I think that a big part of what discourages potential artists to not draw is because they're afraid of making "bad" art and I've had this opinion for years now but we need to normalize loving and hyping up our super super old embarrassing art. I never see any artist doing this and I think on occasion it would be fun to be like "look at this old oc I made when I was 10! I loved her so much then and I think it's really cute now"

This is the very extensive and detailed rant of a fed up black, female student of class 2020

-You are free to scroll past this if you want. I really just needed to get this off my chest. But if you have advice or are experiencing a similar situation, feel free to message me-

So first off, I haven't liked going to school since I was 9. And highschool has only deepened my loathing of it. But maybe I don't hate school in general. Maybe I just hate the schools I've gone to ( 4 in total ). This rant is about highschool specifically. Perhaps what I'm about to type is normal and I'm overreacting. But I'm tired of not talking about my problems because I'm worried that I'll sound like an ungrateful brat. Typing/ writing about my issues makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better.

So here are the main points in order of severity: Low income, Advisory, Graphic Arts and Discipline/Work Ethic

Low Income:

I've only ever gone to low income schools in my neighborhood. I hoped high school would be different but thanks to the crappy education of my old school and an even crappier selective enrollment test score, I couldn't get into the schools I wanted. Then again my single mother probably couldn't afford those other schools anyway.

My highschool shares a building with another highschool. And unfortunately they called dibs on the best features and have control of the heating and ac. We don't even have our own gym. We also have the least amount of space with the smallest class being mine of 144 seniors. So there's a lot of packed classrooms.

Speaking of having way too many students, recourses are slim as a result. Our best equipment, chromebooks, need to be reserved weeks in advance by the teacher and even then they still may not be able to get enough of them for their class. Said chromebooks can often be missing keys, not work at all or be stolen easily because of their small size.

A few other issues are terrible lunches ( I've been bringing lunch from home since sophmore year), very limited field trips, mice infestation, very few clubs ( if we have any idk ) and teachers have to pay for just about everything class related.

Advisory:

Advisories were created to prepare us for greek life in college. I honestly think it's to keep everyone in check but ok. Even so I have absolutely 0 interest in anything frat or sorority related ( no offense to those who do ) as well as many of my classmates but advisory is mandatory.

My first 2 years of advisory were hell. Most of my advisory sisters were either people I'd never talk to because we weren't in the same class, had nothing in common or they were straight up terrible people. I should mention that freshman year has the worst students because about 30% don't make to the next grade or just transfer. Most of my advisory sisters I had problems with were in that 30% ( a few had already repeated ).

Since I kept to myself there were very few incidents were I was put into a tense situation with them. The main conflicts involved our advisor, who I guarantee you was not the problem. She was essentially a poor, white, optimistic, young math teacher from out of town that was thrown to the slaughter. And my cowardly self watched not wanting to be next.

She ended up leaving by junior year so what was left of my advisory merged with another and got a new advisor. The only downside is that our new advisor is a firm believer in " sisterhood " and no cliques ( even if you converse easier with a certain group of people and advisory is already a forced clique in itself ). Maybe I'd be more up for advisory events , which we rarely have , if my advisory experience wasn't sullied so early on.

Graphic Arts:

The reason I chose my school was because it had an art class. In seventh grade I knew I wanted to have a career in art and that my talent was lacking but had potential. So you can imagine my horror when I learned that the art teacher had left once I'd gotten there.

I was sad but stayed positive and even highly recommended them to get another art teacher. Then by sophomore we got an art after school program ( 4:25 to 6 twice a week ). I managed to keep my grades the same and take the classes every week for the entire school year. I only missed about 4 days total. For once I actually enjoyed staying after school.

The class taught me so much and I didn't have to wait for the summer to take an art class downtown. Even better I got to interact with other young artists of my race ( there was usually only one other black kid at the summer classes ). Everything was finally looking up.

Then the art galleries happened. The school hosted one per semester. I brought my art to display but I couldn't stay cuz of a shitload of math homework. I got complimented the next day but still regretted not staying. So I vowed to attend the next one with even more pieces than before.

The night finally came and I was hyped. Me and two seniors were in charge of doing caricatures for free ( one senior gave me a dollar tho ). I had fun with that but noticed something weird...none of our art was displayed.

Apparently they cut it out for time along with the theatre clubs performance. And I would've been fine with that. If my family hadn't come.

The icing on the cake was when they turned off the lights in the hallway where we were drawing the caricatures so they could start the show for the performing art groups. I couldn't contact my family until the show was over and booooiii were they pissed. Especially my mom. I was more sad than anything. I had a feeling my school valued the performing art more and this just proved that. At least now we have an actual art class. And my art teacher is awesome and supportive as hell.

Discipline/ Work Ethic:

These are together cuz they've equally fucked me up. Don't get me wrong. I have a 4.2 gpa and 0 detentions.

The problem is my classmates.

I have been to soooo many class/school meetings about behavior and grade issues over the past 4 years. One of which a staff member said " now i know all of ain't bs-in' but why aren't those people helping the ones who are."

Like wow! Thanks. I hate it.

I'd be happy to help my fellow classmates. It's just that their version of help is cheating off my tests and copying my homework.

So yeah my bad. I've been sooo selfish.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I've been told that I'm doing a good job directly and not in front of a class as a way to embarrass them.

This year behavior was so bad that they made a competition to see which advisory would get the least demerits. Big mistake. My heart goes out to all the poor well behaved students who lost because of a few advisory mates. It only takes one. The record for most demerits in a day was 30 I think.

I forgot the competition was going on at some point cuz I've only gotten 2 demerits in 4 years. My advisory won second and we played the waiting game for our prize only to have a pizza party with 17 other advisories. The winning advisory was salty as hell. But hey we got free lunch at least.

I managed to get good grades simply by doing everything on time and having no social life. This was by choice really. I promised myself I'd do better in college but now I gotta study for ap.

It was actually ap literature that gave me a new perspective on my classmates work ethic. We were given a lengthy reading assignment but the due date was stretched by two class days and the weekend. Even though I'd been mentally drained lately ( by lately I mean since the 1st week of school ) and had other work to do, I completed it with slightly less annotations.

Upon the due date I discovered that I and one other classmate completed the reading. Even the valedictorian didn't do it!!! And this wasn't a one time thing either.

In fact my class is notorious for never doing work on time. I'm talking completing-a-project-in-the-class before-the-it's -due- for bad. And some people I understand. Some of them really need help and resources. But every one else. Excuses excuses. The extended due dates gave me extra free time but it made the work I completed on time feel pointless. Like I could've just not done it and not face any consequences.

I tried that and was stressed out all day to the point of doing the work anyway. School's got me whipped I guess.

So if I hate highschool so much why do I go on time everyday, miss at most 3 days a year, do my work, behave myself and study??? Simple. I'm trying to get out. Having a good gpa and test scores will get me more scholarships cuz God knows my mom can't afford art college ( I got into my first choice so yeah:). Really highschool has just been a means to an end.

I've had my good days and have made some friends but I really just wanna run to hills with my diploma in hand. And thats what's kept me going. But now we're quarantined.

And my school has decided to make work optional.....and I have all A's......

Needless to say I've barely done any work at all. If we never have to go back theres a good chance I won't. I'm so numb at this point that I don't care that we may not have a prom ( aka the only dance I was ever going to go to ).

I'm just done. Done and fed up.

But thank you to my mom, family, bestie, teachers and my classmates that actually want to have a future for keeping me going. If I don't completely give up it's thanks to you. Future me, I hope you get everything you want at art school:)

INFJ Personality Type

Which is your personality type? Find out here: https://www.16personalities.com/ Apparently, I am an INFJ-T, one of the 16  Myers-Briggs personality types  “making up less than 2 percent of the world’s entire population. They are nicknamed “the Advocate” and have been described as “mysterious,” “intuitive,” and “emotionally intelligent” — yet the INFJ type as a whole is often misunderstood.” (https://introvertdear.com/news/infj-signs/)

SINGS YOU’RE AN INFJ.

https://youtu.be/Stg7XGgkq94

It’s super interesting to read and learn about the Jungian archetypes and maybe it’s so fascitating for me, because I am an INFJ, just like Carl Gustav Jung himself (and many others, such as Jesus, Plato, Adolf Hitler).  

INFJ’s are old souls, we see right through you and know by our intuition how someone is feeling and we can sense if someone is true to themselves or not.

INFJ’s spend a lot of time alone with their hobbies, we are creative and always have some projects to work on. (But we also enjoy doing absolutely nothing and procrastinating).

INFJ’s care a lot about other people’s feelings and avoid conflict as much as possible. We care about others, sometimes a little too much.

A very interesting website is: https://introvertdear.com/

It describes a lot about introverts in general and gives a lot of information about INFJ, as one of those misunderstood personalities. It gave me more insight into understanding myself. I am OVERTHINKING everything A LOT, a typical INFJ behaviour...

We hate liars and two-faced, selfish people, thus we are observing people from afar.

Like with relationships, the INFJ prefer a few, but valuable items, therefore INFJs are minimalists. They prefer quality over quanitiy.

The INFJ is someone who enjoys the silence and being alone, but also has secrets and hardly opens up to others.

Sometimes we prefer staying alone, even if we feel lonely...

INFJs hate small talk, but love meaningful conversations with people they trust. Often we just feel misunderstood, so we often keep our thoughts to ourselves, especially around strangers. “One of our major pain points as INFJs is because we have been misunderstood by people so often in our lives, we assume that will never change. We presume that our lives are going to continue in the same vein, where people misunderstand us, judge us, and shun us. We may be so used to this idea that we into every social situation with that presumption in our back pocket.“Of course, no one is going to understand me if I speak, so why bother?” Thus, we may end up staying way too quiet for way too often.“ (https://introvertdear.com/news/why-infjs-go-quiet-even-though-theres-a-lot-on-their-minds/)

INFJ’s have a very helpful nature, but sometimes it drains our energy and we will need alone time to recharge. If someone hurts us repeatetly, we will close ourselves to keep us safe from emotional damage and suffering. 

INFJ’s are literally “emos” with a dark soul, who just want to be accepted for who they are. We care too much about others and are perfectionists. We keep things organized, but also want everything to be absoluetely perfect, even our relationships. We always think about the future and long-term possibilities.

But INFJs also need help sometimes and and tend to suffer from depression, anxiety, trust-issues and even burn-out. What we feel in our psyche can even hurt physically.

INFJ’s will shutdown their emotions when they are hurt and appear cold and emotionless. 

INFJs are sometimes tired of helping others and will shut down and move away from other people.

But actually they also want to keep a long-lasting relationship, just like everyone else. It’s worth taking your time getting to know an INFJ, because we are usually very nice people who just want to find someone special who takes the time for us. We take friendships and romantic relationships very seriously. “INFJs, like many introverts, are often accused of overthinking and being too “in our heads.” And yes, it’s true, sometimes this tendency of ours creates a problem for us. We lie awake thinking about something embarrassing we did five years ago. Or we pour over the conversation we had earlier in the day with you, wondering if something we said hurt or disappointed you.In truth, if we love you, we’ll spend time analyzing and reflecting on our time together. We also daydream, and yes, our fantasies will be about you.” (https://introvertdear.com/news/why-infjs-go-quiet-even-though-theres-a-lot-on-their-minds/)

INFJs sometimes just want to stay in the dark and enjoy melancholic music, arts and books.

INFJ’s are not good with verbal communication, but prefer writing. Thus they are good authors and artists.

We care extremely subborn and mostly think we are right in a discussion and we can’t stand crisisism!

INFJ’s are sometimes stubborn and honest, we say what we think straightforward.

“INFJs can be extremely stubborn when they believe that something is right. INFJs are perfectly capable of bending on things that they feel receptive to, but in some cases they can be rather firm. When the INFJ has made the choice to follow through with something, they dislike other people attempting to force their hand. They can sometimes be rather stubborn, since they have likely taken plenty of time to come to their current conclusion. They have a hard time in situations where they feel like someone is attempting to take away their independence. More than anything else, INFJs can be stubborn when it comes to asking for help. They struggle to depend on others, and do not want to be a burden.“

(https://personalitygrowth.com/heres-how-stubborn-each-personality-type-actually-is/)

There is something INFJ’s are known for, it’s the so called the INFJ Door Slam.

INFJ’s don’t door slam without reasoning. Often they are really hurt when it happens, it happens after a long time of consideration.

It’s worth the time getting to know an INFJ, because they make great friends. INFJs are good listeners and extremely empathetic, they like to motivate and inspire others and will be your greatest fan.  “INFJs have a tendency to “absorb” the emotions of the people around them. When you’re in pain, they feel your pain. When you’re happy, they’re overjoyed for you. If you want to talk to someone who will really try to see your perspective, get in your shoes, and understand where you’re coming from, the INFJ is an excellent choice.“ (https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2018/07/23/7-reasons-why-you-need-an-infj-friend-in-your-life/)

INFJs don’t have many friends, they usually only have a few close friends and one so called “soul friend”, who we want to keep forever. “This is the inner circle, the people we trust and who we have let get close. It’s the type of friendship we’re searching for; the place where INFJs find the intimate emotional and intuitive connection we crave. Many INFJs only have one person in this category and some have yet to find this connection. It’s always a very small number of people.” (https://www.jennifersoldner.com/2016/02/infj-friendship-levels.html)

If you want to find an INFJ as friend, you should keep a few things in mind, read here:

Things an INFJ needs in a friendship:

https://introvertdear.com/news/things-to-know-about-being-friends-with-an-infj/

Are you an INFJ?

Hopefully this guide has helped you understanding this rare personality type. ❤    

xyz for Mauve and lmn for Lore?

thanks!!mauve:X: Xylophone
1. what is their favorite genre of music?hmm she probably likes punk tbh
2. do they have a favorite song?in canon, no, bc its set in The Future n i didnt want to have to guess what Future Punk sounds like (hey can we. can we make futurepunk), but lbr, even in a modern au she probably ?? likes smth to obscure for me to have heard
3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?kind of the same deal as above
4. can they sing well?(i mean really that depends on who ends up voicing her BUT) my headcanon is probably no?? like i think she can probably carry a tune semi-well but thats as far as her musical talent goes
5. can they rap?(again, depends on who voices her but) probably not unless its really slow rapping and even then she probably cant keep time fjdhdhdY: You
1. how old were you when you created them?uhhhhhh shit when did stranger things come out bc it was a little before that, like mid-2016? ive found (unfortunately undated) early concepts for her character that, based on art style and certain ideas, probably date back to like early ? 2016?
2. what inspired you to create them?i have NO IDEA again i remember stranger things coming out pretty soon after i really had some solid ideas and being a little disappointed that she was so similar to eleven, but like in general ????? her earliest concepts were actually a sort of hybrid between nylus' current concept and verne's and i /think/ she was designed as a sort of. ???? parallel to verne somehow ?? that was kept a little bit but not nearly as much
3. were they different when they were first created?VERY. i dont wanna go into details bc Spoilers but she was A LOT different
4. do you enjoy writing them more than other characters?i mean depends, shes prob. one of my coolest character concepts but is one of those characters that unfortunately gets backseated a little too often in audio drama format (she's by far the least talkative out of her Main Trio and isnt always involved in the same action as nylus and auric, so) ??? i think she'd be one of my favs to write in the hypothetical television show and/or novel
5. what’s your favorite thing about them?MMMMMM cant decide ,, i love the Number Of Layers to her character that will Probably Never Get Explored except in prose but yknowZ: Zebra
1. what’s their favorite animal?i think???? probably birds. theres a Reason for this but i cant say what it is bc its a very minor spoiler
2. do they like animals?i think yes probably ? not as pets but she likes them in nature
3. cats or dogs?im tempted to say cats bc she just Seems Like A Cat Person but no, mauve definitely prefers dogs
4. what’s their dream pet?i dont think she would get a pet tbh ?? like this seems like a cop-out but genuinely she probably would not own a pet
5. do they have any pets at the moment?nopelore:L: Lemons
1. what is their favorite fruit?fuckin. like grapefruit or some shit
2. what is their least favorite fruit?The Bad Kind uhhhhh probably something other people like, such as Strawberries
3. are there any foods they hate?not really but he doesnt particularly like sweet foods
4. do they have any food intolerances?not that ive thought of, probably not
5. what is their favorite food?i genuinely dont think lore cares about food tho like hed eat A Big Bowl Of Plain Rice and think it tastes the same as something totally different and much more seasonedM: Maternal
1. would they want a daughter or a son?excuse you he'd want a little nb....,, no im jk he probably wouldnt Care abt the Gender of his Child
2. how many children do they want?like 1 or 2, if that, and only if his partner wanted them fjdhfhd
3. would they be a good parent?he'd ??? do his best but probably ultimately fail as a parent, he has no idea how to Child
4. what would they name a son? what would they name a daughter?I MEAN i dont think it works that way in this world i think the names kind of choose the child since i Guess everyones fuckin named after animals theyre connected to or time of birth or personality traits or whatever ,, also most names are gender neutral in the book hes from so. fjdhdhs
5. would they adopt?i think thats probably the only way he'd do it tbhN: Never Have I Ever
1. what would they never do?i mean thats honestly a tough question bc He Did Some Things in draft 1 that im not sure were in character but i havent actually brought him into the plot yet in draft 2??? anyway hed prob. never intentionally harm his friends or ppl he cares about
2. what have they never done that they want to do?i mean. ??? reconcile w his sister is A Big One a smaller one would probably be like. idk This Boy Cannot Stay Still so he probably wants to travel a whole lot
3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?settle down???????? get married have 2.5 kids and never do anything fun ever again???????? also, politics
4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?fuckin. running away from home to become a thief Just Because He Was Bored is probably a good contender despite that being basically his whole concept
5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?HMMMMMMM THATS A SPOILER ISNT IT