Nicole's Rambling: The Avengers Problem (for PS4)

Let's start with the usual chanting: ❗this is my opinion, it's biased as hell (since I grew up with Marvel comic books and movies) and you don't have to agree❗

I was wondering why Avengers game gets so hated... So I took a look and I played it myself. Let’s have a look.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First off: the game isn't in any way horribly bad. It's just a button smasher with a story that has its good and bad beats. It's not memorable at all, but it could've gone way more downhill in my opinion.

At the start of the game, you meet the mighty Avengers through child fan's eyes - it's pure fanservice and let's be honest, it's dope. It was sweet, but pretty dragged, to be honest. I really didn't need to play as all five Avengers (HAWKEYE IS MISSING, AGAIN) in the first hour of the game, but sure, why not?

For the most part, you see the squad through Kamala Khan's eyes. For those who might have not a clue who the hell Kamala is; I am not wondering about why you don't know who the hell she is. She's a Marvel heroine who outed in 2013 and who will have her own spinoff on Disney+.

And again, Ms Marvel is fine, but not memorable at all. I've never, until this day, met anyone who would say that 'Ms Marvel is my favourite superhero'. I was halfway through the game before I even realized it's Ms Marvel - AFTER SHE PULLED HER DAMN COSTUME OUT. That can be due to my utter ignorance or because I heard of her so little that I can count it on my fingers. In all honesty, I loved Kamala as the story progressed, the gal's not bad at all - but as the whole game, she had good and bad beats. There were times where I wished to play as Iron Man and the game forced me to play as her... Whatever.

Let's look at the three problems I have with this game and three positives I found in the game:

0. (Technically zero since it's a personal problem of mine) The soundtrack and the voice actors:

By any means, I am not trying to say they should hire RDJ for the role of Iron Man and Mark Ruffalo for the role of Banner... But it was so hard to distinguish the voice of Nolan North (For example: Nathan Drake x Iron Man) and Troy Baker (Samuel Drake x Bruce Banner). For me, as for a PS4 gamer, it's annoying to hear the same voices again and again in every game I am genuinely excited about (Idk how Xbox players are familiar with them). Of course, there's even Laura Bailey as the Black Widow; I feel like these are the three only people who do voice acting for games these days and sure, I should've seen that coming.

Side note: Nolan North is not a good fit for Iron Man in the slightest in my opinion, but if you like his Iron Man, that's cool as well!

The soundtrack... M A N, the soundtrack. When I heard Marvel gave a green light to the Avengers game, I expected to hear at least the iconic Alan Silvestri's 'The Avengers'. Problem with this is simple: Marvel had spoiled its consumers with good and memorable soundtracks (don't you tell me you don't remember as they all gathered for the first time). Since it was Marvel itself who gave the green light for this project, which was supposed to be based loosely on the movies' and comic book success, I hoped to get all of it.

It's not Iron Man when AC/DC song isn't playing in the background as he flies through a canyon for his life. I mean, Iron Maiden are fine; but come on. COME ON. It's not the same. It's not the Avengers (WITHOUT HAWKEYE) without their significant theme.

1. IT. BUGS. ALL. THE. TIME and the combat is incredibly repetitive:

When I was little, I was a rage gamer. I could barely play Crash Bandicoot or Rayman without losing my cool. Since then, I grew up, skilled and etc. I try not to rage when playing games since it's simply not worth it.

But when you're replaying a boring mission for the tenth part and you're almost over and SUDDENLY, the game bugs out and you lose control over the character (it starts running in circles, etc.) it sucks shit. And don't let me start on the minor bugs. Like when you don't cross the platform by one pixel and the game doesn't let you make combos when you're in the air and bug into a tree when you bug into a wall, a rock, fucking nothing... Bruh. It was released in August, shouldn't these bugs be fixed by now? The game is fucking broken, hoes. It barely feels like a game ready to launch at times.

When you're so lucky that you don't bug out in the middle of doing something, the combat... It isn't bad. It's not terrible, but the Avengers deserved something better. It didn't deserve mediocre combat that repeats itself in every level. Once you find yourself good combo, you're done for. You can use it to finish the game if you will.

2. There's too many missions, too much information and too much things player has to understand if he wants to play the game properly:

Okay, this might seem to be a little confusing; I didn't understand the game system at all when I first ran it on my PS4. There's story missions, HARM training sessions, daily missions for particular heroes, faction missions (SHIELD, Pym, Stark, etc.) and character-side-story missions, and a lot more.

Trust me, it doesn't sound that hard, but once you open the map menu for yourself... Oh boy, that's a different story. And if it only was the map menu. The inventory and such aren't too collected all together either. Before you can safely tell what is what, it will take you at least a whole afternoon. Also, the fact that game just spills it on you just like that, one thing after another, it doesn't help the overall feel.

On top of that, there are MULTIPLE currencies in the game; some even involve microtransaction. It mostly is involving the customization of the Avengers, so it's not THAT big of a deal; you can get one currency by collecting boxes and stuff, but it takes ages before you can buy one single thingy.

Also, if you would like to get stuff (very useful stuff) from factions (SHIELD and Pym mainly), you have to do in-factions daily quests, which usually require to do a certain amount of things as a particular hero (you can do some quests with Ms Marvel only, some with Black Widow, it usually involves the damage dealt while playing as a character etc.). And if you forget to fetch these minies? Well, no faction points for you, bucko.

The system feels overall too complicated in the begging and even after finishing the game, I am not certain by some.

3. The gameplay of the one and only... Natasha Romanov, and the entirety of Steve Rogers:

Right off the bat: IT. SUCKS. SHIT.

This was your shot in opening our mouths and showing why Black Widow BELONGS to the Avengers in the first place. Like, sure, storywise you proved the point, but gameplaywise... That's a different story.

Out of the bunch, Natasha feels the slowest, most clumsy and overall not too pleasant to play as. Mainly is because her attacks do... Nothing. The gun reloading is basically constant when I have to put it simply and it takes about 3-5 seconds for her to even reload; which can be a matter of life and death inside the game. Sure, she can make herself invisible; but that's like... It. It's not that it would be suffering when you are forced to play as Nat... But not a pleasant experience either.

On the other hand, maybe it's just me. I have friends who told me the same about her gameplay, but maybe there's someone who enjoys the Black Widow. It's my personal with the entirety of the gameplay.

Steve, on the other hand, isn't hard to play as. It's just fucking boring. At the start of the game, I couldn't wait to play as Steve's character. He seemed to be awesome - Jesus fuck, how could I be so wrong? As I said, he's incredibly boring and dry, his skills would do the same amount of work if they even weren't there. I think that Rogers is there just for the shock value (as a value that doesn't even work in the slightest) and nothing more.

As you learn to do the tricks and combos with them, it gets slightly better and skill tree and equipment upgrades can help almost unnoticeable... But really, Steve and Natasha are the absolute worst.

Now the reasons why the game convinced me it isn't a hot mess as I initially thought:

1. The characters, dynamics, chemistry and the overall story:

Sure, it is mainly a basic plotline, a cookie-cutter one, full of cliché - Avengers have to regroup after a traumatic event and you're the one who has to find them and bring them together.

Yet it is quite interesting; the game leads you to believe that Steve Rogers is dead after an event called the 'A-Day' (which you won't believe even if the game does the hardest to make you to, constantly remaining you that 'Oh boy, Cap died, did you know that?') and the Avengers had left to exile because they were considered as big bad for the people and the country. They have their emotional baggage and the banter between Banner and Stark (though it ends too soon), is just the thing that makes them human and relatable.

Even the villains are quite compelling; not like ultra super convincing, but the game can turn around when you least expect it to; which is definitely a huge plus.

The characters were done GOOD. The dialogues are full of personality and jokes you'd expect from each one of them; Banner is a wallflower cutie, Tony fishes for compliments all the time, Natasha is the big independent woman she always was and Thor? CHEF'S KISS, I swear. It hits the Shakespearean vibe perfectly and at the same time, he still is charming and quite funny to hang around.

Every time you can listen to a chit-chat between two characters, it is a great pleasure for you as a Marvel fan. Also, I need to say that regardless of my personal issue with the dub (regarding Tony and Bruce; since they're the people you spend most of your time with), the dialogues for these two characters are on point without a doubt. And I kinda grew fond of the in-game Bruce Banner throughout the course of the game, to be honest.

There are references, jokes, inside jokes, one-liners... The dialogue was done amazingly and that's a huge   T H A N K   Y O U  to the developers.

2. The mind-blowing gameplay of... Tony Stark and Thor and AI, while not being too bright, getting stronger as you do:

In what the Natasha gameplay lacks, these two give you exactly what would you expect and way, way more than you'd ask for. Again, it mainly reflects the personal gameplay preferences of the player; let me tell you why I think these gameplays are, in my opinion, the best.

a) Tony's gadgets and weaponry: The suit itself is bloody brilliant. Once you master the ability to attack and fly at the same time, you have the moments when you can not only feel like Iron Man - but really be Iron Man. It's not even that your gameplay would suddenly become 10x easier; it significantly becomes funnier.

b) Thor's heavy fist-to-fist and Mjolnir preferences: the Mjolnir is bloody brilliant as well. Thor's combat is mainly physically based, but when you want to throw the hammer around like the madman you are, you can suit yourself. You can use the lightning if you please and you can fly if this style of combat suits you. It's all in your hands. Thor can take quite a bit of damage, which is significantly supporting you in this style. If you accidentally drop Mjolnir? Well, call it back and smash them!

Also, regarding the AI... As I said, they're certainly not the brightest sparks in the flame; yet thanks to the power getting bigger as you level up and continue with your story and a huge variety of enemies - from turrets to flying men with flamethrowers. It is just button smasher, but a pleasing one in this regard, I must say.

3. The fanservice to comic book fans, movie fans and loyalty to the property:

As one IGN review once said... "This game makes you feel like Batman." And this game more or less accomplished it as well, but diluted and stripped down. Of course, in no way I can compare this to the masterpiece to the Arkham saga; these games are brilliant.

But there are moments when the game can just drag you inside the story and tell you: "You're Iron Man now, boss. It's in your hands." And it's there. I think the only issue was that the team of devs just took too big of a bite. I wouldn't mind stand-alone titles emerging into one and big Avengers game. That would be fun as well and I would spend my time with it gladly.

To end it: it's a mess, but a good mess you might like. If I was to rate it, would be 5.1/10 Wait until it is on sale, don't rush it. I'm overall disappointed and I most likely will forget I have ever played it.

somnium vidisse se dicat in extremis orbis terrarum - 3

Chapter; 3 Rating; T+ WC; 1656 TWs; medical things, needles Pairing; AddElsAin [transform] AU; modern/dreamsharing scifi Summary; Being the best in the industry had its perks. Herrscher’s name was known far and wide, work offers coming in left and right, extort this, extort that. But that still didn’t stop his boyfriend from getting too tangled up in one of his dreams and switching places with the shade in his head. The shade that he had offered to extort ages ago. Fuck, this is a mess. Notes; heres the joke okay please laugh

illustrated by @declawedcat​♥

PREVIOUS | AO3

Herrsch stood with his back to the group, scribbling onto the whiteboard that he'd pulled out. Because what good lab didn't have a whiteboard on hand? He’d felt bad about erasing Dox’s latest theory, but… well.

"Morphy, you will be our anchor in layer one," he said. She was the most experienced architect of them all, maybe save Sariel, but he needed Sariel inside the dream itself. "Do you have a stable dreamscape on hand?"

Morphy laughed, like twinkling bells, though her eyes were set and determined. "When do I not? I think you'll like it, I was in the middle of showing it off before I was so crudely taken away from my exposeé."

If he didn't know she was joking, Herrsch would have felt bad.

"Glad to hear it. You will keep Conwell as a failsafe, in case anyone needs to be booted." Hopefully they wouldn't. Hope was all he had. "Immo is already anchored in layer two. He… shouldn't be on layer three. We will recon, Laby, you will be the anchor in layer two if he's not there. Otherwise, you are anchoring layer three."

Laby kicked out with a leg, throwing her arms up into the air. Twilight barely held her stable. "Laby will tell Nisha, we will be the best anchor! Pinky promise!"

And because Herrsch wasn't an asshole, he held out his own pinky to twine with hers. The brilliant smile he got as a reward was almost enough to convince him everything was fine.

"Nova, me and you will act as the extractors. Queen and… Iblis and Anular will stabilize the dream if it starts falling apart. Sariel and Prime will be the inside architects. Make sure not to alter too much."

He got a couple nods back. He wasn't used to being the one in charge of large operations, that had usually been either Immo or Nova, back when they had all been part of the DDTP. It made him grateful that he knew these people, knew their ins and outs, what made them tick. Dreaming with more than four people made things imbalanced, so much more prone to going awry.

But they've worked together before.

"Centurion, Shakti, you're on outside duty. Do what you know best."

"You flatterer," Shakti laughed, and he didn't miss the pointed look Queen shot him, or the way Shakti reached over to wind an arm around her shoulders.

"Dox will be our layering overwatch. We can pull him out when Morphy establishes her anchor.” 

He turned to the whiteboard. Now, how the hell does he explain his mess of a timeline and arrows going anywhere in something of a comprehensible fashion?

"Laby was thinking." All eyes turned to the girl. She was lucky Twilight didn't seem to mind her kicking, because the way her legs swung was almost violent at this point. "Now that we are a team again, shouldn't we have a name? Like um… the Els search party!"

"Laby," Prime started softly, "we aren't… looking for El— Immo. We are just going to grab him."

"But Herrsch just said he didn't know if Els was on the second or third layer! That makes us a search party! And ‘Immo search party’ doesn’t roll off the tongue!"

"La—"

"That's fine," Herrsch said, shaking his head in the general direction of Prime. “Would you like to be called the Els search party, Laby?”

“Yes!”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“The dream is crumbling,” Conwell pointed out, watching one of the floating cubes jerk in mid-air, stutter, and fall to the ground where it crumbled into sparkling dust.

Dox made a noncommittal noise, fingers gripping the edge of the cube he sat on, bobbing gently up and down. It still seemed solid enough. “I was never the best choice for an anchor. If it comes too close, I will have to boot us.”

“Would it not be easier to rewind the dream itself?”

“No, rewinding at this point would just speed up the process.”

Conwell hummed in acquiescence, turning back to his cube-watching. Maybe it would have been better to let Shakti hold him until they were ready. Her dream at least had people in them, constructs to populate it. Here, they only had the cubes, and each other. And Dox was about as good a conversation partner as one of the mute cubes, if he were honest, which he wasn’t, thank you very much.

Dox had spent much of his time in this place. If he were alone, the dream wouldn’t crumble, or at the very least, it would take much longer for it to start. Hopping from layer to layer of the same dream somehow made it more stable. Dox had a few hypotheses for why that was, but nothing concrete yet.

He looked down at his phone. Notifications littered the screen, constantly moving to and fro, still unreadable, but the time now read 91:67. Yes, it seemed the dream was truly collapsing in on itself, if even the analog clock turned into a digital and read something like that. 

The time was running out.

"Well, the grass isn't getting any greener," he mumbled, looking down at the decidedly blue grass. "Let me boot us ou—"

He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence. An earthquake shook the ground under them; his cube decided to give out and tumble to the ground, shattering under him and leaving Dox to sprawl on stone, because of course it would bleed through the grass right then. Of course.

At least he wouldn't carry any bruises out of the dream.

“It seems we are just in time.”

Dox looked up to see Herrsch standing in the middle of the endless field, offering a hand that he graciously took to pull himself up. “Everything set up?”

“Thankfully.” Herrsch hesitated for but a moment. “The whole of DDT team came together.”

Dox’s brows did an impressive dance as bewilderment, gratitude, enlightenment, annoyance and resignation flashed across his features. “Even her?”

“Yes. She will just be a backup architect, to keep Immo’s dream from, well…” Herrsch looked around at all the falling cubes, like oversized comets crashing to the ground.

Dox scoffed. “Point taken. I had just hoped not to work with Sariel again.”

Dox’s old crush on Sariel was no secret to anyone, and neither was the borderline-rude way she turned him down and the unspoken animosity between them. “It’s for Immo,” was all Herrsch could say, and it seemed to simultaneously placate and frustrate Dox further.

“I know, I know! Let’s get it over with.”

Herrsch didn’t expect the way Dox’s foot shot out to kick his ankle out, even though he should have. He didn’t have enough time to make a peep before he crashed to the ground and woke up.

Dox turned to Conwell, who was pointedly pretending not to look their way. Dox’s lips curled up.

“Time to go, old man. Want me to trip you, too?”

Conwell mirrored his smile, somber. “No, that won’t be necessary.”

Dox’s smile stayed as a cube changed its trajectory of fall and crashed so close behind Conwell it made his cloak billow. The shade jumped, turned his head halfway, and then he was gone.

Left alone in his dream, Dox spent a minute more watching as it repaired itself, cubes righting themselves, continuing their lazy way across the horizon, the grass that no longer had traces of stone underneath, the sky that twinkled with far-away lights, endless and bottomless around the wide grass pathway winding off into the distance.

Maybe he will add something to this dream, make the cubes more detailed, some gilded edges or something. Maybe a couple of buildings, so they would finally have something to explore instead of standing around, to show off to Immo when he’s back to being himself.

Maybe. When he was sure it wouldn’t collapse so easily.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dox awoke to a room full of people, hectically trying to move dream chairs into some sensible shape to fit into the lab, checking resources, hooking up extra equipment and… was Laby throwing paper balls at people?

Fuck, he missed these guys.

He opened his mouth to announce himself, but found his throat dry as a desert. He didn’t want to unhook himself from the ADSSU, no point since they’d be going back in in just a few moments, so he just knocked on the armrest with his free hand.

It grabbed Centurion’s attention, who grinned widely.

“Long time no see, Dox,” he greeted. His smile fell somewhat at Dox’s prolonged silence, but he understood once he nodded his head towards the movable trolley housing plethora of extra needles, IV tubes, painkillers, and, most importantly, bottled water on the bottom.

He handed Dox one of those, and Dox gratefully took it, gulping down no less than half of it in one go. “Fuck,” he croaked, “That’s a little better. Thanks, Centurion.”

“Anytime. Want us to lower your dosage?”

“No, I’ll get booted if my levels drop even a little. We’ll be going in soon anyways, right?”

“Yeah, as soon as everyone’s settled in. Glad I brought the extra chairs, haha. Morphy is already in, building up her dreamscape. You could probably join, since you’re doped up. Which, no judgement, but I have to point out— how the fuck are you still alive?”

Dox laughed, head thrown back. Which he instantly regretted, as it made another headache spike in his head. “I’m one tough motherfucker to kill,” he said, squeezing his eyes closed and feeling like the polar opposite of what he had just said. One of these days, a headache would do him in. His tombstone would read ‘Died due to a head cave-in. RIP’. What a way to go.

Centurion placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed for a second before upping the IV and plugging his cables into the mainframe of the ADSSU. “Keep it that way.”

i have been thinking a lot about how my ex treated me and like some of it was not okay lmao

she frequently called me too skinny which not only made me self conscious (i know, skinny bitch cry more but hey it's how i felt) but also made it feel like she wasn't attracted to me physically which def did not feel good at all. and def wasn't helpful when her family stressed me out so much i couldn't eat and i got even skinnier. i have always had body image issues and being with her didn't help that at all and i feel like in a lot of ways i am still overcoming that.

she also thought she was always right which by default meant i was always wrong and not only that but she called me dumb a lot. when she called me dumb her tone was moreso affectionate as if she didn't mean it but i told her it bugged me and yet she still did it.

she was also incredibly preoccupied with how people perceived her which lead to her coming across so fake a lot of the time and i couldn't stand it. i like to think i am a very genuine person and am open and honest and can act a stupid fool and feel fine about it. she was never open with me or acted foolish just to have fun. she never told me things. being with her sometimes felt so fucking lonely. she never understood we needed to be a team bc she was always only thinking of herself and concerned with looking cool or whatever.

her reactions when i would relapse and cut myself always just made me feel worse. she was the type to tell me she wished i just wouldn't do it and didn't understand. she made me feel guilty about it and while i know as my partner ofc she didn't want me to hurt myself, she didnt approach it well and didn't even try to do any research to see how she could help me. that also extends to bpd and i felt like she never tried to understand how my brain works so she could better help me. i was always making the effort and she would never meet me even halfway. i would literally tell her what i needed in the middle of a break down and still she wouldn't deliver.

and one of the worst things was she made no effort to befriend my best friend @immortalbeloved who not only means the world to me but understands me like no one else and could have been invaluable to her in dealing with my moods and other issues. all she had to do was text her and make an effort and just never did.

i learned a lot about the kind of people i do not want in my life from her at least... happy to say recently i have some dope people in my life who appreciate how i look and aren't afraid to look dumb or admit when i am right and you few people know who you are <3

Runes and all kinds of things

Chapter 1

It's a sound that penetrates the fog first. At first it comes as if from afar, muffled and without a discernible pattern, then the sound gradually develops into a constant beep and it's volume grows until it becomes an annoyance that forces him to make the effort to pry his eyelids open to localize its source.

Waking up to the discovery of an E.T. tube inside his throat is not a situation Stiles is eager to experience ever again. Period. He thinks the only reason he doesn't start gagging and choking on it immediately is that the action requires an energy that he can't spare right now because he needs it to keep himself awake... Or another valid explanation would be that he’s doped to his ears, since his vision is fuzzy around the edges (or everywhere really) and he knows that’s not normal by any means.

He absently identifies the source of the constant beep as an electrocardiograph that he wishes would stop because it feels as if each beep is steadily rising in volume towards perforating his eardrums, but the machine is too far away to reach it and he can't muster the will to raise his arm anyway. Speaking of said arm, there's an I.V. drip tube connected to it if the bags he's spotted are any indication, and he really doesn’t want to look where it's hooked into his arm. He hates needles even more than he hates hospitals and that's saying something, because every time he has to step into one (and especially anywhere near the psychiatric ward), he feels the anxiety building inside him slowly but steadily, until he thinks he won't be able to breathe.

It's really, really, good that he's stoned right now, or an anxiety attack would be rearing its ugly head at the thought of being stuck here with, by the looks of it, no possibility of leaving any time soon.

Something twitches in his hand, averting his line of thought. There’s a hand grasping his loosely and it takes a titanic effort to will his eyes to look in that direction. His heart constricts at the sight of his father’s haggard appearance, all worry lines and sunken eyes with a dark purple under them that speaks of many sleepless nights. His hair looks a little bit matted too and his clothes rumpled even if mostly clean. There's a little coffee stain on his dad's left breast and a plastic cup is halfway squeezed in the hand that isn't grasping Stiles'. How many days have passed?

Try as he might, he can’t even begin to guess... and to be honest, he doesn't give a damn right now. He's alive, his dad's alive, and Gerard is not. That's all he cares about right now.

He's not in denial or in shock. He remembers the second of stupefaction right after being shot, then feeling nothing as he fought for the gun, then the jarring surge of white-hot pain after shooting Gerard and after everything (including, as he guesses now, his adrenaline) came crashing down. He remembers the dark satisfaction of seeing Gerard's wide unseeing eyes and his prone body as a pool of blood formed fascinatingly quick under the old man's head. He remembers that the tiles had felt incredibly cold when he fell after his legs couldn't stand his own weight anymore, but also how they had warmed up barely a moment after. He remembers laying on the Argent's kitchen floor with Allison pressing on his wound with that pale pink rag that was turning red stupidly fast and he couldn't stop looking at it for some reason he can't understand now, his own pool of blood growing significantly slower than Gerard's but steadily so. He remembers so many things of those traumatizing moments, so many crystal clear details, but he just doesn't care about anything of that right now.

And that’s a good thing because if he starts to dwell on the things that have happened on the last few days he may entertain the idea of killing Scott… Well, maybe not that... if only for the sake of old times.

His dad must have felt him stir because he wakes up with a start, almost choking with the sharp intake of air he takes in relief when he sees his son awake and cognizant. Has Stiles woken up before and he doesn't remember it? John squeezes his hand and Stiles tries to squeeze back when he notices the small tremor that makes his dad's free hand shake when he reaches to pull his own fringe back before letting it rest on Stiles' forehead. The sight makes his stomach clench. Nothing can make this moment worse.

“Werewolves, Stiles?”

He starts choking with the E.T. tube almost instantly and the next thing he knows nurses are rushing in to pull it out, though it seems that they debate putting him under again for precious moments in which Stiles just hates everything.

He’s going to kill Scott.

Afterwards, he gives his father the truth he wants. Part of him is relieved at finally being able to do so, to be open about everything and not having to spew more lies and defections than actual words. The other part of him, the one that has endured for the sake of keeping his only remaining family safe, is terrified to the core of the consequences this will bring.

——–

So it seems to more or less have gone like the following, and excuse him if he's not in the mood to feel charitable or understanding about the whole thing at the moment.

Apparently while Stiles had been busy busting his ass with Scott’s control issues, being traumatized by having to watch the kanima kill somebody, saving a very vocally ungrateful Derek from drowning while said kanima tried to kill them, helping keep Scott’s grades at least on a passing level apart from not letting his own drop and dealing with his father’s distrustfulness and disappointment; Scott had gone behind his back to make a deal with the devil himself for whatever reasons he had thought to justify his betrayal (maybe getting back on Allison’s good graces or finding a cure, who knows?) at the moment, if he even thought about the whole situation in those terms, the self-centered oblivious little shit. But, moving on, if he understood Scott's ramblings well (and there's a possibility of him misinterpreting them, he was, after all, losing a lot of blood and going into shock), he had a plan that involved using Derek or something like that? And a failsafe in case everything else failed?

Obviously it hadn't worked, whatever the plan was. Gerard, of course, had decades on Scott (and to be honest Scott isn’t the sharpest tool in the box to begin with, even when the Allison factor isn't fogging his brain up) and when the moment of truth had come and Derek had been a no-show (probably because he had suspected something was fishy), he had turned the tables on him so fast that Scott had to hightail to avoid being cut in two.

Literally.

(Case in point: Laura.)

Afterwards, while Scott was panicking and thinking of a way to salvage the situation, Gerard had crept back to his basement like a bad Disney villain to continue having his fun with Stiles and to try to convince him to lure Derek to him (which still blows his mind, because he has made his dislike of their pack pretty clear even if he's stupid and grudgingly continues to help), only to find out that Stiles had been a busy little bee and had let Erica and Boyd out of their bindings. Both had tried to help but had ended up leaving Stiles to face the music alone (thanks a lot, dynamic duo, may you get fleas and stomach worms for that) and in the middle of the scuffle with grandpa, Allison herself had appeared. Of course, that was after listening in, hidden in some dark cranny, to the mandatory villain speech where the man had quite stupidly revealed all his secrets. She was understandably shocked about what was revealed (especially the part about her mom), but thankfully it changed her mind and she was therefore opposed to the idea of killing slash harming Stiles, which, awesome, less problems for him.

More fighting plus more yelling plus more guns plus china breaking plus a stupid stunt to help Allison equals a nearly dying Stiles and splattered walls that will need to be repainted. He really doesn't envy Mr. Argent the task of cleaning his own father's brains and probably some pieces of the cranium too from the adjacent cupboards. Or all that blood either, because Stiles bets that getting it from in between the tiles is going to be a bitch.

(He might be acting and feeling entirely too flippant about the whole thing, but the alternative leads to a much darker path that he'd prefer to avoid, thank you very much.)

Anyways, the icing on the cake that was already a shitshow was Scott appearing after Stiles had blown Gerard brains out (with his own gun, oh, the irony, so satisfying) with a what are you doing here?! followed by a what have you done?! after seeing Gerard’s body. Never mind that Stiles had a hole of his own in his stomach, apparently that wasn’t noteworthy? Ironies of all ironies, Allison had been the one that had finally shaken herself out of shock and remembered to call for an ambulance while Scott, after finally realizing the state he was in, had a stress induced panic attack.

Seriously, the irony, he can't stress that enough.

Derek was nowhere to be seen, Erica and Boyd were gone, Scott was having technical difficulties and Allison, try as she might (and hell, was she trying, Stiles will give her that), knew nothing of first aid, so Stiles was sure his future, if there was any, was very dark and was trying not to think that things couldn’t be worst than they already were to avoid jinxing it. So who chose to slink from the shadows at that same exact moment?

Peter.

Fuck his life.

Peter had effectively shut off Scott (by rendering him unconscious, which, yeah, he has to admit that seeing him drop like a sack of potatoes was extremely satisfying and a relief to his ears at the moment) plus snarked Allison down into some sort of compromise before Stiles could even blink, and then proceeded to sassily keep him alive long enough for his father and the ambulance to arrive.

Fuck it twice.

And before almost theatrically crawling back to the shadows from whence he came (conveniently before his father’s appearance and Scott’s return to the land of the awakened) he had proceeded to declare Stiles in his debt in the most roundabout way he could possibly find.

Where was a Molotov cocktail when you needed it?

To date, he still doesn’t know what happened with Jackson. So long as he doesn’t give them any more trouble, he doesn’t care.

—–

They get interrupted by the staff's visit, which is almost a relief for Stiles, because his throat is smarting a bit and the ice chips are only helping so much.

Stiles' main doctor is a partially white-haired blond man with a wrinkled face whose warm features and even warmer voice make him instantly comfortable, which is inexplicably surprising for him given his overall stance on hospitals and doctors. It may be helping that the man doesn't treat him like a kid or tries to keep things from him (that Stiles can tell anyway) when he explains what's going to happen in the near future and in the long run regarding his injury.

Apparently he’s been very lucky. When he struggled with Gerard he must have altered the path of the shot the man was trying to make or something because no major organs were punctured. His stomach was dangerously close to being ruptured but thankfully it wasn't, or he would have died before any help could arrive. The bullet tore only fat and muscle but since he had continued struggling for control of the gun afterwards, he had aggravated it significantly. It had been a point-blank shot that had gone through and through (apparently his dad had recovered the bullet on the Argent's stove) and it had left a stippling tattoo apart from burning him. All in all, the highest risk would had been the blood loss and the infection, except he went into shock and wouldn't stop thrashing by the time he had arrived at the hospital. He had to be sedated and then intubated when he stopped breathing. The E.T. tube had been scheduled to be taken out today regardless of whether he woke or not, because he seemed to be breathing well on his own. They'll be monitoring that just in case and Stiles is instructed to call the nurses if he has any trouble breathing again.

When the doctor leaves, they remain silent for a bit, mulling over all the information. Stiles’ father clears his throat a couple of times before telling him in no uncertain terms (hands, no, everything still trembling because the thought of having nearly lost Stiles too makes him feel sick, terrifies him) that the one that has to do the protecting there is him and after giving him a hug that nearly hurts, he also wastes no time in giving him a month’s worth of punishment for the lying and the going behind his back. Stiles doesn’t bother arguing because it will get him nowhere and because he’s too exhausted to make any good points. Never mind that they both know that Stiles wouldn't be able to go out with his injury anyway, so this punishment is as fake as they make it, a token one. His father frowns at that, because normally Stiles would argue against it anyway, just for the sake of it. John sighs and kisses him on the forehead, like he used to do before everything started going to hell, the sickness and his mom’s death and the alcohol and the long working hours and suddenly everything crashes on Stiles and he has to bite his lip to avoid babbling like a baby.

Of course Scott chooses that moment to appear at the door and to announce himself with an uncomfortable clearing of his throat.

Stiles promptly tells him to leave and not come back.

🌚 Previous | Next 🐺

Epilogue: It’s Our Anniversary PII

ANDRE

“Right here?” I asked looking around but before I knew it she pushed me on the couch and pulled my pants down enough to get what she needs. I watched in utter amazement as she licked her lips and put it in her mouth not saying a word or hesitating.

Moaning quietly at how far down her throat I was touching I smirked at the sight of her rings. The dim lighting hit her rings at the perfect time making them look extra flashy. It’s nice a feeling to be married. And not just to anybody but my best friend. Cam didn’t lose a second of concentration while she tied her hair up.

“You been picking up tricks from somebody?” I groaned, relaxing into the seat and palmed the back of her head.

“Never..” She mumbled causing her lips to make the loudest sucking noise as she removed me from her mouth. She spit on the tip and swallowed my dick teasingly slow. I felt a chill run down my spine feeling her tongue wrap itself around one of my balls.

“Oh God, I’ve missed you..” Biting my lip I leaned forward to snatch the bottle up. I opened it and put the bottle to my mouth. Once I felt my throat slightly burn I turned my head down and set the Bacardi on the table. Camila freed her right hands of its rings so she was able to beat my dick while gargling my sack like a pro.

Exhaling sharply I shivered from the sudden draft and sat up a little to grab her ponytail. With the hair in my grip I pushed her face down listening to her gag a little.

“You ok?” I hissed trying to sound genuine with my concern for her comfortability. I know her mouth is full so instead she rubbed my thigh softly. Camila so graciously let me fuck her face for a good six or seven minutes which had me so close to tears. She made me feel so good inside as she let me stroke it anyway I wanted. Of course I was gentle because my intentions when we make love or fool around is never to hurt her. I busted a mean nut in her mouth and even shed that tear I was holding in.

My chest heaved up and down as I breathed for air with my mouth halfway open, with a grin tugging at my lips. “I’m gonna be honest..” Pausing for some of her water and gave it back feeling like I could breathe properly. “If this situation was a bit different then you would be very pregnant right now. No questions asked.” Looking over at her I felt my breathing return to normal. She’s so breathtaking yet she just gave me mine back. Perfection I swear.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and let that little smile grow to a big one. “Oh I don’t doubt you on that one. You didn’t think I would do it did you?” She giggled, sitting back and crossing her legs.

“I was conflicted but you surprised me. You talk to my mama today?” I suddenly asked just thinking of my kids.

“Yeah I did. They miss us so much. Especially Ali. Your mother sent me this video of him watching tv with that elephant that my dad got him for Christmas. And she told me he’s been spending a lot of time with my dad. Apparently our little boy has taken an interest in my side of the family. According to him, Jorden is really getting the hang of his lessons.” She smirked. The look of pride on her face told me everything I needed to know without asking the question.

“Are you serious?” I gasped, sitting up against the back of the seat.

Camila nodded with such a pure smile over news that Jorden is progressing in the biggest ways. A few tears escaped her pretty brown eyes the longing our staring match continued. “I don’t have the words to explain the feeling I have. We’ve been waiting for so long and it’s finally happening.” She cried happily.

Sitting up straight I pulled her into me and instantly kissed her. I felt the wetness on her cheeks rub off on me as she lazily flung her arms around my neck. I don’t have the words either to be truthful. Ever since Jorden could talk we’ve been hoping and praying that one day he would make a breath through. Jo is no doubt a smart ass kid but it takes him a long time to grasp certain concepts in life. Like his language comprehension for both the English and Spanish languages for example. Cam, myself, and all of our family has shown the greatest support to help him get this far. Jo has some dope ass parental figures in his life. And I owe it all his mother. Regardless of how Jorden turns out I’m blessed to be his father and without my wife there is no him.

“I need you..” She mumbled lowly. Her urgency to be overwhelmed from the news subsided and is now replaced with hunger. And that hunger being for me is making me so horny.

Lifting her onto my lap, she knew what time it was. Her legs separated so I could fit between her, I reached up and took the ponytail out of her hair setting it free. Her dark brown hair cascaded down her frame like a curtain to hide us. The softness and smell of it all drove me wild! Letting my hands go to her head I ran my fingers through it all smoothing it out. My hands slid down to her ass which was slowly but surely rising the further she nestled into my groin. Not caring at all about anyone possibly walking in on us I lifted the material up over her ass meeting her baby soft skin.

“Let's go home.” I suggested, allowing our tongues one final dance before she backed away and ran her palms down my chest.

“Yeah.” She agreed, climbing off my lap and pulling her dress down. Grabbing the bottle I took another swig before putting the cap back on and followed Maree out of the lounge.

I followed her out of the club with the bottle tucked in my jacket. I got my car from valet and helped her in. “Aye man..that’s a bad bitch” He piped up giving me head nod.

Respectfully I gave him a nod back. “Appreciate it bruh.” I said back dipping into the driver's seat. Placing the bottle in my lap I made sure Camila was straight before pulling off. Quickly snapping the seatbelt I stepped on the gas feeling this shit boost to sixty. This car is fast as fuck and it’s all mine. We rode in silence but I still felt that tension building us two. Glancing at the clock I read 1:46 hinting that I’ve got hours to make up for.

We reached the house and sat in the car for minutes not speaking. Moving the bottle of liquor to the middle console and set it inside. The minute she looked at me it was on. With her heels off she relaxed into my lap with my face in her hands. My tongue was shoved down her throat as I unzipped her dress and and pulled the material down her frame. While she moved to my jaw and neck I quickly got some background noise set up. I doubt this car can muffle screams and I’d hate for neighbors to think I’m killing my wife. By chance the sound of Keith Sweat blared through the speakers all over the car.

“Dre..” She moaned forcefully grabbing my shoulder and positioning me in front of her.

With my eyebrow raised at how aggressive she came off I freed the top of her body and briefly admired her. I’ve never been this horny before. She’s mine and she’s in my lap yet I’m craving her day in and day out. Gripping my hips I let my hands find themselves in between her legs. With her panties to the side I got my fingers wet making me break out in chills. I felt those chills on my face that was pressed up against her skin, warming her up for what’s about to come. I’m feenin’ for my wife right now and with the liquor in my system, I’m turned all the way up.

“I’ve missed you.” She breathed clutching the back of my neck as I continued to mark my territory.

Caressing her back I felt my dick straining itself against my pants and I can’t wait any longer. We should’ve been going half on a baby by now.

“Lift up baby.” I swallowed hard and hurriedly unbuckled my pants and tugged on my zipper. Once I felt air hitting my dick I pushed her down on me. Both of us let out a string of curse words at the feeling.

“Breaking in the new car huh?” She smirked, easing herself all the way down to the base. Her hair covered almost half of her face as she looked at me with so much lust in her eyes.

“Most definitely..” I nodded. I locked her in place and saw the LED lights quickly illuminate the car. With this car only being but so big it’s hard for me to really give it to her the way I want but I trust she’ll take good care of her man. I’ve improved so much when it comes to getting it in because of how many places we take a chance at. There have been interesting trips to the grocery store, shopping, running errands, taking the kids to school and on the way to work. Cam and I have become quite creative at making time for another.

She’s small so she easily found a way to get a good rhythm going without bumping her head. I felt my legs shake as her hair tickled my skin while she she bounced and up in my lap like we had all the space in the world. I had to catch her before she hit the steering wheel and blew the fucking horn. My hands were pressed to her back as I buried my face in her chest feeling a light sheet of sweat coat her upper half.

I busted a very unexpected nut that had us both looking at each other with wide eyes.

“That’s never happened before..” She pointed out while pushing her hair back and removing a random strand from her lips.

“Yeah I know. Pussy had me feeling like a virgin. Ready to go inside? I got something for you.” Running my hands over my hair I shut everything off and the lights, turning the engine over last. Before we go in we had to put her dress back on and fix my pants so we looked semi decent once that door opens.

“You and these gifts today. Don’t forget about all the stuff you got me earlier.” She said. I pushed the door open and allowed her to climb out first. We got the bags from the trunk and went in the side door. Together we ventured through the house and towards the stairs to go up.

“It hasn’t been this quiet in so long. Brix and Blu are only loud when the kids are around.” Cam chuckled, walking front of me up the steps. Being below her gives me a free pass to watch her ass switch back and forth in this tight ass dress that she has on.

“You ain’t lying. Feels like we’re in a dream.” I stated, just as we reached the top. Following her into our kitchen I whistled loud enough for our system to hear me and the boys. They came down the hall looking like they just woke up. “What’s up..y’all looking like y’all had a hard day at work.” I joked. I love my dogs equally but it’s something about Blu that hits a very soft spot in my heart. I think it’s because he reminds of Kleio when she was just a puppy.

“They do look tired.” Camila agreed. With the room lit up I kicked my shoes off and my jacket. Camila did the same, calling out how good it feels to be barefoot again. Suddenly I remembered that I had one last gift for her.

Mil walked to the fridge and opened it pulling out a Fiji bottle. She unscrewed the top and brought the drink to her lips. She demolished that water in a minute impressing me by how thirsty she must have been.

“You good?” I airily laughed walking over to her. She nodded and set the bottle down to reach out for me.

“I’m fine baby. What is it that you wanted to show me?” She rubbed my abdomen while I turned around to lead her to a room in the house I’ve kept her locked out of.

“So..this is something that I’ve been working on for at least four months. I wanted this to be perfect for you and I kept going at it until I achieved perfection. Now try not cry but be honest about how you feel.”

I pulled the keys from my pocket and unlocked the door that housed the one gift that would blow her away. Pushing the door back I stepped in and hit the lights revealing the surprise. Looking down at her to see her eyes wide and her mouth covered by her left hand I felt stiff. I don’t know how she’ll react. There’s something about myself I’ve been keeping from her because I’m honestly very sensitive about this hidden talent. When I was really young I liked to paint. According to mother I used to paint every chance I could. I grew up with so much love for the craft but as time carried on, I sheltered this hobby from everyone. Painting is the one thing I’ve gotten away from that eased my mind. However I was itching to really surprise Camila with a sentimental gift, so I went and stocked up on the best paint supplies I could get my hands on.

Brix walked in curious as to what we were up to. He looked at the painting with his head tilted to the side. “You good baby? Say something please..” I plead.

“When..how..why? How did you do this?” She gasped looking at me.

“I made this for you baby girl. I’ve never told anyone aside from my brother and mom that I actually enjoy painting. I know you still lock yourself in Jorden’s room when you need to weep over your mother. Everyday I feel horrible that I can’t bring her back for you. It hurts me to know that this is a pain I cannot fix. I can do everything but completely heal you from her loss and I’m sorry that I can’t fix it. I hate seeing you down but I understand all in the same too.” I explained seeing her walk further into the room that had been my late night home since March. “You can tell me if you don’t like baby.” I said sadly hoping that’s not the reaction I get.

She turned around and shook her head. I gave her a moment to study the portrait wanting her to get a good look at it. She must have walked around the easel what five times with Blu following her every move. When she walked back over to me she gave me a hug.

“I absolutely love it . I love it so much and because you painted that it means more than the world to me. I’m so very lucky to have you be mine until I’m not longer breathing. Muchas gracias mi amor..es una pintura tan hermosa.” She beamed pushing her hair back.

“Really? Like you really, really like it? We don’t keep secrets in this house so keep it real if you don’t.” I warned sternly, hitting the lights and going back to the kitchen.

“Yeah I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you especially about something serious like this. But I’m curious to know why you kept this from me. Did you not feel comfortable telling me that you knew how to paint?” She asked. 

“Nah it’s not like that. That’s just the one piece of my life I wanted to selfishly keep to myself. It’s not about keeping it from you specifically.” My sights instantly closed in on the baskets of already clean fruit in the refrigerator. Taking out an apple, a pear, some peaches, and a bowl of cherries.

Setting it all out on the counter I unzipped my shirt, and pulled it off of me. Pairing that with my jacket I went to wash my hands. We didn’t speak as we sat in the kitchen eating what I took out. Camila started to get cold so I threw some more wood in the fireplace and lit a match. Tossing it in I welcomed the blazing fire and the warmth it brought to me.

“Hi my sweet baby. Are you being good for grandma?” Turning around I saw Camila eating the cherries and on the phone. Going over to her I took her phone and smiled at the sight of Jorden.

“Daddy..” He waved to me took a hold of I’m guessing my mother’s phone.

“What’s up mini me, you okay?” I questioned seeing Cam pulled me back where she proceeded to wrap her arms around my neck.

“Yeah. Papa teach me new words today.” He confessed, scratching his little chin.

“I heard. What else did you do today?” I asked again leaning into Camila’s body.

“Went to the park with grandma and my sisters. Then we got ice cream. And then papa come here and we watching movies now.” He said sliding off the couch and running towards somewhere. I accepted a cherry from Maree and ate it whilst watching Jorden run to an unknown destination.  

“Hold this please..” He plead to someone.

“Jo you wanted to call mom and dad but you’re handing me grandma's phone. No entiendo..” Kenja’s sassy voice invaded our ears as she accepted the phone.

“Kenny, por favor! Me tengo que ir ahora!” He recited with perfection. I shook my head in disbelief. Hearing my son finally speak a little clearer and in another language is a major milestone for him. He’s doing so well in school although he hates it. I always get the biggest crack out of hearing Jorden complain about how annoying the other kids in his class are. But nonetheless he’s learning just fine, as I knew in my heart that he would.

I heard Cam sniffling as I knew she was super proud that she finally had the green light to be the person to teach our son another language. Camila has been saying for years how she wants to be the one to teach Jo about the other half of his family and now she can.

“Go ahead, go.” Jorden disappeared and now we saw her face instead. “Hi mom..hi papi.” She smiled.

“Hey baby girl. You okay? Where’s Zo?” I rambled on watching her take a seat by the stairs. She laid down across the chair and put the camera right in front of her face.

“I’m okay and Zoe is with grandma. She let us stay up for movies. How’s your special day?” She asked glancing to her left.

It’s so weird to see my oldest daughter changing and becoming closer to womanhood. It’s insane and very fucking scary. But nonetheless I’m happy to watch her grow into such a caring, smart and very loving girl. She takes after her mom greatly.

“It’s been very long and very exciting. Your dad is super nice after all.” Mil joked around, lightly pushing my head aside.

“Man get out of here. Don’t listen to her Kenny I promise I’m nice to her all the time.” I defended myself with a slight frown.

“I know you are..” She looked away again before handing the phone back to Jorden. She helped him sit on her lap so they could both be in the camera.

“You straight now Jo?” I asked watching him roll his sleeves back down.

Nodding to my words he leaned against Kenja, toying with her bracelet.

“Jorden, your mom and I want you know we are so proud of you son for what you accomplished today. Learning a new language is a big deal and we’re happy you’re getting the hang of it. Just know that okay?” I preached watching him cheese and pull at his hair.

“Thanks daddy. I miss you and mommy. When am I going to see you again?” He groaned making me do the same. Jo loves to be under us. We move and he’s nearby shortly after. He’s our shadow.

“Aw baby you’ll see us soon. Papi and I just need some time for ourselves but we miss you guys so much. Be good for grandma okay baby?” Camila laid her chin on my shoulder with her hair falling over it and flowing down my chest.

Picking up a small section I placed it between my nose and mouth. I love playing with her hair. It brings me comfort.

“Well alright. Te amo mami.” He mumbled, turning to wrap his little body around Kenja’s. She took the phone and shook her head at him. She held the camera back on Jo’s face. He was sad and I couldn’t help but fight the urge to drive over to my moms and see him. I hate being away from my little boy. He’s my pride and joy. It’s like looking back at myself at his age, ready to prevent him from making any of my mistakes.

“Oh, te amo demasiado dulce guisante.” Mil gushed blowing him a kiss.

“What about me?” I spoke up watching him make direct eye contact with me.

“I love you too daddy.” He put up a smile just for me making me feel really good.

“I love you Jo so much and don’t ever forget that. Mommy and I have to go but we’ll call you soon, deal?” I held my pinky out waiting for him to copy me.

“It’s a deal. Goodnight.” He held his little pinky up, waved at us as Kenny stood up and began walking. She put her face in the view as little man wrapped his arms around her neck.

“He’s really sleepy. But he’s been fighting to stay up to see you and talk to you guys. I’m gonna go bathe him and lay down with him to try and get him to bed. Buenas noches mis amores.” We each said a round of ‘I love you’s before we were looking at Camila’s wallpaper of me and Jorden. It was the first time he ever spoke and he said my name. All he knows me by is ‘daddy’ but still it made me feel high as a kite listening to him say his first words.

Camila broke down in tears and I did too. I’m not even gonna flex that shit had me crying tears of joy. Jorden is a safe haven for my dark thoughts when I’m really, really down. Every now and then I’ll have a day where I check out mentally and my youngest child is the only person that keeps from going the fuck off. He’s my world. All of my girls do too but that little boy earned a very deep part of me that no one else touches.

“Oh I miss his bad ass so much right now. I can just see him running from his bathroom to his bed to jump around naked like the proudest male to all. He’s so fucking beautiful, ugh I really miss him.” Camila fanned her face and tilted her head back for a second.

Turning around I set her phone in the nearby basket along with mine. I lifted her off the counter and carried her over to the family room. We have this massive rug that’s super soft and that’s where I want to start. Sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace I hugged her close. Her arms went around my head as she adjusted herself to be comfortable.

“Thank you Camila for giving me that baby. I can’t express how blessed I am to have watched you bear another child just for me. And to think..” Pausing as I didn’t have the words I leaned back from her to watch her gaze at me.

“You’re welcome. It feels good to have a little piece of you and I molded into one human. He’s the most precious thing in the world. I told you no matter what I would’ve been proud to have your babies.” She sighed. Finger combing through her hair where then started to braid it all the way down.

“Once we really got serious I began to hope that I’d live to see the day you carry my child. You’ve had me creating fantasies about what we could be for such a long time. I just never said anything.” I confessed seeing her giggle. Reaching down I unbuttoned my pants and tugged then off along with my boxers.

“I can say the same about you. I knew our situation started off on a semi negative way. But I’m so happy to still have you with me.” She shrugged, blushing just a little.

“You’re so damn sexy like it’s unbelievable that I’m the one fucking the shit outta you at the end of the day.” Reaching for the zipper on her dress I tugged it downward freeing her from the material. She pulled her arms out and let me pull it over her head.

She did not hesitate to rotate her hips to ease her way on down my dick. Biting on my lip as I had to control my urges to just beat it up in less than ten. She swallowed me up and that’s when I forgot about her thong still being on. Ripping that shit off I pushed it away and opened my legs a little and laying back on the rug. I won’t  bust quick. We’re home in private with all the free space in the world to do whatever we please.  

“This is going to be a very long night.” She breathed as some loose strands slipped from her braid.

“Oh baby you have no idea.” And here’s to a real round one.

CAMILA

Andre had my back against the kitchen counter while he ate me with so much hunger. We’re now on round three and it’s three-thirty in the morning. I don’t know what it is about today that has us acting like savages when it comes to sex. I’ve been craving his body and mouth all day yet he’s right here. Feeling my feet go numb at how long they’ve been curled up on his shoulders, I let out a very loud gasp. I’m so drunk off love that I’m excited to go round for round.

“This my pussy right baby?” He asked for the hundredth time. I didn’t care. I felt so prideful in giving the same ‘of course it is’.

Caressing behind his ears with the pads of my thumb I relaxed my feet and legs. “Of course baby,” I whined feeling the urge to cry. “It’s all yours..” Capturing my lip in my teeth I swirled my hips onto his face. He groaned and smacked my thigh roughly.

“Then fucking act like it..” He got a bit loud and just as I thought our boys would come making an entrance they did not. Our dogs are too smart. It’s like they know when to make an entrance and when not to.

“I’m almost there Kayden..so fucking close.” The fireplace set a warm environment for us to go toe to toe trying to please one another. My hair has began to sweat out and turn wavy at the roots and body. My torso is currently the warmest part of my body and my pussy has never been wetter than it is right now.

“Let all that shit go Maree. I need it all..” his thick tongue found its way deeper into my box sending me over the edge.

“Help me, daddy...” I plead completely in a trance. His mouth was doing some very nasty things to my lady parts as I tried so hard not to run due to how overwhelming this pleasure is.

Andre gave me the biggest boost of energy. I leaked all over his lips like a faulty water pipe. He licked up everything not before diving back in for one last taste. Freeing my braid from under the weight of my shoulder I lowered my legs and sat up. Leaning back on my hands I dropped my head and took a deep breath.

“It never fails me to turn me on every time you call me that shit. Thirsty?” He asked sliding me a new bottle of water. We uncapped our drinks at the same time drinking in unison too.

“Very.” I nodded.

“I’ma ask you something that I haven’t in a very long time.” He began, leaning on the corner. “You wanna smoke? I know how you feel about it but today is special. I didn’t have much to drink at the club and I haven’t touched my stash today because I didn’t want you thinking I need drugs to make you feel good.” He explained standing tall and beginning to unpeel a banana and break it in half. He crushed the entire thing in less than a minute.

“Dre don’t feel like you have to hide your new method of self therapy. You don’t have to explain yourself either. When it comes to your health and happiness don’t let me or anyone hinder you to heal yourself. You are a grown man who knows exactly what he’s getting himself into.” Hopping off the counter I followed him down the hall to our room. Walking in the room after him I headed for our bed and dived on it. “Mmm..I’ve missed these sheets.” Inhaling the scent I wrapped myself up watching Dre remove his infamous orange box from the top shelf on the wall. He sat down on the bed and opened it up revealing his secret stash that no one but me knows about. Inside houses his three wooden grinders, an orange blunt cutter, empty and half full blunt spray bottles. There is a ton of empty berry and java fusion cigarillo packs, those are his favorites. The rest of the box is filled with old incense packs. As of eight months ago, Andre has taken on a new and very heavy form of in-home therapy. He’s taught me about the substance because he felt guilty for trying to hide it from me.

While he tended to that I studied him from a weird angle like I always do. I tend to reflect a lot when I’m just watching him get lost in different activities. Our past, my struggles, where we’ll be in the future, the parts of his life that I wasn’t around for, things like that.

“I got something for you to put on. It’s in the bathroom. Go try it on while I finish this.” He said, not breaking his concentration. Getting out of bed I walked to the bathroom and flipped the switch for the lights, seeing a pink bag on the sink.

I shut the door and went to see what was inside. I stuck my hand in, pulling out a powder blue crotchless, lace g-string. The back looks like the shape of the letter T but the bottom line is split open. I’ve collected a large quantity of lingerie over the course of this relationship but I don’t have anything like this. Eager to see how it fits, I hurriedly washed up and put my new panties on.

“Wow..” I gasped. That’s my first thought as I twirled slowly for myself and turned in different directions just to get a good look at myself. A crotchless thong. Not a bad fit for something I had no say so in getting. He gets points for this. Going back inside the bag I lifted out a matching colored bra made of soft, thin lace. The bra has absolutely no lining and that’s what made me excited to try this on.

“Whew, this is gonna be my new favorite bra oh my gosh..” The comforting feel of being supported by a bra that’s meant to enhance sex appeal is amazing. Only at rare times will I find a bra that I really, really love and I’m so happy that I’ve found my dream bra. A lingerie piece that gives me what I need and what I want.

With the items on and adjusted to my desire, I looked at my hair, thinking back to when I died it red. That bold change in color was simply as impulsive move. I’d never colored my hair out of comfort zone but during my pregnancy and after Jorden arrived I was craving a change in look. I let it rock for a long time until I missed my dark hair. I went back dark on St. Patrick’s Day of this year I’m back brown and loving my normal more than ever. My hair is still braided just a lot messier than how I first had it. Changing my lifestyle and breastfeeding really improved the growth of hair. It’s now all the way down my back and thicker than ever before. Smiling at the hickies I had covering different spots on my body I removed the rings I got this morning and left on my usual two.

“You still alive in there?” He asked from the bedroom. I forgot why I came in here to begin with. Pulling the door back I met his stare and gave him a slight nod.

“You are a genius. This?” I pointed to the bra. “Is the most comfortable bra I have ever tried on. I couldn’t find anything like this before I got pregnant with Kenja while I was pregnant with her, and after that. And the same story with Jo. But somehow you managed to find this and I didn’t know anything about it. Where did you get this from?” I quizzed, turning the light off and leaving the bathroom.

Shaking his head Andre lit the blunt he rolled. “Don’t worry about that.” He said, waving me over. We sat in silence passing the blunt back and forth until I could no longer hold it due to its small size. Once he ashed the roach and put his box back on the shelf we were going at it. He had my legs pressed up against his chest while I held onto the sheets trying to control my noise level.

“Oh Maree..don’t be running from this dick.” He grunted, bringing my foot close to his mouth. No thought was put into what he did next. Dre was sucking on my toes like they’re the best thing he’s ever had. “I’m about nut...” He mumbled, kissing the sole of my foot.

I closed my eyes to concentrate on the pleasure, just building myself up every minute. Shortly after some very rough pumps I felt myself releasing the very orgasm I’d been holding in. He followed through shortly after me.

“What’s this?” I heard him question. When I looked at him he nodded downward. My eyes traveled to the little tattoo I forgot about. “How did I not see this earlier?” He asked with big eyes. He pulled out of me and laid down to get a good look at the ink.

I propped myself up on my elbows waiting for a reaction. His fingers grazed over the cursive font ‘A’ I got in honor of him.

“Is this for me?” He spoke up, lifting himself up and pulling the skin in various directions to see if the ink would smudge.

Nodding like an obedient woman I reached down to my opening and glided my fingers through the aftermath of our session. Bringing my hand up to my mouth I sucked my finger clean tasting him and myself in one moment. “Mm..” I hummed, cleaning my fingers thoroughly.

“You got my name tatted on you. That’s serious Camila. You’re not gonna regret it are you?” He lifted my chin so we were looking at one another.

“Sweetie, I’m fine with my decision. Why would I not be? It means a lot to me and I put it in a very intimate spot because you mean a lot to me.” I explained.

ANDRE

Walking down the steps with a blunt in my mouth I shoved one hand in the pocket of my sweats, looking for her. It’s going on five in the morning and we’re still going match for match. Blowing out a little smoke I deeply inhaled the rest feeling my throat warmup and cool back down. Coming up to the front of the house I saw her on seated in the chair. She’s sitting quietly with her hands bound together with one of Kenja’s least favorite ribbons. She had the same blue ribbon wrapped around her eyes so she couldn’t see. Approaching her carefully I freed a hand to glide down her face.

“You okay baby?” I asked, puffing on my blunt before holding it out in mid air just to let it burn.

“Yes.” She answered obediently and nodded with hair swinging a bit.

“You’re going to do what I tell you to right?” Putting the blunt to my lips I inhaled for a good fifteen seconds, dragging it away from me I breathed it all in feeling my knees shake. My boy Tariq gave me the best herb I’ve had in a long time. I’m high as a mother fucker this morning and I can’t help feel more than happy to be alive right now.

Seeing that Camila got the first letter to my name forever marked on her body made me feel so special. We’ve never even touched on the topic of whether or not we would tattoo each other’s names on our bodies. It never even crossed my mind. I recently got Jorden’s portrait tattooed on my back next to Zoe’s and Kenja’s. I’d put Camila’s name on my body in a heartbeat and now that she’s already done that, it’s time for me to do the same.

“Yes.” She answered quickly. Holding the blunt in between my lips I pulled my sweats down and took them off to throw them aside.

Stroking her ponytail in one hand I gripped my dick in my other hand. “You know what to do.” I said puffing on this blunt hanging out of my mouth. Camila put a smile on her face and tilted her head upwards. I looked at her realizing she couldn’t see anything. “What’s wrong?” I asked, poking her lip with the tip.

“Can I have some?” She mumbled, licking her lips and crossing ankles over each other.

Pulling it from my mouth I held it out for her to take as many hits as she wanted to. She’s beyond breastfeeding so neither of us have to worry about traces of weed being in her system. Ever since I tried and failed to hide my stash from her I chose to teach her almost everything I know. There’s some stuff she doesn’t know just because I don’t want to fully rope her into knowing too much about the substance.

Cam took a couple hits and inhaled deeply. Her chest rose and fell while I reverted back to my previous position. She blew out the smoke and I watched as her body shivered the minute her lips touched the tip.

“Hmm..” I groaned staring at the front door. Seeing my wife naked, tied up, and at my complete mercy makes me want to do some crazy shit. My dick was stuffed down her throat for fifteen minutes straight and when is time for me bust, she let me put it on her face. It was an interesting sight to see half of her face covered in cum but it turned me on in different way.

Taking out a bottle of Hennessy I removed the cap. Pouring four shots I set the bottle aside and downed my two, then I went to go find her once again.

“Camila?” I called out walking into our room.

“Venga buscarme..” She moaned loudly.

I heard water running in the bathroom so that’s where I ended up. You wouldn’t believe the sight I had in front of me. Candles lit on the vanity and the lights dimmed just enough to set a nice vibe. And then there’s my wife. She’s in the bathtub with the water running, bubbles practically overflowing, and her legs spread. I couldn’t really see much from this angle so I walked closer to see her eyes closed, arm in the water hidden by bubbles. I knew she was playing with herself because the muscles in her upper arm were slightly flexing.

The sex faces she was making did more than turn me on. If anything they made me wish I could replace my hand with hers. Walking over to the tub I sat on the rim and dragged my hand over her collarbone. I watched the expression she had on her face transform into a smile the longer I kept touching her. Staying mute I traveled on down sinking my hand into the water. Reaching over me I twisted the knob to stop the water from running any further. Standing up I jogged to the kitchen and grabbed the other shots. I brought them back to the bathroom and stood behind her.

“Drink this.” I ordered holding the first shot to her lips. She obeyed and tipped her head back letting me pour the liquor in her mouth. We repeated the steps until both glasses were empty.

“You joining me?” She asked softly, reaching up to touch my chest.

“You want me to?” I rebutted kissing her wet fingers.

Camila stood up and turned around to face me. Soap, bubbles and water ran down her frame as she slicked her hair back. There have been three other times I thought she was the sexiest woman I have ever seen in my entire life. I feel like that on a regular basis but these particular three moments take the cake. One, the first time she shared herself with me at the beach house. The very first time! Two, was our first night together after I was released. That shit was heavenly. Cause at that time we were deep into our relationship and her being pregnant with our son at the time was out of this world. Three, the day I married her. And I say all that because I slept around pretty heavy back in the day meaning I’ve been with every kind of woman there is. Or was. Camila is a special kind of woman that I’m not sure I deserve but somehow she’s everything I need.

“Of course I do. My baths are never complete without you.” She shrugged going to wring her hair out before reaching for her hairbrush. She stood with grace and confidence to complete such a simple task done in an intimate way. She’s the prime example of too beautiful for the world.

“Never? I think I like the sound of that. So that means I’ll never find you stepping out if I never got in with you right?” I argued seeing her move to the rim and proceed to step out once her hand was in mine. She’s so short and she doesn’t want to admit it that she needs a little help getting out of our tub.

“Nunca..” She said closing the distance between the two of us. My hands pulled her to me so I could feel her skin on mine regardless of her being wet.

“I’m so glad it was you when we met that night. So glad. Had she been any other girl I wouldn’t have tried so hard. Like I said earlier, you had me wide the fuck open.” Camila stood up on her toes to kiss me softly. When she was flat on her feet again she laid her head on my chest with me just watching her invade all of my personal space.

“Hazme el amor..” Camila spoke out proudly turning to give me eye contact.

“Meaning?” I mumbled, kissing her forehead.

“I want you to make love to me. I don’t want to walk for a few days. Can you do that for me?” She requested, creating space between us. She grabbed my hands and walked me towards the room not losing my eyes once.

“Your wish is my command.” I said seriously.

CAMILA

Looking back I chuckled repeatedly watching Dre holding the small jar of honey upside down. I tensed up feeling the thick, cold substance drizzling over my ass on down to my legs. When he was done, he set the jar down and supported his body weight with one arm as he cleaned up the mess. He started at my ankles and worked his way up to my behind. I bit my lip at the sight of him marking my body with more hickies along my side and lower back. I felt a little of the honey slide down between my legs.

“Bailey..you missed a spot..” I said, then hissing from half of his face already where it needs to be. Picking my leg up and exposing myself for easier taking I let my head fall onto the pillow when he started doing what I wanted. “Te quiero..” I groaned feeling that lump form in my throat.

“Put that ass up.” He ordered strong and clear. I quickly tucked my hands under my face and pushed the lower half of my body upward. He got back to it and snuck in two fingers, pumping in and out my wetness relentlessly.  

My eyes rolled back to the back of my head as he made me feel so full. I think Dre seeing his initial tattooed on my body gave him some sort of ego boost but man is it working in my favor. Clamping my teeth down on my lip I pushed myself up using my arms and reached behind me to cup the back of his head. That inspired him to bring his hand across my ass from far back. I know so because the sting from his slap was crucial but in a satisfying way.

Dre grabbed my arm and pinned it to my back where he held me down. His mouth was replaced with his dick which was now sliding in and out of me. He got a hold of my other arm that I used to prop myself up and held that one down too. Now I’m forced to stay up.

“Take this dick Maree..take all this shit.” Dre’s grunts and moans were a result of how high he is and the liquor just now settling in his system. The weed makes his voice deeper. He always sounds like he just woke up after he smokes. Liquor tends to give him encouragement to be louder than he normally is. And the two weapons combined are a force like you’ve never seen before.

Turning my head to the side and closing my eyes, I felt my hair get freed from the bun I put it in an hour ago. He switched up on me. His hand wrapped around my hair and gently pulled my head back whilst keeping a tight hold on my wrists. He assisted me into sitting up causing our skin to make contact. The penetration was exactly what I wanted and what I like.

“Oh my god baby..right there!” I screamed feeling my throat tickle.

“That’s what I want to hear. There’s nobody here but us so scream all you want.” He encouraged. He loosened his grip on my hair and pumped into me a little slower, a little bit more concentrated on making me feel oh so good. He always hit the right spots. What he’s declared as my “sweetest spots”.

“Come get this dick Maree..” He mumbled, letting go of my hair altogether. It all fell around my face and down my shoulders. The coldness of my it all gave me chills.

Obeying his command I pulled myself together and gave him what he asked for. My ring was poking my finger telling me it’s twisted. Not caring to fix that right now I laid my head back against his chest feeling my entire body shake from a pleasure overload.

“Ay dios mio, no se detenga.” I plead, leaning over.

“Not now. Not ever. I’ll never stop loving you either.”  He vowed.

ANDRE

Holding arms above her head I stuffed my face in her neck, kissing, licking and sucking up every drop of chocolate on her soft skin. I told her she had no idea what she was in for and I meant that shit. When we got to the house she and I both knew what time it was.

Cam’s nails were sinking into the skin on my back as she squirmed and writhed underneath me. Her hair is all over the place, her skin is sticky and she smells like me. Trailing my lips down to her chest I gave her two more hickies on both breasts.

“Necesito mas, please..” She moaned in my ear.

Getting on my hands and knees I continued on with cleaning the syrup from her body. When I made it down to her waistline and I saw that initial on her body I lost myself. I’m still in shock. The first letter to my name is permanently marked on my wife’s beautiful  body which gave me a huge ego boost by the way. And she knows that.

Deciding to finally grant her this wish I pushed her legs apart and nestled myself in between them. Keeping my focus on her face which was glowing under the light from the fireplace I pushed the tip of my dick in. I don’t want to wait. I need her now.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She mumbled softly, lifting her left hand to smooth out my eyebrows.

“I just can't believe you’re all mine. You’re so beautiful and kind hearted. I wish I could marry you everyday.” I confessed truthfully, picking a slow and steady pump.

Camila’s cheeks turned rosy and her eyes began to water. She pressed her hand to the side of my face and stroked my cheek with her thumb. I enjoy the tickling sensation of her nails against my body. She used to never get her nails done like this. I didn’t think having long fingernails were her style but over the years of being a wife, she’s evolved into a much more feminine woman. Picking up her left hand I studied her nails loving the simplicity of her new color. Nude I think they call it. Her wedding ring sitting pretty on her fingers boosts my confidence as a man, a father and her husband.

“We do. In the simplest ways.” She whispered, with a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. Her pretty, white teeth were up for display as she leaned in to kiss me.

After all these rounds and years and she still gets soaking wet for me. Not to mention she never gets lazy. I get one hundred percent of her effort and loving year round. Picking up one of her legs I held it over my back feeling myself touch all the spots I’ve created. I was digging all up in her shit not feeling an ounce of exhaustion. I could tell the sun was rising from behind the curtains but the room is still very dark due to our curtains being dark grey.

The flames were making their own noise and so were as we rolled around on the floor of our living room. A little while ago I heard Blu make his way downstairs where he likes to sit in front of the door. Brix tends to scale the house, making sure all is good. As weird as it may seem to some I trained my boys not to intervene in Camila’s and mine affairs. They ignore us now and never fail to give us the privacy I instilled in them to give us. I lifted myself up supporting my body with just my hands.

“Ah, damn girl, goddamn..” Groaning and shuddering at how much deeper this position allowed me to go I licked over my bottom lip, watching myself work.

My vision traveled to the tattoo again somehow making me hard as fuck.

“Give me another baby,” I blurted out slowing down completely to really show her that I’m serious about what I just said. I’ve been giving my baby savage dick hoping that one of these nuts will get her pregnant. So far, no luck.

“Wait..what did you say?” She questioned in soft yet raspy voice. She held me still searching my eyes frantically. “What did you just say?” She repeated.

Reluctantly looking her in the eye I just kept it real with her. “I want to get you pregnant one more time. Lately I’ve been go beyond the mile hoping that it might actually work. Camila, I feel deep regret for missing out on the beginning of our daughter’s life and for missing out on your pregnancy. When I found out Zoe was my daughter and you and I were testing the waters of a relationship, I made a promise. I promised myself to never let you go through what she did. Because whether you believe it or not I was really falling for you before I even told you I loved you.” I admitted for the first time out loud.

“Why have you never told me this?” She asks.

“I don’t know. I just knew I wanted to make you mine for weeks before we got into that fight. It was just two weeks after we came back from Corona. And now after all this time, after these years, and hell even last night..I still can’t get enough of you.” I said as her toes poked the back of my knee.

“You better hope you put another little boy in me..” She muttered, catching me way off guard.

“Really?” I gasped, peering into her eyes.

“I’d be honored to have another baby by you. Now get back to knocking me up.” She smirked.

And I think you know how the rest went down right?

Two Days Later......

A ring let off in my ear waking me up out of my sleep. I couldn't tell what the sound was coming from but once I found the noise I silenced it in seconds. Falling face first in my pillow I let out a deep and hoarse groan. Reality smacked the fuck out of me and when I sat myself up against the headboard to look around the room I found my phone smashed on the floor.

“Not again..” Smacking my lips obnoxiously I looked to my right to see Camila’s head peeking out from under the covers.

“Baby girl..” I called out, reaching down to pull the covers back. Her long ass hair was set into its natural pattern which is oddly enough has transformed over time. Before it used to be slightly wavy now it’s wavy and curly all over. Her lips look swollen and super plump since she’s sleeping. She slept with her left arm over her arm, ring facing ward.

“You’ll never understand just how beautiful you are to me.” I mumbled leaning down to kiss her chest in various spots.

“Dejame en paz..” She moaned wiggling around a bit. Her soft hand caressed the back of my neck while I tried to wake her up.

“Check your phone. Someone was calling me but I didn’t find out who. I smashed my phone..” I explained feeling her sit up. Moving with her I sat back on my elbow laying horizontal across the bed.

“Again? You go through phones like Ali goes through sneakers.” She chuckled softly and turned around to grab her phone off the dresser. Sitting back in her previous position with the phone next to her ear, she stay focused as the phone rang out. “Hello?” She muttered, rubbing her head and leaning back on one hand. “I’m sorry we’ve been sleeping for…” Camila pulled the phone away from her ear to look at the screen. Her eyes went wide for a second as she got back on the phone. “Yeah...we’ve been out for a long time. What’s he doing?” She looked down at her topless torso and shook her head at all the hickeys and scratches I gave her.

We locked eyes and all she could do was cover her mouth to prevent herself from laughing too loud. Shrugging carelessly I laid back and thought over the last couple of days. The house is a mess. We’ve touched every corner of this house except the rooms of our kids’ and Brix and Blu’s. You say the place, we fucked there. Oh and I got to to hit it on the hood of my car. How we managed that one is another story in itself. This year definitely takes the cake on every anniversary we’ve ever had together.

“Kenja..reduzca la velocidad y respire hondo. Put him on the phone so he can talk to your dad.” Camila touching my arm brought me back to reality. “It’s Jo.” She slipped out of bed and walked to the bathroom where as I was left to save the day.

Putting the phone to my ear I was greeted with an angry Jorden who was rambling his life away. When he paused to breath I did the same.

“You done?” I groaned.

“Daddy?” He mumbled into the receiver.

“Yes buddy..what’s wrong? What you crying for boy?” I asked, hearing water running in the bathroom.

“I miss you and you left me here! I’m mad at you..” The hurt in his voice is evident that he’s cranky and hasn’t really been getting enough sleep. Now is the moment that is making me feel bad for leaving our kids with my brother for three days straight. Maree and I never planned to trap ourselves in the house for this long. It just sort of happened. At a time such as this, I wish I could explain to my son why he hasn’t seen me.

“Don’t be mad at me Jorden. I took mommy on a vacation but we’re back now. I’ll see you in a little bit.” I lied halfheartedly.

“Well okay..but I’m still mad at you. Come get me now.” His little demand was short lived by my brothers voice coming through. “It’s daddy..”  He said a little happier this time.

“Go let Auntie Jess get you dressed man..” Jorden and my brother talked briefly and soon I was listening to my brother talk his shit. “Really? Three whole days? Where the fuck have you been?” He fired off.

“You want the truth?” I began watching Maree come into view twisting her hair into a bun.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Matt sighed, trying to hide the irritation in his tone.

“I’ve been fucking the shit of your sister in law for the past three days.” I confessed seeing Cam shake her head and open the chest beginning to pick out some clothes.

Matt gagged at my confession and instead laughed. “Well damn alright. I guess I should’ve seen that coming. You enjoy yourself Casanova?” He joked, closing something loudly.

“Man….I don’t even know where to begin. You see the car yet?” I boosted sitting up to go to piss.

“What car? You got a new car?” He questioned plainly.

“My dream car in my favorite colors. You’ll see when we slide through. I’ma get off here and get my shit together bro. I’ll hit you up when we on the way.” I let my brother say his bye and then ended the call to check and see who else called.

I saw my mother’s name, my aunt’s name a couple times, a few from Victor, and a bunch of messages from Jessica. Clearly the kids used Jess as a way to communicate with Camila since we pretty much went MIA on our family. Truth is we just wanted to spend some time alone. No one else around. Just us in our natural element, enjoying one another’s company.

“How mad was he?” Looking over to the door I found Camila walking in to turn the shower on.

“Pretty pissed. We’ll see how he acts once we get there. How you feeling?” I asked, flushing the toilet and stripping out of my shorts.

“My legs hurt so much and I still can feel the honey in spots you missed and there’s chocolate syrup in my belly button. How could you have missed that?” She chuckled, grabbing new towels and laying them across the bench outside the shower door.

Shrugging I jumped in first with her joining me right after. If all goes well then all my scheming to get Camila pregnant one more time, will have paid off. Aside from the time that I nut on her face and her mouth a few times, this girl might get pregnant before the month is up. Who knows. Either way, if we do have one more baby or not, I’m at peace with the way everything turned out for us.

HERE’S A THING: KYLIE HUGHES - SELF TITLED

In which we go track by track of the new album and I tell you some things.

1. "Heat"

I'm so embarrassed to say that I didn't really realize this song wasn't referring to cars / driving literally, but it's SUCH a strong opening song that gives a really good feel for what the album's sound is like. It's easy to see why it was picked as one of the singles -- this song is so catchy and has such a great hook that you really can't help but singalong. It's got a great vibe and interesting lyrics and shows off her vocals well -- this song is the reason why I decided to keep listening to the album.

2. "Gotta Get Out"

I'm sure Kylie's gotten comparisons to Taylor Swift in the past, but dude, this song is SUCH a Taylor Swift song. But like, the era of Taylor Swift that was my absolute favorite. This is easily one of my favorites on the album, and it almost completely has to do with the details: the stomp claps in the background are a great touch to a song that's meant to be sung with your girlfriends in a car with the top down. The background harmonies are gorgeous, but (and this is going to be the Vocal Major in me) her diction in the song's verses is so strong and straight *clap* to *clap* the *clap* point that it makes me want to sing this in a sassy voice that I don't even really have. Don't even get me started on that sick sick build of 'shit that you don't need' that builds to the chorus. GENIUS.

3. "Leave It Alone"

Alright... I have to admit, this song I had to give a few listens to before I dug it. It's not that it's a bad song -- it's actually catchy as hell once I got into it -- but it does feel a little out of place in the album as a whole. Whereas every song I can hear the Shania Twain and Taylor Swift influences, this one is 100% an Elle King "Ex's and Oh's" comparison for me. Again, not a bad thing, but I only just started liking that song. So.

4. "Love Somebody Else"

HEEEEELP. I love sad songs. It's the 2000s emo kid in me. This song kills me but like, in the best possible way. "I'm as good as it gets / but if you want second best, be my guest and go on and love somebody else" -- OUCH. Right in my heart. Listen, I'm a heartless bitch and haven't been in love with somebody in a very very long time but this song makes me want to gaze soulfully out the window as the rain pours outside. "Love Somebody Else" is a movie moment.

5. "Always On Your Side"

The 46 second long intro in this song is everything. Everything. It really brings you on the journey of the song itself: "you won't ever leave this town, but if you wanna burn it down, I'll help you light it" is such beautiful imagery and wordplay and it's complemented perfectly by the music, with the haunting piano combining with the crashing drums. This is another one of my favorites on the album.

6. "Little Did You Know"

I consider this and the past two songs the Emo Era of this album. Look, it's not a bad thing. I told you, I love sad songs. And this is the perfect trifecta to the Emo Era: "Little Did You Know" is such an angry, sad, frustrated, above it all song and the build to the key change in the end is perfectly executed. Yet another one of my favorites on the album, with lyrics like "little did you know, you had me / and I don't miss you at all" speaking volumes. And the outro is a perfect contemplative way to bring an end to the song, with it just softly fading away. A++++

7. "Hungover"

This has a bit of an indie feel to it that I'm pretty into. Still the country / pop you're used to at this point on the album, but just a bit of an edge to it that if you find your interest waning halfway through, this definitely will pick it back up. One of my favorite parts about the way Kylie does music is that she can take lyrics that sound dumb, like "passed out on the couch / with pizza in my mouth / don't know how I got home / but thank god I'm here alone," and breathe life and a new angle to them with her vocals and music. "Hungover" on first listen sounds dumb... but is easily one of my favorite songs lyrics-wise on the album.

8. "Dead or Alive​"

"You force my hand, you won't win this fight / gonna take you dead or alive"

This song -- its lyrics and instrumentals -- could have easily come across as cheesy. You can't deny that. It's a fine line. But "Dead Or Alive" walks it perfectly, sounding like a song I could easily see performed live by an opening act for John Mayer (which, guess what, Kylie once did). The guitar solo is killer and her yell of 'save your soul tonight!' near the end honestly had me whispering out loud in the middle of Starbucks, "well damn."

9. "Uh Huh"

Gonna be honest, this is probably one of my favorite produced songs on the album. Kylie's voice just sits so perfectly in the track. ANYWAY, music major nerdiness aside, this song is probably one of the easier listens on the album and one of the most pop. It's one of those songs I can imagine sitting poolside to, just soaking in the sun, for like, a moody Lana Del Rey summer. It's understated -- maybe in a way that it shouldn't be for a song that's 9th on the album, but I digress -- but it holds its own against the rest of the album.

10. "Free Fallin"

I WAS HOPING THIS WAS A TOM PETTY COVER AND IT'S NOT BUT IT'S OKAY. But Kylie, do one please. It would be dope.

Anyway. Whereas the last song was a "Summertime Sadness" song, this one is 100% an Ingrid Michaelson "Girls Chase Boys" track. It's just so feel-good: it makes me think about my college days when nothing really mattered because I was ~not a girl, not yet a woman~. It's running through the streets in the middle of the night, bonfires on the beach, skating down the boardwalk... it's probably the best way to spend your summer.

11. "I Can't Believe We're In Love"

I'm sorry, but this is another song that I'm still struggling to like in the context of the album. I like it -- I think it's a very sweet track -- but so close to the end, it's easily forgettable.

12. "Forever Is A Long Way"

Kylie's vocals are beautiful in this track, but again, a bit unmemorable. I have this theory that -- like playing live -- the last song on an album should be the epic showstopper, the one that sticks with you. Because it's the last song you hear and the last impression you get of an album. And this is a good song, but it's just like... that's it?

CLICK HERE to buy the new album, and be sure to keep up with Kylie (not to be confused with Keeping Up With the Kardashians):

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[MF] Smoking Crack and Shooting Dope

Original article here: https://ad-venturing.com/2019/03/25/smoking-crack-and-shooting-dope/ ​ After graduating high school, I didn’t know what to do with my life. I didn’t get good enough grades to go to a four-year college, I didn’t want to join the armed forces and the job market was shot. I worked part-time as a lifeguard at a local pool but ten hours a week wasn’t’ enough to cut it. I graduated high school in the spring of 2009, in the middle of one of the worse economic downturns the United States has ever seen. I decided community college was the path I would take. Get the gen-eds’ out of the way then two or three years down the road figure out what the hell I would do with my life. And to be honest, I had no fucking clue what I wanted to do. I was still immature at that age. Spent most of my free time at drinking with my best friend Worm at this dad’s house. Worm’s dad was a bad alcoholic and would let us drink and party with him. It was a fun time. Never a dull moment. Never a sober one either. When I wasn’t hanging out with Worm I was either partying with other people or pissing my parents off. I had a rebellious spirit at that age and my parents didn’t take kindly to that. In general, three thirds of my free time were spent in Worm’s room drinking. Worm’s room was dingy. It was a small room with a bed, a computer and a couple of chairs. There was a bookshelf on the wall filled with Stephen King books and a few movies. Filled ash trays lined the computer desk along with empty bottles of malt liquor and the occasional Busch Light his dad left. Bottles of piss were shoved under the bed and a pile of dirty clothes were stacked at the end of the bed. Empty packs of cigarettes were thrown on the floor. Worm and I would spend our free time drinking malt liquor, smoking weed and fucking around on the internet. When the weather was nice we would have a fire and party outside. There was always music playing in the background. When I decided it was time to pass out I would sleep in Worm’s bed. Worm would stay up due to his insomnia and sleep when I was at community college. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be so far gone listening to music or watching a movie. It was crazy to me how little he slept. We were both single at the time and spent a lot of time messaging random chicks on the internet. Most of the time I think they thought we were weird but occasionally some would want to meet up with us. Both Worm and I were broke at the time so we couldn’t take girls on nice dates or anything like that. Instead we just took them back to Worm’s room to hang out. Thinking about that in hindsight, taking nice girls back to Worm’s room was probably the wrong move. If I was in their place I don’t think I would have been too impressed given the empty beer cans, 666 marks etched everywhere, and ash trays stuffed with cheap cigarettes. Though, we did hide the piss bottles. Most of the time when we brought chicks back to Worm’s room, we would smoke weed then awkwardly try to make conversations. Ninety percent of the time we wouldn’t hear from them again. One night we were scrolling through Myspace and found a chick named Nancy. Nancy was a punk rock chick and listened to the same music we did. I decided to reach out the her and see if she wanted to chill. She responded back quickly telling me she was at a music club in a town 45 minutes away. She told us she was bored and if we came to pick her up she would chill with us. We decided to make the drive to pick Nancy up. Back then gas prices were around $4.20/gallon and working ten hours a week barley paid for my gas, let alone anything else I wanted to do. Worm didn’t have a job and resorted to pawning random stuff in his room to buy weed. This was an expensive trip for two broke kids. After hitting a bong, we took a drive out of nowhere town to another nowhere town to meet up with a pretty girl. We blasted Rancid and sung along to “California Sun”. Eventually we made it to the music club. I texted Nancy and she told me she will be out in ten minutes. Worm and I decided to smoke a cigarette and wait outside of the car. When the cigarette was halfway done Nancy came out of the club. Nancy was short with jet black hair. She was wearing black tights, a black Leftover Crack hoodie and had tattoos all over her body. Her eyes stood out to me as unusually big and blue. She probably weighted around 100 pounds and was half my height. Nancy isn’t the kind of girl you bring home to your parents for dinner. I could tell that about her the first time I met her. She seemed sketchy. I guess anyone who listened to Leftover Crack and had tattoos on their neck were sketchy, including myself and Worm. When she talked to us the first time she sounded high. Had a slow way of talking where words were slurred. When you looked into her eyes a blank cold soul looked back at you. Later I found out she was loaded on Xanax and a handful of other pills. Nancy asked us if her 14-year-old cousin could hitch a ride back with her and chill with us for a while. I told her that is fine, and she went back into the club to grab her. We then headed back to Worm’s place to chill. On the ride home Nancy told us that Rancid was her favorite band and she was glad we were listening to them. Worm lit up a joint and we smoked it. Nancy and her cousin didn’t smoke with us. Ten miles from Worm’s house we got pulled over for running a red light. “Shit”, I thought. I was certain we were fucked. We had just smoked a joint 30 minutes ago, and I was freaking out. Nancy was also loaded given the way she talked. She told us she was high on Xanax and some other pills when the cop was checking out my license plate. Luckily the lady cop told us to be more careful with our driving and let us go. I thought Nancy could have been a decent chick to go on a date or two with, but I found out quickly that I didn’t want to mess around with her. After we got back to Worm’s room she started talking about all these dudes she was fucking at the same time and the drugs her brother was doing. We asked her if we could film her brother shooting heroin and she laughed saying she would have to ask him. After that night Worm told me we had to be careful around this chick. I agreed with him. She is the type of girl the law follows, and you would catch something from. We hung out with her a couple more times then stopped talking to her after her boyfriend got pissed she was hanging out with us. ******* It had been around 6-7 months since the last time I talked to Nancy. It was the summer of 2010. Haiti was just devasted with a massive earthquake the previous winter and in 11 days President Obama would declare an end to combat operations in Iraq. I still spent the majority of my free-time with Worm. In the fall I would meet my future wife at community college. My life would be forever changed. I was sitting in my room and got a ping on my Facebook from Nancy. Myspace was officially dead, and society transformed into the new social media dimension. She posted on my wall asking how I was doing. I told her I was good and asked her how she was. She told me that she started to do heroin but was clean for now. I knew her older brother was a junkie and wasn’t too surprised that she followed his path. She then told me she broke up with her boyfriend and that I should come hang out with her and her brother at a summer festival the city puts on every year. It was my birthday and I wanted to get drunk, so I decided to go. I told my parents I was going to stay at Worm’s house that night. For some reason they never cared that I stayed there even though they knew his dad was a bad drunk and it was a poor environment for a kid with angst. But I’m not complaining, it gave me more of an opportunity to get fucked up. At the summer festival I wore plaid yellow and red pants a punk kid who listened to “The Causalities” would wear. One leg of the pants was yellow and the other was red. I donned a “Leftover Crack” shirt that said, “Kill Cops”. I just caught a misdemeanor in the spring and had to serve a day in jail in a few days. I looked and acted like I was a pre-convict with no future. I was ready to get fucked up and forget about my troubles with other punk rock kids. I met Nancy and her brother on a bridge over the river. The bridge was cloaked in trees that made it look like a tunnel into a different world. The river was flowing from rains that summer and it was around 90 degrees out. Nancy was holding hands with a punk rock dude I skated with a couple of times. I knew he did hard drugs and was certain Nancy was either back on them or will be back on them soon. Nancy’s brother, Sid, was as short and skinny as Nancy. He had a cut-off t-shirt showing off his full sleeves, tattoos on his neck and a buzz-cut hair cut with an 8-10-inch rat tail. Sid and I instantly hit it off and became friends. We walked to the nearest liquor store and Sid bought some 40s for us. I wasn’t 21 at the time and still needed someone to buy me booze. We spent the rest of the night drinking beers on the bridge and talking about music we liked. After the festival was over we walked back to Sid and Nancy’s parents house to crash. I was drunk off my ass walking back, and cops were all over the place. We took a back way to their home, so we didn’t get stopped by the cops. If they stopped us, I would have gone to jail given my age and due to the fact, I was on probation. When we got back to Sid and Nancy’s place we went to their basement where Sid sleeps. Nancy and her boyfriend followed us but left after her boyfriend started to get dope sick. I passed out a few hours later. A few days later Worm and I were hanging out looking for someone to buy us beer. Worm’s dad was out of town and the fridge was empty. I told Worm we could see if Nancy’s brother would buy us some beer. Worm hadn’t met Sid yet and I only hung out with him on the bridge during the summer festival. I texted Sid and he told us he would buy us beer only if I would drive him to the city to pick up drugs. Worm and I didn’t think twice. We thought driving to the city to pick up hard drugs would be an adventure and something new to experience. We were adrenaline junkies looking for the next journey and decided to get some hard drugs. We picked up Sid and Nancy at their parents’ house. Sid and Nancy were ecstatic and ready to get loaded. They planned to pick up some heroin and crack with the forty bucks they had. We blasted punk rock on my shitty stereo on the way to the city. Our first stop was to pick up heroin. We picked it up in one of the worst areas in the city. This was my first time driving through the hood. The house we stopped at was run down. Siding was falling off the house. Rusted out cars lined the driveway. Beer cans covered the stone porch. A guy was sitting on the lawn in a long-chair smoking a cigarette. He looked like he was about to pass out, holding the cigarette to his lips for dear life. You could tell he was a seasoned junkie. Sid began telling Nancy he didn’t want to go grab the heroin. He said the black guys in there made fun of him for his hair and tight pants and made him feel uncomfortable. Nancy said she would grab the heroin. It seemed like Nancy took forever. I was paranoid and kept checking the rearview mirrors to look for cops. I started to feel like this was a bad idea but kept my cool in front of everyone. Eventually Nancy walked out the door. After she got in the car she told us the guy selling her the heroin told her to come into the bathroom to get it. She followed him, and he pulled out his dick telling her to suck it. She said she grabbed the heroin and walked out. Sid got upset and told her he didn’t like her going in there. I thought Sid was a coward for putting his little sister in that situation. Before grabbing the crack, we headed to a McDonalds, so they could shoot it up. I asked them if they could wait to get home to do it, but they refused. When we got to the McDonalds Worm and I kept lookout while they prepared to shoot up. To prepare the heroin Sid pulled out a spoon and put the heroin on it with some water and a piece of a cotton ball. Nancy pulled the needles out of her bra where she kept them for safekeeping. After sucking the heroin up in the needles, they tied their arms off with the safety belts in my car. Worm and I both watched with fascination. I think they both thought it was weird how interested we were in watching them shoot up. To Worm and I, it was a new experience, a different type of adventure. It was exciting. Immediately after they shot up they changed. Became a type of zombie with slurred speech and eyes that looked like they were falling asleep. Nancy got way higher than Sid. I could barely understand what she was talking about. She wined and bitched about life. Sid was still coherent and was ready to buy crack. Buying crack was a better setup than the heroin. To get crack you drove your car into a car wash the dealers owned. You would then give the dealers your money and they would give you the address of where to meet them in ten minutes. We met the dealers guy in a sketchy van down an alley. Sid went out and grabbed the crack. Before we knew it, we were back on the highway. After getting off the highway Sid and Nancy lit up a crack rock at a red light. Crack smoked filled the car. I think Worm and I got a contact high, but it could have been all psychological. After they were done smoking crack a cop pulled up next to us at the red light. My knuckles turned white gripping the steering wheel. When the red light turned green the cop went one way and I went the other way. A breeze of relief ran through me. Eventually we made it back to the nowhere town in nowhere land. Sid bought Worm and I some beer and we dropped Sid and Nancy back off at their home. It was quite the adventure to get the few beers we could afford. Adrenaline ran through our blood the rest of the night. I haven’t talked to Sid or Nancy in years. The last time I checked Sid was clean and has a kid. Nancy is in and out of jail and hops from shitty boyfriend to shitty boyfriend. Nancy is still a junkie and will likely die one. A very short time in my life was spent with Sid and Nancy. I created some interesting stories with them that I will likely write about in the future. Feel free to follow “Ad-Venturing” to keep up with my writing. Until next time,

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Copy of Why Do Women Hate Women...SO MUCH?

So I did a little research before writing this Blog. I watched a little Oprah, a little Iyala fix my life, little Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, ya know, the essentials 🤷🏽‍♀️ I can think of a million examples to start with from my personal experiences, friend's experiences, reality TV etc etc, but I'm going to use Cardi B as an example (just bare with me)

I am a super Cardi B fan! Boom, there, I said it. Not because of Bodak yellow, but because she has worked hard to get where she is right now, she just wants to help her family, she is honest about her life and who she is, and she is SO HUMBLE. This woman is still a super fan of every artist she was a fan of before she got her big break, and she is so appreciative of the people who support her music. She is just such a sweet girl, and it makes me proud to see her doing well! SO,  Nicki Minaj had kind of thrown some shade at her by liking a negative comment a "Fan" wrote on a Cardi's IG, and then posting a negative tweet clearly aimed at the new rapper mentioning her boyfriend. Cardi was CRUSHED because she said she couldn't understand why someone she admires so much would go out of the way to tear her down.

Why do we do that to each other? After my very intense research, I think I've got a few ideas:

Social conditioning: we are conditioned as young girls that we have to be better than the person sitting in front of us and behind us. From sports, to clothes, grades, how many friends you have, who you sit with at a lunch table, how to impress a guy more than the girl next to you. It's all been programmed in our minds. The competition (and no I'm not talking about friendly competition, because that is always healthy) is engrained so deeply in us, that we often feel the need to compete in areas where a competition should not even exist.  STORY TIME 🤗🤗 When I was in 7th grade I chopped my hair off because every girl in the 7th grade except maybe two at my new school HATED me because I "thought my hair was cute" (said the ring leader of the group) and because some guy had a crush on me that apparently was the hot guy of middle school. (Fun fact, I didn't start liking boys until summer of my 8th grade year, so their hate was ill directed.)  I'm sure you all are wondering why I remember that alllll these years later. Well I remember it because there was an entire grade of girls who hated me lol I was new and out of the ordinary, those girls were conditioned to hate me and to try to annihilate me, you never forget an annihilation attempt! There was a girl who actually came to me at lunch one day and said "I like you, you seem really nice! but everybody else hates you soooooo yep." She apologized to me as stuck a huge piece of gum in my hair as all the kids at the other tables laughed. I was so confused and I cried lol  I went home and cut my hair, told my mom I accidentally cut it.  After a while of course, the girls realized I did not wish to threaten the social balance and they backed off...for the most part. I later ended up dating the guy most of high school and became amazing friends/frienemies with those girls. I now understand that they had no choice but to hate me. Though I understand it, I don't want to raise my future daughter to treat people that way. I want to condition her mind in a way that she knows, there is room for all of us here to be great.   NOW THAT IM DONE CRYING ABOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL.... a more up to date scenario                                                                                                                                                                                             When I say unnecessary competition, this is what I'm talking about. Say we are in the gym, I don't know you, you don't know me right? I put my treadmill speed at 6.0 you bump yours up to 6.1, midway through I bump mine to 6.8 (because the app that I'm using tells me to,) you bump your up to 6.9 just to stay ahead of me, but now your halfway dead because you're trying to compete with me on something I've BEEN training at. I stop my treadmill to move on to something else and you're thinking "YES! I knew I could beat her 💁🏽" just before you fall off and pass out and get rushed to the hospital. Where as while you're dying, I'm not even aware of the fact that you exist, I'm just happy I was able to finish my run today for once, AND if you had asked me how did I train to to comfortable run for a certain distance, I would have been more than happy to tell you everything I know to help you out!! We are conditioned to feel as if we are in constant competition with each other.  This usually happens in cases of an oppressed people. You get that mentality where "I've gotta look better and have a better body or I won't find a husband.""I've gotta be better,  I've gotta get their first, or there won't be anymore left for me." "If someone Is better than you in anyway, you'll never make it out." That my loves, is the mindset of an oppressed people, and yes, women are an oppressed people. It's not your fault, we are literally trained to be better than each other by any means necessary. It's like Lord of the Flies up in girl world! (If you've never read Lord of the Flies, you HAVE to! That's a good book! It's about these boys who get stranded on an island and...well thats not important here I guess, but still go read it)

External Validation-  Validation (n)- recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. We have a constant need to be validated by the outside world, some women more than others, but we all need to be validated in some way.  In the movie mean girls Cady (Lindsay Lohan) started off pretending to be a mean girl, but as time went on, she actually became a really mean person because her thirst for validation continued to grow. Her need to be known as the prettiest girl in school, her need to be popular, her need to have the best clothes, her need to have the best hair; all of this because she wanted to feel validated by the outside world. She did't care about who she hurt or made fun or walked over, because her need for validation caused her to not care about being mean to anyone. She was perfectly fine and interesting on her own, but because she developed that need to be accepted and validated, it changed her. We need to hear "omg you're so much prettier than her" "omg your hair is way cuter than hers". MY (insert whatever) has to be BETTER than YOUR (insert whatever) or my dopeness is not VALID. NO SIS you're dope, I'm dope, we are all dope. Thats all the validation you need.

Success- I'm going to break success down in a few different areas

You know the saying "misery loves company"? You know how you will be having a great, lively conversation with one of your friends, and then you spring some good news on her and it gets reaaaallll quiet and dry on the other end of the phone? Women do not like when other women are happy. Whether its a happy relationships, happy at work, or just happy to be alive. Your friend tells you OMG I'm so excited, I just bought these new shoes and they were on sale. She is clearly excited, but secretly you're angry because you wanted those shoes and couldn't afford them that day, so you tell her the shoe s are ugly and make her feet look big, out of "love" of course. Or you have a friend that gets into a new relationship and is very happy, you blow up on her for talking about her new boyfriend, telling her that you're sick of hearing about him (after she has only mentioned him once), all because you're upset that you aren't getting a "text back".  You should want to see your friends happy. Whatever another woman is happy about, just let her be happy, and try to indulge a little bit in her happiness. Sometimes you just honestly, do not want to hear it, girl, I get it; that's not what I'm talking about. I am talking about if the only time you are enjoying a conversation, is if your friend is on the phone crying her eyes out about how her guy mistreated her or dishing about her awful day at work...that is what I'm talking about. I know people like that who are just eager to hear bad news about my life, soooo I don't tell them lol but if it excites you to learn about the low points in people's lives or to see another woman not doing so well, you really should take a look at yourself love. You need to ask yourself why the idea of another woman being happy makes you feel like the wicked witch being melted by rain on the inside.

Women hate to see another woman having a more successful career/business than her. You want to see your friends do well, but not better than you. In the field that I work in, there aren't always a lot of women around! So when I see another woman I'm happy like hey girl hey, lets be better than all these guys together lol It's not always like that, it's every woman for herself 🤷🏽‍♀️ Oh well.  Ya know, I recently met a young woman who is pretty awesome! We clicked immediately, like we both just KNEW ok, this is my soul sister. We chatted as she was doing my hair and the conversation flowed onto the topic of our dreams and we both had a similar idea! In most situations thats a no go, that conversation would have stopped right there because I don't want you to take my ideas and run off and be better than me. We should have been looking at each other side eyed lolGuys, we both got so excited when we realized we had the same idea and ended it with "SIS we need to get on this together, lets set up a meeting and lets collab" !!  You should WANT to see another woman doing well in a career, and if I can help you, or we can work together yesss lets do it. Women should Support women!

Women don't like women who they think are prettier or have a better body than them🤦🏽‍♀️🤔 I'm not even going to get into this one  because it's self explanatory. This is a terrible reason to hate someone... you hate me because you think I'm pretty or my butt is small and round, and I hate you because you're pretty and your'e butt is big and round. Soooo we are all out here admiring each other and instead of complementing...ugh I digress. ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

A QUICK RUNDOWN OF other miscellaneous reasons women hate other women

Women don't like women because of hair,

their shoes 

dressing too "slutty"

dressing too conservative

smiling too much,

having resting b*tch face

having a nice car

perfect makeup

waving

not waving

laughing too loud

she must have gotten a nose job

you stole my boyfriend in 3rd grade

I mean.....you guys get the point by now

I think that It all boils down to INSECURITY. We alllll have little insecurities, but just because I am unsure of myself in an area does not mean that I need to make myself feel better by tearing another woman down. Just because I feel there is an opportunity for another woman to be "better" than me in an area does not mean I should tear her down, talk about her, or discourage her, it just means that I need to make sure I continue to be MY BEST SELF. 

Guys, we desperately need to stop comparing ourselves to each other, that alone eliminates a majority of the issue. There is no comparison to YOU. Stop comparing your love life and your body and your hair. There will always be a woman who has a flatter stomach than you or a better butt or longer hair or a taller boyfriend. We have to be able to recognize the beauty in other women while still appreciating and admiring our own undeniable beauty. I guarantee you while you are looking at her wishing you had something she has, she is looking at you wishing she could have something you have. know why?? Because Every woman is a piece of art work carefully crafted by God. There is so much power and beauty in being a woman, and the world already tries to ta take that power from us, we definitely should not do it to each other.  Empowered women, empower women!! So, take your power back, by loving yourself. There is sooooooo much more that can go into this post, because there is some serious healing that has to go on in the girl's club ya'll, but I'm going to run out of characters lol. For now we have to stop being so nasty to each other! When you run into a woman wearing acute dress or a nice pair of earrings, just compliment her. Just walk up to her like "hey girl! your dress is the cutest thing I've ever seen." If you're going to compliment, might as well SUPER compliment.I do it all the time, like omg girl the way you slayed that ponytail is AMAZINNGGGG haha. Spread some love!Let me know how it goes! I hope you all enjoyed this one! Feel free to leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

PS: Don't forget to give yourself a compliment too 🌻

Fader: Remy Ma Never Rests

Everyone around Remy Ma says she’s never been better, but she isn’t convinced. “I have people like my husband and Joe and the Cool & Dres and the DJ Khaleds being like, ‘Omg you’re phenomenal. You were good before but now...’ and I’m just like, whatever,” she says over the phone from New York, feigning annoyance but unable to stifle a laugh. “I feel like I was as good then as I am now; y'all buggin’.” One of the most formidable rappers in the tri-state area and beyond, Remy is indeed as sharp today as she was when she guested on Big Pun’s posthumous 2000 album Yeeeah Baby or when she stole the show on the 2004 chart-topping Terror Squad cut “Lean Back.”

In the 18 months since serving an eight-year sentence at New York’s Bedford Hills Correctional Facility for Women, she’s ripped through remixes of Dej Loaf’s “Try Me” and Phresher’s “Wait a Minute” with punch-heavy bars, and earned two Grammy nominations for the breakout hit “All the Way Up.” Her dedication is clear: in summer 2014 she was back in the studio just hours after being released from prison; she skipped her honeymoon to record a banger; and now just months later is gearing up to release Plato O Plomo, her collaborative album with Fat Joe. Mostly celebratory, the record mixes raucous turn-up anthems with more R&B- and island-tinged escapist jams. In a way, it is both the epilogue to her prison term and a prelude to a more personal, forthcoming solo record that recounts the story of those days on the inside, removed from her family and surrounded by women “abandoned” by the outside. In the interview below, Remy opens up about reconnecting with her Terror Squad roots, fighting for prison reform and awareness, and prepping a sophomore album about the seasons she lost.

What prompted you and Joe to come together and do this album now? It feels like a full circle moment?

I think it was just time. I was doing my own thing. I've been gone for a while. He's kind of been on hiatus for a little while. But one day we had done a performance together in the Bronx. That was probably the first performance we did in I don't know how many years. And the response from the crowd was just so crazy. I was just like, "You know what, maybe we should give this a try. Let's just see what happens." It was like a shot in the dark type of thing: We'll go in the studio, we'll record some songs, and if it comes out dope then we'll go from there. It can't go halfway, it can't be alright, it can't be okay. It has to be crazy because the last thing that people heard us on together was "Lean Back," which was Grammy nominated. So we have to be at least up to that par. We went in the studio and we started recording and it was just coming out amazing. Actually, the first song that we recorded together was "All the Way Up."

Some people might expect the album to be 12 versions of "All the Way Up," but there are a lot of different sounds and ideas on it. Did you guys have an agenda when you made it?

It wasn't even like we were trying to do a lot of different things. It was just that was the way it came out, and we took the best of the best. It was executive produced by Cool & Dre, who are like geniuses as far as I'm concerned. I've been working with them since I was young. As they cranked them out on the production side, we just went in and did what we did.

Fat Joe, what I can say about him — what people in the industry but not too many fans know, his ear for good music is like none other. He can smell a hit a mile away. Me, I don't have the patience. I cannot sit there and listen to a hundred million beats. He will sit there and listen to beat after beat after beat until he sniffs it out like a bloodhound. So that process took a little long. I give him all the credit. He sat in the studio and listened to beats for months. The whole summer and maybe even some of the fall. He was going to clubs seeing what songs was popping, trying to see what people was really feeling, what the vibe was and once he picked all the production and things like that we went in there and we probably spent like two weeks, three weeks tops, and laid vocals down. And that's how we've always worked, even when we did the Terror Squad album. The one that I was on — True Story that had "Lean Back" and "Take Me Home" — we did that the same way. We picked the production, then flew down to Miami for like two weeks. And it's crazy because it seems like a fast process, but when we're in there we're just locked in the whole time.

You've been in the game a while now. How would you say your music is different now than it was when you started, or even than it was even a decade ago?

You know what, it's weird because due to the timing of when I first did my verse on Pun's album to now, yes, that's a long time. But there was an eight year period in the middle of all of that where I couldn't put out no music at all, period. So, to me, everything is still fresh and new. I only have one solo album under my belt. This is just the third album that I've even worked on. I feel like I missed so much. As far as how much I've changed, I think everything is just growth. I feel like I'm as good as I was then, but then I have people like my husband and Joe and the Cool & Dres and the DJ Khaleds being like, "Omg you're phenomenal. You were good before but..." and I'm just like yeah, whatever. I feel like I was as good then as I am now, y'all buggin'. But apparently, they all think I'm much better now. I don't know if I should take it as a compliment or what. But if I never put out another record or album in my life, I'd still record music. That's just in me.

“Everybody always tries to pit women against each other. But I feel like we’re so different. We aren’t even in the same lane at all, period.”

 How do you view your role in music now? You've always called yourself the "Queen of New York," but it seems you're talking bigger now, and taking more shots.

Every artists has that braggadocios streak in them. I've always felt like, when it comes to this rapping, I think I'm the best. And I say "Queen," but god-honest, put my life on it, I feel like I'm better than a lot of guys. I hate that there are instances where I just get compared to females. And that's not just for me, I feel like there are other females that are better than some of the guys. I just tend to think that I'm better than a lot of the guys. I feel like it's time to stop all of this "she's dope for a female" shit. Nah. Stop playin'. My pen has never been questioned.

Anybody can get it. That's how I be on it. If you listen to my old mixtapes, if I ever had a problem with any female or anything ever in life, I will say your name. But I'm not just gonna go and come at somebody just to do it. Even when I first came out I never felt like in order to get on I had to tear down this female or that female. I've never done that in my life. But the problem is, there's only been one person reigning for so long, so any time I say anything it's, "Oh, she gotta be talking about this person." I'm open to working with anybody and I don't have any problems with anybody. I don't want no problems with anybody. I'm very happy and I'm in a good space in my life, and I don't want anyone to feel like I'm ever coming at them. That's that.

Everybody always tries to pit women against each other. They make it seem like there can only be one female at a time. But I feel like we're so different. We aren't even in the same lane at all, period. We are on total different ends of the spectrum. But whatever.

How has your life changed post-prison? How has your outlook changed?

Well, I would definitely say I'm not as reckless as I used to be. Would've probably been totally different ten years ago. I'm a little bit smarter now, and more worried about my business. Before, when I was young, I just wanted to be the best rapper. I didn't care about all the other stuff, I just wanted them to be like "shorty is dumb nice, she's crazy." Now, it's not even about that. I think differently now. I don't even care about the things I used to care about. And I think that's something that just happens with growth. I'm not 25 years old anymore. I don't think like a 25-year-old. Before I was like, I just want to put out this mixtape. I just want the streets to hear this. I just did this freestyle, it's crazy. But bruh, a mixtape is free. I'm not doing that shit anymore, really.

“I’ve met women that haven’t seen their children in a decade that live 40 minutes from them. Women who have husbands that they haven’t seen since they got incarcerated 20 years ago. Women whose friends have signed them off as a loss.”

Can we talk a bit about the prison system for a bit because you've talked a lot the past few months — and just in general — about women, particularly black women, being abandoned in prison, and just the way that the system is totally corrupt.

Well, first let me say, people be like, you're out of jail now — and by people, I mean idiots on social media who just type because they have fingers — why do you talk about prison so much? I'm almost positive I have some type of PTSD. I really went through a traumatic experience. Almost a decade of my life was consumed by the prison system. Of the past 15 years [as a rapper], I've spent most of that time in prison as opposed to the "free world," so I don't think I'm going to forget any of the things I went through, and I still have people that I have learned to care about that are there, and will probably end up having to spend the rest of their life there. So, if I can do anything or create any type of awareness — because honestly I know I didn't even know.

Prior to me actually being there, I didn't know any women that went to prison. So I've gotten to meet women that haven't seen their children in a decade that live 40 minutes from them. Women who have husbands that they haven't seen since they got incarcerated 20 years ago. Women whose friends have signed them off as a loss. And it was even more hurtful because I had such a strong support team in my husband who visited me every single day the first year, and then every year after that as much as he possibly could. And I had a visit every single day. So any day — in a prison of 900 to 1000 women — I would be down there with a visit and there would be like two or three other people. There was times where I was on a visit and I was the only person that had one. These are people that have husbands and mothers and sisters and children.

And it was so sad to me because I've been to visit floors at male facilities, and it is so crowded that they cut visits short so that the next people can come in. It's so crazy. You'll have girlfriends and baby mamas and pen pals and friends. People with babies and strollers and packages. And most of the visitors there were women. But when it came to the women it was like tumbleweeds blowing through the visiting floor. And I just didn't understand, especially coming from a community where women are the heads of a lot of households. These households are held together by women. The backbones of these families are women because a lot of the men are either gone or in prison for that matter, so seeing these women thrown away like trash just bothered me. Even as I'm going through this ordeal, I can see my children or my husband — there are these women around me who have it way worse. And statistics show women get harsher sentences than men for the same crimes committed. And seeing it firsthand was just really sad.

There's too much room for opinion in something that determines people's lives. One of the guys in the Bobby Shmurda GS9 case ended up with 117 years, and the headline said he was originally offered a 15 year plea deal that he rejected. Okay, I don't know what his case is, I don't know what he did, what was his charges, or whatever. The point that sticks out to me is if you offer me 15 years, how regardless of what happened at that trial do we end up at 117? How? That's life. This is what I be talking about. That doesn't make sense. If I commit a crime that warrants 15 years and you're willing to give me 15 years, that's it. There's no way after trail I should end up with 117 years. And I'm very passionate about it. Not just because I lived it but because I've seen it. When you're in there seven years you get to hear so many different stories, and it's disgusting the way this country operates off the prison system. We have the most people incarcerated out of every country in the entire world. Countries that have five and ten times as many people as we do have less people incarcerated. Why is that?

 “When you’re in prison, they do a go-around every hour in the middle of the night, just to make sure that everyone is alive. And I still wake up now. I do not sleep through the whole night.”

What do you think it's going to take to fix the system? Is it even possible?

The first thing has to be the deprivatization. We have to end the private prison system. If you have something that is ran for a profit, and I invest 10 million into a prison, I'm not going to make any money off that prison if I don't have any prisoners in it. That creates a motive to incarcerate people. That's one thing.

The second thing: there are certain rules where once you have a felony or you're on parole or anything like that you can't vote. What does me being on parole have to do with voting? If you're in prison, you can't vote. If you're in prison, your right to vote has been revoked. But these are the people that are making the laws. I can't vote and these are the people that are making the laws that effect my life. If you have a felony, you can run for certain offices, you can't have certain jobs. You can't own certain businesses. And when you look at the majority of people in prisons, they're minorities. So who is this really stopping from voting? Who is this really keeping out of certain jobs? So there's so much that has to be changed, and I don't even know where we have to begin because they all go hand-in-hand. This system has to be attacked on so many different levels through so many different outlets just to get it right.

And it can't be, Oh, if you did this crime, you get anywhere from 5-25 years. Five years and 25 years is a big difference. I know that if I do something and I get five years for it and somebody else does it and they get a year, I'm going to feel some type of way. The guidelines are too large. They've done an excellent job sabotaging things.

So much of it is racially motivated, too.

Absolutely. It's racially motivated. It's financially motivated. You can be the wrong color, but if you have the right amount of money at the right time you might be good. If you get caught in an election year, it's over for you. That's kind of what happened to me. So they had to act like they were cracking down on crime and all this stuff. It's crazy because I can count numerous times I went to court and it'd be me, Ja Rule, Busta Rhymes, Lil Wayne, like literally we all would have court on the exact same day. That's no coincidence. We get there and the news outlets would be there, TMZ would be there, the [New York] Daily News and every one of us ended up doing time except Busta, he got a crazy fine. Ja got a couple of years, Wayne got a year, and I ended up with the most. It was just a bad time to be doing anything at that time, and that's how it is sometimes.

There's actually a line from "Dreaming" on the new record where you say something like "Used to be in a cell dreaming of home/ Now I'm at home dreaming of a cell." That's one of my favorite lines from the record. Can you talk about the idea behind that?

It's crazy because I would be in jail and I would have dreams that I was home. They would be so real and so vivid, and I would wake up and be in this stinking-ass cell. I would literally start crying because that's how real it would get, and I wanted to go home so bad. And now that I'm home, finally after all of these years, I spent so much time there that it haunts me. I have dreams — while I'm in bed with my husband, my son and my daughter in the next room and I just finished performing or whatever is going on — and I will have nightmares that I'm in jail, and they seem just as real as the dreams would feel when I was in jail. I have dreams that I'm still in prison and it's horrible. You would think that it makes sense to be in prison and you dream that you're home, but I never thought for a second that I would be home and still seeing that place.

When you're in prison, they do a go-around every hour in the middle of the night — an officer on duty goes around just to make sure that everyone is alive. At 5 a.m. they do what's called a live body count where you actually have to move. So, whenever they would walk around every hour it would wake me up. And I still wake up. I literally wake up almost every hour now. I do not sleep through the whole night.

Prison affects everything. That's why me even sitting here sitting here talking to you and being able to be successful and take care of my family — that's not normal. Like, I know that I am super blessed and God has shined some other type of light on me. All of the people I know — like some of them haven't even did half the time I did — they aren't doing good. You can't get a job. Everywhere you go you're labeled this felon. And you have to put it on there, and if you don't put it on there when they find out, you get fired. You can't get a new place to live because that's a question that they ask on your housing application. And in many cases whatever support system you had is gone. It's just like starting from scratch but with all these strikes against you.

“Prison affects everything. That’s why me even sitting here sitting here talking to you and being able to be successful and take care of my family — that’s not normal.”

Last year, you said you had a solo album that was coming out called Seven Winters and Six Summers, and that it had writing from your time in prison. Is that still happening? What can we expect from that release?

The title is still Seven Winters and Six Summers. That's exactly the time that I was gone. I would count my time where my window was. Where my cell was you could always see the trees. So when the trees were bare, I'd be like, just five more times I gotta see these leaves blow off the trees, five more winters and I can go home.

I wrote when I was there, and when I let certain people hear it they'd be like, "You gotta put this out." But I wanted to keep it so I could go to that place. Like, I can never write from that place again. You literally have to be there to do that.

All of the raps for the collab with Joe were written in the studio. That's usually what I do. I'll wait until the day I'm in the studio, even if I have the beat for a month. If have it that long and I write that long ahead of time, I'm going to change it a thousand times. So, I usually just go right in a write it that day. But with this project, for one, it's going to be my sophomore album, and two, it's talking about something that it's very important to me to get it right. So, I wanted to be able to keep these thoughts.

There's a wave that you're on when you're away. You start appreciating the people in your life and reflecting on the hardships in your life. You realize all the things that could've been or may not have been. You have so much time to think. I wasn't drinking. I wasn't smoking. I had all this time to myself and it's the most clear your brain can ever be. There's no way I could ever try to duplicate the feeling that I had in there. It was the same way when I was inside: I couldn't write rhymes about being out. I wouldn't have been able to write "All the Way Up" when I was in prison. You just don't feel like that. You feel like shit. People would be like, "I know you in there writing something crazy." And I'm just like, what? First of all, you don't have all this free time. Second of all, you feel horrible. It is the worst mind-state to ever be in. There's no creativity in there. You're drained.

If you could go back, knowing what you know now, and tell '06 Remy anything, what would you tell her now?

You know what. I would just tell her treat your music and your career like your job. I'd treat it like a job. Then it was just like fun. And I tell this to any artist that I meet that hasn't really been through anything like that. I tell them, "This is your job." If you worked at a office — a blue collar job — would you bring all of your friends and your family members to hang out in the break room? Would they come to your office parties? No. Only the people that work there go. That's what I would do. I would definitely tell her to take this serious. This is not for everybody. You can't try to give your blessing to somebody else. Only God can give a blessing.

This article was written by Sheldon Pearce and published in Fader Magazine. 

yellin’ at songs, 2.25.2017

or should i say, yellin’ at seangs this week! you know, ‘cuz of all the big sean they put in there, these are seangs this week, i say! my wit is grand and deserving of mass attention.

22) "No Favors," by Big Sean ft./Eminem 70) "Sacrifices," by Big Sean ft./Migos 74) "Halfway off the Balcony," by Big Sean 76) "Jump out the Window," by Big Sean 86) "Owe Me," by Big Sean 97) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih

...I prepared myself for a lot of things when I decided my weekly routine would include this silly project. Did I know I'd be listening to and thinking about a lot of songs I otherwise never would have made time for?  That couldn't be avoided. Was I aware a song I loved and would stand up for could fall off the chart the very next week? It hurts that we lost "Run Up," but yes, I know no pop song is destined to hit the top 40. ...Did I prepare myself for six Big Sean songs. I was cognizant of a newly-released Big Sean album. Did I realize relatively deep Big Sean cuts would make their way into my life. Did I realize that, thanks to this fractured world where major artists give their preferred streaming service the right to be the sole host for their album, how difficult it would be to find a song with an Eminem feature on The You Tube. I worked harder to listen to "No Favors" than I ever otherwise would have. I could have said, "Eminem is on this track! I bet that's bad to listen to." Nope. I had to spend three minutes clickin’ on various YouTube videos until I found the actual song so I could confirm that Eminem is still not worth anyone's time, to say nothing for the time it took to find this song. Eminem describes himself as "rapey" and describes beating Jamie Lee Curtis with a spaceheater. Eminem, still incredibly not cool with the fact women are alive and breathing the same air as he does! Still thinking as he ever has, that one. Eminem turns 45 this year.

And then I remembered that I have Amazon Music, because I am a 51-year-old office manager who needs all the Steely Dan he can handle and is thus in the Amazon Music target market, and a cursory search showed that Big Sean did not make his album exclusive to one streaming service. So while I am not thrilled to put four other Big Sean songs into my life (there's an Official Video for "Halfway off the Balcony"), I am elated to give you a version of Yellin' at Songs which is complete and honest in its evaluation of every pop song to make its chart debut in 2017, except for the 1.7.2017 chart, that chart doesn't count for... some reason, don’t ask, I’m weird I AM PLEASED however, to report that my opinion on Big Sean is the same as it was when we discussed "Moves:" Big Sean has made great strides as a rapper, and while I wasn't looking forward to hearing any of these songs, I didn't mind them! Why, I downright enjoyed "Light," though I'm just a big fan in general of the first song of albums. (I like introductions. I like starting things. It's the middle and end parts here I'm like, enh, I don't know how to do this, but beginning a new thing is always a rush.) "Sacrifices" was also somewhere better than okay. So we have one song I'd be okay listening to again, one song I mostly enjoyed, one song that might end up being the worst thing I'd heard this year (remember that this year has included a Brantley Gilbert song and "Body Like a Back Road," and know that we're about to get to "Look at Me!"), and three other songs. Given that this easily could have been 24 minutes of nothing, I'll gladly take three songs I could have thoughts about!

43) "Believer," by Imagine Dragons

Listen, we have our fun with Imagine Dragons. It's pretty nuts that this is the biggest rock band we have going, imagine going back in time and playing this for Chuck Berry and telling him this song is a direct descendant of his work, but this song, it's pretty okay! It's a nice "love letter to the fans" sort of song, there's nothing terribly offensive about anything that's happening, it's a perfectly competent rock song that is going to serve well as the walk-up music for the Kansas City Royals' back-up utility infielder in two years' time. My opinion of this is absolutely colored by the fact that this song contains an itemized list. 1) I'll say the words in my head. 2) Don't tell me who you think I could be. 3) Thank God for the haters. 4) We made it, you and I, and I gotta give mad love to you, the fans. I dig any song with a list. I still defend Jay-Z's verse in "Monster" on the grounds that rap could use more lists.

68) "My Old Man," by Zac Brown Band

Before the Grammys hit, I went through every nominee field for Record of the Year to see how representative the Grammys had ever been of trends in pop music (spoiler: THEY NEVER WERE), and something I wanted to do was go through each year and determine the true Record of the Year field. I didn't have time for that because I started writing the post early Saturday morning and wanted to get it out before the Grammys started, but I ended up doing it anyway, and I present this to you: "Chicken Fried" absolutely would have been an ROTY nominee for the year 2009 if the Grammys had any got damn sense. I don't know if there's been a country song this country has been more in agreeance with since. Everything about that song works, it even earns the ode to the flag! 2009 wasn't one of the best music years in recent memory, either, you don't have to stretch the imagination to see a nice song about how great fried chicken getting ROTY consideration. Zac Brown Band puts out really solid country music. They're not Chris Stapleton-y throwbacks, they're not trying to revolutionize the genre, but they have their niche, and they know exactly how to operate within that niche. Most country songs about a strong paternal figure would be insufferable, but this is about as good as that sub-genre gets! Zac Brown Band, generally pleasant to hear since 2009!

87) "Beauty and the Beast," by Ariana Grande ft./John Legend

The least necessary thing on the planet is pop remixes of signature songs from Disney musicals. It only worked for Elton John, but those were songs he was writing, so that is a CLEAR EXCEPTION. The pop remix didn't work in the '90s, it didn't work with "Let It Go," and it doesn't work here. I REPEAT: Angela Lansbury or GTFO.

89) "I Don't," by Mariah Carey ft./YG

The most amazing line on Wikipedia is "Mariah Carey (born March 27, 1969 or 1970)." That says so much, and not all it says is about Mariah Carey, but we learn so much about Mariah Carey from that biographical tidbit. But why was I on Wikipedia looking up Mariah Carey's age? Because I just had to listen to a 39-year-old man sing a love song with a woman 15 years younger than him, and one of the reasons that Mariah Carey is a legend is that she is nearly 50 years old but still getting in those slinky dresses and getting 27-year-old gangsta rappers to write guest verses about how hot she is. That’s amazing. Like, think about female romantic leads in Tom Hanks movies for a second, or in Woody Allen movies, or in any movie, literally any movie, it’s always, the dude is hella old and the woman is portrayed by an early-20s ingenue, and here Mariah Carey is FLIPPING THE FUCKING SCRIPT. That’s what you get to fucking do when you’re a legend. Think about YG for a second. In the same 12-month span, YG released a song called "Fuck Donald Trump" and wrote a verse about proposing to Mariah Carey. That's not a mark against YG, that is a testament to Mariah Carey's legend, that we’re nearly 20 years removed from “Heartbreaker” but she still wields the same influence. I did not start writing this series about pop music to besmirch Mariah Carey's good name. What I think of this song is immaterial. She is a goddess come to earth, and her every movement is a blessing.

93) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini

So, I don't know about this song's long-term ability to stay on the chart. It's been out since last October, and it's apparently part of a popular Snapchat filter, and I'm not sure I'm ready for a world where songs can get big via Snapchat. I barely got used to Vine hits, now I've gotta worry about Snapchat? Anyhoo. Take a trip with me. On last year's year-end Hot 100, the hip-hop entries were all either trap or Drake, with the exception of "All the Way Up." It's been way too long since we've had a solid pop/rap song hit the charts. And this is such a blast! Even the rap singles I've enjoyed over the course of this project, they're still slightly ponderous. This young man just wants to eat candy, and it's like "Cake by the Ocean," yeah candy is a metaphor for something but this dude doesn't want you to think about it too hard, he just has this dope song you can enjoy. It's nice to hear music that isn't taking itself seriously. Bless you, friend.

94) "In Case You Didn't Know," by Brett Young

Meanwhile, the world has hundreds of versions of this exact pop/country song. We're all good. We don't need more. This is a new dude! How do they keep finding dudes like this to sing songs like this? Are they just in a mall somewhere scouting dudes like this in line at the Auntie Anne's? Do they just go to baseball games and look for tall dudes with stubble? Do they just carry guitars to karaoke bars, and when they hear a voice just nasally enough to be considered twangy they give him the guitar to hold for a few minutes and evaluate how hot he looks while holding that guitar and smiling? “Oh, yeah, that could be an album cover. I could see that on an album cover.” “So y’all from ar” “Shhh, shh shh shh, you talking ruins everything we like here.” Where do these guys COME FROM even?

95) "Look at Me!" by XXXTENTACION

But I kind of understand the appeal of bro country. At this point, when I see a white dude's name on the Billboard chart, I know I can expect one of two things: a fast jam about a hot summer night in a Chevrolet truck, or a slow jam about a hot girl the bro truly loves. And there's a certain safety when you know what to expect. If you feel safe enough in an environment, you'll want to spend more time in that environment, and if you spend enough time in that safe environment, you'll eventually call that place your home. This is all to say that, as I listened to "Look at Me!" I found myself appreciating the mundanity and predictability of "In Case You Didn't Know," and it takes a certain kind of aggressive unpleasantness to make me consider the bro-country universe's redeeming qualities. This song is horrendous. There's no musicality, the lyrics are the most misogynistic thing I've heard IN A WEEK WITH A FUCKING EMINEM VERSE, there's nothing here that suggests this is something meant to be enjoyed. Who is this for? Who's listening to this song that would subject themselves to it more than once? There is neither creativity nor artistry, just a horrible worldview presented abrasively. Y'all rejected "Run Up" for this and I will never forgive you.

Anyway, we’re a month and a half into this thing, and I think we’ve encountered enough Cs and C+s to expand the Top 10 into a Top 20! 20) "Road Less Traveled," by Lauren Alaina (2.11) 19) "I Don't," Mariah Carey ft./YG (2.25) 18) "El Amante," by Nicky Jam (2.18) 17) "Timeless," by A Boogie Wit da Hoodie ft./DJ SPINKING (1.14) 16) "Beibs in the Trap," by Travis Scott (1.21) 15) "My Old Man," by Zac Brown Ban (2.25) 14) "Castle on the Hill," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 13) "Call Casting," by Migos (2.18) 12) "Running Back," by Wale ft./Lil Wayne (2.11) 11) "I'm Better," by Missy Elliott ft./Lamb (2.18) 10) "Way Down We Go," by Kaleo (1.14) 9) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25) 8) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 7) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11) 6) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 5) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Run Up," Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18)

Why Do Women Hate Women...SO MUCH?

So I did a little research before writing this Blog. I watched a little Oprah, a little Iyala fix my life, little Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, ya know, the essentials 🤷🏽‍♀️ I can think of a million examples to start with from my personal experiences, friend's experiences, reality TV etc etc, but I'm going to use Cardi B as an example (just bare with me)

I am a super Cardi B fan! Boom, there, I said it. Not because of Bodak yellow, but because she has worked hard to get where she is right now, she just wants to help her family, she is honest about her life and who she is, and she is SO HUMBLE. This woman is still a super fan of every artist she was a fan of before she got her big break, and she is so appreciative of the people who support her music. She is just such a sweet girl, and it makes me proud to see her doing well! SO,  Nicki Minaj had kind of thrown some shade at her by liking a negative comment a "Fan" wrote on a Cardi's IG, and then posting a negative tweet clearly aimed at the new rapper mentioning her boyfriend. Cardi was CRUSHED because she said she couldn't understand why someone she admires so much would go out of the way to tear her down.

Why do we do that to each other? After my very intense research, I think I've got a few ideas:

Social conditioning: we are conditioned as young girls that we have to be better than the person sitting in front of us and behind us. From sports, to clothes, grades, how many friends you have, who you sit with at a lunch table, how to impress a guy more than the girl next to you. It's all been programmed in our minds. The competition (and no I'm not talking about friendly competition, because that is always healthy) is engrained so deeply in us, that we often feel the need to compete in areas where a competition should not even exist.  STORY TIME 🤗🤗 When I was in 7th grade I chopped my hair off because every girl in the 7th grade except maybe two at my new school HATED me because I "thought my hair was cute" (said the ring leader of the group) and because some guy had a crush on me that apparently was the hot guy of middle school. (Fun fact, I didn't start liking boys until summer of my 8th grade year, so their hate was ill directed.)  I'm sure you all are wondering why I remember that alllll these years later. Well I remember it because there was an entire grade of girls who hated me lol I was new and out of the ordinary, those girls were conditioned to hate me and to try to annihilate me, you never forget an annihilation attempt! There was a girl who actually came to me at lunch one day and said "I like you, you seem really nice! but everybody else hates you soooooo yep." She apologized to me as stuck a huge piece of gum in my hair as all the kids at the other tables laughed. I was so confused and I cried lol  I went home and cut my hair, told my mom I accidentally cut it.  After a while of course, the girls realized I did not wish to threaten the social balance and they backed off...for the most part. I later ended up dating the guy most of high school and became amazing friends/frienemies with those girls. I now understand that they had no choice but to hate me. Though I understand it, I don't want to raise my future daughter to treat people that way. I want to condition her mind in a way that she knows, there is room for all of us here to be great.   NOW THAT IM DONE CRYING ABOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL.... a more up to date scenario                                                                                                                                                                                             When I say unnecessary competition, this is what I'm talking about. Say we are in the gym, I don't know you, you don't know me right? I put my treadmill speed at 6.0 you bump yours up to 6.1, midway through I bump mine to 6.8 (because the app that I'm using tells me to,) you bump your up to 6.9 just to stay ahead of me, but now your halfway dead because you're trying to compete with me on something I've BEEN training at. I stop my treadmill to move on to something else and you're thinking "YES! I knew I could beat her 💁🏽" just before you fall off and pass out and get rushed to the hospital. Where as while you're dying, I'm not even aware of the fact that you exist, I'm just happy I was able to finish my run today for once, AND if you had asked me how did I train to to comfortable run for a certain distance, I would have been more than happy to tell you everything I know to help you out!! We are conditioned to feel as if we are in constant competition with each other.  This usually happens in cases of an oppressed people. You get that mentality where "I've gotta look better and have a better body or I won't find a husband.""I've gotta be better,  I've gotta get their first, or there won't be anymore left for me." "If someone Is better than you in anyway, you'll never make it out." That my loves, is the mindset of an oppressed people, and yes, women are an oppressed people. It's not your fault, we are literally trained to be better than each other by any means necessary. It's like Lord of the Flies up in girl world! (If you've never read Lord of the Flies, you HAVE to! That's a good book! It's about these boys who get stranded on an island and...well thats not important here I guess, but still go read it)

External Validation-  Validation (n)- recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. We have a constant need to be validated by the outside world, some women more than others, but we all need to be validated in some way.  In the movie mean girls Cady (Lindsay Lohan) started off pretending to be a mean girl, but as time went on, she actually became a really mean person because her thirst for validation continued to grow. Her need to be known as the prettiest girl in school, her need to be popular, her need to have the best clothes, her need to have the best hair; all of this because she wanted to feel validated by the outside world. She did't care about who she hurt or made fun or walked over, because her need for validation caused her to not care about being mean to anyone. She was perfectly fine and interesting on her own, but because she developed that need to be accepted and validated, it changed her. We need to hear "omg you're so much prettier than her" "omg your hair is way cuter than hers". MY (insert whatever) has to be BETTER than YOUR (insert whatever) or my dopeness is not VALID. NO SIS you're dope, I'm dope, we are all dope. Thats all the validation you need.

Success- I'm going to break success down in a few different areas

You know the saying "misery loves company"? You know how you will be having a great, lively conversation with one of your friends, and then you spring some good news on her and it gets reaaaallll quiet and dry on the other end of the phone? Women do not like when other women are happy. Whether its a happy relationships, happy at work, or just happy to be alive. Your friend tells you OMG I'm so excited, I just bought these new shoes and they were on sale. She is clearly excited, but secretly you're angry because you wanted those shoes and couldn't afford them that day, so you tell her the shoe s are ugly and make her feet look big, out of "love" of course. Or you have a friend that gets into a new relationship and is very happy, you blow up on her for talking about her new boyfriend, telling her that you're sick of hearing about him (after she has only mentioned him once), all because you're upset that you aren't getting a "text back".  You should want to see your friends happy. Whatever another woman is happy about, just let her be happy, and try to indulge a little bit in her happiness. Sometimes you just honestly, do not want to hear it, girl, I get it; that's not what I'm talking about. I am talking about if the only time you are enjoying a conversation, is if your friend is on the phone crying her eyes out about how her guy mistreated her or dishing about her awful day at work...that is what I'm talking about. I know people like that who are just eager to hear bad news about my life, soooo I don't tell them lol but if it excites you to learn about the low points in people's lives or to see another woman not doing so well, you really should take a look at yourself love. You need to ask yourself why the idea of another woman being happy makes you feel like the wicked witch being melted by rain on the inside.

Women hate to see another woman having a more successful career/business than her. You want to see your friends do well, but not better than you. In the field that I work in, there aren't always a lot of women around! So when I see another woman I'm happy like hey girl hey, lets be better than all these guys together lol It's not always like that, it's every woman for herself 🤷🏽‍♀️ Oh well.  Ya know, I recently met a young woman who is pretty awesome! We clicked immediately, like we both just KNEW ok, this is my soul sister. We chatted as she was doing my hair and the conversation flowed onto the topic of our dreams and we both had a similar idea! In most situations thats a no go, that conversation would have stopped right there because I don't want you to take my ideas and run off and be better than me. We should have been looking at each other side eyed lolGuys, we both got so excited when we realized we had the same idea and ended it with "SIS we need to get on this together, lets set up a meeting and lets collab" !!  You should WANT to see another woman doing well in a career, and if I can help you, or we can work together yesss lets do it. Women should Support women!

Women don't like women who they think are prettier or have a better body than them🤦🏽‍♀️🤔 I'm not even going to get into this one  because it's self explanatory. This is a terrible reason to hate someone... you hate me because you think I'm pretty or my butt is small and round, and I hate you because you're pretty and your'e butt is big and round. Soooo we are all out here admiring each other and instead of complementing...ugh I digress. ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

A QUICK RUNDOWN OF other miscellaneous reasons women hate other women

Women don't like women because of hair,

their shoes 

dressing too "slutty"

dressing too conservative

smiling too much,

having resting b*tch face

having a nice car

perfect makeup

waving

not waving

laughing too loud

she must have gotten a nose job

you stole my boyfriend in 3rd grade

I mean.....you guys get the point by now

I think that It all boils down to INSECURITY. We alllll have little insecurities, but just because I am unsure of myself in an area does not mean that I need to make myself feel better by tearing another woman down. Just because I feel there is an opportunity for another woman to be "better" than me in an area does not mean I should tear her down, talk about her, or discourage her, it just means that I need to make sure I continue to be MY BEST SELF. 

Guys, we desperately need to stop comparing ourselves to each other, that alone eliminates a majority of the issue. There is no comparison to YOU. Stop comparing your love life and your body and your hair. There will always be a woman who has a flatter stomach than you or a better butt or longer hair or a taller boyfriend. We have to be able to recognize the beauty in other women while still appreciating and admiring our own undeniable beauty. I guarantee you while you are looking at her wishing you had something she has, she is looking at you wishing she could have something you have. know why?? Because Every woman is a piece of art work carefully crafted by God. There is so much power and beauty in being a woman, and the world already tries to ta take that power from us, we definitely should not do it to each other.  Empowered women, empower women!! So, take your power back, by loving yourself. There is sooooooo much more that can go into this post, because there is some serious healing that has to go on in the girl's club ya'll, but I'm going to run out of characters lol. For now we have to stop being so nasty to each other! When you run into a woman wearing acute dress or a nice pair of earrings, just compliment her. Just walk up to her like "hey girl! your dress is the cutest thing I've ever seen." If you're going to compliment, might as well SUPER compliment.I do it all the time, like omg girl the way you slayed that ponytail is AMAZINNGGGG haha. Spread some love!Let me know how it goes! I hope you all enjoyed this one! Feel free to leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

PS: Don't forget to give yourself a compliment too 🌻