#totally so fully normal
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#veruca salt one of the bands of all time to me. as u may or may or not have guessed#from all the veruca salt music link posts.#it’s gonna get loud. it’s gonna get heavy. i want to kiss the ground and lay down according to saint me <- lines that will have u feeling#totally so fully normal#veruca salt#my text
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2x14 | 7x6
#you know buck just casually having his arm fully around eddie for longer than a second#we have come so far#started from the bottom now we're here#they are insane#totally normal platonic friend behavior#yep#buddie#buck x eddie#eddie x buck#evan buckley#eddie diaz#ryan guzman#love#2x14#7x6#911 abc#oliver stark
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A pair of birds of prey for days 15 and 16 of @hermitadaymay !!! Definitely not a day and a half (?) late
#my art#Hermitaday#hermitadaymay#hermitadaymay2024#hermit-a-day may#Hermit-a-day may 2024#Hermitcraft#hermitcraft fanart#falsesymmetry#falsesymmetry fanart#welsknight#welsknight gaming#welsknight fanart#WHY DID I DECIDE TO DRAW THE STUPIDEST POSE FOR FALSE AND ARMOR FOR WELS AND WINGS FOR THEM BOTH ALL IN ONE DRAWING…#These cunts have six total hours tracked on them… I didn’t even do a background because they took so long…#and thats not even counting looking for armor and feather references like this took two straight days#I’m very proud of it though#anyways they’re NOT related I was in the middle of drawing and realized they looked uncannily alike. So I made the wise decision to give-#-Wels the same mole I give False and the same little lower lash because they’re nose and eye shapes already matched#they’re not siblings (shown by one of them not even being an actual raptor bird) but they do look uncannily similar#and I’ve decided now that my False and Wels like to just lie to people and say they’re twins for fun.#They both have fucked up doppelgängers they would find it funny.#anyways False is a red tailed hawk (specifically a dark morph)#and Wels is a peregrine falcon#armor is so hard to draw guys never draw armor it SUCKS. I did get to have Laois Dunmeshi Touden on my screen for reference the whole time-#-I was drawing Wels though so it’s not all bad#still baffled I draw the human body part of that pose for false so easily though. Fully believe I was possessed by one of the Greek muses-#-or something because I do not know enough about anatomy to have that shit memorized but it looked normal when I looked at it so. Shrugs#anyways YES i will get to Etho tomorrow… I may just draw him WITH Joe because I wanna draw him but I don’t wanna think about posing two-#-difference pieces… though then I’d have to pose them together… but the appeal of putting a Kakashi cosplayer and a muppet next to each-
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small little sonadow video because this audio would not leave me alone so i had to draw something for it
#my art#fanart#sonic fanart#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonadow#sth#sonic prime#animatic#guys i'm so normal about sonic#these two are like rotting my brain#also sonic would have totally ran after shadow but he didn't want to fully leave the chao behind
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Luke @ The 5SOS Show Tour NYC - 21 August 2023
#a totally chill and calmly and rationally curated collection of photos for posterity and literally no other reason#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#luke#the 5sos show tour nyc#kh4f post#the tattoo alone would've been enough to make me 👹#the vest alone would've been enough 👹#but 🤸🏻♀️ both 🤸🏻♀️ has 🤸🏻♀️ caused 🤸🏻♀️ some 🤸🏻♀️ distress 🤸🏻♀️ ngl 🤸🏻♀️#that vest 👹#his entire chest is just like. there.#it's right there.#and it's hairy. unlike some other vest wearing individuals tonight so it especially hits home 👹#THE PEARLS 👹#THE MAKEUP 👹#AND 🤸🏻♀️ THE 🤸🏻♀️ TATTOO🤸🏻♀️#what a night to pretend this guy hasn't fully become my cheat lane#i accidentally wrote chest lane#so things are going great and my brain is focused on normal things 👹#also look how wide his shoulders are that's fine I am fine about it just wanted to mention for no reason ok bye#🧛🏻♀️#the 5sos show tour
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anyway i thjnk the most fucked up thing about i am a gun is that bruce is fucking right. his mental version of joker is damn accurate. even so early on in his career he's able to see past joker's evil uncaring monster outer persona and recognize the human inside of him who's alone and afraid and hurting, who desperately wants to be saved but doesn't know how to be anything other than the joker. even if you disregard that "the last smile" story the tkj script makes it Quite Clear that joker very badly wants to accept batman's offer but he doesn't feel like rehabilitation is a viable option for him (for multiple reasons)
#it's just so. auuuuuhhhhhhhghh#that bruce was able to recognize that so early on in their relationship like holy fuck#i feel soooooo cool and ordinary and normal about i am a gun (lie)#+ i'd have to reread the tkj script to be totally sure but i'm Pretty Sure it's the first comic that makes it overtly clear#beyond the shadow of a doubt that bruce wants to help joker not for pragmatic reasons like stopping his crimes or averting their deaths#but because he recognizes that beneath it all joker is a very sad lonely broken person coping with life the only way he knows how#(or at the very least not ONLY for pragmatic reasons)#(and yeah it's heavily implied in tkj and other stuff but i am a gun fully spells it out)#hjjijfjkjkkkkkhhhhhhh#batjokes#agony anguish pain#can't think abt batman 127-130 for too long it makes me so
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So he's just gone full mask off huh? Not even trying to hide it?
#so yeah#wealthiest man in the world buys incredibly influential social media platform and proceeds to fully endorse a political party with it#totally normal day in capitalism#not even exaggerating with that last tag this is functionally no different to what rupert murdoch has been doing for the last 50 years#just musk is much much less subtle about it
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I was wondering if there are any rare happy ritsu moments in ur zombie au since hes always miserable I think,, like is he always miserable or is he happy/not miserable and feeling kinda good sometimes?
VWHDGDGD NO YEAH OFC HE'S HAPPY SOMETIMES im just horrible and enjoy putting him through misery
ive never been able to get a genuine smile to look right on his face in my art style either i think thats part of it. as ive said his face is just built to be mildly uncomfortable and bothered and i lean into it sm it's starting to get kinda funny
but yes ritsu is happy plenty! i think, canonically, he just seems like the type of person to me that tends to turn lemonade back into lemons. he's easy to scare and his first reaction to things is often Dread and Anxiety. he dwells on the negatives a lot and seems to be a "hope for the best, expect the worst," kinda guy, but there's a section in this post abt shigeo always loving the little things in life, and ritsu steadily learns throughout the journey on how to do that and how healing it can rly be. even if he had to grow up too fast during this whole thing and learn things a kid should never have to, the journey also gave him some good insight and lessons in other places! ritsu is smart, he figures it all out
in terms of little things here n there he's the happiest lil guy on the planet when he finds one of his favorite foods—swings his legs while he sits and munches on a kitkat bar like he's got absolutely nothin in the world to worry abt. sometimes mob does smth funny that he laughs at; for the longest time i've had this silly image in my head of mob accidentally knocking down a bucket from a store shelf and it lands on his head and he just kinda stands there and makes noises.when the noises continue out of pure curiosity about the weird echoey quality it's giving them ritsu cannot help but lose it
besides tiny things tho, when tome comes around ritsu in general is a lot happier, just cuz he has somebody to talk to that will actually respond in some way. they're sorta reluctant partners in crime at first (at least on ritsu's end) but over time and over bonding they grow to rly like each other's presence. they bicker constantly but it's almost always fond eventually, and they shove each other and playfight until mob gets antsy enough to get worked up about it. rly, tome is a godsend to ritsu's mental health—after months and months of being effectively alone with his thoughts, he finally has another person to converse with. a person His Age, too!
tome is rly good at knowing when ritsu is thinkin himself into oblivion and she's Also rly good at being the most annoying girl on the planet to yank him outta that and replace any misery with Oh My God Get Off Me You Freak. she doesn't even do this on purpose at first, but over time she learns how to tell when he's thinking too hard and, ofc, she's grown attached and she cares, so she's as obnoxious as possible to lighten the mood
when they find reigen n teru, ritsu gradually gets Much happier still. now that he knows they're safe and the gang is finally back together (and now that there's an Adult present and he can relax a lil and let himself be taken care of) his stress levels r exponentially lowered. having teru back is another instant lift to his mood—im always a big fan of teru and ritsu friendship, and i think adding tome to their dynamic simply makes it more chaotic. truly a trio of the 3 most normal teenagers in existence which will surely bring nothing but good (reigen sweats offscreen)
actually this makes me feel bad for forever torturing him im gonna go draw happy zau ritsus brb ,.,.ok imback <3
#qktalks#anon#zombie au#tw guns#<- for that glock in the corner . sorry#actually it looks like he's at gunpoint in that one and just going teehee about it#he looooooves tormenting tome .and tome loves tormenting him. it's their favorite pastimes#i don't rly like the second one too much tbh the sleeves are weird but i think that's just the Nature of how poofy they can get#oh this is a great time to talk abt their dynamic. sorry.this ask isn't abt that.but now it is#so i realize that tome and ritsu ??? don't rly interact in canon at all. and neither do tome and teru . as a matter of fact#but consider. uhm.what ifthey did <3 GVYIEAV#like i said they're all So incredibly normal it'll make for a great time#^ genuinely i do think so actually. most of the time anyway#i touched on it a lil bit in recondite but i rly like the idea of mob ritsu tome and teru all being a friend group#teru would undoubtedly piss tome off sometimes she'd call him out on his bullshit#but like.in terms of the canon timeline i think post-mob teru would Totally listen to her#and take what she says abt How he is into consideration. he's trying to rebuild himself into somebody better#teru and ritsu already have a dynamic in canon but it feels pretty loose and it isn't fully explored at all#i think they work together rly well tho. there's no real evidence to the contrary iirc i think they work together in canon quite well#they think alike in terms of fighting#and in a setting like this‚ once teru is on the same page as ritsu on zombies‚ they're prolly a pretty damn good team#there's a lot of room for things to go wrong tho#if i had to sum it up rly succinctly it'd be: ritsu's motive is fear‚ tome's motive is curiosity‚ and teru's motive is power#what i mean by teru's being power is Not the pre-mob teru ''wanting'' to be powerful and unstoppable#i mean teru wants to have power over everything that is trying to hurt them#he doesn't Want to cower he wants to Fight tooth and nail#and i think ritsu's fear versus tome's curiosity and teru's drive of power conflicts a lot#ritsu is passive in the sense that he'll do anything in his power to avoid altercations with anything to order to keep mob safe#he isn't Active until something goes Wrong. and usually things go Wrong when teru and tome rush ahead#WOW sorry i went on a rant that was Completely unrelated to the fucking question. im at the 30 tag limit bye
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It’s always so funny to me when someone can’t tell the difference between an actor who’s over the top and an actor who is doing an intentionally over the top performance. The former can be super aggravating, I get it—but the latter can be so goddamn effective. Especially when you know the actor already, know they’re fully capable of giving normal human facial expressions and chill line deliveries. And they’re out here doing The Absolute Most all of a sudden? It’s for a reason, dude. It’s almost always for a reason. And once you can see past the camp on the surface, it’s so much fun digging in to what emotions the character is actually hiding.
#this is mainly about servant (and to a lesser degree YJ)#like Ambrose in servant is (pardon me) serving SUCH a chaotic performance#but having known her for decades I know full well that’s on purpose#Dorothy is over the top because she HAS to be. because she’s built walls so high around her own grief that the denial comes out in Crazy#and she fully thinks she’s the only one paying attention. the only sane one in the room.#you get glimpses of her being ‘normal’ in flashbacks#still a little Much. still a product of wealth and expectation. detached from reality to a degree.#but the character she becomes after the tragedy is. A Character.#it’s not the woman she was before. she bricked that woman up. she’s taken her performance from television and made a baby blanket out of it#it’s so. so intentional.#and you sort of get a similar thing going with Hewson in early eps of YJ#totally different starting block. Van doesn’t start out traumatized. but she does start out Big#she’s loud she’s silly she’s being intentionally wacky to get laughs out of people#and some of it comes off a little cringe. because it’s a kid playing a role#this is how you like me. I’m gay. I’m butch. I’m hiding.#if I’m a jester you’ll see what I want you to and nothing more. that’s the plan. it’s working. don’t look at the goalie.#not as a person.#but as the show goes on (or as she’s spending time with taissa) she slows down some. quiets. she’s snarkier. holding tension differently.#Hewson starts the performance at an 11 so they can really delve into who Van becomes when the mask is off#when there’s no point in playing the class clown#when it’s like. ah yeah. here’s the kid who grew up too fast.#here’s the kid who’s scared to death. and angry. and willing to fight to live.#it’s not an overacting thing. it’s VAN overacting to keep her secrets#watch the face so you miss what the hands are doing#actors man. actors are fucking cool. storytelling is fucking cool.#deconstructing the illusion is my favorite thing#(anyway still watching servant and it’s still really. Something Else.)
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I finished the Ansur quest yesterday and I have to say, I'm very curious where all the "fuck the Emperor for what he did to Ansur" people are coming from?
Because to believe that Ansur was in the right here, you have to either believe that the Emperor's version of events is a lie (which is quite a stretch, considering that Ansur doesn't deny or contradict any of it), or it really just boils down to whether you believe that the Emperor is a person who deserves autonomy, or a monster who deserves a merciful culling at best. And I have to say, the latter doesn't sit well with me. And neither does the way Ansur treats our heroes. They came to seek help, completed all the challenges, proven themselves worthy, only to be viciously attacked because Ansur doesn't see them as anything more than mind flayer thralls.
Ever since I committed to the Emperor romance (to the extent the game allows you, I guess) I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, and from the way people talked about this quest I thought this must be it. I was walking into the wyrm's lair expecting a smoking gun, and instead just got a nice little bit of backstory. Sad, yes. Tragic, even. I can't wait to go into the Balduran/Ansur tag for all that sweet, sweet angst. But if I was supposed to find something there that would convince me that "the Emperor sucks actually", I honestly didn't. I guess, if you really wanted to reach that far, you could argue that this is proof that the Emperor wasn't fully transparent with us, but to be honest, if I had had to kill someone I cared about, in self-defence, because they thought I was becoming a monster and decided I'd be better off dead, I'd probably keep that little tidbit to myself too, idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#bg3#bg3 spoilers#tavposting#also not to be a total sap about this BUT#this makes choosing to make love to the Emperor in its true form so much more profound#fully embracing the form its former closest ally (friend? lover?) so completely and brutally rejected#excuse me while i go scream into my pillow#i'm totally normal about this i swear
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The Dragon and The Jester: A Nowen Total Drama Fantasy AU
The Truth As It Is Written
Once upon a time, there was a prince named Chris. He was fourth in line for the throne, yet was still promised a life of luxury.
This didn't matter to Chris. He wanted more.
He attempted to scheme his way to the throne. Each time he was thwarted before he could get too far. Each scheme was bolder than the last. Each one treason worthy of punishment. Yet his father couldn't bear to see any of his children hurt. No matter how much they hurt him.
So Chris was pardoned, over and over. For 35 years, this process continued. His father kept getting older, making his eldest sibling's coronation all the more looming. The threat turned into reality when his father revealed that he would relinquish the crown early for a peaceful retirement.
This, Chris couldn't allow.
On the day of his eldest siblings' coordination, all of the immediate royal family was gathered to celebrate the event. As joyous as the occasion was, the king was still wise enough to assume his ambitious son would plan something. He ordered extra guards to keep a steady eye out and watch for any tricks. Their focus was on the outsiders coming in to celebrate.
None could anticipate the ravenous dragon that swooped down from the sky.
When the dust settled and the last ember flickered, Prince Chris stood atop the ashes and named himself King. He announced that all who dared to oppose him would face the beast he had tamed.
Thus started his bloody campaign to annihilate all who could possibly challenge him for the crown. The Dragon torched soldiers and devoured civilians for the king's amusement. The mindless beast provided no mercy for those in its warpath.
With each life it destroyed, it grew larger. It was only the size of two wagons during its first rampage. By the time its growth slowed, only the tallest soldiers matched the height of a single claw.
The massacre grew even worse when the king debuted The Jester to the world. The old court jester had been one of the casualties of the first massacre. The first act of this jester was to desecrate his grave.
Where The Dragon struck, The Jester was soon to follow. The Jester ridiculed the grieving and made a mockery of the dead. He saw the ruins of towns suspected of harboring enemies of the king, and he laughed.
Worse still, The Jester was as brilliant as he was cruel. He would come along to battle and twist his words just right to anger enemies enough to break rank and weaken themselves. He had the ear of the king, and would whisper strategy of bloodshed and further destroying the morale of those who would oppose him.
Despite the odds stacked against them, resistance bloomed still. Pockets formed in the hopes of one day deposing King Chris and restoring peace to the kingdom. One even dared to form in the capitol, the heart of Chris' power.
In this pocket were two newer recruits: Owen and Noah. Owen, a palace guard in training to keep control of the masses through any bloody means necessary, who wished only to be a pacifist once the revolution was complete. Noah, a wizard-in-training who had been kidnapped from his home in service of the king who only wished to return to a family unthreatened.
Both have every reason to be loyal to the cause of the king's death. Neither could ever risk showing their full potential for the cause. They wanted to keep their heads.
No rebel would ever believe that The Dragon and The Jester deserved any form of mercy.
Even if their actions had never been their choice.
#It's finally happening fellas#I cracked like a peanut and started going off about it on the intern server#So I figured it's only fair you guys get to see some of what I was cooking#I've still not fully written this out but I do have good chunks of it down so that's good for me#also don't expect the other posts to be in this style#this one was just because i had an idea and I had to try it out#and also because I don't know which backstory to go into first so I'm doing what I normally do when I'm indecisive#leave the decision to other people#still I'm really excited to go off about this AU#have fun and feel free to ask me questions about it!#total drama#total drama au#total drama noah#td noah#total drama owen#td owen#total drama chris#td chris#chris mclean#td nowen#total drama nowen#nowen#td au#fantasy au#sfw giant/tiny#giant/tiny#The Dragon and the Jester
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bought this blueberry soda and on the label it just says BLUE BERRY SODA and all i can think of is. well. you should know. its so evocative of it. you know.
#sorry in advance these will be weirder and way way way way way more niche and kink thoughts#im not immune to thinking about it by the way sorry gang who thought there was a chance of me being fully normal#for the record for the people who dont knwo and somehow read this far: im talking about inflation#somethign soemthing blueberries common trope in especially furry inflation work#and a lot of the time when its some kind of drink it just kind of says blueberry on the can/bottle and leaves it at that#inflation is not something i think about Constantly generally i enjoy weight gain and general fatfur stuff more#but its something i think about enough to be relevant. favorite blueberry shit is like#yeah its inherently inflation but also its done in a way that does lasting weight gain insteada just blowing the guy up like a balloon. hot#imagining guzzling down the soda and over like the course of 5-10 minutes just getting fucking huge like total outgrowth of all my clothes#and its specifically the soda and i know its the soda but i drink more anyways because it tastes so good (it does!) and it feels even bette#cue getting larger and fatter etc etc etc. i can envision it in my head it doesnt matter if you can its just for me#lycan rambles
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Hello! This is Solalynn from A03.
I've been meaning to make a bunch of fanart for your fic 'Long Live The King' on my tablet, but I guess I've really had trouble focusing, let alone the fact that I usually have schoolwork to get done. But I did make a pencil sketch during classes that I'd like to share. I hope you like it!
OHHHH MY GOODNESS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH???? OHH YOU ADDED THE ORBITTING STAR TOO!!!! SGNKDGGSNKJGDF THANK U DEARIE THIS IS SO LOVELY
#long live the king au#king sun | nebula#sun | binary#i love the doorway i now fully believe in rounded top doors in the castle library#theyre ~whimsical~#anyway thank you SO much for this im gonna be totally normal about it i swear i would never lie of course now
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hi uh. doodle dump be upon ye
#shaking at a speed that can shatter glass. feeling normal about them all. tonight#(i am LYING through my teeth)#i have not stopped thinking abt mel and cerelia since saturday 😭#also no they arent. sisters#in the very last one with the theyre just like how she was?? thats mel reminiscing abt cerelia#its kinda a ven and nb situation. mel looked totally different back then with cerelia#after Incident mel just went. okay. honoring you. okay??#also reason why calla (one in second that thea is hiding behind) is sulking: she suggested tomfoolery#and by that. hey soleil what if we threw a— (no calla. we are not throwing half the surroundings at ppl.)#don’t be fooled calla is a mischief maker and is fully enabling thea (and occasionally finch)#soleil voice PLEASE GUYS. PLEASEEE. IM MADE OF FIRE I CANT PUT IT OUT VERY WELL#anyways that first thea is just abt the cutest thing ive ever drawn im so 🥺#i love her. my darling child. aough#lantern says stuff#lantern’s oc pile#lantern’s art corner#thea#finch#calla#soleil#mel#cerelia#endless flames
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Using this as an audio reference for the posts I'm making, but to summarize:
Yuri starts out mad.
Yuri tries to calm himself down with a deep breath to ask for details instead of going through it angry.
Flynn doesn't say "like a good knight" in the sense of putting himself down. He simply says "as a knight" (the tl here doesn't use that, but with that included it's basically along the lines of "even though I had doubts, as a knight, I was determined to follow my orders").
Once Yuri has answers he calms down significantly.
Yuri uses " 'ttaku", which is a shortened down version of "mattaku" (Yuri often shortens words and speaks very casually), which in this particular situation basically would mean "geez", or "good grief". In this manner, it's expressive of exasperation/frustration/etc.
Yuri never mentions that "Flynn told him what to do" like the dub does (because in fact Flynn did not ever tell Yuri what to do. He only gave Sodia and his other knights orders. He expressed his own desire to take responsibility, but never told Yuri and his friends what to do).
At this point you can tell the anger has gone out of him and that he's calmed down, now that Flynn is approaching this with admission and responsibility.
Sodia is asking that Flynn returns as soon as possible (I believe this was a general translation error).
Flynn's thank you to Yuri is tonally much more heartfelt.
Yuri's response and gratefulness at Flynn coming back to himself is tonally much more heartfelt, relieved and sincere.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#basically the dub version is littered with errors /and/ your regular resident angry dub Yuri#just to be clear on mattaku it can also mean ''completely'' ''totally'' ''seriously'' etc. it depends on the context#''yare yare'' is also used for ''geez'' and ''good grief'' but in a more sarcastic/casual way#''mattaku'' or in this case '' 'ttaku'' is more of a quiet expression of exasperation rather than smth you'd yell/shout when aggravated#it CAN sometimes be used like damn as a minor expletive but tbh I personally I wouldn't put it in this situation#bc his aggravation is lessening and they're getting to the point so I'd argue it's more just exhausted of the whole thing#but the dub took it a step further and used it as fuel against Flynn as they do mcfuckin' do#I'd say it's more ''damn it'' at the whole situation bc there's absolutely no reason at this point to say ''damn it Flynn''#esp bc that led into the dub having Yuri go at him accusing him of telling them what to do when he... literally did not#and did not even imply he was going to. it was just pulled from their asses and/bc Yuri never even said Flynn's name there#it's stuff like this where they add remove and change things always in stark opposite of Flynn's favor that riles me up :/#what I mean is that the dub changed Yuri's overall exasperation into smth accusatory when rly Yuri is like#stop trying to do this by yourself. it was never about oh woe is me how dare you tell us what to do#if he was directing a ''damn it'' at Flynn it STILL would not be bc ''he told them what to do''#it would STILL BE because Flynn was trying to take this responsibility fully onto himself#it's so irritating bc the dub will be spot on right on point with everything but then AS SOON as it's abt Flynn it's like#they start messing around with things and the tl is changed and yadda yadda until around late arc 2#it like lowkey comes across as enemy to ally instead of ally with a whole character arc#and the reason I legit feel like they did it on purpose is BECAUSE they can obviously tl correctly based on other areas of the game#but when Flynn is involved they tweak things if not just outright change the context (remember my Nordopolica post? yeahhhh)#how is that not on purpose? how is it that everything can be spot on for a chunk all at once#but then a certain char shows up and it's repeatedly inaccurate? repeatedly geared in a negative light that originally didn't even EXIST?#and then ofc they almost always use Yuri himself to reflect that negativity against Flynn which is a WHOLE other story/issue for me#it's like... say I wrote a neutral statement. someone comes along and tls with negative sounding additions. it's sort of like that#I'm not that good at explaining things/how I feel abt things but yeah I hope that makes sense#it's just like... I KNOW they can tl spot on so when I keep seeing them stick in all these things with/against Flynn it upsets me sm#it feels like they tl normally and then see Flynn and go oh hold on let's change that bc it's Flynn#and that's why it's so frustrating for me :/
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(trying out a tumblr vent, don't mind me)
#when will i stop getting fucking COLD FLUSHES of anxiety in flirty interactions#i know it's related to anxiety about having to set boundaries that i don't fully know myself#and the fear of having to communicate when they've changed in ways i don't think the other person will “like”#the stresses of being asexual in the dating scene#i'm talking to a guy at the moment and i'm attracted to him#but he just made a jokey comment about making out which is a totally normal flirty thing to say#but immediately my body has flooded the adrenaline (not in the good way) like i'm being hunted for sport#and i KNOW if i communicate to him that i don't know if i want that he'll probably understand#and i KNOW that most people won't push deliberately when you say you want to take things slow#but there's just such a strong perceived pressure that it takes almost nothing from the other person for that fear to bubble up#i hate hard conversations and i hate not being able to go with the flow on things#and being “difficult”#and i don't know anyone else i can talk to who feels this way for ideas on how to work around it#i genuinely think this is the biggest thing holding me back#after my first kiss i got so anxious and wrapped up in my head because i didn't like it that much; that ALL of my feelings towards that#person went sour and i lost all attraction to them#literally how do you work around THAT#it feels like everyone around me has the physical/sexual attraction to fall back on when they're unsure#but i don't have that#literally what do you even DOOOO with this hhHGHGHGHGUHURGHUGUGHGH
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