asking to have this whole thing throw back like 500 errors.

- I wouldn’t trust this Anonymous guy, if he keeps providing different bits of code that we don’t understand, it could lead to a lot of trouble.

- See this is what I hate about coding in general, it’s never just to the point, it’s always incredibly vague and requires that you already know the answers and there’s only one way of doing things. Rather than just talk about “undoing hurt”, how about it just spell it out and be clear. How about instead of trying to be C++, maybe you should be more like HTML.

- Sora, you shouldn’t be so optimistic about undefined statements, they only lead to trouble and showcase how ignorant you are.

- So the bugs are causing the CPU’s memory to overload requiring the deletion of some things for space? Sounds like the real problem here is bloatware.

- The Queen of Hearts must be admin of this domain. Or maybe she’s just a really bitchy mod with a love for the banhammer.

- Oh Christ, the AI has grown sentient and entered the real world, this is about to go all Terminator isn’t it.

- So Hades is an obstacle inside what is basically a labyrinth. Does that make him a Firewall?

- I guess String “Sora” and String “Cloud” are just part of different classes.

- If Aladdin is frozen, maybe bringing up the Task Manager can help, you may have to delete him and then bring him back but it should fix the issue.

- I wouldn’t trust him Sora, I feel Genie is like Clippy, all he’ll do is provide you with useless information and won’t stop bugging you.

- Maybe Sora does what he does because he’s programmed to do so, it’s in his coding and generally programs can’t do a whole lot outside of doing what they’ve been tasked with doing.

- Sora has been upgraded to admin and now he can edit this world rather than only have read-only access.

- You’ve become more than the system, you’ve become The User.

- Damn, I guess in this world, Roxas’ balls dropped something massive, it’s kind of hard to go from Ven’s voice to what feels like Dark Roxas.

- You say there’s no script to follow, except maybe Javascript.

- This whole segment is immensely creepy, it’s like you have all these characters who believe they’re doing something and are playing out their part even thought the reality is obviously different. It’s like a debug section in a game, it’s filled with characters who are out of place but remain the same as they did in-game. There’s something really artificial about it and not in any kind of good way. The shit Roxas is saying doesn’t exactly help matters.

- Ok, we need more of Snarky Roxas, seriously his “Congratulations, you understand hurt” line was something Axel would have said.

- I feel they could have done more with Roxas’ role in this, he’s a data version of himself who’s sole existance is to make sure that Sora is able to handle emotional pain. He’s aware he’s fake and he’s probably aware that he’s based on a Nobody so there’s like two levels of existentialism going on there and yet, outside that one fight, he doesn’t really fight back, he just accepts what he is and then disappears. With all the talk of what makes someone human as well as the idea of not caring about that which doesn’t exist, you think he’d have more to say on the matter. Then again, he was programmed to act this way which is even more disturbing, being programmed to have an existential crisis while talking about humanity and reality only to just accept it in the end because he’s what he was told to do. As someone who fully believes in free will, this is disturbing as fuck.

- Although I do disagree with Sora’s “Pain builds character” philosophy.

- Young Xehanort? You mean the Terra-Xehanort one? He didn’t appear in this

- So that’s Young Xehanort. Interesting.

#Kingdom Hearts #Mock Liveblog

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lindafrancois · 4 years

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A Beginner’s Guide to Biking: How to Cycle for Fitness

Let’s get you up and rolling on a bicycle!

Whether you’re using it for exercise or transportation, biking is a great way to stay active and explore the world around you.

That’s why we encourage it in our Online Coaching Program when we discuss fun exercises!

Want to train in a way that doesn’t suck? Learn more about NF Coaching!

Here’s what we’ll cover in today’s guide:

What are the benefits of cycling?

The 6 different types of cyclists

How to buy a bike

How to set up your bicycle

What gear to purchase for biking

What to bring on your bike ride

How to ride a bike

How to improve your bike riding skills

Bike riding etiquette for newbies

It’s time to hit the road (Next steps)

Let’s roll!

What Are the Benefits of Cycling?

There are a lot of excellent reasons to take up riding bikes:

It’s a great and healthy way to move from point A to point B.

It’s free – no gas to put in, no parking spaces to pay for.

It’s low impact on your body. There are no jarring-impact moments like with running.

It’s a great place to start with exercise. Sit on bike. Pedal. Done.

It’s fun!

Cycling has a magical ability to be whatever the rider wants it to be.

Fun, challenging, scary, romantic, social, silly… you name it and there’s a type of cycling for it. You can even change what type you are doing to suit your mood on any given day, which is why most avid cyclists end up with several different bikes.

Some Rebels in the NF Coaching Program have even used cycling as a tool to help them get in shape, as demonstrated by Kyle here:

Note: Kyle also switched up his diet for his result.

The world can use more cyclists, so I’m stoked you’re interested in getting started.

The 6 Different Types of Cyclists

Let’s spend a few minutes thinking about what type of rider you’d like to be.

The below list is not mutually exclusive, mind you. You can flip back and forth, contradict yourself, or mix and match them to suit your own needs.

#1) Mountain Biker

No one loves the outdoors as much as these guys do. If you’d rather ditch the pavement for a trail, mountain biking may be for you.

#2) Roadie

As the name would suggest, these riders are going to be found pedaling down your street. They often wear bright colors to make them easily seen by commuters. If you go this route, you can pretend like you have a sweet superhero costume to wear!

You can take this idea too far.

#3) Track

Track cycling is a racing sport where riders zoom around a velodrome. If you’re a beginner, this is probably too advanced for you, but something to think about as you gain more cycling experience.

#4) Triathlete

A triathlon is a multisport race where participants run, swim, and bike their way to the finish line. They’re not a bad event to train for since you have to condition yourself for a few different sports.

There are many triathlon events designed for beginners, some of which you can check out right here.

#5) BMXer

Generally when people do lots of tricks on their bike, it’s a BMX bike.

BMX is an abbreviation for bicycle motocross or bike motocross and were originally modeled after dirtbikes (minus the engine). They’re popular with kids, but also good for adults who are looking to perform a stunt or two.

#6) Casual Rider

This is, in my opinion, the easiest way to get started.Just do whatever you want to on a bike and enjoy yourself in the process.

Sounds simple, right? It is!

How to Buy a Bike

Truth be told, the best bike for you to buy is whatever one you like the best.

I think it’s wise to get a bike shop’s help in buying a bike that fits you. Even though you can adjust your bicycle to fit (more on this next section), it could still be potentially too large or small. Here’s how to find a bike shop in your area.

If you are going to select a bike on your own, you’ll want to consider its height:

If the bike has a horizontal tube, you should have about one to two-inch clearance from your crotch to the top tube, when standing over the bike.

If the bike has a sloping top tube, you’ll want at least two-inch clearance.

Shown here from REI’s guide to bike fitting:

Now, bikes do cost money. Expect to spend a few hundred bucks minimum at your bike shop. You don’t have to spend thousands, but you’ll have more fun on a decent bike than a heavy, crappy one from a department store.

If you must buy as cheaply as possible, in my opinion, most people are best served with a steel-framed 80’s road bike. They’re cheap, nearly indestructible, and easy to find on Craigslist.

Don’t be afraid to make counter offers and haggle a bit.

You can also search the bike on Bicycle Blue Book to make sure you’re getting a fair deal.

If you do buy a used road bike, steer away from 27” wheels, since 26” have become standard and will be easier to replace.

Lots of people get mountain bikes for their first bike, and I think it’s a mistake unless you plan on riding through dirt. They are heavy and slow because they’re meant for trail riding on mountains. There’s also a cheaper bike option called bikesdirect.com. They sell off-brand frames with name brand components, and seem to have good customer service. Remember: get the bike you like. If you like it you’ll ride it. Keep that in mind as you’re reading the flame wars and conflicting advice. After all, it’s just bikes. It ain’t rocket surgery.

How to Setup Your Bicycle

While a professional at a bike shop can be a lifesaver when it comes to proper setup, you can totally do it yourself too.

#1) Saddle Height

A “good enough” way to determine proper seat height is the heel-to-pedal method. It might help to have someone hold your bike while doing this.

Take a seat, then have one pedal go completely down in the six o’clock position. Your knee should be completely straight here when making contact to this low pedal.

If your knee is bent, you need to increase the saddle height. If you lose contact with the pedal, lower your seat.

#2) Saddle Angle

For the most part, you’re going to want your seat angled so it’s parallel to the ground. Try this first, then you can adjust it slightly if you find different positions more comfortable.

#3) Handlebar Reach

While handlebar reach can be a bit more personal, in general you don’t want to strain yourself to control the bike.

When seated, you should easily be able to reach the brakes and shifters. Your elbows should have a slight bend, not locked. Adjust your seat first, get that dialed in, then adjust the bars themselves for your ideal setting.

What Gear to Purchase for Biking

After initially purchasing a bike, there are a few other things you should consider.

#1) Helmet – In my opinion, it is imperative to own and wear a helmet when cycling. I don’t think it should be a law that everyone has to, but I think everyone should of his own volition anyway.

What kind of helmet should you buy? Giro, Bell, and Specialized all make good helmets. Try a few on and get a bike shop’s help with how it should fit.

#2) U-Lock – One of the most awesome things about riding bikes to get places is that you don’t have to park a car. You can just ride right up to the place, lock your bike, and go inside. You will need a lock if you’d like your bike to be there when you come out, though. Read up on locking strategy here.

#3) Blinky Lights – Get yourself a good set of blinky lights for your bike.

I like the Blackburn Flea set, but also own the Spok LED light set, and the Planet Bike Superflash rear light. All are fine choices.

Outside has the unmitigated gaul of getting dark without our consent. It’s wise to have lights in these cases, so that you can be as visible as possible on the roadway.

#4) Clippy Shoes – If you’re going to ride often, eventually it’s wise to switch to clipless pedals and shoes. If you’re worried that they’ll make you fall over, rest assured. You will definitely fall over in them at least once. It’s called a zero mile per hour fall, and it’s a rite of passage. It’s also completely worth it.

#5) Lycra – If you’re doing any amount of riding at all, I recommend getting yourself a pair of bibs. Cycling shorts are nice too (they both have a chamois) but bib shorts are the ultimate in comfort.

What to Bring on Your Bike Ride

When setting off on a ride, carry these things:

A spare tube

Tire levers

A CO2 inflate

A Master Link

A spare cylinder of CO2

$20.

Everything except the tube fits nicely into a little canvas bag that can slip into a center jersey pocket, which eliminates the need for a seat bag, which has a tendency to fall apart after a few hundred miles.

Don’t buy an expensive bike tool to carry on your rides. Any repair you can’t do with the above kit is a ride ender. Take a cab with the $20 instead and spend your tool budget on nice tools to keep at home if you want to wrench on your bike.

Also don’t buy a frame pump or mini pump – they don’t work well at all. Get a floor pump for home and carry CO2 with you.

How to Ride a Bike

Turn pedals.

Don’t hit anything or fall off.

Kidding.

Here’s exactly how to ride a bike:

youtube

Let’s explain some more tips for smooth bike riding:

#1) Use your rear brake to check your speed and your front one only if you really want to stop. If you grab a handful of front brake on a modern bike it might become a catapult.

#2) Remember when I said clippy shoes were worth it? It’s because they allow you to apply power throughout the whole revolution of the pedal, and to use your whole leg and butt to apply said power. They’re awesome.

#3) Keep in mind also that it’s more efficient to spin than to mash. This means that you’ll be able to deliver more power for longer if you ride in a smaller, easier gear at higher cadence (RPM) than in a bigger, harder gear at slower cadence. Ideal cadence is said to be 90rpm or so, which is the exact tempo of Cake’s song The Distance.

youtube

One foot should make a revolution for each beat of the song, or in other words, your foot is a quarter note. Your other foot will be offset, of course, so as a pair your feet will play eighth notes. And you didn’t even know you were a musician!

#4) Your body should be pretty much still when you’re riding. Your knees should be in line between your hip and ankle, not out as if you’re trying to climb a pole:

youtube

How to Improve Your Bike Riding Skills

Cycling is beautiful and amazing, but the best cycling is also social.

Having some friends who are into it will help keep you into it. Mind you, it is ten buh-jillion times easier to meet people who already like things you want to do than to convert people you already like into doing something new.

So, go do your local group ride. There’s guaranteed to be a beginner one near you that runs out of a bike shop. Ask at the bike shop once you feel comfortable returning.

Yay for socializing!

You can also check out Meetup for a riding group.

Bike Riding Etiquette for Newbies

There’s a tendency for new riders to want to express their liberation from the metal cage of the automobile through a certain free-spirited attitude toward traffic laws.

Please don’t do this.

Whatever we do while riding in traffic will be remembered by every driver who sees us and counted either for or against cycling as a whole in that driver’s mind.

Many new riders adopted a Me-Vs-Cars attitude, and it’s always a mistake.

Figure out what the laws regarding cyclists on the road are in your area and follow them always! Google “bicycling laws + [ your state ]”

You’ll also have a much easier time in traffic when you ride like traffic.

It’s Time to Hit the Road (Next Steps)

Above all, remember that cycling is a fun, social activity.

Wave to other riders. Say hello to them when you pass them. They’re nice folks! Well, except “serious” roadies, of course, but only other roadies listen to them!

Okay, that’s about it for this guide.

Find a bike, wear a helmet, and get ready to roll:

If you want to continue your journey with Nerd Fitness, there are three great options for you.

Option #1) If you want a professional coach in your pocket, who can do video form checks, provide feedback, and adjust your workouts based on the equipment you have available, check out our Online Coaching Program!

Some of our clients are avid cyclists and their coaches design workouts around their biking schedule:

Our coaching program changes lives. Learn how!

2) Exercising at home and need a plan to follow? Have questions you need answered? Join Nerd Fitness Prime!

Nerd Fitness Prime is our premium membership program that contains at-home exercise routines, live-streamed workouts with NF Coaches, a supportive online community, group challenges, and much more!

Learn more about Nerd Fitness Prime!

Option #3) Become part of the Rebellion! We need good people like you in our community, the Nerd Fitness Rebellion.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

Have fun out there, and ride safe, cycling friend!

-Steve

###

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A Beginner’s Guide to Biking: How to Cycle for Fitness published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

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lindafrancois · 4 years

Text

A Beginner’s Guide to Biking: How to Cycle for Fitness

Let’s get you up and rolling on a bicycle!

Whether you’re using it for exercise or transportation, biking is a great way to stay active and explore the world around you.

That’s why we encourage it in our Online Coaching Program when we discuss fun exercises!

Want to train in a way that doesn’t suck? Learn more about NF Coaching!

Here’s what we’ll cover in today’s guide:

What are the benefits of cycling?

The 6 different types of cyclists

How to buy a bike

How to set up your bicycle

What gear to purchase for biking

What to bring on your bike ride

How to ride a bike

How to improve your bike riding skills

Bike riding etiquette for newbies

It’s time to hit the road (Next steps)

Let’s roll!

What Are the Benefits of Cycling?

There are a lot of excellent reasons to take up riding bikes:

It’s a great and healthy way to move from point A to point B.

It’s free – no gas to put in, no parking spaces to pay for.

It’s low impact on your body. There are no jarring-impact moments like with running.

It’s a great place to start with exercise. Sit on bike. Pedal. Done.

It’s fun!

Cycling has a magical ability to be whatever the rider wants it to be.

Some Rebels in the NF Coaching Program have even used cycling as a tool to help them get in shape, as demonstrated by Kyle here:

Note: Kyle also switched up his diet for his result.

The world can use more cyclists, so I’m stoked you’re interested in getting started.

The 6 Different Types of Cyclists

Let’s spend a few minutes thinking about what type of rider you’d like to be.

The below list is not mutually exclusive, mind you. You can flip back and forth, contradict yourself, or mix and match them to suit your own needs.

#1) Mountain Biker

No one loves the outdoors as much as these guys do. If you’d rather ditch the pavement for a trail, mountain biking may be for you.

#2) Roadie

You can take this idea too far.

#3) Track

Track cycling is a racing sport where riders zoom around a velodrome. If you’re a beginner, this is probably too advanced for you, but something to think about as you gain more cycling experience.

#4) Triathlete

There are many triathlon events designed for beginners, some of which you can check out right here.

#5) BMXer

Generally when people do lots of tricks on their bike, it’s a BMX bike.

#6) Casual Rider

This is, in my opinion, the easiest way to get started.Just do whatever you want to on a bike and enjoy yourself in the process.

Sounds simple, right? It is!

How to Buy a Bike

Truth be told, the best bike for you to buy is whatever one you like the best.

If you are going to select a bike on your own, you’ll want to consider its height:

If the bike has a horizontal tube, you should have about one to two-inch clearance from your crotch to the top tube, when standing over the bike.

If the bike has a sloping top tube, you’ll want at least two-inch clearance.

Shown here from REI’s guide to bike fitting:

If you must buy as cheaply as possible, in my opinion, most people are best served with a steel-framed 80’s road bike. They’re cheap, nearly indestructible, and easy to find on Craigslist.

Don’t be afraid to make counter offers and haggle a bit.

You can also search the bike on Bicycle Blue Book to make sure you’re getting a fair deal.

If you do buy a used road bike, steer away from 27” wheels, since 26” have become standard and will be easier to replace.

How to Setup Your Bicycle

While a professional at a bike shop can be a lifesaver when it comes to proper setup, you can totally do it yourself too.

#1) Saddle Height

A “good enough” way to determine proper seat height is the heel-to-pedal method. It might help to have someone hold your bike while doing this.

Take a seat, then have one pedal go completely down in the six o’clock position. Your knee should be completely straight here when making contact to this low pedal.

If your knee is bent, you need to increase the saddle height. If you lose contact with the pedal, lower your seat.

#2) Saddle Angle

For the most part, you’re going to want your seat angled so it’s parallel to the ground. Try this first, then you can adjust it slightly if you find different positions more comfortable.

#3) Handlebar Reach

While handlebar reach can be a bit more personal, in general you don’t want to strain yourself to control the bike.

What Gear to Purchase for Biking

After initially purchasing a bike, there are a few other things you should consider.

#1) Helmet – In my opinion, it is imperative to own and wear a helmet when cycling. I don’t think it should be a law that everyone has to, but I think everyone should of his own volition anyway.

What kind of helmet should you buy? Giro, Bell, and Specialized all make good helmets. Try a few on and get a bike shop’s help with how it should fit.

#3) Blinky Lights – Get yourself a good set of blinky lights for your bike.

I like the Blackburn Flea set, but also own the Spok LED light set, and the Planet Bike Superflash rear light. All are fine choices.

Outside has the unmitigated gaul of getting dark without our consent. It’s wise to have lights in these cases, so that you can be as visible as possible on the roadway.

What to Bring on Your Bike Ride

When setting off on a ride, carry these things:

A spare tube

Tire levers

A CO2 inflate

A Master Link

A spare cylinder of CO2

$20.

Also don’t buy a frame pump or mini pump – they don’t work well at all. Get a floor pump for home and carry CO2 with you.

How to Ride a Bike

Turn pedals.

Don’t hit anything or fall off.

Kidding.

Here’s exactly how to ride a bike:

youtube

Let’s explain some more tips for smooth bike riding:

#1) Use your rear brake to check your speed and your front one only if you really want to stop. If you grab a handful of front brake on a modern bike it might become a catapult.

youtube

#4) Your body should be pretty much still when you’re riding. Your knees should be in line between your hip and ankle, not out as if you’re trying to climb a pole:

youtube

How to Improve Your Bike Riding Skills

Cycling is beautiful and amazing, but the best cycling is also social.

So, go do your local group ride. There’s guaranteed to be a beginner one near you that runs out of a bike shop. Ask at the bike shop once you feel comfortable returning.

Yay for socializing!

You can also check out Meetup for a riding group.

Bike Riding Etiquette for Newbies

There’s a tendency for new riders to want to express their liberation from the metal cage of the automobile through a certain free-spirited attitude toward traffic laws.

Please don’t do this.

Whatever we do while riding in traffic will be remembered by every driver who sees us and counted either for or against cycling as a whole in that driver’s mind.

Many new riders adopted a Me-Vs-Cars attitude, and it’s always a mistake.

Figure out what the laws regarding cyclists on the road are in your area and follow them always! Google “bicycling laws + [ your state ]”

You’ll also have a much easier time in traffic when you ride like traffic.

It’s Time to Hit the Road (Next Steps)

Above all, remember that cycling is a fun, social activity.

Wave to other riders. Say hello to them when you pass them. They’re nice folks! Well, except “serious” roadies, of course, but only other roadies listen to them!

Okay, that’s about it for this guide.

Find a bike, wear a helmet, and get ready to roll:

If you want to continue your journey with Nerd Fitness, there are three great options for you.

Some of our clients are avid cyclists and their coaches design workouts around their biking schedule:

Our coaching program changes lives. Learn how!

2) Exercising at home and need a plan to follow? Have questions you need answered? Join Nerd Fitness Prime!

Nerd Fitness Prime is our premium membership program that contains at-home exercise routines, live-streamed workouts with NF Coaches, a supportive online community, group challenges, and much more!

Learn more about Nerd Fitness Prime!

Option #3) Become part of the Rebellion! We need good people like you in our community, the Nerd Fitness Rebellion.

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

Have fun out there, and ride safe, cycling friend!

-Steve

###

photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo, photo

A Beginner’s Guide to Biking: How to Cycle for Fitness published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

0 notes