feeling very in the muddy middle of this jamie fic im writing >:/ was full steam ahead writing about his childhood and the start up to the series but now that ted is here i am feeling a Touch lost in da swamp

So so much of sexuality comes down to wanting to feel wanted. How we experience the rush of feeling wanted and desired changes from group to group and person to person. It’s astonishing how many people condemn desires and actions and behaviors and kinks from groups they aren’t a part of or people they don’t know simply because they can’t trace back how it makes someone feel wanted.

The worst mindset you can labour under is the idea that your pain not only represents every person like you but that your pain also must be Meaningful - especially when applied to politics or minority groups.

It's so tempting to want to justify your pain, the injustices you faced, the abuse you endured. But by making it so that your pain is the standard, your pain will define the way you move in the world. It feels liberating in a sense, believe me. But this won't solve the issue that you have been hurt. The anger you feel at the injustice that you were mistreated isn't your fault, but it shouldn't ever be made standard. It shouldn't be the baseline of existence for anybody, including you.

ok not to be too earnest but. service top crowley in a snit because he had dreamed of making aziraphale cum a dozen times in a row as they made love for the first time is so so funny. but also, the first thing aziraphale wants to do with crowley’s power is take care of crowley. and crowley accepts it! and as much as aziraphale wants to fuck him nasty on every continent, he’s also gently trying to get crowley to accept some pleasure for himself (those two things being related) and it’s actually very lovely 😭

ugh they’re both just too much for my fragile sensibilities… they are both doing the bridgerton season 2 jonathan bailey “i am a gentleman” speech but both yelling it so loudly that the words are overlapping and they can’t hear each other. and also! nobody is stopping you from fucking nasty on every available surface, you both just like the drama!

'Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.' What happens then, when the line separating that knowledge blurs?

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also also ‘the cure was unlikely to have worked/saved that broken world’ and ‘that didn’t factor into joel’s decision he would have saved ellie anyway if it could have worked’ are statements that can and do coexist.

taking a niche ship and using their character traits and dynamic for original works.. very tempting

here's some recent flubs + failures from the past month!

There is a weird kind of ick to me when dog button people allude to the fact that a dog can be “taught” to communicate. As if they don’t communicate already? As if westernized Americanized human English is the be all end all of communication? Like fuck off.

*Takes a huge deep inhale*

I truly believe that the smarter you are, the smarter other people should feel after talking to you and I'm not kidding.

i wish we didnt call it thoshei i get that it's about the best we can do for a smushed-up pairing name but - hear me out - a combined pairing name that uses neither character's actual name just... isn't? especially when the names they do use for themselves and each other are such a Thematic Thing? so it's like. the worst possible pairing name we could be using for this pairing?

an impulse i don't get—

or rather, so as not to be disingenuous, an impulse i get perfectly well but strongly dislike when i'm faced with it, which means i need to reexamine it in myself when i generate it—

is the impulse to sit in judgment about What Counts As Queer. like. yeah, okay, i do get it really, we're all disempowered by hegemonic culture and setting ourselves up as petty kings shores up our egos! but if there's anything i've loved about discovering queerness in and for myself, it's been the realization that there were worldviews beyond my own—and that there still are, almost certainly! that the world is a firework show of exploding possibility, and that i and my current understanding of myself and everyone else are just one bright spark in a whole connected series of them, and that more will come after me, bringing new colors and configurations to my field of vision, if i just keep my eyes open…

and so i just always feel. god. how close-minded, to shut your eyes to someone else's vision of queerness, to say not just 'that isn't a version of queerness that i recognize or feel represented by,' but to say categorically, 'that isn't queer'! if someone's saying in all sincerity, 'this feels alien to the framework i grew up with, and exciting or comforting or both to me'—i want to hear them out, and make space in my own understanding for a multiplicity of queernesses. i'm not always perfect at it! but i want to.

because what's the alternative? join with the biphobes and transphobes who would've said my gq4gq relationship with my transfem ex was really just straight, or at least enough of a union of opposites for government work? join with the aphobes and arophobes who are constantly insinuating that if you're not actively sucking or fucking, you're a square—never mind those of us who are isolated, or traumatized, or anxious, or any of the thousand other reasons why our queerness might not be siting itself in sex or romance, right now or ever! join with the people who sneer at poly and flinch from kink, as if reexamining those relational conventions were somehow cleanly separable from reexamining all the other ones—as if we should want it to be?

anyway, this is about a lot of things, really, and at least one of them i pretty actively don't want to talk about in specific; but i just think, god, i wish we could all learn a little more generosity, and a little more humility. we know the world, and the human heart, encompass more than is dreamt of in kyriarchal philosophy; why then are we so resistant to the idea that they might also encompass more than is dreamt of in our own? movement after movement of queers have come, and built, and been built upon in turn; our personal convictions are not, i feel certain, the final course to be laid down on the great work of enlightenment and liberation—and how depressing it would be, if they were!

god, rereading that scene after doing a bit of a beviin deep dive is making me want to write a oneshot where beviin is actually there for one of boba's panic attacks... why must inspiration always strike right before bedtime? ;_;

Rehashing a pain point with the Horizon franchise…

Why is there no mention of any real tribal nation in the game? No reference at all. The erasure of APOLLO didn’t remove the visions at the Grove, or any of the artifacts Aloy finds in her exploration. You’re telling me it makes narrative sense to have 30 minutes of Dutch artwork analysis and its historical significance, but not a single mention of any indigenous society? There are ZERO datapoints or ruins related to native people throughout the entire world that could have influenced Horizon-era culture?

😒 SIDE EYE 😒 It is that way because the devs made it so. Everything in a narrative is a choice.

is it just me or do the labels “platonic” and “romantic” kinda fail to have meaning when applied aggressively to a fictional dynamic by people with vastly different definitions of those terms

My commitment to keeping the original english words in my translyrics is gonna be the death of me sdfsdss