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mygiantesslove · 6 years

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Christmas Eve at My Cousins Feet

No Escape From This Shrinking Nightmare (15)

December 24th 7:53 PM.

It was Strange. Jake had been trying to get away from his cousin's feet this whole night but the weirdest thought popped into his head when he gave up from trying to get his giant family’s attention. “”I may as well just walk right back into Bianca's sock and go back to being her foot slave."”

“Why would I say that? Am I going crazy or something? For a second it seemed like I almost wanted to go back to being her foot slave? But that’s just stupid why would I want to do that?”

You look over to where she's sitting next to her mother on the loveseat and see her pretending to smile happily at the presents she's received. The more you stare at her the more you realize how pretty she's gotten in recent years. You look down at her feet and see them slipping in and out of her shoes, curling her toes and stretching her arches. Almost as if she misses you under her feet and needs you to be there.

“Does she really want me to be under her feet that bad that she can’t even wait a few hours? She must really want to play with me under her feet so much that her feet are getting antsy? Does she miss me that much? When she first shrunk me I thought I would be used as a common toy or object but it seems that she really Needs me to be under her foot to be happy. I never knew I meant that much to her.”

Even more crazy thoughts are entering your head and you try to push them out. Your goal is to escape your captresses clutches, not find new ways to please her and sympathize with her need of keeping a tiny boy prisoner under her smelly feet. It feels nice to be needed by someone, especially a hot girl, but not if she's 100 times your size and can do anything she wants to you.

“I have to focus. If I can’t get my relatives attention now, I should try somewhere else. Maybe their bedrooms? But I am getting pretty tired and Bianca’s room does have a nice soft sock for me to sleep in even if it does smell pretty bad. It’s going to be freezing tonight, maybe if I'm lucky Bianca will put her foot in her sock and I can snuggle up to her nice and warm sole. The soles of her feet are really smooth. I didn’t exactly enjoy being crushed underneath them and stepped on but at least her skin was soft. I wonder if she moisturizes her feet? If she doesn’t think of it first I can volunteer to rub some lotion on her heel and up to her toes. This way her feet will smell better and I can have a smoother sole to step on me while she walks through her day using me as her insole.”

Your brain is getting Warped and Crazy. You can’t believe what you’re saying! You’re already trying to please Bianca's feet and you still have a chance of escaping. But you don’t know how you’re going to do that exactly if no one can see you. So maybe….just maybe… There is no escape from this Shrinking Nightmare.

You have to think what your aunt would say if you told her Bianca, her perfect daughter, was the one responsible for shrinking you and making you tour her body and be crushed by her finer assets. Would she even believe you? Probably not considering she didn’t believe you when you told her about this morning’s incident and they grounded you for lying.

If you tried to convince them now would your family believe you or punish you for lying? This seems like a bad idea since there are a lot more dangerous and humiliating things they can do to you when you’re the size of Tom Thumb.

“I can’t believe I'm saying this but could going back to being Bianca’s foot slave be the only safe way out of this. She is very Beautiful and I'm sure a lot of guys would love to have a chance to be her slave for the day, but for how long can I take being a teenage girls property? I have no way of contacting anybody and if I did who knows if they’ll believe me or not. If I stay still long enough I’m likely to end up as red paste underneath someone’s shoe but if I go back to Bianca ill be made her slave for the rest of my life. I’m too small to survive on my own. This sucks. I'm completely helpless unless someone wants to take care of me and that only leaves one person. I can’t believe it, but I need Bianca’s feet as much as she needs me. Maybe if I’m a good slave she’ll start treating me nicer and maybe keep me as a pet who willingly massages her feet.”

Your common sense is still trying to send messages to your brain that no man should be a “pet” to a teenage girl who humiliates them under their feet. But right now your brain isn’t listening and is only thinking about your own survival and the quickest way to happiness in this brand new Giantess World you now live in.

A single node of knowledge manages to slip into your brain and you say

“Well, I don’t have to willingly be her pet right away. But I have to sleep somewhere tonight so I’ll try out being Bianca’s foot slave for a little bit and then decide if I should escape again. She’s not that smart if I did it once I can do it again?”

Jake Smith walks down the deserted hallway and takes one last look at his happy family enjoying their Christmas party without him. You say sadly and defeated.

“Its almost as if they don’t appreciate me at all……at least Bianca does...…even if it is only because I worship her feet….…it still feels nice to be needed.”

Jake crawls underneath Bianca’s bedroom door and climbs up her bed to where her socks are tied around her bedpost. He crawls down the sock and into the hole which he escaped from. The strong stinky smell of his cousin's feet greet him as he burrows back into his temporary sock home and he tries to patch up the hole he made so Bianca won’t notice and get angry.

Jake lies down and takes a nice nap in his comfortable cotton hammock. The next noise he would hear would be Bianca yelling and then being dumped onto her bed in front of the two large teenaged soles he seems committed to serving.

#giantess #g/t #g/t writing

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dmydfilmreviews · 7 years

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DIRTY GRANDPAAA?

Here’s an entirely unedited review by somebody else of the BEST FILM ON NETFLIZZZZZ RIGHT NOW

DUTTY

A review of that film with that bad grandpa called Bad Grandpa but wait, haven't we already watched Bad Grandpa with the Jackass man being an old bad grandpa? WHY ARE BOTH THESE FILMS CALLED BAD GRANDPA WHICH ONE AM I REVIEWING WHICH ONE DID WE WHY ARE THEY-

Answer: they're not.

THIS one was Dirty Grandpa. The one with Bobby De Dirty Niro.

Apparently, I liked a lot of things about this film. Here's a Disaronno-sticky list of crap I thought was worth remembering that I found down the sofa.

• Foul cousin Nick

• Dog cum

• Make Zac Effron marry his Grandpa

• Her car sucks hahaha

• No.3 – Always Butt Fucking

• Aubrey Plaza WILL fuck him. She will.

• DIRTY

• “I want to FUCK a horse and DRINK IT'S BLOOD.” - Robert De Niro.

• Altzeimers

• Is Robert De Niro going to fuck Zac Effron?

• “IT'S FLORIDA, THESE PEOPLE DON'T MATTER.”

• This is what happens when you get emotional drunk, PROPER emotional drunk. You just want to ruin everything. (dear god.)

• Different worlds of ass holes

• “I JUST SMOKED CRACK. USA! USA! USA!”

• The lawyer/jail bit is boring. ...NO IT ISN'T.

• “Who's the lesbian? Is she here to scissor with me?” - Danny Glover is a war hero named 'Stinky' and this is pretty much all he says.

• Dirty Danny

• “WE GOT FAT GOOSE.”

• “Nice dick. Ya gotcha grandpa's dick.”

• BARE. DICK.

• Insane fuck rampage

• Early questionable stuff is okay because Robert De Niro is a SAINT

• Zac Effron should be Jared Leto's little brother in some fucking awful movie

• Andre the Giant finger fucking.

• “Are you coming or dying?”

What do you feel like doing after a bereavement? Crying a lot probably. Wallowing, reminiscing, filling the endless void inside you with all the tiny tasty canapés your mum ordered way too many of for the after-funeral gathering. Maybe you drink heavily, maybe you lock yourself away from everyone.

Maybe you get a new lease of life, an urge to 'seize the day' and go do all the things you think your dead loved one would want you to get on doing now they're gone.

In this stupid-ass film, dirty old Grandpa De Niro's wife dies and he tells his grandson he wants to fuck a horse and drink it's blood. After losing the woman he loved, he feels like being entirely disgraceful and chaotic and not very politically correct and loud and old and rampant. Any of those words should be put on the posters as a one word review. And let's all be honest for a moment, who hasn't felt like doing all that when life has kicked you in the tits?

It turns out all this crazy old man behaviour is everything that goody-engaged-two-shoes guy from High School Musical who got all growed up and hot is trying not to be. Because he's all engaged and shit and that always ALWAYS makes you boring in films. Always. But he's forced to help out his poor ol' grandpa so obviously, hilarity ensues. What a clash of personalities AMMIRIGHT?

They have to go on a road trip. I don't remember or care why. But somewhere along the way to Zac Effron's snooty fiancé's house (I think that's where they were going) they find self-professed fucker of old people Aubrey Plaza, a token gay guy and some arty student type who Zac Effron will eventually realise is THE ONE FOR HIM because she feeds his soul or some shit. (Look, I don't remember any of the character's actual names, except Foul Cousin Nick apparently, why the hell would I?) And from then on I honestly cannot explain what else happens.

I just can't.

Go ahead and re-read the bullet points and figure something out.

This film is garbage. But kind of FUN garbage, like a big mountain of it you can climb at the dump then realise you can't get down from.

It's stuff you shouldn't really find funny but the sheer ridiculousness of it all makes you laugh anyway. It's mental and gross and pretty much just keeps going with whatever the hell it's doing right the way through.

Which is a good side of mourning to show I suppose, if we really want to find any kind of meaning in this bizarre crap, which apparently I do. Nobody except your therapist really goes into the parts of bereavement where your brain goes mad and wants to do stupid shit. So in a way, it's refreshing to see Robert De Niro go on an insane fuck rampage to combat his grief. Plus he gets his dick out RIGHT IN ZAC EFFRON'S FACE. RIGHT IN IT.

It's come to my attention that can't really write a coherent review about this mess, maybe because I haven't written shit in months and decided to drink at least a third of my body weight in Disaronno and coke during the viewing, maybe because because I can't fully explain why I'm not giving it a teeny tiny 'd'.

I just know that I laughed a hell of a lot, which is always a good sign, and kept thinking people need to lighten up. Yes it's stupid, it's by no means a 'good' film and it's borderline obnoxious a vast majority of the time, but THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT ENJOYABLE. All the other reviews for it were terrible

IMAGE NOT AVAILABLE

so to some extent, if you're anything like me, which we can only hope you're not, you'll probably end up finding it funny because so many people have told you NOT to find it funny.

Come on, that makes total sense and you know it. Everyone has films like that. This, apparently, is one of mine.

It's a puerile and crude and 'bad-taste' kind of comedy that you either just get or you don't. It's the kind of funny that if you find yourself watching it with somebody who just don't geddit, you'll be shouting COME ON, HE'S GOT HIS DICK OUT through slugs of some awful cheap booze and snorts of laughter and- oh God.

Maybe I'm stupid. Like, maybe I've just gotten stupider and my comedic values have disintegrated entirely.

Or maybe I should have more faith in myself and just accept things I enjoy without having to over analyse or feel ashamed of them?

Wait, I've got it. It's like farting. It's like being in a room full of people and accidentally doing a huge fart. There will be that moment of mortified silence on your part, where you debate whether to go limp and pretend you've fallen down and died, or laugh it off. If you're lucky, someone else will laugh first, causing a chain reaction that makes the whole situation less awkward. If you're not, I'd go with the body-crumple death fake out.

The people who laugh it up are probably more fun to talk to and get drunk with. The people who don't need to calm down and LAUGH AT A BIG FART.

This film is a big fart. Only you can decide whether you laugh in the face of farting and have fun with it or be a sensible adult and find it all very vulgar and childish.

I think we need to wrap this up before we delve further into my brain problems. I did just write a whole section about farting at parties.

I liked it. It's an 'm'. It was fun and stupid and we need more fun and stupid right now. Shove it on with a bottle of sweet alcoholic gunk and a couple of close friends who like farting and work your stomach muscles out for a good hour and fourty-nine minutes. I'm also an overly emotional post broken-up with wreck who needs to laugh at anything or she'll end up crying in the bath for five hours so maybe that played a humongous part in why I enjoyed it quite a bit BUT LET'S NOT.

Come on, lighten up and laugh at some dick jokes. It'll be a BLAST. Right before we all explode in a nuclear shit storm.

(I promised myself I wouldn't mention Trump but I did. I DID. I CAN'T NOT. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE SO LET'S LAUGH OURSELVES STUPID WHILE WE CAN AAAAAAAAAGODAAAAAHAHAHAAA)

....Trailer?

#robert de niro #dirty grandpa #netflix #zac efron #aubrey plaza #comedy #cinema #film #movie #movie blog #cinema blog #film blog #movie review #cinema review #film review #maybe

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