Flowey is cute. Okay?! Don't judge me for drawing him so often.

Colorless one (and a few more version of this drawing under the cut

Does anybody else have OTPs that they don't want to become canon? Like I honestly would rather have mind-breaking tension between these characters than have them be canon. Takes away the flavour for me

Yknow?

https://clips.twitch.tv/SpicySteamyMosquitoPMSTwin-Dclmm6BUKX9SyW0b

he cant keep getting away with it

wtf post bot clarity already got a sequel

ahhh i just remembered alphen and shionne are gonna be at the next tales of festival again and damn that's three times in a row for them!!! that's amazing (for me specifically)!! like genuinely i assumed last year would be the last time they were gonna have both of 'em on, bcause, well it can't be the arise Celebrity Couple all the time, everybody's probably sick of them already and the hype's gone down and all that, and heck they even hinted at that in one of the kagenare, but!! against all odds i get yet another year or shimoji and satotaku performing together

11:00

QUICK QUESTION.

Who would wanna hear bout my DSAF/OMORI AU since I'm insane?

Check ALL The Warnings In The Tags If You’re Ducking Below The Read More.

DISCLAIMER: This is a post about me specifically and my broken fucking brain. I am not trying to make any sweeping statements about colonizer guilt or “activism burn-out,” of which others have made EXCELLENT points and i am not trying to draw away from those conversations at all. This is specifically about how my panic disorder and suicidal ideation are making it difficult for me to safely manage my level of involvement and interaction online, at the expense of the ability to actually put in the work for change out in the real world.

OKAY.

Last post on mobile. Tumblr is officially deleted from my phone. we are on Set Amount Of Time A Day - PC/Desktop only for a while.

To be very clear the point of this is not looking for sympathy or trying to be guilt trippy, just trying to get a hold of where my head’s at and let y’all know I’m not gonna be around so much but that I’m okay. Or least, this is me TRYING to be okay.

i CANNOT let the doom-scrolling keep affecting my ability to actually do anything that might actually help. The way i’ve been interacting on this site, trying to Stay Informed but blurring that line and crossing into constantly seeking more and more details that i NEED to admit i can’t handle, whether it’s the level of detail or the constantness of it or both…

the paralysis and anxiety and panic and - there’s an actual word for when you keep vividly imagining the absolute worst possible outcome but i can’t remember what it is, probably something else starting with “doom” - anyways the point is i clearly don’t have the ability right now to:

a) have any kind of ready access to The Horrors without making it… LITERALLY constant in my life. i don’t have the control to take it in measured doses, i need to recognize that if i have any kind of access all the time it WILL be a 100% deep dive nothing but the fucking trauma and abominations being inflicted on others in detail from the moment i get up until i finally clear my head enough to sleep for a few hours. which yeah i KNOW Palestinians in Gaza don’t GET that luxury it IS 24/7 all the time for them and I wouldn’t be complaint about that at ALL honestly if it weren’t for the fact that right now CLEARLY i do not have the fucking ability to

b) stop that from paralyzing me from any Real Action. It just locks me up. It SHOULDNT i should be able to compartmentalize that shit because physically for now i am fine my family is fine but instead i just fucking sit there , blankly staring as I scroll through atrocity after atrocity after atrocity that powerful governments are supporting, feeling like i cant do shit cuz it’s just getting worse and worse, then guilty that i feel like giving up, then GUILTY that i feel guilty because who am i trying to guiltrip here who CARES if I feel guilty when i’m not in the same situation they are they have it so much worse and they keep on going what would YOU do in that situation huh if you can’t even handle THIS - then that kicks of the vivid imaginings of me and my family experiencing that kind of slow death and dismemberment and being crushed by rubble then of course because we’re in america close to dc my brain jumps to nukes and how we’re in the zone JUST far away enough from DC for it not to kill us outright it would be slow and horrifying and painful and could i bring myself to at least get in the car and make it up to them so we could at least die together or would it be alone and afraid like all these people around the world are going through, that Palestine is going through, that my government is putting them through -

anyways it’s that spiral that keeps me sitting and scrolling and sitting and scrolling and wallowing in - what i genuinely thought was me just being a shitty fucking person but i realize now was actually genuinely - an anxiety attack (that’s the one that’s slow and creeping, right? panic is the fast sharp one) like an actual physically can’t shake myself out of “i forgot my brain was fucking broken, the adhd meds aren’t gonna magically fix everything” anxiety attack. Every goddamn day.

And let me be very clear again about my point here my point is not to try and guilt trip or garner sympathy my POINT is -

I cant do the kind of shit that actually helps anyone, in real fucking life, if I keep sending my brain into lockdown panic “All Is Lost, You Suck, Just Fucking Die” mode.

I want to be better, do better, be stronger, not have to look away at all. But I can’t trust myself not to fucking…. wallow in the goddamn despair of it all right now. So I need to take that option away.

Because who’s it really for, honestly? All the sharing and the posting? There’s a limit to what actually helps. The people following me have already made up their minds, one way or another. Sharing more of the same old shit isn’t going to actually CHANGE anything. Once youre through the new information of the day, the shit people actually need to know that they might not already… it feels like it’s just fucking… performative bullshit. like it’s all about making sure people SEE you still sharing all of this stuff. Oh look i’m still involved see how involved i am see how i’m still reading and sharing and posting all this stuff arent I a Good Activist?

What does any of that matter if it’s breaking my brain so much I can’t actually do any activism???

I would rather be considered weak and selfish by strangers on the fucking internet who don’t see me sharing as many posts as they think I should, but who ACTUALLY KEEPS WRITING the emails and MAKING the calls and SEEKING OUT events and disruptions and protests that maybe i can actually PARTICIPATE in

Than to keep showing off how i’m not “Looking Away” online but then spend every night sitting on my couch doing Fuck All about it, locked in a perpetual doom scroll through my For You page, imagining my flesh slowly burning and melting off as I hoist my whimpering dying dog’s body into the back of my car and desperately try to reach my parent’s house in time to say good bye and all go together, then shoving all that down into a flimsy box at the last minute to be able to smile at my mom and act like I just swung by to help with the floors instead of absolutely needing to see her and my father alive right now and touch them and fucking hate myself for indulging in that when Palestinians can’t so much that i force myself into an even deeper doom scroll next time as penance because how dare i look away for a MOMENT i can see them i can live i NEED to MAKE myself look at what’s happening-… rinse and repeat.

Happy holidays and happy new year friends!

I'm feeling a little sentimental on here today. This has been such a long and short year at the same time through which I've found a wonderful little community full of the queer content I've been craving for years and even better people.

I realise this is a few days before the actual new year but I'm going to be largely MIA from now until around halfway through January so this is me signing out for the year

Tagging some ppl because ily and i would not have had as great a time this past year without all of you @dribs-and-drabbles @seeking-moonscapes @casualavocados @isvisomewhere @actually-yikes @babyneedsabinky @7nessasaryevils @lost-my-sanity1

I made peanut butter chocolate fudge and it's so good I wish I could share it with all my mutuals & blorbos from my notes omg 🥜🍫

I'm using little douma as my wallpaper 🥹🥲 he's too cute

[ ooc: Aw~ feel free to do so I'm honored that you like my silly doodles of them ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ ]

pick one commission option (entirely theoretical just help me decide)

sketch page - several loose sketches of character expressions, poses etc. on one canvas with optional colour, amount you get scales with price

"grab bag" - give a character, pwyw over a certain price and ill draw one or several random pieces of art depending on value. allows for a small amount of specification (i.e. avoiding certain types of art, styles, etc) but otherwise i get to have fun with it

|| smol starter call! Song: Lyfjaberg by Wardruna

     “Børa letnar, framom ventar tyngre veg,” she murmurs and it’s heavier than the crown she wears, all black tar and stark-white bone, sings it like a corrupted memory. Ought to have been sweet, at one time; perhaps the time that has passed, that has alluded her, has ripped the mirth from music as well. Gaze set in jade flickers back to @fasciinating, her enemy. Her saviour. Her Sa-te'kru.   

     “The burden lightens, but heavy is the trail ahead.”

Going through old files for funsies and uuuhhhhh

Forgot about this one lol

for the zelda ask game: 🎭😔👊⛩️

🎭 When you play Zelda games, do you imagine being Link yourself, or is Link a separate character to you? Basically, are you Link, or is Link a separate character?

I always consider Link to be his own separate character. There's juuust enough to him most games that he has his own character, and I'm not usually one to go full self-insert with video game characters unless that's what the game is really going for. So I generally consider him to be his own separate character.

😔 Least Favorite Zelda character?

Hhhmmmmmmm normally I would say Jolene (and i think she was my answer for a similar ask game a few years ago) but I'm trying to get myself to at least somewhat appreciate her so it would be kind of counterproductive to say it's her. But it's Jolene.

👊 Favorite Zelda Villain/Boss?

Yeah no Bellum is my favorite Zelda villain... also my favorite boss! I think he's a silly little thing and a lot of fun to think wayyyy to hard about and I really like the variety between the three segments of his extended fight, plus just on a story level his whole fight is really cool. I would normally say I wish more was done with him but I can make do with crumbs so it's fine actually. I kind of want a little plushie of him.

⛩️ Favorite Zelda Dungeon/Location?

Hm... it's hard to decide on just one favorite dungeon, I've always been fond of albw's dungeons and both oot and mm have really good dungeons, but I think I'd have to pick the fire sanctuary from Skyward Sword. I really like sksw's dungeons a lot, and the fire sanctuary especially just... looks really nice and is fun to spend time figuring out. I think it's the one I enjoy the most, while the others are just fine or have some snag to them. With locations, I’m a fan of albw’s Hyrule and Lorule, and Clock Town is probably my favorite town in the entire series.

gah