I need like. A bible level miracle of an opportunity even suggest itself to me so i can possibly start a career in something lol

Hey!! Sorry if I’m doing this wrong I am new to this kinda stuff but do u mind writing headcanons on how the p5 phantom thief boys would take care of the reader when they’re on their period? If not it’s fine!

꒰baby im yours !꒱

p5 boys when their s/o is on their period headcannons !

character x afab!reader

includes joker, ryuji, yusuke, and akechi !

warnings : mentions of periods, obviously lol

a/n : its shark week for yours truly so i thought now is the best time to write this :D i wasnt sure what gendered reader you wanted, so i just decided to leave it as afab, hope thats alright :))

JOKER // REN AMAMIYA

maybe this is biased, but i feel out of everyone on this list hes the most prepared.

like, hes not overbearing but he knows just enough to spare you both any awkward conversations.

he doesnt have any feminine products in his bathroom since its technically shared with leblanc customers and he doesnt want to embarrass you or anyone else, but you know theres always a few of whatever you need in his school bag or his dresser!

hes a very calm person, which can be very relieving, especially when you accidentally bleed on something.

you both were hanging out one day after school, and when you got up off of his bed to go make some food, you noticed a red spot on the sheets.

you were internally freaking out, trying to figure out what to do knowing how some guys tend to find it gross, while ren literally just comments "dont worry about it, i needed motivation to do laundry anyways." and asks if you need anything.

you feel like youve just been given whiplash, no way thats it, hes so cool with it?

he even gives you a pair of his boxers and sweatpants since you bled through your clothes, and when you come out of the bathroom hes got a steaming hot cup of coffee and some chocolates on the counter all ready for you. <3

SKULL // RYUJI SAKAMOTO

confused, embarrassed, and a little bit (a lot) dramatic. he tries to act like its not a big deal, but in reality he doesnt really know anything about periods, and hes convinced youre secretly in a lot of pain. (which i mean, you could be depending on cramps… but you get what i mean.)

hes horribly uneducated on this topic, and definitely the worst person to be stuck with when you start. 

hes calling ann asking her to explain what to do with the reddest face youve ever seen. 🧍

ryuji definitely thought it was a little gross at first too, but once he understood it was just a normal thing your body did he felt more okay about it.

hes trying super hard to be a good boyfriend, but hes stuttering over his questions. barely able to ask you if he needs to get you anything.

i swear his eyes almost popped out of his head when you said all you wanted was for him to shut up and cuddle with you. 💀💀

he tries to be there for you as much as possible, but if you tend to get more angry, just note that hell try to stay away a bit. 

he has issues keeping his temper under control, even when it comes to you, and he doesnt want to start any unnecessary arguments.

at the end of the day, communication is key when it comes to you guys relationship, he just wants whats best for both of you!

FOX // YUSUKE KITAGAWA

yusuke has probably never felt the touch of another human being before you so hes very… confused to say the least.

what do you mean youre bleeding? and its normal? this happens monthly? his mind is blown.

i dont see him being weird in the way he wants to use your period as inspiration for a painting, but weird in the way that hell track it.

maybe this just a personal thing who finds it weird when a guy wants to track when your on your cycle, but it seems right up yusukes alley 😭.

hes a little strange, and he just wants to help! but he also doesnt really know what hes doing, so his presence can be a bit overwhelming.

gets pouty when you end up snapping at him, but once you explain why hes a lot more aware of how much hes bothering you.

hes also willing to get you whatever you need, as long as youre buying.

one time you had asked him to get you pads/tampons, and he called you 30 minutes later saying that he didnt have any money…

however, unlike someone else on this list, hes not embarrassed about it. more so genuinely curious, as he loves learning about you and he thinks its important to know how your body works!

hell probably draw you something nice as well if it makes you feel better. :)

CROW // GORO AKECHI

oh boy, akechi sure is a character. and i think with him it depends.

usually though hes just a pretty average guy. hes not stupid, but he also isnt the best at understanding your emotions, or his own, for that matter.

youre in public, akechi talking to one of the tv hosts after hes finished appearing on a show, and you gently tug on his jacket to let him know you started your period, and need the restroom. 

hes conflicted, whats supposed to come first, you or his reputation? when it comes to him, he makes any simple situation way more complicated in his head.

he makes an eternal sacrifice to shoo away the people talking to him, and he quickly takes off his jacket to wrap it around your waist. you both find a bathroom nearby and he paitently waits for you outside.

when you walk out, he offers to pick up whatever you may need (including some food) and take you home.

at your front door, he kisses your cheek, but cant help but noticed the nervous expression on your face.

its only then when you mention that akechis jacket is, in fact, a light color, and is most definitely stained now with bright red blood. his face goes blank, and youre worried for a second he might be mad.

he only shrugs at that, same detective prince smile as always, and jokes that youre paying for his dry cleaning.

the thought of hange and levi surviving the story, settling down and having their own family breaks my heart in two... we could have had it all. 💔

yep 😭😭

but honestly??? at this point who cares about canon??? certainly not me wtf is canon is that something you eat-

as marie kondo says if it doesnt make you happy throw it the fuck out and guess what thats exactly what im gonna do ladies and gentlemen # surviving off of au, fics and fanarts where my babies are happy ayyyyyyy 🤙🤙🤙

also you know what anon imma mend your broken heart with a fuckton of cute levihan family headcanons so buckle up cause you’re in for a ride

after the war levi and hanji stop dancing around the issue and they finally get a house in the woods and live there together like the married couple they were from the start (but now its official yay)

when they bump uglies they tend to be careful but accidents happen lmao wink wink and thats how hanji found themself expecting yo big surprise

however!! i feel like they wouldnt know *for sure* until the second trimester tbh life as a soldier is stressful and i imagine most soldiers would have sporadic periods as a result of it so the period option is ruled out, also i feel like it wouldnt be realistic for paradis to catch up with the rest of the world so quickly after the war technology-wise, so same thing goes for the medical field with pregnancy tests and whatnot; basically i feel like the only way for hanjo to know would be actually the moment their body starts to change. of course hanjo is fucking TERRIFIED but tells levi right away so they can work the situation out together like they do for everything COMMUNICATION IS KEY MY LOVELIES

anyway the big reveal would go something like this lmao them sitting at the table together eating dinner, levi would say “why tf are u eating so much slow down you’re gonna shit for days if you keep this up” and hanji would say “bro i cant help it im eating for two” and levi doesnt get it hhhhhhh his heart is as full of love as his head is full of air when it comes to these things so he says “yeah i can see that more like eating for an entire army” and hanji has the most bruh look on their face “dude im literally pregnant”

and levi is FROZEN he is so frozen he’s about to whip out a fucking blonde wig and a sparkly blue dress and sing let it go

he’d probably snap out of it rather quickly tho without saying anything he just hugs hanji really tight as they start to cry bc holy shit they’re gonna be parents how are they going to survive this how are they going to handle taking care of another human when all they’ve known in their lives is pain and loss bc thats the survey corps for ya so yeah hanji is really freaking emotional poor bby

i feel like they’d be really, really happy after fully processing it, levi just strikes me as someone who’d want a family (see him looking at the woman and child in the uprising arc and being reminded of his mom) and hanji is like really good at taking care of others tbh they just never allowed themselves to even think about it because of their duty but now that it’s over and they’re finally together and happy, why not?

skipping through the pregnancy and birth shit because the topic kinda freaks me out a bit oops sorry 😔 all im gonna say is that they’re in for a cute surprise just think about it levi’s an abnormal hanji is an abnormal they are de facto abnormals so why not give them an “abnormal” (as in: uncommon, rare) pregnancy thingy and have hanji carry fucking TRIPLETS yes im definitely going there yall they wanted a baby?? COOL, THEY’RE GETTING 3

levi has a heart attack lmaooo but everything goes smoothly and now they’re the happy happy happy parents of 3 little girls who look so much like him but have hanji’s nose and eye shape and pretty eyelashes and MF 👏 IS 👏 WHIPPED 👏 just imagine levi waking up in the morning and seeing hanji playing with their babies and his heart is about to burst (and so is mine ngl) because he never thought he could feel so much love for someone in his life@@:%,%”@“””””...@@.@“% brb gonna cry for a sec

he’d spoil the shit out of them and when they’re a bit older they literally get away with EVERYTHING cause dadvi is physically incapable of resisting their puppy eyes that they got straight from hanji lol ANYWAY they’d be the best parents ever who love their children more than anything in the world and they live happily every after in their little house in the woods, also accidents happen again and they get surprised with baby number 4, a little boy that they name after erwin <33333 you’re welcome bye now i have to wipe away the copious amount of tears i shed while writing this

VIC DO ALL THE ASKS BC I LOVE U AND WANT U TO HAVE FUN

*SWEATS* AYE AYE CAPN

cw for like some common lgbt+ topics such as dysphoria violence discrimination etc just. tread carefully if u get triggered easily by bad lgbt experiences

What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? -im a gay trans man and my pronouns are he/him but they/them is also acceptable!

How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?-oh wow i originally thought i was a lesbian because i didnt even know what transgender was i just thought wishing i was a man meant i was butch and then i met my friend donnie in eighth grade who told me he was trans and it was kinda a huge slap in the face but with a sack of gay bricks? and i found out i dont like women through actually having sex with cis women and finally realizing it. really wasnt for me so now im just a gay man as opposed to queer as an umbrella term but i periodically refer to myself as such

Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?-oh yea i literally was misgendered today i just kinda brush it off but it can be hard sometimes especially when people know im trans and do it

Who was the first person you told, how did they react?-i first told donnie about my gender, it was a thing where i went to bed the night i met him and was like  .. wait holy fuck and then the next day i was like BRO HOLY FUCK but sexuality? i dont really know???? it was so long ago it was honestly probably my group of friends on kik that i had in 2013 (u were included in that mister!!!!)

Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?-im not actually fully out but the first time someone who was an adult knew about my trans-ness was what really set in for me the fact that i could come out one day; my friends mom referred to me as seance (and like. obviously she respected my gender she has a trans kid) but it was just super jarring bc no adult had known yet abt my identity in any way and as a result i was rlly glad it was nighttime in that car bc i cried almost immediately; the first time i came out on my Own was to my cousin and he laughed in my face so that was pretty damn awful and its kinda funny cuz the bastard is bi so u would think hed have been accepting but n0pe!

If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?-im out to my friends now ! and the reception was generally positive bc i think i do an ok job at picking ppl to be around in terms of morals so there was little bad reception

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?-i hate when ppl ask if im gay as in for men or gay as in for women because im trans, i am a man so when i say im gay i feel like that should be easy enough to put 2 and 2 together but when they ask that i feel as if they still view me as a woman

Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.-emo of the gods themselves it is absolute scene and emo vomit and i love it; its seriously hard for me to wear dresses and skirts without dysphoria and just general discomfort but i own a couple anyway bc theyre cute i just. never wear them

Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?-my main thing at the moment is gerard/frank/grant morrison bc i love poly fics very dearly and gerard/bert because bert mccracken deserved better than gerawrds internalized homophobia lol

What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?-makeup to me is an androgynous thing so i wear eyeshadow a lot and lipstick sometimes, eyeshadow is easier on my eyes than eyeliner bc im allergic to a lot of makeup thats on the heavier side so if i put on eyeliner my eyes will water and burn throughout the day but with eyeshadow im mostly ok; other opinion is that makeup on Anyone can be sexy as hell if they do it for fun and wear literally what they truly want and not just what they think is accepted or what they Should wear

Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?-oh yeah my dysphoria is pretty debilitating if im gonna be honest; i used to have very little problems with it because my hold on reality was loose at best (before i was medicated to clarify) but now that i am almost completely Here my dysphoria is pretty bad and even just like. the knowledge that i have breasts is pretty awful; a few weeks ago i put on an outfit that i have to wear a victorias secret bra to fit properly in and just one look in the mirror had me sobbing and i had to change my clothes before i could leave the house and i havent worn a bra since because just the thought of showing off my chest makes this stark fuckin dread shoot through my veins but i also have dysphoria in regards to my voice that i discussed at my last trans therapy group meeting actually ; my voice has a tendency to bounce around my octave range so sometimes ill be like. excited then hear what i sound like. and ruin it for myself immediately u kno? im not even gonna talk about my dicksphoria bc thats just. awful. 

What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?-ohhhhhhhh my god u know what? ive heard..so much .. that im gonna instead take this opportunity to mention my mother genuinely thinks dnd is satanic

What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-the fact that were so strong. we are so fucking strong we deal with violence and opposition constantly and at staggering rates yet we stay strong and we continue loving through all of it, whether its in dark corners in secret or loudly in the streets we continue loving and do so with all of our beings because we know its our own truth and well gladly go to hell if it means we got to love on earth (not that everyone believes in hell or the idea that us gays go to hell but my point stands)

What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?-we have this audacity to create divide (to the fault of mostly cis white gay men thank u very much) when what we need to do is love each other because we are different but at the end of the day we all need to remain in tandem and as a family or we will never get to where we need to in terms of acceptance and that means being uplifting and protecting our trans sisters of color, our disabled lgbt members, our autistic lgbt members, our anything past cis white gay man because we all need recognition, we all need love, and to exclude any letters of lgbt is to tear ourselves down and set ourselves on fire

Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?-no :((( no one would drive me in the past and i dont think ill have a way to get there this year either

Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?-brian molko! my bisexual, androgynistically-inclined father who birthed me at the tender age of 16 when i found placebo

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?-ya theres been a few and i dont rlly like to talk abt my relationships with anyone unless theyre online relationships so im just gonna leave it at that

What is your favourite lgbt+ book?-pantomime by laura lam! its one of if not my favorite book to this day

Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?-y a every damn day bitch ! example is when i was deadnamed by my psychiatrist while she knows full well what my name is the other day; another is the countless times i get called a lesbian ???? and when strict lesbians ask me out i get a very bad taste in my mouth (i understand full well that sexuality is fluid, these are lesbians that spit the ‘penis is gross blegh’ rhetoric)

Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?-uh im just gonna say preacher bc its my favorite show altogether n cass is bi/pan/something similar

Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?-@ble3dmagic is my boyfriend in crime (not rlly thats a joke) and @musicalsense​ is my sunburnt Brother

Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?-queer! i also use f*ggot a lot when talking about myself and my friends that are ok with it

Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?-i went to a drag show and it was so amazing and one of the first times i felt accepted in my own community that i cried

How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?-well i identify as a man with no leaning towards womanhood or nonbinaryhood in any way, its just . man . but in terms of Expression i am quite androgynous bc i can rlly appreciate femininity (NOT the same as womanhood) and being a man to me means just that ive always wanted to grow up with that “gender role” like i always wish i was raised as a stereotypical parent would raise a son and ive always been more interested in stereotypically masculine things and people since i can even remember and i feel like puberty was just this unpreventable spiral into something i didnt want. i didnt want it at all . this is tmi but when i got my first period i cried my eyes out bc the idea of being called a Woman repulsed me so much and since i didnt even know that being trans was a concept i was just this scared puppy full of confusion and fear aimed at myself because all the stuff i heard i was supposed to be proud of the change but i wasnt i was so ashamed of it and the idea of being called a woman made me sick to my stomach and i just wish i could go back in time and hold myself and tell me itll be alright 

Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?-absoLutely not i hate kids (and by that i mean i hate being around them and the culture that surrounds having children; i do not treat kids like shit and i do not act like hating children is a personality trait; i get migraines and usually the second a child starts screaming or crying i am on the floor of my brain writhing in dire pain and i have absolutely no desire to support another human life when frankly i cant even support myself; its also just not a lifestyle i want to live)

What identity advice would you give your younger self?-god so fucking much. so fucking much. so many things i wish i could say to myself

What do you think of gender roles in relationships?-i think if someone wants to adhere to them then hell yea go ahead just dont expect others to do it or try to tell other people its a Norm or something; theyre for the most part christian in nature so i dont have any desire to follow them myself, i want a relationship (if any) thats more of a coexistence if that makes sense, like. roommates plus dick

Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?-i always used to anxiously chew on the idea that my chest dysphoria is just me holding disdain for the shape and size of my breasts but let me tell you. the second i put on my binder for the first time i immediately started crying because i was so overwhelmed by the fact that i was looking at something one step closer to myself and i know full well i am never going to have that doubt again. this week has been exponentially cathartic and therapeutic for me

What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?-i want the cisheteros to know that nothing they learn about us is new. everything about us has been around for so so long but has been silenced and erased to the point where a lot of us dont even know many things about our rich and beautiful history

Why are proud to be lgbt+?-honestly? its hard for me to not just straight up say im not proud of my identity. its taken me years to stamp down the plain grieving toward my identity and wishing i could have the easier path but frankly? the fact that i am choosing this path of hardship and hell on earth just to be who i truly am i think speaks volumes of my pride in my identity at this point; further back in my archive by a few years my posts are littered with sentiments of bitterness wherein i stated that i hate being trans and not just cis but i like to think ive finished hating myself for my identity. i like to think im proud now. to ask me why is to ask too much of me, all i know now is that i am proud and thats enough for me right now.

#TONIFLACKUS THE QUEEN GOAT LIFE STORY SHE WRECKED HER OWN SHIT UP AND OWNS UP TO IT RESPECT THIS SHIT BITCH

tHIS STARTED OUT AS MY LINKDN SUMMARY AND TURNED INTO MY LIFESTORY ENJOY MY CRAZY ASSHOLE MY LUVS

Transgender gamer girl epic famous streamer on #twich #youtube #facebook #younow. I'm 33 medically retired from the USAF for #bipolar disorder #badconductdiscarch for drug use and selling drugs to my EXwife how set me up with USAF OSI. I have been on a computer for over 28 years working with programming and computer #gamers. I focus only on #MMORPGs. My first #MMORPG was #Runescape look me up  #tflackus #tonyflackus #tonyflackuss im in the TOP #HISCORES of all time :) I started playing #WorldOfWarcaft in 2006 when i joined the #USAF as a #SERE_Instructor I began endgame raiding by 2007 by starting the #guild #NoLifer we were the first to complete the #40ManRaid #QueenButKingAtTheTime. During this time I was a #proSkateboarder for #GlobeShoeCompany while working at #Hy-Vee as a #produceManager. At the age of 17 I graduated #ShawneeMissionNorth @KansasCity while attending #Kstate for #computerProgramming won 6 #contest with my #JAVA abilities. After I broke my ankle and #getWrecked by knee nolle flipping a #13stair i left home with the #USAF to #Japan. I failed out of #SERE training on purpose because im not #HARDCORE and didnt want to be #SpecialOPS so i got a job as a #AircraftFuelSystemMechanic. I won the #SeniorAirmanBelowTheZone in 2009 and sewed on #StaffSargent within 4 year of #MilitaryService.  After 2 years at #kadenaAFB,Japan I when to #KunsanAFB Korea where I launched over 2000 Aircraft #Sorties for #GlobalWarOnTerrorism during this time I was able to get 3 #IncentiveRides on my favorite Airplane the #F-15 that was quite the experience going #mock5 in the air upsidedown lolz! I then went to #NewMexico to #crosstrain into #CyberSecurity I sewed on #E5/StaffSargent and when to #Mississipi for my #CompTIASec+ certificated this test has been the only thing I have ever had to study for in my life its that #HARDASFUCK! I scored at 890/900 the highest they have ever had by the end of my study routine I have over 2,500 notecards of various computer security topics. At my new #USAF+Base in #albuquerque#NM I ran the Crypto/Information Assurance office for the whole base reported directly to the #Commander of the #USAFWING. IP failed alot due to lack of training #USAFSUCKS. In 2012 I attempted suiced for the first time #LIFEisHARD. I slit both wrists from hand to elbow and stabed myself 8 times 3 in each arm and once in the belly and once in the heart #IMCRAZY. #Hospitalized for over 2 years in #Texas at #MilitaryStarUnit @WitchitaFallsTexas. After 6 months of constance observation and IQ tests/Personality Tests they diagnosed me with Sever #ADHD #BiPolarDisorder #MajorDepression and started me on my first over dose of #Adderall I was instantly addicted it made my brain feel #Normal I would get all the girls in the #MentalHospital to give me thier dose #QueenAsAKing. After 9 months i was discharged and moved to #WitchtaKansas @McConnell AFB because there was a big #Stigma with #Depression with the #military. Here my exwife @Amanda and got divorced after she caught me #DressingAsMySelfABeautifulWomen #ThatFuckedMeUp. I got #severlyDepressed and tried to #shootMyself #HOWtheFuckDidIMiss but i did and went and asked for #HELPMEPLZBITCH then i went to the military Star UNIT in KansasCityKansaS and got 100% sober no more #Adderall #Acid #coke #meth #weed #alcohol #cigerets #spice #K2 #heroin #YEAHiDidITAllSon. I went #GODMODE on life was more #MANIC then ever i learned how to control my #BloodPressure and could purposely raise it to well over 250 over 150 to scare the shit out of the #Nurses loz #BOSSBITCH! The director of the #Hospital told me to #STARTartTherapy because I #REFUSED to #talkAboutMyEmotions in #Therapy and I did. For the first time in my life I felt #Artistic with my #ZENARTWORK #TATTOODESIGNS. After 3 months I started #communicating with the #FUCKINGTHERIPIST and #THATKINGOFAMAN told me that I was a #ENFJ and i was like #IDONTGIVE2SHITSDUDEHURRYupIMissMyWoWGuilDies then he explaned to me what that was and i was like im a #IntrovertYouFuckStain and he was like #STFUandListen and I finally did right before I was discharged he said I was going to come down from this #GODLIKE #MANIA and it was going to be bad unless I took #BiPolarMeds and I said #GOEATADICKnoMoreDrugsForToni. I was discharged one week after my first sons 2nd #bDay #AtticusWasSad so was I. I went baCk to @McConnelAFB to live in my 3,000 SQ house all by myself #LONELYASFUCK I was #MAnic for the next 3 Months sleeping once a week eating #Japaneze curry on the weekend and nothing during the week #WorkedHARDASFUCK for the #SHITTYUSAFMILIARY #GOTNORESPECTFORMYWORK #SUPERVISORDIDNOTCAREABOUTMEBECAUSETHEYCAUGHTMEDRESSINGUPASAGIRL #TRANS_ISSUES. JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR SAID THE MANIA WORE OFF AND #HOLYFUCKINGSHITDIDREALITY HIT #HARDASATONOFBRICKS BUT TONI WAS DONE FUCKING AROUND WITH #SUICIDEATTEMPTS SO #TONI RESEARCHED HOW TO KILL MYSELF WITHOUT ANYPAIN FIGURED OUT HOW #I3WONTTELLYOU TOOK #1MONTH TO ORDER THE #SUPPLIES FOR VARRIOUS #3RDWORLDCONTRIES THEN SET UP MY #DEATHBED AND SET IT ALL UP LAID DONE WAS GOING TO PRESS THE BUTTON BUT THEN #JESUS #LITERLLY TOLD ME NOT TO #cantExplainTheFeelingAllOfASuddenFeltLikeLiving but i choose to start doing #adderal again. #adderall worked for 6 months then #THISBITCH needed more #MORE and I met a #drugDealerGirl #shewasBBWBlackGirl and yes we #hooke3dUP. Started doing a drug called #TONY lol yea im suck a #BADBITCH they named this synthetic cocane after me #QUEENTONI. #DUMBASSEXWIFE learned of my drug use and #Snitched on me to #USA_OSI they set up a #StingOperation and I #SOLDDRUGS TO MY #FUCKING3EX. #THATWASDUMB #mILITARY STARTED DOING 24 HOUR SURVALANCE ON MY HOUSE AND TAPPED MY COMPUTERS AND PHONE BUT #TONIKNOWBITCH BUT #TONIWAS #PYCOTIC DUE TO #DRUGS SO i keept doing them anyway I would get #FUCKADRUGTEST everyweek and I told my #commander Im test #positive for #WEED/METH/COKE/ACID/ADDERAL AND THEY SAID WELL THEN STOP AND I SAID #iCANTINEEDHELPSENDMEBAcKTOHOSPITALPLZSIR AND THEY SAID #fUCKYOUWIERD. BASICALLY because they knew i dressed like a women at home they refused to help me to push me at of the #fuckingMilitary! After 4 months of being constatly watched my #anxiety was #rediculy and i was #ready to us the #DEATHMACHINEiMade but my #drugDealingGirlFriend convinced me to #runaway with her. so I went #AWOL #LOLRUNTONIRUN  QUITE unsucsessfully i might add i was on the #road for #3wholeDays when i got caught at #GAMESTOP selling my #3DS for some #FOODMONEY SO I COULD #FEEDMYGIRL THEY BUT ME IN MILITARY JAIL. While in #jail the onlything to do was @artwork #ZenTangle #tattoo designs so that is what i did #InowSellMyArtBTW50$for my big pieces #20$for littleones #gottamakeThatMoney The onlything i could do was read but the only #fuckingbook they had was the Fucking  #bible and i was a #scientific person so i was like #fuckthatshit but i eventually did pick it up and starting reading it like ascience gbook so like i was like im prove this shit #WRONG AS FUCK but i started to #believeINGOD like WTF i was like this is like a book of LIFE and it changed my #MYLIFEBRO so i read the whole #FUCKINGBIBLE word for word includeing leviticus which is just a bunch of wieghts and measure @LOLLS my favorite passages are the #job #eclisiasties i swear to GOD and JESUS that #eclisiasties was #BIPOLAR and #ADHD like me basically his life was devoted to finding #HAPPINESS in all aspects like money women art and i can relate i have been very successful but was never happy untill i found #JESUS lol its crazy for 25 years i was a anthiest but after reading the bible for myself i found my faith in a HIGHER power before that i was the #MUTHAFUCKINGHIGHTPOWERBITCH i was sooo smart and i could do anything i fucking #SETMYMINDtoooo :))) but that is not tru i could not stope #ADDERAL without #GOD and now that i have #GOD is till #FUCKMYOWNLIFEUPONTHEDAIly lolz but hey we all have to learn somewhy right but for #TONI i have to learn from self harm lolz my like #HARDBUTEASYIFIListenToMyself i give amazing life advicce but have a #FUKCING hard time doing it #myself :P as i was reading the bible i relised two things!! right so the first was the jesus is a THE fucking #KINGofGoats right all that mutherfucker did was #HELP #everybody right he didnt care if you got dick in your ass or [pussy he didnt care if you masterbated he didnt care about marking your body with tattoo he just #LOVED right but the FUCKING #aposiles or his #FOLLOWERS well they put human thought into his message of love and fucked it all up they put resrtictions on love and on gods love #FUCKTHATSHIT #GOD loves his one and only son like i love my two son and his son #JESUS says love love love #BITCHLOVEisAllYouNeedToDoToGetIntoHeaven love jesus accept him and when you die you will be with #THEKINGHIMFUCKINGSLEF right so the otgher thing is that #GODISADICKRIGHT lolssss hekilled his own son lol #THAT IS FUCK UP right i would never is #JESUS told me to harm my son i would #GOTOTHEDEVEL lol :) but #GODISAPINMP right what does god #DO well #godDOESWHATHEWANTS lol so i learned the #TONI is like #GOD guess what i do in life i was created by #god and i will live like both #JESUS and #god i will #LOVEYOUALLMUTHAFUCKERS and i will #DOwhatIFuckikingWant that reminds me #TwitchCanSuckMyFemalCokeWhile i still have it for trying to IPBan me fuck you I tried to get a job with you and got an interview and you said my #PAST was too much #FUCKTHATSHIT :P so fuck you I will become so famous that I #TAKE all you viewers and port them to my own website im designing bitch #www.toniflackuslive24/7.com :P fuck you @twich :P where were we oh yea i was in jail for the fist time doing art and reading the bible so now that that happen i was like wayyyyyyyy sucidal so i was like how #DaaaFuck do i #KILLmySelf in jail when they wont even let me wear clothes lol for real i was naked in my jail cell cuz i was #suicidal they would watch me eat and only give me a plastic spoon lik WTF i did even get a blanket or mattress i slept on the #FUCKING #METALBED i still haVe back problem because of that shit for 33 days i went thourgh hell and #JESUS is the only thing that keep me going but after a while #Jesus was not enough i found a way to #killMyself i bent the copper pipe off the tolet by putting my arm around it and flexing #atTheTime im jittery because i abused aderall for 8 years i did 210 mg a day i would stay up for weeks at a time you fuck yes adderal is sythetic pharmacudical meth and its powerfull 210 mtg would kill most people via heart attack now i have to check my blood pressure and if it getting above 175 over 110 i have to drink #BEER to calm down ok lets  play bdo sorry #readers i was oon my twitch!! ok back to the story at hand let me put on so music **break from lifestory and im do rado facts** #######################Rando FACTS about your #ToniISTheFuckingQueenGOAT######### 1) I dont kno the english alphabet but i do the the japanese one 2)I didnt learn to read or write until i was in 3rd grade 3)i have been sexually active from the age of 12 4)my first girlfriend was 16 and she would put stuff in my ass and i loved it!!!! 5)im ambidexterious which means i can do stuff with both hand *wink* *wink* 6)my nickname in los angles was "Blackus" because i only had black friends so i was a big time Wigger lolz 7)i wrote my first java program when i was 7 years old it was a worm that multipled on a hardrive until it was full i ran it on my step dads network and he beat the shit out of me for a week lol #bossbitch 8)my stepdad i call him KEVdad was a CIO for the Shawnee mission school district and we had the backup sever farm in our basement so i have been a #NETWORKADMIN since the age of 5 9)in the metal hospital i hacked thier computer and gained #ROOT lvl access with the first week of being there i allowed all the #patients to look at #porn #lolz i got banned from using the computer but i never gave them the #ROOTPASSWORD back lol!!! to this day i can log into thier network :P 10)i have always been transgender i have a female life prospective and a female brain 11)i have yet to have sex with a man mutually i have been raped 5 times 12)i dont like my penis never have 13)im getting my sex change in Tailand when i earn eno money 14)i stream on chaterbate look up trangendertoni 15)i havent had sex in 3 years lol yes that is why im sooo randy #lolhornybitch 16)i have a boyfriend his name is ricky and he will be the first one to get me :) he is a famous streamer #Reaper_kings_ 17) i have 2 sons Atticus James Flackus 8 years old luca Efften Flackus 5 years soon old 18) i was born on december 25 1987 19)i have been a video gamer for over 27 years i only play RPG game and even then they have to be japanese style not american li8ke skyrim i own every single jap RPG that was ever made 20) i wrote the first guide on #gamefaqs for FFVII me and my friend @archon009 found the bug that let you #DUP item and we posted it back in 1997 :P 21) i play FFVII every year and max out the materia and lvl up all char to 99 and get all ultimate weapons 22) i was a beta tester for Runescape World of warcraft and BlackDesert online 23)i need to pee fuck me i wish i had a cathitor 24)my resting blood pressure is 140 over 90 25)i can read and write in japanese better than english 26)i have 78 paid for Black Desert Online account i have spent over 250,000 USD on ingame items and accounts lol #BOSSLVLSPENDING 27)my current exWife used to beat me up for spending money on video games 28)i have been to jail twice one for selling and doing drugs in the #USaF and then most recently was released from jail after 23 days for threatening to kill @angel colon for calling me a trans faggot #FUCKTHATGUY 29)i eat maybe once a day sometimes i dont eat :P 30)i smoke over 100 cigs a day yes i will die of cancer 31) im still writeing rando facts about myself guys if you wanna read the whole thing go to @facebook goolgle #toniflackus 32) my best friend @rob "the steamboat" fulton is deaF so i learned sign laungange at a young age you will see me do alot of it on steam i miss him #ALOT but now that im a #GIRL he dosnt talk to me 33)i have 2 sister amber 35 andrea 40 and one brother adom 39 we were all in the #USAF #Amber Casados my sister is the only one that talke to me after i came out 4 months ago #transgender my mom #DISOWNEDMYASS and my #STEPDAD said he would #KILL me if i came to visit #IWOULDKILLHIMFIRSTBITCH #lol 34) i have been on estogen and testoterone blockers for 4 months 35) im bipolar with phycotic featurs which means i tend to go #MANIC and stay that 3wasy for DAYS #IMHIGHASFUCKWITHNODRUGSBITCH 36)my most priced possestion is my newly forming boobds lol :) i love them i wont ever get fake boob not that i dont like #BIGTITAREFUNTOPLAYWITH its just i want natural little titties :P 37) all my #twitchmoney i give away #GIVEAWAYS WEEKLY 38) my ex @kayleigh Anh Daniels was a #SUPERMODEL 39 my first wife @Amanda Lynn Jennings was a weed dealer and was being abused by a house full of guys eet off craiglist and she came over and we fucked and then i found out about all that shit that was happening i left my USAF job within minutes and went over and bitch the shit out of lik 4 dudes and took her home with me we got married the next month 40) i have done every drug that i have researched and goten my hands onto my fav #DOC (drug of choice) is adderal 41)i have not done an illegal drug is 7 years and stop3ed abuseing my adderal 7 months ago i have told all my doctors that im a #DRUGADDICT and not to prescribe anything addictive #DAMiRegretSayingThat #missThatAdderalHIGH 42)i stream my whole life 24/7 even when im banned from #twichIsABtich i stream on #facebook #younow #youtube #multipleTwitchAccount just google #toniflackus 43)i was on the FBI most wanted list for going AWOL because i held the highest security clearance within the military because i worked directly on the SIPRnet the (secret)(topSecret) intranet of the Department of Defence they found me within 3 days 44) twitch is going to find with within the next few hours so #FUCKME lolz im try and log into my main twitch toniflackus #LETS{PRAY IT WORKS #NOPE STILL BANNED #im take a break if you wanna read all this shit im writing go to my facebook toniflackus #smokebreak im go outside and get some fresh air guys luv you #missmyBoyfriend #missmySons #missmyExwife #ok this shit is too much #emotions #imply video#games

#THATSUCKSBIGDICKSANDDIRTYHAIRYONESTHATLOOKFUNNY!!!    ###MORE TO COME IF YOU WANT###

Thank you <3

Xayah here, hi everyone!

I’d like to give a big hug to everyone who’s been submitting sugar. Its helped a lot of people, in my case especially.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, but due to the fact I wasn’t so sure, I’ve waited till now. I have nothing to lose by doing it though, so here we go, long post journey.

I’d like to explain a little. I’ve had a lot of anxiety issues over the course of my life, mainly social anxiety and confrontation issues. I can’t handle problems and confrontation.  People being understanding and supportive has really helped me ignore the hate, realize that not everyone is out to get me, and learn to take care of myself. I used to put on a largely rude and attitude-filled shield against those who said mean things about me, but in the end it just made people I wanted to be friends with scared of me, and thats understandable.

Some past friends had even begun the believe the crap people spewed about me. It wasn’t smart of me to do, but it happened and I won’t dismiss it. I really am sorry to those people and I don’t have any harsh feelings towards any of those people, even the anons. I actually more have a feeling of “why?” , like why would anyone believe that accusing people of such things as I was is anything but abusive, where they could’ve asked questions to get the proof they wanted, etc? Its hard to believe people on the internet, but its worse to accuse them of horrid things than to be neutral.

I’m sorry to everyone is affected, but that isn’t and never has been me. It was the only thing I thought I could do, as I’ve never had much social experience, until people showed me otherwise.

I’ve since dropped that spiny shield and revealed that I’m really a huge softy and extremely timid, I’ve been done protecting myself for a while now. The best of the community seem to do it for me in a way, by reminding me that nothing anyone ever says can hurt me more than myself changing to please them or giving them a reaction.

I’d love to be adored by everyone and never be hated, but I know thats a big dream that can’t come true as there will always be spiteful people trying to learn their way in life who still haven’t gotten the message I have.

The CS community has put me through a lot over my years (since 2010) but only when I joined viscets had I found any real friends or learned any lessons from it. The golden rule applies everywhere, even in our small corner of the internet, despite the people you’ll find here sometimes that are shrouded in hatred and darkness. The light shining off of others makes it worth all of the time I’ve put into it.

Away from the more sappy bit of me, and onto more viscet related than personal; I’ve cried a few times when people have told me they want me to be an artist, just a little :‘T 

It’d be a huge honor, and yes it’s true I do put my all into everything I try to do for viscets, but I still don’t believe I deserve such a position. 

I am often forgetful, I forgot to transfer one of my last guest artist designs which could’ve royally screwed Mint over, I do suffer from depression which involves random bouts of days where I just don’t want to do anything, I often leave my state to go visit my boyfriend for a couple weeks, I have breakdowns some days where no matter what I make I hate it. I can’t even deal with authority, anyone with any sort of leverage over me terrifies me and unless they baby me I feel like they hate me. This is not a request to be treated like a child, this is an explaination that I feel everyone deserves to hear.

Someone with issues and baggage like this isn’t really… reliable.

I just need gentle reminders to get myself going again, sure, but it’d be more of a burden than I can expect people to take on behalf of me. I’m happy to see people enjoy what I do, and I’d love to one day get there, but maybe for now its best if I just occasionally pop in as guest artist, if mint would like to have me again some day.

I would also like to say a big thank you to those who have been having me make customs for them, tenlittlesoldierboys and cyberdragon to name a couple. Not to call you guys out lol, just, I really loved being able to make somethings you two loved, it feels really great to give someone a character they cherish, and being able to practice my designing helps immensely! 

Another thank you to Grifforik, for pming me something lovely and really solidifying how great the community is.

Anyway, I wont be ready until I truly believe I can be part of a team as put-together and organized as viscet staff, and only then, if the staff would be willing to have me join their team. I’m getting there, just not yet, until I prove otherwise to everyone.

There’s a lot about me I can’t possibly fit in a post, overtime people can learn who I am though, so I won’t waste much more of your reading on that topic. Just message me any time, I promise I can be there for you as others have for me. It’d be my honor. 

Thank you all for reading my rant and I just hope this message helps people understand what’s been going on with me and who knows, maybe I’ll get some pms from people who’ve been uneasy about approaching me, I’d love to give anyone a shoulder to lean on when they need it. I’m sorry this was so long! 

Have a great week everyone!

—————————————————————–

this is very important, and very well written Xayah!

firstly, i’d like to address this as a whole for everyone– this blog is meant to be a safe place for anyone as much as it is meant to be a place to share your sugary goodness about others in the Viscet community. any and all ‘rants’ and large posts in general is welcome, and we’ll never turn it down (provided it isn’t malicious or mean). this is a safe place without bias and without hate. if ever anyone feels the need to chat, feel free to pop into our IM as well! one of us is bound to answer, and i know we’d all be pleased to do so!

Xayah, thank you for being open and honest with us here at viscet-sugar, and with all of us as a community!

anxiety is a very frustrating thing, but you’re making all the right steps in order to overcome it, and embrace new and exciting opportunities! personally, i think your art is fantastic. i’ve loved your designs and i can’t wait to see more of them/your art around the community!

words cause more hurt than some people realise– the salt, whether true or falsified, can hurt absolutely anyone and that isn’t what anyone deserves (let alone a big softy like you!). i’m very proud of you for letting your walls fall - feeling claustrophobic and restricted because you’re uncertain what your actions and words will make people think is a very frustrating thing and i suffer from it myself from time to time, but the fact you’re allowing yourself to let others in is very admirable and i think i speak for all the mods when i say I’M PROUD!

reminder for all: everyone makes mistakes. everyone stumbles and trips and falls once in a while. we’re only human! but what makes you a wonderful, good, kind hearted person is the courage to pick yourself up again, see your mistakes and learn from them, apologise where necessary, let the mistakes go and carry on to better yourself. you’ll feel much better about who you are in the long run!

from all of us here at viscet-sugar, we couldn’t be more pleased to hear from you Xayah, and we hope to see you around more often!

have an awesome weekend!

— mod moxie