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stevenuniversallyreviews · 4 years

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I don’t need you to love me, I love me

I’m gonna miss writing about Pearl.

As the loneliest Crystal Gem, a loyal servant who became a fierce ally, then a spurned lover, then a grieving survivor, Pearl’s story is about discovering who she can be on her own terms. Like Steven, she believes that her value comes from being valued, but unlike Steven, she was literally programmed this way and has an even harder time breaking loose, so she starts off at the toxic level of selfish selflessness that threatens to consume him, directed towards someone who’s been dead for years. She defines herself by her relationships, but struggles with all of them because she only understands a dynamic where one person is superior and the other is inferior; as such, her life is an endless evaluation of whether she’s worse or better than the people around her, thus whether she should be deferential or condescending. Her problem goes beyond not knowing how to develop loving relationships with equals: she doesn’t know how to love herself.

But she changes her mind.

“We need to talk about us.”

The first act of Change Your Mind (which lines up nicely with its first quarter) sets the stage with Blue and Yellow both converting to Steven’s cause, and while compelling, it’s appropriately intense. That intensity gets even higher as the episode continues, but this is still a big finale, so it’s about damn time for some fanservice.

After a quick “go to your rooms” to reinforce that White Diamond is the Diamonds’ mother more than their older sister, Connie gets the body part pun train rolling: “face-off” will soon be followed by “did you have a hand in this?” and “lend me a hand” (which earns a chuckle from Blue), Pink’s legs succumb when Steven takes a knee, and getting into White’s head becomes the primary goal of the second act (so all of this second quarter and most of the third). Still, the levity seems fleeting before two glints in the sky bring us the one-two punch of Bismuth leading the charge and Lapis and Peridot showing off their threads.

Bismuth fits right in as the leader of the B-Team, as beyond her seniority she’s clearly more competent at running a show than the other two (see: The New Crystal Gems). But her reverse electric guitar soon cedes to a glorious harmony of Lapis and Peridot’s themes as we see their new forms: Lapis gets pants and sandals, and Peridot gets ridiculous shades and a trashcan lid, the perfect adaptation of Static’s saucer for the Crystal Gems’ resident raccoon. Peridot goes ham with three stars, while Lapis wears a subtle dark blue variant that includes all five points if we count her legs. For a moment, everything is right in the world.

Their timing couldn’t be better, and not just because we need some stress relief. Steven begins the finale with one friend on his side, then he gets two Diamonds on his side, and now he has three reinforcements on his side, and this growing group of allies all represent what the Big Three Crystal Gems can’t: the family that Steven has chosen, rather than the family he grew up with. These relationships are all a result of his effort, whether going out of his way to befriend Connie or winning over the five former enemies that now stand at his side, and together they‘re one huge reminder that you can reach people if they’re willing to be reached. White Diamond isn’t a villain because she’s cruel, she’s a villain because she quashes any effort to change her mind.

Furthermore, seeing Lapis and Peridot in particular next to a pale, prejudiced, recently-discovered member of Steven’s extended family who disagrees with a parent’s name change evokes that other long episode where Steven went out on a limb to change someone’s mind, and the comparison does wonders for putting White Diamond’s bigotry in perspective.

I’ve already made my defense of Andy, but in short, his irritable first impression masks how open-minded he ends up being. Sure, he has some lousy beliefs, but he’s willing to sit down with folks he disagrees with and try and look for ways to either compromise or straight-up be convinced that those beliefs might be wrong. On its own, Gem Harvest could be read as a little too hopeful, especially as it came out weeks after the 2016 election gave proud bigots the White House, but next to Change Your Mind it expands on the finale’s message: keep an open heart and mind, because people can surprise you if you give them a chance, but don’t let yourself be a doormat in the process.

White Diamond would never have come to the Crystal Gems’ table. She still hasn’t even shown up in person since Legs From Here to Homeworld, using a warped version of the same delegation Steven practices in his talks with the Diamonds: he helps others bring their individual experiences to light, showing that his position isn’t unique, while she blots out their individuality and replaces them with her. Blue and Yellow’s contrast has been a plot point for far longer, but Pink and White (and now Steven and White) are an even starker pair of foils, divided not only by personality but by size and age.

Knowing how hard it will be to reach White, Yellow and Blue again suggest that Steven and the Crystal Gems bail, offering their own ships now that Pink’s is unavailable. While this shows how profoundly they believe in him, it again reveals how unfamiliar these two are with being “good.” Beyond the plan only delaying the inevitable (White Diamond for sure could send more troops to Earth in this scenario), Steven points out that his mother failed in both of her identities to confront the problem in a healthy way, and continuing to avoid it will mean it never gets solved. Rose is still a progression from Pink and Yellow and Blue, as fighting for your beliefs addresses the issue more directly than running away, but Steven in turn is a progression from Rose.

Then Connie’s opening words in Blue and Yellow’s conversions pay off. This time she’s the one ending the conversation, and she’s gained enough of their attention that they don’t write her off as a blathering human. Steven never got to meet Rose, rank-and-file Gems don’t have parents, and White Diamond seems to be the root of it all, so Connie is the ideal voice to reach the Diamond Sisters: she’s the only other person on the planet with a living mother. Where Dr. Maheswaran at her worst once stood in for Yellow Diamond, she can now represent the bigger fish, both in her similar brand of maternal tyranny and in the hope that her attitude can change after a good talk.

And just as Connie takes over Steven’s role as the big finisher for Blue and Yellow, Steven takes over Connie’s role as the voice introducing bigger voices now that it’s time to face White. He works with his aunts to bring his grandmother to a standstill—not by beating her statue-like ship into submission, but by joining the arm-ships to the body and completing the picture—and says his piece briefly before ceding the floor to a pair that White has victimized for far longer than the past week or so.

I love that Yellow is the first to speak, flipping the Diamonds’ conversion order and subverting the notion that the more emotionally open Blue might take the lead. This isn’t just a matter of clarity, but bravery, and Yellow has always been the more confrontational of the pair. It’s also that much more impactful to see Yellow push past her fear and allow herself to be vulnerable, given how hard she’s worked to maintain her air of stoicism. Patti LuPone’s raw power has served the character well, and she keeps up the same petulant energy that saw Yellow dishing about White in Familiar, but now she funnels all of it into a stirring argument against the exacting nature of Homeworld society. And because Yellow helps pave the way, Blue can deepen their point by defending Pink’s role in the quartet and detailing how White’s orders have caused the whole family to suffer.

Steven bookends the Diamonds by suggesting that White can start helping everyone by helping her daughters. Then White shows what kind of “help” she’s willing to provide.

Pink’s former pearl was already proof that White Diamond has the power to possess others, but it’s another thing to see it in action. The whole episode so far has been about building up hope again after Steven is knocked down by Homeworld, but all it takes is one agonizing glare to send everything backwards. Blue and Yellow are even worse off than they were before, and as they’re brought into White’s fold, their arms follow suit. White drops the Crystal Gems and lets them fall, then Steven drops the Crystal Gems and dives after them.

As he slides down alien architecture on his shield, the soundtrack gives a nod to the theme song to prepare us for more fanservice. Now that White has made it clear that talking isn’t going to get us anywhere, it’s time for more action. Now that we’ve established the importance of Steven’s chosen family, it’s time to reconnect with the family he was born into.

Amethyst is first, because of course she is. She’s usually the quickest to reform, and she’s the only Gem that Steven has fused with, so Smoky Quartz is the best start if the goal is reeling off three fusions in a row with a growing sense of excitement. Smoky’s theme heralds this new development with glee, evoking the pure joy of seeing a new fusion from Earthlings as it becomes clear what the show is doing. Fusion has recently featured as a stand-in for marriage and an act of rebellion, but now it represents familial love, and doubles as an elegant plot device to get the poofed crew back in action. The wonder of fusion has always been that beyond whatever metaphor it currently serves, it’s also just a really neat piece of magic that lends itself to awesome visuals, and this whole sequence revels in the glorious spectacle.

Pearl is second, because we’ve already seen another version of Rainbow Quartz, so the biggest reveal is bound to be the Garnet fusion. Rainbow Quartz 2.0 blends the old with the new, immediately showing off the latest clever fusion of weapons (a shield and a spear into a parasol) and introducing a blue jacket that will soon belong to Pearl. The drumkit/chiptune mashup of Smoky’s theme is replaced by a piano/chiptune mashup, and then this new fusion opens their mouth.

Of all of Steven’s fusions with a female or female-presenting partner, this is the one with a male voice actor, and it couldn’t be more perfect. Rainbow Quartz was the only one of Rose’s fusions that we saw, and Now We’re Only Falling Apart shows that she was the second-ever cross-Gem fusion after Garnet (that we know of), so she was clearly something special. Pearl’s romantic interest in Rose complicates matters further, as Rainbow Quartz is an embodiment of a deeply imperfect relationship. This is a character with a lot of baggage, but casting Alastair James puts a hard stop to the idea that this is the same Rainbow Quartz, even before we hear them refer to themself as “2.0.” After the literal nightmare that begins Change Your Mind and the figurative nightmare to come, it’s wonderful to have one more piece of evidence that Steven and Rose are different people.

Amethyst and Pearl, like Lapis and Peridot, get great new looks, and they’ll soon be followed by Garnet (after the commercial break). If this was just for the sake of fanservice, it’d be more than enough: it’s always fun to get outfit changes, and between that and the fusions (including Sunstone and Obsidian; again, after the commercial break!) we get a pleasant treat to sate us between the drama. But as always, the show finds a way to create deeper meaning in the magic.

The Diamonds look the same now as they did thousands of years ago, and one of the reasons why is that they’re unbreakable. Creating a new form requires poofing, which is a very silly way to say that the Crystal Gems have found a way to grow through pain.

Life will always have its share of pain. Part of growing up, maybe the biggest part, is figuring out what you’re going to do about it. The Diamonds react to pain by closing themselves off and letting their problems fester rather than addressing them head-on. But over the course of the series, Lapis and Peridot and Amethyst and Pearl and Garnet have put in the work to learn from their pain and heal, and because they’re literal projections of their true selves, they get a physical manifestation of that growth that can only come after weathering one more blow.

To be clear, pain itself shouldn’t be glamorized. It sucks, and it’s okay if your reaction is to take care of yourself rather than use it for Creative Fuel. But the Crystal Gems are what happens when you deal with your pain, and the Diamonds are what happens when you don’t. And because Steven shares the legacy of both, Steven Universe is about him helping others through their pain and Steven Universe Future is about finally confronting his own.

We end with the most frustrating commercial break of the three, coming right in the middle of the second act, so we’ll just keep on going with fusions and new outfits next time. But if we have to stop partway through a scene, at least we get a Monty Python Foot to stamp out the first half of Change Your Mind.

I Can’t Believe We’ve Come So Far

Hilary Florido is the only storyboarder with their own recurring segment in Steven, Universally. But every other storyboarder had plenty of opportunities to make a fully realized High School AU in their promo art, and none of them did, so that’s on them.

Florido is obviously more than her promo art, but it speaks to a specific level of nerdy passion that made her and longtime coboarder Jesse Zuke so dang good at Peridot episodes, starting with just their second collaboration, the iconic Catch and Release. From there they gave us Too Far and Log Date 7 15 2 and Barn Mates and Too Short to Ride and Beta and Gem Harvest, and Florido kept the ride going with Raising the Barn. Peridot would not be Peridot without Hilary Florido.

In terms of more serious clods, Florido is the only person to board all three Kevin appearances (Alone Together with Rebecca Sugar and first regular coboarder Katie Mitroff, Beach City Drift with Zuke, and Kevin Party with final regular coboarder Danny Cragg, who also stopped boarding after the movie). She gave us as Ronaldo at his worst in Rocknaldo and Aquamarine at her worst in I Am My Mom. And as if she needed further proof of her prowess with harrowing material, she gave us Alone at Sea and A Single Pale Rose.

It’s weird to attribute good Steven writing to any one boarder, given he’s in every episode but Jungle Moon and he’s generally pretty great, but Florido worked on some of the most important moments of Steven letting us into his deeper thoughts: she’s behind him getting real with the Cool Kids in Joy Ride, with Amethyst in Steven vs. Amethyst, and with himself in a rare monologue in Lion 4. His ability to discuss the uncomfortable subtext of Mystery Girl’s visual similarity to Rose is key to the magnificent tone of Last One Out of Beach City, and his introspection about his mother’s older identity is just as important to Familiar.

In short, Hilary Florido rocked at characters with rough edges, whether it was Peridot’s ornery id, a bevy of outright villains ruining everyone’s day, normally sympathetic characters doing dubious things, or Steven giving himself enough of a break to complain. She stepped up as a storyboard supervisor for Steven Universe Future, but even if she hadn’t, her legacy would be secure.

(Frankly it’d be secure even if the only thing she gave us was this.)

#change your mind #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

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gaysofzaun · 4 years

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So @dinahdarling and @witchertrashbag made a post about Jaskier and Vesemir and there was another post about Jaskier in Kaer Morhen being an absolute slut for Witcher’s, and Vesemir’s casting was announced which either inspired it or just fanned the flames and I started to bullshit in the tags of one of my posts and found out there was a tag limit…

which turned into me this half head canon half story mess about Geralt bringing Jaskier to Kaer Morhen after he finds Ciri but before they confess any feelings…

this is an incoherent mess and not at all what i normally write but I couldn’t get the idea of it out of my head and I’m writing another serious geraskier fic so i need it out and here we are, we’re dying like men in this Chili’s tonight

....

Jaskier flirts with Vesemir as soon as he sets eyes on the older Witcher, he gets that cheeky smile like a cat that’s spotted a dish of cream. Vesemir, the old bastard, just chuckles, good natured. The old Witcher finds the bard absolutely charming and to the shock of everyone in Kaer Morhen, Vesemir flirts right back.

It sets a precedent for their relationship. Jaskier flirts, lays it on real thick, and Vesemir gives it right back. He likes to listen to Jaskier sing older songs, historical ballads and such and Jaskier loves to hear Vesemir’s stories.

“He’s much more eloquent than you are darling.” Jaskier tells him after the first week, transcribing his notes on sheets of spare parchment he’d filched from the library, already more comfortable in a castle full of witchers than he has any business being. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, he is! When I ask him to elaborate he does so in more that’s two syllables!”

He listens with rapt attention and Vesemir enjoys the feeling of those bright blue eyes.

Makes him feel young again he says, while Lambert pukes exaggeratedly over his shoulder.

Jaskier and Eskel fuck after the first month.

Geralt‘s out for morning meditation with Ciri and Vesemir and on his way down to the courtyard he sees jaskier slip out Eskel‘s door looking sleep warmed and ruffled, love bites all along his neck and chest and thighs.

Eskel’s a biter and Jaskier writes a drinking song about it.

and Geralt feels… funny about it, he can’t concentrate enough to slip into a meditative state, he’s jittery. Ciri asks him if he’s ok, he doesn’t know

he has to excuse himself when Eskel finally joins them looking so satisfied and loose and smirking into the middle distance and Geralt’s chest floods with … something vicious. It happens so suddenly he shocks himself out of it and doesn’t really know what happened

When it happens again, they’re all getting drunk over a big roast hog that geralt and eskel hunted in the valley to mark the changing of the seasons (minus Ciri, but Eskel and Lambert let her have sips of their ale when they think Geralt isn't looking) when Jaskier and Lambert disappear for a bit

Geralt looks up from his conversation with Vesemir and they‘re gone and he just stops and goes a little cold in his gut, then there they are

Lambert looks extremely satisfied, eyes lidded, unhurried, and jaskier’s looking very smug indeed and then and then the little shit looks fondly irritated when lambert fucking whispers something in his ear.

It’s too low for Geralt to hear, but it must be funny because Jaskier just smacks him playfully and Lambert laughs and Geralt wants to break everything. Then Ciri is asking him if he’s ok and Jaskier looks over at him and there’s concern in those blue eyes.

Geralt is not ok

it all comes to a head when Lambert says some dumb shit in the training yard. It’s harmlessly cocky. Just Lambert being Lambert.

Jaskier is fucking lounging on the ruins of the crumbling wall above the yard, long lines warming in the sun and loose shirts with plunging necklines to reveal the beginnings of his chest hair.

It’s distracting. Geralt tries not to look at him too hard.

He’s plucking through a new song, trying different lines and tunes over and over in different ways. The familiar sound is pleasant, it helps him focus on his movements as he demonstrates his footwork for Ciri as he spars with the two witchers and Lambert says something, too low for Ciri to hear, but Geralt can hear him just fine, about shutting the bard up for a little bit , something about using that pretty mouth for other things

and eskel, fucking eskel, makes that low appreciative ’mhmm’ noise and geralt goes fucking feral, suddenly it’s not training, that ugly feeling is back, the one that makes him want to break things and he’s got a sword in his hand, adrenaline high. He nearly slices lambert open before Vesemir‘s grabbing him and shoving him and shouting at him to take a fucking walk

meanwhile ciri is just standing there with the dummy and her wooden sword, eyes wide, grip slack. Jaskier‘s playing has stopped, the bard is looking at him with his blue eyes wide with shock and concern, Lambert’s yelling, asking him what his problem is and Eskel is just staring at him, with that knowing look, and it’s too much.

He storms off. Jaskier, inevitably, follows and Geralt ,inevitably, says some terrible things,

but unlike with the dragon and Yen, there isn’t a monologue about how much he hates Jaskier. Geralt is very aware that he very much doesn’t hate the bard, but there are feelings clawing at his chest and lodged in his throat that he doesn’t know what to do with. Doesn’t know who they’re directed at or why, just that it settles at the sound of Jaskier’s voice and he’s a little more focused

Jaskier however is a man on a mission and he intends to get to the bottom of all this emotional constipation and get the brute to express his feelings. He pokes and prods and pulls at Geralt until the poor Witcher is a stammering and confused ball of frustration and anger and poorly phrased feelings.

“Are you angry?”

“Yes! …No… I don’t know.”

“Well you’re clearly worked up about something, you nearly tore Lambert’s head off. So what is it?”

At the mention of Lambert that blind, directionless Something flares again, Geralt sneers, “You worried I bruised your toys?”

“My toys?”

“Don’t worry, little bird, Witcher’s heal quickly. He’ll be back in working order for you by tonight.”

“Working order? Geralt, what are you talking about?”

There’s some implied slut shaming (Jaskier: Excuse me, I do NOT fuck every man and woman I see! Geralt: Not for lack of trying! Jaskier: SOO?!WHY DO YOU CARE WHERE I STICK MY DICK? Geralt: CAUSE IT ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH ME HAVING TO CLEAN UP YOUR MESS!), Geralt expresses an acute frustration with the cut of Jaskier’s shirt collars, and implied regret of ever bringing Jaskier to Kaer Morhen,

“Well then why did you bring me here in the first place if you hate me and my slutty slutty shirts that damn much!?”

“I don’t hate you Jaskier, I brought you because I-“

And the truth hits him a split second before he can stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth. Geralt nearly chokes on his spit he stops talking so fast. His face goes red and,,,

Oh no

no that wont do at all.

Without a word he turns on his heel and flees,

He spends the rest of the day out in the valley with Roach trying to get himself under control.

When he comes back it’s to Vesemir standing arms cross in front of the entrance to the keep. He warns him, the whole of Kaer Morhen, and the Rock trolls that live in the caves below, heard his argument with the bard. They all agree, Geralt is being, as Lambert put it, ‘a big warty Cyclops dick’ and he needs to ’unclench and get his colossal bag of issues under control before he fucking kills one of us’. Also Lambert‘s words.

Geralt doesn’t say anything. Vesemir just sighs “You better prepare one hell of an apology, Wolf.” and leads him inside.

Everyone is settling in for dinner. It was Lambert’s turn to cook so the entire keep smells like garlic and spices (every Witcher has a hobby, something to occupy them in between monster hunts. Geralt likes card games, Vesemir likes to collect rare coins, Eskel likes to knit, and Lambert likes to cook).

They all look up when he comes in. Eskel is quiet, he has that knowing look in his eye. Lambert glares, “Welcome back, sour puss, your little tantrum ruin your appetite?”

Geralt has his customary ‘eat my ass Lambert’ on the tip of his tongue, but he pauses, looks at Ciri who looks at him reproachfully from Jaskier’s other side. Jaskier looks up at him with those blue eyes and Geralt feels something settle in his gut.

He knows he’ll be forgiven, but he cannot take that for granted. Vesemir is right. He better give the bard one hell of an apology. And then never fucking do that shit again.

He looks back at Lambert.

“Smells good.” and he takes the empty seat on Jaskier’s left.

It’s as close to an apology that Geralt and Lambert will ever get between them, and the other Witcher wont admit it, but the compliments on his food make him feel all tingly inside.

Later, when Jaskier, Ciri, and Vesemir are all asleep, the boys break out the Mahakaman Spirit and drink it straight from the bottle. It goes about as well as you’d expect.

“You know.” It’s not a question.

Eskel shrugs and takes another drink, “Didn’t before today. Don’t think you did either. I’ll admit I had my suspicions, you guys act like an old married couple, but he seemed pretty convinced you didn’t have feelings for him. If I’d known before I wouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

Lambert snorts, he’s starting to slur his words. “I not. Get your shit together Geralt, cause if you don’t fuck him I will… again.”

Eskel nods with more enthusiasm than is really necessary considering the circumstances and Geralt doesn’t slam his head down on the table but it’s a near thing. Instead he just sighs and pours himself another drink.

Geralt get’s his shit together. Not that night,, but eventually.

That night, bolstered by a few more bottles and Eskel and Lambert’s encouragement, Geralt makes it all the way to Jaskier’s door before loosing his nerve and realizing that maybe stumbling drunk and dumb into the bard’s bed chambers in the middle of the night isn’t the best way to start an apology.

So he just goes to bed.

He asks Ciri the next day, or more Ciri volunteers her opinion. They’re in the library, pouring over books pulled for them by Vesemir (the old Witcher took one look at Geralt and the others battling their hang overs at the kitchen table and declared today an exercise in theory), detailing the different subspecies of Drowners when she brings it up.

“So, have you apologized to Jaskier yet?” She catches him by surprise in the middle of an explanation about the effectiveness of the Axii and Igni signs when fighting Drowners. He pauses.

“Not yet. He always sleeps past breakfast.”

“Are you going to?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“I don’t know... Why are you so interested?”

“I don’t like it when you two fight. It doesn’t happen a lot,, but when it does Jaskier only sings sad songs and it makes everyone else sad.” A pause, “Plus, I have nothing better to do, nothing interesting ever happens around here.”

Geralt laughs at that, “Witcher training that boring to you?”

She gives the comically large book in front of her a pointed look ,”Yes.”

After a few more questions and answers and rapid fire quizzes on the differences between mucknixers and drowned dead, Ciri speaks up again,

“Take him on a picnic, bards love picnics.”

She says it with the kind of finality that only children can muster that Geralt can only nod and they start planning.

Geralt apologizes before dinner, pulls Jaskier aside and asks for his forgiveness. “You already had it Geralt, you knew that.” And he takes Jaskier out to finish dinner atop one of the high towers in the keep with a bottle of erveluce under his arm. He and Ciri had cut their studying short and spent the afternoon dodging Vesemir to set up the picnic before hand. In retrospect it was a very good exercise in stealth and evasion.

There are candles and an old tapestry they found draped across the stones. It’s disgustingly romantic. Jaskier calls him on it. Geralt is embarrassed, but he stammers out his apology and his confession without too much interruption.

“I’m sorry I called your shirt slutty… I don’t think it’s slutty… it’s a nice shirt.”

“Thank you , Geralt. I appreciate how hard that must have been for-”

“And I don’t hate you… I brought you to Kaer Morhen because…. Because… you were the first person I thought of when… I wanted you here… with me… I.. love you, Jaskier. Been shit at showing it but I do, have for a long time, and I… don’t… want you … sleeping with anyone else anymore. Just… just me.”

And then Jaskier jumps his bones. The end.

Lambert is only a little jealous.

#witcher #geraskier #geralt/jaskier #jaskier/eskel #jaskier/lambert #jaskier/vesemir #the witcher #give that bitch a picnic #bitches love picnics

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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Ugh I wanna buy a dildo sooo bad but I live with my parents and my mom doesn't understand privacy and I can't get any packets without her asking me what it is 😔😔 but there's this one I saw that it looks like a real dick and it's a good price and I'm constantly thinking of how nice it would be to practice with it cause I HATE the fact that I'm 26 now and have never had sex or given a blowjob/handjob...

Ooooff my mom’s like that too i get that.

Nooo wtf i just accidentally deleted half my post 😭😭😭 so i was saying mine‘s like that too. But the other week i was ordering a vibrator and didn‘t want her to know so i said i was buying something for her and she‘s not allowed to know what it is so she wouldn’t be curious and ask what‘s in my parcel. I ordered the vibrator off urban outfitters loool so i also ordered a cup with a meme on it to give to her. OR you could go out and buy something for her and pretend it was in the package OR you could say it didn‘t look the same irl and online so you sent it back and make up a lie about what it was? BUT ALSO (i‘m sure your mom is sweet lol but) she needs to respect your privacy. If you‘re 26 then she has no right to know what you‘re ordering especially if you‘re paying for it. (Obviously you know that already). But then again it would probably be suspicious if you suddenly started saying that you don‘t want her to know what you‘re ordering but yeah, good luck with that <3 ahsksjs you should definitely order the dildo. Or i mean you could buy one in person? But personally i would be way too scared to go into one of those shops so shdkshsus (although i literally see sex toys in normal supermarkets nowadays?)

And omg i get that, my friends all got boyfriends just before covid and honestly i‘m not interested in any of the relationship drama but like... i wanna fuck. 🥴 but also you wouldn‘t believe how many 26+ year olds haven‘t had sex yet either. Seriously i‘ve seen a lot of tik toks of people saying they‘re x years old and haven‘t even had their first kiss yet and feel weird about it and then there‘s thousands of people in the comments saying that they‘re much older and haven‘t had their first kiss/sex yet either and it‘s perfectly normal! I‘m not saying that you‘re the same like who knows maybe you‘ll have sex next week? But yeah it‘s normal BUT i get that you‘re annoyed.

It just means you skipped the annoying high school/college drama and if you date people your age they‘ll all be mature and have more experience to treat you better (both in a relationship and/or during sex 😌😌😌😌)

#anon #<3

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noonymoon · 3 years

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JUSTICE FOR JESUS — Misconceptions & Prejudices about the Faith in the Biblical Jesus Christ.

PART ONE: Christianity is not a Religion, it is God‘s plan to redeem mankind and have a relationship with us forever

I‘ve used to think that Jesus is about Religion, Church, Pastors, Dogma. When you look around in the world it makes sense: Everyone believes something different, all faiths are entirely valid for the people who practice them. Of course you throw Christianity in the same pot as Islam and Judaism, they‘re called „the Abrahamic Religions“ (because Abraham was the father of Isaac, who was the father of Jacob, and Jacob is „Israel“, but also Abraham was the father of Ishmael who was only born because Abraham and Sara didn‘t put their faith in God to have a child like God promised, they were impatient and didn‘t have faith, because Sara was already old and could actually not get pregnant anymore, so Sara suggested that Abraham should have a child with Hagar, the handmaiden of Sara; and from Ishmael‘s lineage basically the Arabs and Islam came along, since God had promised to make a great nation out of Abraham, this blessing went worth to both sons of Abraham) - so basically YES, Jews and Christians worship the same God. The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, as it is written all over the Old and New Testament. The only difference is that Christianity has been infiltrated by Satan a loooong time ago, and Judaism (for the most part) rejects Jesus as their Messiah, even though Jesus was prophesied from the FIRST LETTER of the FIRST WORD of the FIRST BOOK of the Bible/Torah FOR the Jews! When he finally arrived FOR the Jews, the Gospel (the message of Salvation) was preached to ONLY Jews for 7 years (3 and a half years of Jesus‘ ministry, 3 and a half years after His death preached by His Apostles) and only THEN (after the Jews for the most part rejected the Gospel and persecuted everyone who believed in Jesus; our best example for this is the Apostle Paul who was actually Sha‘ul; he was formerly an extremely Jewish Pharisee who relentlessly persecuted Christians but then Jesus Himself appeared in a vision to Him and asked Him „Why are you persecuting me?“ and by seeing Jesus‘ glory and majesty, He was born-again and wrote ~70% of the New Testament) God decided to spread the message of Salvation to Greeks/Gentiles as well, because He wants to save all humans, and His chosen people would not do the work that He hoped they would. God‘s priority was always Israel until they have entirely rejected the Salvation that is ONLY found in God‘s Son, the Messiah, the Anointed One: Jesus Christ. Gladly there are a lot of messianic Jews nowadays who do their best to bring Israel‘s saviour to the Jewish people, just like it was supposed to be.

Every single Religion or Faith that there is that does not teach that you can find Salvation in Jesus Christ, the literal Son of God, will not give you peace, love and the Truth, will not give you Eternal Life (and if „Heaven“ and „Eternal Life“ sounds too ethereal for you try „different non-linear dimension“ and „consciousness transferred into a spiritual body“ - because THAT‘S how it was supposed to be before our Earth fell into a linear timeline, away from God‘s presence) and that‘s just how it is. There are tons of Religions, Faiths, even pretty much ALL Christian denominations and all the Christian cults, each one of them has a different way of denying the only thing that leads to Salvation: Jesus is the LITERAL only-begotten Son of the one true God & He died for our sins & was raised to life again by God the Father. Satan literally tries in ANY way possible to deny the LITERAL Sonship of Christ whose Father is God Almighty, YHWH. [...by the way, if you believe in that Zecharia Sitchin nonsense, please visit http://sitchiniswrong.com/ - by an ACTUAL scholar of Biblical Hebrew and of Ancient Semitic Languages]. And for the people who don‘t even bother with Jesus at all, he developed a plethora of options, to believe in something else, his first and only goal is to keep people away from Jesus, and he literally does not care how he accomplishes it. Every single Faith that does not lead to Jesus and into the Kingdom of God, has its roots in Ancient Babylon and leads into the Kingdom of Darkness. There are literally only two options, and that’s the absolute Truth, no matter if “truth” today is a “subjective matter for everyone”; that’s exactly what Satan wanted to achieve, and he sure did it. People are always extremely offended when Christians claim to have the only true God, the One who brought all things into existence despite the circumstance that they don‘t even believe in the FACT that we were brought into existence by this one God through Jesus Christ (who is the „Word of God“, and as you all know „God said: Let there be light, and there was Light“ - basically God spoke things into existence BY his Word, and his word IS Jesus Christ, the Son of God).

People rather believe in an extremely ridiculous and propagated concept of a „Big Bang“ that caused things to just „happen over time“, that our Earth is millions or billions of years old, that it is sheer „luck“ that we can survive because if we were just a tiny bit closer or less close to the Sun we would either burn up or freeze, that we evolved from ape-like men who were not very intelligible, that our extreme complex languages also probably evolved from ape-like sounds (you have no idea how ridiculous all of this sounds, when you are awake, I can‘t even type it without putting it in „quotation marks“, and you literally can NOT UNSEE the Devil’s work once your eyes have been opened) when there is literally an abundance of undeniable evidence that the Creation by an intelligent and brilliant God is a LOT more plausible; or let‘s say: there is a LOT of evidence that the public narrative is simply a deception (for example, tons of GIANT human bones have been found since at least the 1800s but of course not a single person informs us about stuff like this, and of course we don‘t make an effort to research it, because we‘re all brainwashed until we realize the Truth; people who study their Bible know EXACTLY who these giants were and they also know exactly who all those other spiritual entities are which we see in Mythology from ancient cultures) - and when the public narrative is a deception, the only logical conclusion is that something different must be true. And which book contains the entire story from the very Beginning to the very End of humankind, which fulfilled a massive amount of prophecy throughout human history 100% accurate, and is by „sheer conincidence“ the most translated and printed book of ALL time? Exactly! The Bible!

„In the beginning (TIME) God created the heavens (SPACE) and the earth (MATTER)“ — Genesis 1:1

(parantheses added)

Isn‘t it AMAZING how the inspired Word of God through the Prophets conveys complex scientific concepts in only a little sentence? THAT‘S how incredible God is! He is a Mastermind and good beyond ANYTHING. Sadly Satan has accomplished that the world sees our Creator like a hateful, narrow-minded, strict and arrogant Ruler who just wants to dominate us and put His Religion on us, but that could not be further away from the Truth. God, in fact, HATES Religion, all He ever wanted is to be loved by His people, acknowledged by His people and praised by His people (and honestly, He DESERVES praise for Everything He has done for us and for Everything that He is!) .. And then of course, you can look all around in nature! I swear, being born-again is like being a child again, before this world and our „education“ brainwashes you. When I walk outside, I just MARVEL at God‘s handiwork, it‘s literally AMAZING. When I look at flowers, veggies, fruits, animals, insects of all kinds (I even lost my fear of spiders and wasps and even hornets, it‘s just amazing to look at them), when I taste different kind of nuts, herbs and spices (by the way, isn‘t it amazing how there‘s a herb or plant for every health issue a human can have, just like the Bible says? if we really evolved from a Big Bang to THIS, how do we explain the miraculous powers of all of these things? Have they just „happened“...?) look at the funny shapes of everything; everything just blows my mind, it‘s incredible. Someday I really want to ask God what He thought when He created Romanesco Broccoli because each time I see that thing, I just marvel at its weirdness and beauty. The world is just so ridiculously beautiful and NO ONE can see it except born-again Christians (I‘m really excited for eternal Life because this Creation is in a fallen state and the Bible says that the actual glory of the actual Creation is even more magnificent, WHOA...!!!) and I sometimes literally cry because it‘s SO SAD what Satan has made us believe about our planet, about ourselves, about literally everything. And why? Just because he hates Jesus, he hates God and he most certainly hates EVERYONE else, you, me, everyone. He loves only himself and he doesn‘t care if he‘s robbing us from the most astonishing experience ever: Life! He enslaves us through spiritual warfare to desires that we would naturally not have (social status, money, power, career, material objects of all sorts, fame, success, other people no matter how toxic they are for our health, drugs, likings and addictions of all kinds, literally ANYTHING can be the work of spiritual warfare) and makes us believe on top of that that we‘re just a bunch of random Apes in a random world, that our purpose is to make money and survive in a society that grows more and more into cold robots each year, only so that at the end, we die, never knew Jesus, and perish in Hell with him. It‘s literally the saddest thing EVER.

So yes, „Religious Freedom“ is a thing; everyone CAN believe whatever they want and feel drawn to, but ONLY born-again believers in Jesus Christ will live with God forever and ever in a different dimension that is not bound to time. Just like God wanted to live with us from the very beginning! We are His masterpiece of creation! Did you know that we are more cherished than angels? He sent his LITERAL SON to die for us, ALL of us, just so that we can live with God! Isn‘t that incredible??? I’m just absolutely in Love with God and Jesus and I’ve never thought that I’d EVER say this, growing up as an Atheist and then, over 2 years deceived in a spiritual bubble that is not even real.

My prayer is that the people who are written in the book of Life and belong to God’s kingdom find Jesus Christ, and experience His Love, because once you have, there is not a single day that is sad or empty, not a single day that seems pointless, you will have peace and a blessed hope for eternity to come. Amen.

TESTIMONIES

From Buddha to Christ. Powerful Testimony.

Chinese Triad Gangster Finds Jesus In Death Encounters

SATANISM, WITCHCRAFT, DRUGZ, DEPRESSION this is my testimony

"New Age" Occult Practices Nearly Ruined My Life | Warning & Testimony

Raves, drugs, vanity, new age to Jesus Christ | My Testimony

#Jesus Christ #jesus loves you #God is Good

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polar-stars · 4 years

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Shigeo + love ;)

Oh, you didn’t actually have to give me a topic for the meme I reblogged :0 A simple name would be enough.

But thank you still! It was interesting to write out, I just hope it’s not all too confusing and uncoordinated ; 7 ;

- Suzume is convinced that Shigeo is „one of those sad, bitter souls that don’t believe in love at all“ but it’s not entirely true. Shigeo did witness genuine romantic love in his life already, so he does not really think that its something that does not exist at all, no.

- (Actually he thinks that he sees TOO MUCH genuine romantic love at times. All three of the disaster siblings really don't like it when their parents get all affectionate around them. They've always been the kind of kids who get all "ugh" and "ew" when their parents kiss or something ahdhd)

- However Shigeo just never really pictured himself falling for someone. He always believed that he'll end up in some sort of loveless marriage which his grandfather would arrange for him.

- Shigeo's grandfather already does go out of his way to introduce his grandson to this or that girl from this or that influential family as soon as he thinks Shigeo is old enough.

- Generally speaking Shigeo is the one out of his brothers that gets the most female attention. I mean, Kei is a little too young for that to begin with so it comes down to Masashi and Shigeo. Shigeo has a ton more charisma than Masashi has and is a lot more gallant and gentleman-like, which does make many girls that try to make moves on the Eizan-brothers prefer him. Adding to that, it's much of a common believe that Masashi and Kiyoko are as good as engaged already anyway.

- When Shigeo starts to try recruiting Chieko as his assistance he really did not plan for ending up liking her as much as he ends up doing. He really did only approach her for business-reasons but he ends up gaining interest in her that goes far beyond just business.

- The first time he truly realized that his feelings for Chieko might not be as business-y anymore as he intended was when she was invited to a super important, high-class event by a guy named Junpei Miyazato, the grandson of Takao Miyazato. (Takao Miyazato is the lecturer of the Miyazato-Seminar that Zenji is part of). Shigeo found himself getting very, very, VERY peeved over the fact that Chieko is here with this guy and also, from all looks of it, really enjoying herself. Simply put, Shigeo discovered jealousy. IMMENSE JEALOUSY.

- Shigeo often appears as rather unromantic as he rolls his eyes a lot when matters of heart are discussed by his peers. He does not enjoy watching sappy romance movies either. But when he‘s in a relationship himself it does show that he does have quite some romantic tendencies buried very deep down inside.

- A very noticeable thing is though that he‘s very spoiling towards people he loves, wether romantic or platonic, and he gets actual joy from gifting the people that are important for him. He already makes Chieko quite a lot of gifts before they‘re even together. He mainly gifts her macarons or hyndrangea-bouquets.

- Momo Saito, formerly Akangekubo, is probably the one who advises Shigeo the most when it comes to the matter of heart. He does not ask for it very often being real, but she just does it anyway. She does also provide him with the macarons that he gifts to Chieko.

- Generally speaking, if Shigeo truly develops love for a person, wether it’s platonic or romantic, he becomes insanely loyal to them and pretty devoted to them.

#//prays that tumblr mobile wont mess up the formatting//#what is love? Baby don‘t hurt me no moree #Shigeo Eizan #Gofer answering to stuffz

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bluh-bluh-liveblogging · 5 years

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Queer Eye - You Can’t Fix Ugly

Okay, to preface this: I don‘t like Reality TV. At all. I decided to put Queer Eye into my watchlist… because it was available, obviously queer and I‘d heard very good things about it.

I wanted to like this show, I really did! But going in, I was also very sure this was not going to be my kind of thing.

Hoo boy was I wrong about that!

Starting with the intro (just like the episode) I‘ve gotta say that I approve a helluva lot of all these rainbows and dancing guys. Very nice! The whole thing is very cute, very relatable, there‘s been a few faces and names. (Five, in fact, which I remember only because I know their group has been dubbed „Fab 5“ - they even put it on their number plate! How is that legal? I don‘t actually care!) How in hell is anybody supposed to remember so many people and faces though? Also, the intro seems a bit weirdly cut in some places? To match up their little speeches and give everyone equal screentime? Which is a good idea, but ends up a smidgen chaotic.

But it‘s VERY queer, VERY cute and I like the music! Introducing, then, the guy our actually very well put-together motley crew is out to fix! His routine and those interactions with the diner lady, as well as his own introduction itself, feel very staged. Then again, this IS a TV show. Everything is staged; it has to be.

It‘s both obvious that his daughter is the one who actually made Tom (yassss got the name) apply to this and she also seems to be the driving force behind this endeavour.

Then again, it‘s not like Tom himself doesn‘t realize he has a problem! He seems very willing to trust the Fab V with his life and it‘s sweet how he‘s looking forward to the new him! (Inciting factors for him wanting to change right now are… his grandson? Also his loneliness? And uh… him being too settled in his own routines and not knowing how to escape them? Let‘s see how that holds up later.)

Oh, that title-drop tho! They are not being subtle here! „You can‘t fix ugly“ seems to be set up as a statement that, at the same time is easily disproven and perceived by many to be true, making it an ambitious, great set-up for a first episode. Good job, show-runners! I also like the implication that by choosing to emphasise this statement as the one that needs to be torn out by the roots, they take a firm stance against letting genetic disposal (meaning something that one has no input in) dictate one‘s life and self-image. In the meantime, between fantastic shots of rural Georgia, the Gays are getting ready in the car – and I sense a theme here. To be fair, mostly because of all the car gifs that I‘ve seen on the internet. They can‘t possibly all come from this one episode. But still, I sense it in my bones.

Holy shit, I do love the ROMEOS! It‘s such a nice and self-humouring name! And I love how supportive all these old people are of the good dude. Is it too much to ask to have such a nice circle of friends to grow old with? Evidently not!

Just as evidently, they are also not afraid to give Tom shit, like, at all. They are brutally honest, in fact. And they do have very strong opinions on him needing to get his act together.

Why the constant reiteration of relationship issues, though? Isn‘t there another angle they could push? I mean, it‘s obvious that he‘s lonely and needs someone to share his life with and a girlfriend/wife would do him worlds of good… but why does EVERYONE instantly jump on that?

Seriously, jumping forward to the apartment inspection a bit, the main point every single person seems to consider is relationship and sex stuff. It does make me uncomfortable – not the relationship stuff itself, that‘s adorable, more that it‘s the one thing that, in the blink of an eye, becomes the focus of the whole episode. It‘s teased already, with the goal of the makeover being to make Tom a new and better Tom until the car show. Where he is going to take „a special person“. Maybe. But of course, there needs to be a tangible goal, to actually see some results. Aside from that, it is very cute to see the Gays play around with his stuff – Jonathan using the hair-dryer to blow his luscious locks around? And then picking out the… whatever that thing is supposed to be. A robe? Personally, I would probably murder anyone who‘d put their hands all over my stuff like that – but then again, that‘s what they were invited to do! It doesn‘t feel disrespectful either, the way they just have fun with his stuff and tease Tom about it. (To be honest, though, it was kind of surprisingly clean and everything? Except for the reclining chair of course, I do get why they were so grossed out by that thing… Not much of a revelation, then, that Tom had very little to do with the decoration of his own apartment. Which is obviously a problem! Hearing Tom talk, it is very obvious that he‘s never taken the time to shake off some of the influence his past relationships have had on him. Of course, you don‘t need to completely reinvent yourself once you break up with your partner; or the reverse. But even if Tom doesn‘t see it that way, he does tend to hang on to things that don‘t belong to his current life anymore. Having the Fab 5 rearrange his house will certainly help him have a space completely independent from past and evidently failed marriages…)

The pyjama was really cute though! I don‘t get why Tan jumped on it so viciously as a sex-killer – sure, it‘s NOT sexy, but it shows that the wearer doesn‘t hang on too much to a constructed self-image? Then again, Tom already radiated putting zero thought in his appearance at all times anyway. Good call, maybe. It is a pity that the dude doesn‘t take advantage of what he already possesses, though. Forgoing any kind of interesting in favour of comfortable and I‘m glad the Gays are there to show him that you can have both. (Even if that‘s the quintessential bisexual experience… shutting up, now!)

The skin care tips are very helpful and I like how they don‘t even give Tom a chance to blame everything on his lupus and instead show him ways to make flare-ups easier to circumvent and ease. And yeah, the beard does show potential. Not into it as much as Jonathan and Tan (?) seem to be, but… it`s good? Obviously a point of pride for Tom, too.

Oh, so that is what they meant with „culture“! Karamo is there for the psychological aspect of it all, for interpersonal relationships and the way he presents himself. Focussing on the dating website profile seems to make sense, then. Albeit the fact that it is rendered almost unimportant by the revelation occurring… in the kitchen?

How come the ONE conversation that didn‘t involve dating issues from the start derailed SO HARD into the big revelation? OF COURSE, after this there‘s no going back from that angle – the goal is now to woo a woman… that already loves him? And he loves her too?

Why the FUCK did they divorce though??? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ABBY???

Very nice ending for the day: everybody tries the Redneck Margharita!

„Who doesn‘t love mountain dew? Who doesn‘t love margaritas?“

(Cue spluttering and dramatic puking noises)

„That shit was gross AF!“ Didn‘t think it was gonna be any good :/ All of the Fab 5 simultaneously screaming „you need to stop saying that“ whenever Tom‘s title-mantra comes up gives me life, btw. (Also, what DOES „snatched“ mean? Isn‘t it just like… SNATCHED? Help? Is there another secret slang meaning there?)

Second day! And they are ritually getting rid of The Chair, which, good for Tom! Very nice how they pulled this off!

Also great is how every bit of sexism and homophobia is addressed within seconds and murdered, but gently! It is both gratifying to see that being brought up in the show and very nice how Tom is willing to work on his attitude and internalized prejudices – a bit uncomfortable, but wholesome! Mattress shopping surely is not the most important thing in the world, but you sleep on those things every day… so you better get something that actually makes you feel good! Introducing the memory foam for back problems is very helpful and it‘s wonderful to see how much thought the Gays put into accommodating Tom‘s ailments – as they should! But back issues etc are not often approached with the care they demand and here, they are! Beautiful interactions between the Fab 5 themselves, too! The birth-reenactment was hilarious!

The vintage clothing store is looking good – great decoration and everything, but the best thing about this is that they‘re not actually buying much. Actually, the cap thingie might have been the only thing they bought? And it does make him look so much more sophisticated! It‘s really good that they‘re not replacing his whole wardrobe though – just giving him the means to shop for clothing that he‘ll look good in any time. (Everything is so cute!) (Isn‘t he wearing a reddish pink shirt right now? Wouldn‘t that also have to go into the „not your friend“-pile?) The makeover cleanses my soul. A new haircut! Better beard! All of this is such an upgrade and he looks so much better with just these relatively small changes! (Let‘s just hope he‘ll keep this up afterwards too?) Everybody complimenting him the second they lay eyes on him is both well-deserved and – repeating myself here – so very sweet. (I‘ll have to interrupt myself here, though – what. The fuck. Is going on with Antoni‘s smile? Who allowed him to have that??? Like, every single member of the Fab 5 is incredible. But this guy‘s smile? Divine. I don‘t do crushes on random celebrities – still don‘t – but hell if I didn‘t just fucking FALL IN LOVE with that smile. What even) The most interesting part by far is Karamo‘s, though – and it‘s comparably short, but holy hell if Tom ain‘t just calling Abby. Hoo boy, he‘s very forward and she seems to have no clue what‘s coming… aaaand she said yes! Awesome!

(Realistically, she must have signed all sorts of waivers to appear on this show and can‘t have been too surprised at what is happening here – but the conversation is also very short. Not a lot to analyze, there…) This point in the episode was when I felt a slight tinge in my cheekbones and realized that I was smiling; had been for a long time, actually. Thus began my descent into really loving this show that I so far have only seen one episode of. Oh well.

House reveal! House is amazing! Prepared Looks are amazing! The food, the body care, the beard care – everything is amazing! Tom‘s daughter reacting to all of that is just awwwww and my teeth are dissolving from all this sweetness! The grandson doesn‘t look too happy, but why would he?

Jonathan is just a reaction gif trapped in human form, I have no idea how many #relatable things he‘s said in this episode alone, but I believe that may be cuz it‘s been too many to count. ...and now everybody‘s crying, they‘re all saying goodbye – but there‘s still a fair chunk of the episode left? What… is going on? Of course! The car show! And of course, Tom has to do this alone, has to use the resources he‘s been given and prove his mettle!

Meanwhile, the Fab 5 are watching and commenting from afar. Golly, they can be mean though… I mean, yeah, there are a few hiccups with the outfit choice! (And the green stick thing. But he eventually found his nose!) In the end, though, BY GOLLY does Tom show that he hasn‘t forgotten everything. Even though he sticks with his most comfortable option. That‘s okay, buddy! Still need to have an ace in the sleeve for the next date(s)! That‘s the car show – is this the first time since his magical girl transformation that Tom actually meets his peers? They seem appropriately surprised and in awe. Every single one of these (tbf not that) old guys looks so happy to see their friend thrive and I‘m here for it! Holy crap, that‘s Abby! She‘s so pretty, what‘s up with that? Naaaawww that is cute. Gotta hand it to Tom, he may be incredibly unsubtle, but slick. Very slick.

Then again, as Abby, according to earlier in the episode, already loves him anyway, I don‘t think she requires that much persuasion? We‘ve got the upcoming dinner date and the „his and her“ space and it ends on a very positive note. All of this is culminating in Tom and Abby awkwardly getting closer – but the best thing?

The Fab 5 reacting to this ordeal! Why is this so lovely? Also, Antoni, put that smile away, I swear to all that is sparkly! (jk pls don‘t lol)

All in all, this first episode was surprisingly enjoyable, lovely to the nth degree and I think I might be addicted. Even the outro is a thing of beauty! Thanks for the concept explanation, the margarita tips and more impromptu dancing!

Actually, thanks for this whole show! I shall now scour the deepest edges of the internet for numerous flashes of Antoni‘s smile, and reappear to the surface only when but the grainiest snapshot remains untouched by my hungry eyes.

Goodnight.

#queer eye #fab 5 #gay #episode review #first episode #noooo but why is this so good #wanna watch more #this is my new comfort series #low effort watching #great satisfaction #very gay #very queer in general #in conclusion #absolute gem

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caroline-min-max · 6 years

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So I never did explain where Elsie and Tillie’s names come from and I’m not sure if anyone gets the reference. They’re actually from Alice in Wonderland. The Dormouse tells a story about three sisters named Elsie, Lacy, and Tillie at the Mad Tea Party.

While Min and Max were excitedly bouncing baby names off one another Caroline didn’t care at all. They still didn’t have names picked out when the girls were born and Caroline was all “I just had two babies tear apart my nether regions, it doesn‘t matter to me what they‘re called. Also, no sex ever again.”

Min and Max know Caroline is hurting, miserable, and likely didn’t mean that last part. She’s been nothing but depressed during the pregnancy but they think that maybe, if she picks the names, it might help her start to bond with their children. They push her to choose.

Caroline’s joking when she says “Elsie and Tillie. Now leave me alone.” before she turns away from them in her hospital bed to sleep and pretend that her reality is a bad dream. The problem is Min and Max aren’t nearly as familiar with the story and think those are the cutest names they’ve ever heard in their lives, plus they’re pretty unique, so no other girls will have them. They write the names down on the birth certificates and make it official. They don’t understand the face Caroline makes when they proudly show her; she looks like she wants to laugh and cry at the same time.

Thanks to her pregnancy, the White Rabbit and the twins haven’t been seen in action for a long time. No one knows what happened to them. Jervis has been worried about her, but considering he had a bit of a breakdown when he learned the twins were her lovers the last time he saw her, their relationship has been strained. The last time he saw her she was desperate to break out of Arkham but never explained why. Then she was just gone.

After nearly a year of wondering he decides to visit her home. Jervis immediately feels he’s made a mistake when both Min and Max answer the door so he’s stunned when he’s welcomed inside after the twin brothers look at each other for a moment and nod.

They ask him to wait in the living room while they tell Caroline he’s here. They’re only gone for a moment before they return with her, Jervis nearly crying when Caroline welcomes him with a hug.

“Carol…” Jervis says her name fondly as he holds both her hands. “You’ve been away for so long… I haven’t seen you in the papers and I’ve been told none of you have been in Arkham either.”

Caroline takes a moment to speak. She and her lovers had all agreed but still she was nervous about how Jervis might react to this news. “Mr. Tetch… We have something to show you but you have to promise me that you won’t tell a single soul. We have to keep this a secret as long as we possibly can.”

“You can trust me. I swear it.”

All three believe him. They escort the clueless Jervis to a room, he putting his hand over his mouth in shock when he realizes he’s entering a nursery. It’s all set up with anything a child could ever want. He slowly approaches the crib, his eyes softening when he looks down at two slumbering identical twin girls.

“Carol… You’re a mother…” Jervis is in awe. It seems like only yesterday he’d met her as a nineteen-year-old waitress who still looked like she could be in high school. So much had changed for the both of them…

“Mmm…” Caroline isn’t sure how to respond. Sure she gave birth, but she certainly didn’t feel like a mother. There was still no connection. She feels nothing as she stares down at the babies she carried for nine months.

“What are their names?”

“Elsie and Tillie.”

“What beautiful names!” Jervis raves while keeping his voice down. “You couldn’t have picked better ones!”

Min and Max each raise an eyebrow.

“Why do you like them so much?” Min asks suspiciously.

Uh-oh… Caroline thinks. They never did figure out where she’d gotten them from.

Of course Jervis excitedly explains, Min and Max less than thrilled to find out they’ve got two more members of the family now with a connection to the damn book and so now the Mad Hatter as well.

“I told you I was kidding about the names,” Caroline says with a shrug when her lovers look over at her. She just said the first two names that popped into her head to get them to stop talking.

“May I hold one?” Jervis asks.

“You can take them if you want…” Caroline murmurs, no one able to understand her, as she reaches into the crib.

“Not like that, Caroline!” Max says as she starts to pick up one of their children under her arms. “You have to make sure to support her head, too!”

“Oh… Right…” Caroline keeps forgetting, even though even the nurse at the hospital had gone over it with them. Whatever. She wasn’t really listening. She moves aside to let Max her up instead.

Jervis carefully takes the baby from Max. It had been a long time since he held someone’s child but he was still confident he could do it properly. “Which one do I have?” he asks Caroline.

Caroline shrugs. “I don’t know.” Did it really matter? Both of them were equally as tiring and unfulfilling to take of.

“That’s Elsie,” Min answers for her. “It’s easier to tell when they’re awake but…” He starts to say ‘but a father just knows’. However he quickly realizes that might sound insulting towards Caroline.

Jervis is all smiles as he looks down at Elsie. Even Min and Max have to internally admit it’s sweet. Since they’re Caroline’s children it seems he won’t dislike them for who their fathers are, although being girls likely helped with that.

Elsie stirs and awakens. She isn’t sure just who’s holding her, staring up at Jervis.

“She has your eyes!” Jervis is thrilled; he hadn’t that color green in so long. It was yet another thing that had been robbed from Caroline when she was forced to become a rabbit.

“Yup…” Caroline replies dully, more concerned with straightening her dress.

Elsie doesn’t seem to mind being held by this stranger, burbling as she smiles.

Jervis looks up and realizes that Caroline’s walked over to the window and is currently looking out of it. “Carol!” he says excitedly. “Elsie smiled at me!”

Caroline doesn’t respond.

“Honey Bunny,” Max says. “Elsie just smiled at-”

“I heard him,” Caroline interrupts, completely disinterested, not even looking. Of course she had; nothing got by her ears. “Tell me when she actually does something impressive.”

The happiness completely dies from the three men’s expressions as they look at one another worriedly.

“Carol, are you alright?” Jervis asks.

“I’m sorry…” Caroline sighs, realizing she was rude, and rejoins the men. “I didn’t get much sleep last night…” She glared at Elsie. “Of course now they’re sleeping soundly; I wonder how much they’d like it if I-”

“You should go take a nap,” Max suggests, Min agreeing, the resentment in Caroline’s voice scaring them.

“I was going to leave soon anyway,” Jervis encourages.

Caroline nods. “Thank you for coming by, Mr. Tetch. Feel free to drop by more often. I’m going to be stuck at home for awhile…” Her ears droop as she realizes this before she walks out of the room.

The men are completely silent for a moment, not wanting to talk until they know she won’t be able to hear them.

“Carol seems…” Jervis speaks up first, trying to find the right words. “Disenchanted with being a mother.”

“She just had a bad night!” Min insists. “The girls kept waking up crying and-”

“It hasn’t been just one night,” Max interrupts. He’s been desperate to talk about this, to tell someone. He couldn’t live in denial like Min. “She’s been like this since near the end of her pregnancy. The nurse said sometimes women get the ‘Baby Blues’ but it’s been months now. Caroline switches off the baby monitor when we’re not looking so they won’t disturb us when we sleep. She won’t hold them after Tillie spit up on her. She doesn’t even bother trying to tell them apart. She doesn’t want to be anywhere near them.”

“I see…” Jervis looks down sadly at Elsie, who’d fallen back to sleep. “Her pregnancy wasn’t planned, was it?” he realizes, Min and Max confirming by shaking their heads. “It makes sense now. Carol has always hated children. There were times I’d meet her after her shift was over and she’d be upset over a family that came in if their children were a nuisance. She has all the love in the world for animals, but with kids…”

“Jervis…” Max says seriously. “Do you think Caroline would hurt Elsie and Tillie?” She was already so neglectful… He hated to suspect that she would take it a step further but she was acting in a way neither he nor Min had ever seen before. “Please,” he implores when Jervis is hesitant to answer. “We won’t tell her anything but we have to know. For Elsie and Tillie’s sakes.”

“I…” Jervis feels terrible for speaking ill of Caroline and thinking his dear friend could be capable of something so terrible. “I wouldn’t leave them alone with her.” This was as delicately as he could think to put it, Min and Max taking his words to heart. He walked back to the crib and gently placed Elsie back down next to her sister, hoping he’d get to meet Tillie properly some other time. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

What a complete one-eighty. Normally Min and Max were quite hostile towards Jervis, and he wasn’t fond of them either, but both sides seemed to have accepted one another’s places in Caroline’s life. When Jervis wasn’t being condescending he wasn’t that insufferable to be around.

“Hey, Jervis…” Min said, he and Max catching the older man on his way out. “You can visit Caroline and the girls whenever you want. I think it would make Caroline happier to have you around.”

Jervis smiled at them gratefully and nodded. “I’ll do just that.”

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