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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

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Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though.

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally.

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television.

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend.

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him.

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds.

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it.

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT.

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin.

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father.

5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice).

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams.

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief.

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again.

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least.

6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious.

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to.

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer.

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl.

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?!

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind.

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving.

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes.

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime.

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah.

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying.

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person.

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin.

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional.

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn.

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us.

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him.

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :(

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying.

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it.

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero.

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug!

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before?

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded.

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you.

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal.

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy.

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :(

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken.

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad.

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting.

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm.

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice.

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man.

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested.

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply.

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing.

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious.

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused.

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes.

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him.

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself.

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us.

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute.

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation.

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her.

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing.

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from.

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

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leigh-kelly · 4 years

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Elf: Chapter 6

An epilogue will follow this as soon as I can get it written!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Though Brittany’s first time leaving the North Pole was just a few days before, on Santa’s sleigh, she got to see the entire world in one night. It was pretty amazing, watching him slide down each chimney and delivering toys at such a rapid speed and though she didn’t get her full forty-five minutes of sleep, she was still wide awake by the time Santa landed his sleigh on top of Brittany’s mom’s apartment building and thanked her for all of her help. The sun was just coming up and Brittany glimpsed at it from the top of the building before she slipped inside and took the key Harry had given her to let herself into the apartment.

Everyone was still sound asleep when she got in and she grinned at the presents Santa had left beneath the tree and sprawled out. She thought of her mom, who she was pretty sure made her way off the Naughty List, and then she thought of Santana, whose Christmas wish she never figured out. All she could hope was that Santa maybe had it written down and got it to her without Brittany’s help. With those thoughts in her head, Brittany fell asleep.

“Brittany, wake up.” Deidre shook her, whispering. “Santa came.”

“Did you think he wouldn’t?” Brittany asked, her eyes popping open.

“Before last night, I wasn’t so sure. But he’s real, isn’t he?”

“He’s real. I’m sorry I wasn’t here last night.”

“It was fine, I figured you were with Santa, so you wouldn’t make it home. Besides, I hung out with Mom for awhile, so that was really nice.”

“I’m so glad she came home.”

“Me too.” Deidre smiled. “And she promised that wherever she gets a job, she’ll still be busy, but she’ll make time for me.”

��She just needs something to happen to make her realize what she’s missing out on.” Brittany murmured, thinking of what Santana had said the other night at the coffee shop. “You being in the hospital I guess was a wake up call.”

“I guess me getting stitches in the head was good for something. And maybe Santa has a little something to do with it.”

“Did you tell anyone that’s what you wanted?”

“I didn’t.” Deidre shook her head.

“Then there’s still hope for Santana.”

“Santana?”

“She said she’d need a real miracle to believe that Santa is real.”

“Brittany, she’s the one that got everyone to sing last night, to believe in Santa again. I think she believes in him too.”

When Whitney and Harry came into the living room, they were all smiles and Brittany was left with her thoughts about Santana as they began handing out Christmas presents. Considering how strange things had been with her mom prior to the previous night’s doings, Brittany didn’t expect anything for herself, but she was surprised to find package after package with her name on it. Harry must have bought the gifts during his last minute Christmas shopping, but Brittany was almost giddy to find regular clothes. If she was going to stay in New York, she knew that she couldn’t stay in her elf clothing forever so it was a welcome surprise.

“I invited Santana over for Christmas breakfast.” Whitney told Brittany nonchalantly. “We got to talking last night and she said that she really liked being around you and had nowhere to go for Christmas, so I insisted she come here.”

Brittany was ecstatic at the idea of Santana coming over and she was equally excited over the idea that her mother was moving so far off the Naughty List for next Christmas by making an effort to be kind to people. She could see it written all over Deirdre’s face too and Brittany thought of all the years that Santa had said there was nothing like a child’s face on Christmas morning.

After the gifts were all unwrapped, Brittany went into the bathroom to get dressed and when she cane out, even Whitney smiled seeing her in jeans and a sweater. It wasn’t quite as comfortable as her elf dress, but she could get used to it, she thought. While Harry was in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, Brittany heard the door bell ring and she nearly jumped off the couch.

“Be cool, sis.” Deidre laughed, seeing Brittany’s excitement. “She likes you, don’t screw it up.”

“Hey.” Brittany opened the door and decided her best course of action would be not to reveal that she knew Santana had tried to get everyone else to believe in Santa, but instead, let Santana tell her on her own terms. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas! Is it cool I’m here? Your mom invited me and I don’t want it to be weird.”

“It’s totally not weird, I love that you’re here. What’s in that bottle? Is that more of that candy cane martini stuff?” Brittany screwed up her face. “Because if you’re gonna drink it, I’ll drink it, but just so you know it’s totally gross.”

“It’s actually egg nog. I figured it would be more like the stuff you have at home and it’s virgin, so Deidre can have some.”

“Virgin?” Brittany blushed, knowing only one meaning of that word.

“Without alcohol.” Santana smiles, then leaned in to whisper in Brittany’s ear. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”

“It would be totally more than okay.”

Santana leaned in and Brittany remembered just how good it felt to kiss her. It felt like all of the excitement wrapped around Christmas in one single instant and when Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany’s neck, it got even better.

“Hey, break it up!” Deidre called out. “Some other people want to say hi to Santana too.”

“Hi, Dee.” Santana pulled away from Brittany and sauntered into the living room. “How’s the head?”

“I’m totally going to play up this injury for like two weeks to get stuff out of my parents.”

“I heard that.” Whitney popped her head out of the kitchen. “But I’ll let it slide, since it’s Christmas.”

Brittany was actually shocked by the total one-eighty her mom had done, but she just bit her lip and kept her smile to herself. Instead of making a big deal out of it, she turned again to look at Santana, taking in her pretty red dress and how she looked so festive despite her earlier insistence that she just didn’t care about Christmas. It felt so good to have all the people in New York that she cared about in one place and when she sat on the couch with Santana, she took her hand and squeezed it tight. She thought about how she’d only known her a few days but that she wanted to keep seeing her every day, that maybe some kind of Christmas miracle would give her the courage to ask her for more.

“Excuse me.” Santana said as Brittany saw her phone ring. “I’ll be right back.”

Santana slipped out of the apartment and found the door that led to the roof. She took a deep breath and answered the phone. It was a call that she had been waiting for for years and she felt a little sick to her stomach, thinking that it might not be what she wanted it to be.

“Hello?”

“Santana, is that you?”

“It’s me, Mami.” Santana felt like she couldn’t even inhale while she spoke for fear of breaking the spell of the moment. It had started to snow again and she looked up at the sky, wondering if Santa was still out there.

“It’s so good to hear your voice, mija.”

“You haven’t called me that in a long time.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of the things I missed out on. I miss you terribly and I feel so guilty for where we left things.”

“I’m not going to change.” Santana told her mother cautiously. “This is who I am.”

“I know that now, and I’m sorry that I ever told you that you should.”

“And Papi?”

“He’s still coming around to the idea, but I know that he misses you.” “I’m happy, Mami. I’m struggling to make my way here, but I’m happy. I had an audition yesterday and I’ve met someone wonderful that I could see myself being with for a long time. But every day, I wish you were part of it.”

“I want to be. I’ve missed so much of your life, I don’t want to miss any more.”

“To tell you the truth, I’m scared to let you back in. You hurt me so bad when you told me to leave that I didn’t think I’d ever recover. I can’t do that again.”

“I promise you, Santana, I will respect who you are. I’d love to hear about this…woman you’ve found and I’d love to come see you in New York. I don’t deserve a second chance, but I’d love if you gave me one.”

“Okay.” Santana nodded to herself.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, this is all I wished for this Christmas and I’m willing to try.”

“Oh, mija, I promise you it will be better than it was.”

“I can’t wait to see you.”

“We’ll talk more this week and make arrangements?”

“Yeah, that sounds really good. I’m actually at a Christmas breakfast right now, but it was so good to hear from you.”

“It was the call I should have made years ago.”

“Goodbye Mami, and merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas to you too, mi amor.”

When she hung up the phone, Santana was over the moon. Everything in her screamed to be cautious, but Brittany has taught her about living life differently, about taking chances, about letting your guard down. Even after the previous night, where Santana had led everyone in a chorus of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” she hadn’t been a believer fully, but Santa knew what she wanted and he gave it to her. After five years, she had an opportunity to have her mom back in her life and she was ecstatic, so ecstatic that she couldn’t wait to tell Brittany.

She had a pep in her step as she walked back down the stairs and she smiled, seeing Brittany with her family. Brittany had figured out things with Whitney, Santana was going to figure out things with her mom and maybe, if the day went well, they could figure out things with each other.

“That was my mom.” Santana said softly to Brittany when she sat back down on the couch.

“Your mom?” Brittany’s eyes widened. “But—“

“I know. When I told you I didn’t want to talk about my Christmas wish, that was it.”

“I knew he would do it.” Brittany grinned. “Santana, I’m so happy for you?”

“What are you so happy about?” Harry popped his head in from the kitchen.

“Just Christmas.” Brittany told him, knowing Santana wouldn’t want a big deal made of it.

Breakfast was a blur of good things and Brittany just felt like she could burst. She wanted to hold all of these feelings forever and ever and she could t stop looking around the table, seeing her mom, Harry, Deidre and Santana all enjoying Christmas breakfast. She’d had a lot of good Christmases before, but she was certain that this was the best one yet.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Santana asked, after Harry shooed then out of the kitchen so he could clean up.

“Definitely.” Brittany nodded. “Let me get my new coat.”

“I didn’t even tell you how much I like your new outfit. I loved the elf getup, but this makes me think you might be sticking around.”

“I have a lot of reasons to, so I’m not going anywhere.”

Santana took Brittany’s hand as soon as they got to the elevator and Brittany felt warm all over. When they got downstairs, the snow was really bad, but Santana insisted that they still walk. In the park, it felt a little like the nights Brittany used to sneak out on the first snow, still and magical. Everyone else seemed to be buttoned up inside, so Brittany stopped and turned to Santana, looking at the snowflakes on her eyelashes as they stood the only two people around.

“Brittany, you’re magical.”

“But I’m not.” Brittany shook her head. “That’s why I’m here and not back in the North Pole.”

“I don’t care what they said there, you brought magic into my life when I needed it the most. When I met you, I thought you were totally weird because what adult cares as much about Christmas as you do? But then you showed me that it was all real and I don’t want it to stop just because Christmas is over tomorrow.”

“Christmas magic can be all year if you let it.”

“I want the magic with you. I want to be with you, I don’t just want this to be some passing thing.”

“No, I don’t want that either. I’m serious about you.”

“Good.” Santana smiles, showing all of her teeth. “Because I’m serious about you too.”

“Merry Christmas, Santana.”

“Merry Christmas, Brittany.” Santana leaned in and kissed her lips and both could swear that the heard the jingle of reindeer bells just o

#brittana #elf #brittany the elf

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patsdrabbles · 5 years

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Five Times Hawkeye and Charles Don’t Tell Each Other What They Think And One Time They Do

Fandom: M*A*S*H Pairing: Hawkeye Pierce/Charles Winchester III Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Word Count: 2492 Summary: Five times Charles and Hawkeye don’t say what they’re thinking and one time they do- six scenes ranging from angst but developing toward fluff starting shortly after Charles’s arrival at the camp and ending several years post-canon. A/N: Prompted fic for the awesome @onekisstotakewithme! Thank you so, so much for this prompt (and getting me into this nice ship <3), I had lots of fun writing this! ♥ Feedback is, no matter how short, super appreciated and helpful! ♥ Enjoy <3 (AO3)

1) Pierce, I am scared.

They are already gathered inside of Colonel Potter’s office and Hawkeye just suggested drawing matchsticks, while the colonel himself is standing outside at the radio station, still trying to argue for only one of them having to go help out at Battalion Aid. In the end it’s no good though: The other camps either already sent surgeons themselves or can’t afford to send one of their staff either, and Hawkeye is very well aware BJ and the colonel were the ones who went to the front the last times. Charles has been stationed at their camp for a while already but hadn’t been to the front so far, so the honor will fall to the two of them.

Hawkeye takes a steadying breath when he climbs into the truck and he can see Charles trying not to let on the worry he feels. Hawkeye almost says something then but finds he can’t lie about it not being so bad. It’s always bad, just like this entire war.

It doesn’t take long once they have arrived for another attack to hit the area immediately before the bustling medical camp. They continue tending to the patients that have it worst, keeping the dust off them as best as they can. Charles looks like he is ready to pass out for the first two or three hours.

They get a short break when a surgeon from another camp arrives and takes over and move to an adjacent room where they won’t be in anyone’s way. Hawkeye lets himself slide down the wall tiredly, every bone in his body aching and the smell of blood still in his nose making it impossible to enjoy a breath of fresh air.

“Pierce, this is-“ Charles doesn’t get the chance to say Hell, because that very instant, a mortar shell goes off almost immediately behind the wall they’re both resting against.

Hawkeye ducks and doesn’t remember reaching out as he waits for the life to be drained from him, and neither does Charles, but they both do. The next seconds are filled with the sound of debris raining to the ground and people screaming outside, and against all odds, their wall is still standing, they are still alive.

Charles moves in Hawkeye’s arms. Under normal circumstances he would never have-

But this isn’t normal. And he’s never been this scared for his life before. Charles’s eyes are screaming in panic when he opens them and Hawkeye does the same, meeting his gaze from mere inches away.

Charles doesn’t need to say it, even if he could, if he weren’t trembling in their tight embrace. Hawkeye’s been here before. And he knows how the panic, the fear for one’s life, never gets less no matter how often you’ve come here before.

Pierce, I am scared.

2) You’re a good brother, Charles. And a better person than you want to let on.

Hawkeye must have found out somehow. Charles doesn’t know how, and for some reason it seems like he hasn’t even told Hunnicutt yet, no comment coming from the other man over the course of the following week, but when the other surgeon enters the swamp and heads straight for the distiller, Charles can see a faint smile playing around the corner of his lips. He finished recording his reply to Honoria a good minute before Pierce entered the tent, so surly he can’t have heard-

Did he wait outside for Charles to finish his recording? It doesn’t seem much like the man that is his constantly loud, annoying bunkmate, but maybe... Just maybe Hawkeye Pierce has some sense of consideration and decency after all.

When Hawkeye sits down on his cot with a tired groan, a martini in his hand, Charles looks up to meet his eye for a short instance. What he sees confuses him deeply. Pierce is wearing a visible smile on his lips now as he toasts to Charles. It almost looks like he means to say something to him, only to think better of it and keep quiet, drinking his martini in silence, his gaze now fixed on BJ’s empty cot.

He had seen Charles’s copy of Moby Dick on to the young private’s bed last month, had heard about how said private had been bullied at first and had put one and one together. He had also accidentally walked in on Charles recording replies to his sister two times already, stopping in his tracks today when he heard Charles speaking softly inside the swamp. This time he waited for him to finish recording his letter before going inside. He doesn’t know much about Honoria Winchester, but Charles seems to care deeply about her.

He takes another sip of his martini as he glances at the man on the cot opposite of his out of the corner of his eye.

You’re a good brother, Charles. And a better person than you want to let on.

3) I won’t tell a soul.

He doesn’t mean to walk in on Pierce and the unfamiliar corporal who are kissing each other frantically in the supply shed. He should have waited outside and knocked, long ago having learned the rule of the sock on the door handle. And still, he can’t help but keep staring for the split second it takes until Hawkeye finds his gaze and there’s panic in his eyes, then anger, then panic again and then a mix of both. Hawkeye is stammering and the corporal is winding out of his arms, ducking behind the high supply shelves and out of Charles’s field of view.

“You- Charles, please.” Hawkeye is struggling to get words – any, really – past his lips and Charles understands, understands so well, but he can’t do much more but give Hawkeye a court nod and a calm “I am not one to start gossip and I certainly shall not start with stories of your romances either, Pierce.” Then he turns and leaves the room, leaving a gaping Hawkeye and the nameless corporal behind.

He walks straight out of the front door, the supply check he’d been meant to do forgotten about. As he leans against the sidewalls of the building, half hidden by the shade, he lets the breath he’d been holding out. His hands and the clipboard he is holding are shaking, and he’s both embarrassed at what happened, for the most part, really, but also just the tiniest bit... delighted? Not at having caught Pierce and the corporal kissing quite intimately, but very much at the fact that he thinks... he understands him a bit better now. Charles doesn’t intend to give him any reason to be able to say the same, but... the thought that someone in the camp would be able understand his position is comforting nevertheless.

His thoughts travel back to the supply shed and Hawkeye’s fearful gaze. He clenches the nails of one hand into his palm as he considers what he truly had wanted to tell the other man that moment. How much he really meant it, wouldn’t tell anyone nor otherwise get him in trouble for it.

I won’t tell a soul.

4) Stay. Please.

Hawkeye is running his fingers in little circles over Charles’s chest, his head resting heavy against the very same. Every breath he takes is a bit of a challenge with the added weight half on top of him. He huffs, and the air he exhales makes the top of Hawkeye’s shock of black hair move slightly.

“Do you always do this when you’re nervous, Pierce?”

Hawkeye lets out a stifled laugh that vibrates right against Charles’s chest. “Who are you to speak? Mister ‘I call the guy I just kissed senselessly by his last name’?”

“Pierce, look-“ Charles lets out a groan that sends Hawkeye into a genuine fit of laughter. “Hawkeye! ... Hawk. Will you please look at me?” He places a hand under Hawkeye’s chin, gently directing the other man to look at him again. He has been avoiding meeting Charles’s eyes for the past five minutes now and, to be quite frank, it is making Charles antsy.

The view he receives takes his breath away for a moment. Hawkeye is still laughing when their gazes meet, his eyes sparkling mirthfully while also expressing an overwhelming fondness. Charles has to fight the urge to lean in and kiss him again.

Just a second later, however, the expression on Hawkeye’s face changes as a thought seems to pass through his mind. The one that had originally driven him from Charles’s reach, his face thereafter hidden in Charles’s chest.

Hawkeye turns his head away and Charles swears he understands what he mumbles next clearly. “I will only be the ruin of you.”

They haven’t talked about this yet. How they each feel about this... arrangement of theirs. What is going to happen when the war finally ends.

Charles has... an odd feeling deep down in his chest that tells him he already knows. Knows what he hopes for. Possibly understands that Hawkeye might just agree with his sentiments. But it is not time for that kind of talk yet.

Right now, it is 3am in Tokyo, and Hawkeye Pierce is busy reaching for his bathrobe, ready to wrap it around himself and his rumpled pajamas. With the added weight off his chest, Charles sits up as fast as he can. He reaches out for Hawkeye’s hand, catching three fingers only at first but holding onto them as if he were holding his entire hand. Startled by the shift of the bed and the sudden touch, Hawkeye freezes and carefully turns around. His other hand is still holding onto his bathrobe, as if his mind is made up, but the gaze Charles now is at the receiving end of is full of fear, past hurt and an odd amount of hope.

Charles’s voice carries the lightest tremble when he speaks up into the silence between them. “Don’t go yet.”

Stay. Please.

5) I won’t give up on you, no matter what happens.

The door lock breaks open a second after they had frantically closed the visible portions of their buttons again.

“Finally,” Hawkeye rasps out, then blames the scratchiness of his voice on the heat in the supply shed they allegedly have been stuck in for almost an hour now. He doesn’t even make a remark about the annoyance of being stuck with Charles of all people anymore. They’re long past that and Hawkeye doesn’t want to feign, doesn’t want to throw verbal stabs Charles’s way even when they both know they’re only lies.

They still don’t talk about it, but it’s there. They only changed their view on each other drastically half a year ago, but it’s enough to make their relationship something they won’t forget – don’t want to forget – for a lifetime. Something so strong that it almost makes them forget about the danger of a blue discharge at times.

Later, much later that day, Charles passes by Hawkeye as he enters Post-OP for his shift. Their hands brush for the briefest moment and Hawkeye takes hold of Charles’s hand as he passes him, squeezing it ever so shortly. He doesn’t stop for a short conversation, a talk that could only cover work-related issues or private ones that were of less importance than what had happened earlier, had been happening for a while now, but that’s alright.

Charles watches Hawkeye walk briskly toward the swamp before turning and going inside to look after their patients. His hand is still tingling from Hawkeye’s brief touch.

I won’t give up on you, no matter what happens.

+ 1) “Till later at the hospital. I love you, Charles.”

Hawkeye is practically draped over his shoulder and whining from the back of his throat. Charles doesn’t know if he should roll his eyes in annoyance or give in and laugh.

“Don’t go.” It’s mumbled into his shoulder and it sounds grumpy as only Hawk manages to be on occasion, said occasion being when he wakes up earlier than he has to and Charles is leaving for work already. Lord have mercy, Charles can even feel him pout through his suit jacket.

Two gangly arms wrap around him and for a moment, Charles is mentally back in Korea and they’re sitting in a jeep, Hawkeyes arms and a blanket wrapped around him comfortingly, with only the stars above them as witnesses. Then he turned around and raises an eyebrow at the man he came to love so many years ago, earlier than he’d allowed himself to admit it.

“Unlike you, I have work in the morning already, Hawkeye. Besides, I can’t afford to be late to my lecture. While my students are quite the eager sort when it comes to learning, they sadly appear to be just as curious about my private life at times. Especially when I’m late for class.” Charles pauses for emphasis, noting the grin that was slowly spreading on Hawkeye’s face. He finds himself returning the grin as he gently lifts Hawkeye’s hands off his shoulders. Hawkeye is quick to replace his hold on Charles, though, his arms now wrapped loosely around Charles’s middle. “Speaking of which, I shouldn’t have brought you for that guest lecture last semester. They keep asking about you all the time!”

“How bad can it be?” Hawkeye asks, seriously, before deciding that it’s time to say goodbye to Charles’s neck, peppering kisses all over his skin. Charles shudders under Hawkeye’s ministrations but makes sure to elaborate nevertheless.

“Well, while the occasional question about whether you will be looking for an apprentice in two years’ time seems quite genuine, I also received a few more personal inquiries the week after you held that lecture. All of them were concerned with the status of your... availability.”

Hawkeye merely hums as he keeps pressing kisses up Charles’s throat. When he reaches his chin, he pulls away. “Well, tell them I’m taken. Smitten. Utterly and foolishly in love for the rest of my life.” He puts his hands over his heart dramatically before pressing a kiss to Charles’s lips, lingering a moment longer than he knows Charles is bound to tolerate when under beginning time pressure.

“How about dinner at that new Italian place down the street this evening?”

Charles tsks. “Again? We only went there the other day. And the day before that.” “Can’t help it, they really know how to make a good pizza.” Hawkeye is grinning at him. “So- is it set?” Charles rolls his eyes at him fondly, but nods. “It is.”

“Now- go look dashing and go dazzle your students with your brilliance,” Hawkeye teases and, with a sweet final kiss, steps back so that Charles can finally leave.

“Till later at the hospital. I love you, Charles.”

Charles makes sure to meet his gaze before placing his hand over his heart.

“I love you, too- utterly and foolishly.”

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