Charlie the Unicorn is Paul Matthews coded: An overly long analysis

So, I've rewatched the entire series of Charlie the Unicorn multiple times, and with it has come a whole lotta brainrot. Not only is it just a great series in general and I love the absurdism of it all, but there's also something else I love about that I just... could not put my finger on. Well, that's until I listened to the song "Everyone is Smiling", and the reprise Charlie later sings. Charlie the Unicorn (both the series and the character) is incredibly Paul Matthews coded and I feel things about it.

(the rest is under the cut because I kinda made this waaayyyyy too long than I meant to)

First, let's talk about Charlie the Unicorn. Charlie, as a character, has no control over his life. He has to follow along with whatever his tormentors, two other unicorns by the name of Pink and Blue, decide would be fun, and it seems like he exists only to follow along with what they want. If they want to steal his kidneys or drag him to the moon, there is nothing he can do about it.

Well, nothing except complain.

See, there is one thing he CAN control, and that is his emotions, and how he feels about all the fucked up shit he has to deal with. The antagonists of the show constantly are shown to be annoyed by Charlie's negative outlook, and they make desperate attempts to strip him of the tiny shred of autonomy he has. The most obvious of these attempts, of course, being the somg song "Everyone is Smiling", where a dolphin wonders how Charlie could still frown and be so depressed when everyone around him is having a fantastic time, and tries to get him to join in and ignore the horrible shit that's going around him. The final lyric of the song before the dolphin leaves is literally "Just stop feeling dread, so there can be good times ahead." Then, there's the reveal that both Pink and Blue, the people that have been torturing our protagonist since the series began, are just corpses puppeted around by literal demons, where you can really start to see the similarities.

Then, there's other half of this comparison, that being Paul Matthews himself. In TGWDLM, there are many signs pointing to the fact that Paul's fate was sealed the moment the show began.

For example, there's the opening of the show, which has the entire cast of actors all onstage already singing and dancing, including Emma who only gets infected by the very end, or the entire existence of the finale and how it's literally just Paul singing about he was doomed from the start and the fact that the song is LITERALLY TITLED INEVITABLE, or the little detail you see even before you watch the show: the title of the musical. What is it called again? Oh, right, The Guy Who DIDN'T Like Musicals, "didn't" being in past tense. He has no control over what will happen to him, his fate is set from the moment the show began.

However, there is one thing he does have control over, that being how he feels and reacts to the apocalypse, his strong dislike of musicals, and his strong lack of a "want". The infected zombies see all of this for what it is; the one thing standing between them and complete control and power over him. Paul's lack of strong desires especially means that they don't have something obvious to exploit, and they can't trick him into accepting apotheosis by making him sing an I Want song.

That leads us to "Let It Out", where the infected zombies all wonder how Paul could possibly not accept apotheosis yet, how he can still refuse to listen to call of the singular voice when he'd finally feel happy (wouldn't that be nice?) and get what he wanted. In this moment, he is surrounded by corpses of his friends puppeted around by an eldritch god, trying to strip him of the small shred of autonomy he has.

This is where their stories start to kind of diverge.

See, Charlie succeeds in defeating his tormentors, shaking off their control over him and his world for good. He does this by singing a reprise "Everyone is Smiling", a direct response to the passive aggressive tune claiming that it's his fault for being miserable, that everything would be easier if he decided to smile instead. In this reprise, he asks why he has to smile, even as the world ends and it withers and dies. He accepts a world that is dead and through his negativity he manages to banish the demons that have been ruining his world. Paul, meanwhile, succumbs to the Apotheosis with a smile. His tormentors succeeds in stripping him of his autonomy, in removing his dislike of musicals and forcing him to accept apotheosis and the withered and dead world that comes with it. This is made increasingly easier by the fact that Paul has a want now, he wants to make a world where he and Emma can be happy together. Where Paul fails to save his world, Charlie succeeds.

In a way, the stories of Charlie the Unicorn and TGWDLM are kind of different versions of the same core premise. One where the protagonist manages to not only cling to their teensy shred of autonomy but also use it to defeat the demons that have been sucking the life out of their world, and one where their small amount of control is not just ripped away, but they're convinced to throw it away themselves.

Chapter I. Ainulindalë, or The Gang Creates a World

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. (©Douglas Adams)

Alright, so if anyone asks, blame it all on Eru.

("With all my due respect, Noldo," you may ask, "are you already making me learn names? In this economy?" Yes. Yes I do. This is Silmarillion, prepare to suffer.)

Anyways, back to the start. You see, in the beginning there was Eru Ilúvatar, aka "The One", aka "Dad Of The Millenia", also known as "God", and in the beginning, there was absolutely nothing. Zero. Nill. Nada. Only the Void.

Eru's been chilling in the Void for absurd amounts of time, unknown and unbothered, untill the loneliness became so dull he said, "you know what? Maybe kids are the flowers of life". And so, Eru created the Ainur, and now he was chilling in the Void with thousands and thousands of eldritch abominations who all had a weird obsession with music.

The kids, of course, started making friends, organizing in groups and trying out various music styles, but, since no music styles were yet created, they... didn't really know what to do with themselves? So they lingered in the Void, all confused and figuring themselves out, sometimes trying to sing, sometimes listening to others sing, and sometimes just cuddling with Eru because Eru was big and strong and steady in this scary world of everdeveloping musical styles and tastes.

Oh yeah. Eru.

You see, Eru knew how to sing. And after the initial amusement over his kids' behaviour and slowly developing social skills passed, he gathered them together and said,

"To hell with sheet scores!" Eru proclaimed. "To hell with music theory! My children, by dearests, my beloveds, improvisation is the way to go! Listen and do like me!"

(The Silmarillion, Eru Ilúvatar, probably)

And so Ilúvatar sang, and since he was a God and also Allpowerful, that was the most beautiful song ever created; and it was so breathtaking, and its ending was so perfect, that the Ainur fell silent - until Eru told them to start singing, to weave their own Melodies around his grand and flawless Theme. Diversity-in-unity, amirite.

And the Ainur sang.

It was a great, mighty Song, consisted of many motives and of many Singers. The Ainur sang, pouring their very souls into it, rising their voices and mending them into a wonderful Harmony, brought together with Eru's Theme; and it was so beautiful it filled the Void, and the Void was no more - and it is said that never again did the Ainur create something compared in greatness to this.

And then, Melkor happened. If anyone asks, blame it all on Melkor. You see, Melkor decided that Eru's Theme wasn't enough. That maybe, just maybe, Eru missed something that Melkor can find and weave into his Melody. Melkor's an artist, it's his vision! He can claim artistic liberties and wander a bit off, right? Just so his Music is a tiny little bit louder. Just so he's heard above the others. Just so he makes sure Iluvatar knows Melkor disagrees with him on certain points.

And so, Melkor created a Discord, that was gradually growing louder and louder. That, of course, brought a certain confusion between the Ainur, and some of them stopped singing entirely. Others, though, said "yo, this guy SLAPS" and joined Melkor on the discord.

And what about Eru? Well, Eru's all for artistic liberties! But, come on, Melkor isn't Eru's only child. Melkor is one of thousands! And currently half of them are either Very Confused or going absolute badongas with the Discord. So Eru, as the good father he is, rises from his throne and sings a new Melody, gently correcting Melkor's, erm, "artistic liberties" and asking him to play nice and get along with his countless siblings. Melkor, of course, responds to this with chaos and outrage of an eldest child who never truly got the meaning of being the "eldest", and starts telling Eru that no, actually you're in the wrong, old man, and I will do what I want. At this point Eru thinks he should've invented discipline before inventing music and sings a new Melody, now with a stern look on his face.

Unfortunately, the Discord grew into something that could be hardly called "music" anymore, just banging and screaming and smashing of endlessly repeating sounds, and Melkor doesn't plan to stop anytime soon! So Eru, who by this time is absolutely pissed, grabs the Music and ceases it with one last perfect-wonderful-youknowthedrill accord. Everything falls silent, and the Ainur look at each other, wondering what in the everloving Void just happened.

"Great are the Ainur," said Eru, "and Melkor is the greatest of them! Now listen here, you little shits, I feel some of you didn't get the drill..."

(The Silmarillion, Eru Ilúvatar, probably)

So anyways, Eru has two rules:

He is the source of the Music, allknowing, allpowerful, allforseeing etc and no matter how hard certain individuals try, they won't be able to create anything outside his Vision™

Everyone who tries to break the first rule Will experience the Narrative and Will become an instrument for Eru's perfect plan

And, while Melkor was busy unlocking new emotions called "Embarassment" and "Anger", Eru showed the Ainur the world they created - Arda, and also introduced them to Eruhini - Children of Ilúvatar (Elves and Men), showed them the potential for creation and committed some other minor propaganda with intention to get the Ainur interested in developing and fleshing out the world - because, in reality, it wasn't yet created and was but a vision. So. Yeah.

Some of the Ainur were intrigued. They went into Arda and committed themselves to it, shaping the world for the Children of Ilúvatar. One of them - also the greatest of them - was Melkor.

Here's what you need to know about Melkor's motivation:

Unfortunately, other Ainur weren't fans of Melkor getting Unlimited Power™ and having him as their King, so Melkor splitted from them - first peacefully, to do his own thing on the other end of Arda, but then, envying other Ainur's achievents, started causing problems on purpose - aka destroying things, leveling mountains to the ground, draining out the oceans, creating volcanoes and indulging in other vandalic activities. And so it was for Eru-knows-how-long: Melkor destroys, Ainur create; Melkor trashes the place, Ainur clean it out; Melkor behaves like a brat, Ainur grit their teeth and deal with the mess.

Of course, with Melkor getting in the way of other Ainur's creative process, the world couldn't be shaped in the way Ainur wanted or the way they intended it in their own Song; but slowly, Arda was becoming more and more beautiful - more and more ready for the children of Iluvatar.

Well, that was it for the Ainulindalë! Next up is Valaquenta, aka "wow, that's a lot of names"...

Not!Propaganda for my Web Submissions that didn't make it:

The Hive (The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals): Fungal spores from the meteor that struck the Starlight Theatre infect humans, transforming them into members of the alien Hive Mind, easily spotted by the "blue shit" they have in place of bodily fluids and their tendency to burst into saccharine musical numbers. They increase in numbers by spiking the coffee at Beanie’s with spores from the meteor. They exploit people’s desires to take manipulate and infect them. For example, “Sam” uses Charlotte’s love for her husband to trick her into releasing him and getting killed, while “Alice” torments Bill by accusing him of failing his daughter, alternating between gloating that she’s “Not your seed” and lamenting how Bill wasn’t there for her as his child. By the end of the musical, they’ve taken over all of Hatchetfield and canonically go on to bring “apotheosis” to the entire world in weeks. They’re basically a living deconstruction of the creepy synchronization musical theatre characters must have to perform together. Their master is also all but confirmed to be Pokotho, The Singular Voice. Ruled by pollrunner to be more Corruption than Web.

Patches (Bloodborne): A human-faced spider that worships the Amygdala--the enormous laser spider fuckers who shoot lasers at you--found around Yharnam. Upon his initial indirect appearance Patches will express sympathy for the player’s plight--”Oh, a hunter of beasts, are you? Glory be. You know not the value you possess. But, more's the pity... The hours of the night are many, and the beasts more then I can count […] Not even death offers solace, and the blood imbibes you.” He then pretends to be doing the player a favor by directing them to “something grand”: “I'm willing to do you a kindness. step lightly round to the right of the great cathedral, and seek an ancient, shrouded church. The gift of the godhead will grant you strength... Yes, I'm unquestionably certain.” Because he’s fucking Patches, this of course baits the unwitting player to visit the church at the top of Yahar'gul and thus to be grabbed by the Amygdala hidden within and transported to the Lecture Building while he gloats. In the Lecture Building, he expresses his rapturous faith in the asshole laser spiders, claiming that he’s giving you a gift by putting you in danger: “What a joy it is, to behold the divine. it must be such a pleasure. You're in my debt, you know. You're nigh on a beast of the field, but here you are, treading a measure with the gods.” In the Nightmare Frontier, he lays treasure at the edge of a cliff and kicks you off of it if you fall for the bait. Either way, when you find him again, he begs for forgiveness, and again twists it so you’re the bad guy if you refuse: “You've made yourself a misreckoning. I shared with you a thing most secret. Now you're witness to a miracle, and all the stronger for it! It's plain as a pikestaff. Now, say in my heart, you were as a lamb to my God. Well, you weren't to know, and it wasn't for you to know. All's well, that ends well, I say.” First, there’s the obvious arachnophobia of a man-headed spider sacrificing people to homicidal eldritch spiders like a smarmy Mr. Spider. He also fits the manipulation parts of The Web because he tricks you by exploiting your greed to lure you into danger, then blaming you for not appreciating it. Everyone even remotely familiar with previous iterations of Patches knows he’s full of shit…but he’s the loveable kind of asshole, and it’d be funny, it’s basically tradition to get kicked over the cliff, and THAT’S HOW HE FUCKING GETS YOU.

The Music Meister (Batman: The Brave and The Bold): Picked on at school for being in choir, he eventually discovered that he could control people's minds using his singing voice: “The ruffians around me quickly fell into a trance / And it was then with wicked glee I made those puppets dance!” He uses his powers to compel people into helping his villainous schemes, reveling in the absolute control he has over his victims: “He’s the Music Meister/ He's the Music Meister! / And we are all his pawns!’ He doesn’t even have to actually be singing, as the characters he mind-controls in the first scene start singing along to the music before he enters, knowing they’re acting against their wills but not knowing why. He forces several heroes and villains to dance and sing in his introduction song while helping him launch a satellite into space, then disposes of them when they’re no longer useful by ordering them to kill themselves: “And now that Batman's been delayed, your usefulness has passed / A distraction is what I need, so kick into that blast!” His master plan is using the satellite to mind control the entire planet, which he successfully does in the climax, making them steal the wealth of the world and sing his praises.

Aranea Serket (Homestuck): Like her dancestor, Vriska, Aranea possesses the ability to exert influence or outright control over the minds of others; She is shown being able to control vast multitudes of trolls and, through this control, use their abilities by proxy (as shown by her manipulation of various incarnations of Damara Megido whilst she was in an entirely different plane of reality). Having millions of years to hone her abilities and being a godtier, she plans to essentially hijack the multiverse and make it fit her whims. She plans on preventing Lord English from coming into being by messing with the timeline and using her Sylph of Light powers to make it into the alpha timeline after it becomes doomed; then she plans on making countless other universes she intends to watch over and prevent the rise of someone else like him from ever happening. To accomplish this, she mind controls Gamzee into resurrecting her, then activates Jake’s Hope powers without his consent and starts going by Mindfang (the title of her post-Scratch counterpart, known for keeping the Dolorosa as a mind-controlled sex slave and having the amazing life Aranea aspires to live). She wrecks everyone else's plans and either incapacitate or outright kill anyone who gets in her way because she was tired of only being a background character while everyone else got to live such interesting lives. According to Meenah, “the stuff she does is never about the things shes actually doing. its about what those things M-EAN and makin sure everyone KNOWS what they mean. and above all makin sure everyone understands how important she is cause shes obviously the source of all that critical M-EANING without which all action would be pointless right?” Like Vriska, her plans are ultimately less about solving everyone’s problems and more about making herself important, getting to be the center of everything. This is reflected by her Title--as the Sylph of Light, she seeks to “heal” the narrative relevance (Light) she lacks to become the main character of the story. Unfortunately, got fewer submissions than Vriska.

The Dawn Machine (Sunless Sea): A sinister device being constructed at the south-west point of the Unterzee. The slogan of the Dawn Machine's creators, the New Sequence, is "progress without change" — social structures and traditions reborn in a new, unified, efficient, form. In the Fallen London universe, the laws in the universe are dictated by the Judgements — stars. They decide what Is and destroy what Is Not with their light. The reason why the Neath is so full of weirdness is that the Judgements can't detect or reach it with their light (except Aestival). This is important because the Dawn Machine is actually a customized version of a Judgement built by the New Sequence, which means that they can put whatever laws that they want into it, functionally rewriting the universe to their own designs. They indeed got something pretty close to a Judgement…complete with the "sentient" part, which became a problem when their lawmaking machine decided "everyone should obey me" is now a law and burned it into its followers' brains. In its supremacy ending, it takes over London, giving everyone in it a new lease on life at the cost of their free will and presumably the wellbeing of everyone outside of London.

Handsome Jack (Borderlands): Jack wanted everything under his thumb and watchful eye, from a planet filled with bandits and hostile creatures to a powerful Vault Monster to his own daughter, who he enslaved as a living computer terminally addicted to Eridium in retaliation for her accidentally killing her mother. As of the beginning of the Pre-Sequel, Jack is presented as just some guy in over his head with heroic aspirations, yet those who have completed Borderlands 2 know that he has already wired Angel up to Hyperion's A.I. and used her to trick the original 1 Vault Hunters into opening a Vault filled with "nothing but tentacles and disappointment," causing the mineral eridium to emerge on the surface of Pandora. He's hired another gaggle of Vault Hunters to come find another Vault on the moon, he's built a massive orbital laser cannon into Helios, and he's commissioned a surgical body double--all this while still a "low-level Hyperion programmer." In a position where others might be content to pilfer office supplies or make personal long-distance calls on company phones, he's already meddling with the destiny of the galaxy. He then takes over Hyperion, declares himself Dictator of Pandora, blocks the light by building a base right in front of the planet's moon, and claims credit for finding the Vault and slaying of The Destroyer. He tricks potential Vault Hunters into coming to Pandora, then has them killed after they board his monorails. Even after he’s dead, his AI copy tries to reclaim his power by building up a friendly rapport with Rhys (whose cybernetics he’s installed in), then attempting to bodyjack Rhys after Rhys becomes CEO of Hyperion. Ruled by pollrunner to be more Stranger, which I strongly disagree with, but my explanation wasn't really the best and the mask is pretty creepy.

Honorary mention for Magica DeSpell (Ducktales 2017): She created Lena as her servant, emotionally abusing and dominating her for her entire life to make Lena follow her orders; she promised Lena her freedom in exchange for the Number One Dime, but the absolute disregard she shows for Lena’s wellbeing or personhood indicates that her plan was always to suck Lena back into her shadow in the end. When she sees that Lena is growing more independent and seeking out friends, she doubles down on the intimidation and starts physically jerking Lena’s body around to stop her from disobeying. This culminates in her using Lena as a meat puppet (while Lena is apparently conscious) to take the dime and attack Lena’s loved ones. She’s not really a Web Avatar on the whole, but Ducktales Season 1 from Lena’s perspective is such a Web Statement that I had to mention her.

Honorary mention for Sam Reich (Game Changer), who is a real person and therefore disqualified. However, as someone who has seen this man gleefully fuck with his contestants using everything from unionbusting via bringing in a scab, intentionally just-hard-enough-to-be-unwinnable minigames designed to prey on a man's psychological weaknessess, and secretly locking three people in a greenroom covertly converted into an escape room, to the point that these people fully believed he faked a vote in the Survivor episode to turn them against each other, I fully believe that a fiction Sam Reich could be an Avatar of the Web.

And one more who I think deserves his own post.

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