#we're buying a house
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I've been reading a lot of legal documents lately but this one just made me think of Murderbot.
#😆#i really just have to find something to laugh about in all these legal documents or I'm going to be bored to tears#bookish?#kindof#we're buying a house#it's a lot#Murderbot#the murderbot diaries#all systems red
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finally, at 28 years old, a nemesis has revealed themself to me, the trickster god ziggi of the ford of bridg
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Ok so, I'm not...supposed to exist?
I am—er, well, was an imaginary friend. My "brother" was a lonely little boy who was quite neglected looking back, and he wanted someone to spend his time with, a "sister".
So he dreamed, and I came to be. Now, even as a child he wasn't the most imaginative sort, preferring to imagine things he could see and wonder about what was rather than make something new completely from scratch. So, in his mind, his sister looked just like him, just with longer hair. I think that's one of the reasons i'm...like this.
Most children describe their imaginary friends as fantastical, with great glittering wings or neon spots and the like. Most children stop talking or believing in their imaginary friends around a certain age. Most children cannot see someone else's friend. No one, outside of the child, can see an imaginary friend.
Until now? I think? These are all observations I've made.
I remember only existing when my brother was around. We would play and "go on adventures" and just have fun. When it was dinner time, I would sit beside him and eat... but couldn't eat. I would say things to make him laugh, but no one else would acknowledge I was there. I didn't think much of it at the time since..well, I couldn't think. I wasn't real.
As he grew, he must have imagined me growing as well. As he learned, I did, too, and must have adjusted accordingly. Unlike his peers, he was convinced that I was a person and was angry when people told him otherwise.
We got older and he got more insistent when suddenly, people started to play along. Pretending to see me and talk to me when it was clear that they couldn't. I think this was when I started to...feel things? Think?
We fought, my brother and I. He was graduating secondary and heading to Uni. I asked him why he still imagined me when it was clear he didn't need me anymore. He said he did need me. I didn't believe him, we argued, and he left.
I was still there.
Before, time almost seemed to...skip? Think cutscenes from those video games everyone seems to like playing. The day ends, I blink and it's morning, no sleep needed. Brother was distracted? Time skips until he addressed me again.
I've never not been without him before. I panicked. I collapsed against the wall and I felt it. The cool wall, the tears streaming down my face, my brother's hug when he came to apologize. I don't know how to handle it.
When we sat down for dinner, his mum and dad addressed me and asked if I was alright, as if they had always known I existed. They could see me and my distress. I tried to explain, but everyone looked at me confused. They told me that of course i existed, I always did.
But I know the truth. There are no pictures of me in this house. There are no school records of me or medical ones. I have no bedroom or clothes of my own. I did not exist.
I don't know exactly when I became "real" but I am now. I just...I don't know what to do? I wasn't real and now I am and everyone calls me crazy for thinking otherwise. How does one exist? My brother is leaving for Uni soon and everyone expects the same of me, as if I've been accepted into one. I haven't, I've checked.
Why do I exist? Why does no one acknowledge that I never did?
Please.
I'm scared.
I'm so glad you've written in, reader. Quite apart from the existential questions your situation raises, there is also rather a lot of paperwork involved.
It is possible to live in the UK without being part of the civil bureaucratic system – indeed, there are certain isolated genuses whose right to do so has been fiercely protected over the generations. But it's a tremendously difficult way to live if you have any intention of engaging with the economic, education or healthcare systems.
The Bunbury Institute of Manifested Personages should be your first port of call to tackle the logistical and legal difficulties presented by your case. They'll be able to get you sorted with all the documentation you need to prove your existence, including a Certificate of Corporeal Incarnation, which will stand in where others might use their birth certificate.
Once you legally exist, you'll be able to open a bank account, apply for a passport, and essentially make whatever choices you want to make about how to spend the rest of your existence. Which brings me to the real heart of your letter – the emotional impact of your change in circumstance.
Sudden onset incarnation is a profoundly disruptive experience no matter how, when or to whom it occurs. Even if your family were able to understand the situation and support you through it, it would still be an extremely difficult situation to navigate. As it is, the nature of your previous existence and the way your incarnation has taken effect means they're just not able to.
You ask why nobody acknowledges your previous non-existence. Generally speaking, most people find it extremely difficult to the point of near impossibility to really understand divergent realities. It's not that your family are trying to undermine you – they are literally, psychologically and biologically, incapable of understanding how you have come to be.
I strongly recommend you find someone to talk to about this issue as soon as you can. Without your legal paperwork in place, it will be difficult to access mental health support either privately or through the NHS. However, the Bunbury Institute and other such charitable organisations may be able to put you in touch with support groups for others like yourself.
What's important is that you know, you're not alone in this. Whatever your family may believe, your experiences are real and valid. And, now, so are you. It's going to be a big adjustment, figuring out how you want to live in the world now you're here. Try not to get too overwhelmed. Take things one day at a time, try to keep an eye on the positives, and give yourself the grace and time you need to process the negatives. In time, I feel sure you'll be able to build a life that feels right for you.
#answered#the nightfolk network#monstrous agonies#everyone pretend this went up yesterday evening lol#we're literally buying a house right now and my brain is mildly fried xD#this was such a fun letter to dig into though thank you anon!!
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just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong
#ONE MORE EXAM. WE CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE DONE IN LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOW#AND THEN THE NEXT EXAM SEASON ISNT UNTIL MAY. COME ON GIRL#we have such a fun plan for tomorrow though bc the consensus has just been 'we need to get fucking mangled after this exam'#like i havent been out-out in WEEKS the closest i came was the end of december for a hometown house party of all things#i didnt even go out for nye. let's all take a moment and consider the implications for someone like me NOT GOING OUT ON NYE#so i am OVERDUE a good night out and then on top of that ive had exams be SO fr#and also this is the first year where my main friendship group (i.e not my housemates but my actual social circle)#are ALL econ students like there's about five of us and we all do econ and yeah two of them ive been mates with since first year#(the girl is my best mate at uni and is always who im on about if i talk about a 'girl on my course' and the lad is the one i lived with#in first year and have kind of got a thing with now?) BUT THE OTHERS ARE NEW ADDITIONS AND THAT'S SO FUN#so we're ALL gonna tip out of that exam and then me and her are gonna go back to mine to get ready bc am i fuck doing make-up#before that exam. the STATES i have shown up in these past few days i think the invigilators are worried about me#and then we're meeting the lads at the pub and starting there and THEN going spoons bc it's me and the girl's tradition#(calling her just 'the girl' is so funny. woman 🫵) after exams to buy each other mystery shots at spoons and we HAVE to drink them#and then one of the lads really wants to go to a karaoke bar for some reason?? so that might be in my future#AND THEN we're going clubbing. im so ready. take me home vodka shots. the end is near please please please#hella goes to uni
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i just booked to view two flats (to buy) (i'm probably not going to buy them) (i would only be co-buying them even if i did bc i can't afford a mortgage) (they're in a good location though it would be way nearer to useful things even if there's still no bus) and they asked me no questions beyond contact details when i called them about a viewing. is that normal. shouldn't they have tried to check i'm serious. i had all my answers prepared re: the finances and they didn't care
#essentially my parents had a flat but they hate being a landlord so they've sold it (subject to contract)#and in terms of what to do with the money etc at their age it makes more sense to co-buy somewhere manageable and accessible with me#and then in future if they get old and decrepit and i want to move north (and particularly if there's only one of them tho i hate that idea#they can live in the smaller accessible house/flat instead of their larger and less manageable house#so i wouldn't be tied to it but also in the meantime only have to contribute like 30k ('only') which is <3 years' rent#since my current house is 950/mo and smaller than the flats we're looking at#the rental market here is so awful and my accessibility needs are increasing so buying somewhere is beginning to look like my only option#bc i can't make changes to my rented house to make it wheelchair accessible (it has a FUCKING SPIRAL STAIRCASE)#so we're looking at ground-floor flats without carpet and i could get a ramp for the front doorstep and stuff#essentially future-proofing for my disabilities is also future-proofing for my parents getting old#the only thing i don't like about these flats is that they don't have a garden#they've got communal gardens which is something. but still nowhere private to hang your pants to dry
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Nightshade (my cat) is a little fucking bastard who bites my asscheek and tries to tear my sweater to shreds so obviously this means that I need to make him into a Beastformer bc he has a very Big Personality.
#daphnis.docx#Last night he slept in the bend of my legs RIGHT against my ass and the fucker BIT ME when I shifted a little to adjust my blanket#Also I buy him so many toys. Every monthly target run for toiletries results in me buying a toy for him#But half the time he just wants to play with my sweater#This is like. A street cat my grandma let me adopt if I paid for him to be neutered.#We ASSUME he was feral because there's a feral we think is his brother that we're trying to trap neuter release#But he's so docile and loves to be held and pet and come into the house#Idk he wasn't chipped when he was taken to be snipped so it's free cat if he belonged to someone#They let him run around flea ridden and skin and bones so
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My brain feels like it's been in a complete fog for like 6 months but I'm trying my best. That and the resurgence of nerve pain and NEW pain in my spine has been great I love bodies.
#trying to catch up on basic human things but it's like#every time i start to get anywhere#things set me back or i have another crisis that drains me mentally and physically#I've been wanting this wheelchair and i can't get it even tho it's literally like 1k off the usual 4k price#bc i just had to buy a car and spend my savings and more on fixing my old car#plus I'm not getting hired and don't have energy for auditions which is#great#I'm tired and i feel like giving up#but oh no now i have to finish maybe buying a house and dealing with family and moving#so that's fun#anyway if I'm quiet that's why I've been so isolated#the house isn't my own money obv but it's bc my grandma sold my late dad's place so she wanted me to have a place#that's the only way we're getting houses gang#i don't wanna be ungrateful it's very exciting it's just a lot and I have to be put together about if
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spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍
#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags#we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well)#and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv)#which is £300 a month#plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc#and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house#(and it is very much her house not our house)#and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either#but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us)#so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half#so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700'#so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to#and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay#and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before#but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents#and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to#(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now)#and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills#like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world#and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!!#anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃#talking
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hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy
#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again#idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here#a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that#and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon#well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving#which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL#and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible#and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe#but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility#though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year#while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless#because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own)#experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing#moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one#i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving#started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore#and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself.#it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that
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sometimes I will just suddenly wake up at 6am, randomly feeling mad about brexit
#hey remember when half the uk voted to stop europeans from being allowed to move here because the uk is racist and stupid?#and now because of it we are all poor and can't afford to heat our houses or buy food?#(i think i dreamed about a tv character i like who is from eastern europe and then in my dream i realised they wouldn't be able to easily#move to the uk nowadays and i woke up mad on their behalf)#why the fuck wouldn't we want people from mainland europe moving here anyway. most of them are really cool and i miss having them around.#i'm mad that at my university there are so many less international students than when i did my undergraduate degree. it's just not quite#such a fun vibe. and while we're at it it would be nice to have more people from ALL sorts of different countries here. it would mean less#of a high proportion of tories! isn't it hypocritical that they blame immigrants for making us poor when it is literally THEM doing the most#shitty job of running the country. anyway whatever i should go back to sleep
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me when i remember im old enough to get a motorcycle license and COULD be the bitchiest (and coolest) person at my school by taking up an entire parking spot but can't
#anii's random thoughts#just wanna ruin someones day like that lol#go buy your own parking pass you underclassmen#/j i just really want to pull up to my gfs house like GIRL GET ON WE'RE GONNA TERRORIZE YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD TODAY#and also me when bikers
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so it turns out it was actually never that serious
#the exam literally went fine what the fuck just happened i feel like i just hallucinated that#like im not one of those people that go 'omg i did soooo badly :(' just to come out with top grades if i say it's going to shit#then it's becuase i genuinely wholeheartedly believe it#and my headspace before this exam was the worst it's been in MONTHS like i havent felt that bad for an exam since first year#and i sat down opened the paper and. remembered everything. like i literally just Knew the answers#im not saying ive passed bc am i fuck about to jinx it and i was still riding mainly blind bc i have NO idea where that knowledge came from#but at the very least there was a 35 marker that i KNOW i aced like i could picture the exact lecture slides it wanted me to discuss#and i had all of them memorised so at the very least ive got like. 30 marks. which is enough for me to pass the module#bc this exam is only weighted 75% and with my marks from the other 25% i only needed like 20 marks to pass this exam#which... makes it even more embarrassing that i failed it the first time but whatever!!!!#oh my god im so glad that's done im so happy IM FREE#just been in the kitchen dancing around to my little tunes and texting my friends <3#im meeting up with one of them when she gets off work at 5 and we're going for drinks#so ive got until then to nap and chill and then ill go to the shop and get us some food and wine#and she's gonna come here for a bit & then we'll go. like actually look at me. im having people over at MY HOUSE im going out to buy us WIN#im literally a functioning adult living independently who IS she a misty memory#alas i do only have £23 in my account so this is gonna be such a slay seeing how i make that stretch for a night out#i acc could budget for england when it comes to alcohol i think like the way i manage to have a good funky time with MINIMAL funds#is downright impressive. it's a skill idc what you say#hella goes to uni
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How are things going post-move? How many boxes left unpacked? Anything hung on the walls yet? What’s your kitchen like? Said hi to any neighbors?
So far so good! Bébé's new daycare starts Monday, and I think things will feel a lot more normal and relaxed once we're all truly back in our routines and her various grandparents (who have been heroically covering childcare for the last three weeks) clear out.
There ARE some things hung on the walls, but mainly because the previous tenants left a number of nails and hooks behind, most of them in convenient places. The walls are plaster and I've been finding it unexpectedly difficult to hammer new nails in so far, so we're gonna see if the handyman can work some magic there.
The boxes question is complicated because there are some things we're just not planning to unpack, like gardening supplies (our current landladies are responsible for yard upkeep) and clothes and toys and things Bébé has grown out of but that we'd like to hold onto in the eventual event of a younger sibling—not necessarily in this house, though. Fortunately, we have a TON of space and had planned on storing such things, so nothing's feeling cluttered.
The kitchen is a good size and our stuff seems to fit! It hasn't been updated/renovated in a good few decades, so while I think the appliances might be newer, there's no island (an old IKEA table is doing that job) and generally it just needs some zhushing. But it's comfortable and serviceable.
That's been the case with the whole house, really—great for the year or two we intended to live here but not something we'd want to own, or deal with renovating in its entirety.
We've met a few neighbors (including the landladies, a married couple who live around the corner), and every single person has been lovely and welcoming! One next-door neighbor also has a very friendly gigantic black lab puppy, and Phoebe has seemed to enjoy racing him with the fence betwixt. (Benedict is big enough that I actually think she's more comfortable that way.)
Perhaps also of note is that there is a positively aces corner café literally three houses down from us on the main drag! We have all but moved in there as well.
#stars + steel city#we would really like to buy but also want to wait for rates to come down (if only) and to have our bearings a bit more#before committing to a location and mortgage and all#plus it's ALL old houses in the city so you're either paying for someone else to have done the renovations#or committing to doing so yourself in buying#so we gotta really know what we're getting into in a way that we did not and could not coming from out of town#ideally i'd rather pay for someone else to have done the work#we got VERY lucky in that regard in our last home#but tbd#is this the real life?#stpauligirl#ask me ask me ask me
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QOTD: What would your 3 genie wishes be?
1. A billion american dollars in cash, that will be transferred directly to my account with no reason for anyone to believe that it's from questionable sources (actually Idk why everyone says American dollars tbh I'd want a billion of the currency in bahrain or oman)
2. Okay honestly that's all I want for myself is enough money to not have to worry about anything so I'll think of other things
2. A discovery of some way to efficiently clean the oceans and the land of pollution and microplastics which will be applied in the way it's designed to work and won't be capitalised on
3. For my family to be happy maybe? For all my mutuals to get a huge pile of chocolates on Halloween <3
#Do you go trick or treating still?#Either way I didn't realise#Happy Halloween!!#Ask#Ari#Also if I get a billion dollars I'm getting everyone here a pizza and we're having a pizza party and then I'll buy you all houses#I kind of love having to word my wishes precisely so the genie can't mess it up#This probably still has some loopholes#Tell me if you see any
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THEY'RE BUILDING ANOTHER RACK BUILDING RIGHT DOWN THE ROAD FUCK YEAHHHH
#it better start right as this one is winding down. TWO YEARS OF WORK AT THE HOURS WE'RE DOING???#i could buy my house w cash
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i have a few house viewings i'm going to this afternoon but when i'm back i wanna write. like this for a short starter!! pls specify who you want it from tho or u know the drill. u get Zeus.
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