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farfromharry · 3 years

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always (part seven) | harry holland series

summary: you and lily spend christmas day with the hollands and you couldn’t be happier

word count - 2.1k

a/n - merry christmas!!

It was officially only days before christmas and Lily was already almost 2 weeks old, which you couldn’t believe. You’d gotten help to make sure you had everything prepared present wise, but you and Lily were going to spend actual Christmas day with the Hollands.

A sudden distressed cry woke you from your sleep, pushing yourself out of your bed to tend to your babygirl. You moved around to the other side of your bed, your baby looking at you with teary eyes and a red face.

“Oh, there’s my little angel.” You gently lifted her from her crib, holding her against your chest and gently stroking her back. You bounced her gently, pressing kisses to her head to try and soothe her.

“You’re okay.” She continued to wail in your ear, your heart aching for your precious girl.

“You hungry darling?” You looked at her distressed face, taking a seat on your bed, lifting your shirt up to let her latch on.

You sighed, leaning your head back and glancing at the time on your phone screen. 4:23am.

“We’re gonna have to get you a better sleep schedule baby.” After she was done feeding, you carefully laid her back down in her crib, watching over her for a few minutes to make sure she was okay, before climbing back into bed yourself. You were out like a light the second your head hit your pillow, you were utterly exhausted.

The next morning you were woken again by loud babbles from Lily, checking the time and seeing it was almost 10am.

You sighed, pushing yourself out of bed and scooping the girl up in your arms. Harry would be coming over soon anyway. You changed Lily’s nappy and dressed her in a fluffy purple onesie, making your way into your living room to set her down in the kitchen, so you could make breakfast.

“Y/n?” You called back with a ‘hey’, letting Harry know where you were.

He entered the kitchen with a smile, moving over to the little baby to give her some affection.

“There's my favourite little girl.” She babbled, reaching up to try and touch his face. He carefully picked her up out of her high chair, pressing kisses to her cheeks and having a mini conversation with her. At least as best he could considering she didn’t understand anything he was saying.

“So, how’s it going being a mum?” Harry asked, entranced with the girl in his arms who was grabbing at his fingers.

“I adore her but,” You paused, seeing Harry look up in concern at the ‘but’. “I’m so stressed and sleep deprived.” Harry could see how tense you were, he’d noticed how tired you looked when he first came in, but he didn’t want to sound rude.

“I didn’t realise it’d be this hard by myself.” You complained.

“Let me look after her for a few hours,” He offered. “Go and catch up on some sleep.” You were hesitant, feeling bad to burden him with Lily, but also growing slightly protective over her.

“She’ll be okay, would i ever let you down?” You shook your head, thanking him.

“Be good for Harry.” You kissed her head, Harry pouting when he didn’t get a forehead kiss too.

“Anyone would think you’re the newborn.” He grinned, accepting your kiss with a smile.

“Have a good sleep.”

“Thank you,” A lightbulb went off in your head, realising he didn’t know what to do. You turned back around to tell him and he simply rolled his eyes. “If she cries, there’s a bottle in the fridge, just heat it up, nappies are in in her nursery and-“

“I’ll be fine, if I need any help I'll call my mum.” You nodded, taking a deep breath before heading to bed to catch up on lots of missed sleep.

“Looks like it’s just me and you now.” Harry spoke to the girl. The two had a fairly enjoyable time together, Harry in love with everything she did and the girl in awe of him. It was hours later that you were trudging into the living room looking much more refreshed. Harry was sitting on the couch, Lily against his chest while the curly haired man talked to her.

“How did it go?” You asked, taking a seat next to them and resting your head on Harry’s shoulder.

“She was a perfect angel, didn’t cry once.” He boasted. You grinned, stroking her chubby cheek.

“Thank you for helping me, my hero.” You kissed his cheek, watching Lily scrunch up his shirt in her tiny fist. It wasn’t long before your bub began to get uncomfortable, beginning to cry her small heart out.

“I think she’s finally ready for her nap.” You carefully lifted her off of Harry’s chest, taking her over to the bassinet you kept in your living room. You laid her down, hovering over her for a few minutes to make sure she knew you were there.

“Go to sleep hunny, I know you’re tired.” You watched her eyes flutter shut, content with the world around her.

“And then there were two.” You said, sitting down next to Harry again. He yawned and stretched his arms above his head.

“I mean, I don’t know about you but I’m exhausted after watching her.” You huffed.

“Don’t leave me yet.” You begged, staring at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Can I just nap here?” He asked, watching you think about it.

“I guess so.” You said, Harry scoffing at how unamused you sounded. You flashed him a cheeky grin, motioning for him to lay his head on your lap.

“Here.” You handed him a fluffy blanket that you usually kept on the back of your couch, throwing it over his body to keep him warm. You spent the next hour stroking through his curls, watching him sleep peacefully with the comfort of your warmth. With your other hand you just scrolled through your phone, not wanting to disturb Harry with the sounds of the tv.

He eventually started to shift, signalling to you that he was waking up. His hair was messy and he looked absolutely adorable, staring up at you with tired eyes.

“Thank you.” He mumbled. Nuzzling his face into your hoodie material.

“Always.”

———

3 days later and it was officially Christmas day, you were getting Lily’s stuff together to head over to the Hollands. You had already taken presents over a few days earlier, just so today you only had to bring yourself and your baby.

The drive over to the Holland household was quite pleasant. There was soft christmas music playing in the background, with the bubbly feeling of excitement in the pit of your stomach.

Getting out of the warmth of your car, you were hit with the freezing december weather, rubbing your hands together for warmth.

Lily was quick to protest at the change in temperature with a small uncomfortable cry, her chubby cheeks turning a soft pink shade as the cold hit her.

Your cold knuckles knocked on the front door of the house, a shiver running through your body.

You wrapped Lily’s coat around her tighter, pulling her little hat down and doing everything you could to protect her from the blistering cold. The door to the Holland house opened a few minutes later to a smiley Harry. Welcoming you inside.

“There’s my favourite girl.” Harry said, taking Lily from your arms and cradling her close to his warmth. You scowled at him playfully.

“Me or her?” You asked, teasing your best friend. “Be careful with your answer.”

“You, obviously.” He stated, like it was a fact. When you nodded, seemingly satisfied, he leaned in close to Lily, his mouth close to her tiny ear.

“I lied, it’s definitely you.” He whispered to the girl, tickling her to make her giggle. You scoffed.

“I heard that, Holland.” He laughed, sending you a teasing wink.

You followed him into the living room, seeing the other Holland’s scattered around doing various things.

“We have visitors.” Harry announced, motioning to you. Sam was quick to practically snatch Lily, peppering her cheek with soft kisses.

“Merry christmas y/n!” Nikki said, pulling you into a tight hug. You said it back, thanking her for letting you crash their Christmas day.

“You’re always welcome.” Tom was next to pull you into a hug, ruffling your hair like an older brother would.

“Did I hear y/n?” Paddy asked, slipping into the living room to look for you.

“Hi, little man.” The nickname caused him to groan, it’d been something you’d called him for years, even after he passed you in height.

“I’m taller than you.” You rolled your eyes, pulling him into a hug.

“And I don’t care.” You simply stated. You watched Lily receive all the affection she could ever ask for, babbling incoherent things.

“Can we open presents now?” Paddy asked, motioning to the pile under the tree.

“You didn’t have to wait for me.” You whined, feeling bad that the teenager was unable to have a normal christmas morning.

“You’re here now, so let’s get started!” Paddy announced. You stifled a laugh, nodding your head. You watched with a smile as the lads fussed Lily, helping her rip open the wrapping paper on her presents.

“Come here a second.” Harry said, tapping your shoulder. He took your hand and lead you away from his family.

“This is for Lily.” You playfully rolled your eyes at your best friend.

“It better not be another stuffed animal, she has too many already.” You joked. Harry shook his head with a small grin, telling you to just open it. Harry had pulled you over to a more quiet part of the living room to give you this, not wanting his brothers to see or hear.

“A blanket?” You asked, looking at him in confusion. A blush rose to his cheeks. He showed you the space where Lily’s name was engraved in, only confusing you further.

“I don’t get it- why did we have to open it separately?” You asked.

“I-i may have made it.” He stuttered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. You awed, finding it cute that he’d go through so much trouble for you.

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not.” You argued. “I think it’s adorable.” You said, squeezing his cheek playfully.

“I didn’t really know what to get her so-“

“Harry, this is perfect, thank you.”

After all the presents came the part all the Holland boys were the most excited about; christmas dinner.

They practically ran to the dining room when Nikki announced it was ready, taking their seats at the table and digging into their plates like animals.

“You’re like savages.” Nikki muttered, receiving a laugh from you as you dug into your own food. Every now and then you’d alternate between eating and amusing Lily so she wouldn’t cry.

You pinched her cheek gently, wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth with a napkin.

“Such a messy baby.” You said. She just babbled, showing you her gummy smile that made your heart flutter.

“A bit like Harry.” Sam said, receiving a slap to the arm from his twin. You laughed at the two, leaving your angel to finish up the last bits of your meal.

After dessert Nikki turned down your offer to help clean up, forcing one of her boys to do it instead. Tom groaned, trailing to the kitchen with some dirty dishes in his hands, muttering complaints on the way.

“Nikki, that was amazing, thank you.” She smiled, kissing your head as she walked by. The table was disturbed when your little bub began to cry, you being able to recognise that she was crying for food.

“I think she’s hungry.” You pouted, lifting her up into your arms.

“Go feed her, we’ll sort this.” Sam said, motioning to the table that needed clearing.

“Are you sure?” You asked, feeling slightly bad.

“Unless Harry’s going to grow boobs and feed her, I'm pretty sure you’re the only one that can.” Harry slapped his twin upside the head, calling him an idiot. You just laughed, making your way up the stairs to feed your precious angel.

———

“I really enjoyed today, thank you.” Harry squeezed your shoulders gently.

“We’re all glad you were both here.” The two of you continued to get ready for bed, you also getting Lily into her onesie. The three of you would be sharing Harry’s bed in his childhood room for the night, having to make sure Lily stayed safe between you both.

You climbed under the covers, next to your already sleeping daughter. You had a smile gracing your face, one that Harry couldn’t help but completely adore.

“Goodnight Harry, merry christmas.” You whispered, laying your arm over Lily gently to make sure she’d be safe.

“Merry christmas y/n.”

always taglist - @hopelessly-harry @iwearheadphones @thevelvetseries @minejungwoo @siriuslyslyslytherin @givebuckyhisplumsnow @itstaskeen @icyhollands @starkweasley

#harry holland x reader #harry holland one shot #harry holland imagine #harry holland

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hpdabbles · 3 years

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Lovely Nightmares

Based off the Dig Two graves by @childotkw. Thank you again for permission to use as based idea!

“We find the defendant guilty on all charges.”

Harry stares upwards in shock as Tom Riddle- the boy he considered a friend, the one he told everything to, the one he believed made it all worth while to go to Hogwarts- turn his head away from him after damning him with his lies. He did well, playing the terrified bystander to someone who lost themselves in bloodlust and violent tendencies.

His witness statement made a few eyes tear up in pity for the muggleborn who had been tricked by the halfblood into cruel silence for the mistreatment he had to endure under Harry’s thumb until a fresh corpse forced him to speak out. He took everything he once thought made their friendship real and twisted it, to make him appear a murder.

A murder that the Ministry of Magic has now sentence to life in Azkaban.

Harry had not been fond of Myrtle Warren, mostly due her forceful flirtish behavior against him and other boys as well as her whining voice but he would never have hurt her much less kill her. In fact Harry often put himself between the girl and the bullies who followed her around. How people could forget that he never know.

Yes the last time he spoke to her, left the Ravencalw in tears but that was because Harry had rejected her as gently as he could. After she ran away from him unable to stand the rejection, she was found hours later dead in one of the girls bathroom.

Harry had been horrified and truly sorry to see the confuse ghost flout about lost in a way only the departed could be. She was so young, a soul that can not find rest even after her death. He along with the rest of the school were evacuated from their dorms, everyone speaking about the murder. The houses were keep separated in order to keep better track of the young, while preparations were made to have everyone sent home

It would be Hogwarts last year if the killer could not be found as it no longer meant the future of magic were safe within their walls. Harry was sadden to see such a important place go, especially as one of the first students to originally walk it’s halls, but he had been more worried about Tom because there were rumors that Warren had been killed for being a muggleborn.

Tom Riddle, the human mortal, was also a muggleborn. It tore Harry up inside to think he could be next. A victim. That he could disappear from this world.

He went to see him when he got the chance only for Tom to point him out to a pair of Aurors with wild desperate eyes “He did it! Harry Potter killed Myrtle Warren!”

Harry tried to defend himself but with the evidence Tom managed to present to the authorities he was dragged away with the school watching. The worst part had been Myrtle who was flouting one inch above the ground in the grand hall, her unseeing eyes watching him go with tears rolling down her face. “Why Harry...I loved you”

Her confession made it all the worst for him. Harry knew the Ministry of Magic tended to believe guilty until proven otherwise but even before he stepped into his court hearing he knew it was a kangaroo court.

They all believed he did it, the court hearing was just a formality.

“Harry James Potter shall be sentence to life in Azkaban for the crimes including the murder of Muggleborn Myrtle Warren, possession of illegal potions, Possession of dark magic, and commenting a murder on Hogwarts sacred ground.”

“What?! But I didn’t do it! Tom is lying! He’s lying!” Harry shouted in outrage struggling even as Aurors appears to drag him away. A strong grip on his shoulder and legs to the point of bruising is nothing compare to the smug eyes of Tom Riddle as the doors start to close. Harry allows his eyes to flash the bright green of his father’s magic for a second just to watch that attractive face spam in surprise. “You’ll pay for this Riddle. I hope the guilt eats you alive. I hope it never lets you rest!”

“That’s enough out of you” sneers the woman who is moving him. Harry turns to her just in time to watch her wand light up before everything goes dark. As he is falling, he forces words past his lips so the whole courtroom can hear his final words.

“I will make sure everyone in this room pays.” They do not know they ring with not just truth but with a curse. It would take them days to discover it but by then it would far too late.

He wakes to the sound of crashing waves, freezing cold and the screams of the inmates. Harry had been stripped of his Gryffindor uniform leaving him black and white stripped robes, his feet were bared and he has bruises all along his body. He laid on the stone ground, with no windows, no bed or bathroom from what he could tell. Flickers of near by torches made it hard to see but he thought there was a woman across from him leaning against her cell bars like a broken doll.

A dementor stood at his open cell door, likely left that way so that one of them could “accidently” feed on him while the guards were away, hovering uncertainty. Harry scowled at it. “What are you looking at?”

The creature twisted it’s head, taking a breath. The cold increased, causing shivers to run along Harry’s body, his human side effected by the magic of sorrow even though his father’s blood keep him level headed. It would take a while but eventually the coldness would sustained. The creature made a odd crocking sound that attracted the attention more of it’s kind.

The woman let out a whimper when the flouting masses of darkness glided by her cell. She threw her self away from them, pressing her bone skin back to the far wall. Harry silently sent her a apology even as his body finally adjusted to the Dementors peering at him from under their cloaks of shadows.

“I’m not a circus act” Harry snapped at them, standing up and stretching his arms above his head. A satisfyingly pop run up and down his back which sent the dementors into a frenzy, more of that odd croaking filling the air. It took him a moment to realize they were excited by him.

He squinted at them. Ah, these were young. Maybe only two thousand years old. They had never come across him or his father, because they were behaving much like teenagers meeting their idol. Not that he could blame them, Harry’s dad was pretty important to the likes of them.

A giant black dog rose up from the shadows in the corners then, causing the Demontors to go wild as the dog strutted by them wagging it’s tail to a pair on the right. The creatures did three flips in the air as they swoon. They would be gloating later to any of their kind that the great Grim had given them a haughty smirk no doubt. Harry rolled his eyes as the door twisted into his uncle Sirius.

“Harry!” The man said joyously, his dark curls framing his grinning face as the adult waved a finger at him. The spark of laughter in his silver eyes- a nice choice of his humanoid form Harry thinks. This one most definite matches humans’ idea of beauty- lets the half being know his uncle finds this all hilarious. “Why am I picking up my nephew from mortal prison? James is besides himself, young man. He allowed you to come down the these realm for a few years and you get thrown in jail!”

“Riddle framed me.” Harry shrugs slightly embarrassed his new life on Earth ended so abruptly. “He told everyone that I murdered someone.”

Sirius frowned, his canine peaking over his lip as he studied the boy who quickly laid down face first allowing his soul to detach from his body. “I thought you two were close. Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know but i intend to make his life hell.”

The Grim tilted his head as the soul of his nephew- Death’s son created between the personification of the end and a muggleborn woman named Lily many many eons ago- rose from it’s physically anchor his father created.

Since Harry is both half alive and half dead he could come and go between worlds. Usually James-as Death preferred to be called- ever few millennia would bend to his son’s boredom and send him down to Earth. It was a nice vacation from all the filing, soul collecting and transporting of souls the boy had to do. In truth James saw it more as sending Harry off to summer camp to experience more from his mother’s side instead of reincarnating him into a human anchor he design.

Lily lived in the Beyond, as she was full mortal, while James and Harry lived in a never ending castle in Between. They visited Lily in her private heaven often with James confidently heading over there after work but Harry yearn for the real world and not the one created by James’ will or Lily’s fondest memoires.

He had experience empires rise and fall, had taken many names and faces to match whatever whim of appearance James took up-last millennia he had sported blond hair and blue eyes which meant Harry did as while- but no one had ever made him feel as alive as Tom Riddle has.

“How do you plan to do that?” Sirius asked waving at the group of Dementors goodbye while opening his shadow so Harry could travel to his father’s realm.

“I’m going to appear in all of his dreams until the day he dies.” Harry growled sinking into the darkness. “The dream scape is the place I can bend to my will and Riddle will rue the day he ever double-crossed me.”

“Alright but you are going to be the one explaining to your father that you want to appear in a teenage boy’s dreams and not me. He never forgive me if I helped his dear baby Harry flirt like that.”

The darkness swallowed them up on Harry’s squeaking of denials his body left under the protection of Dementors who were the only witness to the strange happening.

Miles away Tom Riddle looked over at the Gryffindor table missing the strong green stare that always looked back him more then he will ever be willing to admit. He shivers abruptly when a cold sensation of a hand runs along the back of his neck to his shoulders.

That night he dreamed of Harry Potter by the black lake, smile soft and green eyes glowing. He took Tom’s hand to guide him into the water with a sweet laugh that made everything slow down as Tom jumped through the waves of a invisible breeze. Harry looked happy as they splashed about, the sky a clear blue for once and Tom could not look away from the vision Harry made.

Midway through the dream the water turn to blood, Harry’s smile fell and his heavy betrayed eyes bore into Tom’s as he the smell of copper rose. The mortal found himself incased in blood slowing dragging him down as he struggle to escape the chains the liquid had become around him.

No matter how hard he fought nothing could stop him from sinking further and further down all the while Harry watched him slowly drown. Tom tried to scream for help, to reach out towards him but the boy was unmoved until all he could see besides the red was Harry’s lips moving.

“Why Tom...why did you do it?”

Tom Riddle woke screaming drench in cold sweat.

#Harry Potter #hpdabbles #Lovely Nightmares #Tom Riddle really went and messed with Death's kid #Sirius is the Grim #In a Au where James is death and Lily the human made him fall in love #Harry's technically still at Azkaban #Tom may or may not learn to feel bad #Party 1 maybe?

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peakyblinders1919 · 7 years

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Pies and Ink

Life had been gloomy lately as the fourth year of war settled up England. Everything was different; with men shipped away women like yourself became useful, worked in factories and other places they needed you. You and your friends were taken a much deserved break drinking away at the pub. Men were retuning slowly, so a few were there but it was mostly women letting lose.

You were starting to think, like everyone else, that the war would soon be over. And you couldn’t be more excited when the day came; for your best friends to return. You wrote to them almost everyday; Arthur was the best at responding, keeping you updated about life in France and in the war. John would answer your letters once in a while, mostly when he felt like it, and still they made you smile when you received a letter addressed from him. Still, it was Tommy you missed most; you were inarguably the closest to him out of the Shelby brothers. You went to school with him since you were babes, him dipping your ponytail in his ink anytime he could. He never wrote to you, and you didn’t know why.

You sat in the pub that sunny afternoon, the windows open brining in a breeze to cool the back of your neck. You sat at the bar, your skirt hiked up a little to keep you cool and your legs swinging. You were engaged in a conversation with your best friend Lily, laughing and drinking until the doors opened. You thought you were hallucinating when you saw a group of men walk in, still in uniform. Everyone in the pub turned to look at them, but you got up out of your seat, slowly walking towards them.

“The wars over!” The one in the front yelled, causing everyone to cheer. “Drinks all ‘round.” Harry got busy passing out drinks, the men spreading out and eagerly talking to the women.

“Arthur…” You question, approaching a man at the end of the bar, leaning against it.

“Y/N!”

“Arthur, is it really you?”

“Of course it’s really me, come here.” He cheered pulling you into a fierce hug. It took you a moment to take it all in but you hugged him back.

“I can’t believe it.” You exclaimed, stepping back to look at him. “Well, you look wonderful!”

“So do you. What have you been up to?”

“Just working you know.” You brush it off. “Let’s not talk about me, I want to hear everything you have to say.” He agreed, sitting at a table with you telling you everything over a few drinks.

“Well…I’m glad you made it home safe.” You say, squeezing his hand. He smiles at you, happy to be home.

“I’m just glad its over; I think we all are.” You nod, taking a sip of your drink as silence falls over you guys. Your throat becomes dry as your about to ask the question you’ve been silently dreading.

“So…how’s everyone else…”

“Fine, absolutely fine. Great. John went to see his kids and Tom, well I don’t know where he went but he’s around. We’re all just fine, I’m sure they’d be excited to see you.”

“Yeah?” You ask excitedly, sitting up a little straighter.

“Of course. And Polly and Finn I’m sure. Why don’t you come over for dinner.”

“I’d love that.”

You knocked on the door, waiting nervously for someone to let you in. You knew it was stupid to be nervous, they were your best friends after all, but you hadn’t seen them in so long, you weren’t sure if they were the same.

The scraping of the lock made you more alert, and your breath was taken from you when you saw Tommy behind the door.

“Y/N?” He asked confused.

“Hi.” You said, frozen. Neither of you said anything as you stared at each other, so thankfully Arthur showed, slapping his brother on the back.

“Ah I see you’ve found out. I ran into Y/N the other day, invited her for dinner.”

“That’s very nice Arthur.”

“I….I brought a pie.” You said, holding it out.

“Great. Come on in!” Arthur said, the two of them moving out of the way to let you in. You tried not to blush as you realized what you had just said. Are you fucking stupid? You asked yourself as you followed them through the house. I brought a pie? That’s the best you could come up with?

“Oi, who’s at the door?” John asked, turning to see you. “Well no shit.Y/N!” He said, moving across the room and hugging you.

“Hi John boy.” You say as you hug.

“It’s been bloody forever.” He said and you agreed as you all sat around the table, you in between Arthur and John, Tommy staring you down from across the table. You had some drinks and did a little talking, mostly about what you had been doing lately.

Polly arrived then, momentarily stopping the conversation. She kissed you on the cheek as she placed the bowl on the table, saying it was nice to see you again. You offered to help and followed her into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry we didn’t keep in touch when the boys left.” Polly said.

“Oh, it’s ok…I know things were rather busy for you.” She laughed, glad to have you back and you went back into the room with the boys. You didn’t talk very much while you ate Polly’s amazing food, all the boys commenting how they missed Poll’s cooking during the war.

“You woulda sworn we were dogs, them trying to feed us shit all the time.” John said in between a forkful of food.

“What else was it like?” You asked, Tommy glancing up at you. They were silent for a while, it never occurring to you that maybe they didn’t want to talk about it, but you couldn’t curb your curiosity.

“It was bloody awful, it was. Cramped sleeping quarters, not to mention very little time to even sleep. And when you were allowed a free second to snooze, you never could; the thoughts would keep you up at night.” John said, everyone silently looking at him as he rattled on. He finally looked up to see everyone staring at him. That’s when you knew, as did everyone else; the war was over now, there was no need to talk about it. “What?” He asked with a mouthful of food.

“Who want’s dessert?” Polly said and you joined her in the kitchen to get your pie. You hung your head, trying to calm yourself when Polly started rubbing your back.

“It’s ok dear.”

“Am I stupid or what? I just don’t know what to talk about.”

“Just talk about before, when you were young and had fun.” You thanked her and headed back in, taking your seat and a long sip of your drink. You started talking about the good memories you shared with the Shelby’s and it lightened up the mood. You were laughing along with Arthur while John couldn’t comment enough about how good your pie was. You thanked him in between laughs and when you regained control you couldn’t stop looking at Tommy. You gave him a playful kick under the table, getting him to look at you with cold eyes.

“Come on Tom, don’t be such a sour puss, you love that story. Is everything ok?” You asked him and his eyes wouldn’t leave you.

“Everything’s fine. Excuse me.” He said, getting up and slamming the door behind him.

“Shit.” You muttered under your breath, burying your head in your hands.

“It’s not your fault Y/N.” John said.

“Yeah, he had it worse than both of us out there. He saw things you can’t unsee. It changed him, war.” Arthur said.

“I’m…I’m going to go talk to him.” You said, ducking out while they devoured your pie.

Tommy was outside, leaning against the wall smoking a cigarette. You walked over to him slowly, him not noticing or not acknowledging you were there at first.

“Do you mind if I join you?” You asked and he shook his head, handing you a cigarette from his pocket. You leaned against the wall next to him, Tommy leaning forward so he could easily light the cigarette for you.

“I’m sorry.” You say, the smoke gliding out of your mouth.

“Its fine.”

“No, it’s not. I didn’t mean to upset you, I just wanted to know what you’d been doing for the last four years.” You said cooly. When he didn't respond you dared to look at him. “You never answered my letters.”

“You weren’t there Y/N, you don’t know what it was like.”

“But I want to know; I wanted you to tell me.”

“Tell you what?” He said furiously. “That it was cold out there, so cold you couldn’t feel your fingers pull the trigger when you shot someone? Or that you watched your friends die when it should have been you? Or that writing to you would have made me miss you even more, and I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t come back without telling you how I felt? I just couldn’t tell you any of it.” He said, throwing his cigarette on the ground.

“Tell…tell my how you felt?”

“Yes. I love you Y/N. I always have.” You turn towards him, getting close to him.

“Even when you’d dip my ponytail in the ink?”

“Especially when I’d dip your ponytail in ink.” He said, causing him to finally crack a smile.

“Well, I love you too Thomas Shelby.” You say, pulling him close to you by his jacket. “I’m sorry you ever had to leave.” You say, him leaning down to plant a soft kiss on your lips.

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