#the infernal grind
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Fair warning, ramble ahead, discussion of fatphobia, diets, issues with exercise and spoilers for The Infernal Grind
Ok. I listened to this latest episode. (Part 2) And it’s just making me think about the way that a non-visual medium can both help and hinder audience’s representation.
I have been fat for more of my life than I wasn’t. There’s a number of factors contributing to this, but those do not matter for this discussion.
What I do remember is the day I went to the doctors in 2nd grade and was told I need to go on a diet. I can remember the whole moment vividly if I’m being honest, it scares me. And every single other doctor I have been to has told me losing weight would help.
These past two years I have not been on a diet and they’re also the past two years I have been listening to the penumbra podcast. No matter how much it was insisted that in canon, Juno Steel was thin and emaciated, so much of the fandom has turned a blind eye and given our favorite lady some meat on his bones.
Juno steel is a fat lady and I stand by that.
For me, a fat, queer and non-binary person to see myself in a character dealing the with depression, dealing with the affects of abuse, all while having someone fall for him was amazing. Juno got to save the day and yet, even if he didn’t see it, he was still sexy. He was still hot.
And THEN to have Buddy Aurinko????? Someone who everyone had to pick their jaw up off the floor for, and she was described as having curves which I and several others took to also mean she was fat while also being stylish and powerful and she commanded a room. She is proud of taking up space.
As silly as it is, I started telling myself that if buddy or Juno could do it, so could I. I’ve started to wear tighter clothes, taller shoes, I even own a real life certified crop top. For so long, I have envied those around me who were smaller and could wear clothes I had for so long had off limits. And I am aware a big part of that is most of the time I do not have anyone controlling my wardrobe choices now I am a bit more of an adult, but it still means so much.
So then it comes to this episode. Forced exercise is literally how the first half starts off and I got exactly two minutes in before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to turn it off and try and calm my rising anxiety in my throat over what would end up being a two and a half hour car ride. I couldn’t even read the transcript it rattled me so badly.
Then tonight, well I had heard enough great things about the second half of the episode and after making a friend give me a play by play of the first half, I felt prepared to listen to the second half because dammit. I was going to hear Vespa’s voice no matter what.
Some might say, my choice was a mistake. It is now two hours after I finished listening and I’m still teetering on the edge of panic over the episode. It was good. I promise. But the part about being forced to run. Being made to keep going no matter what even if you were ready to drop, that hurt me.
And I admit I read the warnings, I heard from others who had listened last episode I know what I was getting myself into. But they included that aspect of torture and had a lady with asthma and who had been on the run in a car for a few months now and could not have been in great shape running and yeah he wasn’t doing too well, but it didn’t seem like he was any more effected than his muscles were sore. And then I figure buddy was also being made to run, and her heart could give out on her at any moment and that’s strenuous activity not to mention Vespa “I gave myself heart attacks” ilkay.
As a fat, chronically ill person who has tried every form of exercise and hated it, I used to break down sobbing begging not to go to whatever activity I had been made to participate in, having characters who are canonically unwell and to have that bit of their health ignored felt Not Great. I’m completely aware that creators do not need to take fanon into account at all, nor am I saying they should, but it was a painful reminder that if it’s the future, why would there fat or actually physically impaired people there. I’m probably reading too much into this. But for as much as I enjoyed the episode, that singular scene really gutted me.
Wonderful episode, I loved it seriously. And I know I’m taking this too literally and I’m reading more into it than was intended but I’ve been having a time lately and this didn’t help.
#personal think piece#penumbra podcast spoilers#latest episode spoilers#the penumbra spoilers#penumbra spoilers#the penumbra podcast#tpp#juno steel#buddy aurinko#vespa ilkay#fatphobia#dieting#diet#long post#ramble#the infernal grind#the infernal grind spoilers
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Man, the Infernal Grind is intense
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a reminder
4.15 Juno Steel and the Infernal Grind transcript
#effervescentdragonrants#a reminder to thineself#juno steel#tpp#juno steel and the infernal grind#tpp 4x15
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SPOILERS FOR PENUMBRA POD EPISODE 4.15!!!!
BRING IT‼️‼️
#IM OBSESSEDDDD#This is probably like. One of my favorite scenes from the entire podcast#like not only because how fucking hilarious it is but also the emotional aspect later.#god i LOVEEEE bastard Juno he’s sooo funny#juno steel#penumbra podcast#juno steel penumbra podcast#juno steel and the infernal grind#penumbra podcast fanart#penumbra podcast meme#juno steel meme#tea art tag
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I wonder if it was intentional on Kabert’s part to make the Aurinko Rehabilitation Facility this extreme version of ABA-based therapy they use often to ‘treat’ Autism. Both of these things are based on behaviorist principles - reinforcing wanted behaviors with rewards and dissuading unwanted behaviors with punishments.
In ABA, the treatment often starts when the autistic kid is like 4-ish years old, with 20 hours a week of therapy, which can build up to around 40 hours a week when a child is older, that’s needed to actually ‘correct’ the behavior significantly. The idea is to do specific exercises until it’s done ‘right’. For example, putting on a coat. An Autistic child might struggle with putting on the coat for sensory issues or due to motor skill issues. The therapist and child then practice putting on the coat for multiple hours, until the kid can do it without having a meltdown. They’ll use treats or playtime or engaging in a special interest as a reward, and may take those away or force the child to do something they don’t like as punishment. They often won’t use corporal punishment but they used to do that until relatively recently.
The prison uses those same principles, but to an extreme. They focus mostly on punishment, but there’s the idea of doing something the ‘right’ way as an end goal. If you don’t do it correctly, you get punished. The correction is constant, which is needed to change the behavior, and the rigid structure provides no reward at all, which is a very extreme take on behaviorism that was not uncommon during the 1900’s when behaviorism took off.
I must say though that I am biased against behaviorism because it doesn’t look at reasons for Why a person behaves the way they do, it just looks at the behavior itself - like how we study animals basically (which is where the idea came from).
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i'm certain i'm the last person to notice this, but... palomine aurinko. as in. pal 'o mine. his daughter's name is buddy. pal of mine and his daughter buddy. i am so angry i am biting glass and chewing metal
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me seeing the title of juno steel and the infernal grind thinking “wouldn’t it be funny if they meant ‘grind’ like that” before realizing they did in fact mean ‘grind’ like that
#juno’s on that infernal grind 😔 the grind never stops rip queen#the penumbra podcast#tpp#junoverse#juno steel
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two broads with a bone to pick
#the penumbra podcast#the penumbra spoilers#junoverse#juno steel#tpp season 4#juno steel and the infernal grind#Juno steel and everyone makes fun of him#buddy aurinko
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Just remembered Juno called Nureyev “the love of my life” brb crying
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HEY PENUMBRA
WHY?! WHAT THE HELL?!
Also: “Cause you are Buddy Aurinko, and I’m uh… ‘Max Action’, and together we’re two broads with a bone to pick.” BEST LINE! BEST LINE! idk why but it just made me happy.
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aaalmost finished level-grinding, threw Partitio into Conjurer even though it doesn't give him a boost to elemental attack and discovered that, with the right equipment, I can get his elemental attack stat to just above 900 when he's at lv. 70, so I think I can really make him work as a support main & backup damage-dealer (and I can finally have him use Bifelgan's Bounty correctly)
some interesting things I found whilst going to every town to gather items and finish sidequests, Temenos won't coerce kids which makes sense, but he also won't coerce anyone who's disabled. Like, any NPC with "suffered an injury and can't do xyz anymore" or "suffers from xyz illness" in their description, Temenos just does not have the option to coerce them, and that's a really neat little detail to have added in
Agnea and Hikari's second crossed paths chapter does NOT elaborate on the mural in the cave except that it shows "the beginning of Ku." Hikari buddy, what the fuck does that mean, I am looking at something that is artistic abstraction on a level equal to the constructivist movement, these squares mean nothing to me.
anyhow, as soon as I get these last three characters to lv 70 I can go ahead and do the final chapters...can't wait to see how much harder or not changed they are in difficulty, since I haven't fought the optional superboss yet and won't until after I beat the actual final boss.
#oh and I haven't fought the miniboss for the Infernal Castle which is making my level-grinding go SO much faster#since I can't encounter it randomly as a result#so it's actually get these last three to lv 70 kick the miniboss's butt so I can get the Stone of Truth and THEN start the final chapters#soon#oracle of lore
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Juno Steel and the only thing we have to lose are our chains
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happy pride! give me peter nureyev back or I commit a Murder in cold blood
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I kept waiting for someone else to make this post but oh well
if i had a nickel every time there was a podcast where the usual music was dramatically replaced with bolero for an episode i would have two nickels which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice
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*checks watch* Whoops it looks like it's Raid the Penumbra Podcast Tag and Reblog a Bunch of Posts o'clock again
#TPP#The Penumbra Podcast#Juno Steel#I hope this isn't toooooo annoying for my followers who aren't into TPP#I tend to do this very intensely every few months#Juno Steel and the Infernal Grind
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