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princesspiratecat · 3 years

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The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Part 23: Spring, 1083

Part 1& Part 2

Part 3 & Part 4

Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7

Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10

Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13

Part 14 & Part 15 & Part 16

Part 17 & Part 18 & Part 19

Part 20 & Part 21 & Part 22

After the night of the disastrous dinner with the Merchants, the weather turned gloomy again, and it was just as well. Since Frances had been trapped inside in any case, he didn’t care about the fine weather, or lack thereof. In fact, he didn’t care about anything anymore, and the things that once gave him pleasure such as riding, fishing, and camping out under the stars felt empty and meaningless to him now.

He had finally finished his studies, but only just. And now that they were done, there was little for him to do and nothing for him to look forward to. The mornings were spent laying in bed, and the afternoons were spent milling about the estate. His father now completely ignored him even more so than he had before. The rest of his family let him do as he would. He ignored them all, for the most part.

At night when the great hall was quiet, he would go down and play melancholy songs on his lute, which he was getting quite good at, truth be told. He would open a bottle of his father’s wine or mead, and drink himself numb until he couldn’t feel his fingers, which helped him play better. When the sky began to brighten with the dawn, he would finally retire. When he awoke with a headache, he would lounge in bed all day until the night came. Then he would do it all over again.

One particularly gloomy night, Frédérique came down to the main hall at a late hour and interrupted his playing. He had been drinking the last of the Burgundy wine and remembering Gwendolyn’s kisses, so the sight of her was enough to bring him out of his musing. He could tell by the look on her face that she was going to say something he’d rather not hear, as she often did. She was always so serious and always wanted to talk. He hated the way she knew him sometimes better than he seemed to know himself, so he rudely closed his eyes and continued playing, hoping she would leave him be.

“How long will you continue on this way?” He had no idea of how to answer her. “Do you think this is what Gwendolyn would have wanted? How do you think our mother would feel if she could see you now?”

At the mention of his mother’s name, he suddenly had no interest in playing anymore, and put the lute away, but said nothing. He didn’t want to think about her, as he missed her more than he say, and he had tired of crying. He had already cried his fill a hundred times over.

Suddenly she walked over to him and said in the most tender voice, “Will you not speak to me?”

Sometimes she sounded exactly like his mother, especially when she was trying to be kind. The way she pronounced particular words and emphasized certain phrases was just like her. Still, he said nothing and began to walk away, but she would speak still.

“I miss her too, more than anything. Yet unlike you, I try to make her proud of me, even if I cannot see her anymore. I try to remember how kind she was, how generous she was, and how lucky I am to have been her daughter. I’m still trying to be the woman she wanted me to be. Won’t you try to do the same and be the man she wanted you to grow into?”

He stopped walking, and with his back towards her, he was able to answer honestly. “I don’t know how.”

She had disarmed him by speaking so eloquently about their mother, and he could feel tears well up in his eyes. Then she walked up to him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder. She whispered into his ear, “I know you can do better than this. Don’t let him break you anymore than he already has. This family needs you. She needs you.”

Whether Frédérique was talking about Gwendolyn, or Francine, or his mother, he did not know. But he figured it could be true about all of them. “I won’t be here for much longer to keep this family going. It will be up to you to do so once I am gone.”

“I don’t know how to live with him anymore. He doesn’t trust me, and he doesn’t want me here. I cannot fight him anymore. I am spent.”

“So don’t. Stop trying to please him, and find your own path.”

He didn’t know what his own path looked like, or even what shape he wanted it to take. But he was too tired to look for answers just now, so he left her and crawled into bed. He was determined to forget everything she had said, but could not, and fell into a restless sleep with her words still on his mind.

However broken Frances seemed to be, others would not be persuaded so easily by Marcelle to give up on their friends. Francine had made good on her word and had obtained the newest letter from Gwyn. Did it matter that she also took the opportunity to speak with a certain golden haired boy whilst carrying out this task? No one can say. But she had done her duty, and would do it again and again.

“I got lucky this time,” Oswin had told her with a serious demeanor. “My mother told me that Gwyn has actually gone to see her sister in a village some distance from here. So I went and searched her room when she was occupied, and found this under her mattress, which is where she usually keeps my letters until she can read them. I hope you don’t mind that I read the map that fell out of it. I have made a copy, just in case we may need it.” He held out the letter to her, and the map it had contained.

“Oh, Oswin! I am so grateful! Gwyn has gone to see her you say?! And a map?! That is the best news I could have hoped for!”

But he did not share her joy, and suddenly there was a touch of sadness that clouded his eye as he said, “None of this would have happened if she had married my brother. None of it. She ought to have stayed with us from the beginning. But nevertheless, she did not deserve the treatment she has received from your father. He swore to protect her, not send her away from the only family she has left!”

His words panged her heart, as she knew it all too well. Her father had caused so much pain and suffering by his selfish actions, and it was a bitter pill to swallow. She had felt she didn’t know him anymore ever since their mother had died. She resented him for leaving them all alone to suffer in silence, and for bringing Edyth into the house to spy on them.

“I know. That is why I am here...to try and offer a remedy for my friend, and my brother.”

“I hope he goes to her,” he said bitterly. “Because if he does not, then my brother will.”

At that, Francine said her goodbyes and hurriedly walked home. She hastily read the letter and handed the map over to Frances. Curiously, she recognized the handwriting on the map to be that of her father’s, and was surprised to learn that it was he who had drawn it.

She told him everything when she handed it to him- that Gwendolyn was living on the outskirts of a tiny village far from their estate, and that Gwyn had gotten permission from Marcelle to visit her. She also told him what Oswin had said about his brother, but Frances was too full of hope to hear that part of it.

“Where is the other map father keeps? I must compare the two!” Without waiting for a response, he immediately ran to the library. He rummaged through his father’s papers and scrolls until he found what he was looking for- a professionally made map ordered by the King, which showed the area along the Humber River and all of the tiny holdings and villages surrounding it. He carefully compared the two, and estimated that it would take him just over five hours to reach her on horseback....maybe six. He hoped that if he left at night, it would be some time before his father found out he had gone.

Finally.

That night, after he had changed into a fresh pair of clothing, he took a long look at himself in the mirror.

What exactly had Gwendolyn seen in him? Did she love him because he was an heir? Or had being an heir made him easier to love? Would she accept him if his father cut him off entirely, as he had threatened to do?

Maybe she loved you because you gave her the very best of yourself.

And that was true. He had given her all he had had to offer, and shared with her everything in his heart. He gave her his true self that so few got to see, and she had given it all right back to him.

Can you live without her? Yes. But I would rather not.

He knew that if he didn’t go, he would regret it for the rest of his life. He had made her a promise, and he needed to keep it. His sister had been right. He wasn’t living up to anyone’s expectations- not even his own expectations of himself. And now that he could fulfill his promise to her, he must. He didn’t want to be like his father, and he didn’t want to be full of regret.

This was the path he would take.

If only she will still have me.

The hour was late and the cover of darkness was a welcome shield as he quietly walked out to the stables where he had hidden away his saddle bags and made ready his horse. He lead his stallion away from the estate and walked as silently as he could, until he was sure to be out of earshot.

It was numbingly cold, but so much was on his mind that the journey seemed to glide by steadily. By the time the sun came up he was already halfway there. It took him another three hours to arrive to the location on the map, which he assumed was some sort of Boarding House or Inn. While he rested and fed his horse, the biting cold began to numb him and he knew that he must press on.

For awhile, he thought he may be lost, because all he could see was a tiny ramshackle hutch in between a meadow and woods filled with birch. It seemed to be abandoned, but as he journeyed closer, he could see the roof was smoking and he could smell a hint of cooked meat in the air. Could this be where she was? Perhaps whomever was inside could direct him.

He trotted his horse closer now, and suddenly he was outside the fence, looking at a woman with dark hair and pretty face.

Gwendolyn.

She looked differently then he had remembered her. Thinner, but somehow more womanly. He whispered her name and she was looking straight at him. He could see the shock on her face, and his pulse quickened.

“Gwendolyn! Gwendolyn.....”

#sims 2 stories #sims 2 pictures #sims 2 challenges #new foundations

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lilytriestoexist · 4 years

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aeIin gaIathynius, queen of terra/sen colonialism

i'm sure countless other (and far superior) antis have already dissected this disgusting section but i'm tired and full of rage so let's get started.

[all the excerpts are italicised and taken from Empire of Storms by Sarah J. Ma/as, pages 1083-1085 (at least, in my ebook)]

“You could, you know,” R0wan said, his tattoo stark in the lantern light. “Take it [the world] for yourself. Take it all. Use Maeve’s bullshit maneuvers against her. Make good on that promise.”

hmm just because you can doesn't mean you should! though i suppose i can cut him a tiny amount of slack as he's been in doraneIIe/in maeve's service his whole life and doesn't really understand the consequences of colonialism, which the people of eriIea were well acquainted with due to adarIan's imperialism. still though, not off to a great start from r0wan.

“There was no judgment. Only frank calculation and contemplation. “And would you join me if I did? If I turned conqueror?”

“You would unify, not pillage and burn. And yes—to whatever end.”

that...is such an idealised take on colonialism. i get that he hasn't experienced it first-hand and probably doesn't understand the ramifications of greedy imperialist nations trying to 'unify' countries that never asked to be unified and don't want to be unified, but come on. does r0wan/sarah think the other eriIean nations would bow down and kiss aeIin's feet if she strutted up to them and demanded they join her empire? that's not realistic at all. these are independent nations with divergent cultures; they wouldn't just throw their lot in with terra/sen. there'd be fighting and conflict, and since aeIin's still got some of her fire gift, there'd be burning. though sarah probably would like to think that aeIin's just that good of a queen they'd be eager to be vassalised.

also, 'to whatever end', especially in this content, bothers me a lot. i know it's meant to be romantic and a declaration of love and devotion, but you shouldn't just follow and agree with your significant other blindly? if they mess up or say something harmful you should call them out on their mistakes. it's how people grow. validating their bad behaviour no matter what out of so-called love isn't emblematic of a healthy supportive relationship! if your partner suggests colonising other nations please don't go along with it!

He nodded. “But if you could … would you?”

For a heartbeat, she could see it—see her face, carved into statues in kingdoms so far away they did not even know Terrasen existed. A living god—Mala’s heir and conqueror of the known world. She would bring music and books and culture, wipe out the corruption festering in corners of the earth …

not only is this gross, this is also wildly inconsistent with the trauma she's faced in the past. first of all, this is such blatant idealisation and glorification of colonialism that i want to throw my phone at the wall. the fact that aeIin is even entertaining this idea, even justifying it in her head, is disgusting. music and books and culture? bitch, they already have their own music and books and culture. they're civilised nations, not poor barbaric cave dwellers just begging for their white saviour to come and show them the light. this is exactly the kind of mindset that led to western imperialism - white people thinking that other countries need to be westernised in order to be successful and civilised, as if they didn't already have rich, ancient culture and history that was ignored in favour of spreading western ideals and western power.

and more than that, as i saw another anti elaborate wonderfully on (i can't recall the @ but it was very great and articulate - edit: it was @bleeding-star-heart) aeIin was herself a victim of adarIan's imperialism. the king of adarIan wiped out terra/sen's royal family apart from her and basically took control of the country, bringing it into his adarIanian empire. all the trauma in her life happened as a result of adarIan's imperialism and empire-building. so why is she entertaining the idea of becoming a conqueror herself? it doesn't make sense and it doesn't add up with what's happened in her past. i am an avid disliker of aeIin but if her characterisation was consistent she would abhor colonialism (she's arrogant and powerful but with everything she's suffered leading back to colonialism it's not right for her to buy into it).

She said softly, ��Not now.”

“But later?”

“Perhaps if being queen bores me … I’ll think about making myself empress. To give my offspring not one kingdom to inherit, but as many as the stars.”

what's with this goddamn romanticism of colonialism?? 'as many [kingdoms] as the stars' FUCK. OFF. @ sarah don't use pretty flowery prose to try and paint colonialism as some sort of gift for rowaeIin's future super special progeny. the word choice is deliberating pushing a pro-imperialism narrative and it's so utterly disgusting. conquering other countries isn't cute!! building an empire for no reason other than your own greed is not cute!!!

There was no harm in saying it, anyway. In thinking about it, stupid and useless as it was. Even if wondering about the possibilities … perhaps it made her no better than Maeve or Erawan.

at least she fucking admits it lol.

also, i'm editing this to add that this scene could've been a great scene to highlight greed and arrogance as aeIin's flaws. this discussion of colonialism could've been used to characterise and develop aeIin. but it's a shit scene because sarah can't stand her precious aeIin having flaws so she, through r0wan, validates and justifies the idea of empress aeIin instead of calling out imperialism and allowing her protagonist to have meaningful flaws. also, this is the woman we're expected to root for to become queen of terra/sen. and at the end of the series she does become queen. my thoughts would be different if t0g had subverted the lost heir trope and ended with aeIin recognising she isn't prepared to be queen and giving up her claim to the throne, but it didn't, and so this scene isn't a character building, ending hinting scene, but instead a useless at best, grossly pro-imperialism at worst scene.

#long post #anti tog #anti sjm #anti aelin #anti aelin galathynius #anti rowan #anti rowan whitethorn #anti rowaelin #anti colonialism #anti imperialism

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