#think ive done this a few times back in the day
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the new girl (preview)
on your first day as ateez’s new pet, they test how much training you’ll need.
this is a PREVIEW to a full length fic im working on which may end up as a series. not sure when exactly it will come out, but i wanted to post something & see what you guys think. since this will be a longer fic than ive done before, i want to know people will enjoy it before i spend a lot of time editing & perfecting it. so reblog & comment if this is something you’d enjoy and let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see in the fic!!
warnings: polyamory (ateez x reader), reader is afab and referred to as she/her, sir kink, discussion of bdsm training & dynamics, implied pet play, spanking, implied punishment
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[PREVIEW]
“We’re going to give you a little test, pet,” Hongjoong says. “It’s not to see if we want you, because you’re already ours, but to see how much training you’ll need.”
You nod in understanding and he clicks his tongue, already displeased. “The first lesson is verbal answers, it seems,” he says. “Unless we tell you not to speak, you respond to everything we say in words. Do you understand?”
You nod again, but realise your mistake quickly and squeak out a weak “yes sir.” Hongjoong smiles approvingly.
“Strip down to your panties,” he says. “Put them on the chair then come back to stand over here. We’ll see which commands you know.”
You breathe out a “yes sir” and do as he instructs. You turn away from the men as you undress, too embarrassed to face them but you can still feel their eyes burning into you. Your hands shake as you unbutton your shirt, folding it neatly before placing it on the chair as instructed. Your bra quickly joins it, then the skirt and tights until all that’s left are your tiny white panties, clinging to your hips as you turn around nervously.
You feel exposed, clad only in one flimsy garment and surrounded by eight fully-clothed men. Their gazes are dark and intense on you and you’ve never felt more vulnerable, but they look pleased, which eases your nerves slightly.
“Very good,” Hongjoong says approvingly, gaze fixed on your chest. You blush, hands instinctively reaching to cover your breasts but you think better of it before you do. Just in the nick of time, you think, if the scowl on Yeosang’s face is anything to go by.
“Smart girl,” Seonghwa chuckles. “Are you ready to start?”
“Yes, sir,” you say. He smiles gently and beckons you towards him. As you approach him, the others move to form a circle around you. You gulp, somehow feeling even smaller than before. Now you’re trapped.
“Right then,” Seonghwa says, clapping his hands together. You flinch at the sudden sound and you hear a few of them chuckle. With your eyes cast down, you miss the glint that crosses each of their eyes at your momentary fear. “We’ll start by seeing which commands you already know. We’ll teach you the ones you don’t.”
“Yes, sir,” you say.
“Look at me,” he says. You look up, meeting his gaze nervously and he smiles.
“Down,” he says.
It takes you a moment to register the command, and by the time you do it’s clearly too late. Seonghwa sighs, looking disappointed. He nods to a man behind you and before you can register it, five hard slaps are delivered to your ass. You yelp and try to lean away but the man snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you backwards into him.
“Disobeying already,” he breathes and you recognise the voice as Wooyoung. You whine and he slaps you again, this time reaching around to hit the front of your thigh.
“Don’t complain,” he grumbles. You breathe out an apology and he hums, rubbing the pink mark on your thigh with momentary tenderness. “Turn around.”
You turn to face him, shyly meeting his gaze and he pets your hair. “When we say ‘down’,” he says, “you get on your knees. Instantly and without question. If you don’t, you’ll be punished. So let’s try that again. Down.”
Desperate to obey, you let your legs give out, falling to your knees with hopeful eyes on him. He smiles, pressing a hand to your cheek and letting you nuzzle into it. “Good dog,” he says.
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please let me know your thoughts :) you can also send me an ask if you have requests but don’t want to comment! love🖤🖤
#ateez smut#ateez hard hours#ateez x reader#kpop smut#hongjoong smut#yeosang smut#mingi smut#yunho smut#wooyoung smut#san smut#choi san smut#jongho smut#seonghwa smut
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Eddie only gets told snippets of everyone else's Upside Down experiences after Vecna, like, the sanitized version. The story told by each person but omitting the most personally traumatizing parts. Which means he doesn't know much about Steve and Robin Versus The Russians. Not in its full, gory detail.
So he doesn't think anything of it when Steve has a day off and wants to hang out, just asks if he minds coming with him to Indianapolis. Steve says yes immediately because he just doesn't want to spend another day alone in his big empty house, even if it means several hours in Eddie's deathtrap of a vehicle.
But then they get there and Eddie is parking outside a tattoo parlor and saying he got a last minute booking with his favorite artist and that he's so excited to cover some of the scars he has from the bats and Steve can barely hear him over the fuzziness that seems to be filling his entire brain.
He lets Eddie guide him into the shop, watches Eddie and the tattooist make small talk, follows Eddie to the table, sits on the stool next to him, and tries to look anywhere but at the tattoo gun.
Eddie doesn't notice at first, too jazzed about the idea he and the artist have come up with, blabbering about how he can finally take his shirt off at the lake again. It's not until the line work is done that he realizes Steve's breathing has gone shallow.
He asks the artist if they can take a smoke break before filling the tattoo in with color, and he gently takes Steve's hand and pulls him out back to ask what's wrong. Steve's too deep into a panic attack to answer, so Eddie just puts Steve on the side opposite his new work and pulls him in close, squeezing him as tight as he can and just gently shushing him, running his hand through Steve's hair.
After a few minutes, Steve's breathing easier, and Eddie asks him again if he's okay.
"I'm fine, I just... I hate needles. Ever since the Russians drugged me and Robin. Can't be around them."
Eddie frowns, realizing this must be one of the parts of the story he knows they were keeping from him. "Why did Russians drug you?"
Steve sighs, pulls out of Eddie's grasp, and sits on the ground against the back wall of the tattoo shop. "Dustin picked up a Russian transmission, summer of '85. We translated it, found their secret base under the mall, and realized they were opening the Gate back up. But then we were seen, and to buy time, Robin and I let ourselves get caught so Erica and Dustin could escape and get help."
Eddie sits next to Steve, their knees bumping. "Erica Sinclair? God, that kid really is the most badass of all of us."
"Yeah," Steve laughs. "Anyway, the Russians beat the shit out of me, asking who do you work for and shit like that. Didn't believe me when I said Scoops Ahoy. So they brought in this Doctor and he drugged me and Robin to get us to talk. Just straight up jammed a big ass needle full of mystery drugs into my neck. Ever since then, needles freak me the fuck out. They had to strap me down in the hospital just to get an IV in me when Robin insisted I get the bat bites checked out."
Eddie runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Steve. I never would've brought you here with me if I knew."
"I know," Steve says quietly. "'S'not your fault. I'm trying to get better at being open about things like this but it's just..."
"Hard. Yeah. I wake up screaming most nights, and I can tell Wayne feels bad because he doesn't know what to do. Because he doesn't know what's causing it."
"Yeah," Steve sighs.
They sit quietly out there for another ten minutes before the tattooist comes back out to see if Eddie wants to keep going, and he glances at Steve, sees the way he's gone pale and rigid, and shakes his head. "Sorry, man, think we're gonna have to pick this up another time."
Eddie stands, grabs Steve's hand and hauls him to his feet, and walks inside, never once letting go of Steve. He sets an appointment for a few weeks from now, on a day he knows Steve is working, and they leave the shop.
The second they're in the car, Eddie sees the color returning to Steve's face, and he drives aimlessly through the city, finally stopping at a combination bookstore/cafe.
"Come on then, big boy," he says with a teasing grin. "I do believe I promised to teach you about Hobbits."
#steddie fic#drabble#stranger things fic#steve harrington#eddie munson#just a passing thought I had whilst watching Steve and Robin get drugged
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Werewolf Bites
pervious <- discomfort -> next stage of infection
tws; sickness , injuries , vomiting , violence, no use of y/n
parings: gaz x male reader (established relationship)
-> c/n - call sign
-> n/n - nickname
Fuck
You feel like you've said that too many times now.
But it was right once again.
The fluorescent lights were killing you as you squinted around the room your eyes landing on a blurry figure entering the room they said something something as they talked too your side.
It was all muffled you just stared up at them.
You probably look stupid now eyes all unfocused and ears still faintly ringing as your hearing came back staring up at them like a bug.
"..God you're probably too drugged up to even remember the past few days..maybe even too out of it to understand this again."
Again.
Hm.
You blinked as he came into focus finally.
Oh right, Kyle.
"Again?"
"..Yeah Lovie..nice to see you awake again you've been in and out of it..How's the shoulder..?"
Right the bite.
You could barely feel it really but with a quick glance at it and more colors of bruises than the rainbow itself, you guessed the drugs were working great for you to feel barely anything.
"..Can't feel it much.."
"..Good..they upped your dosage enough the last time you woke you were sobbing near screaming in pain..I..It hurt to see you like that.."
"..Oh sorry.."
He just sighed chuckled as he shook his head and gently pressed a kiss to your forehead as he leaned down.
"Don't apologize..You've been through so much..Mission was a success though..The guys have been checking in on you too.."
"..Ghost too..?"
"Yes, love..I still don't understand why you think he hates you over a small prank.."
You just whined huffing it was a small prank honestly but it feels like you've done something horrible, You could blame your anxiety or whatever the hell else is wrong with you.
But you blamed yourself.
"..Try not to think about it much..Focus on healing up.."
And focus you did.
A day had passed and you fever had gone down.
They took you off your IV and finally gave you the all-clear for a mostly solid lunch a sandwich, some apples, medicine.
Water.
You had ate everything else swallowing your pills dry.
You couldn't stand the taste of the water though.
Maybe it was just your tastebuds being weird.
Next day you luckily got juice.
Gaz visited when he could ill you were eventually back up on your feet with a still sore and off-colored shoulder.
You'd still have to get some checkups for it it would have returned back to its normal color by now you weren't that worried though you were feeling great really.
You were told to take it easy minimal training meant you were still benched on Price's order and your begrudging acceptance.
But there were pros the main being that now you were cuddled up gently with Gaz who carded his hand gently through your hair peppering kisses along your face grinning.
"I missed you so much.."
"You saw me everyday.."
"I..I mean I missed holding you..Being close like this with you.."
"..I missed you too."
God, you didn't know how you got with such an incredible man.
Luck? Pity?
Maybe both.
The day you confessed you honestly thought your heart would give out when he just giggled.
That sly man of course had to tease you he already knew the rest of team knew your schoolgirl crush on Kyle.
You weren't subtle about it.
Following him around and 'coincidentally' ending up in the same room as him.
Just being close to him made you feel all fuzzy, You didnt want to be seen as a creep but you just loved everything about him.
You both never talked about marriage but you'd give everything you had to be with him to please him the lingering fear of showing such love to him still hung around.
You fear you'd break if he left you.
Us.
"Love?"
"Mm..?"
Oh he was looking at you all concerned.
Why.
Did you do something wrong? You didnt mean too.
Please dont be upset.
"You whined..Is it your shoulder..?"
"I did..?"
"Yeah..you did.."
"Its nothing.."
You shifted as you sat up in bed ignoring the tug at the back of your mind to sit and stay.
Why were you thinking like this now?.
"Love..c'mon speak for me please.. Whatever ever it is you can tell me."
"I-..I don't know..I just..feel off.."
"You must be..youve been cooped up in the medical ward for days.."
"Yeah..I guess its that.."
You sighed as you felt him gently kiss your sore shoulder.
"Hows the shoulder..?"
"Sore..achy..but fine."
"Mm..Well thats better.."
He smiled, God that smile.
You didnt resist when he gently brought you back to laying down his hands gently glided his hands over your arms and thighs before coming back up to cup your face.
"Heh.."
"What..? Is..Is there something on my face?"
"If you mean the adorable look your giving me then yeah.."
"Oh hush.."
You both laid like that for a bit enjoying the quiet.
"Love you n/n"
"Love you too.."
a/n: hopefully this is good kinda of rushed the end
#cod#gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#gaz x male reader#reader#werewolves#werewolf au#hehe#kyle gaz x reader#kyle garrick#call of duty#no use of y/n#hehehhe
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whitney (design kinda mid but its alright ill deal with it)
#my art#dol#whitney the bully#will not lie while i was drawing this i was thinking about MY bully from elementary school (LMAO)#they do not look dissimilar. but thats unrelated and she wasnt that mean to me anyways i think we fought over classroom toys or something#we were good in middle school though#anyways what was i going to say#oh had to draw whitney full body a few times to be like. hey youre going to like this design. so thats where im at#looks better in cute style than my normal style though#ill have to figure that out somehow#also for the next few days probably no art because im going to do stuff and things :( sorry#but when im back hopefully ill be able to draw more but ill get as much done as i can 2 NITE#also THANK YOU so much for liking my OLD man drawing i posted previously#so glad everyone likes that design#when i was reading the tags i was like 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 YAY!!!!!!!! yippee!!!!!!!!!!!! <- like that#im not very good at designing characters because i have terminal fanartist syndrome#but with how many hours ive spend on this game. ive dug up something out of my head that people like#so thats cool
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my shitty mac sounds like its going to take off
#tma#my art#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#its chugging so hard and i barely have 50 layers ToT i just know shes on her last legs#that thing has been running since 2001 im surprised it still turns on every day at this point#anyways ive been working on this since yesterday so i wanted to finish it while my hands rested from knitting#ik if im too tense while knitting or smth but a few rows in im already feeling it#its fine. im trying to pace myself this time since it doesnt have to be done any time soon#that is to say: i started my tma sweater!!!!!!#the pattern isnt as wide as i thought so ill have to scrap the lettering on the back T_T its disappointing but i think its okay...#i have space to do it on the front i just gotta be careful where i place it lol#its supposed to be tape coming out of his mouth if that wasnt clear lol
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out
#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful .#ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time#i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll#and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done#i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head#it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months#i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon#if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general#like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider#literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up#ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs#i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do#also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags#i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho#anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all.#but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal#(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs#that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw#i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up)#i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly#i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG#mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes
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whoever decided that a mental illness should have negative effects needs to DIE.
#im. i cant do school work rn.#which is AWESOME if theres two seperate big projects that i need to pass due within like. three weeks. =w=b /s#yes unforts for me the same illness that makes me unable to work rn also makes me too anxious to function if i dont do shit on time.#a deadline in three weeks is unfortunately counted as “something you need to do NOW or else your life is fucked and you will fail and DIE”.#so.#sillyposting#its.#i know i need rest because clearly.#but. ive gotta finish it. i have to.#i feel like i cant allow myself to rest which will throw me in a cycle of unrest. instead of just resting and being alright in a few days.#really doesnt help that i have big stuff to do on thursday friday saterday AND sunday.#aint no rest for the wicked.....#god.#and i cant even play my viddy game bc i cant beat the boss im at rn its so bad.....#ive just been reading BL and i will go back to that once im done with tumblr again.#god..#why must we suffer.#stuff should be easy always i think#i will. ask for help. tomorrow.
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sometimes i forget about the chronic part of chronic pain thats crazy
#like for the most part you get used to it you dont realize how much pain youre in right#but ive been doing my shot for a few months now ! and its WORKING#which is great#BUT THE DOWNNNSIDE#im still on the lowest dose and now that ive done it a few times and its in my system#im noticing when its wearing off#like i need to do it this upcoming week#and for the past few days WOAH buddy im feelin the pain#im not worried cuz i can just start a higher dose#but its just crazy to like realize how much pain im in constantly#does this make any sense#idk#i think thats why ive been so tired cause its kicking me in the face#like imagine pressing on a bruise everyday for 20 years#like it would eventually just move to the back of your brain youd deal with it#and then you stop pressing on it for a few weeks so you forget about it completely#and then you start pressing on it again out of the blue#like the pain is Familiar and Manageable you just got so used to not having it it throws you off your game#tbd
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.
#not 2 be like. negative but i just kinda got hit hard by the way my relationship w my best friend has changed#dont get me wrong i understand that her girlfriend will be super important to her esp bc she lives across the world and is only physically#here for another 2 or so weeks#but my best friend just got back from a trip to another city to see an artist she loves and as she came in i got up to go see her and ask hl#how it was but she was in her room w her gf before i could and thats fine i get it and like she hasnt done anything wrong i can not#emphasize that enough like i hold no bitter feelings to her she is excited to talk to her gf understandably#it just hit me that like. oh yeah. i have no one else that i go to about literally anything but she does#and its less ab her so much as its. its just hitting me that i dont really have? friends?#i have one or two people but like. i only have One Person thats my go to fave person always tell them everything#and i just. I've realized that its not reciprocated the way it used to be#and that i think is just like a part of growing up#i dont have a partner i dont have someone my life is intrinsically linked to#like a best friend is great but its not. relationships are placed to a higher level you know like its jusy more important#and i just. ive nevr Had a partner really. unless u count a like 2 month thing when i was 12 which i dont count#not to be depresso but i am just not the kind of person that people want or desire#and thats been the case long before i came out as trans but its extra complicated now since i dont. Fully pass#idk not 2 sound sad i just wanna be loved#and i think theres only so many times i can hear the most important person in my life come home and talk excitedly ab things thru the walls#and then never actually get told anything myself. not just ab things shes excited for but just in general#we were meant to go to a house viewing together a few days ago and it was only half an hour before it was happening when no one else was#home that i messaged them to check in and they were like oh yeah we're not going we have this and this going on#which like. fine whatever but i dont drive and getting anywhere fast is hard so it just. was stressful#but it just seems like i am constantly out of the loop. everyone i live with is in a relationship w each other and i am just here#in every aspect of my life i am Just There and im tired of it#not to sound desperate or needy but i just would like to. be noticed? or feel prioritized? or even wanted#idk this is. i just needed to rant i think im emotional bc my hormones r a bit wack#im due for my testosterone shot in a few days but i dont have the money or time to go to the doctors lately so its being pushed back#a few weeks and its just. i think its messing w me a bit#i mean i feel this way literally all the time but just the like. the being upset and emotional and posting ab it i think is bc of that#idk i needed to get it out idk it this will stay up or not
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i think it's getting to be time
#for baldurs gate 3#i played for a few days in like September and couldn't continue#maybe ill give it another go soon if i can build the energy.... id like to#i made it through like the druids grove#and i was already running out of steam by that point#i think one of the last things i did was having to save scum the bridge encounter with the githyanki??#it was like what do you want me to do here ive done everything to this point and am still too weak to fight these guys#so i had to give laezel like guidance and bank on a good roll with the old guy i think#i can't remember if the giant spider cave was before or after that#i jumped down into the underdark and got a glimpse of it before splatting lol#love that the game lets you do that#dnds got to have like a featherfall type spell or effect sooner or later right?#anyways yeah sometimes i remember oh yeah there's like genuinely a new rpg for the first time in FOREVER#i wanna explore and experience it ;_;#well... explore whatever the dumbass patch notes writer didn't spoil?? they had spoiler markers but randomly didn't bother marking some??#that took the last of the wind out of my sails back then hehe#and i was already pushing it
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ive been meaning to do some proper cleaning for like a WEEK now and i havent yet and im starting to stress myself out about it.
#my room is so messy and i dont even know where to start. i swear it was clean like 2 weeks ago :(((#i need to shower and go to bed i think (5am) (planned to stay up cleaning) (didnt clean) (stayed up anyway)#i have 2.5 days left before i go back to work bc i took this week off and i feel so bad about how ive spent my time which i know is silly#but i really wanted to get things organized and i havent done that despite having so few responsibilities this week
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Ok though its actually kinda nice to see some of my earliest rps... 15 year old me just having fun 🥺🥺🥺
Might go digging more later. Don't rly feel like getting That into it tonight lol
#speculation nation#the funny thing is that back in 2013 u could still edit people's posts#which with rp i used that to delete old responses so that the posts wouldnt get too long#for the purposes of rp this worked WONDERFULLY so the threads wouldnt get too long on dashboards#but it's also kinda insane to remember that we could just... do that. change posts. fuckin wild Genuinely.#but ahhhh baby me's early writing... so nostalgic#i had 3 characters in this roleplay group. had a lot of fun for the time that i was there#since then tho i havent done any roleplay blogs on tumblr. only ever done one on one roleplays with a select few people#and dnd lol. which counts for the roleplaying aspect.#but for the Writing experience. rp was very definitely a huge thing for the development of my writing.#feeling a little bit emotional almost thinking about the many many words ive written in my life to get to my current skill#ten years ago i was 15 and just messing around with some characters i enjoyed#and now here i am with 663k words uploaded to ao3 and thousands of kudos across all my works#kinda makes me emotional. ive come a good ways since then.#and i have MORE PROGRESS TO GO 💪💪💪💪 i will keep at it. bc at the end of the day i just really love writing.
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#i was supposed to spend the last 2 days prepping and relaxing for the start of this big project tomorrow#but ive spent thr last 2 days frantically coding as fast as i could and focusing v hard to get a lot of bullshit done#and ive fixed things since yesterday. the changes i had to make were too too bad bc the thing that went wrong was so fucking weird#but it should be okay by tomorrow. knock on wood. but this does mean ive done fuck all to prep for tomorrow#so we r winging it bby. ugh. just gotta fucking pray that everything goes ok. pls let nothing b broken and let everything seal properly 🙏#i was also supposed to meet with my boss today. probably for her to make sure i dont fuck up this project but apparently their safety hood#was having an emergency... whatever that means. so im sure shes having a week as well. and im free to fuck everything up for everyone#ugh. im so. theres a certain point in burning out where youre not really in pain anymore. you dont really feel anything all your joy and#hope dissolves away and u just exist to be useful. and i feel like its easier to maintain that than trying to b happy#i do not advise that bc its a fucking miserable. wasteful way to live but i dont really have time to try for anything better#god. i really hope my measurements friday dont take a full 8hrs. i dont know if i can handle that. literally i would have stay intensely#focused with my brain being Interrupted every 5min so i can manually record data points. its gonna b agony#so that fun. but maybe it wont. maybe itll be great and fun and ill have a wonderful time. seems unlikely but ya never kno#lets not think abt the fact that having to rush all this is preventing me from being able to do all thr other bullshit i need to get done#to prepare for the future. future? what future? hard to imagine from the bottom of this pit im digging myself#sigh. in a few months i can leave this place and never come back. soon but not soon enough#lol i was literally crying listening to cold play earlier bc idk thats the type of music my parents would put on at parties in summertime#so it evokes a v specific mood. which is i guess me hiding away from ppl at parties haha#back when i didnt have to worry abt things so much and i could just listen to the frogs chirping and watch the fireflies#oh god. now my boss is asking if i reached out for help tomorrow. no. lady i would rather drink bleach than have to direct an undergrad#tomorrow. its 10pm im fucking tired. just let me be sad. did i reach our for help? no my brain is on fire#tomorrow is gonna b a long day ugh#unrelated
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Just finished 2 skeins of sleeve yarn and once again marveling at how little yardage im fitting on a bobbin with this stuff--each skein was 60 yards (55 meters). And each skein was a totally full bobbin of plied yarn (and my singles each took up a bobbin). Part of it is that its very airy (and bulky weight, obviously), and the other part is that my take up is not very high so its not compacting down as it goes on, but even so, it feels like a lot of yarn when i was holding it ! And the spinning and plying was only maybe 2 hours ! Bulky yarn is crazy
#so nice though#the carding takes a day or two so im never spinning back to back days which is actually kind of nice#and then i can get the spinning and plying done in one day as long as i keep the tension low (less stress on my joints that way)#and break it into a few sessions#ideally id also be using up the yarn as fast as i was making it but im spending most of my knitting time on that scarf#i moved the sweater panel to straights because i thought i would hurt my hands less#which it isnt but i feel like the reason for that is more to do with how unbalanced it feels and how i can never get the stitches#to sit at the balance point on the needles so theyre not trying to fall out of my hands#which i think is user error really#also thought i was getting lever knitting straights (i.e. the very very long ones) but i dont think i did in retrospect#theyre too short to press the left one into my hip while sitting unless i slouch a ton which i dont remember it being the last time#i tried lever knitting. so maybe i might have better luck if i actually got a pair of those#anyway its going fast when i can knit. and its Very soft and so satisfying to knit#excited to get to the front panel so i can do a design#not sure what though#ooh a beet would be really cool#dont know if i could render it in brown though... id like if it could be all hand dyed and ive never gotten a red#on the other hand could do my best to dye some yarn with beets and then it could be more symbolic of red than actually red lol#spinning#bulky sweater spin
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Welcome back to tumblr! Hope you enjoyed your break
It was very stressful. Ended up failing the marking period for English, but not by as much as I was failing before. Could still pull up the overall grade by the end of the semester.
#started writing a fic a few days ago. been a while since ive done that.#so far felix is very out of character but he's only gonna be the focus for the first chapter. plus i might go back and rewrite him.#maybe i should wait until the new chapter comes out tho so it's relevant to updated canon#anyway echos started brainrotting about chris in a /pos way so yeah a lot of my break has been rethinking old analysis#started to notice that he's a lot more fun if i get in the mindset that he's not poorly written he's just literally isaac's antagonist#also my siblings have been hyperfixating on DC so i watched a batman series. i think they're very disappointed in me for choosing batwheels.#snowy best vehicle#. what else#oh ive been doodling a nightmare design#been liking the idea of him and dream not being skeletons but dont wanna draw/write them as their canon human designs#because (if i'm correct) they get those designs at some point later in the story. and i don't want to confuse the timeline like that.#so ive been working on concept sketches for a less human design for them. ive also noticed that them being humans in canon actually#makes a lot of sense because the other guardians don't really have any connection between their species and it can be assumed that#whatever they are exists in the universes/multiverse they're from. so it makes sense for the twins to be humans because the utmv has humans.#. but i also like how they couldn't be given the human forms at first because of the lack of holes.#so the design im working on has gill/stripe-looking vents for the energy to come out of.#also gonna try to add little fire wisps into the design because i love their true forms so much#anyway i dont think there's been more that ive done. other than schoolwork. and watching qsmp.#oh i started working on an animatic. but i do that all the time. it'll be a bigger occasion if i finish one lol.#think im gonna still keep interaction on tumblr to a smaller scale because i wanna keep getting stuff done
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