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aquagenesis · 4 years

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so i just like. whatever.

whatever.

it makes me feel very sad when i see everyone i consider friends like, talking about how much they don’t care about people or friendship or anything like that. like it really bothers me a lot, i know it’s quarantine and we’re all fucking depressed so whatever it’s not like im saying “if you’re being introspective and i hate it kys” like whatever.

but it bothers me. it really does. it has always bothered me so much when people i regard highly turn around and do not care the same way for me. and i know that’s the human condition; we all attach ourselves to people and those people are not obligated in any way to care the same way back.

because i do not understand, if you are so lonely, if that is the reason you are saying “it’s not even like i have friends”, the answer is not to say “well it doesn’t even really matter because i have like only 1 friend and they’re on thin fucking ice”. like who are you?

i just feel like resentment in friendships is too common. i think it’s all too common we internalize this “nobody in life stays forever!” and then decide okay we will just isolate ourselves and give no regard to who is in our lives and well if they stay great if they leave oh well. you dont care? tell people that. tell people you do not care about them enough to put any emotional investment in whether they stay or go.

because i, at least, do not accept that as a terms of friendship. i am not going to continue to be your friend if you literally just are saying you do not care about people. like that is so selfish. that is literally so selfish. i dont care if that’s rude. you’re selfish!

didn’t it hurt you when you found out nobody cared about you? didnt it hurt you when someone first told you you’d never been friends, they were just being your friend because they were being nice? isn’t the primary problem you have that you’re disposable and nobody cares about you? so why? would you do? the same? to other people?

people on the internet and like in real life (cuz you know theyre the same thing) are just like. so fucking convinced everyone is out to get them. people literally will be like oh fuck this friendship didnt work out (which is allegedly a part of growth?) and then make it their personal journey to cut everyone off and never put any kind of work into any future relationship. and then they cannot even see all the work people are putting in, how much time they invest into worrying about you, how much emotional occupancy you have in their heads. if people are literally supposed to leave; that’s why you don’t care to put in the work, why do you get upset when people leave?

griping about people after the fact about things that genuinely are just minor inconveniences or whatever (they were boring, they were annoying, etc.) is just like. so why didn’t you tell them this? before you had to let the whole thing rot? why didn’t you tell them what they were doing so wrong?

is it because you knew it was rude? is it because you knew they wouldn’t react well to it? who fucking cares. you were the one being selfish, deciding you would “try to deal with it”, then realized you couldn’t because they Kept Doing The Same Shit You Didn’t Like. how is anyone supposed to know what their faults are, if we “all” have faults, and you yourself are not even aware of all of yours?

so instead of...talking about your problems so someone’s flaws aren’t the only thing you focus on, cuz it’s driving you insane, you just decide to emotionally check out and let whatever happens happen? you literally deserve to be alone, you self-absorbed fuck.

people are not obligated to stick around you. people are not obligated to keep being friends with you. people have a RIGHT to know what they are doing that is making you, their friend, upset. because people do not deserve to be cut off for something they DID NOT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE DOING and then have it be like, “oh fuck i’m a terrible person because i didn’t pick up on these subtle cues you couldnt fucking Stand Me.” that is not? someone’s fucking job? to know what’s making you so upset? oh my god???

and then it’s like people don’t stop, you feel like you’ve complained enough, but they won’t stop. surely, they simply do not care. so then you stop caring. you’re like okay, if they won’t change, they clearly don’t value this relationship. you’ll put up with it as long as you can, but “as long as you can” is like a month or two, and then it’s a nuclear explosion as you unload every nasty thought you’ve been steeping for the past [REDACTED]. who is that helping?

and then of course, these people run and hide behind “well this is why i need walls they couldn’t respect me”. THEY couldnt respect YOU? who was the one festering on wounds that could have been treated The Day After your friend came over got plastered and passed out drunk on your bathroom floor and then asked for a ride home when everyone’s drunk still? did that bother you? did you tell them, or did you tell them “no it happens to everyone hahaha dont even worry about it” and then get increasingly pissed the next time they come over and get plastered and wind up puking? because those. those are two different things i really dk how to make that any more clear.

it’s just like whatever for how hard everyone is for “communication” people will literally say that and then be like “oh well i. i cant communicate see it’s like. i just can’t do that it’s anxiety inducing if theyre my friend they should Know”. do you know everything that pisses YOU off???? do you not care you’re clearly losing interest and patience with people, and now they feel especially obligated to make up for WHATEVER IT WAS THEY DID you refused to talk to them about? why do you think everyone should cater to you, but oh wait, no they don’t, they should just realize You Don’t Care about your friends like that.

like whatever yeah. i did that. when i was fucking 19. grow up lmfao.

#🧬#this is a text post

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rqs902 · 4 years

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enyu’s mom calls him "公子哥" is he rich or is this a JOKE LOL and his mom is at a bar IM CRYING HAHA

i just get a feeling youku eliminated shiwei for dramatic effect...

but aw xue en crying over weihao and mxy saying star master kids are all worthy to lin mo

L O L i was gonna be like oh thats nice enyu’s dad asked about his friends, he’s really been paying attention but then he starts throwing these

L O L I SEE WHERE HE GETS HIS REALNESS FROM HAHAHHAHA

LOL NOW HE KNOWS HOW IT FEELS

omg xikan wanting to call luo zheng!!!! im grateful theyre still close, theyre doing such different things now

awww mubo !!! being all supportive and protective of zuo ye

hHAHAHA omg fan yu talking on the phone to renyu is so cute, so expressive with the gasp when renyu says they just recorded elims and then the AHHHH and OH MY GOD when he says he and zaixi were eliminated and the ALSKJLAKS and loud sigh when renyu reveals he just tricked him hahahaha theyre so cute omg can fan yu pls show up at the next perf, id die

lin ran’s “new world new me” im cry

lol renyu’s getting roasted by his team mates but at least they didnt really ditch him

what is this set up anyway? theyre given a mission to leave, so theyre allowed to run around... but not? who planned this lol youku......

LOL jin fan tryin to reason why theyll be ok going to guangzhou

did their group just get special permission bc director li hao?

hahaha ayyy zhan yu jumped first, you go child! not surprised somehow that he’d love it

lin mo’s group went to the same place? LOL but also they seem so much more under control LOL such a guai group

LOL WHY ARE THEY SO LOUD HAHAHAH i dont think ive ever seen people that loud on a roller coaster LOL

LOL why am i not surprised enyu is the one carrying xzx

i cant with xzx and his heelys omg

leave it to csp to relate bungee jumping to some great deeper meaning for zlj’s personal growth hahahah but good on the kid for going through with it. interesting that zixin said he sees himself in zlj so much

HAHAHHAHA THIS FACE

when reminded he’s the hormone representative his face changed so fast im crying

ycw is laughing his butt off and i love how it says “children’s playground” in the background

when ycw gets thoroughly ignored

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA OSCAR’S SSHHHHHHHH AND XUE EN TELLS HIM TO WATCH HIS “LANGUAGE LANGUAGE” HAHAHAHHA

i just realized theres an english speaking line in this group :’) syh, xue en, oscar

awwwwwwwwww them all planning to sing him happy birthday on the dot and setting it up so he can be at the top at that moment awwww thats so fun

LOL the way that oscar cursed his way to the top and is sweating so hard LOL the poor kid omg HAHAHHA

aw he can tell syh drew the card

LOL ITS OKAY OSCAR I STRUGGLE WITH READING TOO

get you a friend like ycw who’ll tell you that you can decide how to pronounce words right, just because its your birthday

struggling to read xue en’s handwriting LOL

HHAHAHAHHAHAHA HOW DOES XZX RECOGNIZE IT’S HUANG ENYU BY FEELING HIS PECS HAHAHHAHA

i feel the need to just say huang junrong looks so adorable in his bright yellow outfit hahah

there’s two types of kids in this group: hjr and enyu screaming their butts off, and lin mo and xzx wallowing in regret of their life decisions

hjr and enyu always saying its too short when the ride ends LOL

lin mo talking real talk over dinner about their feelings BC HES A REAL LEADER and knows how important it is to address this. these concerns are obviously very present in his mind, even when theyre out having fun to relax, and he’s still trying his best to figure out how he can help them and motivate them.

makes sense that they would include enyu interview clips bc hes surely spouting the real talk, but i think its interesting its mainly him and lin mo getting screen time.

enyu would be the one to speak up and say something when lin mo is trying to talk to them though. i think theyre both right though, im guessing lin mo is in part too nice, bc he doesnt feel comfortable enough with them to be as strict as he normally is, bc he knows they have reason to not be motivated and he feels bad for them. but at the same time, he brings up a good point that they themselves need to have their own motivation. it cant just be him putting in effort. and i HUGELY respect that he is telling this to them straight up bc its a hard conversation to have, esp bc im sure he wants them to like him as a friend. but i respect that he knows if they have problems they have to air them out bc lack of communication will be too costly.

momo is lucky he has someone like enyu on his team who’ll actually talk to him with real opinions rather than just hide in fear of disrupting the status quo. literally enyu is the one voicing that he doesnt want takeout and he doesnt want to stay up late, and other people agree, but the surprise on lin mo’s face just tells you that he wouldnt have even realized these are things that are bothering his teammates unless they straight up told him, and thankfully enyu did, bc lin mo thankfully is reasonable and willing to change his habits for the sake of the group TO HELP THEM. hes willing to do anything he can to help them, as long as they tell him what they want from him. huang enyu’s lesson in communication, dont let people guess, just tell them straight up

its interesting bc its clear enyu respects lin mo a lot, says he has the experience and the skill and the right to yell at them to get it together, but hes still not afraid to tell lin mo he thinks lin mo should be more strict with them. and then i respect lin mo for not backing down when being criticized and for strongly insisting that they need to put in effort themselves too. he cant force them to do anything they dont want to do themselves. they themselves have to want to do well.

lin mo is really out here taking care of his group of children and leading them and helping them and looking out for them and im just floored by his leadership yet again. i really hope they can pull it together.

lin mo is a dork and stanning him leads to mostly either second-hand embarrassment or disappointment. from qcyn to snzm, it just always feels like he’s being mistreated and taken advantage of and stepped on, and sad things just keep happening to him. but then he has these moments where he reminds you of why he’s worth stanning. why it’s worth waiting for something good to finally actually happen. and why he deserves those good things. its just so nice to see hes getting some appreciation and recognition for the things he does. at least youku let us see his leadership in action.

totally not surprised akey is there to drive the conversation for their group’s real talk time. tyger co-leader translates clearly hahah

LOL LI HAO TOTALLY FORGOT THE SNZM DANCE LOL

im like not surprised xikan’s group got the least adventurous adventure bc hes not afraid to show how serious hes taking this competition, but also somehow still feel like hes not getting better treatment relative to being number one?? maybe im just overthinking

honestly all things considered im okay with this being the debut group

i mean i love ycw and zry but i feel like this makes sense to me.

this looks scary lol lin ran wyd

but yea even the way they framed the cliff hanger for next week... why do i just feel like xikan is not being treated with the respect he deserves??

anywayyyyyyyyyyyy for 少年營業中

LOL gz’s impression of zlj watching scary movies sounds so accurate im ded

zixin is so adorable!! i love his outfit too ahhah

LOL gz’s sassy response to zlj responding when xue en says he’s gonna talk about a cute trainee with highly regarded visuals

why am i totally not surprised xue en didnt get scared but zixin got scared AGAIN lol

why do i suddenly get the realization that we hardly ever see ycw and zlj interact

it just feels weird to see them together even tho they obviously have overlapping friend groups lol....

poor shiwei isnt even here and they keep talking about him LOL at least theyre not even really roasting him LOL ycw and yzx too nice for that

im just DYING at the cto gege’s laughing SO HARD HAHAHA

and ycw’s face LOL

xue en’s laugh made this ep worth it LOL

wow should i be happy that lin mo is finally in the next ep of this side show, or sad that jin fan never got to appear and itll be the last ep :( im also excited to see lin ran again! wow its weird to think that snzm is ending soon, it felt like the first 7 eps were like a slow burn and now its a mad rush to the end

#rants #in which i get in deep enyu and lin mo feels

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