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mochibrokenheart · 3 years

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SVSSS: Guardian of the Museum

Mobei Jun x Shang Qinghua

Word Count: 2,756

Summary: Of course there's ominous growling and destruction to the building on Shang Qinghua's first night as a museum curator. Of course there is! Besides being desperate to keep the job, he's not sure what possesses him to actually walk toward the dangerous situation. His survival instincts were better trained that! Except...wait a minute...the terrifying creature causing all the ruckus is actually the hottest thing he's ever seen???

My first contribution for Moshang Monsterfucking Month (and my first fic for the fandom in general!) Heavy on the monster part as the nsfw is not explicit. Who knew that it would be hard to write something short. Inspired by the Day 2 prompt: horny.

Also posted on my Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34305571

A nearby bell tolled at midnight just as Shang Qinghua locked up the museum for the night, which meant that he was officially off for the weekend. Being a party of one, he celebrated with a groovy victory dance while turning the key over in the lock.

There was a little click and he rattled the knob, checking that the door was properly locked—if anything was stolen or vandalized during the night, he would most definitely be blamed as the recent hire!

The job was an important stepping stone in his career path plan to being a rare artifacts curator. He really needed the experience. It was hard enough to land the job, so he wasn’t above looking neurotic by double, and triple, and quadruple checking everything before he left.

A chilly breeze tussled his hair and raised goosebumps down his neck. It was October, he supposed while drawing up his hood to block the chill, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to complain.

He was much to delicate for cold temperatures and would exercise his right to curse out the changing seasons. Of course, he could move somewhere further south, so that he wouldn’t have to put up with it anymore, but still!

The only good thing about the loss of summer was the bugs, he decided.

Clearly, Shang Qinghua was irresistible because bugs treated his blood like an all-you-can buffet. If only hot men thought the same. But alas.

Sighing, he turned up to admire the full moon, who seemed to sympathize with the sad state of his romantic affairs, being the moon and all. Something about it’s pale gray-white color naturally emoted a sad, longing reflection.

It was as he was looking up that he heard a growl, loud not because of its pitch—it was actually quite low and gravelly—but because it vibrated the very air around him.

Shit. Shit. He wasn’t equipped to deal with some beast! He had no weapons and there was no way his body was going to get the job done either. He was a delicate flower, just ask the bugs who always feasted on him!

He rummaged through his bag frantically for his phone. That was what the authorities were for.

Opening his phone, his mind was racing. Who did you call when there was a potentially wild animal on the loose? The police? Animal control?

Gasp! What if it turned out to be a demon?

…!!!

He didn’t have any shamans or priests on speed dial. There had never been a reason to until then but if it would save him, he’d buy up every type of religious necklace he could and wear them around his neck daily. It was like insurance—it never hurt to cover all of his bases.

While he was wasting time on the sidewalk, what appeared to be small bits of gravel drifted down from what seemed like the roof. Scurrying to get closer to the streetlight, which casted a circular light on the steps of the museum, Shang Qinghua bent down to get a closer look.

It felt dusty when he rubbed his pointer finger against his thumb and did match the shade of stone the building was…The new evidence presented a bit of dilemma. Yes, he was still itching to call somebody have them do the dangerous work, but at the same time, his boss might fire him if something happened to the museum under his watch.

“Well, if there’s more damage, I guess I’ll take a look,” he muttered. He clasped his hands together. “But please, take mercy on me, moon! I promise that if you get me out of this that my next erotica will be dedicated solely to you, and in very large print, so that my readers know the reach of your mystical power!”

His hands remained clasped high above his head as he waited. So far so good.

There was still the scary growls, of course, but those didn’t count because he wasn’t going to investigate that. It was absolutely common knowledge that people who investigated weird sounds always ended up dead, at least in horror movies, and that was all the proof he needed to wash his hands of it.

No, the only thing that could sway him from his crouch on the front steps was…was…

Tears shimmered in his eyes as more rubble was knocked off from the roof, the fine particles irritating his nose and causing him to sneeze.

Thoroughly betrayed, he used his sleeve to wipe at his nose. Forget the moon. Clearly the bond he felt had only been one-sided, and now he was obligated to actually suck it up and put himself in harms way.

The Shang Qinghua of five minutes ago would’ve screamed and called himself a fool. Why ignore those highly honed flight instincts?! Even the Shang Qinghua of the present was screaming and calling himself a fool when he took the first hesitant step inside.

It was deceptively quiet in the stairwell but that wasn’t enough to calm him. As the saying went, it was the calm before the shit storm and he was about to be right in the middle of it. How careless of him.

Just in case this was the end, he started to draft an epitaph—it’s not like anyone else would put in the same amount of effort.

His minor following would be too busy wailing about the permanent book hiatus; his boss would have their hands full dealing with insurance over the architectural damage; and that hot-and-cold cucumber bro of his would still be nagging him in the afterlife, criticizing him for his stupid plan when it ‘clearly would’ve been better to do such and such’. But back to him.

We are gathered here to mourn the passing of one Shang Qinghua, a bright hamster that was taken from Earth far too soon. His exhibit work was flawless, his knack for collections cataloging unrivaled. There was never a day without bountiful office supplies with him around. We thank him for his singular brave—foolish?—sacrifice in the name of historical value. Shang Qinghua is survived by several dying houseplants and the stray dog he usually fed on his way home from work.

There. That sounded as good as he was likely to get. Wait. No. He almost left out the most important part: the secret letter of last words meant only for cucumber bro’s eyes. Bro, if you’re reading this it’s because I died a terrible and scary death. Please take pity and wipe all of my search history. It was all for research, honest! It’s bad taste to judge a dead man.

The access door to the roof was large and imposing in front of him, even though there was still no noise coming from the other side. He was going to be mad and then relieved, in that exact order, if this turned out to be nothing.

He inhaled. Exhaled. Jumped around and shook his hands where they hung down beside the length of his body. He’d watched enough athletes—for research!—throughout his short life and getting loose always seemed to pump them up for competition. The same principle should apply here.

The door gave with a loud screech and he suspected that it wasn’t in regular use. Not that there was probably much to see up there anyway. Just roosting pigeons, stone slabs, and—

His mind went blank.

Crouching in the corner, so close to the edge that all it would take was a gust of wind to send him tumbling down, was some sort of winged creature. And the wings were massive things that arched up before curving downward completely over it’s back, the tips draped on the ground. Judging by how large they were, they had to be functional, which nearly caused him to wet himself.

He didn’t want to imagine that thing taking flight after him. Not that he would be exciting prey. Gods, this probably how a mouse felt when a hawk was flying overhead.

But it was the horns that really caught his attention. They were hulking black spirals and the sharp points were pointed right at him. Even in the poor light, it was obvious that they were pure black. Any other time, he might comment on how cool they actually were, how they were a cosplayer’s dream, but it wasn’t cool when it was a matter of life and death.

And he would most certainly die if those menacing horns and wings were any indication.

Trying to keep the element of surprise, he slowly let the door swing shut. Until a little bat started flew over squeaking, which caused him to squeak as well. The door hit the frame with a loud rattle. His body went heavy with fear and his eyes snapped shut, a natural prey response. He had never, ever been this scared.

Not patient enough for Shang Qinghua to turn around on his own, the creature flung him around to face it with an aggressive growl. And he had thought it was loud when he was on the sidewalk. Which wasn’t true at all. It was much louder and more intimidating when it was right in his face.

“Trespasser!” it growled, teeth clicking.

…Okay, so it could talk. Maybe this was a good thing. Now could grovel with it to spare him!

Blinking rapidly, he opened his eyes and looked up, up, up. It didn’t look as horrific from the front as it did the back. In fact, it had a humanoid appearance and was distinctly male. He was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, a total fantasy come to life. How the hell was he real?

His was incredibly tall, his huge wings proportional to his size now that he was standing up. Now that he saw them up close, Shang Qinghua noticed that they were a beautiful shade of blue that started out dark but lightened to pale blue once it reached the tips, which also had sharp spikes—Nails? Claws? He wasn’t well versed in anatomy—attached.

The top of his ears were pointy, too, just like the tops of the wings. Oh, and the horns! There were two of them, both pure, glossy obsidian, that sprouted out on either side of his temple, the bases thick and ridged as they spiraled like a ram’s. The only difference was that his horns were much larger. He could maul someone with those along if he wasn’t careful.

But now that he considered it more—even in times of crisis, he could multi-task when it really counted—the horns only added more to his attractiveness. They were intimating, sure, but also sexy, in a monsterfucking type of way. He gasped as a clawed hand wrapped around his throat. Yep, he could definitely get into the horns and claws. Mark him down as scared and horny.

The growling died down but sharp teeth were still on display, and there was a stylized tattoo-looking mark on his forehead. Despite the snarl, Shang Qinghua instinctively knew that his face was insanely attractive; it had to be to match the rest of him. Speaking of the rest of him…

He dropped down in front of him, making sure to drag his hands down that ripped physique and gave his massive pectorals a quick squeeze before he landed on his knees in a kneeling position.

His face was right in front of the creature’s impressive package, covered only by a flimsy loin cloth. It fluttered in the night breeze and he had to bite down on his finger to stop his depraved moaning. “Ff-forgive me, my good-demon-sir, but I swear I’m not trespassing. I’m a humble worker here at this museum.”

He quickly took out his employee badge to offer it up to the demon who barely gave it a glance. “Gargoyle,” it said in reply.

“Oh. I’m sorry but I don’t really know what you mean by that.” Wait, why did he say that? He didn’t want to get further in the demon’s bad side than he already was! “I mean no offense, of course. I’m sure gargoyles are absolutely lovely—”

“No,” he interrupted, his face smoothed out into blank slate. It made it harder to read him but Shang Qinghua quickly decided that it was alright. “I am a gargoyle, human. You may address me as Mobei Jun.”

Ohhh. Now that he mentioned it, his wings and horns could belong to a gargoyle. He knew that they were popular parts historical buildings that had a strong Western influence, which the museum did.

“And I am a king. Not a sir.”

Curse his authority kink. He was sure that any new fantasies he conjured up would be staring this particular king and Shang Qinghua as his servant.

“Of course, my king! You’re reeking of kingly handsomeness. As a lowly human, my apologies for the obvious mistake.” The gargoyle king didn’t make any move to acknowledge his words other than a slow blink, so he figured that it was all good. “Excuse me if this sounds rude, but what are you doing up here? And what was all the noise about?”

“Guardian. I was charged with the safety of this place by a war lord.” Jeez. So he’d been with the building for centuries at least, maybe even millennia.

There was a pause and he realized that he wasn’t going to answer the second question. It also seemed like the gargoyle king was waiting on him and a light bulb went off. “S-sorry again my king. I am Shang Qinghua. I am in charge of the rare artifacts inside of the building, so you may see me closing up most nights.”

The gargoyle king nodded sagely and he figured that the role must be acceptable to him. A loud sigh left him and his muscles relaxed just in the slightest way. He might survive this encounter yet. Ever better, survive and be able to go home and break out that new bottle of lube that he bought last week. There was plenty of new material to work with, that was for sure.

Then the gargoyle stepped back, giving him more space, which was actually the opposite of what he wanted. Feel free to punish him for earlier transgressions, king, especially if they were rough in a sexy way!

Unaware of his inner pleadings, he continued walking away to crouch back near the edge of the roof.

“Umm, be careful, king. It’s dangerous to be that close—”

“I am a king. Concerns such as that are not applicable,” he said, puffing up his chest. Those pecs! He might have to put in a request tomorrow to do more work on the roof. It was a crime that no one was admiring that body on a regular basis. “Leave. Return home. The circles under your eyes are hideous.”

He gasped, touching his bags. Rude! He had just finished a long shift and definitely wasn’t at his best. He was going to have to step up his game if he was going to tempt this gargoyle in the future. Trying his best not to show embarrassment, or disappointment, he agreed to leave.

“Whatever you want, my king. I’ll leave for now but if you need anything, I’ll be back tomorrow and the day after as well. In fact, every night, in case you need me.” Screw his weekend off. Who needed one of those when there was a hot gargoyle of legend serving as the guardian of the museum. Not him, that’s who.

He scrambled to his feet and bowed again for good measure. The door was open and he was across the threshold when his dream gargoyle muttered something. “Did you say something, my king?”

He cleared his throat and spoke gruffly. “The pigeons pooped in my hair.”

Suddenly, the growling from earlier made sense. No matter if you were human or gargoyle, having birds shit in your hair, especially hair as luscious as Mobei Jun’s, was bound to make anyone furious.

Determined to keep his laughs to himself if it was the last thing he did, he merely replied, “Yes, my king. I will make sure to chase them away from you next time.”

“See that you do.”

On cloud nine, Shang Qinghua grinned as he bounded down the stairwell. The gargoyle’s comment implied that there would be a next time. And he intended to romance the loincloth off (literally) of the serious gargoyle king.

Hope you all enjoyed! So happy to share this with everyone. Thanks for reading :)

#svsss #svsss fanfic #mobei jun #shang qinghua #moshang

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eschergirls · 4 years

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Originally posted at: https://eschergirls.com/photo/2020/04/22/guaranteed-get-female-your-bag

Another gem from Jess Morrissette on Twitter:

"What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an 'I want the alpha male' response in females?" A Game Geek's Guide to Getting Girls (PC Accelerator, February 2000).

I know PC Accelerator was trying to be a Maxim for gamers thing but holy crumbs. Even as comedy this comes up short. I almost would say you could make a drinking game out of reading this article but you'd probably die taking shots whenever "a female" showed up. Also extra points for the advice to hide your gaming interest from a woman until you "bag" her because not letting your partner know about an important hobby in your life is a great way to make sure she's interested in it. >_>

Transcription for screenreaders (thanks again to Bella (@MoviePosters00) for the transcription):

A GAME GEEK’S GUIDE TO GETTING GIRLS

Okay palm-shavers, listen up! Reaction time is a factor. Say the first word that comes into your mind when we say "flying fat baby with a bow and arrow." No — not Messiah! Dammit, your answer is the reason we're writing this article. When you see that pint-sized chubby cherub whizzing around plinking people, it means Valentine's Day is breathing down your neck ... and baby, with this much love magic in the air, even you might be able to get a date.

As a service to you, our reader and — dare we say it — our friend, PCXL has sought an answer to the mystery that plagues so many gamers, "how do I get a girl?" We've searched high and low, discussed this conundrum over beer, subjected ourselves to countless seconds of daytime talk shows, drank more beer, picked up (and hastily put down) many women are from Venus-type books, slurped down more brew ... and, amazingly, reached an answer.

COMMUNICATION

To get chicks, a guy needs to communicate — often by talking. Realizing this Herculean task would prove impossible for almost any gamer worth his gaming spurs, and tougher for those even more worthless, we beat our heads against this barrier for days (and sucked down more beer) until a glimmer of hope laser-burned its way through the hangover.

What if we simply played to our strengths? What if we're so good at gaming, it somehow triggers an "I want the alpha male" response in females? Heavy stuff. Before we could commit our theory to print, we knew it needed rigorous testing, experimentation, quantifiable results. Unfortunately, we have no scientific credibility whatsoever. But we've never let a lack of credibility stop us before.

TERMINOLOGY

Here's a quick primer of terminology used in our experiments ...

Chick = Girl = Babe = Woman = Lady = Female = The ones with the bumps who constantly perplex us

Game Guy = You = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help sometimes

Game =Game

Theory = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong

Hypothesis = An unproven idea that's more than likely wrong. Also, the side of a right-angled triangle opposite the right angle.

Postulate = Something you assume from the outset to be true, unproven and wrong pretty much by definition

PCXL = Horny = Geek-like = Perplexed = Everyone needs a little help — and we're here to give it

EXPERIMENT ONE: THE "INTERACTIVE ROMANCE"

SUMMARY

In an ongoing effort to bring males and females together via the arena of computer gaming, a number of new companies are creating "gender-friendly'" titles. DreamCatcher Interactive (http://www.dream-catchergames.com) has developed an interactive romantic adventure based on a true story. The Legend of Lotus Spring (set to release February 2000) has players of most major sexes participating in the story of a young emperor and the woman that he is forbidden to love. Described as a "whimsical, non-violent game," TLLS takes you to the Far East over 100 years ago, touching on cultural, as well as romantic and adventure elements. As a date-locating technique, the TLLS experiment was an abject failure, as evidenced by this Session Excerpt from a co-ed focus group:

SUBJECT ONE (female)

They should've gotten Fabio to be in this thing!

SUBJECT TWO (female)

I'd like to help with the "motion capture" for that!

SUBJECT ONE (female)

It's so whimsical and non-violent!

SUBJECT THREE (female)

Awwwww, look at that! There's a "virtual serenade."

SUBJECT FOUR (male)

Sweet Jesus, please let me die.

PLUSES

Subjects 1-3 enjoyed whimsical, non-violent gameplay; Subject 4 also experienced Culture and Sensitivity-Broadening elements, as per his previous plea bargain with the City and County of San Francisco, California. (His original offense involved animal shelter felines and "Black Cat" brand firecrackers, but we shan't elaborate on that story.)

MINUSES

Despite a sincere effort on Subject Four's part to share the cultural and romantic elements of the game, considerable friction erupted. Subjects 1-3 suggested a "Fore-Player HunkMatch" mode while Subject Four insisted the experience remain a "Single-Player Shooter." Alas, Subject Four did not survive the triple-strength Silent Treatment that ensued.

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Minus One. Not only did the male subject fail to score, but he was repeatedly and needlessly reminded of his utter lack of resemblance to Fabio.

EXPERIMENT TWO: PLAYING HOUSE

THE SIMS

Frankly, everyone believes that The Sims, from software-as-living-toy masters Maxis, is going to be an absolutely cool game. If you didn't read last month's exposé (crawl out from under your rock), it's the "game of life" made real.

You develop characters, Sims as they're called, and guide, coddle, force, etc. them through various phases in life, searching for financial and marital success. You can end up a lazy, jobless, criminal (much like the PCXL editorial staff) or you can develop a thriving career, gain the respect of your peers and co-workers, and generally lead the sort of enviable life we'll never quite achieve.

Lightbulb flashin' over your noggin yet? That's right — this should be perfect for connecting with chicks! We had the same thought ... not surprisingly, we once again demonstrated our total lack of experience and knowledge of the female thought process.

We were deep into the experiment when we realized that playing The Sims with a cute lass is like eating the broccoli and skipping dessert. How so? The Sims is just so real when you play it with a chick. They actually try to do well with their characters and they want you to succeed too. By the time you're done, you're married, employed, saddled with children ... and you haven't even gotten a kiss off the girl (in real life).

PLUSES

If you're really hard up, The Sims is sort of like practice for relating to real flesh and blood females.

MINUSES

The Sims presents all the work with none of the perks. Perhaps the most telling test-result was this ... babes don't get weak-kneed around men who play house!

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

2.5 dollies — While the game initially got the attention of the female subjects and painted the male subject in a sensitive light, it eventually rendered the male subject more hard up than ever in "real life."

EXPERIMENT THREE: GIRLS THINK THEY CAN DRIVE

NASCAR LEGENDS & TEST DRIVE 6

Why did man invent the wheel? So he could invent cars. Why did he invent cars? So he could impress chicks, of course. The attempt to translate the theory that "chicks are impressed by car-savvy guys" into "chicks are impressed by car-GAME-savvy guys" began with Test Drive 6 from Infogrames —and an utter failure to "get her motor running." The following audio was recorded during a race through Rome:

GUY

Hey! Watch the curve coming up!

CHICK

Is there a map? I don't think this is the best route, we should stop and ask for directions. Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

CAR

[CRASHES]

The session was immediately scrubbed and re-started the next day using Nascar Legends. In addition to bitchin' graphics, the incredibly realistic races in Nascar Legends are on tracks — eliminating the whole map thing. Our male test subject was able to expound on the muscular virtues of a 1970 Plymouth and get veeeery groovy in his lingo.

GUY

This is so groovy.

CHICK

Did you just say the word "groovy"?

As the race intensified, Nascar Legends and the general grooviness seemed to be having the desired effect.

CHICK

Mmmmm, wish I could drive this with a joystick ...

Unfortunately, this test case proved inconclusive, because the friggin' puss — ahem — guy, made the fatal mistake of paying too much attention to the game and ignoring the girl. He allowed a full 37 seconds to elapse before responding to the joystick statement, sending several possible messages to the test chick:

A) He was not interested in any way whatsoever in helping her get her hands on a joystick.

B) He cared more about the game than he did about her.

C) He is a total lame-ass and is wasting oxygen that a real man could use to deliver a clever joy-stick retort.

Despite the excellence of Nascar Legends, this experiment resulted in the death-knell response:

CHICK

Isn't Father of the Bride on Channel 4 tonight?

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five joysticks for the game, three joysticks for the experience of actually playing this with a female, and an obvious and complete lack of a joystick on the part of the male test subject.

EXPERIMENT FOUR: CHANGING TACK

NOCTURNE

When G.O.D. opened the Spook-House doors and unleashed their deliciously ghastly Nocturne, little did they imagine the power they were placing in the hands of the would-be non-virginal male. A combination of "X-Files" chic and classic survival horror action, Nocturne will give you the tools to awaken your "little zombie" from the dead, but you can't expect G.O.D. to do all the work. Take a cue from the game's incredible atmosphere and transform your grotty little hovel into an environment suitable for jitters-induced romance. Lower the lighting ... candles would be a nice touch. Make sure your friend/room-mate/mom (oh, you sad little boy) won't pop in and burst your love-bubble at the climactic moment. Steal some grave stones and casually lay them about:

GIRL

Are those real grave stones?

YOU

Oh, these? They sure are.

GIRL

You're so cool, after we play a little bit of Nocturne, let's do some ... rubbings.

Don't talk during the game play if you can help it. Let the silence and tension build so that when a shambling horror suddenly lunges at her onscreen persona, she'll shriek. The effect is totally ruined, however, if you're the one who lets loose an effeminate shriek.

PLUSES

With proper set-up and execution, a "Nocturne Date" will deliver more sizzle than a dozen oysters. Even if you don't score, a night of blasting werewolves and zombies is a night well spent.

MINUSES

There's a definite gross out factor at work here. When ghouls overwhelm your date and feast on her twitching on-screen corpse, she may be more inclined to vomit than make out with you. On the other hand, you can turn this negative to your advantage by slapping a hand over the offending image and intoning in your best movie hero voice, "This isn't something you want to see."

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Four Severed Zombie arms. Good for you!

EXPERIMENT FIVE: SAVE ME HERO!

THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

Admittedly an unlikely candidate for Date Movie of the Year, The Blair Witch Project — the overhyped no-budget, shake-cam, low-grade-video epitaph for three missing-and-presumed-screwed filmmakers — yielded the highest results in terms of female subjects exposed versus female subjects, ah, exposed. Throughout the course of the film, the three actors lose their bearings. hurl profanities at each other, and eventually meet an enigmatic but doubtless unpleasant end.

Of course, the game version of this, utilizing the Nocturne engine, is in the works and will be published by G.O.D. A clingy female, the DVD, followed by the game… what kind of loser would you have to be screw up this opportunity for a terror induced tryst? Now where the f —k is the map?

PLUSES

The overwhelming majority of female subjects tested responded positively. often sporadically clinging to the males next to them during, and in most cases after, the film. At least two left the theater with the stated intention of staying with the males that evening. Of course, at least a quarter of the male subjects also clutched the males next to them at least once during the film. There are, ah, other magazines that will deal with those test results.

MINUSES

A very. very slim but noteworthy percentage (about 8%) of otherwise-sensitive female subjects found the film's terror element utterly ineffective —thereby degrading the relative status of the participating males (who thought the film was scary) to that of instant, shriveled Weenie. “This is so not cool, Josh!”

OVERALL SUCCESS RATING (OUT OF FIVE)

Five wood-stick-figure-thingies. Heh, heh, heh — we said "wood."

WHAT WE LEARNED

Of course, much of our experimentation assumed the herculean task of getting the girl into your "love nest” in the first place. If you can manage that, then it's best to keep your passion for gaming a secret (until you've bagged her).

Going the route of using horror to terrify a “victim”' to your arms is more fraught with problems (not to mention issues of legality). So get them in to your life in whatever way you can, then you can use the tips and game styles we've investigated to ensure that you can still spend time at your PC and keep the girlfriend happy (a tough mix — trust us).

What could possibly be better than a lovely co-operative Diablo adventure, a Worms: Armageddon face-off, or living out your virtual lives together in Everquest or Asheron's Call?

Remember though, that the real fun and frolics needs to be done in the real world, not online. There are probably laws against that kind of thing.

EXPERIMENT SIX: LET’S GET LITERARY

SALEM'S LOT

This technique was developed outside our offices but captured on videotape. It's so diabolical, so shameless, that we hesitate to even report it. But we will anyway.

The Diabolical Test Subject (DTS for short) had candles lit, Courvoisier at the ready, and was seated with a girl (GIRL for short) on a couch. Further still, he was, brace yourselves, talking to her. In the midst of our shock we realized that he was reading.

It took us two minutes to determine what tome of romantic lore he was reciting ... it was Salem's Lot, by Stephen King.

You may be saying "So what? I'm a gamer, not a librarian.” Or perhaps you've seen the 1970s made-for-TV movie “Salem's Lot" starring Starsky (or was it Hutch?) Well, pay attention Love Master ... by borrowing someone else's words you'll seem smart. By displaying no fear (even during the graveyard scene with little Danny Glick) you'll seem more manly. But above all else, by reading, you will appear to be communicating.

At press time we hadn't managed to work out whether Blue Byte's new Stephen King-based release F13 will induce the same terror effect as Salem's Lot. It does feature a new story from the currently rehabilitating horror-meister and desktop themes and screensavers, etc. for fan boys. Fan-girls are fewer, but never turn to their touchy-feely drivel as a substitute.

TIFFANYSDOMAIN.COM

Do you know why we love Tiffany so much? (If you've seen her pictures here and you don't know, you've got bigger problems than we thought). We love her because she's on Playboy's new video "Wildwebgirls.com"

And we love her because she's on the Playboy Channel's "Night Calls." She also has her very own website that we've been spending an inordinate amount of time “researching” for this feature ... tiffanysdomain.com.

If, after reading this little bit of prose, you still remain chickless, you can see a whole lot more of Tiffany (and a wagon-load of other babes who have problems staying dressed) on "Wildwebgirls.com”... or checkout www.playboy.com for all the steamy details.

Thanks Tiffany!

#magazines #pc accelerator #video games #double standards #representation #general sexism #links #submission

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daleisgreat · 4 years

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WrestleMania 35

As of this writing, WrestleMania 36 is set to air in two days, and due to the fallout from the ongoing global COVID-19 pandemic, will be airing taped from an empty arena a couple weeks prior, and over two nights. I have been advocating for two night ‘Manias since the WWE Network era of PPVs have caused WrestleManias having bloated cards and lasting nearly SEVEN hours when factoring in the pre-show matches. Since it is WrestleMania week, I am here to continue my annual tradition of watching the previous year’s installment on BluRay and break it all down here. I broke up watching the nine-ish hours of BluRay content over a few days, which lead for a more non-overkill experience, and I ended up enjoying the overall show exponentially more this way as you will soon read on. Now even though the BluRay has around nine hours of content on the disc, the cumulative total of content the BluRay unlocked for me was about 12 hours by including a digital copy of not only the PPV, but also a digital only copy of the Hall of Fame ceremony that preceded WrestleMania a couple days prior. For the second straight WrestleMania BluRay, the Hall of Fame is not included on the disc, and is instead replaced with the following night’s RAW in its entirety, which here is just over two hours when taking out all the ad breaks.

The Hall of Fame ceremony this year saw Jerry Lawler replaced as the host with Corey Graves & Renee Young, complete with grimace-caliber jokes of the stereotypical award show variety. The 2019 ceremony also saw a different setup with a ring in the center of the arena where all the speeches were delivered, and while it provided a nice visual, it also made it easier for an overzealous fan to run in and attack cancer and stroke survivor, Bret Hart during his speech. I recall getting the faintest look at the guy before cameras cut away and at first thinking because of the goofy hair that it was Enzo again up to shenanigans a few months after dancing in the front rows of the crowd at Survivor Series, but was then further perplexed to find out minutes later that Enzo and Cass did a worked shoot run-in at the G1 Supercard concurrently taking place. It turned out it was a fan with mental health issues, and obviously WWE cut out the run-in on the final Hall of Fame video cut, and the only thing apparent of something happening is that after a cut to the crowd, Bret Hart’s hair is suddenly tangled up. If you have not witnessed that brazen fan run-in, click or press here for fan-phone footage of proceeding to get pounced by countless wrestlers almost instantly. Bizarre fan attack aside, it was a much brisker ceremony (only three and a half hours!) thanks in part to no Hillbilly Jim speech this year (which was deservingly poked at this year), and a couple inductees not having inductions either, and the ones that did must have had strict time limits because I do not recall an inductor going longer than five minutes. Honkey Tonk Man set the stage with the fun-gimmick from the Rock ‘n Wrestling years, with a groovy entrance and exit, complete by singing his song on the way out and doing a noticeably better performance than Double J the year prior. Torrie Wilson’s speech felt more of a Ted Talk, but still heartwarming and inspirational and I will give her all the benefit of the doubt considering her father and former on-screen talent and Dawn Marie love interest, Al Wilson passed away two days prior. Also pleasant was seeing Stacy Kiebler break her 13-year WWE absence by inducting her.

The legacy class of 2019 had another ten inductees with brief 20-30 second video pieces on each. Most of them are more classic pre-cable TV era wrestlers, but some are more recently noteworthy and remembered like SD Jones, Bruiser Brody and Luna Vachon and in my opinion more deserving of traditional inductions. I hope if WWE keeps this up they will at least have a family member do a separate video induction and include it on their website for a more proper way to remember these legacy stars. The Hart Foundation was the next inductee, with Natalya accepting for her father, The Anvil. Bret and Naddie gave the successful Rock ‘n Wrestling era tag team a fitting induction, filled with classic stories from their days in one of the most successful periods of tag teams in WWE history. Brutus Beefcake gave a surprisingly good speech for his induction, as did the Hulkster for inducting him as he laid out how he broke Brutus into the business. Kind of surprising it happened considering the recent disparaging comments between the two with Brutus’s tell-all biography from a couple years earlier, but maybe it ‘was all a work brother!’ Props to Brutus for giving the Doctors who saved him from his terrible parasailing accident their kudos, and for calling out Shawn Michaels for still owing him for his barbershop window! The Warrior Award went to Sue Ajtheson, a backstage WWE official who is largely responsible for their Make-a-Wish efforts. Dana Warrior and John Cena gave heartfelt, genuine inductions for her, and Sue was a gem enlightening us about her philanthropic accomplishments.

Harlem Heat got inducted next, and after Booker T gave his brother Stevie Ray an outstanding tribute, it was then time for Stevie Ray sharing several stories of the trials of Harlem Heat breaking in before they finally found success in WCW. D-Generation X headlined the Hall of Fame, and as expected it was lengthy with X-Pac, Road Dogg, Billy Gunn, Shawn Michaels and Triple H all giving speeches. They unleashed some vintage DX humor to start off with. Other highlights include giving Chyna her proper acknowledgement, Billy Gunn getting razzed for being with the new competition in AEW, X-Pac getting super jittery in his sea of notes and all of them busting out Super Soakers and dousing their colleagues in the crowd, especially Baron Corbin. Now onto the 16 match WrestleMania 35 card (guys….I am sorry, thank you so much for sticking with me!). If you have yet to watch WrestleMania 35 then before reading this recap, I recommend breaking it up into a two part watch, and give this strong recommendation of preferred matches for each night to make for a better experience that I guarantee you will not struggle to stay awake through: WrestleMania 35 – Day 1 Watch Order: Tony Nese vs Buddy Murphy, WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal, Seth Rollins vs. Brock Lesnar, SmackDown Tag Titles Fatal Four Way, Miz vs. Shane McMahon, Triple H vs. Batista, Elias/John Cena ‘Concert’, Finn Balor vs. Bobby Lashley, Kofi Kingston vs. Daniel Bryan WrestleMania 35 – Day 2 Watch Order: Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins vs. Revival, Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal, AJ Styles vs. Randy Orton, Women’s Tag Titles Fatal Four Way, Roman Reigns vs. Drew McIntyre, Samoa Joe vs. Rey Mysterio, Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin, Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch Four of those matches were on the pre-show and are included on the BluRay as extras. In a rare move, WWE had the local have a feel good moment with Tony Nese winning the Cruiserweight Title from Buddy Murphy in a nice hybrid of strong style and high-flying that got the crowd hot by the end. In the WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal, Carmella played the surprise last second sneak-in card to eliminate Sarah Logan and win the ‘prestigious’ hip/leg trophy. In a surprising second feel good hometown hero story, Curt Hawkins snapped his 269 match losing streak when him and his fellow bro-ski, Zack Ryder won the RAW tag titles from The Revival when Hawkins got the surprise inside cradle for the electric pop! In the final pre-show match, Braun Strowman won the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal by eliminating celebrity entrants, SNL’s Colin Jost & Michael Che. A lot of hype on RAW built up the SNL stars, but the two hid under the ring until the end of the match in their failed efforts to surprise eliminate Braun.

In the official WrestleMania opener, Seth Rollins won the Universal Title from Brock Lesnar. Their follow-up match at SummerSlam is leagues better, because all there is to this is Brock getting an early attack on Seth and brutalizing him outside the ring for a few minutes, and then only a couple minutes into the actual match Seth low blows Brock and hits a few stomps for the victory. Last few years something about Randy Orton has made his stock rise higher for me. I appreciate his ring IQ and psychology that allows matches to breathe, and Orton’s skills blended perfectly with AJ Styles with some convincing sequences before Styles hit a Phenomenal Forearm for the win. The first of two four way tag title matches occurred next with the Usos, The Bar, Rusev & Shinske Nakamura and Aleistar Black & Ricochet vying for the SmackDown straps. All four teams brought it, and did not appear they were there for an easy payday with the creative spots they unleashed with an innovative tower of doom spot and Cesaro’s countless swings to the crowd’s approval until the Usos hit their double top turnbuckle splash on Sheamus for the W. I loved the buildup for The Miz and Shane McMahon’s Falls Count Anywhere match. Miz gradually won over Shane’s trust all in the name to win his dad’s precious approval, only to then see Shane turn on Miz and attack Miz’s dad! I was not disappointed with how they got Miz’s dad involved in the match with Shane shaming Miz’s dad’s ability to fight. The two had a pretty solid brawl all over the arena that ultimately saw Miz deliver a suplex from the tech area scaffolding onto a crash pad, but saw Shane conveniently laid out barely over Miz to nudge out a three count for the fluke upset. The newly established Women’s tag titles were on the line with Sasha Banks & Bayley defending against the Iconics, Nia Jax & Tamina and Natalya & Beth Phoenix. A lot of controversy was reported on the champs throwing a tantrum backstage hearing they were losing the titles, which happened when Billie Kay stole a pin with a blind tag on Beth Phoenix after she hit a top rope Glam Slam. Minus a handful of moments, Sasha and Bayley’s main roster runs have been beyond disastrous compared to their rise up the ranks in NXT.

‘KofiMania’ emerged when Kofi Kingston vanquished that vile do-gooder, Daniel Bryan to become the first full blooded African American to win the WWE title in its near 60 year history. There were a couple of extended hold sequences in the front half that overstayed their welcome, but the back half amped up big time with some creative reversals, near-falls and clever use of the New Day and Erik Rowan on the outside. I was just as happy as the WWE locker room shown celebrating for Kofi after he hit the Trouble in Paradise to win the championship. He had a killer half year run as champ….until Brock Lesnar waffled him in seven seconds for the gold and Kofi immediately went right back to the midcard in his happy-go-lucky pancake thrower days of yore and acted like his championship run never happened. Samoa Joe finally got his overdue WrestleMania debut match against a recently returned Rey Mysterio. I presumed the two had an epic match lined up, but Rey got hurt the RAW before and was only capable of performing for about a minute before Joe locked in his trademark Kokina Clutch for the submission victory. Roman Reigns was up next in his first singles match coming back after overcoming a second bout of Leukemia for the heartwarming win against Drew McIntyre. I recall dreading the buildup for this because Drew had a variety of ‘you may have conquered cancer…’ type promos and hyped himself up as deadlier than cancer, when naturally everyone knew Roman was going to win, and that is exactly what we got in a formula Roman match. The read in the ardent fan crowd throughout the match was readily apparent, they were no longer booing Roman out of the building like they normally would, because what kind of person can boo a cancer survivor (please do not answer that)? However, there was no overwhelming crowd going wild reaction either, but more of a tempered, altruistic applause instead. That has primarily been Roman’s reception for coming back since, and that is kind of how I feel too.

Elias performed a one man ‘concert’ next complete with other hologram Elias projections playing in conjunction with him until John Cena interrupted. John came out in throwback Dr. Thugganomics form and laid down some rhymes before hitting a F-U to the crowd’s approval. The presumption going in by most was that Undertaker would make his requisite WrestleMania appearance here, but 2019 marked the first time since 2000 that Undertaker did not appear or wrestle in any form on a WrestleMania. Strangely enough, Undertaker did interrupt another Elias performance the next day on RAW. Triple H and Batista squared off in a No Holds Barred brawl next, and I recall being burnt out by this point in the card and nodding off throughout it. Match held up incredibly better on second viewing with the two busting out a wide variety of weaponry in too many gruesome spots to dissect, other than that grotesque nose ring spot that reverberated throughout everyone in the crowd. The finish saw Triple H hitting probably the slickest looking sledgehammer shot ever with some added trajectory by leaping off the stairs, and following it up with the Pedigree for the pin. Kurt Angle hit the end of the line in a few months of ‘farewell tour’ matches against Baron Corbin here. I was worried for Angle as his previous few matches saw him struggling to go through the motions, but a few weeks of added rest benefitted him here with him looking remarkably better and capable of several of his vintage suplexes and throws, and even busting out an impressive moonsault….that missed and lead him walking into an End of Days that netted Corbin the pinfall. Finn Balor faced Bobby Lashley in the penultimate match of the night, and the two delivered a short, but high energy match to help inject some energy into the understandably deflated crown by this point. Balor hit his Coup de Gras for the pin.

The 16th and final match of the night saw the women headline WrestleMania for the first time ever with the Women’s titles for both RAW and SmackDown on the line in a triple threat between Ronda Rousey, Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch. All three laid it in strong style in easily one of the hardest hitting women matches I have ever seen. All three were decorated with battle scars, especially Ronda’s leg! However, one significant botch tarnished the match, and unfortunately it happened right at the finish when Lynch countered Rousey’s Piper’s Pit slam with a crucifix for the pin. Rousey inadvertently popped her shoulder up during the pin, and the ref did not restart his count and continued with the controversial three count. Even the announcers did not turn a blind eye to it and questioned the ref’s call, and it turned out the ref was later fined for blowing the call. I am not going to recap the following night’s RAW, but I did watch it and will give a couple key takeaways since the RAW after WrestleManias are notorious for returns, and unpredictable fan reactions suffering from wrestling burnout. Rollins and Kofi teased a winner takes all title match, but it quickly morphed into a tag match after The Bar interfered to the crowd’s rightful disgust! The controversial Lars Sullivan debuted on the main roster, Sami Zayn returned and turned heel after nearly a year away from double rotator cuff surgery. Dana Brooke and Mojo Rawley both deliver bizarre backstage promos. There was the aforementioned Undertaker attack on Elias and finally Dean Ambrose’s final televised WWE match that did not officially get started because he brawled outside the ring with Bobby Lashley before getting sent through a table. There is one last BluRay bonus that has footage from after RAW went off the air, where Rollins called out Roman and Dean and brought them to the ring for one last curtain call from The Shield.

That puts a wrap on the yearly monstrous WrestleMania recap. Once again I give my heartfelt gratitude for sticking with me the whole way through this. It was a chore to get through the whole show live in one shot, but it definitely helped spacing it over a few days this second time around. Again, if there is any upside with WWE having to switch up their WrestleMania plans with the global pandemic currently happening, it is that them having WrestleMania transpire over two days will make it vastly more watchable, and decrease the burnout of trying to watch wrestling for seven hours straight. Throw in the wild cards of the empty arena and undisclosed filming locations for the gimmick matches, and well….check back with me here next year to see how it all played out.

Past Wrestling Blogs Best of WCW Clash of Champions Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 2 Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 3 Biggest Knuckleheads Bobby The Brain Heenan Daniel Bryan: Just Say Yes Yes Yes DDP: Positively Living Dusty Rhodes WWE Network Specials ECW Unreleased: Vol 1 ECW Unreleased: Vol 2 ECW Unreleased: Vol 3 Eric Bishoff: Wrestlings Most Controversial Figure Fight Owens Fight: The Kevin Owens Story For All Mankind Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection Hulk Hogans Unreleased Collectors Series Impact Wresting Presents: Best of Hulk Hogan Its Good to Be the King: The Jerry Lawler Story The Kliq Rules Ladies and Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Legends of Mid South Wrestling Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story Memphis Heat NXT: From Secret to Sensation NXT Greatest Matches Vol 1 OMG Vol 2: Top 50 Incidents in WCW History OMG Vol 3: Top 50 Incidents in ECW History Owen: Hart of Gold RoH Supercard of Honor 2010-Present ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Hall: Living on a Razors Edge Shawn Michaels: My Journey Sting: Into the Light Straight Outta Dudley-ville: Legacy of the Dudley Boyz Straight to the Top: Money in the Bank Anthology Superstar Collection: Zach Ryder Then Now Forever – The Evolution of WWEs Womens Division TLC 2017 TNA Lockdown 2005-2016 Top 50 Superstars of All Time Tough Enough: Million Dollar Season True Giants Ultimate Fan Pack: Roman Reigns Ultimate Warrior: Always Believe War Games: WCWs Most Notorious Matches Warrior Week on WWE Network Wrestlemania III: Championship Edition Wrestlemania 28-Present The Wrestler (2008) Wrestling Road Diaries Too Wrestling Road Diaries Three: Funny Equals Money Wrestlings Greatest Factions WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2017

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tentastic-yu-ki · 5 years

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just pentagon things

(with links to stuff !!)

this took me so long to make heheh but i hope you like it !! <3

jinho

v o c a l s from the gods

god herself cast her hands upon him and now he has the voice of a million angels

doing ALL the parts in bohemian rhapsody bc of course

HIGH NOTES

grandpa #1

a lil bean :’)

fake maknae

his fluffy bangs during naughty boy era are on the list of my favorite things ever

his cheeks y’all

ok but he looks eerily similar to jiheon from fromis_9 when they smile idk if i’m the only one who sees it but

whenever he does the little wave thingy you know what i’m talking about

he sings in fluent english and it makes my heart flutter every. single. time.

lowkey done with the rest of the members but loves them so much

yuto lifting him up at the end of naughty boy relay dance is basically that one scene from the lion king

tbh the members are always lifting him up and it’s precious

his lil cape during shine

hui

hwitaek in general is just bsidjsbdhdb

such a good leader :’)

i have no talent

mr hwitaek has all the talent

if i’m lucky some of mr hwitaeks talent may rub off on me

i just ?? love him ??!

his piano playing in the gorilla acoustic video makes me weak in the knees

pentagon of leader

y’all remember his twin brother manuel

i play jazz piano and holy shit i could only hope to gain half the talent he has in his hands alone let alone his vOICE

grandpa #2

i have so much appreciation for him and i look up to him a whole lot as a musician i just don’t know how to express my love

critical beauty was his era bitches

constantly being corrected by hongseok

such a groovy ass mf

lee hwitaek vs the english language

he is gorgeous !??!? kills me with his gaze

smile needs more appreciation

he killed it in triple h especially his vocals in 365 fresh

jangjigi jangjigi jang jang jang

hongseok

muscles

ABS :0

‘can i have a bite’ lmao

the group mom

but he’s a cool mom

his eyes are so frickin adorable :’)

absolutely hilarious oh my god

good ass storyteller

two words: his. lips.

his laugh is precious guys like i can’t

this video from the real man

when he shaved his hair off before the real man 300

hongseok x jinho ?? cute as hell

just lovely

such an underappreciated member

i stg whenever he speaks english it’s either to correct somebody, say hi to international fans, or its something completely ridiculous and i love it

e’dawn

y e l l i n g

he and hyuna being a power couple

Y E L L I N G

popping dancing

owned the gorilla era imo

Y E L L I N G

!! tattoos !!

a whole plant dad

his hairstyle suits him so well omg

did i mention yelling

i wish the best for him (and hyuna) and he’ll always be a part of pentagon in our hearts <3

his eyes when he smiles :’))))

video of him yelling in case you don’t know what i’m talking about

also this

I MISS HIM

S U P P O R T H I M or i’m coming for u

also support p nation !!

shinwon

hot shinwon yeah u want ?!

the visual

like the man is a whole model

i kinda just want to sit and have tea with him he seems like that kind of friend

his legs are so underrated

his breathy laugh is amazing

probably slowly losing his patience with the members

when i first got into pentagon i was like hm he seems like the mature one

but none of them are the mature one

booger

VOICE CRACK OF THE CENTURY

we will never forget

it seems like in fanfics he’s always some sort of ceo or manager or fashion designer and i’m here for it

always providing quality content whether he realizes it or not

always providing quality content whether we realize it or not

trying to make food while hui was asleep and then realizing he didn’t have chopsticks

his name is actually shinpon excuse you

absolutely losing his shit during the sha la la don’t smile challenge (13:11)

can you really blame him tho it was funny as hell

screaming + running in fear? shinwon invented that.

yeo one

he cares so much about universe :’)

compilation of him asking universe if we’ve eaten today because he cares

him almost kicking himself in the face that one time i can’t find the video agh

super lovable and wholesome

ok but his teeth

his smile is just so pretty ???

boi is drop dead gorgeous

so pure and just HKSNSBSJS

his asmr videos? yes king

he really expected me to sit there for almost an hour listening to him whisper the members names over and over?

and he was right because i did

yeo one makes me feel the same things i did when i saw bubbles in the air at disney world for the first time

he’s just like that

boyfriend material

HOW DARE I ALMOST FORGET THE SPONGEBOB IMPRESSIONS

saRANGhaeYOoOoo~

the boy is hilarious

yanan

aNNYEONG CHINGUDEUL

he just reminds me of a whole bottle of sprinkles yknow

like if rainbow sprinkles were a person

it’s yanan and yanan only

high note battle with jinho

he’s tol but his voice is smol

“don’t talk with me”

earrings lmao

probably smells like vanilla tbh

‘can you please edit this out?’

he’s literally gonna give me cavities with his sweetness

just from looking at pics of him

i like don’t even know what to say he’s just a ball of sunshine :’)))

so sweet i could put him in my coffee

he deserves so much more that he gets

sUCH A SWEET SOUL UGH~!

i’m running out of ways to reiterate that yanan deserves all the love in the world

y’all better appreciate him or i’m coming for u and ur whole family

he’s just out here chillin, his smile making the world a better place

my uwus? gone. snatched if you will

yuto

it’s ya boy toto

Y U T O D A

him being spooked by ghost stories

cLINGY !!!!!

two words: back. hugs.

i want a yuto hug hmph :((

his laugh is so cute i just-

him being spooked by the dark

NICO NICO NIIII~

his guy-fieri-reminiscent shirt

(you know the one)

him being spooked in general

i will protect this boy with my LIFE

we need more yuto aegyo

but also his visuals make me spontaneously combust

somebody call the fire brigade yknow

when he had the eyebrow slit i cried

im at a loss for how to express my love for adachi yuto

can i have his dangly earrings pls thanks

he’s always feeding everybody it’s so cute

our nagano boy :’)

cough excuse me i had something in my throat i meant our nagano pRINCE

this video of his ‘high note’ and wink never fails to make me laugh

he reminds me of this guy ive had a crush on for a long while ?? like personalitywise they’re oddly similar,, he’s cute n shy but also tall and vv clingy ??? and he recently started doing his hair differently and it’s literally yutos hairstyle i almost stopped breathing ok

also his hugs feel like what i imagine a yuto hug would feel like and i only realized it just now as i’m writing this

kino

he’s my little honeybunch cinnamon apple sugarplum gumdrop babyboy

i just love kang hyunggu a whole lot if you can’t tell by um

the rest of my blog

my profile image

my lockscreen ffs

do i even need to say that he’s my bias

duality? he invented that.

hyunggu being a cutie patootie vs kino being rUDE AS HELL

like he’s a grape juice box and a whole ass bottle of fine wine yknow what i mean

the lace blindfold ?? somebody pinch me

knnovation

i mean have y’all heard voicegasm ??

he did that shit

he’s under arrest for stealing my heart~

(and my uwus)

i don’t even need to say it bc y’all already know but he’s the dance KING

the violet bby

“he’s sensitive”

when hyojong changed the number song lyrics to joke about him being sensitive (2:25)

when he wears big sweaters :’)

i miss his lil ponytail during naughty boy

ppl never talk about this but he’s surprisingly good at languages ?!?

his laugh is one of my favorite sounds on the planet

that one move in can you feel it (01:55 in the mv) gets me every. single. time.

the kino list is long but i just have so much love for this boy

wooseok

he a long boi

HIS DIMPLE

i cant find the vid but there’s this one moment at a fansign or something where he just stepped over the table like it was a completely normal thing to do ?!???!?

HIS FACE IS SO VISUALLY PLEASING

i keep getting shocked over and over about how generally handsome he is

any hair works on him like ??? magic ?!?

screaming during lost paradise

and most songs

and most of the time anyway

i love him lots and lots tho

can pull off the goth look

can pull off the emo look

can pull off any look

he belongs in an opera lmfaooo

E X T R A

BUNNY BUNNY WOOSEOK WOOSEOK

his acrostic poems

i’m a star ? that shit sLAPS

this boy is carrying the entire rap industry on his bACK

i’m sad that i cant think of more stuff for wooseokie

#to make a long story short I love my 10 baby boys a whole lot #nova speaks #pentagon #jinho #hui #hongseok #e'dawn #shinwon #yeo one #yanan #yuto #kino #wooseok #ot10 #ptg #long post

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nuphonehudis · 6 years

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do you wanna get triple-x groovy?

#have some stupidity in this trying time #walker.#subt.selfie

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xiaojuun · 4 months

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2023 kpop recap ♡ tagged by @ambivartence !

Groups You Started Stanning?: well the big ones of course are wayv and nct (mostly 127 but i tune in for nct u of course of course ... loved golden age) ... i would say i also got really into triples this year musicwise, but i don't actually know the girls

New Ult Biases?: dejun ... my cringe bestie it was inevitable from the moment i saw him cleaning up poop on the puppy interview ...

Idol(s) Who Got The Most Of Your Simping?: idk you all tell me . i think i'm pretty normal KJSGJHBS but i'm sure we can make some arguments for mr. jaehyun and also my husband sehyoon who returned from war god bless

Most Streamed Group(s): cravity, treasure, enhypen, and purple kiss according to my spotify wrapped; nct and wayv definitely are my most streamed in the last couple of months though!

Most Streamed Soloist(s)?: woodz is the only one who made it into my wrapped report, but i'd guess probably also yena, yuri, and maybe eric nam

Top K-Pop Song(s) Of This Year (Opinion Or Streaming, You Choose): nct djj perfume is definitely my song of the year. others i think deserve soty shoutouts: save me kill me - cix, busted - woodz, rising - triples, fate - enhypen, agit - purple kiss, kick it 4 now - tnx, regret it - exo

Top Debut This Year: for the girls kiss of life with shhh ! for the boys ... dojaejung counts right ??

Choreographies You Learned: i don't learn choreo like on purpose HAHA but i can kind of dance along to groovy by cravity

Albums/Merchandise You Bought: too many albums per usual since cravity and treasure both had comebacks, and i just started buying for my new obsessions 🧍🏼‍♀️ i also got a tshirt at the omega x concert, and mary and i got the new truz crossbody bags which are actually so cute ... and we also got wayv seasons greetings to share which i think was a great decision

New Kpop Mutuals You Made?: my new nctuals i love u guys thanks for letting me in and treating me like a bestie even though i just got here 7 years late with my giant iced coffee in hand and sporadic posting around my insane work schedule. and for anyone else who started holding my hand this year, just know ... i don't let go easily or ever ! 😈

Tagging: gonna go through my follow list and tag my most recently made mutuals as inspired by that last question hehe no pressure though! also sorry if we haven't actually interacted before, in my mind we are best friends as soon as u follow me back . just fyi . <3 @minhyukie @bouncingback @neonsbian @irlvernon @lenteur @yutaslaugh @yunogf @baekhyunnybyun and bc i mentioned her in here @dongkwan teehee

#this was a fun one thank u siyuan !!

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ktrosesworld · 6 years

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Alphabet Bands

Thank you to the very groovy @onthedriftinthetardis for posting a brilliant list of musical artists ... and for tagging me in this

Rules: List your favorite band or artist for each letter of the alphabet. Tag 10 people whose musical taste you want to know better!

A: Adam Ant or Adele

B: The Beatles or Ben Folds Five

C: The Clash or The Cure

D: Depeche Mode!!!!!!

E: Eurythmics or Electric Light Orchestra

F: The Fratellis or Franz Ferdinand ... I’m not influenced by DT at all ... well maybe a little bit

G: Gnarls Barkley or Green Day

H: Hoodoo Gurus or Hilltop Hoods ... the Aussies will appreciate this :)

I: Imagine Dragons or Ice House ... another Aussie nod ;)

J: John Lennon or John Mellencamp ... iTunes sorts by first word so there ;p

K: The Kinks or Kaiser Chiefs

L: The Living End ... Roll On Aussies roll on

M: Mumford & Sons or Murray Gold ... i know you get emotional when listening to Doomsday or Rose’s Theme as well you can’t tricks me ;)

N: New Order or Noiseworks ... you know you love them Aussies

O: Weirdly I don’t have any O artists ... so I’m claiming Owl City that @onthedriftinthetardis chose because Fireflies is pretty *goes off to buy the song now*

P: The Proclaimers or P!nk ... I will raise my glass and walk 500 miles actually i may need to reverse this walking is thirsty work

Q: Queen ... You’re my beeeeesssst friend

R: Rag’n’Bone Man or Regurgitator ... oh yes I went there Aussies ;)

S: Scissor Sisters or Silver Chair ... okay so you might’ve guessed Aussies that I am unashamedly a Triple J girl

T: Tracy Chapman or TLC ... welcome to the sound track of my high school art classes

U: U2 or UB40

V: The Verve

W: The Wombats or The Whitlams ... you all need to discover The Whitlams

X: Can I claim Kylie’s X album here ... it is her 50th :D

Y: You Am I

Z: ZZ Top ... I blame Back to the Future III and Bones

I have never been good and choosing just one :D

So to the tagging ... let’s pick some folks that I’d like to know better ... @deathlyfandoms @deartimekeeper @paigenotblank @twoheartsandascrewdriver @pinstripedsuitandconverses @meanwhileinpetesworld @naughtylupine @crowzley @badwolfxoncomingstorm @creativebec

#this tagging life #it's possible i own every #triple j hottest 100 #and #like a version #well up until i moved to a country where i can't buy them anymore

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theuniverseofhiphop-blog · 6 years

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Released : February 8, 2005

Length : 45:39

Label : 6 Hole Records

Producers : 9th Wonder, Khrysis, Nicolay, Big Dho

After Little Brother gained success with their classic debut album, The Listening, in 2003, members Phonte teamed up with Netherlands producer, Nicolay to form The Foreign Exchange and dropped their neo-soul debut, Connected (2005) and 9th Wonder became known for producing numerous artists like Jay-Z, Destiny’s Child, De La Soul, Memphis Bleek, Mary J. Blige, Murs, Sean Price and more. In February 8, 2005, Thomas “Big Pooh” Jones let the hip-hop world know that he ain’t going to be the only Little Brother member without any solo shit. He did just that with his dope ass solo debut, Sleepers. Most of hip-hop fans claims that Pooh is the weakest link of the trio, which is not true. This album is the best that ever done it, point blank period. The album is primarily produced by fellow Little Brother member, 9th Wonder and fellow Justus League (which Little Brother is a part of) beatsmith, Khrysis, with two tracks produced by Nicolay and Big Dho, respectively. The album has guest appearances by fellow Little Brother member, Phonte, O-Dash (who had the most appearances on this album), Spectac, Darien Brockington, Median, Joe Scudda and Murs.

I. “Wake Up”

From a dialogue of School Daze, Laurence Fishburne screaming “WAKE UP”, so, on this album, IT’S TIME TO WAKE YO BITCH AZZ UP, NIGGA!!!

II. “I Don’t Care”

With that crazy ass, organ-driven beat produced by Khrysis, Mr. Jones, better known as “Big Pooh”, letting y’all know that he don’t care if you call him “the weakest link” of LB, he glad that he got haters. Big Pooh, you never ever disappoint with them bars.

III. “The Strongest Man”

The lead single off the album. Big Pooh going at it with that nice slow flow and them hard kickin’ rhymes. Just like the title of this song, Pooh is the strongest man when he spit them bars. Who made this smooth ass, soulful, groovy beat? Who is it? Wait, it’s 9th Wonder, Y’ALL!!!

IV. “Heart of the City”

With that Dilla-esque, soulful beat produced by 9th Wonder, Big Pooh rapping the heart of the east side of Durham, North Carolina. Letting you know that there’s gangstas, thugs, drug dealers and all the bad niggaz over there. I like the ironic title of the song as well, so genius.

V. “Every Block”

Awwww shit!!! PHONTE, BIG POOH & 9th WONDER come together on this track right here, baby. Te and Pooh going at it with their tandem chemistry about their love for hip-hop and their passion about writing rhymes.

VI. “Just Friends”

The second single from the album, with this smooth ass beat produced by Khrysis. With the lyrics and the title of the song, Pooh telling a fine ass girl know that they ain’t gonna be lovers, they just friends. Kinda remind me of Usher’s “Lovers & Friends”, a little bit. The beat is dope, the lyrics is dope.

VII. “Live Life”

With this soulful, smooth beat produced by Khrysis, once again, Pooh collide with his friends, O-Dash and Spectac on this track about struggling hard life. I kinda like this track a little bit. It would’ve been better if Pooh had Te on this track as well.

VIII. “My Mind”

With this jazzy, smooth beat, produced by Khrysis (to be honest, I thought 9th did it, but it is what it is), Pooh and O-Dash collaborate once again and this time, Darien Brockington aka D-Brock sings on the hook with his D’Angelo-resemblance vocals. Pooh and O-Dash talking about the memories with their friends, who are no longer on this planet earth.

IX. “Dash’s Interlude”

One of the two tracks that is not produced by 9th or Khrysis and the only track that is not performed by Pooh. With this dark, ferocious beat produced by Nicolay (½ of the Foreign Exchange), O-Dash spits twenty bars, just filling in for Big Pooh for right now.

X. “Scars”

With this crazy, ass southern, soulful, gutter beat produced by 9th Wonder, Pooh teams up with fellow Justus League soldiers, Median & Joe Scudda, on this track. The three rap about the pain that they go through in life. I wish Pooh added Chaundon & Jozeemo on this track as well. Even Pooh and Scudda did their thing on this track, Median outshined them niggaz with one verse, I feel like it should’ve been one of the best acclaimed hip-hop verses of all-time.

Here’s 9th’s story of this joint :

You’re talking about Sleepers. Yeah, that ‘Scars’ joint, man. Pooh was at my house when I made it and he took it right off the press. That’s what cats would do, they would take beats right off the skillet. I make it, and then seconds later they’ll say, ‘It’s mine. He got it and then put Median and Joe Scudda on it. That’s one of my favorite beats too. We were working on Pooh’s album at the time, and ‘Scars’ was meant to be on Sleepers all day. But ‘Heart Of The City’ was something we actually recorded right after The Listening. That record was actually sitting around for a bit. We recorded that around the same time we recorded ‘Light It Up’ with Nicolay. I remember we had some issues trying to figure out how to tie the whole album together, but we were eventually able to get everything set with all those skits from Insomnia and School Daze.

XI. “Between The Lines”

With this jazzy, groovy, folk beat, produced by 9th Wonder, Pooh showcases his playboy, charming style on this track to the ladies.

XII. “The Jungle”

One of the two tracks that is not produced by 9th or Khrysis, Pooh brings his Scarface-inspired (the MC, not the movie) storytelling bars on this nice smooth, soulful, dark beat, which produced by his manager/Justus League leader (sometimes rapper, DJ or producer), Big Dho.

XIII. “Now”

With California MC, Murs collaborating and 9th Wonder on the beat machine, Pooh goes in with this track right here. Fun fact: What you hearing on this album is the second version of “Now” by Rapper Big Pooh, you can find the first version (produced by Khrysis) on the Justus League extended play, Triple Play: The EP.

XIV. “The Fever”

A dope closing track, not bad, Pooh, with this dark, soulful, vocal-sampled beat by Khrysis. But my favorite line on this track is “Record rock solid just like prudential/Dho got the resume so fuck credentials/Scoring parts with words when it come to the pencil/They couldn’t get it right if I lent ’em a stencil”. I wish Pooh made Scars a closing track, though.

Final thoughts: One of the dopest solo albums of all time, but underrated. With the helps of 9th and Khrysis on the production duties, Pooh proves the world that he ain’t no weak link as a LB member and a soloist. Pooh, I hope you, Te and 9th get Little Brother back together, cause I’m glad that y’all squashed the beef, Pooh and Te, I mean.

Best tracks on the album: “I Don’t Care”, “Scars” and “The Strongest Man”

#Rapper Big Pooh #9th Wonder #Khrysis #Big Dho #Nicolay #Sleepers #Hall of Justus #Hip Hop Blog #Hip Hop Review #VA #NC Hip Hop #Albums #Hip Hop Albums #2000s Hip Hop

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parkerbombshell · 4 years

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Jazzamatazz - Shoogatits! OST

Wednesdays 2pm-4pm EST Today’s Bombshell (Bombshell Radio) Bombshell RadioJazzamatazz Double Header FRIDAYS 1pm-3pm EST 6pm-8pm BST 10am-12pm PDT bombshellradio.com Sundays 7pm-8pm EST The story of one strong womans heroic mission to seek revenge on the worlds most powerful politician, a man who just couldn't take no for an answer. The gripping tale of bloody vengeance,capture,torture and glorious humiliation to the disrespectful power freak who always called her Shoogatits! Pam Greer stars as Precious Pillows in a groovy action packed edge of your seat thriller that will both fright & delight you. Watch in awe as Precious kidnaps the narcissistic president to get payback for all his sins,violations and racist ways. He was trying to hump'er, but he's about to be thumped,trumped,bumped & dumped! A beautiful story of justice & retribution, karmas a bitch, called Shoogatits! A Kaleidoscope production. Coming soon to all good grindhouse movie theaters near you! Rated X Special Feature Triple Bill... https://www.mixcloud.com/JAZZAMATAZZ/tarantino-tapes-alabamas-adventure/ https://www.mixcloud.com/JAZZAMATAZZ/foxy-brown-back-in-town/ https://www.mixcloud.com/JAZZAMATAZZ/son-of-shaft/ #FunkSoulJazz #Funky #Eclectic #Soundtrack #Funk #Jazz #RnB #Groove #LibraryMusic 1 Soul Foot Strut Dave Gold 2 Work Force Johnny Pearson 3 Studio 69 Alan Hawkshaw 4 San Francisco Beat Brian Bennett 5 Funky Fever Alan Moorhouse and His Bond Street Brigade 6 Soul Train Les Hurdle 7 Galaxie Guitar Robert Gretch 8 Man On The Move Alan Hawkshaw 9 Disco Tek Syd Dale 10 V.C.O. The Bongolian 11 Le crocodile porte-cle Bernard Gerard 12 Cherry Pink And Apple Blossom Perez Prado 13 I'll Stop When I've Had Enough Andrew Kingslow & James Knight 14 Paper Tiger Johnny Dankworth 15 Bodybuilding Orchester Werner Muller 16 Winning Is Easy Steve Gray 17 Rainbow Man Busy P 18 Sexercise Unknown 19 Green Jeans Fabulous Flee-Rackers 20 The Persuaders John Barry 21 The Conspirator (Main Theme) The Quantic Soul Orchestra 22 Butch Cassidy Burt Bacharach 23 How You Like Me Now The Heavy Read the full article

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diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “No Names” Part 2

When The Joker told you he found somebody else, your world shattered to pieces. But what hurt the most was the fact that he didn’t even bother to come around and see his little girls; very hard to find excuses on why their father is missing, especially when the triplets adore him. And extremely hard to cope with the gloomy future after you found out some details that might explain his estrangement.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/164355559106/the-joker-x-reader-no-names-part-1

Part 3: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/165414584036/the-joker-x-reader-no-names-part-3

The door opens and you turn around, sniffling. “There you are,” J closes and locks the door behind him. “What’s wrong?” he asks when he realizes you’re sobbing.

You rush in his arms and hug him.

“Don’t cry, alright? Save it for when I’m gone,” he caresses your hair and turns off the light in the office. You dig your fingers in his skin, having another crappy day yourself.

“You–you’re going to live forever…” you muster the strength to say it.

“True,” J sighs. “I mean, if I was Death I wouldn’t fuck around with Godzilla.Things could get messy really fast, right?”

You punch his abs and smile through tears.

“Stop calling me Godzilla!” “Never!” he grins in the darkness, pleased he can tease you with that…again.

“Where are the girls?” you ask, wanting to step away.

“They’re asleep, let them be. What are you wearing?” The Joker whispers in your ear, his hands feeling you up and down.

“Sweatpants and a tank top,” you snort, wiping your tears.

“Mmmm, my favorites…so sexy!” he chuckles and tries to lift you up but you refuse.

“Don’t do that, your back will kill you afterwards.”

“Nah, it’s been a pretty good day; even took a muscle relaxant, just in case.” J pulls you in a tight embrace. “I think you’re in luck today, Princess.”

“Hm?” you trace his cheekbones, hoping he means what you think he means.

“That’s why I was looking for you,” he snickers and you wrap your arms around his neck, excited.

“Are you sure, baby? It’s been a while.”

“Well,” J grumbles, “with my current health condition, I’m out of commission quite a lot. Not by choice, of course. Most of the time I feel very sick and…”

“I know,” you interrupt,” I swear I don’t care. I want you to get better and then…”

“That won’t happen so we have to deal with it, OK?” he cuts you off. “It’s so embarrassing not to be able to have you anytime I want though,” he gulps, admitting to the inconvenient truth.

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes, Pumpkin, but my pride…” “Your pride is fine,” you kiss him and he purrs, fired up. The Joker actually attempts to lift you up again but instead you push him towards the huge sofa in the room, slowly taking his shirt off. You give him a soft nudge and he lands on the pillows with you on top of him. Your long hair falls around his head, just like a curtain.

“Seriously, Y/N, I could’ve picked you up; you know I like to do that,” he gropes your butt as you get up a bit in order to take your tank top off.

“No way, I don’t want you to jinx it and hurt your back. I know what you like so enjoy,” you moan when his lips find yours.

“Auch!” The Joker complains when you bite his soft skin. “That’s gonna leave a mark on my neck you naughty girl!” he laughs, panting. “Do it again!”

“Your wish is my command,” you eagerly help him get rid of your sweatpants.

****************

Bad morning for your boyfriend. After you injected his weekly medication and he swallowed the tables too, the side effects settled in.

“Your nurses are here,” you announce, hoping your little surprise will give him a boost of energy.

The triples enter the master bedroom holding hands and J emerges from under the covers and smiles when he sees how cute they are: you braided their hair with neon green hair extensions and they all wear sparkly jeans plus pink t-shirts embroidered with “Daddy’s Number One.” J gets on his elbow to gaze at the high heels they struggle to walk in: the little ones borrowed some of your sandals.

“Awww, so cool to have adorable Pumpkins tending to me,” he struggles to appear cheerful in front of the girls.

“Are you sick daddy?” Mia inquires because you always tell the kids to keep it down when they play since their father is not well.

“Nope, I’m good,” he gestures for them to get up in bed and you aid the four year old nurses reach their patient.

“Your caregivers will give you a massage,” the explanation follows and J turns face down, the little hands starting to rub his back soon after. You crawl by his side, watching them giggle and being happy about playing with their dad. You’re overwhelmed with the view, that’s why you lean over to kiss his shoulder. Your daughters are fast to imitate you, then they return to their task.

Emma stops for a few moments and brings her face close to J’s, whispering:

“Who’s your favorite daddy?”

He laughs and points towards her:

“You are.”

Evie and Mia are on the verge of crying, that’s why he adds:

“And you, and you. I can’t choose: all three look the same.”

Oh, the nurses are thrilled to hear they are daddy’s favorites; there is some pushing around – fighting starts about who should get more to massage.

“Hey, hey!” you separate the feisty girls. “Enough, play nice!” you admonish, aware J hates it when they get noisy.

“You don’t play nice, Doll,” The Joker touches the fresh hickeys and bites he got last night. “Why should they, huh?… At least you don’t seem any better.”

Correct, you don’t. Ahhh, he’s so satisfied with that accomplishment.

You ignore the remark and roll out of bed.

“I’m going upstairs to update your meds, alright? I’ll leave you in the capable hands of your caregivers.”

“That sounds good,” he stretches, enjoying being pampered.

****************

After about 45 minutes, you are almost done selecting the old pills, injectables and lidocaine patches and replacing them with new remedies. As soon as there is something better available on the black market, The Joker is the first one to try it. He also has the best doctors at his disposal, yet nothing seems to improve the illness. From time to time you take a peek at his recent blood test results: nothing is within normal range. It makes you feel so hopeless and helpless.

“Moommmy,” Evie whines as the girls enter the room and you can tell they are pouting, upset about something.

“Yes, honey?” you stash the papers away in the folder.

“Daddy doesn’t want to wake up,” Mia puckers her lips.

“Shit!” you jump from your sit in a frenzy, grabbing a prefilled syringe from the pile of meds on the table. “Go play, I’ll wake up daddy, alright?” you hurry them out of the room.

You don’t even know when you ended up downstairs in the master bedroom, attempting to awaken The Joker.

“Baby, wake up!” you soflly slap his cheek and there is no reaction. “J, open your eyes!” He doesn’t move. You are quick to administer the shot in his vein; not too much left to do but wait now.

This happened before; the doctors described it as losing consciousness in your sleep: if action is not taken immediately, it may result into a coma. The prefilled syringes are a concoction of adrenaline and a bunch of other things you can’t even pronounce.

You lay by him and place your head on his chest, listening to the heartbeat. You are so in love with this sound and you don’t know what you’re going to do when it ends. Just the idea makes you panic.

After about 3 minutes, J is snapping out of his daze. You keep on stroking his face, grateful the medication didn’t fail.

“How are you feeling?” you rest your forehead on his, distressed.

“Meh, not very groovy,” the Prince of Crime confesses, a bit more alert.

“It will get better, just a few more minutes,” you cuddle by him and he groans in pain.“Tell you what: I’ll send the girls to the playground with some of our men and we can spend some time in the jacuzzi. What do you think?”

“I’m not in the mood, Kitten…” J growls, uncomfortable and bitter.

You intend to skip his behavior and proceed with your mission regardless.

**************

You gently push him in the bathroom, impatient to relax.

“Is this what you wanted to show me?!” your boyfriend grumbles, bothered by the plan.

“Yes, the hot tub awaits,” you guide him towards the Jacuzzi and he lets go of your hand.

“I can’t do this nonsense; I’m going back to bed. What’s the point anyway?” The Joker snarls, aggravated.

You go around him and position yourself in front of the exit, blocking the way out.

“The point is, J…” and you pause for a second, glaring at the ceiling,”…that I didn’t really sleep in weeks. I’m absolutely exhausted; can you understand that?” and you sense an imminent meltdown approaching. “Do you know what I do at night?”

He lifts his shoulders up, indifferent to your rant.

“I turn on the lamp on my side and I count all the spots on your skin that I can see. I lose counting and I restart, afraid there are more than the previous days. I count again…and again…,” you flair your arms around, sniffling. ”And every 2 hours or so I check to see if you’re responsive. You get mad and urge me to stop wiggling, but that’s not what I’m doing: I am actually making sure you don’t slip into a coma… I’m so tired,” you whimper. “Can you please get in the hot tub? Preferably without fighting me about it?”

The King of Gotham hates it when you say disarming stuff like this; it makes him feel so strange and he doesn’t like it.

“You’re so irritating…” he shakes his head, undressing. Afterwards, J comes over and takes your summer gown off, then your undies. You don’t make a sound. “Go in, I’ll bring drinks,” he offers and you comply.

J comes back with a can of grape juice for himself and a glass of whiskey for you.

“Here, it appears you need a strong refreshment,” he hands you over the beverage, sitting by you amidst the bubbles and steam. You still don’t reply and sip on the alcohol, discouraged. He restarts his lecture:

“You don’t have to stay up all night guarding me. If it happens, it happens…”

You bite on your lip, drinking more.

“I told you before you have to be prepared,” J sort of mutters. You finish the rest of the whiskey, placing the empty glass by the burning candles on the rail.

“Be prepared?! How the hell can I be prepared for that, hm? Am I just supposed to wait around for my partner to die?!” you hiss at him, not understanding why in the world you’re so dizzy. He wants to answer with a hash comment but you go on:

“I don’t want you to die, OK? “ and your voice breaks. “I watch you getting thinner and your condition worsening…It’s harder and harder to keep everything together… I’ll never be prepared to lose you so stop acting like you know it all!”

“I don’t like your tone, Princess!”

“I don’t care,” you choke on your words, groggy from the strong alcohol. “God, I’m so worn out,” and your eyelids are getting heavier.

“Wanna take a nap?” his voice suddenly softens.

“Nooo, I can’t afford to. The girls will be back soon and…”

“The kids are fine. I’ll watch them,” J offers and you have a hard time concentrating.

“We’ll stay in here for another 20 minutes, then you’re free. Sorry it was such a hustle,” you yawn, rubbing your eyes, miserable and heartbroken.

The Joker is silent until you feel you’re going to pass out in the jacuzzi.

“Jesus, I need to lie down,” you huff and he helps you out, wrapping your body in a fluffy robe. He gets inside one also while you stumble, having a hard time maintaining your balance. “Wow, I think I had too much to drink,” you talk to yourself and he catches up with you, lifting you in his arms before you can protest. “Put me down, your back will hurt!” you beg and want to escape but his grip is strong.

“So?” J kisses your forehead and the weakened state you’re in adds to the sorrow.

“Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me,” and you start crying on his chest, feverish and out of it, not being able to think straight. Your cheeks are so red and you look so lost that The Joker finds it impossible to leave your side once he places you in bed. He holds you tight, watching you fall asleep, still agitated and worried with all the problems clawing at your restless mind.

You have no idea that he crushed two of his sleeping pills and put them in your whiskey after you told him you’re exhausted. Now J is the one awake, protecting you and your troubled dreams. It’s the most a man like him can do: when you struggle with your own demons, letting someone in might feel like vulnerability. But damn, he doesn’t even care and despite the fact that he hates everyone, there’s still that secret list with a few people he actually likes: the obnoxious Godzilla and three little Pumpkins with no names.

**************

“Tonight I’m going to meet with Jax and get your new medication. Do you want to come?” you raise your voice to cover the girls’ screams: they are chasing each other in the living room.

“Yes, I’m coming. Dolls, calm down!” he warns, being a foul mood: the blood tests came back bad again. And you’ve been fighting a lot lately: his attitude worsened and his patience diminished even more as you scramble to hold it together. The fact you don’t feel too well yourself doesn’t help the situation.

You cram a lot of hundred dollar bills in a suitcase as payment for the drugs while the commotion intensifies.

“I want to…Girls!” The Joker yells and your daughters laugh louder and scream up a storm, staggering around the furniture.

“Huh?” you try to pay attention since you didn’t comprehend what he said.

“Quiet!!” he shouts without success.

“That’s enough,” you tell them also since you notice The Joker is annoyed.

They don’t listen and he snaps:

“Can you SHUT. IT .DOWN ?! Are you all deaf, can’t you hear me ?! ” he lashes out and the triples stop, frightened at how menacing he suddenly is. “ You can’t even die in peace in this house!!! Always so much noise!! Don’t I deserve to die in peace, alone and without being bothered???!!!”

You’re stunned at the harsh words and the girls gather around you, clinging to your dress and shoving themselves into you, scared.

J is taking deep breaths, passing his fingers through his green hair, pissed at the disobedience. You really don’t need this on top of everything else. You take the car keys from the coffee table near you, struggling to make the girls get in the elevator since they are rather terrified at their father’s outburst.

“We’re going to the beach girls,” you sadly smile at them, holding the small bodies close to yours. Usually there would be a bunch of jumping around and excitement at the news, but not today.

Before the elevator’s doors close, The Joker hears one more sentence from a very upset girlfriend:

“You do deserve to die alone.”

*************

It’s so difficult for J to drive on his own to the beach house. He has to pull over a few times since the splitting headache and vertigo prevent him from focusing. After taking some tablets to help out with the discomfort, he’s able to get to his destination. The first thing he does is rush inside the bathroom by the entrance, wanting to wash his face with cold water: he feels so warm.

As he wipes his face by the sink, his eyes wonder on the top shelf of the cabinet and his hands drop the towel: four different pregnancy tests, all positive. You probably wanted to make sure.

“Shit…”, he mutters, grinding his teeth. He keeps on staring at them, fidgeting with his jacket.

“Hey, sweethearts!” The Joker hears you sliding the glass door that faces the beach.“Are you hungry?”

The little voices answer, but he can’t distinguish what. Too windy out there.

“Ok then, I’m coming back out, let me know when you want to eat,” and you exit the house again in order to return to your cozy lounging chair on the terrace, watching the girls building a sand castle a few feet away.

You see his shadow approaching and you curl up, bringing your knees to your chin, ignoring his presence.

“Very quiet at the penthouse, I got bored after 10 minutes,” he sighs and you gaze at the girls that are so caught up in their project that they didn’t detect their father yet.“How many men should we take with us tonight?” J chitchats, yet his effort is neglected. “Do you still want to go and get my medication or should I go alone?”

Since you disregard his questions, he has to resort to the last ace in his sleeve.

“I don’t want to die alone, Princess; I rather have someone irritate me until the last moment. You and the three brats seem to be experts in that. Or is it…four brats?…” he hints towards the little finding in the bathroom.

Silence…

Evie is the first one to notice her father.

“Daddy’s here,” she makes the other siblings aware of The Joker’s whereabouts. They stop their play date and cautiously approach when he signals them to come closer.

Emma squeezes Mia’s hand, halting a few times before being dragged in front of her dad. The triplets look at you, not knowing what to do.

“Why are you crying, mommy?” Evie frowns and J distracts them:

“Who wants to sit in my lap, hm?”

“Me…” the shy answer comes from Emma.

“Me too…” Mia follows, pulling on her ponytail; she does that when she’s nervous.

“Daddy’s mine,” Emma whispers, insecure for once.

“No, he’s not!” she gets pushed out of the way by Evie. “He’s mine!”

“No-ooo!!!” Mia bickers. “Daddy’s only mine!”

“Com’ere!” J puts an end to the fight, lifting all them up on his knees. So hard to fit all three but he succeeds.

You watch them without saying a word, wiping your tears from time to time. He sure has a unique way of apologizing, but you are certain that’s what he means by showing up here when it’s clear he doesn’t feel good.

*************

“You came alone?” Jax lifts his head up from the suitcase you brought him, reckoning the money’s all there. “Is that the medication?” you reply with another question, eyeballing the box on the desk.

“Yes, it is. A year’s supply: an injection every six months. Gossip is it works pretty well; VanCriss Laboratories does a lot of researches in the domain. Hopefully it will work for Mister Joker. How is he?”

“He’s ok,” you cut him short, reaching your hand to take the box .The smuggler has a proposition:

“I can get more of this stuff… for the right payment,” he grins, admiring how pretty you are in the red dress. It’s J’s favorite and you are wearing it because he’s taking you on a date afterwards.

“Money is not an issue. Name your price.”

“Oh, honey, I wasn’t thinking about money,” he winks and you snicker. “Not to be disrespectful, but with Mister Joker being ill, I’m sure he can’t take care of your needs anymore. Such a beautiful woman with nobody to satisfy her.”

You start laughing and hop on the desk, sliding towards him.

“Are you forgetting who I am?” you playfully kick his knee with the tip of your black stilettos. “Not at all. I’m just offering my services,” Jax smirks, caressing your ankles.

“So nice of you, darling, I’m flattered,” the prompt reply makes him full of hope. “But there is only one issue…” and your glossy lips come very close to his. “A Queen only shares the bed with her King,” and you kiss his cheek, amused.

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” The Joker knocks with his gun at the cracked door.

Jax frizzes.

“M-Mister J, I didn’t know you came…” the smuggler stutters, suddenly startled.

Your boyfriend creeps inside, his blue eyes darkened by the dim light:

“Say, Jax, does Y/N look like a prostitute to you?”

“W-what?…”

“You just asked her to fuck you. Does she look like a prostitute to you?” J repeats, his fingers tightening on the pistol.

“No, no sir, not at all. I swear I didn’t…”

“Hey, boys!” J shouts, halting Jax’s clumsy atonement. “Does my woman look like a hooker?”

So many voices answering back from outside the room:

“No, sir!”

“No Mister J!”

“No, boss!”

You brought about 25 henchmen with you; they’ve been quietly waiting out there since you got in.

“It’s unanimous: she doesn’t look like a whore,” J cracks his neck, the feeble lighting making him so eerie since he’s skinnier and even more pale than usual.

Jax is freaking out and holds his breath.

“Apparently I’ve been laying low for too long: Gotham seems to have forgotten it belongs to me. My subjects,” he emphasizes, “have the nerve to shamelessly insult me and my girl. I don’t take kindly to such affront!” The Joker signals and you jump off the desk, going by his side.

“Mister Joker, you can take the meds and the money back too,” the idiot tries to fix his huge mistake.

“Oh, trust me: I am, “ J barks, “ even if I don’t need the stupid drugs.” Jax seems confused.

“Didn’t you hear the rumor?” The Prince of Crime yanks at your waist, purring. “I’m going to live forever. Now, if you would excuse me, I have a date,” he places back the gun in his holster and the smuggler exhales, relieved.

You two pass by your men and head out not before J orders:

“You know what to do. Don’t clean the mess, we’re sending out a message!”

*****************

He speeds up towards the club on Savros Street that will be closed all night. It’s opened just for you and The Joker.

“Pumpkin, what do you want to drink?” he takes your left hand and kisses your silver painted nails while you enjoy the breeze coming from the rolled down windows. “I guess I’m stuck with juice, I can’t have any alcohol,” you close your eyes, keeping your other hand on your tummy.

“Yeah, me neither, so we’ll have to manage,” J kisses the tip of your fingers one more time before letting go. “Take a nap; I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

“U-hum,” you get comfortable on your side, excited you are out and about with him.

J continues to drive, only one thing in his mind for the moment: that list of his… with nameless people he likes will have to expand soon. Such a small list, very few people…

But there is always space for one more.