#vittu i need to throw him on the bed and have my way with him (sorry) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mcspurs · 7 years

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Flowers? This term is relative & nothing is real.

APH Rare Pair Week, day 1

Prompt: Flowers.

Characters: Estonia & Finland (OCs).

Kalju Salumäe (Estonia) belongs to @brothuania, Jaakko Järvelä (Finland) belongs to me. Drabble available on ff.net & ao3. Enjoy! c:

Early mornings are never easy. Especially when the time is just a concept and your early mornings are other people's early afternoons. Jaakko sighed deeply, as he entered the kitchen. No matter how much time he'd spend in this house, he would always run into new gadgets or other so called decorations Kalju seemed to be a bit too fond of to let go. When exactly did they acquire a new microwave? Jaakko must have been distracted by something else when the purchase was being made. Or, the Estonian secretly made use of one of those shopping apps he hoarded among other obscure software the Finn will never fully comprehend. As long as it functions, I guess, he thought as he proceeded to the real goal of his visit in this room.

The fridge was purring quietly in its usual place, at least that didn't change overnight. Several magnets from Estonian and Finnish cities decorated the metal door. Jaakko couldn't help a small smile slowly creeping onto his face. Before grabbing the handle, he raised his finger to trace the soft texture of those tiny rectangles with panoramas of cities he knew so well. Tallinn, Helsinki, Tartu, Turku, Parva, Kuopio, Jyväskylä, Pärnu ... there was even one from Rovaniemi, shaped like a Santa's hat, with seasonal wishes engraved in it. That one was probably the tackiest magnet he'd ever seen in his entire life, but they had no heart to get rid of it. There was a story behind it, a story not intended for the ears of the unauthorized. Alcohol, bad decisions and risky adventures were involved, of course. Knowing Jaakko and Kalju, none of that should still be surprising.

Persistent stomach rumbling snatched him out of this sudden reverie. The mundane needs turned out to be louder than the needs of the spirit, by all the means. Opening the fridge eventually, Jaakko scanned its contents. Even someone as skilled in the (doubtful) art of drinking as this Finnish man, would experience painful consequences of a Friday night spent with one or two bottles of hard liquor. In other words, some items seemed blurry, nearly impossible to distinguish from one another. He found out about them owning a bottle of vinegar the hard way by nearly downing it, thinking it's water all along. Jaakko spat all of it into the sink and cussed. A bunch of other profanities soon followed the initial one, the Finn was known for his broad array of swear words after all. Kalju would have to be deaf, absent, or deep in a dream not to hear it.

"Are you okay?" The Estonian sounded worried. But he didn't come to see what happened. Jaakko was a big boy and certainly wouldn't appreciate any further displays of concern, ready to treat them as patronizing.

Living with the Finn was certainly an adventure, yet he had agreed to that very eagerly. He might not have been too open about his feelings, but neither have Jaakko. Squeezing affection-based talk out of either of them bordered on a miracle. Maybe they were not the most emotional couple in the world, but it was okay. Just each other's close presence was enough. Being within one another's fingertips. Filling the cold emptiness on the other side of the bed.

"Define okay, perkele," Jaakko mumbled under his breath. The sour taste of vinegar still lingered in his mouth. Not even wringing his face helped and yet he kept doing it in severe distaste. This unpleasant occurrence didn't stop his adventurous attitude though (or maybe his stomach kept nagging him for something to be filled with).

Shoving various products to the sides, he kept digging in the fridge in search of something his picky hungover person seemed to fancy most. Before he found something acceptable, however, his hand encountered a mysterious jar. Its content was just as weird as it was gross in Jaakko's humble opinion. Whatever this today's endless loop of unfortunate events was, it had to stop immediately.

"Mikä vittu tämä on..?" *

Trying to come up with a good answer for that on his own would only result in a headache, so he didn't even bother to begin. Turning the jar in his hands, the Finn decided to confront his boyfriend about it. A hangover snack can wait a bit, especially now that his appetite almost literally flew out the window. Storming (or at least attempting to do that) into the bedroom, Jaakko stretched out his hand with the jar in it. Kalju looked up at him over his laptop. The other looked endearingly comical in his current pose and with this accusatory expression all over his face. Pretending he hadn't noticed the source of the Finnish astonishment, the Estonian decided to carry out this conversation in a bit teasing manner.

"Oh, there you are. It's good to see you in one piece, Jaakuke. Pray tell, what on Earth were you up to in the kitchen?"

"Mitä homemunaskuja sulla on lasipurkeissa?" **

"What are you talking about, Jaakko?"

"Don't pretend you don't understand Finnish," Jaakko replied, clearly irritated. "What's this moldy egg and why is it in your fridge?"

"It's my refrigerator as well as yours now, don't forget that," the Estonian was having the time of his life. "You're responsible for its content now on the same level as me."

"For fuck's sake, Kalju! I'm not really in the mood for your games now. I'm hungover, hungry, and on top of that experiencing extremely mixed feelings about that ... thing. I can't believe I have to clean up your mess. I'm going to throw it out now."

"No, you're not," Kalju sighed resigned before getting up and approaching the other man. "Fine. Listen to me now. This tiny guy here is not mold. For starters, however, I literally cannot believe you thought so low of me. I would never let mold grow in my fridge."

The sudden admonishing glance had Jaakko completely baffled. He felt like a child reproved by his mother for some major offense. Or at least that's how Kalju wanted him to feel while piercing him with his blue irises.

"This is moss. A moss ball, järvepall, to be exact. A very intriguing fellow. He enjoys cold water, and that is why you found him in the fridge. And I decided to give him home. You, out of all people, should be able to tell moss from a mold. Weren't you raised in the forest?"

"Yeah, but..." Jaakko was dying to be able to defend himself somehow, but Kalju wouldn't let him come to the voice. That way he was forced to listen to the entire reprimand. A well-deserved one to be honest.

"What I'm trying to say is that no one is allowed to bash järvepallid in my presence. Under no circumstances. Understood?"

"Yeah, yeah... Anteeksi."

"You should apologize to him, not me."

Had Jaakko been less hungover and overall taken aback, he would have started laughing right away. But at that moment he was not amused at all. He didn't even dare question that request, regardless how exceptional and bizarre it was.

"Fine, fine. Sorry, uh. Whatever your name is, fluffy buddy."

"This one still needs a name, actually. I'm slowly running out of ideas for them."

"... them? Kalju, what the everloving fuck?"

"So you haven't ... of course you wouldn't notice. There are more moss balls in the house. I just hid them all well."

Jaakko furrowed his brows, trying his hardest to force his overheated brain to function at higher revs. Is he pulling my leg, he pondered, or am I truly that ignorant? As if he wasn't embarrassed enough, god damn it.

"... more... are you sure they're harmless?"

At this point of the conversation, Kalju was ready to give up his pretended strict sergeant attitude and go easy on the Finn. A playful spark flickered in his eyes and his voice noticeably softened.

"Jaakuke, come on... they're balls of moss, nothing more, nothing less," for some reason this sudden Jaakko's caution seemed plain adorable. A several wars' veteran, afraid of a tiny plant. Perhaps all the last night's liquor hadn't evaporated from his body yet. "They won't crawl out of their jars at night to devour your brain or whatever else you're scared of losing. Trust me, okay? I know what I'm doing."

"Mhm..." It was this part of the conversation in which the Finn would resort to communicating via grunts of various intensity.

"Oh, come on, stop moping," Kalju gently took over the jar and pressed his lips against the corner of Jaakko's. "You know I wasn't serious when scolding you, right? Just ... accept the new flatmates, okay? I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I'll show you the rest if you want."

"Mmm..."

"I'll take it for approval."

"Kaljuke?"

It always took a lot of negotiations and compromises to make the Estonian ditch all his electronics and go to bed eventually. Jaakko, as laconic as he could be about his feelings, would not skip a chance to move a tiny bit closer while lying next to Kalju, wordlessly asking for a physical display of affection. And Kalju was more than willing to provide him with it. In countless diverse ways.

"What is it?" he replied, absentmindedly caressing Jaakko's arm with his fingers.

"Pretty sure you're not willing to listen, but I thought of a name for the moss ball from the fridge."

"I'm scared already, kullake. Shoot."

"... Homemunasku." ***

An Estonian curse word, as well as a muffled Finnish laughter, echoed in the tranquility of the night, so abruptly disturbed by Kalju trying to suffocate Jaakko with a cushion.

* - What the fuck is that?

** - "What moldy eggs/testicles do you have in glass jars?" (this is the joke alright)

*** - Mold Egg, or actually, Mold Testicle. Balls, if you will.

#aphrarepairweek2017 #aph estonia #aph finland #except not really but like. shrugs #estfin #clenches fist #alcohol mention #also some swearing but like #otherwise it should be ok?#shout out to Sussu for the Finnish & translations #like if you read I guess? ;w;

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