"All too often in the past, science fiction writers made things easy for themselves by portraying a white, middle-class, male-dominated universe, even attributing white, middle-class, male values to their 'alien' races. I'm not comfortable writing about such a universe, behaving as though it represented the one true way." -Octavia Butler

so, i’ve been putting off writing this post for a while, telling myself that i didn’t really need to do it and everything would turn out fine but honestly. some of the asks i’ve been getting recently have been very upsetting to me personally and they’re sort of mounting up in my inbox and making it feel not very pleasant so i thought i’d just. get this post out of the way...

since the demo was released i’ve been getting an increasing number of asks that seem as though they’re designed to try and push me away from including polyam options in the game or attempt to try and goad me into admitting that the ROs prefer monogamy and consider any polyam relationships “lesser” than “proper” monogamous relationships.

this has ranged from direct criticism of my characters (”don’t you think it’s unfair that Lithiana won’t give up sleeping around and become monogamous if mc is romancing her”) to what i’m sure are intended to be subtle attempts at manipulation (”don’t you think it would be Healthier for [RO] if they were monogamous so that they could Know that mc Truly loves them and Only them and they’d be so much happier in that kind of relationship”) to attempting to shame other players for being happy about polyam options being included.

that last bunch really, really hurt me. i get a not insignificant amount of asks from people being happy that polyam options are included or that they simply won’t be shamed for being promiscuous but i’ve gradually. stopped answering these because i almost always get an ask shortly afterwards that reads something like “i do [rephrasing of something that was mentioned in the original ask] ONLY with [their favourite RO who i won’t drag into this], because i’m a GOOD LOVER ;)” and it feels like absolute crap, every time. (and of course tumblr being tumblr blocking this anon ask sender simply doesn’t work, because Webbed Site  🙄)

i’ve seen authors get backlash for including (and especially Adding) polyam routes and readers getting possessive over “their” ROs but i never realised people were just as mad about the. idea that other players could be doing non-monogamous things elsewhere and not being shamed for it. and that... really boggles my mind and saddens me a lot.

to the what i assume to be minority of people for whom stuff other players are doing is apparently a problem, i hope you can understand that other players being polyamorous doesn’t affect your playthrough of the game in any way, and there’s no need to just. be mean to them about it. and if you’re actually mad simply because people aren’t ashamed of being polyamorous well... that’s pretty cruel, i have to say, and we probably wouldn’t get along if we knew each other, because i’m also polyamorous. i’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying to use me as a platform to shame other polyam people, and maybe just unfollow if it bothers you so much.

to the people who have sent asks that mention or talk about monogamy in a sensible non-judgy way who may have noticed me not answering them - i’m sorry, i haven’t felt like answering these for a bit due to the other batch of asks and me feeling icky at the idea of galvanising the other group despite there being nothing wrong with your asks in particular. i’ll probably keep them in my inbox and maybe answer them in a while if this dies down.

to everyone else, thank you for supporting me and i’m sorry to have to talk about this but it’s really been bugging me recently lmao. i appreciate each and every one of you that Isn’t sending me these asks lmfao<3

getting a sudden resurgence of art motivation is such a blessing and a curse tbh. bc on one hand im drawing a lot and having a lotta fun doing so but on the other hand i wanted to make Even More secret stuff for atbb that requires drawing so i told myself i would make a few very sketchy things that would have to be quick and don't have to be Insane Awesome Quality since they'll be blurry as hell in the final product anyway and i have like less than a week / a couple days at most to get it all ready in time

so anyways now it's 3am and i just finished the first of what i still want to do after 3 days

have just been introduced to a kitten named rascal who lives on my floor and whose babysitters (who are not his owner?) were trying Really hard to goad me into adopting which like. he's a little baby and he's so so so silly and he barely even bit me but like also. this cat isn't yours???? anyway if the owner's giving him up then I might finally have a cat which like AHHHHHG

why the fuck is it that some people cant seem to acknowledge that people can just... be disabled. not through any fault of their own, not because something "happened" to them, just because, you know, sometimes people have disabilities. like, come on

flashbacks to dialogue that happened less than a minute ago are annoying and a little insulting for obvious reasons, unless it's in bad buddy episode 5 [2/4] and pat is having entirely serious sepia toned flashbacks to fifty seconds ago while almost shoving a set of drumsticks he hasn't even paid for yet up his nose. then it's brilliant and world changing

One of the coolest things my friend Kris said, "A good headcanon differs from the canon knowingly, not out of wilfull ignorance".

Like, there is a big difference between being corrected (not always for an indisputable reason, but the intention matters) and being creatively policed! When someone shares a headcanon and you know the canon bit that contradicts it, just say it! Either they could reconsider their idea with the new information or say "yeah cool but I prefer to write my own thing, not to be 100% accurate to the canon" which are both valid. Because, the latter one knowingly differs from the canon!

But like, apparently in the eyes of some people, being informed on what was missed equals baiting hostility, policing creativity or whatnot? Like, yet again, if someone gets straight up angry and vindictive at being reminded that they are in the fandom, for something with pre-existing information, then it loops back to the question of why they are in a fandom and not doing their own original project to begin with! I can't find any other reasoning for admitting you do not want to even know canon and only here to take basic surface bits to make your own thing besides the fact that pre-existing fanbase just will engage more willingly even with canon divergent portrayals, stories and just AUs!

But like... you can't be in a fandom while expecting to never have any discussion with other fans about this story and characters! Being told that you are wrong and being told that you are wrong for BEING wrong are two whole different things, and mentality of fans not being allowed to say anything besides agreement, when it is about pre-existing media, is straight up lame and not what fandoms are about. Not everyone who points what is missing a petty redditor that hates headcanons; most of the "well actualies" come from the place of love for both canon and headcanons! This is the case of "before you break the rules you need to know them", but people that tell what rules are are anything but wrong, hostile or immature. People that say "you come into my house and maliciously ruin my fun" when they hear about those rules, however?

Again: a good headcanon differs from the canon knowingly, not out of wilfull ignorance.

At this point I stay exclusively on this website and Ao3 for fandom stuff but DAMN what the hell happened with the reviews

Castlevania Rotten Tomatos below for comparison

many thoughts in my head

I want to write a long paragraph but I dont know if I can. Have this.

I am both terrified and find it incredibly endearing to be watched. Being watched, being known, it means I exist. Someone sees my words and thought about them for a moment. Someone witnessed Me or We or Us or Whatever. Being taken note of, being noticed, having people remember things about you that you'd forgotten. It's very nice! But it's terrifying. They know more about you than you know of them, they can piece together pieces of you - but not perfectly. Never fully right. They take note of you and you have a purpose Sort of ? You have Things you Need to do. You have meaning and it's scary! That might be just how I view it but. My view is most important here. Especially since nothing else will exist for a minute or so after this.

I'm scared of being watched because someone knows things about me I'm ashamed of that I want to bury in the past that were so recent yet I've already moved on or I'm dragging it with me [Like A Corpse].

But then I love being watched. I like people seeing me. I like taking note of those who've seen me and assuming or fearing over what they might think

I love watching. I don't know how to explain that one too well. It's nice to know things about people - To be able to connect things together and stuff. To notice the patterns and the meanings behind little things over time. I really love all of it. Sadly, obsession is very easy to fall into for me. Boohoo....

Being watched is something I mostly fear. I have reasons. I'll probably just use the tags to explain the more personal stuff regarding it.

I'm sleepy and this rant is m. Very much repeating. I don't care. My vent blog, you followed.

sick and twisted that organizing my desk space (and organizing the clutter in my room in general) does, in fact, make me feel a lot happier and a lot better about my life . . . sick and twisted

-randomly sees a screenshot of jamie and lily from the city of bones movie, where they seem to embody jace and clary, and am once again sad that we didn't get a city of ashes movie-

forever a bit salty how the films portray detective maurice jobson. they don't play him off as a good man, but they scrub away bj's very personal beef with him (!!) and gloss over the bulk of jobson's crimes.

but sure, let's have him save bj by stealing his moment of revenge on laws. even though bj has every right to hate him, and jobson has no reason to not kill bj as well for knowing too much.

i feel like writing WWII show fanfiction is actually my bootcamp for other fandoms. Every time I go write in another fandom, the lack of research I do in comparison is such a relief. When I fall back into my historical fiction narrative, I'm actually reading nonfiction history books and combing through badly managed websites that are probably digitized war records. just the other day i tried to find one specific plane crash in the month of 1942 on an airfield that went defunct due to that one incident. I found it. i tasted victory. The things i do for fandom.

And I hope my landlord explotes btw

ATTENTION: BRAINDEAD POST INCOMING

i'm gonna marry him i swear to god. I promise. no kidding