mildyly affected by an edible BUT i got really emotional thinking about c!tommy for the first time in a long time. it’s just…..he was just a kid!! a child!! and child soldier that was thrust into a world that didn’t want him and didn’t want him to succeed and all he had were his connections to his friends and his brother and all he wanted was to great a HOME!!!

ALL C!TOMMY EVER WANTED WAS TO GO HOMEEEEE AND HANG OUT WITH HIS OLDER BROTHER AND GET IN TROUBLE AND JUST GENUINELY BE A CHILDDDDD

like he sacrificed EVERYTHING literally everything he could to build out this home with the people he cares about safely in their own nation and he was still left behind or betrayed by everyone in the end so it was ultimately for nothing

he was a child soldier trying desperately to keep his family together and safe despite literally every adult character on the server being actively harmful to him and he was the one responsible for keeping himself together

like i think back to exile all the time and this might just be me reminiscing and wanting for that period in my life and that feeling back but i was genuinely so affected by exile, logging on everyday to watch as this child soldier slowly loses more and more of his will to live until he tries to kill himself, rethinks half way, and escapes to techno, probably one of the last people he could even think to trust

and god i miss technoblade, i think back to his stream and his videos all the time and am getting a tattoo as tribute to him and his contribution and i loved his content and god he committed!! like the dsmp was CRAZY in which the streams you watched were (for most creators) ENTIRELY in character and techno and tommy deserved OSCARS for that fucking acting like their confrontation at both the festival and doomsday was POWERFUL BROUGHT ME TO TEARS and outside of dsmp content they were so good together!! literally i was obsessed i watched streams almost everyday i felt so connected to people and to a community (in general terms)

i just, i miss that time. i miss the art and the fics and being so intertwined with fan made content for a plot line that while not always thought out was full of flawed characters and themes and motifs it was crazy

and while this might make no sense as i am slightly high rn i just wanted to ramble about dsmp bc i feel like i never got closure on that part of my life and i want to go back and finish all the fics i opened on an extra tab and never went back to read like i missed that era so bad and i’ve been looking for one like it ever since