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lover-of-mine · 7 months

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Fuck it Friday!

I was tagged by @wikiangela @disasterbuckdiaz @cowboy-buck @daffi-990 thank you 💜💜💜

Imma be honest, I opened the most recent document, scrolled down a bit, and just copied an amount that made sense lol, so have this bit of the eddie begins fic where they are being soft in the hospital while waiting for test results lol prev snippet

"Hey, no sleeping," Buck says, shaking him gently, and Eddie blinks, slowly looking around to find out they're alone again. "Sorry," he mumbles, eyes finding Buck again, "on the bright side, I don't feel like I'm freezing from the inside out anymore." "That's good." "Yeah," Eddie yawns, and Buck's eyes widen with worry while looking at him. Were his eyes always this blue? "Okay, am I gonna have to be annoying to keep you awake?" He jokes, but his smile doesn't reach his eyes. "You're never annoying, Buck," he says, blinking against the sleep that's now threatening to take over and something flashes on Buck's expression but it's gone before Eddie can figure it out. "Not what it seems like when you throw pillows at me in the bunk room," Buck jokes, poking his arm and he chuckles. "That's just to remind you that we're there to sleep." "A pillow to the face is supposed to get me to sleep?" "One can hope," Eddie mumbles, shifting around trying to get comfortable without being too comfortable, before looking back at Buck, worry creeping up his spine, "you know I don't mind the talking, right? I feel bad falling asleep on you, so if you're talking I'm not going to sleep, hence the pillows," he says and Buck's expression circles through multiple complicated emotions before he nods. "It's just harder falling asleep on the bunks sometimes," he shrugs and Eddie chuckles. "I know." "But I will have to annoy you into staying awake for now," Buck says, adjusting in his chair. "You're not annoying." "You know what I mean." "Still not annoying." "Not even this conversation?" "No." "You sure?" "Positive."

no pressure tagging <3: @bucks118 @eddiebabygirldiaz @honestlydarkprincess @watchyourbuck @captain-hen @giddyupbuck @try-set-me-on-fire

#this fic is mostly being written in cronological order #which is weird for me #it just has a 2 disconnected bits but it was just because the dialogue wouldn't leave #and dialogue is hard so if the dialogue is flowing in my head i need to type it down lol #but yeah #writing #fuck it friday #911 wip #buddie wip #the trauma fic verse #no but im kinda completely obsessed with writing this eddie #like he is SO MUCH FUN to get into #and im loving the way im circling around the fact that he's feeling something definitely NOT platonic while pulling him back before he gets #too close #and ugh #im obsessed with him #with them #trauma fic buddie are my favorites lol #i love exploring how close to canon i can stay while still pushing my view on the situation

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therewas-a-girl · 4 years

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Shipwrecks, Of the Wretched, de profundis ALL OF THE QUESTIONS

the

you think i will be intimidated by this BUT CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!!! *cracks knuckles*

Shipwrecks

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

this fic is written mostly traditionally tbh - its cronologically told, in third person and mostly from one pov which is (and will be) feclicity. however, i have changed my mind about a lot of things since i started the fic - for one, i want to incorporate the whole ‘unreliable narrator’ thing a lot more. i want to use flashbacks more carefully: playing with timelines in how cetain present time events triger past moemories that illuminate the REASON behind present time choices. things like that.

the real inspiration for the fic itself was another fic i read - I've Never Truly Loved (Until You Put Your Arms Around Me) by theirhappystory. And the fact that i read that fic ... while i was on a boat... while there was a storm. a small one BUT STILL.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Whatever Walks Here, Walks Alone - aka oliver looking at felicity in the lair. by itself this scene could fit anywhere from the begining of season 1, to anywhere in season 2. i didnt really write it with a timeline in mind. it was mroe like me pondering the characters.

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

i had a LOT of fun - unexpected fun - writing Diggle’s pov in teh whole situation. you see, when i started the story the first thing i wanted to figure out was where do i want the characters to end up in relation to each other - so that i could start the story with them being in the diametrically opposite spot! but then i realized that i also want contrast within the trio - and where oliver and felicity move towards each other at a glacial pace, john and felicty have a much more easy time understanding where the other stands. like... they vibe. and it had a lot o fun planing out that vibe - and all teh ways it pisses off oliver, in the begining.

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

To answer this i would have to go back and re-read a lot of what i wrote and plan to write, but there is a line that STAYS with me and its one felicity says.

so - in the show, the trio do eventually find out that the Gambit was sabotaged and did not just sink. Now - in Shipwrecks - this would have a major devastating effect on felicity, who was in the gambit with oliver and sara. And she is the one that has the hunch that moira was involved (i think this happens in canon too?) - and she pushes oliver about it. Bc ofc she thinks of moira as just another person. Worse even - a person who hurt her. At this point she is MANIC about it and it freaks oliver out. Like, take the natural defensiveness he has against the idea and add a fear that felicity might genuinely kill his mother, and you get him being very agressively AGAINST felicity following moira anywhere. and when felicity understands that oliver has no intention of pursuing a what she sees as a genuine lead about the event that practically ruined them as people, she just, shuts down, makes a disgusted face, thinks of all the ritch fuckers she’s known and framed and used and how they close ranks when their reputation or personal interest is touched and just, blurts it out.

‘you fucking people.’

5: What part was hardest to write?

all of it lmao. like WRITING IT.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

The fact that i planned it out and it has like, different installments and a whole journey, which is one of losing oneself, understanding that ones self has been lost, seeing vengence for that loss (aka giving in/facing the anger it causes), seeking freedom, going against ones impulses to build better ones, building relationships, mantaining them, finding ones self through small acts of kindness towards ones self, rebuilding ones personality

basically i wrote a journey about getting out of depression and grief, before i realized that THAT was what i was actually writing about.

7: Where did the title come from?

The title of the series is pretty straightforward: they were shipwrecked and now theyre coming back. 'above the vaulted sky’ is a line from a I am, by John Claire.

I am—yet what I am none cares or knows;My friends forsake me like a memory lost:I am the self-consumer of my woes—They rise and vanish in oblivious host,Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throesAnd yet I am, and live—like vapours tossedInto the nothingness of scorn and noise,Into the living sea of waking dreams,Where there is neither sense of life or joys,But the vast shipwreck of my life’s esteems;Even the dearest that I loved the bestAre strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest.I long for scenes where man hath never trodA place where woman never smiled or weptThere to abide with my Creator, God,And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept,Untroubling and untroubled where I lieThe grass below—above the vaulted sky.

It’s a rather sad one actually, but i read it as a poem about hope. About the dream of hope, anyway. And this need to be away - from what is known because at this point what is known is horrible and the only happiness the imagination can come up with, is to be as far from it as possible and alone. and that is very much where felicity starts out with. With her hope not being about peace, but an isolation in stillness because that is the only good place she can imagine.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

It did. I’ve been depressed and strugling with horrendous issues of self worth and anxiety since i was about 14. And i never knew. It literally took me turning 28 to realize what the fuck was wrong. And its depressing (lol) because its just so much fucking time that i wasted, you know. And i remember - like, when i was deep in my depression - i used to think all the time ‘I must have been a real life person once. Like, an actual person, with a personality, and likes and dislikes and feelings - but i dont remember her. I dont know who that girl even is, i woudlnt regognise her at all.’ It felt like some part of me had died. Like there was literal murder involved. Cause so little of me survived.

but it turns out, i have been this way - just less intensely (and in some cases a lot MORE intensely) since i hit puberty. i didnt die - i just got worse and did not deal with it at all.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

not really. not yet, anyway.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

im actually not sure that i do want oliver-felicity for this sotry. the dynamic between felicity and tommy is also very veyr interesting. and i dont really know where i will take them. especially in the first and second story, their connection is intense. but this is also part of teh slowburn - oliver and felicity, however it happens, its gonna be slow.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

how personal it is to me, and my experience. and the fact that, if i write it well, i might actually be sayin something.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

THE FACT THAT I HAVENT WRITTEN IT YET T_T

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

PHEW I have whole playlists i built as i was ordering this whole series. with songs that fit the mood, the direction of the storytelling and all.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

I genuinely want people to see this as a story about healing.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

i havent written all of it yet - but i did learn something very interesting about myself. that i have been putting my trauma into narratives to deal with it looong since i knew that was a thing, or i was even aware that i was doing it.

and on that depressing note, i will end this post and start a new one for the other stories lmao

#personal #shipwrecks tag #deathandindignitybedamned

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