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skyeslittlecorner · 3 months

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can you post some photos on chapter five? ive been struggling to get to it and im impatient if ykwim 😭😭

Don't worry anon, I got you covered! Let's break this chapter for three parts - one for story and for one for both H-scenes. There are a lot of things to look forward to~

Warning: HEAVY SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT. In fact, I'll try to shorten the whole thing and focus on plot-relevant facts, so for those who want to go through chapter 5 on their own, come back when you're done! (Or just skip to h-scene, they are marked.)

Ch5 - STORY

First, I would like to warn that my opinion about it may be unpopular. As someone who hadn't paid much attention to Hades before, I fell in love with it after this episode. I adore ch5. A lot of people hate these boys to the core for what they did, and I understand and respect their opinion, but I'm with Hades here. I would love to analyze their behavior in more detail, but we don't have time for that today.

Summarizing this chapter is going to be hard because a lot of things happened. Let's go!

We start by going down a slide sponsored by Leviathan and his Lovecraftian friends (TM). But worry not! It seems we have friends even in the realm of death. Say hello to grandpa!

We talk a little, being in a questionable mood. Well, who wouldn't be? But we have the opportunity to know Solomon better, and I'm getting to understand why all devils love him. By the way, it turns out that we are his last descendant.

Sorry Solomon, you're still a peepaw.

He also advises us not to be afraid of Leviathan and not to be submissive to him, and then in a brilliant way he sends us back to the world of the living. Of course, our beautiful king is delighted.

We take Grandpa's advice to heart and finally stand up to Levi. He's surprised, but he doesn't try to kill us again (for now). We witness him hanging one of his subjects, who dared to ask about an accident from 311 years ago.

Fun fact. Devils must have much stronger spines. Do you know how people used to die by hanging? The first methods involved cutting off oxygen, but later they involved into breaking the cervical spine and this was considered a standard hanging execution. Leviathan must be gentle (how bad it sounds in this context), he could kill instantly with a loop like that.

Back to the point. We find out that we also have a noose around our neck, and Leviathan makes use of it. We're hanging, but we finally begin to meet Leviathan's nobles one by one.

Glasyal plots (and ends up hanging for it), Foras argues with him, along the way we learn that Leviathan needs us in his plan, and, you know, maybe killing us isn't the smartest thing he can do. Only Barbatos realizes that maybe it's a good idea to stop hanging us like wet laundry. He's the only one so openly nice to us.

Remember that.

Another fun fact, our MC is of medium height (~160 cm I guess). Leviathan is 187cm, Foras should be similar. I only noticed this because I myself am 180 cm so they are not so strappingly tall for me.

Foras wants to take us away from Levi and explain everything calmly, but the king does not agree. We learn that the guys know where the seed from the Tree of Knowledge is. We're supposed to go with them, and we have about a 50/50 chance of survival. Also, we have the opportunity to see a very rare phenomenon, a joking Leviathan.

Sweetie.

Colossally shortening the rest, the cavalry arrives! You didn't have to. I haven't had time to fuck them yet.

And this cavalry is very much at odds with the nobles of Hades. Most of the time is them arguing. Fortunately, they didn't kill each other…

...because Barbie decided to kill us.

Barbatos is poisoning us to force Bimet and Valefor to join the plan. While we are unconscious, we have flashes of Leviathan's past, which is too sad to analyze considering that we are about to jump to hot scenes now. Besides, most of us already know what this is about. Experience it for yourself. Really. We also learn that not only angels experimented on children, and a little about Mammon's childhood.

In the end, we learn that in Ch6 we must visit the abandoned laboratory in Tartaros, where the seed from the tree of knowledge should be, because as Solomon's descendants, we may be the only ones who will not be killed by it.

Ch5 - VALEFOR H-SCENE

(I really wanted to post CG from Valefor's scene here, but I don't know if Tumblr will block it.)

TIME FOR DESSERT!

Bimet is the first to realize that we lack devil energy. He wants to take care of it, but Valefor brushes him off, sends him to scout, and overall Bimet is our wingman, what a bro lol

Since we are away from Satan and Gehenna, we cannot summon Minhyeok's room. MC thinks she's outgrown it anyway. So we can count on the next scenes to be more and more creative.

It all starts with us telling Valefor that he reminds us of Mammon. And what a beast it brings out of him.

And he loves it.

...aaand then, someone wants to interrupt. Bimet informs us about this and goes to chase them out. Valefor stands with us at the door to see if anyone else is coming. Yes. Naked. With us. In us.

Fortunately, no one catches us and after the entire session we fall asleep in our knight's arms.

I really would like to do more screenshots, but tumblr is blocked… and there's one more part to come.

Ch5 - LEVIATHAN H-SCENE

At least you look beautiful and the platform won't block you.

And here's what I love the most. It was sick. I'd love to experience it again.

I would love to make a whole post ONLY about this and just leave the screenshots.

We are in Leviathan's office, and he interrogates us when we feel like we are lacking devil energy. We want to go to Bimet, but do you think our jealous king will allow it? Oh no no no. And of course, his hands land on our chin and then our neck. He doesn't like our hickeys.

We start asking him valid questions like "why are you jealous of us if you hate us?" So he silences us with a kiss. A deep, suffocating kiss. This is also how Leviathan discovers that we gain their energy through "intercourse with the devil".

And how can I not fall in love with this idiot.

The conversation that follows gives us some light on his approach to sex and to relationships in general. Which is… sad. It fits him perfectly, but it's sad. And I would also like to analyze this someday, this character is beautiful and how he's written is even more beautiful, especially from writer's point of view. He does not want the admiration of his people or the hatred of angels. The only thing he can believe and consider to be sincere is that someone's dislike. This is something that might actually turn him on.

At first he rules, he asks questions and he hangs us. And he does everything he can to piss us off. He hands us a whip and lowers us down.

Just disliking him isn't enough, and he works diligently to make us hate him. He insults Minhyeok, us, wishes us dead, and the more he sees our anger, the more he gets excited and talks more. He knows that we are connected to Satan and we will know how to release our anger. On him.

He finally got what he wanted. We straddle him and, with the help of Satan's strength, begin to strangle him. Neither you nor he are gentle.

Also, his words (unfortunately, I already have a limit on screenshots). "Do not bite your lips. Bite mine instead." I beg, let me violate him even more.

Compliment from Leviathan, nice. In the end, we fall asleep cuddled up to him, and he has no intention of giving us up to anyone. As in the case of Sitri, he only opens up to us when we are so unconscious that we do not see his softer side.

꧁:･ ✡ ･:꧂

AND THATS ALL! What a ride it was, I hope I was a good guide. One day I will go into the Hades boys in more depth, but for now, let this be a shortcut for everyone who is still struggling with ch5.

#whb #what in hell is bad #whb leviathan #whb foras #whb glasyalabolas #whb barbatos #whb bimet #whb valefor #whb spoiler

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miwtual · 2 years

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I don’t go here but Naruto? Also you should watch Abbott Elementary!! It’s really good

tysm for the rec jackie!! ive seen u and i think a few others post about it and it seems like a nice watch, ill have to try it out!! also asking about naruto even tho u dont know it <3 u get to hear me talk about one of my favorite childhood animes snkdjfs

favorite male character: naruto uzumaki bc i do, in fact, have a soft spot for sunshine protagonists skjdfsl

favorite female character: sakura haruno idc if half the people who have ever seen naruto hate her she is MY girl i love her

least favorite character: danzo all my homies hate danzo (he sucks dw about it)

prettiest character: hinata hyuga 🥺

funniest character: gaara, not bc he tells jokes, but hes so Serious ALL THE TIME that he ends up being funny by accident

favorite season: (for the sake of making this easier on me im changing this to favorite arc again JHSNKDF) the land of waves arc!! its LITERALLY the first 20 episodes of naruto but its an arc that is ingrained in my head and has been for YEARS so it feels wrong if i dont put it here as my fave

favorite episode: episode 311 of naruto (shippuden, which is also naruto but they're 3 years older and are Better Ninjas now skdf) its the prologue for my favorite naruto movie road to ninja which is just. utter nonsense JSKJHB but its fun light hearted nonsense yknow what i mean. its fun i have a good time watching it. similarly there is episode 271 which is sort of also like road to ninja and is the episode where this gifset i made comes from <3

favorite romantic ship: neji and tenten!! i wish it had happened :(

favorite family ship: ngl most of the families in naruto suck SJDK i cant really think of any. the inoshikacho team dynamic which is passed down thru their families is the only one i can think of even tho those three arent technically related

favorite friend ship: naruto and sasuke's, they try so hard to be rivals that they ended up being best friends JBHSKDF

worst ship: ill be bold and say naruto and hinata, i know theyre canon now but she LITERALLY couldnt have a conversation with him for like 300 episodes of a 500+ episode series JHBNJKLFDMS

send me a tv show or movie

#kai.answer #ask game #jackie 🔮#thank u for indulging me for a minute here jackie JSFDK

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secretlynestaarcheron · 7 years

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Amnesia // Fanfic

Modern AU // Nessian

“When are you going to get here?” Cassian whines on the other side of the phone, Nesta rolls her eyes as she stays focus on the road. She was supposed to go up to the cabin with the rest of the gang last night but she had an emergency at work, so here she was driving up a mountain when it was pitch dark and raining.

“I’ll be there soon, does anyone suspect anything?” she asks, biting the bottom of her lip. Two days ago during a fight Cassian had randomly asked her to marry her and after making out they decided to have an impromptu surprise wedding at the cabin this weekend with all of their friends.

“Nope, I haven’t said a word to anyone. Aren’t you proud?” he asks, and she can practically hear the cheesy smile he’s wearing. “Unless everyone knows but they’re keeping it a secret because they know we want it to be a secret.”

“If they knew I would of had Mor calling me asking me what I am doing with my hair,” Nesta retorts, “I should really go, it’s starting to rain really hard here.”

“Do we really have to stick with the whole ‘not seeing each other the night before the wedding?’,” he asks, and then adds, “I already haven’t seen you for a day and its been misery.”

“Well, suck it up, it’s a tradition and I am sticking to it,” she retorts, “and before you ask, no I am not going to call you. You get cranky when you don’t get enough sleep and I am not having you be cranky on our wedding day.”

“Fine, I love you and I like you,” he says.

Nesta smiles as she replies, “I love you and I like you.”

“So, your getting married,” Cassian looks up to see Rhys standing in his doorway. Cassian mouth drops and he must have a surprised look on his face because Rhys continues, “Your my brother, did you really think I wouldn’t figure it out? Feyre and Az have their suspicious but I don’t think they know.”

“Nesta will kill me if she knows you know,” Cassian says, “She really wants this to be a surprise.”

“Your secrets safe with me,” he says, sitting down next to me. “I didn’t think I would ever see the day when a girl would tie you down but I am glad its happening. It’s funny to see you acting whipped.”

Cassian shoves him lightly, “I am actually really nervous. I didn’t think I would be this nervous. It’s just Nesta.”

“Its just Nesta? Have you met that girl? She’s terrifying,” Rhys jokes, and Cassian shoves him again. “Is she on her way?”

Cassian looks out the window watching the rain pound onto the ground, “Yeah, I called her two hours ago and she said she was almost here.”

His phone starts buzzing, “That must be her,” he says reaching over to the nightstand to grab it. He frowns at the unrecognizable number. “Hello?”

“Hi, I am Nancy from Prythian Memorial Hospital, is this Cassian?” the person asks.

“Yes, it is. Can I help you?” He asks warily.

“I have you down as Nesta Archerons emergency contact. She was brought in an hour ago, she was in a severe car accident,” Nancy says.

Cassian shoots up, “Is she okay? Is she awake?”

“She’s currently in surgery, the doctors are extremely hopeful. Unfortunately, I can’t give any other information over phone-,”

“I’ll be there soon,” he says hanging up and search the room for his shoes.

“Whats wrong?” Rhys asks, standing up and following Cassian out of his room. “Where are you going?”

“Nesta’s in the hospital,” he states grabbing his leys and grabbing a jacket.

“Nesta’s in the hospital? Since when? Is she okay?” Feyre asks, stepping out of the room that she shared with Rhys.

“The hospital just called me, she was in a car accident,” Cassians says, running a hand through his hair. “I’ve got to go.”

“Okay, I’ll drive you there. Feyre why don’t you wake up the others and we’ll meet you there,” Rhys offers, Cassian doesn’t hear Feyres responses because he has a million questions running through his head. What if she doesn’t make it?

“Here,” Mor says, Cassian looks up to see her holding a coffee out towards her. “You look exhausted.”

“Thanks, Mor, thats what I need to hear,” Cassian retorts, he turns and stands when he sees a nurse walking over. “Is she awake?”

“Yes, and she’s asking for Elain and Feyre,” the nurse says. Elain and Feyre both look up and the nurse turns to them. “I can show you to her room.”

Cassian steps forward and the nurse holds up her hand, “You should wait, we don’t want to overwhelm her.”

Cassian falls back in his seat and closes his eyes. At least she was awake.

What felt like an eternity later, Feyre comes back in the waiting room. “You should go see her. She’s in room 311,” she says, and Cassian shoots out of his seat. “Her memory is a little foggy.”

Cassian practically runs down the hall searching for room 311, he steps in and Nesta breaks out into a smile. “Thank the Stars, I am starving,” she says, sitting up.

Cassian frowns, “What?”

“Aren’t you the nurse that brings all the food around? I feel like I haven’t eaten in years,” she says.

“Um no, I am Cassian?” he says, “Do you not remember me?”

She frowns and her eyebrows furrow, “I am sorry, I don’t remember anyone named Cassian.”

A/N: Wow its been a hot minute since I’ve written anything. School is crazy.

#Amnesia Au #Nessian #ACOTAR

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wwereaderinserts · 7 years

Text

MOBILE MASTERLIST (Updated 11/6/19)

Baron Corbin Sing Along - Fluff, 230 words Impressing Me - Smut, 563 words

Big Cass What’s Cookin’, Good Lookin’? - Fluff, 721 words

Bray Wyatt Triad (Bray x Reader x Dean) - Smut, 1,209 words Sister Abigail - 436 words Cooling Off (Bray x Reader x Dean) - Smut, 1,054 words Cornerstone - Smut, 703 words

CM Punk How To Love - Smut, 958 words Pipe Bomb - Smut, 1,172 words

Damien Sandow Sonic Shakes - Fluff, 327 words

Dean Ambrose Sweet Nothings - 400 words Saved - 740 words Ambrose To The Rescue - 395 words One More Try - Fluff, 848 words Father Material - Fluff, 595 words You’re Mine - 400 words Blind Date - Fluff, 1,066 words Baby Girl - Fluff, 280 words Anger Management - Smut, 950 words Peculiar - 205 words Good Parents - Fluff, 522 words Just Banter - Fluff, 337 words PDA - Fluff, 271 words That’s My Girl - Fluff, 509 words Pure Shores - Fluff, 410 words Incoherent Words - 410 words Slip Up - Fluff, 791 words Texts - Fluff, 650 words Happy Accident - Fluff, 1,780 words Bad - Smut, 650 words Spell It Out - Fluff, 600 words Playing Rough - Smut, 1,150 words Rumours And Speculation - Fluff, 490 words Training Session - Smut, 1,500 words Sacrifice - 372 words Saying Goodbye - Fluff, 350 words Cold Shower - Fluff, 720 words Fatherly Instinct - Fluff, 566 words Battle Scars - Fluff, 282 words The Blessing - Fluff, 612 words The Proposal - Fluff, 810 words Fury - Smut, 905 words Cramps And Mood Swings - Fluff, 328 words Here For A Fight - Fluff, 255 words Expecting - 677 words Feels Like The First Time - Smut, 1,110 words For Your Own Amusement - Implied smut, 610 words She’s A Knockout - Fluff, 355 words Spice Things Up - 495 words Hungry Like The Wolf - Implied smut, 290 words Lending A Hand - Smut, 460 words The Neighbours Hate Us - 327 words Take What’s Mine - Smut, 1,635 words Birthday Boy (Dean x Reader x Paige) - Smut, 1,111 words Our Little Girl - 575 words Quickie - Smut, 905 words Slip, Slide In The Tub - Smut, 698 words No Patience - Smut, 580 words Test Of Willpower - Implied smut, 600 words Intoxicating - 452 words Breaking And Entering - 509 words Father’s Day - Fluff, 354 words Mother’s Day - Fluff, 763 words Chained - Smut, 830 words In-Ring Proposal - Fluff, 570 words Closure - Angst, 1,235 words Consolation - Smut, 701 words Kicking And Screaming - Fluff, 248 words Little Sister - 1,147 words Helping Hand - Fluff, 530 words Like A Tag Team (Dean x Reader x Paige) - Smut, 1,497 words Phone Moan - Smut, 526 words Post-Payback - 331 words Dessert - Smut, 1,050 words Off-Day - Fluff, 225 words Rock Your World - Smut, 1,616 words Lunatic Champion - Smut, 757 words Officer Ambrose - Smut, 1,164 words Mercy - Smut, 347 words Dirty Work - Smut, 1,159 words Third Wheeling - Fluff, 507 words Saving Water - Smut, 986 words Hooked - 544 words Ap-PEEL-ing - 396 words ...It Was Almost A Date - Smut, 848 words The Magic Words - Smut, 576 words Skype Call - Implied smut, 677 words “Happy Birthday, Darlin’.” - Smut, 1,073 words Blood Play - Smut, 865 words Nurse - Fluff, 320 words Gratitude - Smut, 1,088 words Last Night - Implied smut, 353 words Way To Unwind - Smut, 772 words Innocent Act - 518 words Lunch Date - 882 words I’m No Good - 577 words Scratched And Bruised - Smut, 1,095 words Recompense - Smut, 1,419 words Durable - Smut, 1,378 words Overpowering - Smut, 693 words Comfort - Fluff, 505 words The Texas Rattlesnake’s Approval - 1,700 words Scratch Marks - Implied smut, 553 words Horse Riding - 610 words Settling The Score (Dean x Reader x Seth) - Smut, 1,980 words It’s My Shirt Now - 742 words Had Me Worried Sick - Fluff, 592 words I’m Here For You - Fluff, 430 words Play Fighting - Fluff, 538 words Hiccups - Fluff, 345 words Sex Jokes - 654 words A Distraction - Fluff, 473 words Pokemon Hunting - Fluff, 429 words Massage - 530 words Freckles - Fluff, 411 words That Time Of The Month - 454 words The Birthday Boy - Fluff and implied smut, 790 words Fun In The Back Seat - Smut, 1,411 words Zoo Date - Fluff, 506 words Premarital Lovin’ - Smut, 929 words Ties - Smut, 1,138 words Cheesecake Thief - 2,182 words

Dolph Ziggler Morning Workout - 471 words Silly Little Crush - Fluff, 513 words

Elias Samson Six String Troubles - 672 words

Enzo Amore “I’ll Tell You A Truth.” - 381 words One And Only - Fluff, 295 words

Finn Balor Sweet Victory - Smut, 709 words Lust - Smut, 628 words Walking Masterpiece - 205 words Draft Night - Fluff, 665 words Those Blue Eyes - Fluff, 1,400 words

Hideo Itami Told You Sooner - Fluff, 321 words Comfort - Smut, 560 words

Jeff Hardy Protective - Fluff, 385 words Flyin’ High - Fluff, 1,185

Joey Mercury Lonely Together - 552 words

Jon Moxley One Night Stand - Smut, 1,235 words Whiskey Kisses - Smut, 2,178 words Sexting (Wedged Spinoff) - Smut, 636 words The Tattoo (Wedged Spinoff) - 762 words Painting Walls - 426 words Save It For The Ring - 1,301 words The Calm Before The Storm (Wedged Spinoff) - 2,524 words

Kevin Owens Tug Of War (Kevin x Reader x Sami) - 536 words

Nikki Bella Not What It Looks Like (Nikki x Reader x Paige) - Smut, 681 words

Paige Praise - Smut, 929 words

Randy Orton Tough Lovin’ - Smut, 642 words Worth The Wait - Smut, 873 words Patience Is A Virtue - Smut, 840 words Don’t Mess With The Viper - Smut, 599 words Humbled - Smut, 650 words The Wedding Night - Smut, 1,132 words Take It Out On Me - Smut, 1,378 words Stranded - Smut, 2,160 words

Roman Reigns Snow Angels - Fluff, 195 words Movie Day - Fluff, 238 words Family Day - Fluff, 1,120 words Hair - Fluff, 360 words My Superman - Fluff, 425 words Insecure - Fluff, 374 words Under My Skin - 238 words Pride And Joy - Fluff, 273 words Claim Me - 283 words Fighting Instinct - 545 words Damage - 418 words Therapeutic Effect - Fluff, 210 words First Date - Smut, 1,085 words Blame It On The Alcohol - 843 words Termination - Angst, 285 words With Child - 330 words Blood Brothers - 311 words Back Home - Smut, 675 words Sex, Sweat, And Liquor - Smut, 3,155 words The Honeymoon Night - Smut, 1,230 words Fragments Of You - 1,900 words The Massage - Fluff, 570 words The Birds and The Bees - Fluff, 1,215 words

Sami Zayn Be My Champion? - Fluff, 470 words

Seth Rollins Dancing - Fluff, 557 words Treat - Smut, 600 words Cravings - 265 words Massage - 715 words No Love Lost - Smut, 709 words Snooping - Smut, 665 words Lethargic - Fluff, 505 words Lock Screen - Fluff, 400 words Liquid Confidence - 440 words Playing Cupid - Fluff, 480 words Solace - Fluff, 250 words The Butterfly Effect - Fluff, 777 words Common Courtesy - 840 words It’s Difficult - Fluff, 409 words Staring Contest - Fluff, 349 words Drifting - 685 words “Good Morning, Gorgeous.” - Smut, 1,641 words Comforting Him - 487 words Beach Day - Fluff, 705 words Baby Names - Fluff, 428 words Trying For A Baby - Smut, 577 words Competitive Spirit - Fluff, 450 words The Sex Tape - Smut, 810 words Surprise! - Fluff, 343 words Enticing - Smut, 827 words The Camping Trip - 1,841 words Sunset - Fluff, 1,519 words

Solomon Crowe Let ‘Em Stare - 469 words

Ted DiBiase Post-Engagement - Fluff, 272 words Axxess - Fluff, 292 words Nuptial Bliss - Fluff, 742 words

The Shield Triple Threat - Smut, 1,803 words The Morning After - 740 words Pipe Bombshell - 475 words Poker Face - 1,397 words Brotherly Dispute - 457 words Possessions - 886 words An Unforgettable Birthday - Smut, 2,005 words What You Wanted - Smut, 2,209 words

Triple H Return To The Ring - Fluff, 780 words

Tyler Breeze Actions Speak Louder Than Words - Fluff, 235 words

Multi Chapter Fics

Wedged (Jon Moxley x Reader) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

In For The Kill (Dean x Reader x Roman) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Meet And Greet (Dean x Reader) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Conflicted (Seth x Reader x Dean) Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Power Couple (Dean x Reader) [COMPLETE] Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

#mobile masterlist

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letterstotheunderworld-blog · 5 years

Text

Moms are always a mystery.

Dear Mom

I think one of the reasons I am having so much trouble processing this, is that I am way up here, isolated in my world... I didn’t go down there like I tried to, should have, was going to, wanted to, aborted that trip when my sister said “wait, don’t, she passed, your brother will come for the funeral, we have to wait for him” but not he’s not coming and everything is frozen in limbo...

It’s not the frozen in limbo part causing the hangup tho.

It’s that by the very Nature of what a parent, especially a Mother, IS... a child never really... /knows/ them.

I mean... Well. You weren’t what we all knew after you got Dementia- everyone would agree with THAT, right? THAT part is easy! That damn thing robbed you of everything you were and it was a nightmare.

But you also weren’t who I knew as an adult, far away from you, for many of those years... because by then, you were settled into a holding pattern of ‘retirement’ with my Father. He’d become a recluse of sorts, and you stayed with him. You just made a choice. You gave up everything you HAD been... and you started changing, turning INTO him.

Maybe that was the very beginning of a kind of pre-Dementia personality change or memory loss or something, but... maybe it was something else too.

I was the ‘baby’ and you were like, what, 40+ when I came along!

You had already BEEN so much. You had three kids who were almost grown up, and I was an accident!

They told you there was no way you could have more kids, and they had paid Dad off in the Air Force for making him “sterile” with Agent Orange and other exposures... so he had so few swimmies they said he couldn’t get anyone pregnant anyway, on his own.

The odds should have been astronomical.

ha.

Surprise.

You used to joke that you didn’t sleep around because a Man could WINK at you and you’d get pregnant... that you should have known better than to trust a doctor saying that- but you always had a glimmer to your eye and a laugh, because I knew for YOU “accident” was happy and amusing- tho you DID have them yank everything when I was born, so... ahem. WELL.

But by the time I was able to ‘know’ the kind of person you were, you were already starting to ‘wind down’... as all adults do. Settle into a more sedate version of yourself. By the time I left home, you’d become a house homebody, and didn’t go out for things unless it was a special occasion- just like how my Father never left for anything but his walks at the Airport...

I heard stories, growing up, about you... about your life... especially FROM You! From your Mother, my Grandmother... from my siblings... from your sister or other family members... but I didn’t /know/ you then.

And in that way, it’s a little weird to realize that the spirit who lurks around me now, the energetic, wise mother, the psychic woman who was once courted by professional psychics but turned them down... the woman who ran groups for others, or worked full time on her own, or owned a nightclub in Reno, who did so many wild and crazy things... isn’t the woman I knew, really. (And yet IS, of course!)

The wild and crazy younger you, is STILL a part of the older you, and all those things, rolled into one, are what makes up the DECEASED you.

It’s kind of mind-blowing, don’t you think?

You’ll never know your own Mother in life.

She is so many things you can’t imagine... not without talking to the people who knew her when she was that different person before you were born, and as you were growing up.

So today was spent mostly wandering around with my mind blown.

Oh, and bowling.

Yeah- a friend's son- we moved here when he was only 10! He turned 16 today... we went to his bowling birthday party, and I bowled a nice game... an 82 and a 70... we didn’t do three games, but I thought that was pretty good for an old guy who hasn’t bowled much in the last decade...

Nothing like your old scores, of course! ...they can’t imagine!! ...I saw them all looking at the ‘high scores’ on the wall... 311? Pfft. Mom was doing 389′s. She had a Bowling Ball with her name on it- well, initials? “Phyl”. ...yeah... she kicked butt.

I miss when I belonged to the disabled leagues, and when a friend of Jim’s came over to ASL at us (he’s deaf) I tried hard to communicate back. I pushed myself not to get shy and turn away. I want to learn again. I want to be friends with him.

They are starting a Special Olympics team... I want to volunteer to help out, to bowl and play and work with them. It isn’t anything you’d be surprised about- you know me very well that way.

But this world... you wouldn’t recognize. How vicious it’s gotten. How brave I am being, going out into it now.

We’ll talk about that some other day, but not today.

Today I was just focusing on getting out of bed, and bowling.

Engaging. Trying not to grieve /so/ hard I forgot that this is grief because I loved you- not because I lost you.

So Mom, I hope you saw my wicked-ass bowling stikes... AND my hysterical gutterballs.

I do a mean happydance for a fat old guy.

and yea. I DO look like my Father.

Ha.

Life is funny.

Love You.

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