i am still not over the fact arlecchino is referred to as "father" by the house of the hearth kids btw. the gender of it all

A fic request for Emily and daughter!! Where you are dating a guy and have not told her and she finds out when she comes to you and your boyfriend making out on the couch

“My mom would kill me if she found out I had a boy over. And then she’d resuscitate me, and then kill me again.” You said with a sigh, scrolling through the movie options on the flatscreen.

Harry gave a low chuckle, throwing another piece of popcorn in his mouth.

Harry. You thought dreamily.

You had known him since you were about twelve, a rather annoying boy in your physical education class. You recalled the various times in which the two of you were captains for your respective teams in that class, the rivalries and the fights that ensued. How long had it taken for the two of you to realize that the hatred stemmed from tiny little crushes on each other? Looking at him now, his curly hair overflowing into his eyes- something you adored because it meant you had an excuse to touch it, moving it out of his eyes- you couldn’t imagine hating him.

The two of you had only begun dating three months ago, your mother still didn’t know. You had planned on telling her the minute it became official, really, you had, but she had gone away on a case that night and you didn’t want to tell her over the phone. So then you postponed for when she would be back, staying up late until her flight landed, making her dinner, telling her that way. But, when she had come back you found the case had been a really difficult one and the wariness on your mother’s face, the pure exhaustion, had your lips sealed.

And it went on. Everytime you meant to tell her was just bad timing - and you needed good timing, because your mother really didn’t like Harry. Alright, that wasn’t fair. She didn’t even know Harry, she had never event met him, but you knew she wouldn’t like the idea of him. Your mother wanted you to like nice boys, prim and proper boys, smart boys who had crystal clean records and good intentions and Harry was a little far from the mark.

Harry wasn’t a horrible person, you knew that. He was misunderstood, incredibly so. His past wasn’t very kind to him, and he acted out frequently because of it. He likes to read and write and paint (he was rather good at it but he really only painted for you just to see the smile on your face when he did). He got detentions and was caught stealing (clothes for his little sister, and they let him off with a warning). He rode a motorcycle he found in the dump and fixed up himself, and he was a little rough around the edges appearance wise. But damn, was he good to you. He was caring, like the kind of caring where he always walked you home from school, no matter what. He offered you rides on his motorcycle (even bought a pretty helmet that had plastic bunny ears on the top bc you liked bunnies and he thought you would like it), but you refused. If your mother found out you rode a motorcycle you were sure she’d have a heart attack right then and there. And he was kind. Everytime Emily was away he called you to make sure everything was okay, talking as you walked through the house and double checked all the locks, and sometimes even read to you over the phone until you fell asleep. He wrote you poems and slipped them in your textbooks when he held them on the way to class, and he gave you flowers when you least expected them -no occasion, just because.

He was a boy, a boy you loved, and that was enough to make Emily go a little crazy and you knew that so you kept him away. You kept him a secret. Your little secret love, a piece of you, hidden away and locked up tight.

And that was why he was here, at your house on a Thursday evening. Your mother was off on a case, she had only been gone two days and when Harry had called you, asking how you were (he had been home for the past three days, his sister sick with the flu), you told him how much you missed him. Next thing you knew he was showing up on your doorstep with all your favorite snacks and the gesture had you flinging yourself into him, squeezing him tightly. It hadn’t mattered to you that Emily might get mad because how would she even know? She had been gone for two days, which meant she probably wouldn’t be back for at least another one. You and Harry could have this night.

So, despite the uneasiness in your stomach, you let him in.

“She wouldn’t kill me first? Or is she saving the best for last?” He asked thoughtfully, eyes turning to you. Oh you loved when he looked at you like that, a look thrown your way, a look filled with such...trust. Devotion. Love.

You sighed wistfully. “Me first. She’d be beside herself at the very thought that I hid something from her. She hates lying.”

He snorted. “A little rich coming from an FBI agent. Isn’t her job centered around lying?”

You rolled your eyes, throwing a popcorn at him. He was right. Your mother lied as a profession, bluffing that she had more information than she really did, or even lying that she was dead as the two of you foed to Paris. That hadn’t been very fun. She lied all the time. But that was to protect people. You were just protecting yourself.

“I just feel bad. I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you. I just don’t want you to feel her wrath. She’s a lot..you know? She means well she’s just protective.”

Harry didn’t know. He didn’t really get that parents should be protective because he didn’t really have any. Just a dead beat dad that drank himself into a stupor every night and was typically found passed out on the couch. He didn’t get that parents were supposed to love and nurture, and the fact that you had that seemed foreign, but he tried to understand, for you. And you knew that.

He nodded with a frown. “She doesn’t have to protect you from me, though. I would never hurt you. If you ever asked me to go, to leave, all you’d have to do is say the word and I’m gone. But I love you and you love me, our relationship doesn’t concern her.” He wasn’t snippy, just speaking softly, as if not to scare you away because he knew how much you loved Emily and he didn’t want to scare you away by speaking about her badly.

You smiled softly, taking his hand in his. The remote remained abandoned on the table that you had set it upon and he removed the popcorn bowl from his lap, setting it on the table as well, giving you his full attention. “It doesn’t but it also does. She’s my mom, she’s...I don’t know, it’s weird. I shouldn’t need her approval. I don’t. But I want it. I want her to know you, and not just surface level background checks, I want her to know the Harry that I know.”

He scoffed with a smirk. “Oh, you think you know me?” And a twinkle in his eyes showed you a twinge of fear, a fear that maybe you did. That you knew him better than anyone he had ever known. And it was the twinkle that made you nod.

“I do.” You responded confidently, and there was only silence in the room for a small moment. A moment where Harry’s heart was racing, and he was sure it was loud enough for you to hear it, and a moment where you were searching his eyes for an acceptance. Acceptance that he wouldn’t get scared away just because you knew him, knew every part of him, because you knew that it was something he tended to do. He tended to back away when he felt exposed and you were praying that he knew he didn’t have to do that with you.

Finally, he nodded, lips pursing. “Alright. Well then we’ll tell her when she gets back.”

“We?” You asked skeptically, because the thought of him and Emily in the same room had been something you had been trying to avoid for so long.

And he nodded once more. “We. Together. I’ll wear a suit and you can wear that pretty little black dress and I’ll come for dinner. I’ll knock on the door- not ring the bell because that’s a little prentious-“ you giggled and he smiled at the sound. “And I’ll bring her flowers, compliment her home,”

“Compliment her home?”

He gave you an incredulous look. “Well I can’t very well tell her that I’ve been here now can I? Besides, it’s what they do in books. I figure it’s how I’ll make a good impression. And I’ll tell her how very much I adore her daughter.” He set his chin, a blazing look in his eyes, the kind that made you think he might be invincible. One that made you think he could do anything and damn would you follow him to the depths of the earth as long as he had that look.

With newfound confidence, you grinned. “Oh? And just what, pray tell, do you adore about me?” And there was a certain impish tone in your voice that had him smirking mischievously.

He leaned closer, burning his hand up to caress your cheek. “Hmm, well, I love your eyes,” He wiped underneath them, his warm hands making delicious contact with your face. “The way I can literally see into your mind with them. You’re awful at hiding your emotions and just one look into those beautiful little orbs, I know everything I need to know.”

Your breath hitched as he leaned closer. “What else?”

“I love your lips.” And his finger was tracing the contours of your own, claiming his territory. “How you’re never afraid to speak your mind, those words of passion, or humor, or hatred tumbling from your plump lips, ones that I very much like to kiss.” And he bent down and pecked you, lingering just a moment longer to nibble on your bottom lip.

You let out a shaky breath, eyes fluttering shut as you forced them back open. “Is that all?”

He had that god awful smirk on his face and you forced yourself to look away. “Everything about you, baby. Your wit, your determination, your compassion,” and with each word he was peppering your jaw with a kiss and finally you gave out, grabbing his face in yours and crashing your lips onto his. He was grinning into the kiss, savoring his victory but not for long. You wouldn’t let him win.

You flipped positions, pushing him slightly and straddling the boy. Your lips were ferocious against his, a mess of passion and intensity and his hand was going to your sides, sliding under your shirt and running upward. Everywhere he touched was set instantly on fire and you moaned into his lips.

And just as you were about to take it a step further, the door opened. You flew off the boy, landing onto your ass with a groan. Harry was springing upward, readjusting his hoodie and hair, though it was no use. Your hands had gone rampant through his curls and it would take an actual brush to fix it. Both of your lips were swollen from your previous activities, clothes a bit ruffled, and the look on Emily’s face made your heart stop.

She was looking at Harry, and then you, and then back to Harry with an unreadable expression on her face.

She was home. Home incredibly early, and her bag was discarded at her feet, dropped when she saw you and Harry.

No one was speaking, Harry was looking at you as for what to do, Emily was just staring and you...you were standing from your post on the floor, going to Harry’s side as if you protect him. “Mom, this is Harry-you’re home-“ You swallowed when her lips pursed. “He, um-we were- He’s my boyfriend.” And then a look you did recognize appeared on her face.

Fury.

“Harry, you can go home.”

Your mouth went dry. This was not how this was supposed to happen. Harry turned to you, eyes questioning if that was what y oh wanted, if you wanted him to leave and with a mournful smile you nodded, walking him to the door. He mouthed an “I love you” which you returned before shutting it.

“You had a boy over.”

“Mom-“

“A boyfriend, come to find. How long have you been seeing this boy?”

You winced. “Three months. But we were going to tell you, he was going to knock on the door-“ And you were beginning to ramble with panic as she cut you off.

“Three months? Three months of you sneaking around behind my back? And when I’m gone you do...that.” She was shaking her head in disbelief, hand going over her face.

“We weren’t sneaking I just...He came over tonight and that was an anomaly, we don’t do that-“

She scoffed. “And I’m supposed to believe you? You want me to believe anything that comes out of your mouth when you’ve been lying to me for months?” You stayed silent, swallowing. “Go to your room. We’ll discuss this in the morning.”

“Mom-“

“Go.”

You sighed, turning on your heel and walking off.

Land of Falling Sun 9

The Aurans thought themselves a solitary people. There were very few Auran strongholds, settlements, or major civilizations, especially in this part of the world. Their families rarely lasted long past the maturity of their offspring, who were often sent off into the world alone at age. They tended to be selfish and withdrawn: self-reliant at best, lonely at worst.

Yet, they possessed a strong sense of tradition, a natural compassion for the weak and downtrodden, and often traveled in flocks.

Auran children tend to grow up with a sort of split identity; they will often seek companionship from many a stranger, but will maintain what they believe to be a healthy distance, often drifting apart from their close friends. They will seek out a life of service, acting as a caretaker or as a paragon of justice, rendered somewhat ineffectual by their gravitation towards their own self interest.

Chipper was particularly worse off than most of their kind.

Born from a father they didn’t know, raised by two mothers--Seed and Pine--in the mountains far to the east of our plateau, Chipper’s early life was typical for an Auran child, for the most part. Their mountains were tall, craggy, and dry, filled with natural prey and good hunting. A small river flowed through the base of the mountains, which brought their families good fishing. They had to hunt and struggle to survive, though the mountains always provided, and they asked for little else.

Since Chipper was a hatchling they remembered sharing the mountains with others. There were many lone Aurans flying the wilderness as well, some of whom even taught them how to harness magic--though it was their Mother Pine who etched the distinctive runes into their feathers. There were many settlers and travelers passing through this country, some of whom sought to live there themselves, despite being helplessly unfamiliar with it.

This was all well and good for years. The Aurans and other humanoids got on well enough, sharing the land but mostly keeping to themselves. They knew who ruled the mountains at heart.

At least, until the company men came to the mountains.

See, these hills were rife and rich with copper, tin, and rumors of gold. There was money to be made here to folks who sought this sort of thing. Swaths of workers and machines and bosses and dynamite and money and blood came in and out of the mountains, excavating massive craters and boring deep holes in the quiet, sleeping land. The homesteads and settlements were quickly absorbed into the operations, adding to their horde of supplies and bodies. The forest--sparse as it was--shrank in the blink of an eye, and most of the Aurans’ natural prey were overhunted and overfished. Much of the Aurans’ hunting grounds were planted over or developed.

Relations between the Aurans and the company men were tense and boiling. Sabotage and theft were common, leading the company men to treat the Aurans less as an occupational nuisance to hostile opposition. When things were at their worst, the miners were given orders to shoot on sight if any of them came too close to their work sites. Many of them were shot down out of the sky without a second thought.

That was not how Mother Pine died.

Mother Pine was tracking a pronghorn one day. She picked up its tracks half a mile outside of a small patch of forest, and as far as she could tell it would make a good meal. Perhaps it would lead her to a herd, letting her uncover new hunting grounds and find sustainable food for months. Instead, She found a logging site, where company men were clearing forest for a new mine. Mother Pine’s grief at the dead forest was palpable, but she wouldn’t be deterred from her hunt. In a moment of weakness, she swooped down to the nearest logger she saw, hoping to ask if he had seen any signs of her prey.

The logger clipped her wing with a rusty sawblade in panic. She died of infection a week later.

Mother Seed was a firm woman, and always wanted Chipper to fly on their own two wings. She loved her partner very dearly, but knew they would part ways once Chipper was of age, which was another four years to go. She mourned very briefly, then set Chipper to practice their magic. Their talent for divining water and food and their skill at warding off the elements was not only essential for their survival, but also quite impressive for their age. With a bit of nurturing, Chipper’s magic would be sufficient for their own survival.

Chipper didn’t stop mourning Mother Pine for years.

-----

Two years later, Chipper was ten years old. Under Mother Seed’s watchful eye, they had met under Auran sages from across the mountains, learning how to inflict their Will in harmony with the world around them. Their favorite sage, a boorish and matronly Auran named Meolu, was the first to answer the question that tortured Chipper more than anything else:

Why?

More on that another time, though. For now let’s just say that much of what Chipper imparts to the wanderer now, they learned from Meolu.

Because of this, Chipper’s magical talent would be sufficient for their survival long before they were of age to leave the nest--at least, as expected. Chipper still hadn’t quite recovered from the loss of Mother Pine, and wasn’t ready to leave Mother Seed just yet. Whenever she went hunting on her own, Chipper’s thoughts would turn to isolation and despair. They would do whatever they could to distract themself. Mediation helped for maybe fifteen minutes, but they found themself tumbling listlessly down the nearest hill for hours on end.

One day, someone found them.

“Hey lil fella,” said a smooth, polite voice coming from somewhere above Chipper’s curled up body. Chipper looked up to see a crouching, human man, resting a rifle on the ground like a walking stick. He wore a beige overcoat over miner’s overalls, along with an overstuffed backpack and an easy, charming smile. “You lost?”

Chipper looked up, dumbfounded. Unsure what to say. They had never spoken to a human, let alone a human man, outside of from under their mothers’ wings. They opened their mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Take that as a yes,” the man said with a grin. He reached out to touch Chipper’s runes. “Nice feathers ya got there lil fella. You do magic?”

“I…” They never knew fear like this. “I…” What if they answered wrong? “I…” What if he knew they were lying? “I don’t know…” “Hm. You don’t know.” He stood up on his feet and reached for Chipper’s elbow, lifting them up to their feet. “Your parents’ nearby young…I’m sorry, I don’t want to assume.”

This was new. Most outsiders either didn’t know the Aurans’ relationship with gender, or simply didn’t care. That he took the time to ask Chipper’s preference showed respect and reverence for their kind.

“I’m uh, neutral, sir.” Chipper coughed, their voice weary and soft. “Mother Seed is out hunting, I think.”

“You think? You don’t know that either?”

“They do.” A matronly voice came from behind the strange man as Mother Seed descended upon them, two dead rabbits clutched in her talons. She flapped her wings powerfully, steadily, casting a dark shadow over this interloper accosting her child.

“Woah woah, pardon me ma’am!” The stranger stumbled back at the display. “I don’t want trouble or nothing, not at all! In fact,” He took off his hat to reveal neatly combed hair. He brushed it, and lowered his hat to his chest. “I was hoping to talk. I’ve heard from your friends in the area that Chipper’s skill is exceptional for their age, yes?”

Chipper looked at their mother with pleading eyes from behind the strange man. He knew their name--how did he know their name? Mother Seed kept her wings flapping wide, and looked at the man with suspicion and intrigue. Was he looking for Chipper? Why?

“That’s right,” Mother Seed said inquisitively. “What does it matter to you?”

“How old are they? They look old enough to stick it out on their own--at least by your standards, yes?”

Mother Seed paused before her answer. “Almost.” She was flapping more gently now, seeming as the man meant no harm, and they could converse in peace. “They have a few more years left.”

“Well,” The man set down his rifle and hat on the ground and clasped his hands together. “I understand you have fallen on a tough time, what with the miners movin’ in. My group have moved in as well--down by the valley, a short hike west of here. We’re a small community, and we brought plenty of supplies with us.” He turned back towards Chipper. “It’s comfortable for now, but we need more hands to help grow. An attuned Auran such as them could make a tremendous difference to us, and one so young could use a stable community to keep learning.” He turned back to Mother Seed. “You would only have to hunt for yourself, and your child will be safe.”

Mother Seed leaned in close, now towering over the stranger. “You wish to take my child from me?”

The stranger tucked his head into a deep bow. Mother Seed almost fell back. An Auran pledge.

“I want to help you.”

-----

That was the last time Chipper saw their last mother.

Why do we like this clown so much?

Change the "we" for "I" and you get an usual tag I use whenever I post my content in Tumblr. And it sounds funny at first but whenever you start diving into that phrase, the deeper it becomes. So, I finally have decided to share my thoughts about this strange but wholesome attraction to this deeply flawed character. It's not something I usually do since I don't know how to write down my feelings properly and also in english so please forgive any typos (I'm from Chile so don't be surprised lol).

So...Why do we like this clown so much?

Why was it that a character precisely designed to scare and to disgust the fuck out of us ended up unchaining a series of feelings that shouldn't have taken place in a beginning?

Let's take a look at the background: Joaquin Phoenix was cast as Arthur Fleck/Joker in 2018. The first image of him as the aforementioned character revealed a deeply disturbed man. We knew the plot. A man driven to insanity after a brutal history of abuse, creating concern in people if the upcoming film would inspire real life violence. Incel violence and mass shootings, more specifically.

(the image in question)

As 2019 arrives, the two trailers generated so much hype that media needed to fuel its concern about it. Since it wasn't your typical comic book film, media basically bombed our minds making us believe this film was going to be a total disaster, an excuse to cause harm to others among other nonsense, as if the film would justify everything Arthur would do in the film, eventually. As the release date is closer, the film receives thunderous applause and unanimous praise from critics. At this, fans rejoiced and expressed impatience to watch the film.

October 5th.

People left the theaters amazed, shocked and genuinely moved by the inhuman treatment Arthur received in the film. The fear media tried so desperately to infuse in us with all the incel bullshit and such turned out to awake one of the most positive, best feelings in humans:

E M P A T H Y

The word that so gloriously cleared away any dark thoughts or actions not only proves media was wrong but it turned out to ridicule it in way nobody will forget: Hundreds of people advocating for mental illness, calling out to the kindness that could change a person's bad day and questioning how politicians and rich people are indifferent to social problems proved how much as a society we have changed in comparison with the one shown in the film.

However, since we are on Tumblr, I'll get straight to the point and try to explain why the fuck does this clown has us dying out of love and compassion (and lust).

I. Background.

As nurturing as we women are for a biological matter, we see a man deprived of a good job, is on seven different medications, working like a slave to sustain his ill mother, putting aside his own health and well-being to look for her, struggling to make his dream of being a comedian despite everyone stepping on him, underpaid and treated like a freak for a disorder he did not ask to suffer, which makes it impossible to be indifferent to all the horrible ordeal that eventually will reach the limit of what he can tolerate without going insane. It is impossible to not say or think, at least, that someone (even if it's just one person) should stand for him just as it is impossible not to feel the need to throw ourselves at him to shield him from people who hurt him or simply offer him our shoulder whenever he has had a bad day, specially when he learns he was sexually assaulted by his step father.

This horrid behaviour terrifies newer generations because they get a taste of what being a social outcast was like more than thirty years ago in comparison with today, where there's more acceptance and treatment for mentally ill people like Arthur. We see in him someone who could have been saved with a proper education and emotional support instead of descending into madness as a criminal. Others simply saw themselves being treated like him at some point in their lives and couldn't help but put themselves in his shoes.

II. Personality.

TRUTH BE TOLD:

There's something called "attraction by proximity". It is the explanation to the eventual love you feel whenever someone doesn't catch your eye at first terms of physical attraction but his/her personality does attract you. This happens to be the base of this situation. His shyness, introverted nature, tenderness and innocent desire to make people laugh and put on a happy face awake some kind of tenderness we cannot resist. This combined with the gloomy background increases our understanding (but not justifying) of the bad decisions he'll eventually take during the course of the film. This traces a line of harsh, almost hurtful contrast of the violence he shows later on the film. Once again, it is not justified in any way but it is certainly understandable.

III. Appearance.

Arthur Fleck is unconventionally attractive.

This happens to be a plus for most women. He is out of the male beauty standards (no abs, not too muscly or particularly tall), which makes him even more unique. It is precisely the fact that he's not a model one of the reasons women love him. He could easily be your man next door or your colleague or the guy you always see but never dare to talk for fear to bother him Because it's about proximity. Arthur looks like your common neighbour. He's not meant to be your typical desirable male protagonist at all.

... And yet.

Jesus Christ, he's so fucking hot I can't even---

It's not about how beautiful his green eyes are, his long slender fingers, his hair or his smile only. It's the charm behind it.

Another "magnet point" is the way he dresses. I know he's impoverished and his wardrobe tend to be repetitive but it is so unpretentious, so simple that is hard to not fall for. The modesty of the shirts, ironed trousers reminds us of a mature man deeply withdrawn into himself, love starved and longing to be seen and loved by others, like a war veteran who still fights the most important war: with himself. Is someone who needs to be listened and understood.

AND OF COURSE WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE ABOUT IT?

He's also brought back the old gentleman outfit, white shirts, red/yellow vest, red suit and elegant dancing moves and the retro style of the film boosts this attractiveness.

People keep comparing him with the previous interpretation of Joker (Leto's) whose costume appealed to young women with a tattooed, gangster, mumble rapper crazy-guy wannabe which didn't connect with the audiences (young people in general). This supposedly was to match or even have a sexy, tormented and desirable villain like Marvel's Loki. We all know how that story ended but it's the link for the next point below.

IV. Transformation

This is a particularly strong point considering how much we loved to watch the process of this weak, powerless, forgotten caterpillar into a beautiful and visible butterfly that will gracefully stir its wings for everyone to see its colours.

When Arthur transitions to the Joker, it's so cathartic to see taking revenge on those who wronged him (even when we're not supposed to root for him) like seeing his shyness fading away into a vivid confidence when dancing half naked in the bathroom, or witnessing him making way to make his name known to people in Murray Franklin's Show:

Adding to this newly gained confidence, there's another turn on: the way he walks.

At the beginning, his pace is hunched and limping, displaying his submission to violence, which makes the viewer more satisfied to see his broken yet beautiful soul turning the past pain of his existence into art: he lets music guide his moves as a way to tell the world he's a new man by cutting most of the sick, evil roots that harmed him, that he's invincible, that no one can stop him. Watching this cathartic display of euphoria was the most iconic scene in the film, following his speech at the TV and the inevitable meltdown that caused Murray's death.

Going to further appreciation, even his clown make up is beautiful. Why? Simple. The combination of colours, shapes and the intimidating glare just embellishes even more the character.

The dark blue triangles in his expressive eyes makes the light green colour to highlight, specially in dark backgrounds, giving the impression he's piercing your soul whenever he stares directly at the camera. Same can be said about the red smile and emerald green hair. They boost an already intimidating look.

The cold and warm colours paint a picture of a man full of intense emotions, mirroring it in a simple yet masterful artistic way.

Another interesting point is the way Joker dresses. Usually we had almost every single live adaption of this character in purple coat, hat, etc. But this particular version is not following any comic, which gives more freedom to creativity and once again, out of the standards of what we could have expected.

Red is a colour related to passion, action, love, strength, motivation and excitement. As for yellow, it indicates freshness, happiness and enlightenment and finally, green. Green is renewal, growth and regeneration. Colours that represent a new stage in his life, a mirthful chapter at last. We finally get to see our battered, always humiliated protagonist (or hero) descending into madness, but finally free from his repressed man who held his soul captive like a bird to fly away, to never come back. An insanity that despite being his downfall, turned out to be his ticket to freedom as he walks to the light in Arkham Asylum dancing at the end.

Ladies and gentlemen: behold the film nobody asked... But the film we fucking deserved.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

❤️💚💛

Absolutely love the gifts the bird of paradise awarded to the Xiaolin monks. It follows the concept that your greatest strength is your greatest weakness, and it’s all connected to the yin-yang theory of maintaining balance. 

When the Xiaolin monks start rejecting their finest qualities, the opposite effects them and those consequences can harm themselves and everyone around them. 

Kimiko: courage/cowardice. Kimiko will always be the first to charge into battle and although Clay is seen as the brawn of the group he’s rather reserved in comparison, choosing defence over offence. Kimiko on the other hand is quick to strike an enemy in combat and has no problem giving opponents a verbal lashing too. Kimiko’s cowardice doesn’t necessarily mean being afraid and running away from danger, not physically for her anyway. Kimiko’s problem is established at the very beginning as an internal struggle. She stays on the offence in social interactions like she does in combat, covering her fear and insecurity with anger to keep up appearances. Her cowardice is the inability to be emotionally open with others and communicate her vulnerabilities. Kimiko would rather struggle on her own instead of asking for support, she considers emotional honesty as something negative, thus refusing to admit when things go wrong until it’s too late. The moments where Kimiko can’t deny that things have escalated her fears take over. Kimiko is scared of the results of her own actions the most, from hacking and accidentally giving information away to Hannibal and the incident with Sibini. Kimiko hides the evidence of breaking a Shen gong wu in Clay’s room instead of confronting what she had done. This causes Clay to be possessed and she finally manages to communicate with the group, knowing it will put Clay in danger if she doesn’t. Showing that Kimiko is able to overcome her inner fears if she uses her courage for protecting others.

Omi: loyalty/disloyalty. Loyalty is a quality that Omi admires and aspires to have, viewing it as a noble trait. Being the youngest of the Xiaolin he ends up naive about people’s intentions, and often falls into trickery since he wants to believe everyone is capable of good and loyalty. There’s a limit to this in the moments where he cannot deny deception. Omi will become hostile towards anyone that displays treachery and he finds it hard to forgive with his black and white view on the world. Its Omi’s high standards that cause him to turn on his friends easily and he starts to view people as inferior to him in order to avoid betrayal. He was the last to believe that Raimundo went to the Heylin side and also the last to believe Raimundo is truly Xiaolin again. He still does not forgive Raimundo afterwards, casting doubt that the other Xiaolin monks agree with, Omi convinced everyone to go as far as trusting Jack over Raimundo and falling into a trap in “pandatown.” Omi continues to mock Raimundo for being the last to reach apprentice. He attacks Jermaine out of jealousy, and starts to believe Kimiko is less for being a girl, he lastly feels betrayed by Jack Spicer. Omi tries to rationalise his own disloyalty by believing the other person must not have been worth his loyalty in some way. When Omi returns to Xiaolin side he becomes aware his of actions, less aggressive about perceived betrayals and improves on seeing that everyone has value and for that reason the bird of paradise says his gift is loyalty.

Clay: strength/weakness. The greatest strength for Clay is being able to face an adversity head on and also by how he can think outside the box to take down an enemy or get out of conflict when necessary. Clay unlike the other monks can see an easier way of rescuing the toy dog in training, figured out le mime’s weakness is replicating the others actions and creating a way out of the canyon trap by Chase Young. Strength for Clay is defined as both physical and mental because the bird of paradise saw his strength by avoiding unnecessary conflict. Clay’s weakness is how he’ll behave around others, he has a weak will and can be manipulated by people if they want something out of him. Clay doesn’t know how to act on his inner strength when it comes down to his family who pushes him around and unintentionally the friends he tries to protect. Out of all the monks he’s the most likely to put himself last and prefers to remain quiet and simply follow orders, he is nervous when he gets any of the spotlight put on him. The element Earth represents the steady rock of the group and the monks will expect more from Clay because of his dependability. Sibini possessed Clay without any issue which is different from every other encounter that happens to the rest of the Xiaolin monks when someone attempts to take control of their lives, showing internally he’s weak to spiritual manipulation. The gift of strength is Clay nurturing the ability to trust himself and his own inner resolve to forge new paths.

Raimundo: kindness/cruelty. Raimundo has a lot of compassion and is the empathic one of the group, ranging from saving a village from an active volcano, worrying for Omi when he went missing in the city and rescuing the drowning old woman who was the bird of paradise. Raimundo has good reason to avoid his good trait, his compassion for others often gets him into trouble. Raimundo went against Master Fung’s orders and tried to save the Xiaolin temple from Wuya. Instead of staying hidden with the other monks and he accidentally reveals the hidden location of the SGW. The other time is when Raimundo rescued the village and the Shen gong take control of his body as a result. Raimundo likes to do what he perceives to be the right thing without thinking of the consequences of his actions first. Without kindness though, Raimundo is at his worst, acting selfish and serving his own interests. Raimundo at the beginning was eager to bully the other monks, from making fun of Omi, laughing at Kimiko’s struggles, and picking at Clay’s mannerisms. On the Heylin side, the ways he mocked the monks had gained a malicious intent in hopes of pressuring them to join him. It is only after Raimundo rejoins the Xiaolin that he tries to be better behaved by being reserved around the team, and stops himself from lashing out when Omi is demeaning him and learns to take criticism. Raimundo still has rough edges as he continues to attack the Heylin side with too much bravado in order to look good rather than thinking about the longterm outcome that unnecessary violence creates. In spite of this Raimundo definitely makes vast improvements on knowing the limit and understanding the needs of others.

Jack: honesty/deception.   Given from what happens to the Xiaolin monks when they reject their best attributes and how the opposite of their inner strength will inevitably turn against themselves, it’s possible that Jack’s gift would have been along the lines of reliability and honesty. “The bird of paradise” episode makes it clear that Jack got more things right when he would attempt to be truthful. The mystical leaf gives directions when he admits he needs help, and again the monks rescued him when he told them he was captured. Afterwards he quickly reverted back to trickery in order to mask his own feelings. Jack convinces himself that ‘sneakiness’ is the best way to go about things and will ultimately lose in showdowns by using deception as a go to tactic. He does this because he doesn’t believe in achieving victory the moral way, and to disguise his vulnerabilities. Though he’s certainly not ashamed to pretend to be defenceless to get his own way. The Xiaolin monks typically protect Jack and listen to him if he’s honest with them about a situation from the start. Or at least begrudgingly come to Jack’s aid if he confesses about a situation when it’s convenient to save himself from danger. In comparison Good Jack is overall more accomplished and better at problem solving unlike regular Jack, the only noticeable difference between the two of them is honesty. His counterpart Good Jack is ridiculously honest about what he wants and his own feelings, from being happy that Omi came back and commenting on how he will miss being good. Good Jack can figure out a challenge quickly and not draw out the situation by lying to himself and being upfront to those around him. 

Perspective: Can redeeming Villanelle make her character less iconic?

Have you ever heard of the Codex Gigas? Also known as ‘The Devil’s bible’, it is the largest illuminated manuscript in the world according to Wikipedia. It is told that a monk made a pact with the Devil himself and feverishly wrote the entire book in one night! As an acknowledgment to his partner he drew his monstrous figure in one of the pages. Said page looks different from the others, as if touched by some malignant magic. Today we know the reason for it: the page suffered the most deterioration for being the most exposed. For centuries people could not get enough of this character: The Devil. Indeed, we have codified ways to save ourselves from the metaphorical Devil – ourselves. We invented sins and crimes to tame something deeply primal within us. Freud called it id, the origin of all that which makes us tick: impulses, instinct, drives, libido. It reckons only two things: pleasure and satisfaction. If we could strip ourselves from all inhibition there would be impulse and sensation. It would be brutal ecstasy. But what would be of the world if all 7 billion of us would uncompromisingly seek to satisfy our impulses? Hell, so we don’t.

But through art we can glimpse at what this liberation would feel like. Some sort of existential voyeurism. Aristotle would call it catharsis, but what does he know? This is how some of the most remarkable characters were born, they mesmerize us by being their id – unapologetically, terrifyingly, charmingly – like the Devil himself. Characters like Hannibal Lecter, The Joker, Alex DeLarge; they are larger than life, unbind, amoral and extremely bright (and all male). Like Hannibal brilliantly put it in Silence of the Lambs: “Nothing happened to me, officer Starling, I happened” or like the perverted childlike Alex explain in A Clockwork Orange: “What I do I do because I like to do”. As simple as that. Pure satisfaction of impulse because they feel like it. When we, uneased by what they represent, want explanations or justifications, The Joker toys with us, always giving us a different version of his tragic background, as if he knew we want to give him an excuse and, in good joker fashion, he makes a huge joke out of it. They take it very seriously to explain to us what went wrong with them, because it doesn’t really matter.

While the id makes us organic, whole creatures, many attributes of it have been culturally dissociated from womanhood. The violent, self-preserving and egoistic impulses were replaced with nurturing, self-sacrifice and compassion – not surprisingly the only impulse afforded to women is motherhood (or sexual desire for the satisfaction of another). Therefore, women cannot fully materialize their humanity. These raging impulses feel alien to womanhood, something imposed on to them by circumstance so severe that it warps the nature of the female itself. Aggressive women are sad and broken, or vengeful, or mad, or sexualized – these are the portrayals we have been conditioned to expect from fiction. When compared to their male counterparts, even mild violence in a female character almost immediately requires an explanation: how someone betrayed them, or abused them, or they were conditioned into it. Rage and aggression are never theirs to own, it is always extrinsically sourced.

On a superficial level, the character of Villanelle doesn’t seem so unique. Immediately one could think of Nikita in La femme Nikita, who was a drug junkie teen, rescued and transformed into a cold-blooded femme-fatale assassin by the shadowy government group “The Centre” after they faked her death to break her from prison (Uncannily similar?). Or the movie Anna by the same writer, where a Russian girl accepts a KGB offer to be trained into an assassin in order to escape her abusive homelife. Or Marvel’s black widow who is also a Russian spy, apparently brainwashed by USSR to become an assassin. Other female assassins include The bride in Kill Bill who set off into a revenge killing spree after being brutally assaulted and left for dead, and other movies I vaguely remember about abused women becoming assassins to seek revenge, or shallow sexy female assassins with no purpose for existing other than being the sexy female assassin. However, all these characters were made into assassins by external factors. Villanelle is set apart from the typical femme-fatale assassin trope by owning her own joy of killing, by the rejection of the broken female narrative and the rejection of the objectifying male gaze. In order to unmistakably ground these traits alienated from women – violence, disregard, cruelty, indifference, sadism, risk-taking – in her nature, the character was written as a primary psychopath. Being an assassin fits her natural talents, not the other way around    

Villanelle could occupy a very special place among a roster of remarkable fictional characters like the ones mentioned earlier. She is the female embodiment of absolute, remorseless indulgence and rage, representing the unashamed satisfaction of women’s impulses, for her own enjoyment alone, with style and wit – A truly magnetic character and fresh perspective. In psychopathic Villanelle, women are allowed to reclaim these violent impulses, which is oddly empowering and humanizing. Give us that. Brilliantly, the cathartic element is mirrored by Eve herself. Eve too sees her unfulfilled and alienated impulses incarnated in Villanelle, which in turn sparks Eve’s exploration of her own identity. Ultimately Villanelle’s seduction to embrace impulse despite its danger is at the core of their electric attraction and conflict.

Thus, by retconning Villanelle in Season 3, the character no longer represents the provoking embodiment of female drive, managing to become an elevated female assassin trope, at best. The challenging take on womanhood, instead plays into all of the expectations. Villanelle is no longer a female true to her nature that gets a kick from being an assassin; but a troubled girl, tortured into becoming a killing machine by a past of abuse. A broken woman who rejects the violence instilled into her once she finds healing. Interestingly, it is not that she merely chooses not to kill but she is unable to carry on the act, signifying the deeper alienation of the violent impulse from her own self – the same impulse that once made her so iconic. This lack of impetus to kill is but a symptom of the decreased character’s libido in general: fewer shopping sprees, less savory eating, less unpretentious playfulness, less color, less eroticism, less aggression, less danger. Unfortunately, it also means the weakening of her dynamic with Eve. Villanelle is being tamed, and its well… not her best take.

We, the audience, perceive this lack of vitality oozing into the entire show, but once you shift what Villanelle represents this is inevitable. Villanelle becomes mundane, and it brings the nostalgia of the force of nature she once was. It leaves a similar taste as the brutal transformation of Alex from despicable nihilistic hedonist into a model citizen in A clockwork orange: a conflicted perverted sadness at the loss of Alex’s authenticity despite him turning into a “better” human being – ingeniously, his redemption was to gain his despicable impulses back. 

The initial character design of Villanelle was something unique and authentic. However, In the process of redeeming her, she might become a new iteration of a trope explored several times that simply reflect the current space of female characters and lack conceptual originality. Yet, there is still room for the recuperation of Villanelle’s transgressive power: a subversive redemption. By incorporating the impulsive indulgence and violence back into the character, Villanelle’s arc can be taken somewhere new, complex and truly special. A remarkable character we can’t get enough of – like the Devil herself.

Eve and the Performance of Morality

The "descent into darkness" as a format for a character arc is relatively common these days, especially in prestige television, and while it's more often played out with men than women, it's not unheard of as a trajectory for female characters. What's so interesting about Eve's development is how FAST it is happening. On a poorly-written show, this would be because the writers were rushing, too caught up in Point B to plot a satisfying journey there from Point A. But Killing Eve is basically a masterclass in good screenwriting, and it leaves us with the unshakeable feeling that this is the only way it COULD happen for Eve.

Other "descending" characters are so often ordinary, but transformed by their remarkable circumstances. They are pushed by the people around them and unfortunate events into compromising on their ideals and values, slowly shifting inch by inch until they've lost sight of who they were. And often, this is where they're killed off, or a redemption begins.

But even though she changes, Eve isn't transformed. She's REVEALED. And not just to us, but to herself. She isn't surrounded by people pushing her to darkness -- in fact, Elena, Hugo, Kenny, Jess and Niko are all trying to hold her back from it. Instead, she chases darkness. She follows Villanelle further and further, around a dozen corners in the gloom, and when the light's gone entirely, Eve realises that she can still SEE. Eve is made for the darkness, and Villanelle knows it from the beginning, but Eve is still working it out.

While I don't think Eve has the same compulsion towards violence that Villanelle does, I do believe they are an example of the nature/nurture conflict. Eve was raised by good people in a good place and got a good education, then married a good man and got a good job. "Nice and normal". At every turn, she was socialised and conditioned to mimic morality and empathy, and while Villanelle often acts this out as well, for Eve, the acting is still subconscious. She believes it comes from an innate impulse, rather than years of being told what to do and how to react. Neither Villanelle nor Eve really connect with people effortlessly on an emotional level, but Villanelle accepts that about herself, while Eve can almost pretend it's been bred out of her.

Eve's stable life and her moral framework are dependent on one another, so they implode at the same time. Staying in the realm of 'normal' with Niko necessitates a certain performance of conventional morality, but when Villanelle not only doesn't demand that performance but actually demonstrates an existence without it, Eve finds it harder and harder to maintain her home life.

Once the door has been opened, it can't be closed again. Eve is realising who she is, and more importantly, who she ISN'T. In 205, Martin says, "Don't add. Take away." And this is how we're experiencing Eve's arc. We take away outside pressure to be normal. We take away moral influences. We take away the expectation of goodness. And this leaves Eve looking a lot more similar to Villanelle than she's perhaps ready to admit yet to herself.

It's worth noting how Niko has identified Eve as self-obsessed, because she definitely is. But a lot of that self-obsession manifests in her fascination with Villanelle -- not only because Eve really likes Villanelle and stops caring about what distracts her from wholeheartedly pursuing her, but because Eve RECOGNISES some part of herself in Villanelle, and almost uses her as a mechanism for self-discovery. She watches what Villanelle does, and enjoys it, while being able to maintain the distance that comes from not having physically done it herself.

As I mentioned earlier, we've seen the "descent" arc before in modern television. One that springs to mind in Piper on OITNB. In S1, Piper commits increasingly selfish acts, but still considers herself a good person -- indeed, nothing she does can be really that bad, because she's a Good Person. Over S2 and S3, she continues downwards, until by S4, she's no longer able to reconcile the two versions of herself, so she decides she must be a Bad Person. Because of her pathological need to be liked, this doesn't work for her either, and ultimately, Piper ends up trying to do good things to become a genuinely Good Person.

Eve, I think, originally believed that she would hit some point like this, and bounce up from the bottom. But she won't. Why? Because at first, Eve thinks she needs people to like her, but she actually doesn't. She fires Kenny -- the last of their original team, the last person who knew Old Eve (not counting Carolyn, who has layers I won't get into here) -- and doesn't really miss him, or notice he's gone (eg. calling Hugo "Kenny"; they're interchangeable and missable). She wants Villanelle's attention, but Villanelle 'liking' her is different to the way other people might -- Villanelle wants her, is attracted to the best of the worst in her, is enjoying Eve's emergence from her crucible (or cocoon, depending on how you want to frame it). Eve's primary drive is Villanelle's interest in her, and that's certainly not holding her back in her journey.

Secondly, Eve doesn't actually care about being good. She's had numerous potential "wake-up call" moments -- stabbing Villanelle, facilitating the torture of the Ghost, nearly pushing the guy at the train station, Niko leaving, Villanelle killing someone right in front of her, etc. Yes, she had a minor breakdown over knifing Villanelle, but that was more the idea of Villanelle being gone than the stabbing itself, because the way Eve later says she thinks of it "all the time" doesn't sound as black and white as regretting it in its entirety; like Villanelle, she views it as a point of significsnt connection between them and I don't believe she'd let that go. Regardless, the point is that if she had a real gut connection to her moral compass, she would've bailed. Because really, her original mission is over. She caught Villanelle. She chased her and drew level and she's done.

But Eve's not done, because she's chasing not just Villanelle, but the Eve who can keep pace with her. She's chasing what Villanelle represents -- freedom from a system that doesn't fit Eve, not really.

What we have to remember, though, is that Eve has been socially and ideologically programmed for forty-five years. Most sociopaths lead typical lives and have long-term relationships and never really dig too deep into their psychology. It's doable. This is why Eve is slipping fast but not faster -- she's had a taste of liberation from her constraints, but her skin has long since grown over those shackles, so it's hard not to see them as a part of herself, and difficult to get them off.

But they'll come off, because Eve isn't a quiet woman with an average husband and a respectable government job. Eve is a chameleon, the way Villanelle is, only she's less deliberate and has been playing her character for far longer.

Which leads me to Villanelle's speech on life being boring and why it was so important for Eve to hear it. If we look at classic "chaotic" characters like Eve and Villanelle, they're often motivated by boredom, or rather, the desire to escape it. Villanelle and Eve are stuck in a world designed for other people.

The fact is, Eve has been bored forever. Eve was bored long before the pilot, when she was stuck in a holding pattern with Niko and imagining how she'd kill him, not because she wanted him gone but because it was INTERESTING. When she started keeping track of a female assassin but not even trying to report her, because she wasn't aiming for justice but ENTERTAINMENT.

Another fascinating element of their dynamic is that we as an audience are usually positioned to root for a redemption, but with Eve, we can't imagine anything more disappointing. We don't need her to turn it all around, we need her to dive in. Not only because it makes for a fresh storyline, but because great arcs are about characters finding who they are, and we have already grasped who Eve is. Along with Villanelle, we're waiting on her to realise it and act on it. Eve returning to her normal life would be a wolf among sheep, and I think Eve has gone too far. Not in that she's committed serious crimes she'd always be guilty of -- although she's getting close -- but because Eve is coming to understand she's not who she imagined she was, and any performance after this will be a conscious one. A decision to pretend. And guess what? That'll get boring, too. We root for a darkening Eve because we want her and Villanelle to escape that boredom, and escape it together, and forgetting this ever happened is not a way to do that.

I've smashed this out on my phone because I had a lot of thoughts and I'm not going to proofread because no one will actually read this. But essentially, I think we can expect Eve to continue using Villanelle as a proxy for a little while longer, until she's ready to cut loose her parachute. She hasn't committed to this yet because she doesn't want to forfeit the possibility of her old life to go back to (which is why she was upset over splitting from Niko even though she couldn't care less when he's actually around), but once she is reminded how horribly BORING it was, there'll be nothing to hold her back anymore. Because better to flame and implode than be smothered in a kitschy kitchen with a man you imagine blending up and pouring into a thermos. Better to be true and horrible than be nothing.

If you did read this thank you and I promise I'll stop writing mini essays and go back to regularly scheduled memes in a moment. I don't really do these because they don't interest anybody, but lmao, these two always get me thinking. hmu if you wanna trade theories lol.

An expressive insight into the psyche of CHERYL BLOSSOM and BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

For Cherly Blossom, it’s important to start at her childhood and upbringing. When looking back to her mother and father’s treatment towards her, it’s easy to assume that she was intensely emotional abused. So besides the undying connection of twins, her and Jason had a connection built on trauma and overcoming together. While it seemed that Jason learned to adapt and control his surroundings, Cheryl’s mind went a different route.

It’s been a scientific theory that some individuals who suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder develop it from traumatic childhoods. With Cheryl’s behavior, it’s not hard to assume that she’s mentally dealing with some sort of illness. Symptoms of BPD include:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (1)

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation) (2)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self (3)

Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior (4)

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days (5)

Chronic feelings of emptiness (6)

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger (7)

Having stress-related paranoid thoughts (8)

Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality (9)

The first symptom, frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (1) plays a roll in her in-depth dedication to Jason, even after his death (depending on the verse). She intensely focuses on the relationship she had, finding every situation possible in which she can tie him to. Here, it’s her holding onto that relationship and feeling as though if she didn’t stick up for him or his reputation, that this would only make the memory of him fade quicker.

Secondly, the symptom of intense and unstable relationships (2) plays into Cheryl’s constant need to be in a relationship with intense emotions coming with it. She has an unavoidable desire to be the center of attention, and in both her personal and romantic relationships, she’s always pushing to be the one in the center of it all. Time and time again, she let’s the instability of her home life bleed into her always present need for love and adoration.

Next, Cheryl deals with an intense distortion of self image (3). A lot of the time, she sees herself as strong, the head bitch in charge to be exact. But other times, especially around her mother, the worst of her comes out, and she feels as though she’s failed. This comes out quite strongly when dealing with her brother’s death, of which she sees to be her biggest failure. The ever changing self image of Cheryl Blossom seems to come and go around certain company. While she’s opened up in small moments to the people around her, there’s a strong sense of her own self manipulation where she doesn’t let any one else see that weakness and quickly dismisses it as a random outburst. 

The self harming behavior (4) comes out in her constant retail therapy and the standard she holds herself up to. If there’s ever an issue, Cheryl tries to find her way out of it through buying the mall, or repairing fights or shortcomings with new possessions. She also never stops the emotional abuse on herself, needing to be better, looking for a new twist of what’s wrong with her. While this isn’t a typical spell of self harm behavior, it takes the manic approach to her internal well-being.

Highly changeable moods (5) seem to be a staple of Cheryl’s character. Just like the flip of a switch, it seems that Cheryl can go from loving and caring into manipulative and being made of outbursts. While Jason seems to be the more well put together of the two, Cheryl’s emotions are highly based on what she’s feeling at that moment, an emotional compass she’s never been able to handle fully. 

Side kicked with her highly changeable moods (5), it seems that Cheryl deals with a lot of the feeling emptiness (6) as well.  Even with her twin, Jason’s never ending sibling love when he was around, Cheryl seemed to stick out with her ramped emotions and disagreements with her parents. The emptiness she feels can be seen in her changing self perception (3) and through the inability at keeping real and lasting friendships, especially with those she goes to and from within the Riverdale circle of friends.

One of the most radical notions towards Cheryl’s own internal battle with BPD would be that relating to the problems controlling anger (7). In every situation that she grows upset or angry, it seems this comes out at its finest. Her desire for revenge or taking a step too far are almost too frequent. While it’s a nature vs. nurture identity of which she doesn’t fully always understand the situations she causes, she is rightful enough within her mind and life to know that her reactions aren’t typically and/or easily forgiven.

The most headcanoned BPD symptom of mine would have to be paranoia (8) though. I believe this to be true of Cheryl, something that makes sense to how she reacts to each and every circumstance; portraying herself as the victim in every crazy and unfortunate life circumstance. It is very rare that she owns up for something wrong being her fault or taking rightful blame for any of her outbursts and issues controlling her anger. 

The last piece connects truly with Cheryl, especially with her allusions of grander to herself and her own perceptions of Riverdale. It’s safe to assume that she has Dissociative symptoms (9) in various situations, all of which she can’t control. There’s moments she seems to have left her story, left her body and is unable to fathom those moments. It’s the push to wanting to be something she can’t even imagine herself. It’s quite realistic to expect that Cheryl Blossom isn’t entirely sure who she is, just like the town isn’t exactly sure what to expect from. With a lot of her undiagnosed symptoms and their actions, she

This all together I feel is a self diagnosed look into Cheryl’s psyche. In no right do I believe that this is the only way to see Cheryl, but I believe this, in my writing at least, helps show a little better perspective. I don’t write her as typically, so I wanted to shed some light on the process I went through and dabble in for each and every reply I do.

I can’t stress enough how this is my perception and nothing more. But I do really hope this shows some insight for those wrapping their head around the character that is Cheryl Blossom and that this is a reminder that all characters have their strengths and weakness. She’s strong, dealing with what I see rattles around in her head, but at the same time still has to be accountable for the rather unpleasant actions she demonstrates when she lets her anger take wind.  

Aerith & Jam: The Eastern Appeal of Two Similar Women

February has came so fast! I thought it would be fun to a post to celebrate the upcoming birthdays of my two, all-time favorite characters; Jam Kuradoberi from Guilty Gear and Aerith Gainsborough from Final Fantasy 7. I'll be explaining in detail the surprising amount of similarities between them, why these characters are widely loved in Eastern more than Western audiences, etc. I hope you enjoy reading!^_^ Let's begin by looking at Aerith's and Jam's design!

WHAT JAM AND AERITH HAVE IN COMMON ====================================

Besides having light brown hair, Jam and Aerith share the color scheme of red and pink. These two colors perfectly represent Jam's and Aerith's personalities along with their outlook on life.

The Color Red (https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-red.html):

The color red is a warm and positive color associated with our most physical needs and our will to survive. Red is energizing. It excites the emotions and motivates us to take action. It signifies a pioneering spirit and leadership qualities, promoting ambition and determination. It is also strong-willed and can give confidence to those who are shy or lacking in will power. Being the color of physical movement, the color red awakens our physical life force. It is the color of sexuality and can stimulate deeper and more intimate passions in us, such as love and sex on the positive side or revenge and anger on the negative.

The Color Pink (https://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-pink.html):

The color pink represents compassion, nurturing and love. It relates to unconditional love and understanding, and the giving and receiving of nurturing. A combination of red and white, pink contains the need for action of red, helping it to achieve the potential for success and insight offered by white. It is the passion and power of red softened with the purity, openness and completeness of white. The deeper the pink, the more passion and energy it exhibits. Pink is feminine and romantic, affectionate and intimate, thoughtful and caring. It tones down the physical passion of red replacing it with a gentle loving energy.

Pink is intuitive and insightful, showing tenderness and kindness with its empathy and sensitivity. In color psychology, pink is a sign of hope. It is a positive color inspiring warm and comforting feelings, a sense that everything will be okay. 

An interesting part about Jam's earlier concept art is she didn't always have hazel brown eyes....

(Note: Image cropped to save space. Originally posted from https://gear-project.tumblr.com/ )

She has green eyes! Specifically, the same shade as Aerith's~.

Jam and Aerith's birthdays are only a day apart from each other. Aerith's birthday is February 7th while Jam's birthday is February 8th, making them both Aquarius. This further proves both Jam and Aerith are givers, since the symbolism of the Aquarius is a picture showing water being poured heavily from a container(The Water Bearer), giving life, wisdom, etc. to everyone. Aquarius women are typically known to be Independent, eccentric, humanitarian, and free-spirited. This is true for both Aerith and Jam, but let's examine a little deeper on what it says about an Aquarius.

Aquarius Personality (https://labyrinthos.co/blogs/astrology-horoscope-zodiac-signs/the-zodiac-sign-aquarius-symbol-personality-strengths-weaknesses):

One of the most obvious traits of those born under the Aquarius zodiac sign is that they are kind, friendly and generous, though later you may find that they are quite guarded and may choose to keep some emotional distance. Alongside this, they are quite subversive and rebellious - filled with many quirks that make them memorable characters of the zodiac.

Despite their friendly nature, they have a reputation for being outsiders - ones that cooly observe society, while sometimes also feeling detached from the systems that run it. Although they can be quite aloof, they are also deeply concerned with humanitarian causes. Aquarians tend to care very much for the welfare of others and society as a whole. This means as humanitarians, you can usually see them fighting power structures and campaigning against oppression.

With their eccentric nature, Aquarians find connections with others to be very easy to make, and will not find it difficult to meet up with friends or family members that they have not seen or heard from in a long time. Having a real zest for life, Aquarians tend to have a lot of energy and have a great curiosity for new experiences. Being very sociable, they can drift towards groups when working and in their social lives rather than having one or two friends. They like to experience new things, and will always be the first to try something novel.

Aquarians are one of the most friendly and entertaining signs of the zodiac, and thus they can be  fun to spend time with. Their eccentric and empathetic nature leads them to be great advice givers, always happy and excited to help those in need as well as to have a listening ear. They make great friends, and work hard so that more introverted signs can come out of their shells. Their curiosity with the world and energy mean that they are always willing to accompany friends into new adventures, and are always up for the next exciting experience. They are also generous givers, so if you are ever in need, an Aquarian will not hesitate to share whatever they have with you.

When it comes to love and relationships, Aquarians can be great partners - as long as they feel they are not trapped. Because they expect and need their own freedom and privacy, they are also just as giving of that freedom to their partners. They are rarely ever the type to get jealous or nag you repeatedly about something, rather choosing to give you your own time. Because they crave stimulation, they seem sometimes to be drawn to what is mysterious in love and relationships - looking to solve the riddle. Once they do commit however, they tend to be very loyal, the more empathetic and vulnerable side of their characters being open to you.

In love, they desire intellectual stimulation and friendship above all - and in partners they search for those that are not just lovers, but best friends too. A relationship with someone born under the Aquarius zodiac sign can be filled with surprises; their love of life means that yours too will be fun, exciting, and unusual.

Both Jam and Aerith are the same height( 163cm = 5 FT. 4in).

Both Jam and Aerith grew up in harsh, less fortunate environments. Jam lives on the poorer side of China with daily struggles of maintaining a place to live and achieving her dream of being a chef. If you watch GG Revelator 2 of May's Instant Kill, one of Jam's lines is "The lights are off again?" GG Revelator also reveals Jam has experienced tragedy according to Bedman's Instant Kill where Jam says "A black umbrella...? What are you doing here?" In China, a black umbrella symbolizes someone close to you has died.  Meaning Jam did lose someone important to her, it's just hasn't been stated who(my personal guess is a family member).

Aerith also experienced tragedy of losing her parents at a young age. Her father was shot for refusing to give his wife Ifalna(Aerith's mom) and her to Dr.Hojo, so he got shot by Dr.Hojo's henchmen. Ifalna died from her fatal injury and left to be raised by her adopted mother Elmyra. Aerith grew up in The Slums(Sector 5) of Midgar, where criminal activity and danger is common. Aerith and Jam had no help from outsiders or had millions of friends, all they have is themselves to rely on. Yet despite the harshness of their experiences, they maintain a optimistic outlook and happy attitude along being very street-wise.

Although Jam is a martial artist and Aerith is a magic user, there's some similarities with their abilities. They were both even targeted for it by corrupted organizations. Aerith was targeted by Shinra because she's one of the few remaining Cetra, and Jam was targeted by the P.W.A.B(Post-War Administration Bureau) in GGX2 because of her borderline inhuman gift in Ki. I'll show you by providing information on both.

About Cetra(https://finalfantasy.fandom.com/wiki/Cetra):

The migrations of the Cetra were a Planet-reverent pursuit of the fabled Promised Land conducted by traveling and cultivating life. The Cetra could commune with the Planet, an ability regular humans lost once they gave up their close relationship with the Planet in favor of leisure and convenience. The Cetra could guide the flow of the Planet's spiritual energy, this being the means by which they cultivated life on the Planet's surface. According to legends, Ancients could use magic without Materia, and had an advanced magical civilization.

About Ki(https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps2/562111-guilty-gear-x2/faqs/21874):

Q. What is magic? What is ki? A. Magic is a source of incredible energy that began to be studied seriously by humans in the 21st century. There are five elements of magic: fire, lightning, water, wind, and ki. The first four are now well understood and can be amplified and controlled, but the use of ki remains unknown. Ki has its origins in the Orient. Testament is known to control some sort of magic, and the wielders of Jinki can also control magic to some extent. Axl too, for some reason, has been observed to use something similar to magic of the fire element. As for ki, some fighting masters of the Orient, such as Jam Kuradoberi, can use it; Kliff Undersn was the first non-Asian to be able to use ki, and now Chipp Zanuff has mastered its use as well.<

Here's another source about Ki in Guilty Gear(https://guilty-gear.fandom.com/wiki/Ki)

Ki is the Japanese on'yomi formatting of the Chinese character Qi/Chi (気 or 氣, pronounced as "chee"), and is one of the five elemental categories of magic. It is the oldest among all magical elements and is also considered the foundation of all magic. It has the ability to amplify the strength and effects of the other four magics. It is also the least understood among scholars of Magical Theory of Science.

In real-life, qi/ki is considered by Asian philosophy to be a type of life force or energy flow that literally often pertains to the atmosphere around oneself.

Jam may not be a special race, but notice how both her and Aerith's abilities relate to magic and spirit energy. This means their gifts symbolize life and spirituality.

Both Jam and Aerith have sadly suffered some "lost in translation" of their personalities. I've already mentioned how the English translation of the older Guilty Gear games had taken away alot of Jam's sweetness and empathy to being replaced with being rude and edgy to be "interesting" to Westerners. You can find my character analysis of Jam here(https://culinaryphoenix.tumblr.com/post/151953570662/character-analysis-of-jam-kuradoberi). Thankfully, the later games like Revelator fixed this. With Aerith, while not as extreme as with Jam, the English translation of Final Fantasy 7 took away some of her sweetness to focus more on her spunky side for the same reason; cause it's more "interesting" to Westerners. I'll show you a comparison of Aerith's dialogue when her and Cloud meet again with Reno and some Shinra henchmen arriving there.

English Version ---------------

Aerith: "Don't fight here! You'll ruin the flowers!"

Japanese Version ----------------

Aerith: "Please, no fighting here! You'll ruin the flowers!"

Cloud and Aerith quickly retreat to the back section of the church by going up the stairs. The platform is broken in half with Cloud jumping first then tells Aerith to follow. She immediately shakes her head in refusal. Let's compare the dialogue again.

English Version --------------

Cloud: *nods* "Alright, I'll hold them off."

Aerith: "Right. Make sure they don't get through!"

Japanese Version -----------------

Cloud: *Nods* "You'll be alright. I'll catch you."

Aerith: "Alright. Please make sure you catch me."

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGt8ua68xAM

The original context of the scene is totally different from the English version. Not only you see how while Aerith is spunky, she's also very polite. It also reveals her shaking her head was because she was scared of falling. Unlike the English version where it gives the impression she simply refused to jump and be like "I'm not listening to you! Go fight those henchmen!" Lol. Jam and Aerith can easily take care of themselves and have great emotional strength, especially from their experiences. At the same time, they're still people that show moments of being vulnerable and having a great need to be cared for, protected, etc. Which leads to the next part what they have in common; the traits of their love interests.

Aerith is in love with Cloud and Jam is in love with Ky. It's interesting how both Ky and Cloud are handsome men with blonde hair, radiant blue eyes, has blue as their main color, both are skilled swordsman and extremely strong, and both were in the military at a young age(Cloud in SOLDIER and Ky in Sacred Order of Holy Knights). They even have the same blood type(Both Cloud and Ky's blood type are AB)! Both men willingly take on the weight of the world upon their shoulders because they know others, especially their friends and loved ones are depending on them. They're protective over those they care for and go out of their way to make sure they're safe, cared for, etc. This is extremely important and special to Aerith and Jam because it's something they both want and need in their lives. Remember both these women's upbringing and how it's usually them having to be strong and do everything on their own, but now they meet these men are willing to do the same for them out of genuine care. This is the main reason why the two women are so in love with the two men. Let's look at the evidence starting with Aerith.

Note: Final Fantasy 7: DISMANTLED is an official Japanese book that tells the events through each character's personal monologue.

Aerith's Monologue in the Shinra building(https://www.finalfantasyforums.net/threads/vii-dismantled-book.43606/page-2) Aerith: *being excited now* Aerith: Cloud, you came! When I got to the Shinra Building I was handed over to a man called Hojo, I couldn’t help thinking that I won’t be able to escape anymore. I don’t know why but that man gave me the shivers. The way he looked at me was like measuring a piece of experimental specimen…. In short, he wanted a hybrid from Red XIII and….oh forget it, I don’t want to talk about it. Anyway, Professor Hojo is absolutely a weirdo! Although Red told me that “the acting was to throw Hojo off guard”, but he seemed quite serious at that moment. He does look like a savage beast, however, he is more human than most of mankind. Like what he tried to convey, we should cherish this Planet. It’s just…I can also feel the excessive strain— he seems to push himself too hard. And Cloud really is a hero! To Tifa, and to me as well, he’ll come wherever we’re in a pinch! Well, as for the one-date payment, I think I should make it two! Aerith gleefully enjoys and comments on how Cloud is a knight-in-shining armor to both her and Tifa. This increases her attraction and deepen her feelings for Cloud. This is also proof that Aerith knows the real him very early because notice how she says "Cloud really is a hero!" She knows this trait is truly part of Cloud and not something he's just pretending to be or copying from Zack. This leaves a strong impression on her because when her, Cloud, and the others finally are about to leave Midgar, Aerith admits it's her first time leaving. Cloud asks if she's worried, which at first she claims it's only a little then later admits she's worried alot. Instead of saying, "I'll be alright, though. I've dealt with worse." Aerith says... "But I have my bodyguard, right?" There's also the part when Barrett mentions of needing to assign an official leader for the team, Aerith automatically says "It should be Cloud." Once again, Aerith knows and sees Cloud's qualities not only as a person, but also a leader. She has so much faith in him and continues to do so throughout the game. She feels safe, deeply cared for, and happy with Cloud. With how much time they spent together(in-game time wise, it's likely a few months with all the traveling, etc.), Aerith realizes Cloud is the one for her. Next, is looking at the evidence with Jam. In the 3rd path of Jam's story in Guilty Gear X2, she later finally finds the one responsible behind the attack at her restaurant; Robo-Ky. Below is the dialogue from the original translation. Jam's Story Path 3(https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/ps2/562111-guilty-gear-x2/faqs/20666) Jam: You hiding over there... I see you! Robo Ky: Gigigi... you found me. Jam: Did you come to get beat up again? Robo Ky: Target's battle power has been analyzed. Robo Ky: Group attack... Robo Ky: ...would be most effective. Jam: Aiya! How many of them are there?! Jam: They're coming from all sides! (vs. Robo Ky) (vs. Robo Ky) (vs. Robo Ky) Robo Ky: Gigigi... Jam: Th-there's no end to them! Even though the gameplay shows needing to fight the Robo-Kys only three times, it's conveying Jam has been fighting an army of them for countless hours on her own. She's in great danger cause she's eventually going to get worn out and more Robo-Kys keep blocking her way. But then... Robo Ky: Gigigi... Give it up! Robo Ky: Everyone present! Robo Ky: Present! Robo Ky: Present! Jam: There's all of these?!Ky: That's it! Jam: A new one?! Ky: You're mistaken. I've come to save you. Jam: You're... from that time... Ky: I'm sorry I came late. Ky: Please leave these to me. Jam: Okay! Just like with Aerith, this leaves a very strong impression on Jam for many reasons. She didn't expect any help, especially from the man she thought she would never see again. She's exposed to how Ky's the type of person to go out of his way to save her and other people. She spends time with him for a while and getting to know just how caring, responsible, and noble is. This causes the result of her attraction and feelings for him deepens. She has her heart set on Ky.  Both Jam and Aerith are highly perceptive and give great wisdom than people think, which their detractors quickly label them being "insensitive" cause they totally miss the context. With Jam, I already gave an example with Haeyun in Revelator from my character analysis I linked to earlier. She also gave provided the same to Jack-O, whom spurred her to realize her purpose and place in the world. With Aerith, the notion of her being "insensitive" has even been stated as fact according to Final Fantasy 7 Wikia and some fans think this is her character flaw. Aerith's Personality from FF7 Wikia(https://finalfantasy.fandom.com/wiki/Aerith_Gainsborough) Though she means well, Aerith can be insensitive to other people's problems, like when Barret is troubled in the Gold Saucer. I'll post and highlight the parts people are focused on. Aerith: "Hey, Barret! Cheer up!" Barret: "I'm not in a cheery mood. Just leave me alone." Aerith: "Really? That's too bad." *goes to Cloud and says* "Let's go" To get the full context, there's a video below that leads up to the group arriving at the Gold Saucer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JS9JfjixzAI&list=PL85002125B482FF1B&index=34 Around 1:43 of the video, notice Aerith is the first one to ask what happened followed by Cloud. When Barret tells the group how his hometown isn't what it used to be. Aerith says, "But how could those people say such awful things?" with her hands on her hips in disgust. She definitely didn't like how the townspeople treated Barret. After he explained what happened and why he says it's all his fault, Aerith gives sympathetic silence. Red XIII does the same, Cloud is disgusted of what Shinra did to Barret's home and people, and Tifa tries to console Barret saying it wasn't his fault. But Yuffie says... Yuffie: "I'm not sympathizing with Barret! He shouldn't have trusted Shinra." Even though Yuffie has a point of he shouldn't have trusted Shinra, Barret didn't know at the time. She just plainly ignore how the townspeople and Barret's wife died along with the town itself burned to almost nothingness. So she's basically like, "Welp, that's what you get for being a dummy!" This is the very definition of being insensitive and not caring about people's problems. It's interesting how people ignore this yet claim Aerith is the wicked witch of the west all because she tells Barret to "cheer up" and "Really? That's too bad." lol. Below is the full context of the scene, which I'm using a better translation and not the given English one. Aerith: "Wow! Let's have fun!"  *Feels excited then turns to look at Barret from a distance* "I know it's not the right time to do this, but..." "Hey, Barret, cheer up!" Barret: "I'm not in a cheery mood. Just leave me alone."   Aerith: "Really? That's too bad." Tifa: *Whispers* "Aerith, doesn't that seem a little inconsiderate...?" Aerith: *Whispers back* "When situations like this happens, it's best not to push the issue too much." Tifa: *Whispers* "Really?" Aerith: *whispers* "Mm hmm~" *Aerith goes over to Barret again* Aerith: "We're gonna go play..." Barret: *blows up* "THEN PLAY! Mess around *curses*! Don't forget we're after Sephiroth!" *Angrily jumps inside Wonder Square* Aerith: "Oh, he's mad..." Tifa: "He'll be fine. He seems to be doing a little better now." Aerith's intention was to try to get Barret's mind off of his emotional pain by being playful and lighthearted. After seeing his reaction, Aerith decides to give him some space, though she did later wanted to let him know she and the others were going to enjoy the sights of the Gold Saucer. What Aerith explained to Tifa is some people just need time to sort out their problems on their own instead of forcing the person to. In the end, it started to work cause Barret started to jump in one of the attractions instead of standing alone and being silent. She has also given wisdom and compassion to Cloud many times when he would doubt or blame himself. WHY AERITH AND JAM ARE SO POPULAR IN THE EAST MORE THAN WEST ============================================================ There will always be fans who dislike these characters regardless, and there are Western fans who do like them(like myself). With Aerith, you could easily say it's because she's the main female character and vital to the plot of FF7. But with Jam, she's sadly just a supporting character cause in Guilty Gear, May and Millia Rage are the main female characters. Yet, she's so popular in Japan there was an anime called Genshiken where a character cosplayed as her.

The main reason both women are very beloved in the East both have traits of a leading lady. Their hardworking, determination, and free-spirit towards their goals and dreams make them admirable. Their outward display of emotions and not afraid to be express their romantic interest towards the men they love(devotion is a highly good trait in the East). Their femininity and how their strength is how they deal with life's trials and tribulations rather than strictly about their superpowers, etc. Both of their experiences are relatable to many along with their optimistic nature and playfulness, even their flaws makes them endearing and humane. I would call this type of leading lady "The Cheerful Optimist". Tifa and Dizzy also have traits of a leading lady, which the type I would call "The Strong, yet Gentle" type(going into detail about this would require another post, but wanted to give them an honorable mention~).

This also explain why I love these characters so much, especially how they easily disprove the notion that female characters can only be amazing if they completely abandon their femininity, viciously degrade men to "put them in their place", be Mary-Sues(meaning absolutely perfect with no humane and notable flaws), etc. I think people underestimate how much emotional strength it takes to remain positive and being inspirational to others when life and people have treated them horribly. It's a shame that instead of seeing the depth of these characters, it's easier for people to just label them as "weak, insensitive jerks, etc." But thankfully, me and other fans who do take the time to understand Aerith and Jam know how they are.

Happy early birthday to both Aerith Gainsborough and Jam Kuradoberi~

The Walking Dead: Silence the Whisperers (10x04)

This was a good episode, but it's one that reinforces my desire for the show to end. Let me explain.

Cons:

There were so many good things about this episode, so many moments I enjoyed, interesting themes and character beats. But it's all in service to a story that has overstayed its welcome in a pretty major way. We have Ezekiel and Michonne sharing a moment, and that was nice in isolation, but it's just another story about a leader having problems leading in this crazy world. We've seen it. We've seen it with Michonne and Ezekiel in the past, in fact. We've got characters dealing with PTSD (Siddiq) and we've got a community turning even further against Lydia and Negan, setting up a cautionary tale against mob mentality. We've seen this before. We've got Aaron voting to execute Negan, as a formerly generous and kind man is turned hard by grief. Seen it. A kid wanting to be more useful, and a parent starting to accept their child's role in the world. We did this with Carl. Now it's Judith's turn.

And I could go on. So even as I praise many aspects of this episode, there's still the inevitable pull of ennui, as we retread over plot points that have been explored in earlier seasons. It doesn't mean it's bad now, it just means it's not fresh.

In more specific news, there were a few moments here or there that I wasn't thrilled about. Why did Luke get such a protracted goodbye with his buddies? If they kill this dude off before they remember to give him actual screen-time, I'll be annoyed.

I can also lodge the typical complaint about some hokey and overwrought dialogue. Lydia is a bit too eloquent and speech-y about her role in the community and what Alpha taught her about trusting people. The council is making thematic declarations left and right. The Walking Dead has always had a problem with feeling too scripted, even with the great performers they have available to them.

Pros:

I really like the idea of Negan and Lydia bonding over their isolation. It's interesting and complicated and I don't know exactly how to feel about it, or how I would react if I was in any of these peoples' positions. And that makes for compelling drama. Negan's advice to Lydia is to "kill them with kindness" which is basically what he's tried to do all these years. The thing is, Negan has been docile. And while he is still met with hatred, he's been able to live more or less peacefully among the other Alexandrians. It's not bad advice, but Lydia's situation is different. For one, she's young. Two, she's female. Three, she is actually not a direct murderer of any of these people's friends, but is just guilty by association. She's trying to form a place in this community, but how can she really be expected to do so? I like seeing her trying to navigate this. The moment where she skinned a rabbit at the table was pure genius.

And then there's Daryl. He's trying to be something of a father figure to Lydia, but his advice is to just avoid her tormentors. That's clearly not long-term thinking, but I also don't blame him for being bad at this - he's a gruff and uncommunicative man, trying to be pragmatic about Lydia's problem while also honoring how she's feeling. He doesn't have practice with this. It's sweet to see Daryl try with Lydia, and also see him as trusted caretaker of RJ, while Michonne and Judith are away. He really is a nurturing guy, even if it doesn't come naturally to him in some ways.

The scene where Lydia is attacked was actually very brutal, in an affecting, visceral way. Negan comes in and saves the day, and then Daryl is there to immediately comfort and defend her. It's interesting to see these two men do what they can for Lydia.

Negan escapes, and we're not clear on who let him go - this should be something interesting to explore in next week's episode, but for now I'll just say that mixing things up with Negan's character is a great idea. If he's going to stick around in the show, he needs to be more than a symbol of what Rick was trying to achieve.

In other story news... it looks like Hilltop has been attacked, but we're not sure exactly what happened, if this was actually the Whisperers or not. Ezekiel is at a moment of crisis, apparently contemplating suicide, but Michonne steps in and the two share a hug, and then a kiss, which despite Michonne rejecting him, isn't actually that awkward. I loved this moment where these two people could come together, share a moment of intimacy, and then move past it without it being a super big deal. It's also lovely to see Michonne practice compassion, and be able to help someone examine the darkness within. Michonne knows what it's like to get to a place of total hopelessness, and she uses her experience to help Ezekiel. We've been focusing a lot on Carol's grief this season, so I'm glad that we got this check-in on Ezekiel, too.

Judith wants to be helpful with everything going on, and Michonne seems willing to let her, in some ways. I think Michonne has probably learned from some of the mistakes that were made with Carl when he was younger. Of course she wants to protect her daughter, but Judith wants to be involved, and she will be, one way or another. This is her life. It's her world, in many ways more than it is for any adult who can remember how things were before. I'[m excited to see how this develops, and really hope Judith will stay safe!

There are a lot of other tidbits I could discuss here, but frankly I think I've made my point. This show has a lot of good material in it. I think that's been true even when it was at its worst. But with a new show-runner giving the epic tale fresh life, we might have to face the fact that the story by its very nature is becoming bloated and stagnant. If Season Ten isn't the end, I hope Season Eleven will be. I'm ready to say farewell.

8/10

You have to want them

Something that really bugs me about this fandom: as soon as you mention who your favourite route is, immediately there is someone who says “but he did this” or “she did that, though” or even “ugh, WHY.”

As soon as you say Zen is your fave: “But he’s so self-absorbed! He’s such a flirt!”

For Yoosung: “Ew, he’s like 12. So immature. And he’s clearly into his cousin.”

For Jaehee: “But she’s such a bitch! She’s so cold.”

For Jumin: “He’s evil! He worked Jaehee to death! He always makes fun of Zen! He’s abusive!”

For V: “This is all his fault!”

For Saeran: “He’s abusive!”

Here’s the thing: for every route, you have to really want them. In order to get onto someone’s route, you have to choose them over the others. And once you’re there, the route is written in such a way that you cannot possibly care about anyone else.

-

Zen is easy: he is the “perfect man.” Except for some darkness in his epilogue (regarding V), he is an great example of a typical “celebrity falls for the girl-next-door” plot. You have to look past his over-the-top drama, and flirtiness, and see what it is he’s masking on the inside. (Zen is my favourite, and when first introduced, I did not want him. His route changes that.) And while you’re there, Jaehee is the unwanted voice of reason, Jumin is insensitive, and the rest are side characters.

Yoosung: not everyone wants a boy. I understand that. So obviously, the youngest member of the RFA does not jive with everyone. But then you (and here’s a crazy idea!) actually play his route! And he grows up to be the manliest of men. Yes, you have to push past how he keeps Rika on a pedestal. Yes, if you read spoilers, you know that that love is not completely deserved. But listen: Rika opened up Yoosung’s world for the first time, was the main conduit to him growing up and becoming less self-absorbed and more of an adult...and then she disappeared. That’s traumatizing. And Yoosung explains all that to you. So, if you have a grain of compassion or empathy in you, you can’t help but feel for him. And, while you are there, Seven is a little bit of a bully to Yoosung, Zen is ridiculously fabulous, and everyone is side characters.

Jaehee: Have any of you haters actually played her route? Seriously. Play her route and give her a chance, not even in a gay way: just be her friend! During her route, she is overworked and disillusioned and so very, very lonely...until MC comes into her life. You give Seven and V a chance, but not another woman? Really? She is another gentle soul that has been trampled by life; how do you find fault in that? This route has so much to offer, and her character is more than just an ice queen. ...and of course, during her route, Jumin is the villain.

Jumin: I must confess: I did not want to romance this man. (I played in the canon order, and I had to aim for Jumin right after playing Jaehee’s route.) But listen: Jumin was emotionally repressed his entire life. He was groomed to being a corporate heir from day one. He had one parent to raise him: his flawed father. His mother was not there for him. He had one friend, V, who treated him like a human being, not a robot or child of privilege. And then he had Rika, the one woman that he emotionally connected to...and then he lost her. Do you want trauma? Here, this man is extra-traumatized. But, he doesn’t have the luxury to openly express himself, or to hide in the shadows, or even to pull his sole friend aside and have a good talk about his feelings. He has to bottle it. His mind has to tangle even tighter. ...and then MC happens to him. And she is the only one who can see how terrified he is. Don’t choose the options where MC is okay with being locked up; choose the ones where she stays because she’s genuinely worried about Jumin. Those are his true options.

V: ...you have to want him. You have to really, really want him. I’ll admit: I don’t love him enough. If I were a bigger V fan, I would find forgiving him easier. Because I need to forgive him. Everything was not his fault.

Largely due to certain sorrows in his childhood, V has the kind of personality that wants to shoulder all the blame and take care of things himself. He did not do enough before, and now he wants to make up for it. Sometimes, that is admirable. Other times, it is foolhardy.

Regrettably, trying to handle Rika’s brokenness on his own falls into the latter category. Because, that’s what V did: he felt he could heal Rika all by himself. With or without the RFA. With or without therapy. With or without Rika’s cooperation.

He messed up. So badly. It was a mistake. A big one, and he still has consequences to face, but it was a mistake.

V fans are willing to forgive him. I, personally, am still working on it. But they know: everything was not his fault. And after his route, V is willing to become happier and healthier. Not a lot of people are willing to even try that.

Saeran: ...I did not like Saeran until I thought things through and wrote “A Mad Hatter Expecting.” Because here’s the thing: Saeran is arguably the most broken out of all of the characters.

Jaehee’s mother died by accident. Zen had the power to take his life into his own hands and run away from home. Yoosung happened to have Rika taken away from him during a turning point in his life (a very vulnerable time). Jumin and V’s trauma were passive, but long-lived (they could have been nurtured so much better). But Saeran?

Saeran was abandoned with an actively abusive mother. She attacked his body and his mind. Then he was taken in by Rika, who did more of the same. He was brainwashed and poisoned.

He was not in his right mind when he starved MC.

Does that excuse his behaviour? No. No, you do not hurt people, even if you’re going through a manic or depressive episode. No, he still did a bad thing.

So what did he do? Saeran apologized. He didn’t expect MC’s forgiveness; all he wanted was for her to know he regretted his actions.

And he stopped hurting her. He overcame the elixir’s effects, he snapped out of his manic state, and he stopped. He let her eat, again. He helped her escape.

...so this is me ranting about how everyone has a right to have a favourite character that isn’t yours. Everyone’s personality is different, so it makes sense that everybody may not love every route.

Which is why I don’t understand why we all have to keep defending our choices, within the fandom.

.

..

...

...I left out Seven for a reason.

He is the fandom’s #1 choice. He is “canon”. He is cute. He is depressed and meme-y, and the internet can relate to that. I, for one, can relate to that.

But I’m scared to say anything bad about him.

Because that’s how this fandom can be.

If I say, “People don’t like Seven because he is tsundere” or “Seven can be too meme-Lordy,” I am going to get at least 2 anonymous messages with people taking those quotes out of context.

Seven fans always stand up for Seven, even when he’s not actually being attacked.

Saeyoung Choi is the one favourite in this fandom that does not need to be defended.

Not because he isn’t flawed, but because it’s the majority of the fandom’s attitude that he should be everyone’s favourite.

And that isn’t fair to the other routes.

I reserve the right to want someone other than Saeyoung Choi.

Nurturing and Empathy in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

(aka: why I REALLY LOVE. this movie)

( @mycroftumbrellaswag​ and I got together last night and were talking about how wonderful this movie is, and i was like “wait there’s an essay sitting in my drafts” so here it is)

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Love defeats hatred. It’s the core theme of the Harry Potter series, evident from the first budding friendships Harry makes to the defeat of the most powerful Dark wizard of all time. Love is what triumphs in the end. 

This trait is shown most powerfully in J. K. Rowling’s mother characters. Molly Weasley adopts the parentless Harry like a son of her own, sending him Christmas presents when he has none, giving him a place to stay, and making every effort to put meat on his bones when the Dursleys have failed to. Narcissa Malfoy strongarms Snape into an unbreakable vow to protect her son, and later lies to Voldemort’s face regarding Harry’s death in the interest of both her own child and someone else’s. And Lily Potter’s sacrifice for Harry is what kept him alive long enough for the series to follow him through school, what made his touch unbearable to the seemingly immortal Dark Lord.

Rowling distills these characters into a few key qualities--empathy and nurturing--and instills them in the new cast of characters in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. This time, they are not limited to the mother figures, but given to all four of the main characters. [Spoilers for, like, everything ahead.]

Newt's strength as a character and as a hero comes from his empathy, his desire to take care of and protect things (or people) that are small or hurt or discriminated against. He's not a typical action protagonist. Pop Culture Detective did a wonderful video about the portrayal of his character and how it runs against what we expect to see from a hero in an action film (this video inspired this essay OTL). Some critics dislike him as a character for being ‘weak,’ but he’s really showing a different kind of strength, one that we need to see much more in the real world.

Queenie could easily have been a traditional Strong Female Character™; the kind we’ve seen again and again in action/adventure movies. She’s beautiful, and she’s an exceedingly powerful legilimens. But she ends up being a lot more than that character. Alison Sudol said in an interview that “When I was first auditioning, Queenie was a traditional bombshell. I definitely never would have gotten the role if that remained the main focus because I never saw myself as that. She’s soft and nurturing, and we need more female characters like that to show young women you can be feminine and that actually can be a strength.” To me, she has a similar feeling to Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman (tanking through no man’s land ten film minutes after “A BABY!! :’D :’D”), but she really shows an even softer nature than that. She avoids conflict, speaks gently, and takes a liking to Jacob that’s simultaneously nurturing and romantic. She’s sweet and feminine in the most traditional sense, but that doesn’t degrade her strength or her worth for a second--just as it should be!

Jacob, on that note, wants to open a bakery so he can make his grandma proud. Though I can’t recall whether it was mentioned in the final film, he served in the first World War, which would be enough to turn anyone against violence; rather than portraying him as a warrior, the film lets him be kind and a little bumbling and very good at baking (an inherently nurturing hobby).

Tina, a former MACUSA auror, is a self-made woman who wants to play by the rules of the system but starts to resist as she discovers how they hurt the people they're supposed to protect. This appears most prominently in her interactions with Credence (which got her demoted in the first place). She’s kind and compassionate and defensive of him, and hostile toward his abusers. 

And speaking of abusers, it stands to reason that characters without these nurturing, compassionate qualities serve as the antagonists in the Potterverse. Voldemort is utterly without love or compassion, as are the majority of his followers. But in Fantastic Beasts, Rowling takes it a step further. The antagonists of the film do not just lack these qualities, they are evil because of the absence of them where they should exist.

Mary Lou Barebone has taken in several children and cares for many others in exchange for their help furthering her own goals. The film clearly suggests that she is physically abusive to those living under her roof, Credence in particular. But she attempts to establish herself as their mother, as a caring figure to whom they should come for help--this contrast makes her, for the purposes of the film, an unforgivable villain. 

Graves, too, portrays himself as a protector. He promises help to Credence, but casts him aside when he realizes (wrongly) that Credence isn’t the obscurius he’s looking for. This is what reveals, to the audience, that we’re meant to despise him. Both he and Mary Lou were meant to reflect nurturing qualities, and sometimes appeared to, but clearly had their own interests in mind. It was this lack of empathy that resulted in Credence's rampage.

So Fantastic Beasts isn’t a typical action film--its heroes avoid violence, don’t participate in struggles for power, and have unconventional goals. Most of all, though, the movie frames compassion and empathy as the most desirable traits, not inner strength or the courage to overcome your adversaries. I want more movies like this--these are messages that are far more applicable to the real world.

The Gift of Anger

In all the world’s literature, secular or sacred, conflict is the most essential element, usually ignited by anger. Without conflict you quite simply have no story. Thus, all the great epics, such as Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey and India’s Ramayana and Mahabharata, revolve around continuing conflict, involving danger and death, accompanied by fear and anger.

And the Jews' passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves,and the changers of money sitting:

And when he had made a scourge of small cords,

he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen;

and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables;

And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence;

make not my Father's house an house of merchandise.

And his disciples remembered that it was written,The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up.

Jesus Christ in the Gospel of John

Conflict is even essential in comedy, where it may not always become violent. Anger is an indispensible component, typically based upon misunderstandings that eventually get sorted out. When the fairy tales assure us that the heroic couple lives “happily ever after,” they usually leave out anger management. As Joseph Campbell, who dearly loved his younger wife, Jean Erdman, put it, “Marriage is an ordeal!”

Why We Get Angry

If the truth be told, anger simply happens. Watch little children together, even at play. They will have disputes and start pushing or even biting each other.

We, as adults, go about it more smoothly. We hide or suppress our anger; whereas children quickly forgive and make up. Anger just happens, but we almost always attribute it to someone or something.​

We all have expectations, as we are rational creatures with acute imaginations. We quickly get a sense of entitlement and start insisting on certain outcomes based on past experience. When they are blocked, we get frustrated and flare up. We are not content with the basics of food, water, shelter and clothing. We require so much more.

Western religions point to our “sin” nature, our innate tendency to rebel against our Creator. From an Eastern perspective, our false sense of self makes us insist that we are confined within this bag of skin and bones, rather than realizing that we are the whole of life, the whole of creation.​

Anger as a Blessing

We all admire, and often emulate, fictional characters who keep their cool under all circumstances, such as the many incarnations of James Bond. James has the aplomb to make love to a beautiful counter-agent just before being thrown out of a fast-moving airplane. These make-believe characters seem so professional, powerful and totally together.

Yet anger can actually be a positive force in the face of systematic exploitation, or as Pope Francis I put it, “structural evil.” We disempower ourselves when we pretend that it is all cool when the very ground is falling out from under us.​

If our species had been without the fight or flight response, we would never have made it out of the trees. This is the automatic response of fear or anger where we decide to take on the lioness, or run for our lives right back up the tree.

Few Americans were thrilled with the results of the 2016 Presidential election. It seemed nobody got what they really wanted, and the candidates with heart got eliminated in the primaries. The attendant shock and dismay of the public led many Americans to actively protest and seek to change the political system in more fundamental ways than had ever been contemplated. This would not be possible if everyone maintained a “grin-and-bear it” attitude.

How Anger Utterly Transformed Three of the Greatest Men

When we think of saints and sages, let alone avatars, bodhisattvas and messiahs, we think of infinitely pure beings who have transcended their egos, given up all attachments and do nothing but radiate bliss 24-hours a day. Jesus is the “meek and mild” shepherd, Gandhi is the playful grandfather who gives candy to children and Mandela is the ultimate diplomat who brings black and white people together in a World Cup love fest.

It wasn’t always that way!​

1.  Jesus of Nazareth

Before Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the temple, he had called the Pharisees, the most visibly religious members of His society “whitewashed tombs that look beautiful on the outside, but are inwardly filled with dead men’s bones.” A powerful young man in the prime of His life, Jesus spoke in metaphors and was gifted in shocking people out of their complacency. He was anything but thrilled with the status quo.

2.  Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi’s grandson, Dr. Arun Gandhi, recently wrote a book, The Gift of Anger, based on the early guidance of the Mahatma, when Arun came to Gandhi’s ashram as a child. When Arun would get angry, Gandhi did not try to punish him, but to encourage him to channel his anger in a positive way, just as Gandhi did as a young man when thrown out of the train in South Africa solely on the basis of the color of his skin. Don’t fight the people, fight the oppressive system. Love the perpetrators; hate the system, itself.

3.  Nelson Mandela

Madiba Mandela started out life as a tribal chieftain with a good education, prepared to play a positive role in society. However, he couldn’t accept the arbitrary nature of Apartheid, and the indignity that Black Africans suffered in a deeply segregated South Africa. Mandela got involved in the terrorist wing of the African National Congress and was convicted of a car bomb that killed 19 people. For that, Mandela was sentenced for 27 years to an offshore prison breaking stones. Mandela gradually faced his dark side, and developed compassion for the ruling Afrikaans as people. He finally realized the evil was with the system, itself, that ultimately served neither whites nor blacks.

Forgiveness the Flip Side of Anger

Forgiveness is the capstone of Christianity, as Christ taught his students in the Sermon on the Mount to forgive their enemies. Anger is part of life, but we are to let go of our anger before the sun sets and reconcile ourselves with our offender. This wasn’t simply an empty platitude on Christ’s part. When He was tried in the Sanhedrin, He refused to defend Himself. Even on the cross, He prayed that His Father would forgive the very Pharisees who mocked Him “for they know not what they do.”

It is no sin to get upset and angry. It is, however, self-defeating to nurture it and cherish a grudge. Modern medical and psychiatric studies reveal how an unwillingness to forgive is behind many dysfunctions and diseases, such as cancer. Sustained anger is its own “reward,” it devours the body! Consider anger much like pain. It alerts you to needed changes, but it is counterproductive when it persists.

It is no sin to get upset and angry. It is, however, self-defeating to nurture it and cherish a grudge.

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When Christ forgave his enemies, He revealed a powerful insight: They literally didn’t know what they were doing. We are all at various stages of being conscious, and when we are totally unconscious, we end up doing stupid and hurtful things.

Punishing these people for that is inappropriate. We are to have compassion, and see ourselves in them. We would say and do the very same things at their level of consciousness.

Communication Always the Way Out

With anger management, communication is the foundation, especially in intimate relationships. We literally don’t hear each other. When we pretend to listen, we too often compare and contrast and interpret what she says, rather letting her speak for herself. In addition, we often interrupt her or even talk over her.

Werner Erhard revealed the power of sharing withholds. Conflict most often starts out of what is NOT said, what we are unwilling to share with our partner. This typically results in smoldering resentment. Werner taught people in his seminars to HAVE their anger, rather than BE their anger.

If you get your head out of the way, you will find that your upset is often gone in a flash.

Over the years, I have tested out Werner’s insights and realized that he was totally on the mark when he disclosed that love is a function of communication. As he put it, when you have said it all, both the good and the bad, you will find that what you have really been withholding is: I LOVE YOU! Deep listening is the most fulfilling possible price to pay for the love that is just waiting inside you.

Never Put a Person Out of Your Heart

Baba Ram Dass served as a missionary from the East to an entire generation of Westerners, having dropped out as a professor at Harvard through his preoccupation with psychedellics. He traveled to India in search of the truth and stumbled upon Maharaji (Neem Karoli Baba), a spiritual master with very advanced psychic ability and siddhis (inner powers). Ram Dass fell in love with Maharaji when spoke about Ram Dass’s mother.

While Ram Das went through his initiation at the foothills of the Himalayas, Maharaji happened to do something that deeply offended Ram Dass’s standards of right and wrong. Maharaji had harshly fired one of his assistants for making what Ram Dass felt were very minor mistakes. If Maharaji were really the enlightened man everyone says he was, he would never do such a thing.

When Ram Dass eventually confronted his master, he received no apology. Ram Dass then and there had to choose between upholding his standards over a trivial incident, or forgiving the person he loved most in the entire world. It was no contest. Then Maharaji called Ram Dass over to his private quarters with good humor and admonished him that, yes, he can get angry, but never put a person out of his heart.

We can have anger AND love. One doesn’t necessarily cancel out the other.

Far More Loving Than You Ever Imagined

The most important person I have ever met, the woman I have been in love with for nearly 20 years, has often argued with me, and I with her. I can’t count all the times that we have been angry about one thing or another. Looking back it couldn’t matter less. We love each other very deeply. This love has grown over the years. We live within a context where you can love one another and still get angry.

We have gotten a whole lot more skillful with our anger. I am beginning to learn that she is almost always right, and I am getting more than a little tired of my own stupidity. So, I would say that we are making progress.

But what about the truly difficult people, such as President Donald Trump? Where does anger management apply to someone like him? Whether I voted for him or not, he is still the American President. I can hate what he does, and yet still love him. As Voltaire put it, “I may not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to death your right to say it!”

We can actually be thankful for the difficult people of every persuasion. They stretch us spiritually and take us to the edge of enlightenment and sainthood. Christ made no conditions on forgiveness. Why should we? We can continually bless people every morning and evening and realize that the divine love that emerges from this exercise is the most powerful force in the entire Universe.

We can even forgive our own folly along the way. The final gift will be to realize that WHO WE ALL REALLY ARE, our very essence, is ABSOLUTE LOVE.

The Gift of Anger appeared first on http://consciousowl.com.