having a comic idea in my brain but i dont wanna get up and sketch it but i cant write it in the way i want to because i am cursed to think in pictures but i cant. draw it rn.

12/5/2017

Dear Diary, Okay so today was fucking horrific. I woke up and did my hair and make-up as per but I've felt frumpy, ugly and quite frankly fat and hideous. Most days I can deal with it but it got to me more, my makeup was shit and my extensions got tangled so last minute I had to rive them out. (I wear them because they are black to bright blue at the bottoms, not for length)so my hair went from being this fabulous batch of freshly bought, black and blue wonderland to actually looking like a child vommitted them up . -I typed Child and this emoji came up 😷- Anywhom, I was looking horrendous but there was no time so I dashed about and left for college and it wasn't too bad at the beginning. I conversed with the people in my lesson and did a bit of work. I did a personality test to determine career paths and all that pre-uni shit and my letters were ENJT or ENTJ ... Something like that. Those letters are for dominant extroverts, boss / manager roles who are stubborn and intolerant of bullshit... Perfectionists who are timely and punctual and the voice of a group but apparently arrogant, cold and ruthless. I was proud that I had a dominant role to be honest, I have undiagnosed OCD in a way when it comes to work, tidiness in the workplace/area and making sure it's top notch. But my anxiety makes me nervous and when I'm nervous I am loud and very overzealous shall we say, a tad brazen for my shaken state but I try to be as friendly and as funny as possible. I love making people smile, I love people laughing because I cracked a joke and I love being honest because trust me if I pent that shit up its not pretty. So I sorted work out and got on with it however there was one issue. As mentioned yesterday I had an issue with a friend, one of many and I pented things up for fear of upsetting them, I kept it all in and just bit my tongue but after the issue I posted about yesterday I was close to breaking point. And when this person went to a teacher figure and told them an issue I was "spoken too" about it. So I told him to meet me, to come outside and talk about it so I had some knowledge before I severed all ties but he wouldn't fight back, he wasn't passionate and maybe if he was a bit passionate and valued himself a little I could have respected him but he just kept smiling at me and shrugging, curling up in a little ball and I felt like I was arguing with a toddler. I asked all the questions I needed to know Said everything I needed to say and realised that the friendship wasn't worth anything, us being close was so he had a back-up counsellor for his issues so when it actually came to trying to preserve this ... Whatever we had left he just gave up and at that point so did I. So I did coursework at the tattoo Parlour and came home with Josh and now he's went home and I've taken my antidepressants I'm back to being bored, numb and empty but there's still a niggling feeling. I just hope he's not doing anything stupid.