#was thinking of ralvez when i wrote this though
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one headcanon hill i will DIE ON is luke alvez being a natural lefty, but he taught himself to be a righty because he was raised catholic in the 70s
but he still retained his left-handedness to some extent, and as he got older and redefined his relationship with catholicism, he started alternating between hands and became ambidextrous, but still prefers his right hand in most day-to-day activities after favoring it for so many years
and then he joins the bau, and as luke gets more comfortable (1) with himself and (2) with the people around him, he stops putting so much conscious thought into which hand he uses, and maybe he gets injured or something, but at some point, spencer notices luke writing with his left hand and brings it up while they're alone, which leads to luke kinda just spilling his guts about how some older and less tolerant parts catholicism still affect him, and for the following weeks, spencer just starts writing with his left hand too because he's technically ambidextrous (his handwriting is god awful with both hands)
its just a small gesture, but it helps luke feel a little less isolated and he eventually starts using his left hand pretty regularly until penelope, the team's resident lefty since hotch left, finds out, and she makes a huge deal out of it and gets him all kinds of pens and a collection of other odd trinkets designed for lefties, and luke just feels so seen
also he's good with both his hands iykwim ;]
#lex hcs#lex rambles#criminal minds#spencer reid#luke alvez#ralvez#penelope garcia#could be#garvez#was thinking of ralvez when i wrote this though#luke alvez headcanon#criminal minds hcs#criminal minds headcanons
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A Chuisle Mo Chroi (Pulse of My Heart) | Ralvez
A Chuisle Mo Chroi (pronounced Mu Kooish-La Mu Kree) Irish term for Pulse of my Heart.
Summary - Spencer chronicles his unrequited love for his best friend in the form of letters to his mom. But when she meets the person Spencer has detailed to her, what happens when she inadvertently confesses her son's feelings for him?
A/N - Yes I mixed up the timeline. Just pretend the episode “300” happened after the episode “Luke”. Prison arc didn’t happen but Spencer’s mom was still moved to DC and Spencer still starts teaching. Also I don’t speak Irish. I googled terms of endearment from around the world and enjoyed this one the most. Thank you my darling @sassymoon for being my beta!
Anon request - Hi! Since you opened your requests I wanted to ask if you could write a sweet fluff fic/blurb for Spencer x Luke with them confessing their feelings and maybe having their first kiss? ❤️
Pairing - Spencer Reid x Luke Alvez
Category - fluff
CW - unrequited love, pinning Spencer, references to 1406 “Luke” and 1401 “300”, a single F-bomb, case related stuff, bisexual Spencer, first kiss.
WC - 5.4K
Spencer Reid loathed the term momma’s boy. Sure, he was close to his mom, when you grew up without a dad you clung to what you had left. Even if his mom didn’t recognise him half of the time, she was the only person in the whole world who understood him. When she was lucid at least.
Throughout high school all the much older kids had always referred to him as such due to the fact he spent so much time at home. What they didn’t know was that he spent all that time at home because he was looking after his mother. But he never told them as much, he’d rather them call him that than admit the truth to them.
When he moved to Virginia to join the BAU he wrote her a letter every single day. He told her everything, all the ins and out of the team, vague case details without getting graphic. He documented his meals, what books he’d read and everything else he could jam onto the page.
Over time life got in the way. His letters started becoming weekly, then monthly until the point when he’d forget the last time he’d put pen to paper and sent his mother one of the letters she loved so much.
He had to make more of an effort. She adored his letters, it allowed her to feel like she was there with him, embarking on his adventures alongside him. Spencer often thought they might be her last tangible grip on reality. So regardless of how tired he was, how busy he was, he ensured he would try to sit down at least once a week and write his mother a letter.
As of late his letters had revolved mostly around one topic, giving Spencer the opportunity to get his feelings out on paper so as to never have to admit them out loud. He was sure he’d written research papers shorter than the letters he was penning these days, and he was sure given his moms declining mental state she wasn’t reading them and if she was, she would surely not remember anything he had to say in those pages.
It was cathartic, almost like keeping a journal. He found the words flowed so easily when he had that particular subject matter on his mind.
We were on a case in New York this week, as usual I won’t go into detail. We caught the guy though, you’ll be pleased to know.
On the second day we were in the police precinct in Central Park and we both went to reach for a case file at the same time. Their hand brushed against mine and I swear I heard fireworks going off somewhere. Which is absurd because it was the middle of the day and of course there weren’t fireworks going off. But it happens a lot.
When they look at me I’m sure I can feel my IQ level drop in half. When they smile at me it’s like the whole world lights up. And those accidental touches make my heart race and make me feel giddy.
I know I’ve spent a lot of time in these letters talking about them recently and I’m sorry if it’s boring you. But I think I’m falling in love, mom, and I don’t know who else to talk to about it. Scratch that, I am in love and that terrifies me because they don’t look at me that way.
They’re one of my best friends, my teammate. I don’t even know if they like…it doesn’t matter. I just know I should not be feeling this way about them and I have to get these thoughts out of my head. I’m sure you’re not even reading these so you’ll never know anyway, but I feel lighter for having written it down. But just in case you do read these, I’m too scared to say their name.
Most letters read in the same vein. Spencer’s unrequited love was clouding his brain, causing him to be slower at making deductions and he feared it would hinder his work. Writing down his inane thoughts helped. Even if no one was reading them.
***
Hey mom,
Me again. We got back from a case in Ohio yesterday and Rossi invited us all over his place.
You know me, I’m not a big drinker, I had two glasses of wine but that was enough for me. Also I don’t trust myself around them when alcohol is involved, inebriation would loosen my tongue and I’m worried about what I might say. Those kinds of confessions are only for my letters.
They had quite a bit to drink though, I was watching them. I’m always watching them, it’s like I can’t stop myself. But I swear every time I looked up at them, they were looking right back at me smiling.
They even found me on the back patio while I was getting some air.
“Hey Spence, what are you doing out here?”
That’s what they said. There’s something about people calling me by nicknames that makes my heart soar. There’s no scientific data to back that up, love is all in the brain not the heart. It’s simply my brain releasing oxytocin and vasopressin, giving me a surge of positive emotions every time I see them.
Or hear them call me Spence.
“Just getting some air.” I told them, trying to ignore the way they were looking at me.
I don’t know how to describe it, it was like they were seeing me for the first time, really seeing me. It was as though the alcohol actually helped them see clearer, the way they looked at me, I just can’t describe it. But for a split second, I actually believed they might feel the same about me. Of course that was completely foolish of me to think but just for a moment I allowed myself to succumb to the fantasy.
“I uh…I wanted to talk to you about something.”
When they said that and stepped closer to me, I’m sure I saw a hint of nerves in their eyes and my breath caught in my throat. But then it got even stranger.
“Oh, you’ve got something…let me.”
Then they reached forward and brushed something off of my cheek. We’ve touched accidentally before but I think that might be the first time they’ve done it deliberately. I wish I could accurately describe to you the way their fingertips felt as they brushed against my skin but I’m not sure there are enough words in the English language. Or in any of the other languages I can speak.
There is a saying I recently learnt which comes close. It’s an Irish term “a chuisle mo chroi” which essentially translates to “pulse of my heart.” That’s what they feel like. They are a part of what keeps me alive. It’s the only thing I know how to say in Irish, but it seemed fitting.
Anyway, they never did get to tell me what it was they wanted to say because someone else joined us on the patio and soon we all called it a night.
I’ll never forget the look in their eyes though.
All my love,
Spencer
***
Hey mom,
Another letter for you. I realised recently I’ve spent so much time talking to you about a certain person and I don’t remember the last time I asked you how you were doing. I’m sorry for that. How are you? How is Bennington? I hope to get time to visit you soon.
We had a pretty rough case recently, one that affected someone on the team personally. I won’t give you a prize for guessing who.
I’ve never seen them like this before, I was genuinely scared they would do something to jeopardise their place on the team. They lost an old friend in the process and I’m scared it might tip them over the edge, that there may be no coming back from this for them.
It’s not my job to comfort them though, as much as I wish it was. I’m sitting here at my desk after everyone else has left for the night writing this letter so I don’t go after them. Because they already have a person to be their shoulder to cry on, and it isn’t me.
I think I’ve failed to tell you that before and maybe I just didn’t think it was necessary or maybe it was a deliberate choice, I’m not sure. They already have their own a chuisle mo chroi which makes my feelings even more redundant.
Thus far I’ve done a really good job at not allowing myself to dwell on these feelings except for when I write you these letters. But lately they’ve started to consume me and I don’t know how to make it stop.
They are all I think about. When I’m at home alone, I imagine what they are doing and it makes me sad. They’re probably cooking dinner for their partner, maybe cuddled up on the couch watching a movie or maybe even in bed…I won’t finish that trail of thought.
It hurts me to see them everyday and know they will never be mine. I value our friendship too much to risk losing it all over these feelings I have for them but I worry those feelings are slowly destroying my soul. They’re right there, right in front of me and I can’t have them. I never will. They will never be mine.
I’m sorry about this. If you’re reading these I hope my words don’t make you worry. I’m fine, really, I’m just having a hard time right now. But I’ll be ok, I always bounce back don’t I?
I love you mom, speak soon.
Spencer
***
Hey mom,
Sorry I haven’t written in a while, things got really crazy. I won’t go into detail because I don’t want you to worry about me but…
…you aren’t reading these letters, I know you’re not. So I suppose it doesn’t really matter if I go into detail.
I was abducted. Kidnapped. We arrested a cult leader and failed to see that one of his disciples worked for the FBI. She took Garcia, and I tried to save her, because you taught me to be the kind of man that does that. But it resulted in her taking me too.
If you are, on the off chance, reading these, I need you to know I’m ok. I’ve got some bruises but I’m mostly ok. If it wasn’t for the team I might not have been, the cult wanted to make me their three hundredth victim.
For as long as I live, I will never forget the way they looked at me after I was unstrapped and helped down the steps. They ran to me, panic written all over their face and if I didn’t know any better I might actually think they had tears in their eyes.
“Oh my god, you’re ok.”
They sounded as worried as they looked and then their hand was on the side of my face, gently stroking my bruised cheek.
“I thought…I didn’t think…”
It was as though they physically couldn’t get the words out. I was so hyped on the adrenaline of coming close to death that I didn’t realise it until later.
“I’m ok. I’m ok.” I assured them although I’m not sure why I was doing the assuring.
And then they flung their arms around my neck and pulled me so close, held me so tightly for a moment I couldn’t breathe. I was so close I could feel their erratic heartbeat and they buried their face into my neck and panted against my skin.
For a second I was dumbfounded. I just stood there frozen. But eventually I wrapped my arms around their waist relished in the moment because I knew it wouldn’t last. And as expected, a few seconds later we were torn apart by someone calling our names.
Is it wrong that I’d go through that whole ordeal again just to get them to hold me like that one more time? Is it so utterly absurd to say that almost dying was worth it because having them embrace me like that erased all of the fear?
I felt safe, mom. In their arms I felt safer than I’ve ever felt before. But it only hurt worse when they let go and pretended nothing had happened, following the rest of the team away.
Unrequited love is the worst feeling in the whole world. You’d think I could handle it given everything I’ve been through. But honestly, I think it’s worse than anything any unsub has ever done to me. I really don’t know how more I can take, mom.
I don’t know if I can keep working with them and being in love with them.
Love always,
Spencer
***
Hey mom,
You’ll be pleased to know I’m feeling a little better since my last letter. It’s been a few months I know, and I know I promised I’d write every week and I’m sorry.
I thought my writing down my feelings was helping but it started having the opposite effect. I decided to take a little time away from the BAU after everything that happened with the cult. I came to an agreement with the bureau to split my time between case hours and teaching classes at the university. I’m doing much better, my head is clearer and I’m not pining quite as much as I was the last time I wrote to you.
It’s still hard sometimes but I’ve learnt to live with the fact the object of my desire will never love me back. We remain friends, best friends, but that’s all it will ever be. And I’m ok with that. It’s just how it was meant to be.
I’ll come and visit you soon, I have more free time when I’m teaching. I’ll be sure to bring you some books and there’s a great little cafe I’ve discovered near the university that sells the best…
“Hey man, what are you doing?”
A voice snapped Spencer away from his trail of thought and he lifted the pen from the paper and looked up to see Luke Alvez standing over his desk.
“Oh, just writing to my mom.” He quickly scrambled to hide the letter from prying eyes even though most people struggled to read his chicken scratch, as Garcia dubbed it.
“Isn’t she living in DC now? I thought you said-“
“Yeah she is.” Spencer cut him off, stuffing the paper in his satchel. “But I uh…I forget all the things I want to say to her when I visit so I like to write it down.”
Luke was smiling at him, the kind of smile that Spencer often found himself lost in. The kind of smile he’d spent hours writing about in great detail to his mom.
“I’d like to meet her.” He leant against Spencer’s desk, seemingly not in a hurry to go anywhere.
“You would? Why?” Spencer frowned which made Luke chuckle.
“You talk about her so much I already feel like I know her. It would be nice to meet the woman behind the genius.”
Spencer didn’t think having his mom meet Luke was a good idea. Although even if she read his letters and remembered them, he’d never specified who he was talking about. But his mom knew him so well, surely if she saw the two of them together she’d be able to tell exactly how Spencer felt about Luke. Spencer wasn’t known for his subtlety. And even in her less lucid moments, Diana Reid was extremely astute.
But nonetheless Spencer found himself nodding.
“Uh…ok. Sure. I guess that wouldn’t be a problem.” He frowned a little. “I’m going to see her this weekend if we don’t get pulled away somewhere.”
“I’m in.” Luke beamed brighter than Spencer had ever seen.
“You uh…you don’t have plans with Lisa?”
Luke chuckled, leaning forward and patting Spencer’s shoulder.
“I know you’re not here all the time, Doc, but have you been living under a rock? Lisa and I split up months ago.”
Spencer hated the way his heart seemed to do somersaults in his chest at this. How had he missed that? Had he been so consumed in the overwhelming unrequited love he was feeling that he’d completely missed what was going on around him?
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Spencer hoped his voice didn’t give away how unsorry he was.
“It’s ok, these things happen. She wasn’t a, uh, good fit for me.” His eyes seemed to sparkle as he spoke but Spencer didn’t know why. He chose to ignore it. “You heading out?”
“Yeah, sure.” Spencer nodded, grabbing up his things and shutting off his computer before following Luke over to the elevators.
And he only had a handful of heart palpitations in the process.
***
The weekend rolled around without a case and as promised, Luke accompanied Spencer to visit his mom.
Spencer made a point of not hanging out with Luke outside of work, not unless the rest of the team were involved anyway. Over the years Luke had asked Spencer to grab a beer with him on multiple occasions but Spencer always made up an excuse as to why he couldn’t go.
He knew it was only due to the fact that he was the only other guy on the team around the same age as Luke. Although that did offer up some confusion as to why he still asked even after Simmons joined the team. Maybe because Matt was married with kids, Spencer didn’t have anyone to go home to, much like Luke, until he’d met Lisa anyway. And once he met her, the invitations stopped coming.
Luke picked Spencer up at ten am on the dot, just like they’d planned, he even brought Spencer coffee from his favourite coffee shop down the street with the perfect amount of sugar. If he wasn’t already smitten with this man, he would have been now.
Luke drove and they listened to the radio as they travelled to Diana’s facility, giving Spencer something to focus on that wasn’t the close proximity to Luke he found himself in. They made idle chit chat, it wasn’t lost on Luke how Spencer wouldn’t look at him.
When they pulled up in the parking lot of Diana’s facility, Luke cut the engine and turned to face the younger man.
“Does this make you uncomfortable? If you don’t want me to meet her I can just wait in the car.” Luke questioned him.
“No, no I can’t ask you to do that after you’ve driven me out here.” Spencer shook his head.
“I don’t mind. It’s nice to actually spend some time with you outside of work.” Luke felt his cheeks burning as he spoke.
Spencer frowned, noticing the way Luke reddened although he wasn’t sure why.
“I’m just worried what state she might be in. I don’t want you to meet her if she’s erratic. And as of late she’s been like that quite a lot. She barely even knows who I am half of the time.” Spencer changed the subject.
“How about I come in with you and I’ll hang back while you see how she is. If she’s not in a good state I’ll wait in the car.” Luke’s blush faded and he smiled at Spencer.
“Yeah, I guess that works.” He nodded, quickly getting out of his seatbelt and exiting the car.
Luke followed him across the parking lot and up the front steps of the building. He noticed the way Spencer clenched and unclenched his hands at his sides as he walked and it only then occurred to him what this must be like for him. It must take its toll, never knowing what state he would find his mother in, never knowing if his own mom would recognise him until it was too late.
Luke prayed in his head that today his mother would know who he was. He didn’t want Spencer to suffer that embarrassment with him here to witness it.
Spencer went on ahead into the day room while Luke hung back. He’d never been overly religious, not the way his parents were anyway, but what took place next might just make a believer out of him after all.
He watched Spencer tentatively approach the woman Luke recognised from the photograph on his desk. She was in an armchair in the window, her head in a book so much like her son. She looked up when she heard movement, looking up at the man standing before her. A few seconds passed before she suddenly leapt to her feet, throwing her arms around Spencer.
“Spencer!” Luke heard her call. “Oh how I’ve missed you.”
The size of the smile that broke out in Luke’s face could only be beaten by Spencer’s own. Spencer hugged his mother back while Luke watched, his heart feeling like it was floating out of his body. When the hug ended, Spencer turned to Luke with a smile and motioned him over.
“Mom, this is my friend Luke. Luke Alvez. We work together at the BAU.” Spencer tried to keep his expression as neutral as possible as he introduced Luke.
“It’s so nice to meet you Mrs Reid, I’ve heard so many things about you.” Luke held out his hand which Diana shook.
“Luke…” she mused as the three of them took a seat. “I’m sure Spencer has told me about you but the name doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Sure it does mom, I’ve told you about the whole team.” Spencer hated using his mothers memory loss to his advantage because she was right, he’d never mentioned Luke, not by name anyway.
“Well if you say you have, you must have.” She gave Spencer a look that told him she didn’t believe him.
“How are you finding it here in DC?” Luke spoke, sensing a strange tension between mother and son and trying to ease it.
“Oh you know, dear, a nuthouse is a nuthouse, no matter the city.”
“They prefer the term psychiatric facility, mom.” Spencer rolled his eyes.
A nurse came over and offered them drinks. Diana opted for chamomile tea, they didn’t encourage coffee drinking for the residents, while Spencer and Luke both took the caffeine route. Once the three of them were alone, Spencer spoke again.
“This is the best I’ve seen you in a long time. You seem…clear.” He said for lack of a better word.
“I feel clear.” Diana nodded with a soft smile that Luke thought was the spitting image of her sons. “The doctors say it won’t last but it’s a nice reprieve.”
“I can only imagine.” Spencer sniffed a little and Luke couldn’t help but reach out and place his hand on his arm.
Spencer turned to look at him, unshed tears behind his eyes. Diana looked between them, a small smirk tugging at her lips as she watched the way her son and Luke looked at each other.
“Friends you say?” Diana spoke up, causing Luke to quickly pull his hand away.
“Yes.” Spencer nodded, swallowing thickly. Really good friends.”
“Some might even say best friends.” Diana shook her head in amusement. “Sorry my memory is not what it used to be. So you met at work?”
“Yeah, I’ve been at the BAU for almost three years now.” Luke answered.
“What did you do before?”
“Mom, it’s not the Spanish Inquisition.” Spencer scolded her.
“It’s ok.” Luke laughed with a shake of his head. “Before the BAU I worked for the Fugitive Task Force, man hunting I suppose. And before that I was in the military, the 75th Rangers.”
“You served overseas?”
“Yeah, I did a tour in Iraq and a couple in Afghanistan.”
“Your father was a soldier.” Diana didn’t ask, she stated. She always had been good at reading people.
“He was, yes.” Luke smiled, so many things about Spencer making so much sense now he’d met his mother.
“Ok, can we stop grilling my friend now?” Spencer interjected.
“It’s not grilling, Crash, it’s getting to know him. He’s clearly important to you.” Diana spoke like she was speaking to a small child.
Spencer couldn’t help the blush that spread to his cheeks and he tried to hide it from Luke and looked down at his lap.
“Yeah he’s important to me, he’s my friend.” He emphasised the last word.
“Do you know you’re the first “friend” Spencer has ever brought to meet me?” She used air quotes around the word friend and Spencer wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
“Mom!” He cried in exasperation.
“What? It’s true.” She shrugged, not perturbed by Spencer’s tone.
Thankfully their drinks were brought over and Spencer managed to direct the conversation onto literature and what she’d been reading lately.
Luke took a backseat just content to listen. Spencer wouldn’t make eye contact with him anymore and Luke didn’t know why. He thought he was missing something but he just couldn’t pinpoint what.
**
After a few hours of conversation with Diana she started to get tired and the boys decided to let her rest. Spencer excused himself to use the bathroom before the drive back into the city.
Once they were alone together, Diana’s eyes sparkled as she looked at Luke.
“So you must be the one.” She clapped her hands together in excitement.
“The one?” Luke’s brows knitted together.
“The one in Spencer’s letters!” She looked so pleased, not deterred by Luke’s obvious confusion. “Oh I must have hundreds of them detailing this mystery person. But it has to be you. You’re the best friend my son is in love with.”
Luke felt his breath hitch in his throat as he stared at the older woman in shock. The combination of the schizophrenia and altzeimers often made her confused, that’s all this was. Luke just had to be delicate in how he approached this, not wanting to call her crazy to her face.
“Uh…I don’t think so.” He tried to laugh it off. “Maybe you’re mistaken?”
“Oh no, Spencer is very clear in his letters about being in love with his best friend. A member of the team.” She leant forward, her elbows on her knees.
“Uh…he might be talking about JJ. Definitely not me.” Luke shook his head.
“My son is incredibly smart.”
“He is.” Luke agreed.
“If he were talking about a woman he would have said she. But in every single letter he used gender neutral pronouns. He wouldn’t do that unless…” she trailed off, eyes sparkling at Luke.
“Spencer isn’t…I uh, I don’t think that he’s…” he scratched the back of his neck.
“Don’t worry, dear. He never came out to me either. But a mother always knows.” She tapped the side of her nose.
Before Luke could reply, not that he knew how to reply, Spencer returned, offering Luke a smile.
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah, sure.” Luke nodded, pushing himself to his feet. “It was nice to meet you Mrs Reid.”
“Oh please,” she smirked, standing and pulling Luke into a tight embrace. “Call me Diana.”
Spencer hugged his mom goodbye and soon the two were leaving again. They made it out to the front of the building and as Spencer was heading towards the parking lot, Luke’s voice stopped him in his tracks.
“Your mom told me about your letters.”
Spencer’s back straightened and he took a breath before he slowly turned back to face Luke.
“Letters?” He tried to buy himself some time.
“Yeah.” Luke took a few steps closer to him. “The ones where you told her about your best friend who you're in love with.”
“Ah.” Spencer sighed. “Those letters.”
“I tried to tell her it was probably just JJ.” Luke looked suddenly serious, his jaw set.
“Uh yeah.” Spencer nodded. “You got me. I’m in love with JJ. Really awkward, please don’t tell anyone.”
Spencer turned to leave again but then Luke’s hand was circling his wrist, keeping him in place.
“You didn’t use gender specific pronouns.”
“So?”
“So why didn’t you?”
“I don’t know.” Spencer shook his head. It was no wonder Luke was so good at getting criminals to confess to their crimes because he was making Spencer want to confess too.
“Yeah, you do.” Luke shrugged. “You never told me you were gay.”
“I…I’m…not?” Spencer sighed, scrunching his nose. “Bisexual maybe? I don’t really know what I’d call it, which I guess is why I’ve never told anyone.”
“So you’re in love with a guy, who is your best friend and that you work with?” Luke clarified.
“It would seem so.” Spencer felt his heart start to race. “And I inadvertently outed myself to my mother and then to you. So it’s a good day to be me.”
“I mean that only leaves three people.” Luke’s brow furrowed. “You’re not that close to Matt, and I would think Rossi was too old for you.”
“Would you believe me at all if I said it was Anderson?”
“Your mom didn’t know my name.” Luke seemed to ignore him, stepping even closer to him. “Your mom didn’t know my name because you never mentioned it did you? You spoke about me but never said my name.”
“Fuck,” Spencer hung his head. “Fine, the secrets out, ok? God I didn’t even think she was reading those letters!”
Luke swallowed and raised his hand to cup Spencer’s jaw, lifting his face so he would look at him.
“What are you trying to say, Spence?”
Spencer tried to ignore the way his heart did a cartwheel at the way Luke was touching him and the use of his nickname.
“Please just keep in mind that I don’t want to lose you ok? You’re one of my best friends and I don’t want things to be weird between us.” Tears swam in his eyes.
“Just say it.” Luke croaked.
“I…goddamnit,” his first tear fell. “I’m in love with you, Luke. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Luke kept his hand on Spencer’s face.
“Because I just ruined our friendship, right?”
Luke surprised him when he laughed, moving even closer still to him.
“You know you aren’t the only one who talks to their mom about their secret crush?” Luke chuckled with a shake of his head. “Only I’m not shy in mentioning his name.”
“You…I…I don’t understand.” Spencer mumbled.
“Yes you do.” Luke laughed again. “You’re a genius right?”
“Quantifiably.”
“Well then, what are the facts telling you, Spence? All those times I asked you out for drinks, the way I can’t keep my eyes off of you when you’re in a room. The way I can’t stop looking at your lips right now…” Luke inhaled sharply. “What do those things tell you?”
“I…I have a theory.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Hmm.” Spencer nodded.
“Wanna test it out?”
“Most definitely.”
Luke chuckled again before closing the small space between them, and still keeping his hand cupped around Spencer’s jaw, he kissed him.
Spencer whimpered against Luke’s lips, his knees buckling beneath him. The kiss was gentle but filled with so much longing it almost took Spencer’s breath away.
It was only brief and when Luke pulled away he was smiling at Spencer from ear to ear.
“I love you too, by the way.” He shrugged.
Spencer made another whimpering sound and couldn’t help himself but lean in and kiss Luke again, slightly deeper this time. Luke wrapped him in his arms and held him close.
“A chuisle mo chroi.” Spencer mumbled against his lips.
“What is that?” Luke replied.
“It’s Irish. Don’t worry about it.”
Luke chuckled, kissing him again before leaning his forehead against Spencer’s.
“Mi vida.” Luke whispered, stroking back Spencer’s messy hair.
“I speak Spanish, you know? Mi vida means my life, romantically speaking.”
“Of course you do.” Luke’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment.
Spencer let out a small sigh, running his fingers up Luke’s strong bicep, over his shoulder blade and over the base of his neck.
“A chuisle mo chroi. The pulse of my heart.” He confessed, causing Luke to kiss him once more, so passionately Spencer felt as though he was floating.
From the window, Diana smiled to herself as she watched the two men on the sidewalk, her heart soaring for her son. She continued to watch for a moment or two, a warm, fuzzy feeling enveloping her as she leant against the window frame and whispered to herself, “A mother always knows.”
#spencer reid#luke alvez#ralvez#spencer reid x luke alvez#ralvez fanfic#ralvez fanfiction#ralvez fluff#criminals minds#criminal minds fanfiction
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drunk confessions
pairing: ralvez (spencer reid x luke alvez)
summary: spencer wakes up and tries to remember what happened last night and why is there a hand hugging him?
genre: can you believe i can write fluff? with happy ending?
word count: 1.3k
cw: mentions of prison, spencer hates himself (as usual), some kissing. very gay and cute.
a\n: i wrote this for the 2k celebration of the angel who is @boldlyvoid. they asked for happy ending so i tried my best, even tho i mostly write heart breaking angst. i used the prompt "Character A has been sleep deprived forever, the first nightmare-free sleep they get is next to character B for the first time".
emily my love im so proud of you for your milestone and am proud to call you my friend! hope you like the story xx
masterlist
Science doesn't have a definitive answer to what is the first sense you feel when waking up. Some think its sight, that harsh lights will hit our eyes and wake our body up.
Others speculate its hearing, loud noises will rush our adrenaline and wake the body to an alert state.
Some scientists even say that all the senses never really go to sleep- the brain simply ignores them in favor of letting the body sleep and rejuvenate.
But this morning, the first sense I felt was touch.
I felt a strong arm around my torso, holding me close to them, pulling me towards the body that was pressed to my back.
If it wasn't for the headache and hangover I clearly had, I probably would have figured out sooner how I ended up in this situation, but my mind was too slow on this early Sunday morning.
My next sense to wake up was sight. I opened my eyes slowly and waited for them to adjust to the rays shining from the window, my bedroom window.
Ok, so I'm definitely at my house and not at a stranger's bed. But the question still remains, who does the mystery hand belong to? And why does it make me feel so comfortable i don't want to ever pull away?
The brown hand that hugged me started moving, but I was still too afraid to turn around and face them.
Hearing came next, and I heard some yawns and hums from the person behind me. As my mind was still foggy from the alcohol of last night, it took me some time to realize the person was laying small kisses on my neck, and pulling me impossibly closer to them.
“Good morning sleepy head, how did you sleep?”
Now that voice I could recognize in any state of mind. The voice of the man I fantasize about in lonely nights, the man who made me feel like I'm safe by just being beside him.
The man that most definitely cannot love me the same way I love him. Turning around to face the curly haired beauty beside me, I looked at him with eyes open wide and shocked expression.
“L-luke? Wh-what are you doing here? In my bed?”
The sleepy angel just laughed, and moved his hands from my stomach to my face. The few seconds that went on without him touching me felt so cold, I never imagined I could crave someone's touch that much.
“Baby, do you not remember last night?”
I nodded my head no and couldn't find any words to speak. Hearing him call me baby turned my brain into mush and I lost all ability to think. How did he manage to do that? Make me melt and lose my wits with just his touch?
Luke rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks and a wide smile spread across his face. I wish I could see this smile all day for the rest of my life. His smile radiated so much warmth that I felt like it could produce electricity better than any nuclear plant could ever try.
He was sunshine personified and I was lucky enough to get him to hold me.
“Last night, you called me drunk at around 10pm, claiming you couldn't sleep and asked me to come help you.
You said that since prison you haven't had a good night sleep, and you need some company”
I nodded along to his story, even though it was very hard to concentrate when his hands were holding me and his eyes looked deep into my soul. I felt like he could feel all of my emotions and he knows me better than I could ever know myself, I would trust my life with him. And I did.
“When I came over you were wasted, so I helped you brush your teeth and get into bed. But after I tucked you in and tried to go back to the living room, you started crying.
Do you remember why spencer?”
Shit. it all came back to me now.
Drunk love confessions and asking Luke to hug me to sleep. Rambling about how close human contact can help relieve nightmares and PTSD and how all I wanted was someone to hug me.
But that was a lie, I didn't want just anyone. I wanted Luke.
Ever since I came out of prison all I wanted was to kiss him, but I was too afraid of rejection. I was willing to let my emotions hide forever because I was sure he would never want me back. And here I am, being a drunk mess, confessing my love.
I moved away from his touch, even though it felt like I was taking my life force away from me. I had to hide my face from him, my embarrassment eating me alive.
“Fuck luke, I- I am so sorry. I was just drunk and a mess i didn't mean to- to a, you know make you uncomfortable”
But I couldn't really get away. His strong arms gripped my waist once again and pulled me close, our noses almost touching. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think about anything but him.
“I guess you remembered how you confessed your love to me, am I right?”
My eyes shut and I nodded slowly, bowing my head down. But I couldn't hide my shame much longer, when Lukes fingers lifted my chin to meet him.
“Hey, look at me please”
I opened my eyes, and instead of seeing anger, I saw glitter in his eyes when he looked at me. I saw a whole universe waiting for me to discover it, a whole universe who wants me to come and look around it.
“Here is my pretty boy. I think that the alcohol messed up your big brain and you forgot one crucial part”
Lukes face came closer to mine, his lips barely brushing mine.
“You forgot when i said i loved you back”
My breath stopped once again, and I tried to look at him to find any clues to figure out if he was lying. It can't be true, it can't be that a man like Luke Alvez will be interested with some damaged goods like me?
But his eyes were closed, and even though I couldn't see them, I could feel all the love that his touch held, I could feel his heart beating in sync with mine.
“Now if your confession was a drunken mistake and you don't really love me, then I will go and we can forget that this night ever happened.
But since I know this is the first night you slept without any nightmares in a while, I feel like you still want me close. Am I right?”
I was still stuck. How can I answer this question? How do I know I'm not dreaming still and in a moment I will wake up in some small hotel room in the middle of nowhere?
But even worse, how can I let this man love me, when everything I touch turns into dust? I ruin everything I love, and I can't let that happen to him.
“Spencer”
His voice took me out of my reverie and I looked into his eyes, where his pupils were blown wide with love? Lust? I'm not really sure.
“Can you please answer me? I would like to kiss you now”
All I could do was smile and nod, and let myself be embraced by the soft lips of his. I found myself hoping we hadn't kissed when I was drunk because I want to remember every time I get to taste his lips. I want to remember every moment he consumes me with his presence, I want to feel every time he graces me with his touch.
I want to belong to him forever and I want this kiss to never end.
But even when my Luke ended the kiss, it was only so he could tell me the sweetest words I've ever heard anyone say.
“I love you spencer. I can't wait to spend forever with you”
tell me what you think here!
#BoldlyvoidWritingChallenge#ralvez#spencer reid#luke alvez#spencer reid x luke alvez#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#luke alvez fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic
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Rejected S.R. Requests (14)
Hello everyone! I am unfortunately back with another set of Rejected Requests (Pt 1, Pt 2, Pt 3, Pt 4, Pt 5, Pt 6 , Pt 7 , Pt 8 , Pt 9 , Pt 10, Pt 11, Pt 12, Pt 13)
I understand this is very disappointing for many of you. I promise it has nothing to do with you, and mostly it’s just because my brain has decided it doesn’t want to cooperate.
I will post the rejected fics below the cut. I want to give you the opportunity to ask another Writer (check the list of Writers currently seeking requests here!) For some, I’ve already allowed another author to take a whack at it, and I’ll link to them below!
Here is the list for anyone who might want to pursue the request with someone else, or for any writers that are looking for inspiration.
Great news, friend! Although I am rejecting this request, it's because I already have a fic just like this! It's actually one of my most popular fluff fics and it's even called Astraphobia (fear of storms). I hope it can scratch the itch for you!
Oh, boy, do I have great news for you. I've written so many fics like this that it actually has a dedicated section in my Fics by Category Masterlist. Scroll on to the NSFW Category and you'll have a list of all of my virginity fics! I also have — not joking — five other requests for this in my inbox right now.
Hey friend! As much as I love Autistic Reader, I'm currently struggling to write anyone besides Spencer. However, my friend @reidgraygubler wrote this for you! You can find it here 🥰
Oh, boy, as much as I relate to being a grumpy goose when I've got a migraine, I'm not sure I'm up to writing angst like this. I think we interpret Spencer slightly different (totally fine!), because I mostly see him being really sad, rather than angry.
Still, I know my angst lovers would enjoy this, and I hope someone can pick it up for you!
Gah, I feel so bad rejecting this one but I've gotten it several times before and, unfortunately, the same issues persist. Not only do I not have ADHD, I've struggled immensely trying to figure out how I would even depict that in a meaningful manner. I've asked several writers with ADHD if they would give it a shot, but they all basically say the same thing.
I might be able to write a fic if you gave me a more detailed plot request, but I'm afraid that most of the ideas I've come up with are either equally applicable to everyone (including NTs) or also fit a much wider category of people. For example, I have a fic that could definitely be interpreted as having ADHD, I just chose to mark it as depression, instead. You can read Melancholia here!
I’ve also made you a rec list of the existing ADHD Reader fics, which you can find here!
I'm gonna be honest with you: I've never experienced this! It sounds like a humblebrag, but I'm mostly just not sure what it would look like. I love learning to an unhealthy degree, so imagining a scenario where I put myself in the mindset of someone who struggles to focus is... difficult 😅
Hey friend! I’m so glad that you enjoyed my Ralvez/Reader fics. I actually have a second fic for them, which is SFW (Three’s Company). Unfortunately, I don’t see myself coming up with a prompt for them anytime soon. Healthy OT3 prompts are hard to write, and I don’t have any plot ideas at the moment.
You’re so sweet! This idea is so funny, but I don’t think I have it in me to write another labor scene 😂 I do have one in the epilogue to my mini-series Phoenix, if you’re interested!
Hey friend. I’m so sorry, but I don’t think I’ll get to this request. I’ve actually denied a similar request twice before because I don’t have any ideas 😭 and lately I’ve been very averse to Readers with specific traits because they perform so poorly.
I really hope that someone can write it for you, though! I know a lot of people would love to read it.
Awe, this is such an adorable visual! Unfortunately I'm not sure how I could satisfactorily transition it to a fic. That being said, I absolutely love the thought and I hope someone cleverer than I can write it for the both of us!
That’s it for now, folks! If you’ve read this far… Thank you!
Sorry for all of you that I denied, but I hope that this clears you to ask some of the other authors here!
Thank you for your support. I appreciate all of you more than I can explain!
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for the ship thing- ralvez?
okayy thanks Allie
Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling/vice versa
Spencer does all the time when he's lost in thought, and it takes him a couple seconds to realize why he's not walking forward anymore. So alot of the times Luke sneaks in front of him to open the door so he doesn't interrupt his boyfriend's beautiful brain.
Who doodles little hearts all over the desk with their initials inside them
Spencer watched a movie once where they wrote hearts with each others initials in it, and now is under the impression that it is a rite of passage when courting someone. So he specifically writes little hearts on case reports and then gives them to Luke early in their dating, which confuses him slightly but Penelope explains it to him.
Who starts the tickle fights (not really comfortable writing about this one, really sorry)
Who starts the pillow fights
Spencer hits Luke with a pillow one time when he's super sleep deprived, and Luke cannot let it go. In his opinion, Spencer started a war. I like to think if they have kids Luke instigates, and Spencer pretends to be above it until he has a 6 year old tackling him in the legs.
Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile
We know Spencer's good at falling asleep fast (he does it on the jet), and I think with Luke he's out even faster. Luke's past means it takes a while for him to let his guard down and fall asleep, but he loves watching Spencer when he dreams.
Who mistakes salt for sugar
Both of them, Spencer because he never has a good enough prescription to see, and Luke because he moves to fast to check labels on things.
Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1am in the morning.
Neither of them does at first, they're both too considerate of eachothers sleep. But one time Spencer does, and Roxy fixes him with the biggest death glare that he never does again.
Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines
Derek gives Spencer dating tips, so he always uses cheesy lines, but Penelope gives Luke advice, and she always knows exactly what Spencer wants.
Who rearranges the bookshelf in alphabetical order
Spencer actually has it coordinated by the Dewy Decimal system, and Luke is not allowed to put books back.
Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies
They both do, Luke is cooking and takes a lick and then holds the spoon up for Spencer who's sitting on the counter reading.
Who buys candles for dinners even though there’s no special occasion
Spencer is very very specific about smells, and he doesnt like alot of them. But one time they're shopping together and Spencer falls in love with the smell of this once candle. They buy it of course, but then Luke makes sure to keep the house stocked with exactly that type of candle.
Who draws little tattoos on the other with a pen
Luke does, when Spencer is reading. He writes positive notes on Spencer's arm where there are old self harm scars and needle scars.
Who comes home with a new souvenir magnet every time they go on vacation
Luke brings home the magnets, and Spencer keeps a collection on the fridge.
Who convinces the other to fill out those couple surveys in the back of magazines
Luke tries to make Spencer do it, but he keeps going on about the inaccuracies of the questions so he gives up and kisses him instead.
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TB&TB Anon Answers! 🐇 [NSFW]
1. Ah, I absolutely adore when people quote me back @ me 😭 It's so sweet and it makes my day every time (especially when I forgot what I even wrote, like right now).
Also, who ever said omg and wowow aren't real words? They are my preferred form of communication 😌
2. You flatter me! Love definitely exists, and I can't wait for you to find it. I'm so excited to show you all more of Penelope! She is not over yet!
Which reminds me, do you y'all have any strong feelings about wanting to see her interact with the team more (like karaoke)? I don't really have any planned, and I'm not sure it would actually be productive for the plot. I might write a little spin off fic for it one day, though. As always, you can let me know here.
3. Never worry about not reading it right at release! I love when people message me a long time after, it just reminds me that people are still stumbling upon my mess and enjoying themselves.
I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed Part 18! I knew it would be a hard one for a lot of people. It was so cathartic to write, and I was shocked by how nice everyone was about it.
For those who missed it, I actually finished Part 21, I just realized today that I never went and updated Part 20 to add a link. You can read Part 21 here! Thanks for sticking around, and I hope you enjoy H2M.
Also... you're fantastic!
4-6. You are so sweet for doing this for me. I really appreciate you, and I hope you know that. It really makes my day every time.
Penelope is one of the most difficult characters to write for me! I honestly think she is one of the most creative characters, and I often find myself unable to string something unique enough together to sound realistic to me. So, I'm very glad you all think it works!
Garvez was stolen from us, and I refuse to accept it. They are in love. Let them be in love, CBS 😭 (or at LEAST give us Ralvez).
He's such an asshole sometimes, lmao. I have an interaction later between Penelope and Spencer that I think encapsulates their relationship well. I wish CBS had gone more into their friendship, because I think it's one of the most valuable ones on the show. (I mean, come on... "If Reid dies, I quit"? Gold.)
I'm always torn between whether Spencer would definitely want to fuck in a library, or NEVER fuck in a library (what if the books get damaged?!).
I'm so glad you caught the petals/feathers part! I didn't get a lot of comments on that section on the other platforms and I felt so clever when I wrote it 😅
Man, the Russian bits in this were just straight translations ripped from a site of "romantic sayings in Russian." If anyone can speak Russian, hmu, lmao. I would much rather have someone to run it by if I can!
Ah, yes... I mentioned it before, but I think it's important for close Readers to realize how dependent the two are on physicality to express themselves. Spencer should probably work on that, huh... ? Wonder why he's doing that...
I fear I have nothing to say to this line beyond 🌝...
I'm glad to hear it didn't drag on. It certainly felt like forever writing it 😂 I've been very exhausted lately by work + social life, but I am thrilled to be back to writing this weekend.
Thank you again, friend. I look forward to hearing from you again, and I hope that you continue to enjoy yourself both in and out of my blog. You are amazing and deserve the world!
7. Awwwe, that's so kind of you to say. I'm glad to hear everyone enjoyed my version of Penelope, I'm always worried that people will disagree with my characterizations. Penelope will be back in a big way later, and I absolutely cannot wait to show you.
I think this is probably the story I reread the most. Partially because I need to remember for a scene I'm writing, and also because I'm always surprised by my own writing, lol! I never remember what I wrote!
8. Ah, you know what, I didn't have any other scenes like that planned! But now that you've pointed it out, I will add one 🤗 It suits that part of the narrative well.
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