#they're not a dish where I grew up and I grew up with a ton of potluck church dishes
Note
daud ask granted: opinion on like, favorite foods or something? (serkonan home cooking?)
OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO
I am so glad you asked because I headcanon that he grew up with like... A mixture of his Pandyssian mother's cuisine while integrating Serkonan cooking as well!
I don't know but I sort of headcanon that there is like a whole community of Pandyssian migrants in Serkonos, I refuse to believe that Billie and Daud are the only Pandyssian people in the Isles. So his experience with food is quite diverse and personal, a connection to this Pandyssian-Serkonan community he grew up with in Karnaca.
Also before I get into the food discussion, I want to clarify that Pandyssia is a continent that is very diverse and has countries. They have distinct cultures depending on regions, different dialects, traditions, etc... etc... So for the sake of this discussion, the food he ate and the community of Pandyssians he mostly grew up with were from the region his mother was from.
I'd also like to state that I'm taking inspiration from Turkish food for this because Turkish cuisine is an amalgamation of foods from the SWANA regions, Mediterranean and Eastern Europe which I think is a good fit for the Pandyssian-Serkonan cuisine I want to go for also I want to talk about Turkish food
So, food.
Zeytinyağlı Sarma
These are basically made out of rice, nuts, and little raisins on the inside and wrapped with vine leaves (hence why they're called sarma which just means "wrap") and a shit ton of olive oil (zeytinyağ)
I was talking about this on Discord last night actually, but if the weather is right, depending on what was being sold on the Dunwall market, and how Daud felt that day, he would roll some sarmas for him and a few of his whalers to enjoy. Daud doesn't cook much, but he sure does remember how to make sarmas from his mother.
Karnıyarık
What can I say? They're stuffed eggplants that are usually cooked slowly to ensure their soft textures.
Daud's mom would make these during the summer, he still remembers the softness of the eggplants :)
Bamya
Okay so these are what they call Okras (Bamya), it's a vegetable that grows in West Africa and South Asia. These vegetables are quite?? fuzzy?? So not a lot of people like them because of their odd texture.
However, they make for wonderful summertime foods and are quite hard to find where I live (which is Europe, lady fingers are fine I suppose but they're so long, idk the ones we have in Turkey are a lot smaller)
So for that reason, it's hard to find these in Dunwall.
Kokoreç
This one is interesting because I do not particularly like this but I swear Daud would.
It's basically goat or lamb intestine wrapped around other organs and roasted slowly.
It's quite a heavy dish, but it's also very appetizing idk what else to add.
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haru kato hcs
- what is it like to be dating haru kato?
omg excited about this cuz i want me some haru content. pretty boi needs tons of love and affection. we need more haru kato content. i demand it!
requested by @beef-tomatoes : can you do haru kato dating headcanons. here you have the frog man🐸 < |> /\ the frog man says: have a nice day💖😌✌
requests open
__
first things first - congrats on getting this man to be your boyfriend because boy oh boy you gonna get the best domestic life ever
haru kato is a simple man with a simple life who knows his responsibilities so expect perfect husbando and waifu qualities
cooking for you is his favorite thing to do. he loves being able to alleviate your stress, especially after a particularly troubling day at work/university
he loves it when you cook for him too. it makes him feel special and his heart just soars. this man will not leave the kitchen just so he can watch you working your magic with ingredients and spice while wearing that dumb dreamy face. he holds himself back from sliding behind you and embracing you because you look so good with an apron for the reason he doesn't want to distract you but most of the time he just does it because you're too cute
if you know how to cook, he'll give you tips here and there but will leave you to your cooking majority of the time
if you can't cook, expect a full blown cooking lesson from him because he said he won't be able to cook for you all the time and he'll be damned if you always order take out or buy those just microwave packages in convenient stores
if your cooking turned out good, haru will eat seconds and thirds, complimenting you every now and then after gulping down what he was chewing. will definitely ask you to cook more for him and if you can't, he'll brush it off saying maybe next time but internally he was pouty because he wants more. probably thinking of marrying you already
if your cooking turned out bad, he will tell you it could use a little more work, offer himself to help you, but he'll still eat it because you made it for him aww. still probably thinking of marrying you
dates with haru is sort of rare. crime doesn't sleep and nor does he so most of your dates are at his place - just watching a movie and eating whatever he cooked
he always has to have a hand on you or an arm over your shoulder. gotta make sure you're really there
but if he does have time, he will take you out on a simple date that benefits both of your interests. haru won't say but he'll always lean more in your interests in dates because he feels so bad for depriving you of his quality time. this is how he silently atones, plys he buys you small and thoughtful gifts
remember when i said crime doesn't sleep nor does he? well, haru gets tired often. it was natural because of his field of work. haru will hesitate to go to your place because he needs some loving and some caring but doesn't want to be a bother so he calls you to ask permission before going
will want to sleep with you once he gets there but you force him to eat because he needs to he healthy to continue being a detective. he will grumble while you make him food but his heart is soft that you think about his well being
"my girlfriend is best girl" he whispers in a slur, trying to keep himself from falling asleep in the dining room while eating
will drag you to your bed after eating and will pull you down with him on the bed. haru will have his arms draped around you and snuggle in your chest. he will let out a content sigh if you snuggle back and run your fingers through his hair
haru just want cuddles with his girlfriend after a hard day at work. spoil him please
haru will be happy if he wakes up and you're still in his arms but will scoff if you are not. haru will stand up no matter how tired he still is and drag you back to bed to continue your cuddle
tell me haru won't try pranking you and feeling bad after it
head pats while saying "sorry babe, i didn't mean to, i'm sorry, yes yes, i'll be a better boyfriend from now on. come here and give me a hug"
whenever you two bathe together, he loves it when you clean his back because he can feel the stress go bye bye with your soft fingers
he washes your hair and he sometimes tries to make stupid hairstyles with your lathered tresses and you'll always rate them
most of the times you take baths together, it is nonsexual. he just appreciates you being there
but haru will slip in a few rounds whenever you two feel like getting it on
soft dom but probs hiding a few kinks
forehead kisses is his favorite because he gets to see your happy face looking up at him whenever he pulls away
haru is definitely a tease whenever you try to kiss him - lips, cheeks, forehead, neck - you can't reach any of them even if you go on your tip toes because he's tall. he won't bend down so you can kiss him because you look so adorable trying so hard to give him love and affection
he'll probably be the one to kiss you after a few minutes of teasing. he can't help it. you look so cute
gah his heart is full
when haru gets jealous, he is irritated. he will come up to you, an annoyed glare on his face, and taking your hand.
haru goer grrr my baby but i won't hurt you or anything because my baby finds it bad but i'm warning you -
when you're the one who's jealous, he finds it amusing
he smothers his grin when you get adorably protective of him
he teases you about it but hugs you after to affirm that this man ain't going anywhere
laundry days are messy, messier than when the two of you have food fights
you two keep throwing drenched clothes or bubbles or water at one another
haru is merciless with laundry throwing fights
expect a shirt thrown swiftly at your face with a resounding SMACK
this boy ain't losin to laundry throwing fights
you always stop by the precint whenever you can just to visit haru
he used to hate it because his coworkers always flock around you whenever you come by but soon grew to love it because you seem to enjoy being around them and you gain nee friends
he'll talk you through his work process and he's very proud whenever you go all ooh ahh so cool because he has an ego and loves that you are interested in his work as much as he does to yours
he tries to be professional whenever at work but he'll sneak in a few kisses if he think nobody is looking. but not you tho, you kiss him whenever you want and wherever you want
someone is always looking so he gets teased quite a lot by his coworkers and he gets all blushy and tsundere aww
hugs with haru are always tight knit. the reason? because he loves holding you, that's literally it
did i mention piggy back rides? no? well, haru doesn't do them unless necessary like you're super tired or got a sprain but jump on his back and kiss him on top of his head and nyoom you are now on a piggy back ride
haru is a huge fan of discounts and coupons so you always have to help him find the best item there is that is discounted or you have coupons for
you gave him a small notebook to keep all his coupons and his face just goes (⊙o⊙)
hand holding in the market while shopping. he won't let you go until you're at the cashier because last time he let you get some items alone, he ended up going to the intercom to call for you
"y/n where are you? i just told you to get a soap and find me at the dairy section."
but he don't mind tho because it's a good excuse to keep you close to him
arguing over which product - any product at all - is better to buy. sorry to say this but haru wins all the time. you swear, this man has a sixth sense for which items to buy
arguments with haru is . . . well maybe that's for another time
but silly arguments with haru is common. fights over who gets to clean the dishes, who makes the bed, which movie or series is better, which cop movie superior, which food to eat, who is the big spoon - but they're all fun snd games
haru will make sure to win as the big spoon tho because again, he has a hidden ego and his heart swells when he sees how tiny you are compared to him
getting drunk with haru is always a rollercoaster. he's a rambling drunk? well, you're the agree with everything drunk
"the floor is too cold. why is it always cold? i just want warmth and peace" cue haru sliding on the floor with a red face because of the alcohol. he's very at ease with you so being stupid and childish is norm for him
"yes, yes, i agree, the floor is always cold. bad floor, you're making haru sad" then you slide with him on the floor
haru turns to you "you don't make me sad"
you turn to him "yes, i make you happy"
you two are just a pair of drunk lovebirds
patch him up when he gets hurt in his work
he won't feel much pain if it's you who's patching him up
he doesn't why but that's that
kiss his boo boos he likes them he's an actual bab for you
haru will always bring you to work/university. it doesn't matter if he is late as long as gets you there
actually it matters that he is late. he just never tells you so you won't tell him to stop. that's why once you're out of sight, after you exchange goodbyes snd kisses, you bet your ass he's speeding through the streets to get to the precint in time (got tickets from speeding but he hides them from you but you'll find out eventually lmao)
since he is a cop/detective, of course he had a gun. he won't bring it to your place but whenever you're at his place or at the precint, he'll allow you to hold it, with him supervising of course, and he'll probably teach you how to fire a gun in a range
will catch you whenever you suffer the recoil of pulling the trigger
will pull a cheesy line like "falling for me now, huh?"
when daisuke joins the precint, haru is less than thrilled
since you always visit him and he became partners with daisuke, that meant you have meet to this rich bastard
and he doesn't like it because
1) he's rich af
2) he's somewhat arrogant
3) he doesn't want to admit it but daisuke is handsome
he is 101% fuming when he sees you talking to daisuke than him. his mind reverts back to all those times you always talk to him in the precint when in reality you were just talking to daisuke for 3 minutes
haru is overdramatic and
insecure
he's scared that you'll leave him for daisuke
daisuke has everything. money, looks, fame - he can't even buy you something extravagant. he's still saving up for your birthday, doing overtime and stuff while still buying you small gifts when daisuke can just give you the whole world with a snap of his finger
it'll eat him up alive
he just wants to spend the rest of his life with you but maybe you'll be happier with daisuke?
when you learned this, you just burst out of tears because
this baby is sad and scared of losing you
so you did something to make him assured you only want him and planning to be with him always
haru has always insisted that you move in with him after a year of being together
and then you show up at his place with your stuff and saying "I'll grab more of my stuff tomorrow so help me move in"
haru has never been so happy and excited that he cooked a whole feast for the two of you
you two gets stomachaches the day after
so you stay in his bed the whole day being lazy and snuggling
haru turned off his phone when daisuke was calling him because duh he's spending precious time with his lovely girlfriend
in conclusion, haru kato is whipped for you
oh, by the way, you and daisuke partnered up to mess with haru and now haru has one less braincell because it decided to be best friends with the braincell that always has money in its disposal
"she better be happy i love her"
haru loves you vewy mooch
#haru kato#haru kato x reader#haru katou#fugou keiji x reader#fuguo keiji#balance unlimited#anime#daisuke kambe x reader#daisuke kambe#the millionaire detective#the millionare detective balance: unlimited#fuguo keiji balance unlimited#haru katou x reader#haru katō#x reader#anime x reader#fuguo keiji x reader
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Aethers grand Halloween special! a wrath over the adults wallets! Pt 1 😩
"Trick or Treat!" Aether yelled, pounding at the door in front of him. The people of Liyue lacked the spirit for Halloween.
The door opened slowly as a grumpy looking boy peeked his head out of the door.
"... What're you doing at my house at this hour?" Xingqiu blinked, rubbing at his eyes. He was just like a big baby. "And what is the meaning behind your outfits?"
"It's Halloween!" You huffed. "Give us a treat or get tricked, that's how it works!" You explained. "And the outfits are for fun!"
"I have nothing." He spoke, quick to shut the door. "Please do trick me later."
Aether went back to pounding on the door. "You can join us, then! It'll be fun!" He announced.
The boy swung the door open this time, his eyebrow twitching. "You're going to wake up my father."
"Paimon promises your dad won't wake up if you join us." Paimon announced, a cheeky smile on her face.
The boy let out another sigh. Reluctantly stepping out of his house.
"You have no cool outfit." Aether pointed out before crossing his arms. "How disappointing."
"Paimon has to agree.."
"Do you think the Heir of the Guhua Clan walks around in his pajamas?" He sassed, furrowing his brows. "No. The answer is no." He answered before any of you could say something dumb.
"He's so grumpy when he's tired!" Paimon pointed out, eyes wide. "A.. Tired grumpy Guhua geek!"
"Your names are getting weak." You shook your head. Aether could only agree.
"Hey, why is he leading us? He won't know any good hotspots!" Paimon spoke, ignoring the insult as she pointed over toward the blue-haired boy.
"Heheheh, I am simply gathering new people to bother in the middle of the night." He explained, turning back to the three of you. "This is another Halloween tradition, right? Bothering others when they are trying to sleep?"
"... So petty! I'm getting shivers!" Aether shook, running his hands up and down his arms.
"Yeah, I could almost drown from all the pettiness!" You added.
"Wamin restaurant? Who are you going to fetch here? Pickup food?" Paimon questioned as Xingqiu made his way over.
"Have you never heard of Xiangling? I thought she was a world-class chef." Xingqiu sighed. Rapidly smashing the ringer at the front.
"Oooh! You know Xiangling?" Paimon blinked, "Paimon thought you were always busy reading some book!"
The boy fell silent for a moment before letting out a sigh. "I am human, as well. I need to eat."
"Oh, right." Paimon nodded.
It took Xiangling a moment to appear at the front, looking disheveled.
"I had to run over here! My ringer is connected to my clock at home, so I came as fast as I could-" the girl blinked as she processed the familiar faces in front of her. "Oh, what're you guys all doing here? A gathering?" She smiled, "I can make us some yummy Slime Parfaits!" She drooled.
"We are here to retrieve you for the night of tricking or treating others." Xingqiu interrupted with a smile.
"Trick or Treating others..?" The girl blinked. "I don't know what that means, but if I can find ingredients, I'll join!"
"Oh, you'll find some very sweet ingredients." Aether nodded, knowing her, she'd probably find a way to incorporate candy into her dishes.
"Sweet! I'll join you!" She smiled, skipping her way over toward the door, leaving her restaurant completely unattended to.
"The next place we're going may be to scary for thee flying dog, just a warning." Xingqiu warned with a smile, leading the group of you to a rundown cathedral. Much like the one in Mondstadt but in much... Worse condition.
"Paimon's not a dog!" Paimon protested, however, her words went unheard as she stopped herself right outside of the doors of the buildings.
"What's wrong, Paimon? Just a few more centimeters and you'll be inside." Aether encouraged.
Xiangling and Xingqiu pressed on further into the building without fear. As the three of you stayed back.
"No way Paimon's going in there! I'm staying right here!" The girl pouted, kicking her leg in the air.
"Should've left you to drown." Aether mumbled before walking further into the building.
"Hey! Stop being so mean to Paimon!" The girl chased after him in a flash of courage. You slowly joined them.
"Be banished from this world, and settle your soul to rest..." A new voice mumbled out, a random, yet long-lasting flash filling the air.
"Brrr, Paimons cold all of a sudden! What happened?!"
Xingqiu emerged from the shadows out of no where, a smile on his face. "Just a quick Exorcism." He explained. "Nothing to unordinary."
"Oh, just an exorcism..." Aether mumbled. "Just an exorcism?!?" He repeated, however more urgent.
A new boy appeared alongside Xiangling, clouds of cold radiating off the light-haired boy.
"Hello." He greeted. "I get a lot of reports of paranormal activities on Halloween. There's high waves of spiritual energy on this specific night..." The boy mumbled, "sorry for not getting to you sooner."
"No problem, it's only been a few seconds." You shrugged. Paimon frantically tugging at your spare coat.
"This should be my last job for the night. I suppose I can join you all." He offered.
With that, the six of you set off to the nearest, that you knew of- rich guy.
"Childe, open your door!" Aether commanded, pounding on said persons door. He knew a lot of people...
The door swung open, a brown-haired man standing at the doorway. "Heya. What brings you here- and all these other kids...?" He mumbled, his eyes combing through the number of children at his door.
"Trick or Treat!" The lot of you yelled.
Childe stood still for a moment before he let out a small laugh. "Haha... Trick or treat, right." He mumbled, slowly shutting the door.
"What's a trick or treat?" You could hear his muffled voice say.
You all stood outside of his door for a moment, waiting for the man to reemerge.
He returned to the door, with a smile.
"I don't have candy." He spoke. "Besides, why would you trust candy from a guy like me?" He hummed, eying the boy beside you.
"Just give us something." Aether spoke.
"Right, here." He nodded, handing Mora left and right. It was an overwhelming amount, actually. "Have a good night, don't get yourself into trouble." He warned before shutting his door.
"Sounds like he really wanted to get rid of us..." Paimon mumbled. "But now Paimon is stinkin' rich!"
"I was in need of Pocket Money for the night." Xingqiu hummed, causing everyone to glare at him.
"We get it, you're rich!" Paimon yelled.
"I would say we should stop at Zhonglis place, but he probably wont have a thing to give out..." Aether spoke, rubbing the back of his head as he walked down the trail.
"And Ningguang is to busy being her rich self." Xingqiu huffed, crossing his arms. Repeating something along the lines of 'dont talk badly of others'.
"Let's head to Mondstadt! They always have a lot of good stuff on Halloween!" You announced. "I grew up there, and the amount of stuff they give out is crazy! Plus, I know of a few people to bother!"
___________________
"Why does this place smell so badly of smoke?" Chongyun asked, his eyes scanning over the building he stood in front of.
"I don't know, but it's probably a good place to cook.." Xiangling drooled.
"Oh, that's just Bennett being Bennett." You grinned before approaching the door, knocking on it lightly. However, the door caved in, falling onto the floor.
What a flimsy door!
Everyone's thoughts behind you resonated.
A white-haired boy walked over to his door, simply picking it back up and placing it back into it's doorframe.
"Hey, [Firstname]!" The boy greeted with quite a big smile for someone who's door just broke. "I was waiting for you!" He grinned, leaning over to the right, picking up a classic pumpkin bucket.
"I like your hot dog costume!" He complimented.
"And I like your mummy costume." You smiled.
"Have you gotten anything good yet?" He asked, slapping on protection gear. His bad luck kicked in exponentially on Halloween.
"Some filthy rich guy gave us a crap ton of Mora!" You spoke, lifting up your bag so he could get a look. "You can have some." You offered, pouring a good amount of your share into his bucket.
"Thanks a bunch, [Firstname]!" He grinned, finally securing the last piece of equipment before he turned to the rest of the people accompanying you.
"Oh, are these new recruits?" He grinned, overwhelmed over the amount of new people around him. Usually, people avoided him like the plague.
"They're all people that're gonna trick-or-treat with us! Cause I'm forcing them!" Aether stepped up, hands on his hips. He looked quite proud.
"Paimon just goes wherever he goes because Paimon is bothersome like that." The fairy smiled, hands behind her back.
"Huh, alright, cool!" Bennett grinned. "Have to warn you though, my unluckiness might spread to you guys."
"Paimon isn't too concerned, I don't think anyone else is, either."
"Speak for yourself..." Chongyun sweatdropped. "I don't have a good feeling about this..."
Xingqiu let out a laughed as he shook his head. "Oh, dear Chongyun, what's there to be so scared of?" He asked, placing his hands on his hips.
Chongyun let out a groan of irritation before looking around the place. It took a while of walking to get here, so he might as well check the place out.
"Who are you guys?!" Amber's voice echoed throughout the place as she appeared out of no where. "You guys don't look like natives."
"Ever hear of tourists?" Chongyun sighed. "I was forced here by my friend... Who was forced here by your honorary knight."
"It's me, I'm the honorary knight." Aether spoke, making his way over to the both of them.
"Oh, I see.." She hummed, reaching into her pocket. "Take these." She spoke, offering some... Granola bars.
"Granola bars, deadass?" You deadpanned before turning away. "What a let down.. Last year you gave me a crapton of candy..."
"Well, this isn't last year! And I'm on a budget here!" She huffed, her lips settled on a pout.
"Whatever... I bet Diluc and Kaeya have a ton of candy and are competing on who has the most because of their undying sibling rivalry!" You grinned, hopping away from the rest of the group.
"Hold up, [Firstname]!" Bennett called out, rushing after you to only end up rolling down the stairs. Thank God for protection gear....
_____________
Diluc, of course, was attending the bar. Cause he never had anything better to do, and Kaeya was off in the corner, being kind of creepy...
"I forgot it was Halloween." Diluc sighed, crossing his arms at the sight of the children pouring into the room.
"Just like how you forgot about fathers legacy." Kaeya smiled, his voice loud so everyone in the damn place could hear it.
"Damn you.." Diluc seathed, furrowing his brows. "Did you remember what day it was today?" He asked.
"Of course I did." The man smiled, standing up from his seat. "I'm not quite the slacker you are." He boasted.
"Then hand us our candy." Aether demanded. Holding out his bag.
"Yeah!" Bennett grinned. "If you don't mind..." He added on sheepishly.
"Of course..." Kaeya coughed, looking around the area. Snatching a bag of candy someone had left behind while they went to the restroom.
"Here... Share it between all of you.." He smiled, pouring a generous amount into the bags being held in front of him.
"A witch, a mummy, a cat and a hot dog... How....." He looked off to the side, "original..."
Silence filled the air for a moment before he changed the subject. "And... Who are these three? What are their costumes?" He asked, attention on the three people forced to come over here.
"I am Xingqiu... And my costume is... Ready for bed." He bowed awkwardly.
"Chongyun... I'm a... Sumo wrestler..." The light-haired boy blinked sheepishly.
"I'm Xiangling and I'm... I'm..." She grumbled, scowering her brain for an idea. "I'm a pirate!"
Kaeyas uncovered eye widened. "A pirate...?" He asked quietly, analyzing the girls outfit.
"Uh oh.." Paimon sighed, "she's gonna get caught!"
"That's an interesting view on pirates you have..." Kaeya nodded, quickly placing the bag back down as the owner had made their way over.
"Have a nice night, children." He smiled, waving at the lot of you.
"You didn't remember Halloween for shit." Diluc coughed, causing Kaeya to look over at him.
"Of course I did."
________________
"Fischl? What are you doing out here, I thought you said you were going to stay indoors tonight?" Bennett asked the blonde girl as she walked down the steps from the Adventurers Guild.
"Haha... That was Oz, silly child." The girl lied, laughing into her hand.
"I'm right here," Oz spoke, his voice was pretty deep.
Fischl let out a puff of air as she crossed her arms. She was so close to committing animal cruelty right then and there.
"... That was a few hours ago... Now is now..." She explained with a cough. Looking to the side.
"So then... You can join us in trick-or-treating now?" Bennett asked.
"Hah! Trick-Or-Treating... Why would I do something so childish?" She scoffed.
"Yes, oh so childish of you to have a bag full of candy, right?" Xingqiu hummed, his gaze fixated on the bag she held.
"Oh, this?" She laughed, draping it over Oz in an instant. "He's a big fan of candy... To bad because I'm giving the candy out..." She lied.
"Oh, great! Can we have some?" Aether asked with a smile. Of course, he knew that she was lying, but like... He really wanted candy.
"Um, haha... Right..." She nodded, "only one for each person... Monstadt has... A lot of people..." She hummed, handing out a single piece to everyone.
"How generous." Xingqiu sighed, stuffing the thing into his pocket. "I hate smarties." He grumbled.
"I don't get a lot of free stuff, Halloween is the coolest!" Bennett smiled. "So is my birthday... But that comes every four years... If you think about it, I'm only like... Four years old..."
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin bennett#genshin xingqiu#xingqiu#genshin fischl#aether#lumine
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I'm confused did you get kidnapped??? Or why are you stuck there for 5 years?
No, not kidnapped but a really messed up, fubar situation and I'm sorry if it's been vague so far, I'm going to tell the story from the beginning with the context and all, I just literally am in the thick of it right now so I both can't really get online cos I have 253536363663 things to deal with and I'm so, so so so sick and exhausted and in pain.
Basically my husband and I got tricked into a situation where we ended up being threatened and extorted... this business they run, they needed his help so they made an agreement to pay him his hourly rate plus benefits and since I was so sick at the time (and there's a ton more context I'm sorry I'll add later) they talked us into moving into the spare rooms in their house, we were supposed to have autonomy and get our own private entrance etc but- they lied. Big time, they screwed us over and got us into a situation where they kept demanding he work all the time, but kept putting off paying, then it started to become hostile and legit like in a movie, and when we'd asked about getting paid they'd get mad, retaliate in all sorts of messed up ways, harassed abused violated stole from went through our mail, garbage, boxes in storage, everything, just hard core messed up stuff; but threatened us we couldn't say anything or they'd evict us which would ruin our ability to get any kind of rental or anything again; while also they kept saying to just wait a little longer, a giant paycheck was coming, just around the corner, oh next month, oh the beginning of the year etc- we got stuck and I being disabled to the point of bedridden lived like in a dorm room like they're so hostile we would never be able to use common areas; we could not use the kitchen at all no cooking no fridge couldn't store food bc we discovered that Jeanette will foul anything you leave out with her bodily fluids like she will, as she says (and she's a bona-fide, actual psychopath; she brags about this stuff she does) she will stick her finger into her "fanny" (we do not know to this day if that means the front or back) and then into any open food. Or pee into dishes before a person uses them, etc. Yeah so- we ended up confined in one room, trying to work up a way out except they'd made it impossible to just move out to a new place now without a rent/income/employment history we couldn't use them, we signed up for everything possible for housing, been on the wait list for years... confined in there literally I did not feel safe leaving the room even to just go to the car to go to an appointment, without them being gone and hubs with me; I didn't feel safe changing or showering or anything like that without him home bc turns out Bill Bryant is a major creepy sexual harasser who had literally just gotten away with a bunch of complaints from his employees bc it was before #metoo and he's an old white man who owns a business so... yeah. And right away I experienced that shit, and Jeanette on the first day helping herself to my things like... I didn't know her, it felt so violating and it got SO bad and just yeah. Been stuck and they'd even do stuff like since I'd stay in the room, sneak up in the hallway all the time and lean up against my bedroom wall to listen in; sometimes they'd creepily talk to me through the wall or tap or drag nails along the wall at like 3AM... and I was stuck. We were held hostage in a sense, they kept saying they were going to pay and the debt they owe grew very big; threatened that if we moved we'd never see it and if we gave them any trouble they'd evict us and we'd never see it. Then they decided to just try to evict anyway and claim they don't owe anything bc "that was a long time ago" dhdgzifizgjzgjgx it's there's so much more SO much more I'm worried about posting this without full context so please just know that
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You're awesome for doing this again! How about: Clarke is internet crushing on a food blogger and flirts with him over the comments, but he doesn't put his real name online and she has no idea what he looks like. ALSO, she's real life crushing on her BFF's brother Bellamy. Surprise - they're the same person. (please and thank you, I love all of your work!!)
Not to be completely shallow or anything, but Clarke starts reading Grumio’s blog because of a screenshot of his hands.
His hands are the only parts of his body that are really visible on any part of his website, but they’re more than enough for her to decide to follow up on him. She’s always had a thing for hands, and Grumio’s are basically perfect. Clarke is aggressively here for smart boys with perfect hands who know how to cook.
Granted, he knows how to cook in the dorkiest way possible, but Clarke’s kind of into that too. She likes people who are passionate and dedicated, regardless of what the passion is for or the dedication is to.
Unless it’s passion about racism or something. Fuck that.
But Grumio is passionate about Roman cooking. Well, okay, he seems to be passionate about Roman culture in general, but the focus of his blog is on researching and recreating historical cuisine using period-appropriate ingredients and tools. It’s not really the kind of thing Clarke is usually into but, again, he has amazing hands. Every once in a while, he’ll do a video, and even though he just plays music in the background instead of speaking, they’re still pretty much her favorite thing to watch.
And, yes, she knows how sad that is. But Grumio is interesting. He’d have to be, to have gotten the following he has. He’s a popular internet dork who cares deeply about history. She’s not the only one who thinks he’s cool.
Which is probably why she decides to tell Bellamy about him.
There is an irrational part of Clarke that feels wrong, talking to Bellamy about Grumio. After all, Grumio is her internet crush, and Bellamy is her real-life crush, and it feels as though talking about one to the other is crossing the streams. But Bellamy teaches Latin, so she’s brought him up a couple times in her comments to Grumio, and it seems only logical to bring Grumio up to him.
If she’s honest, it’s felt logical for a while, but she was putting it off, and Bellamy reminds her of exactly why as soon as she does it.
“Have you heard of Cooking with Grumio?” she asks, and he frowns in a way that suggests less that he isn’t familiar with the blog and more that he’s confused she that she is.
“Have you?”
“No, I put together a random string of syllables and hit a real thing. You know about it?”
“I’m a Latin teacher,” he says, voice gently teasing. “My students have mentioned it once or twice.”
“Okay, yeah. I probably should have seen that coming.”
“I appreciate the head’s up anyway.” He takes a drink of his beer, and Clarke’s worried it’s going to turn into an awkward silence, but instead it turns into an awkward question. “How did you find it?”
“How does anyone find anything on the internet? I followed a link and liked it enough to add it to my bookmarks.”
“Oh wow, it’s on your bookmarks,” he teases. “That’s the real sign of internet dedication.”
“What, do you not like it?”
He shrugs. “It’s cool, I guess. I approve of anything that’s educational but tricks kids into thinking it’s fun. I just didn’t think it would be your thing.”
“He’s a good writer,” she says, trying to be just as casual. “And it’s interesting. Just because I’m not an ancient Rome enthusiast, it doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a cool project.”
“I guess so. Well, thanks for letting me know about it.”
“Even if I’m the thousandth person to tell you.”
He smiles; the expression looks a little off to Clarke, but she can’t really figure out why. It’s not like they’re really friends. Clarke is friends with Octavia, and Octavia is close to her brother. They see each other a few times a month, and Clarke tries very hard to not be into him, because, again, Octavia is close to her brother. There’s nothing inherently wrong with dating a friend’s sibling, but given how Octavia and Bellamy grew up, it’s more like dating a friend’s surrogate father figure. Which is definitely a little weird.
None of which matters, because Bellamy’s not interested in her anyway. He’s just an incredibly attractive person she hangs out with sometimes, and they end up talking mostly by default. Everyone else is kind of paired off.
“Hey, you could always hit the Latin thing I haven’t heard about. Stranger things have happened.”
“Are there Latin things you don’t know about?”
“If there are, I wouldn’t know, so–”
She laughs. “So I’ll let you know if I find any other cool blogs.”
“Yeah, I’d appreciate it.”
*
Comments on post You Asked, Grumio Drank Until He Was Okay With It: Time to Bake Bread
Sea Geez Have you seriously never made bread before???
GrumioDon’t judge, I’m not much of a baker.
Sea GeezReally? Why not? Baking is basically all I’m good at.
GrumioI don’t know. It seems boring. I like trying to figure stuff out, and when I’m baking, I basically have all the answers. Add this much, and if you add any more, you fuck it up.
Also, yeast weirds me out.
Sea GeezYeast weirds you out?
GrumioIt’s ALIVE.
Sea GeezYou eat meat. You know what meat is, right?
GrumioAnd in a life or death situation, I’d probably be fine killing my own food. But I still feel bad for yeast.
Sea GeezThat’s actually kind of adorable.
GrumioThanks, I try.
*
“So, uh, did you see that Grumio post about Saturnalia?” Bellamy asks. He sounds so profoundly awkward, she can’t help smiling.
“Are you trying to make conversation? Because you’re a lot better at it when you’re not trying. That was so awkward.”
“Thanks. I was just curious. I thought it was pretty cool.”
“Yeah, I liked it too. If I were better at cooking, I might try some of it out.”
“Really?”
“I feel weird reading a food blog where I never try to make any of the recipes. Like I’m missing out.”
He rubs the back of his neck, looking oddly nervous. “I’m not a bad cook,” he offers. “If you ever found one you really wanted to try, I could probably help out.”
It’s the first time he’s ever made any offer to hang out with her one-on-one, which is simultaneously awesome and kind of–suspect. Which is ridiculous, obviously. She and Bellamy are friends. There’s nothing at all suspicious about his offering to help her with cooking. That’s a normal, friendly thing.
“Have you made any yourself?”
“Again, Latin teacher. I do them all the time for school events. The kids love seeing stuff they recognize from Grumio, honestly.”
“So, do you have any favorites? Anything you want to show me?”
“I could probably come up with something. I won’t be offended if you don’t want to,” he adds.
He’s so nervous. About offering to cook for her, of all things.
If it’s suspicious, it’s the best kind of suspicious.
“No, that would be awesome. Was there something in the Saturnalia post you thought would be good? Anything you recommend?”
“The Roman cheesecake balls looked pretty cool. I could probably come up with something else to go with them.”
“A full Grumio meal?”
He smiles a little. “That’s the idea.”
*
Comments on post Walk Like an Egyptian, Drink Like a Roman
Sea GeezTop three recipes you’ve ever made?
GrumioThat’s like asking me to pick my top three children.
Sea Geez1. Is it?2. How many children do you have?
GrumioI see your transparent attempt to trick me into giving out demographic information and I’m not falling for it. But good effort. Here are some of my favorite recipes for your effort.
*
Clarke’s never actually been to Bellamy’s apartment, but when she told him about the incredibly sorry state of her kitchen, he invited her over to his place instead. There is something of a datelike feeling to the whole evening, and she’s doing her best to not read into it. After all, they’re already friendly, and this is a logical way to take it a step further to being actual friends.
It’s not a date. Definitely not a date.
When she knocks on the door, he just calls, “It’s open!” and when she goes in, she finds him in the kitchen, apparently reviewing his giant pile of ingredients.
“Wow. You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”
“It’s no trouble.”
She makes a show of looking at his crowded counter tops. “Yeah, that’s just clearly a lie. You went to a ton of trouble.”
“I saved the receipts, you said you’d Venmo me.”
“Yeah, but–it’s still a lot of effort. Not just money.”
“I like cooking,” he says, with a shrug. “I don’t mind.”
“You say that now, but you haven’t seen how shitty I am at cooking yet.”
“You can’t be that bad,” he says, with the confidence of someone who has never witnessed her in the kitchen.
“Don’t jinx it,” she says. “What am I doing?”
It should be unspeakably awkward, being not just alone with Bellamy, but in his kitchen, but to Clarke’s surprise, it’s actually pretty fun. He really is a good cook, obviously familiar with not only cooking in general, but all the recipes he’s showing her. And even though she’s about the farthest thing possible from an expert, Bellamy is mostly patient, and at least amused when she fucks up.
The two of them agreed on a menu without much trouble, and it is cool, seeing the dishes she’s seen online come together in real life.
And as she watches him chop some herbs, she realizes exactly how much what she’s watching resembles what she’s seen online. Her jaw drops, and before she can think it through, she says, “Holy shit, you’re Grumio.”
He freezes. “What?”
There’s no going back, so she just has to plow forward. “I recognize your hands.”
“My hands?” he asks, incredulous.
She should have noticed before, honestly. Of course Bellamy has nice hands, he always has. She’s caught herself on more than one occasion watching the way he gestures when he talks, but it’s hard to really identify someone from their hands alone. It’s seeing the way they look in action, cooking, that’s so familiar, and somehow she’s sure. Bellamy’s list of dishes was very similar to the one she proposed. He was always a little shifty about the whole thing. It makes sense, for all it feels impossible. Grumio could be anyone, but somehow, he’s Bellamy.
“I was going to tell you,” he says, slumping.
“When?”
“When I figured out how. I didn’t think anyone I knew actually read it. O mentioned it once but just, you know, she saw a link.”
“So no one knows?”
“You know.”
“No one else.”
He shrugs, a little awkward. “I didn’t want my students to know, so it just seemed easier to not tell anyone.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Fuck, I can’t believe you recognized my hands. I didn’t think they were that special.”
“Maybe I’m just a big fan.”
“Are you? Do you comment or anything?”
Part of her wants to lie, but he easily could have denied his own identity, so it’s only fair. “Yeah, um. Sea Geez.”
He stares at her, and then starts laughing. “Holy shit. Seriously?”
“What?”
“You’re my favorite commenter.”
A warm glow of pride fills her chest. “Well, you’re my favorite Roman food blogger.”
“Thanks.” He turns his attention back to the chopping, deliberate. “This was, uh. The best way I could figure out to use it as a pickup. If I’d know you were Sea Geez I would have just asked you out, honestly.”
“Really?”
“You were definitely flirting with me.”
“You were definitely flirting back!”
He grins. “I was. So—did this work?”
“This?”
He gestures to his kitchen. “First date.”
“Does Octavia know it’s a first date?”
“Fuck, she always knows when I have a crush. It’s the world’s most annoying super power. She knows.”
“Then yeah,” she says. “Anything would have worked, honestly.”
“Awesome. Go check the meat, will you?”
“Romantic,” she teases, and he just raises one shoulder, smiles.
“I thought so, yeah.”
*
Comments on post First Anniversary Dinner for Poppaea
Helen of Troy, NYWow, that’s a really nice spread!! Poppaea is a very lucky woman. I hope she appreciates you ;)
GrumioYeah, don’t worry, I’m pretty sure she does.
Sea GeezWell, who wouldn’t?
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