#this is why I post once a week now
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how?…HOW can y’all write short drabbles? Like I be wanting to do sum real quick and boom, next thing I know, it’s 3K words! Like somebody help me fr
#cherry chats 🍒#this is why I post once a week now#I be having too many ideas but they manifest into these long ass stories and I can’t get time to finish them#sighhhh#imma try the prompt generator out again 😭
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HOOOOOH it's finally done - this was supposed to be for kevinsu week day 7 (free day) but i ran a little late as you can see so consider this a late submission. this whole thing has been on my mind since last year but its only until a few months ago that i actually thumbnailed and june/july that i sketched and rendered all the panels... BUT what matters is that i finished it so (salute emoji)
#honkai impact#kevin kaslana#honkai su#kevinsu#kevsu#kevinsuweek23#a-u art dump#a-u pmv stuff#thats a tag now#unfortunately once i post/save this draft i cannot edit this in any way so what you see here is final...on this post#quite a bit of this was inspired by another rty song comic (salute emoji)#i used the legacy editor for this so i can fit in 70 images#so if editing reblogs of this doesnt work then thats why#or if it somehow fucks up the editor entirely#it does for me!#anyway#once again don't be like me and attempt to fully render 60+ frames in less than 3 weeks you will burn yourself out#but its done and thats all that counts
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NICCORI CORI CORI CORI CORIANDER
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#that trend where you draw wxs in your clothes except i only did emu and they no longer look like my clothes bc i put a gradient map on it#its fine ill draw them all together once i find something in my drawers horrendous enough for rui to wear#I hate csp and their stupid company but i missed drawing in it#it helps thr i have an analog tsblet so unlike procreate im not zooming right in on everything and losing my mind#so i draw a lot more fast and it's always more loose and fluid but i dont have a good workflow since its been such a long time#so for now... am stuck in the procreate mines for anything that i want to look nice#The bug master chart is making me so sick btw i do worse every time i play it. help.#im currently in a saw trap where if i dont draw and post an emu at ungodly hours of the night st least once a week i explode#its awesome#WHYS IT SO BLURRY UNLESS YOU CLICK IT. SHOULD I DIE? i lied idgaf goodnight#my wrists HURT WAAAAH WAAH WAAH. BOOHOO. THE AMULETS CURSE BEFALLS ME
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Day 48
It's gonna be an oil painting
#why yes. i AM stretching this out a whole bunch to cover multiple posts so i can slowly make up the missed week and have some back logged.#im sorry but you do just have to deal with that dor now#legends of avantris#legends of avantris fanart#morning frost#morning frost daily#once upon a witchlight
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poking the bear tiger
#i drew a bunch of saemaji/saekazumaji stuff a couple weeks back and now im finally scanning them and making them like. tolerable :))#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#saemaji#yakuza#like a dragon#majima goro#saejima taiga#taiga saejima#goro majima#skrunkart#theyre silly :)#anyway if you see me posting a bunch of these all at once that's why. but i'll try to schedule them so it's not all swept away. but also#im impatient so we'll see ;p
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alex and lily during the isps handa world invitational at galgorm castle - august 2022
#i once again don’t know why this didn’t post a couple weeks ago#but it’s very cute and must be seen so have it now!!!#alex albon#lily he#alex red hair saga#via letgolf on ig#fave
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Anyone else think short form social media based on algorithms designed to promote topics that create more engagement instead of more joy, the idea of fast fashion but conveyed through social media, and the fact you can monetize suffering and outrage better than ever has largely resulted in the death spiral of media literacy and the mass emergence of bad faith readings?
#I may be venting a lil but god it blows my mind#fyp is a blessing and a curse because i don't think ppl were ever meant to be subjected to this many ppl at once#god i took a bird site hiatus for weeks and now BARELY check it and it already feels like a hit#oughhhhh#even fandom spaces have hugely incorporated marketing and networking into them bc of cmms and sponsorship and building portfolio#which would be fine tbh if it weren't for the way socmed is designed#now it's like you can't support too many ppl or else you're shadow banned or you have to make yourself palatable and marketable#and websites with threads in which people will only read the first post before qrting because ratios are seen as five minutes of fame#features that permit beating an algorithm are locked behind a paywall that promises you money if you go viral#and what goes viral is usually incendiary content meant for those ratios or trends. whether for or against OP#even in hobbyist spaces the climate has changed so much due to the monetization and marketing and just. ugh#not to mention side accounts dedicated to gossip in this new priv account culture like...idk#if you have to make another account so you can make fun of a friend on main with selected priv friends it just doesn't sit well with me#and not every priv account does this but enough do and it makes me tired#unsolicited hate comments are still as bad as they used to be on ff dot net except now people openly are proud of it more#why do most socmed feel like passive aggressive sticky notes on high school lockers#there is so much more I could say about everything that has left me weary about the internet but I don't know the time or place#and I don't want anyone to think this is about them because it's a general statement. though if you are doing the more inflammatory things.#maybe rethink that. it's not good for anyone else and it's not good for you either#I keep coming back online to check on ppl and see art and I *know* it's draining for my health every time#but I feel a lot better now that i use socmed less overall. and that I try to focus on what makes me happy#it just sucks seeing so many people i care about endure absolutely wild struggles bc people online do not care.#I like rambling in my tags because this is the only place I ramble except my personal journal and to my wife
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for me, some level of trauma related to being the least-favourite child is directly related to playing videogames and boredom
growing up my younger sister got handed the SNES controller and i didnt. she played with my parents and by herself and i watched but didnt play. sometimes this was because i wasnt allowed and other times i thought it was a choice, even though, my choice was because i didnt know how to play and if i asked my mom would have said "really? you want me to start a whole new save file JUST for you?" and i would have quietly said nevermind, and remembered not to ask ever again
when we got a wii, for my sister's birthday she got 2 wii games. for my birthday i got decorations even though i was too young to understand what a decoration is and i just tried playing with them (emphasis on try). sometimes i would come home from school and my sister would have a random gift (something i never got) - another wii game! because it was on sale at blockbuster, and oh sorry Luna, we didnt get anything for you because they didnt have anything you would like.
by the end of our wii, i had 1 wii game that was mine - i chose whenever i wanted to play it, for how long, and if anyone else wanted to play it they had to ask. that was the rules, because it was mine. my younger sister has 11 wii games.
when i was in middle school, i was not allowed to get a better (real) console. it was too expensive. plus, we have the wii, it works perfectly fine, just play on that. m...my one game? that i've been playing since i was 9? that i've 100%'d 5 times? yes.
when i was in highschool i wasnt allowed to have money, especially not to spend online. "luckily" i met an internet friend who was a hacker and sold what he claimed to be abandoned steam accounts. he gave me one for free. i played stardew valley and oblivion religiously, because my laptop was built in 2010 and could barely handle the lowest graphics settings of a game several years older than it. it ended up getting double-hacked so after a year of using it, i once again had no more videogames
now im an adult and i just... cant play videogames. basically none of them. after abut 30 minutes of playing i get so anxious that i have to stop. i havent played stardew valley in about 2 years, my favourite game of all time that i used to stay up until 8am playing.
the game loads, and im anxious because i forget the controls. i walk up to an npc and get anxious because if i dont pick the perfect dialogue tree, im failing myself by not being perfect, so i'll pause the game and go on my phone for 10 minutes to find the answer (i HATE doing this.) i approach a puzzle and im anxious because what if im not smart enough to solve it and i fail again? i need to check if anyone's in the room with me now because if anyone is watching me play they'll know i'm a failure too so i should stop playing. but, videogames are communal (they must be,) i have only ever experienced playing them with someone else there (watching sibling/parents play, watching youtube letsplays) but if someone else sees me fail i'm the worst person ever. and i mean, realistically, how do you even play a videogame for more than 1 hour? how do focus on 1 thing for that long? sounds fake to me
but... i want to play videogames. i know they're experiences. and i want to have experiences. especially because as a disabled person my only other option is youtube. so if i'm not playing videogames, i'm bored out of my skull laying in bed, doing nothing, staring at my youtube screen watching the exact same video essay for the 6th or 7th time this week because the algorythm's only other choice is "perfect damascus steel knife blade DIY"
other than youtube, what am i supposed to do? i cant play videogames - i'm not perfect at them, i cant focus, and i just dont deserve them. there is nothing else.
#and im not even touching on how this has othered me socially#i had to go to high school and listen to my friends talk about playing soulsborne while i had to go home and play fucking#my sims kingdom for the wii. that was my game. that was the 1 game i had#i didnt even choose it either. or ask for it. or know what it was. my parents bought it because it was in the fucking clearance bin#once again i should emphasize that there was no reason for them to treat me this way at fucking all#i am autistic but i am also like very fucking normal. painfully so#i was especially a very normal child#but in their brains they just see me as the RWord and that's enough justification to not give me things that i need or make me happy#sorry for posting this on this blog i pretty much have 1 friend and she talks to me like once a week lol#personal#not dog#parental trauma#yes im including this as trauma btw i literally cry when faced with the task of playing a video game i literally panic#there's also something to be said about growing up in a hypermisogynistic environment and how living with 1 male and 1 TV#makes me immediately give up videogame powers to him. like. why am i playing the tv im a girl he's in charge He should be playing videogame#big shout out to the 0 people who will read this entire post why tf am i posting this oh riiighhht i have no friends. ok tumblr post now
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the fact that hyunjin's birthday is over is actually making me so sad u guys don't understand my life has revolved around his birthday since like october KLJSKDJFSDLKLDG what do i do now..........write and shit????
#carly.txt#i once again dropped my class this eight weeks so we will not be doing School until summer at earliest if not fall KJLSDLKJSLJDK#IF. i even do....i might be done.....i have a job now i'm not built to do school and a full time job simultaneously#but i also write eight hours a day for work. so writing more after work. my brain is like huh ???? why ?:??#so maybe i'll just become a true gamer girl and do that in my free time. LKSDFLSLJDLSDG we'll see#i'll try to keep up w this blog now that i don't have a queue posting a new set every day but i will prob forget about it and neglect#sorry aswkdlfjajlksdgjkl#i am not leaving tumblr tho i will be around still
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more sugiO
#sugio#osugi#sugimoto saichi#ogata hyakunosuke#golden kamuy#UWAHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#ok#i posted on my other socials so now ill ramble in the tags bc its a little less embarrassing to post on tumblr than it is anywhere else#but these are just the results of waiting a week#thinking endlessly about sugio and then doodling my ass off the moment the weekend came#i cant really verbalize how i think of them. in a modern au sense they're ofc much better off and ill talk about that in the future maybe!!#but canon compliant wise................ :melting-emoji:#i am a multishipper so in another universe sugimoto is much more happier with perhaps. someone superior. someone better than ogata but#unfortunately i rotate sugio in my brain the most often and while i picture sugimoto be both regretful and disdainful of his feelings#i do think he accepted his feelings early on once he recognized it#and well. sugimoto is nice. hes really nice. hes sweet and silly and has a knack for romance even if he never really pursued it himself#but he has a track record for ppl that he has loved. and i think those people shape him into his kindness.#toraji... umeko.... and now the person he's closest to is asirpa who is just. eugh. ill cry if i get into their familial/platonic bond.#But u see what i mean. ogata is like a trapezoid box trying to fit in with circles. and that wouldv jarred sugimoto soooo much and consideri#ng the kind of personality that ogata elicits from sugimoto during their interactions . he's Just immediately like Why. Whyyyyyy HIMMMMMMM#but i think he gets around it. a real internal struggle.#meanwhile ogata -- the absolute legend of denial and repression - denies it vehemently. does not See it. and thinks there must be something#wrong with sugimoto -- which is smth he takes comfort in#but he'd never return those feelings -- only the passive affection that could come along with it bc physical affection =/= internal emotions#and i don't find ogata to recognize it -- only catch glimpses of it through odd feelings of warmth -- dreams -- instinctively following#or looking at sugimoto pre-abashiri. its small things and well. it'll whiplash him in the end.#bc love has been so absent in ogata's life. if familial/platonic love can't reach him#then romantic love could never either. and that makes me shake his shoulders and weep.#ive written too Much in these tags. AND THis is Not worded in the best way ANYWAY. but At the least i got to verbally wordvomit it out. it s#been just stewing in my brain bc i have no idea where else to put it down.
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dip pen ink comm second round for in order R. Burry, @sega-bass-kissing, and Solaris
#bakuspecial#commission art#and thats round 2 concluded!#once again sorry it took a Lot longer than round 1 lol#its just. sometimes there are things up here#which is why (mentioning this again in an actually relevant post lol) I'm gonna leave my next week off from this!#round 3 will open sometimes AFTER this sunday. my rest of the week will be for other business I gotta take care of#tbh what I'm doing with ink here is kind of the equivalent of like. picking up someone's dog and running off#nobody knows whats going on or is gonna happen. but I am doing it nonetheless#now tho. maybe I should nap for a bit more. itd help#thank you again to folks who've bought a slot thus far! hope everyone's enjoying whatever the hells Im doing dskjfhdsjfh#I sure am uh. figuring it out. it is fun but then I'm the one with the dog in my arms#have a good night! maybe u should have an animal of choice in ur arms too. would recommend
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GOT ANOTHER JOB!!! WE UPPPPP
#why has this job search been more tasking than working#hopefully my hiatus will be ending soon#i really wanna post one thing a month no matter how good/bad it is to get my pacing bac#because i used to write one a day now its like once a week if i can manage#boooooo capitalism
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i saw someone say they were hoping noah would apologize and it's just kinda fascinating to me...if he thought zionism was sexy on monday (or i guess on sunday probably and for many days and weeks before that) why would he suddenly think it's an awful ideology on friday?
#and like i say: brf slt#i think people found out what zionism was like three weeks ago and think it's a slur or something when like#no it's an actual ideology it doesn't just mean killing and displacing an entire people that's only what ends up happening when you...put#the plan into motion. but yk#i would say zionism can mean one of three things: supporting the establishment of a jewish state. supporting the state of israel#specifically. supporting whatever awful thing the israeli government/army is up to that day#i saw someone get yelled at in the replies of a post because they were saying this when they were literally right? it was a post about noah#so again i'm assuming people don't know what they're talking about because. they don't. lol#and like obviously proudly being a zionist rn and being like zionism is sexy while israel is bombing people in the name of zionism after#killing and displacing people for decades in the name of zionism can only mean that you condone all that. but idk. i didn't like the way#people talked to that person WHO WAS LITERALLY RIGHT when they were probably the same people who were saying no going to israel and saying#you love it there doesn't mean anything at all this summer#and about the apology. lmao. i've seen people say the same thing about timothée chalamet on twitter and like yeah if he thought the hamas#joke was funny on saturday why would he be like omg nooooo this is really unfunny on monday. i'm not saying you can't expect anyone to#apologize for anything ever but celebrity apologies...................lmao. even when they do apologize it's always like i'm sorry#you're offended not i'm sorry for doing it#and explain to me how or why you would expect noah to be like sorry i didn't mean that zionism was a good thing. like what about his track#record would make you think he'd change his mind😭 if he ever realizes how wrong he is it definitely will not be now#and people saying that video should get him fired is like. brett gelman posted something about how if you don't get called a racist on the#internet once a day you're doing something wrong and you think they're gonna fire noah for being around stickers that say 'this ideology we#the creator+producer of the show subscribe to is sexy' and 'this organization we have decided has beheaded 40 babies and we're so#sure of that we repeated the lie in our open letter thanking the president who corroborated that lie is isis'. like they agree with him#i'm not defending anything btw i'm just saying why the fuck would you expect him to be like oh my bad you're right and apologize😭
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the depression is doing abnormal things (im not rotting?? still there. but its not that kind rn) and god would i Love to say. the lwa obsession never left. the depression briefly (last two years) covered it. i am still so not normal at all about this show. i need it so bad in every aspect of my life
#typing this from my computer rn bc I wanted to scroll through the croix tab while I did hw#i will not lie! the emotions i have experienced the last week are reminding me of that one post that was like hey guys sorry I haven't#been active on my stan account i got put on mood stabilizers and now Im not nearly as obsessive#its giving that. it is so deeply hardcore giving that. its ok tho! cause i am not on mood stabilizers and i don't want to be !#i would love a stimulant though. seriously. I've got the adhd diagnosis now i want the meds for it.#my therapist asked me today why i said i wanted to take it once a week knock out all of my hw and chores and not take it every day and#live a functional day to day life. and its like bestie. i am a little on the unstable side. i don't want to be neurotypical#in truth its bc ive tried adderall before and it was great i got everything done. but everything felt wrong. it was too functional#i need the broken hinges in my brain the things that don't work. it keeps my life interesting even if its downright miserable#why is grammerly showing up on my tumblr post. bro?? woah you can edit ur tags on desktop?? this is crazy#grammery emotion guesser is saying i seem very unhappy. i feel better than i have in a long time. its like a breath of fresh air#i think i should look at what manic depression is#anyways. Hi from desktop!!#soup talks
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you procrastinate making videos cause being judged is scary you're so close to being forgotten the hate's imaginary. kind of a raw ass line tbh
#<- me posting my story#i'm always like ''ahhh what if everyone hates this and blocks me and talks about me behind my back :((''#literally no one cares anymore lmao#i can't even remember the last time i got a hate comment#i used to get them at leastttt once a week#then i got in my head about everyone hating me and now i re-read my work literally HUNDREDS of times before i post it#it's one of my worst compulsions but i can't make myself stop#its not even like i'm proofreading them?? my mind kinda blacks out after the second re-read#it's why i always announce that i'm going to post a story post a day in advance so i have some accountability hanging over my head#otherwise i literally will keep re-reading it for weeks and never post it#thank god i never pursued writing on a professional level because holy shit i would be useless#i'm posting this on this personal blog because it's embarrassing lmaooo#this account is my diary for the 5 amazing weirdos who i appreciate dearly
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I just finished reading the second Liam chapter and aaaaaaaaa just screaming. It’s perfect!! Both chapters are so well written, so full of love it kinda hurts hahaha
From the first part, idk I loved it when you mentioned about Lit past together since very young. Like, I knew that bit of their story bc I read it here in one post but reading it in the actual story felt like it was even more real, y’know? To read about Liam’s concerns about his career, Kit’s unconditional support since always…I can’t explain why I loved it so much but yeah haha feels like being closer to the boys <3
And yes, we are not lying when we tell you that that first part was soooo good. You found a well balance and projected very well the idea that Liam was confused and concerned.
And this second part goshhh i cannot <3333 i’m so weak with pet names (pretty sure I have said that before…) and praise likeee i read it and i feel like melting haha you can imagine after that second (third?) chapter im nothing but a puddle on the floor hskdjfdk apart from that, it’s great to see Liam and Kit finding themselves more settled with their instincts now :’)
I’m so excited to get into Kit’s thoughts and Izzy and Nat participation in this whole situation.
Sorry I wrote so much haha. But yeah, thank you for everything as always!! 💗💗
(P.S. you are definitely spoiling us with 3 chapters in like 4 days!! Not complaining tho…)
Ahhh thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on the chapters!! I love hearing all about it so no such thing as writing too much (also, have you seen me and how much I write?? lmaoo) Such a lovely message, thank you so much<3
And yesss I’m so happy to finally have more of Lit’s background in the actual story, about the daymn time! Their dynamics in general are just so fascinating for me to mess with, and it’s fun to figure out how they shift over time in relation to how they grow and things change etc. Like, before Nat, Liam was the youngest and the most ‘babiest’ of them, so all their dynamics adjusted a little with Nat coming in. But like in this sad!kitty one, as much as it was for Kit's benefit this time around, Liam also still needs the moments where he gets to be a whole baby with Kit :( (when they’re not too busy being dude-bros to trigger Izzy & tease Nat lol)
Thehehe I hope you enjoyed the rest of the story as well! I’m afraid Kit had literally like 0 thoughts by the last chapter, but hims a cutie and he was going through it, so we shall give him a break :’)
Thank you for the sweet message again, I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the chapters! xx
#I really thought it'd take me much longer to edit and post them!!#which is why I gave a 2 week window for the updates#but then I got confirmed for work for the next little bit#and figured I better get to editing#and have the chapters out now bc I knew I might not have time later#Sooo that's the story behind why and how you were fed so well for once hahaha xx
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