2024.02.20 // tuesdays are for vanderpump rules. 💖

ARIANA MADIX | Season 10 reunion

The new season of Vanderpump Rules is airing in a month and I’m so not ready for the world to turn on Ariana.

For those of you who don’t know, Ariana’s long term bf (9 years, owned a home together) was cheating on her with one of her best friends and cast mates for 7 months. The discovery and fallout went viral and became a pop culture sensation (covered by the news, major talk shows, etc etc). The world rallied behind Ariana and she turned the scandal into lucrative business deals including a book, a majorly successful run on DWTS, and now a role in Chicago on Broadway.

The problem is, people have short memories, especially when it comes to women and their pain and anger.

I’m reading a book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith L. Herman, and in it she discusses how people are more comfortable siding with the abuser / oppressor because it requires nothing of them except to pretend the abuse never happened. When we side with the “victim” we take on their pain, we empathize with them, and this can take a toll. It’s a lot easier to put it out of your mind than it is to take up for the person who was harmed.

We already saw this start to happen after the reunion aired (in Bravo reality tv, the cast watches the show and then gets together for a reunion where they confront each other over what they watched). At the reunion Ariana was angry and she didn’t hide it. She had only found out about the affair a few weeks prior and the pain was fresh. She didn’t hide her hurt, her rage, or her pain. It was truly cathartic and beautiful to watch, but many people started to turn on her. They were willing to rally behind her when she was the saintly victim of an affair, but not when she was vengeful and raw and open. Comments online went from calling her “queen” to saying she “went too far” a common occurrence when women are vulnerable and express their emotions without censoring them.

It’s been months since that reunion aired and Ariana has used that time to shine. She had an amazing run on DWTS and just announced a run on Broadway as Roxie Hart. Though she gained notoriety through the scandal she has more than proven she deserves these opportunities, demonstrating her incredible dancing skills week after week. And yet, already I see people saying it’s “too much” that they’re “over” Ariana and it’s “unfair” that she get these opportunities.

As we gear up for a new season, I fear the tide will continue to turn. Ariana has even expressed concerns herself:

Add to the situation the fact that her ex, Tom Sandoval is a fan favorite who has been on the show since day 1 and you have an audience who is primed to turn their backs on Ariana in favor of the comfort of enjoying Tom and his antics.

We see this scenario play out in real life all the time. It’s much easier to ask women to bottle up their pain and “be the bigger person” than it is to hold men accountable for their actions. No one’s life should be ruined over an affair, Tom is worthy of forgiveness and moving on, but why do we prioritize men’s comfort over women’s pain? Why can’t we create space for Ariana to still be angry and hurt, even if it’s awkward and uncomfortable for those around her? Why can’t we root for her to win, regardless of how much time has passed? Why are we always turning on women the second their pain becomes inconvenient?

We see this narrative play out in all corners of life. Those with chronic pain are viewed as complainers and fakers because accommodating their lived reality is inconvenient. We turn off social media or “check out” when the weight of suffering in the news becomes too much. We get annoyed with friends who are depressed and won’t “snap out of it” and we avoid those who are grieving or suffering heartbreak because it’s awkward.

There’s a cultural push to judge and condemn those whose pain is “too much” and who don’t let it go. But pain and trauma and healing doesn’t work like that.

I don’t have the answers but I hope I’m wrong. I hope this season airs and we can continue to root for Ariana, to show up for her pain and her joy in equal measure and to continue to believe she is worthy of success. It may seem silly to care so much about reality tv, but this situation just mirrors things I see play out every day. I hope we can collectively learn to hold space for the uncomfortable, the awkward, and the painful even when we don’t understand it.

as a cyst male

this ones for you tonight ✨ #pumprules #vanderpumprules #scandoval #bravotv #bravoholic

Credit to Lauren @ RealBarbiesofBravo on TikTok    

he’s a ghoul but like a hilarious ghoul.

anyone else watching vpr and seeing penny davidi of all people sitting here with Katie and Ariana while they ft with Scheana lolol

A motif

Lala Kent