#they will deadass tell you you can't study or work if you have adhd/autism
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I accidentally hit my hand against my old tv real hard and had a complete autistic breakdown because I was already overstimulated
so how's your night going?
#I fixed it by getting an anger attack#which was a reaction not a fix#but then I blasted music until the tears started and I just felt hurt and upset and sad#so then I listened to the light behind your eyes and into the cave we wander so I could cry it out#im still a bit of a mess now tho#and I realised I hadn't eaten basically the entire day#so that was a fun time for me while making dinne#and before I could eat I had to hang up the laundry I forgot about#so basically it was my adhd and autism both destroying me today#I genuinely don't understand how and why I am considered responsible and safe enough to live by myself working a 45h job#but I guess that's just because mental healthcare in the Netherlands is absolute fucking garbage and destroys more than it heals#so my mom avoided that whole bs system like the plague#they will deadass tell you you can't study or work if you have adhd/autism#like???#I can't work an overstimulating job for 9h a day#I can't be held responsible for deadlines (even if I will somehow still make them I have a bachelor's degree come on)#because they stress me out into in-action#but I am intelligent#I have tons and tons of little tricks to make life easier#I have pretty bad dyslexia but I also write novels#and no one's commented on errors because there is no difference to any other author#which was also noticeable in school#I have dyscalculia but I love maths and am good at it#it's very simple: even if the letters and numbers float around and get mixed up I am capable of slowing myself down enough to fix errors#literally I taught myself to pay extra attention to everything I say and do#I am a perfectionist so it feels like the end of the world any time someone notes a mistake I made#rationally I know it's fine#but emotionally I feel like a freak if I ever make a mistake#anyway I went off on a rant#today sucked ass and I am already feeling the stress of having to go to work on Monday without being well-rested
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