I know nothing about jojo. Teach me it out of context

part 1 phantom blood. um jonathan (British) has some personal problems with his adopted brother dio brando (also british) and then dio kills their dad and becomes a vampire. jonathan gets shounen powers and a guy survives for like fifteen minutes after being cut in half. dio gets decapitated so jonathan went and got married but then dios decapitated head appeared on the boat and was like jonathan i respect you so i want to use your decapitated body as my own. and jonathan was like dude thats kind of fucked up but the boat blew up and dio did it anyway. erina survived though

im putting these under a cut cause it got long as fuck but heres your jojo summaries

part 2 battle tendency is like. joseph who is jonathans thotty grandson teams up with caesar zeppeli (italian) (gay) to defeat the pillar men which include kars (milf) esidisi (milfs live in boyfriend) wamuu (adopted son). another milf called lisa lisa trains them into their shounen powers and then esidisi shows up and kills the teachers aides and possesses lisa lisas assistant and then dies. basically they all get into this arena deathmatch involving zombie horses and kars grows wings and runs around all sexy for a little bit before getting launched into space. caesar gets crushed by a stone cross after making a gay ass speech. love loses. also it turns out lisa lisa was josephs mom the whole time.

part 3 stardust crusaders i kind of hate but i love the characters so basically jotaro kujo (josephs grandson) um he gets his stand and hes like whats this evil spirit i have to be locked in prison for everyones protection. and then his mom gets a stand too but sike women arent people so shes going to die. this is of course dios fault and they have to kill dio. kakyoin tries to kill jotaro and then jotaro pulls the worm out of his head and theyre best friends after that. polnareff tries to kill avdol and avdol sets him on fire and theyre [redacted] after that. they all go on a wacky roadtrip to cairo to kill dio during which kakyoin feeds a baby its own shit and avdol fakes his death for a little over a week. killing dio doesnt go great and vanilla ice sucks avdol into the void and kills their dog iggy and i hate watching that part. kakyoin is crushed under the weight of his own hubris. dio thinks hes sexy for being able to stop time but jotaro can also stop time and he kills dio. jotaros very traumatized due to the entire experience. for some reason both polnareff and joseph survive. the end

part 4 diamond is unbreakable is basically josuke higashikata whos josephs kid out of wedlock hunting down a serial killer with a hand fetish. jotaro is there hes a marine biologist now and josuke is technically his uncle. theres also josukes best friend okuyasu theyre a lil gay but thats alright we like them. also got short king koichi and yukako. and evil twink mangaka rohan. its like murder mystery except a lil more fucked up cause its jojo. ultimately kira (murderer with hand fetish) gets his ultimate powers that manipulate time and space but it doesnt even matter cause josuke has protagonist disease okuyasu dies for like 10 mins but he gets better. kira gets punched into the street by jotaro and then an ambulance runs him over and he dies.

part 5 vento aureo is giorno giovanna whos dios kid but hes also jonathans kid bc dio fucked with jonathans body and thats how giorno was born. he kind of acts like dio if dio had jonathans moral code and hes blond. anyway hes 15 and he joins the mafia because he wants to end heroin abuse and he ends up getting god timespace manipulation powers and killing the boss diavolo but half of his friends are killed horribly so that sucks. and then he becomes the don of the italian mafia. and hes still 15. also polnareff is there for a minute he gets killed sort of but his ghost possesses a turtle so hes giornos turtle after that i guess.

part 6 stone ocean my favorite part cause theres finally lesbianism. jolyne who is jotaros daughter is in prison bc she got framed for murder by her boyfriend. jotaros been an absent father due to him having personal problems. he shows up to break her out of prison but he gets his soul and his stand turned into discs and pulled out of his head and he goes into a coma and most of the rest is jolyne trying to get the discs back. she has 2 girlfriends called hermes and foo fighters who is technically a mass of sentient plankton. weather report (sexy) and anasui (ugly) are also there. the main antagonist is pucci who is a priest and was also dios best friend when he (pucci) was 16 for some reason. by the end they get jotaros discs back and pucci successfully starts manipulating reality itself and it turns out weather report was his brother all along and their backstory is REALLY fucked up and then jotaro comes back and anasui is like jotaro can i marry your daughter and hes like no and then everyone gets killed and pucci resets the universe but emporio the ten year old theyve been hanging out with gets weather reports stand and uses it to follow pucci through the universe resets and he ends up creating one where pucci never existed. it ends with “irene” kujo meeting hermes and anasui/weather report are also there. its implied that this is a new universe where none of the bad shit ever happened. emporio is crying. it kind of sucks

part 7 steel ball run i really dont know how to summarize but basically johnny joestar whos like alt universe jonathan but actually not really like that at all. hes also paralyzed from the waist down and he wishes he wasnt. um he meets an italian (gyro zeppeli) and they go on a horse race across america to track down the body of christ. they meet diego brando whos like dio but hes more about class warfare than megalomania and hot pants who has a stand that lets her turn her flesh into spray. diegos stand is that he can turn himself and other living things into dinosaurs. johnny can shoot his fingernails like bullets. anyway they end up fighting the president of the united states (funny valentine) who was trying to turn lucy steele whos only like 14 into a vessel for the corpse of jesus or something and he kills gyro and hotpants and diego and johnnys like this sucks but sends him into an infinite death loop bc hes a dimension hopper but he just keeps dying over and over again in any dimension he goes into. and he deserved it

part 8 jojolion i havent read but gappy seems like a nice guy

Who's your favorite ygo character so far

bakura :)

Oh wait it's your birthday too iirc- happy birthday!

it is! thank you!! i’m 24 today!

happy birthday to you too!!

X from Mega Man X?

X from Mega Man X is Morosexual!

What can I say? I'm a giver.

🎁

🎁- Favorite character design

I'll admit, I love all the designs in Cookie Run. They're just so perfect, I really couldn't choose only one...

...although, Moonlight's design has been growing on me as of late. Perhaps it's because of the City of Wizards event. But she's goddamn gorgeous and I'll fight anyone who dares to disrespect my moom.

Olivia from PKMN, or the bunny hero from BNHA 👀

im love bunny hero but

olivia free

X

Xion!!!! 😄

Put a letter from A-Z in my ask and I’ll tell you 1 thing I love which starts with that letter.

20-30

20. least favorite pokemon game

i mean if this means Main Games which it probably does, uhhhhh the original diamond and pearl were lik.. super oddly distributed pokemon wise. red and blue also were full of nonsense glitches but gameboy games be like that. platinum and firered/leafgreen fix most of my issues w these gens tho!

21. favorite legendary/mythical pokemon

for legendary, i love latias because i remember when the latias and latios movie came out my mom bought me the dvd when i came home from school (with the cards in it) but she wouldnt let me watch it till i did my homework (but i got to take the cards out and look at them first) also that movie slaps. mythical wise i love mew, shaymin, and marshadowww

22. least favoritelegendary/mythical pokemon 

i dont like the uh thundrus tornadus landrus? trio of legendaries. they are ugly and strange and dont fit into bws lore at all. mythical wise... idk the one that looks like a chew toy.. volcanion? its ugly.

23. favorite music track from a pokemongame 

the whole explorers of sky ost.. it goes

24. your favorite team of pokemon you’ve ever had 

kdasdsa so many... im fond of my og sun team i guess, but thats because they were recently used.

IM TIRED ILL ANSWER THE OTHERS ANOTHER TIME..

Let's be naughty with this- would you rather Lea die in khiii or Isa :3c

lea no i will not discuss this no i will not give reasons moving on goodbye

vulturousculturalist replied to your post “Square Enix Final Fantasy IX HD Remake Challenge”

fuck everyone else I respect YOU

I’m not a praying bear but Hiroyuki Ito if you’re out there--

I am selfish for the attention so what's the deal w vulturousculturalist

vulturousculturalist my good friend and notorious megaman stan. very powerful person. not exactly intimidating anymore but if you told me you were on your way to commit property damage for whatever reason i would believe you. also its really fun to watch you be excited about robots it genuinely creates serotonin in my brain

hey bro give me ur xzero headcanons

this is it this is all I have to say.

(ok it's not I have. a decent amount to say on these two, most of which is just really stupid)

first off they are peak morosexual/himbo representation you cannot fight me on this I know I'm right and you agree with me

>X is chronically petty and jealous. he tries to repress it because he's a nice person but he just is and it's hilarious. X4 is a nightmare for him he sees Zero and Iris and he's like "wow I'm so happy for you guys :))))" and is almost aggressively supportive to try and hide the fact that he's Really Not Ok With This Oh God meanwhile Zero is just completely fucking oblivious like "hey maybe you and Iris could hang out and be friends :)" and X is just,,,,no thanks :)). this even extends to X8 where Layer very obviously has a crush on Zero but he does not realise (be real, does he even know Layer's name?) and definitely doesn't reciprocate but at any mention of Zero and Layer working together X is just like Oh That's Nice and IMMEDIATELY changes the subject to avoid thinking about it. they're both just so fucking stupid.

>Zero is absolutely appalling at flirting. he just can't do it. he got X to fall for him purely on accident via Grand Gestures Of Friendship and X was so endeared by that and the whole sacrificing himself to save him thing. but when Zero actually tries to flirt it's a complete disaster he's so blunt and he has no idea what to say and it's generally pretty funny to watch. Axl and Alia keep a list of the stupidest things they've heard Zero saying while trying to flirt with X. it's a long list.

>they pick up on each other's mannerisms from spending a lot of time together, most notably Zero picks up X's affinity for swearing all the fucking time. I feel like due to Wily's busted programming, Zero initially doesn't have the best vocabulary and grasp on language so he tends to imitate other people and it turns into a habit and due to his extended time spent with X and X's status as an angry bitch he picks up on a lot of swears and just starts saying them occasionally much to the amusement of everyone around him. one day he drops something in front of everyone at maverick hunter hq and just completely deadpan goes "aw fuck" and everyone loses it. X finds it very endearing

>every other date night gets crashed by Alia because she's a disaster and they just try to get her a date because she's completely hopeless on her own. they're the only people in a stable relationship she's friends with but they're terrible at advice, especially X because "just because I'm dating Zero doesn't mean I know how I did it, Alia". they're her emotional support couple. meetups with Alia usually end up with them all drunk off their arses and bitching about random shit together. idk how robots get drunk but I've decided they can because the idea of Alia's drunken rambling about Gate while X and Zero look at each other like that one Shrek reaction image is hilarious to me

>getting sad for a second here but I think after X4 (the whole thing with Iris and finding out about what he was like when he was Rabid from Sigma) Zero would have a really hard time feeling ok in any kind of relationship, let alone a romantic one. he feels really bad about everything and is worried that he'll just end up hurting the people he cares about again so he tries to push X away but X just isn't having it and makes sure he doesn't isolate himself completely. Zero has a lot of trouble with trust, both trusting other people and trusting himself to be around them that X helps him through as his best friend and it makes them closer as they bond over the shit hands they've both been dealt in life. Zero needs a lot of reassurance and is fucked up over this for a while because trauma will do that to a person but X makes sure he's always there to help whenever he can. Zero eventually begins to open up more again (though he's still decently closed off) and I think this is how he'd realise that he likes X, it just slowly creeps up on him over time until he Realises. and he's fucking terrified because he still remembers what happened last time he cared for someone like this and he desperately doesn't want a repeat of that, not with X of all people. eventually though they both work everything out for the better and tbh they're both absolute messes but they compliment each other in a way and are probably the best people to help each other through this bullshit. they r in lov and that's what matters,,, thank u

on a less serious note, Axl sees them together for the first time and is immediately like "damn gay people are real?" and when the public realise they're dating Zero saber-dash-cancels all the homophobes thank you and goodnight

Happy Birthday birthday buddy

thank youuu~~

For the ask meme- tell the deets about mario

okey!

How I feel about this character: i love him. good brother and good hero

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: mmm idk peach is a bit popular so maybe that and also bowsette

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: luigi!! best bros in the universe

My unpopular opinion about this character: mario is not a psychopath/sociopath despite what the game theorists tell you!! miss me with that ‘doesn’t care for his bro’ bullshit

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: idk. hes already perfect i couldnt ask for more. more brotherly interactions with luigi we dont have nearly enough

Favorite friendship for this character: besides luigi, his friendship with starlow or almost any third/temporary companion is good (i.e. stuffwell, starlow, goombette, bow, geno/mallow, idk im a sucker for the RPGs)

My crossover ship: um!! the only one off the top of my head (more of a crackship) is mario and link (i dont necessarily ship it but its not like i wouldn’t)

👀

when i was about 13 i used to do mini triathlons (swimming, biking, and running) with my swim team. the running portion was last, and during this particular race i got lost. in all fairness the path wasn’t marked very clearly and there weren’t any other runners/event volunteers around, so at a place where i should have turned around and backtracked i just kept going. this race was held in a part of town i didn’t know at all, and this was before i had a phone or anything. so i ended up running an extra 3 miles by doing a greenway loop i wasn’t supposed to, and coming in dead last. if you google my irl name i’m pretty sure the race results still pop up lmao.

i remember we went to ihop afterwards? and at that point i was so exhausted/stressed/busy trying not to break down i’m not sure i was able to properly explain to my parents what happened. so there’s a chance they genuniely thought it took me nearly 2h to finish a race that i should have done in half an hour. anyways what happened there haunts me to this day and is definitely a peak dumbass moment