#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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Quick Thoughts on Season 2 Episode 2
Spoilers if you haven't watched btw
Also for those unfamiliar with my blog, I'm not an anti, these are my genuine feelings on a show that is incredibly important to me.
I'm just gonna touch on a couple points rather than review everything since I'm very busy today, but I am pretty mixed on the episode which is extremely unfortunate given how I thought episode 1 was absolutely fantastic this season, and it has to do with how they treated information from previous episodes in this one.
Before we go on: love the Stolas human design. He's handsome. This is not surprising coming from a Stolas stan. Also, animation is still good. Not as good as some of the previous few episodes but it's still good!
Let's start with the bad. This very nearly completely ruined the episode for me: Stolas and Blitz. What the hell happened between now and the last episode that apparently completely wiped their relational conflict away? We are right back to episode 7 where Stolas is upset with Blitz for something but is nonetheless smitten over him. Before, that completely made sense for their characters. And you know what: if we were in a timeline where this episode happened before s1e7 I would've been fine. Yet, Stolas's anguish from last episode? Gone. Just, forgotten. We get *one* hint from last episode that doesn't even seem to fully address what happened.
"Well, he seems to like you sir!"
"Okay, my dick is good, but it is not that good, Moxxie."
Subjectively funny line, not enough to save my opinion on how they handled this. I get that Blitz and Stolas are demons who make bad decisions but even with that it just feels like there is so much discarding of previous material. I still think we're gonna have some conflict between the two, we are MORE than set up for that. This episode, however, worries me that they (Spindlehorse) are taking it way too casually, and when we reach a climax between the imp and the Goetia, we're either running into tonal whiplash or a dismissal of previous information. I'm worried, I won't lie. I don't like that tonal whiplash is the best option. I personally related to so much of what Blitz and Stolas were like with each other and if it's thrown out the window I'll be crushed. The plot here with Blitz being mistaken for a celebrity also felt weak to me. I mostly liked it for when Blitz had a crisis about Loona which I describe as a highlight below.
Next, the handling of the setting. It felt like a whirlwind of all the stereotypes I've heard of Los Angeles growing up in the Bay Area of California. It just wasn't very appealing to me comedy-wise. I don't think all the jokes landed as they usually have for me in the show. I liked Loona searching everywhere through Sinstagram and recognizing some of those landmarks I'm familiar with.
On to the good! Speaking of Loona!! Holy shit! Huge highlight for me was Octavia and Loona talking. It's clear that fans wanted this, and while it's difficult for Loona to relate to Octavia on a royal level, Loona analyzing her own relationship with Blitz to relate to Octavia was a wonderful writing decision. Using that as a way to relate to Octavia while knowing so little about what's going on was great development for both Via and Loona. Some great shots during this scene as well. Loona's adoption was heartbreaking but also good development for her and Blitz. Love the moment after the Observatory with Stolas and Via as well.
Lastly, M&M doing cute shit and Moxxie trying to be a patron of the arts is adorable. I love that gremlin. Good B (C?) plot this episode.
You can probably tell that I'm mostly disappointed with Stolitz. And yeah. That really did affect my enjoyment of the episode. I'm worried about what we're gonna see in the future. I don't plan on dropping the show *at all*, this has been a comfort show for me and I'm just rolling through these waves of disappointment. You'll absolutely catch me rb'ing shit about Loona and Octavia hanging out, they're perfect best friend material. For Stolitz, it's gonna have to prove itself to me a little better going forward.
#helluva boss spoilers#helluva boss#helluva boss season 2#stolas#blitzø#octavia#loona#moxxie#millie#stolitz#sorry if this is a jumbled mess#I'm still coming down from the high of riding back from class with excitement just to come out of it mixed#if i have more thoughts ill add them in a rb#so if you don't follow me you should lmao
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