#when the rantsona crosses their arms
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—BECAUSE KUNG FU PANDA 4 KILLED MY GRANDMA, OKAY?
To preface,
I watched this movie and I'm genuinely tweaking right now so I had to write down a very brief (lie) criticism on this film — which you should boycott, by the way.
Starting with the things I liked, before briefing my primary points of criticism:
Po's Character Regression
Po and Zhen's Dynamic
The Chameleon
I'd also yap about Lord Shen and the death of the art style and the entire narrative and pacing and use of the staff of wisdom but my therapist says being such a hater is 'unhealthy' or something.
My heart is full of hatred.
SPOILERS for the entirety KFP4 for the 2 people who care.
KFP4 undermines and ignores the previous three movies — Unwriting character developments, outright removing the Furious Five, straying from the character design philosophies and is completely inconsistent with the established lore.
Things I Liked About Kung Fu Panda 4
The Chameleon's character design
Visual gag in the Tavern where Po uses a recently thrown axe as a hat rack (made me laugh)
When Mr. Ping did this:
so cute! the little heart!
Po — Character Writing
Po, as established in the previous movies, is confident in his abilities and identity — he’s learnt inner peace, he’s matured as a character.
However, in KFP4, his character has completely regressed.
He’s immature again (such as KFP1, possibly worse) and says verbatim, “only knows kicking butt and taking names” — UNLEARNING inner peace and insisting that “…being the Dragon Warrior is all I know.”
It’s childish, and sort of Hotel Transylvania-esque.
Which isn’t helped by the comedy, the dialogue — a large chunk of which are jokes in the style of:
Master Shifu says something philosophical
Po quips off of it / doesn’t get it (i.e. Whoa!! beat I don’t know what that means.)
Oh, it’s great, yeah, very tolerable. Po’s shenanigans are normally reeled in by the presence of the Furious Five who are generally more serious in nature, creating a much needed balance in the dynamic — So without them, it’s just Po becoming increasingly obnoxious and insufferable with every consecutive quip throughout the screenplay.
Po and Zhen — Character Dynamics
[No more graphics sorry I'm too angry]
As if it wasn’t obvious that Zhen was going to be the next Dragon Warrior the second she was introduced.
Zhen, as a character, has no depth besides being a quippy thief. She quips, she steals.
This character has no motives — it can be assumed that the writers intended on a ‘change of heart’ thing, but she isn’t established as evil, her working for the Chameleon is written as a (albeit poor) twist reveal.
By which point, her taking either side wouldn’t make sense, given that she has shown no loyalty or attachment to either Po nor the Chameleon.
The movie artificially strengthens their bond by having Zhen start opening up about her backstory out of nowhere for no reason but they have done nothing to grow closer to each other.
Small tangent, her backstory is exactly what you’d expect it to be with no subversions or even emotional weight. Woe is me I was so small and hungry I had to steal to survive. Glossed over in about a minute.
The majority of the dialogue between Zhen and Po is spoken exposition — explaining how powerful and badass the Chameleon is, explaining how ‘we have to go here to do that’ and ‘this place was cool until the Chameleon did such and such’, and the rest of their time together is spent engaging in filler chase sequences and fight scenes.
The Chameleon
Where do I even start…
This is where it becomes apparent that the movie relies heavily on telling rather than showing —
She is the weakest villain by far, not only in universe but as a written character; which is particularly disheartening because I genuinely adore her character design and feel as though a shapeshifting character has great potential.
The movie artificially inflates her power by insisting through exposition that this is the most capable antagonist thus far (lie).
The audience is TOLD by Zhen and various restaurant patrons that the Chameleon is a powerful shapeshifting sorceress and that she 'dominates the city' whilst the film does nothing to showcase this.
'Dominating the city' meaning letting her henchpeople run amock and bully the civilians just like Lord Shen's wolves in KFP2... uninspired.
I just realised they didn't even give her a NAME what the FUCK is going on
She describes HERSELF as ruthless, clever and unsentimental when comparing Zhen to herself.
She says HERSELF that she’s “Stronger than every opponent you’ve ever faced.”
Let’s see what vile reprehensible things she’s done, shall we?
Gently push someone down some stairs
Her first appearance is through Zhen’s exposition, as opposed to the dramatic and memorable entrances of the previous villains. Her motives or character aren’t established until the final third of the film. She doesn’t even FIGHT anybody until the final third of the film; and even then, her fight sequences are uninspired and she never really poses a real threat. (She goes down in two hits.)
That being said, WE CAN STILL SAVE HER GUYS WE CAN STILL GET HER OUTTA THERE I'M COMING FOR YOU CHAMELEON I'M GONNA DRAFT YOU A PROPER BACKSTORY AND MOTIVE AND YOU'RE GONNA BE THE MOST THREATENING VILLAIN THUS FAR
There's a scene after the climax of the film where all the kung fu masters and previous villains from the spirit realm bow to Po. I'm not going to provide my thoughts on this because I fear I may burst a blood vessel. Good day!
Closing Statements
To put it simply, Kung Fu Panda 4 was my Megamind 2.
The film rejects its predecessors in every way. It really feels as though they brought in somebody with no prior knowledge of the franchise to direct the movie.
It's a film that relies heavily on telling rather than showing — banking on the previous three movies to carry it through the box office.
It's just really disheartening to see studio execs turn one of the best franchises into a safe sequel cash grab and regress every character's development.
Nevertheless. I do adore the chameleon's character design so I might do my own take on her character.
As far as I'm concerned, there is no fairy godmother, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no kung fu panda 4.
#creaman talks to drywall#kung fu panda 4#spoilers#I'm actually tweaking#sorry I stopped drawing the graphics because the film crushed my soul#you drive me to drink kung fu panda 4#when the rantsona crosses their arms#hating on main#kfp#discussion#criticism#kfp4#technically a vent post#i've lost it#the chameleon#zhen#po
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Thoughts on him (beyond the fact that his official art makes him look like a YouTuber’s rantsona when they cross their arms)?
DOCTOR SEX
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I wanna update my social media icons to be my stupid chibi goblin caricature. Turn him into a dreaded YouTube rantsona for my videos.
When he crosses his arms, it's all over for you!!!!!!!!
#also bc my current icon is just my oc dante#not any representation of me#i draw myself as this fat little freak bc that's what i am
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when raphael shows up and he's doing the youtube rantsona crossed arms pose again
#baldpost#I wwnt to grab him by the hair and start swinging him around so fast that when i let go he flies directly into the sun
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i cant remember if im stealing this joke but a rant video that has a bit in the middle where the rantsona is about to cross its arms and it looks visibly pained and is shaking and sweating and then when it finally crosses its arms it starts fucking screaming
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the devil’s pussy quivers when a furry’s rantsona crosses it’s arms…
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HIGHSCHOOL AU FIC CANCELLED ACTUALLY IM REALIZING IT WOULD BE THE ONLY REAL DEADDISCOTRAIN FIC ON AO3 AND IT WOULD BE FOR A FUNNI HGIHSCHOOLAU I CNAT. I CANT. I CANT DO THAT. I CANT DO THAT TO THE WORLD
#/j ..#i will...... still Wwite . but alas#i MEAN#i COULD write my OTHER deaddiscotrain fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic. so that this Highschoolauthing wouldnt b the Only on for it. but#it's too Genuine .............. too many Real Feelings#call me snatcherkin bcoz i b Not Doing Feelings baby !!!!!!#all mes know how to do is write Funni Jokes and nothing thats Real bcoz that can b called Cringe#bro u feel Feelings ? criiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinge#my rantsona is gonna cross their arms when i talk about u in my cringe comp video !!!!!!!!!#moth talk
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i HATE rantsonas i shake and cry when they cross their arms and glare at me
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Twewy characters rated based off of how much their sprites look like rantsonas
Neku: 6/10. He gets points for variety and having crossed arms sprite but he doesn’t really have the range.
Shiki: 5/10. Has the range but doesn’t really have the vibes of a rantsona if that makes sense. The fact that she has a red eyes sprite has good potential for funny jokes though.
Beat: 8/10. He absolutely has the range and vibes, especially if you include the reaper Beat sprites because a lot of rantsonas that aren’t furries look like demons for some reason. He only loses points because he doesn’t have a crossed arms sprite. This is extremely important.
Rhyme: 2/10. She does not have the range or the vibes, as her sprites generally aren’t very expressive. Critically lacks a crossed arms sprite.
Joshua: 10/10 literally the reason I made this post. He has the range, a crossed arms sprite, AND unfathomable smug energy, elevating him as the ideal rantsona.
Higashizawa: 1/10 he literally only has five sprites and they’re all at least some level of mildly pissed. As much as rantsonas are often angry, they need to have some variety in expression. However, he does have a crossed arms sprite, so he doesn’t get a 0.
Sho: 7/10, taking both Taboo and non Taboo Sho into consideration he has fantastic rantsona vibes but unfortunately lacks crossed arms. He doesn’t have much range though, as rantsonas often have at least relatively chill sprites and Sho literally has no chill.
Konishi: 7/10 as well but for different reasons. She has the range and gets bonus points for having some smug energy, glasses, and a design inspired by anime tropes. However she does NOT have a crossed arms sprite, which was genuinely kind of surprising, unless you count her injured sprite but eh.
Megumi: 0/10. No crossed arms sprite, he does have smug energy but he’s smug in the way that like my uncle is smug when he makes a bad joke rather than like a “my opinion is superior” kind of smug, which is critical.
Hanekoma: 5/10. Like his design radiates rantsona energy but they’re for the most part too chill (only his laughing sprite doesn’t really have chill vibes but its like, a good hearty laugh.)
Uzuki: 7/10. Her design is great for a rantsona and she has the range, even having a crossed arms sprite, but loses points because I literally can’t picture anyone using a rantsona that looks like her if that makes sense.
Kariya: 8/10 great in the fact that his design is literally perfect for a rantsona, but he doesn’t have the range or a crossed arms sprite. He gets a big bonus for the fact that he has a lollipop (makes him unique) and having smug energy.
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this isn't funny!! rantsonas only cross their arms like this when they feel threatened!!!
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youtubers’ rantsonas crossing their arms is NOTHING compared to when they facepalm. you really gotta watch out when that happens
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trial 5 - chirisma - indeed, we understood very little - re: momoko, SHIMURA... TWO!!!
"...Momoko Momoi. You do realise the dead can see us, don't you? In fact, I would wager a bet that right now those who you love most are sitting on that couch, horrified that you're acting this way. H-"
Hmm. Chirisma hopes nobody sat on that bottle of shiraz Chiriko stashed down the middle cushion on the viewing room couch. Anyway...
"I know you've been through a lot, but doing this isn't going to help. This is just going to make things worse in every way on an emotional level. Trust me. And, with all due respect, it's a little disrespectful to keep making puns when your beloved partner just died." says the robot who showed up to a murder trial in a stan long pengi shirt, but, you know.
...
"Anyway. Thank you for your input, everyone. I will recount what I saw as well."
There's an audible whirring of Chirisma's circuits as she focuses on assembling a timeline of the events from her perspective. After a while, she exhales a puff of smoke and nods.
"Unfortunately, it would appear that my trailer was left untouched for a while since my death- including the food within. To this end, I have been cleaning out my trailer, and was doing so until around- 6:30pm, I suppose? There's only so much rotten lollipops you can dispose of in one shot, though, so I thought I'd head out for some frivolities. Just before 7pm I personally headed to the Saloon to see what the alcohol tolerance of this new body is, but was foiled by it being on fire. Akira seemed to have a similar line of thought to me, as they showed up almost at the same time."
She crosses her arms. Watch out guys she's going into youtube rantsona mode.
"Regrettably, Mimi does not have sapience. I cannot say for sure if she lied to me or not. The easiest question would be to ask whether anyone else saw someone who looks like Shimura wandering around, but- well, that's for others to fuss over. Regarding the weapons vault, I did not go. The only two people that I saw were Casey, who was having a nap in the garden, and Akira, who showed up at the fire at the same time I did.
The burning saloon. The hacked-into framework. An agitated monkey. Someone was doing something they weren't meant to, which makes me disinclined to think that this was the work of a "mastermind". If it wasn't Shimura who was messing with those wires, is there anyone else who understands technology? I'm going to assume Oiwa wasn't responsible, unless she typed, errr... "We cock dick balling! (=^-ω-^=)" so many times the framework gave up."
And, before she forgets...
"No, Daichi, I do not trust you one bit. I hope this helps."
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