#the kind dorky theology nerd
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Yes sometimes life is really really hard, but then there will be times when you’re riding in the car holding hands with your fiancé singing My One Safe Place by Andrew Peterson, and you know everything will be ok in the end.
#I almost teared up the other day when he said he wanted that to be our first dance song#he and I have very different music tastes#but he said he really likes that one#earth’s crammed with heaven#the kind dorky theology nerd#also yes I’m engaged now if anyone reads these tags
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*whisper yells*
HE LOVES ME!!
#the kind dorky theology nerd#I keep praying God if he’s not the one I marry please make it clear to us please take him away somehow#like for months I’ve been praying that and as I show him more and more of myself I keep thinking ok here it is he’s going to give up now#or we start asking questions on a topic and I think Ok this will be the part where we majorly disagree only to find out we’re on the same#page and he just#keeps#staying#and pursuing me#like wow what#ok sorry I’m done using tumblr as my journal for today
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#the kind dorky theology nerd gave me a copy of The Valley of Vision (a book of puritan prayers) a few months ago and I really like it#it’s both convicting and encouraging and gives me words to pray when I’m not sure what to say#I like the part about not only delighting in God’s promises but also his commands knowing that he is good and that following his commands#leads to true joy and life#that God’s glory and my happiness would be one common interest because he is changing my heart to want what he wants#on prayer#Valley of Vision
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I’ve come to the hard realization the last few months that the ways I struggle with self-confidence/perfectionism/pride actually have a bigger impact on how I’m able to love others than I thought they did.
#this is specifically about me not being able to give or receive words of affirmation well#some of the reasons I think that’s hard for me are 1. I have a hard time believing compliments when I receive them because I’m constantly#so critical of myself which can make me feel disingenuous in giving complements or encouragement to others even though I’m sincere#2. Because I’m worried about what others will think I often don’t voice things because I don’t want to sound weird. It may also just be that#I’m quiet in general so voicing anything takes some amount of effort on my part#anyway#the kind dorky theology nerd is very good at words of affirmation and I want him to feel loved! but it is so hard for me express love that#way even though I literally remember random compliments people have given me from 10+ years ago#oh this also had to do with what Andrew Peterson says about self-loathing being another form of pride and self-love because it puts all the#focus on you and not on who Christ is making you into or on the people He has given you to love#I think about that quote a lot#on loving others#Audrey shares thoughts
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