#the fucked up chad-ish dude
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I was tagged by @its-deputy-caleb Thank you darling! 🌸💖
It was A HUGE challenge to pick ONLY nine. I have so much more, it feels like I'm betraying them lol 😅
I tag (no pressure ❣️) @ttuesday @melis-writes @rosesloveletters @dutchvanwinkle and anyone else who wants to!
#my type ....#pfff#the questionable past one#morally questionable#that's a must with me lol#the heroic type too#basically#the fucked up chad-ish dude#appearance vise i should make a whole different post lol
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When will you post the y/n Meeks Martin x Ethan Landry post 😭
Right fucking now lmao.
This is my first post in a while, take it easy on me 💕
Secrets - Ethan Landry x Fem!Meeks-Martin!Reader
This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Summary: Growing up with overprotective siblings has made it difficult for you to find someone to be with, until you meet your brother's nerdy best friend.
Contains: Fluff, Angst, Some violence-ish, Oral - f receiving, riding, p in v, teasing. (If I missed something, let me know:)
A/N: If any of yall are familiar with Spongebob, I have the fucking suds and I'll be writing a lot the next few days lmao
Your brother and sister were so protective of you. After some of the things they’d been through, you couldn’t really blame them, and you were thankful that they were always looking out for you. The only downside? They seemed to hate every person that asked you out or showed interest in you. You were sure that you would be single forever if it was up to them, because they didn’t think anyone was good enough for you.
Once they went away to New York for school, you missed them, but with there only being a one-year age difference, you knew you wouldn’t have to wait long before you’d be heading to Blackmore. You took the opportunity to finally put yourself out there and go on dates without the twins interfering, and you were starting to realize how right they were when they told you that the guys in Woodsboro weren’t really worth your time.
When you FaceTimed Chad to let him know that you got accepted into the same university as him and Mindy, he was beaming at the news. He was going on and on about all the things he loved about New York, and wouldn’t shut up about the pizza, but you tuned out everything he was saying once you noticed his roommate in the background. His hot roommate.
“Dude, my sister got in!” Chad yelled, as you rolled your eyes. He seemed more excited than you were about the whole situation. “Ethan, come say hi.”
“Fine,” he huffed, as Chad passed him his phone. He paused for a second once he saw you, but quickly pulled it together. It was awkward enough to meet someone for the first time on a phone screen, and he didn’t want to make it any weirder. “Hey, I’m Ethan.”
“Ah, the dorky roommate,” you said, as Ethan looked away from you to glare at Chad.
“Is that how you tell people about me? You say that I’m dorky?”
“If the shoe fits…” Chad trailed off before he tried to take his phone back from Ethan.
“Well, it was nice to meet you,” he said, passing the phone back to your brother.
“Have you told Mindy yet?” Chad questioned, a smirk on his face as he waited for your answer.
“No…”
“I knew I was your favorite!”
Once Chad and Mindy came home for summer break, they wouldn’t stop talking about how excited they were to take you back to New York with them. They were heading back early to help Chad move into his own apartment with Ethan, and Mindy was moving into the spare bedroom at Tara’s with Anika. They decided that you needed to come with them, even though you wouldn’t be able to move into your dorm for a couple weeks.
“I’m not thrilled about couch surfing,” you said, as Chad rolled his eyes.
“I’d sleep on the couch. You could sleep in my bed.”
“So, she’s staying with you for two weeks? I thought she’d stay at Tara’s,” Mindy said, “What happens when you want to stay over with Tara and she’s left alone with Ethan?”
“Oh, please. Ethan won’t try anything,” Chad said, as Mindy scoffed. “What?”
“What makes you think Ethan wouldn’t try something?”
“Because he’s my boy. He knows she’s off limits…I already told him,” Chad said, as you sighed in frustration.
“You know what? I’m not doing this whole ‘You can’t date so and so’ shit that I’ve dealt with for years,” you said, as Mindy cocked her eyebrow at you.
“You’re staying at Tara’s,” she said, “You’ve gotten a little feisty lately. It wouldn’t surprise me if you tried to get with Ethan just because we said you can’t.”
“No, I’m staying with Chad. It’ll be fine. Ethan doesn’t seem like the type to try anything,” you said, as she had a confused look on her face.
“When have you talked to Ethan?”
“Oh, that was when she called me first to let me know she got into Blackmore,” Chad smirked, as Mindy snapped her head in his direction.
“No, she called me first.”
They turned to look at you, “Who did you call first?” they both asked at the same time, as you shrugged.
“I’ll never tell.”
When you made it to New York, you were exhausted. You couldn’t sleep on the five-hour flight, and the jet lag was really starting to get to you as you went to the baggage claim area to get your stuff.
“When’s your furniture getting delivered?” Mindy asked, as Chad checked his phone.
“Soon. Ethan’s here somewhere,” Chad said, glancing around for his friend that was taking you back to your new home for the next two weeks.
“I think that’s him,” you said, pointing to the guy with the huge sign that said ‘Meeks-Martin’. “Is he always that lame?”
“Yeah, poor dude can’t get a girlfriend to save his life because he’s that cheesy,” Chad said, as he walked over and took the sign from him. “We’re just going to put this in the trash.”
“Hey, it took me two minutes to make that,” Ethan said, as he glanced over to you. He noticed you struggling with your luggage and carryon. “Can I help you with that?”
“I got it,” Mindy said, grabbing the large suitcase from you. She stared Ethan down for a second before she walked past him.
“How do you deal with them?” Ethan asked, as you sleepily smiled at him.
“They’re not that bad.”
As Ethan drove, Mindy was in the backseat arguing with Chad as he sat in the passenger seat about how you staying at Tara’s would be best. You sighed as they bickered, before you noticed that Ethan kept glancing back at you in the rear-view mirror. You thought he was even more attractive in person and thought about how hard the next couple weeks could potentially be with him living in the same apartment as you.
“Seriously, how are you going to feel when those losers leave the toilet seat up all the time?” Mindy questioned, as Chad scoffed.
“I think we’re housebroken,” Ethan spoke up for the first time in the drive as he glanced back at Mindy. He quickly looked away once he noticed her glaring at him.
“Listen, Landry. I know I won’t be able to convince her, so I want to make it perfectly clear that if you touch my sister, I will kill you.”
“What makes you guys think that I’m like that?” Ethan asked, the annoyance in his tone obvious.
“They think anyone’s like that when it comes to me,” you said, smiling at him as his eyes met yours in the mirror again.
You made it to Chad and Ethan’s apartment seconds after the furniture delivery truck pulled in. Once they opened the back of the truck, Mindy’s jaw dropped.
“I can’t believe mom paid for all this stuff,” she said, as Chad sighed.
“She didn’t. Ethan and I took out loans.”
“Maybe you should’ve asked mom. She paid for all my bedroom stuff,” Mindy shrugged, as Chad sighed.
“Why didn’t I think of that?”
After the stuff for the apartment was scattered in various areas of the house, Mindy got the text that Anika was at Tara’s, and was wondering when she’d be over.
“You staying here, or coming with me?” Mindy asked but cut you off before you could even respond. “You’re coming with me.”
“No, she can hang out here if she wants to. We’re all going out for pizza later tonight, anyway,” Chad said, as Mindy rolled her eyes.
“Are you two going to argue like this until I move into my dorm?” you questioned, as the twins exchanged their glances.
“Probably.”
“I’ll hang out here,” you said, as Mindy nodded.
“I’ll see you soon.”
Later that evening after you’d helped the two boys set up their new apartment, you were starting to get hungry. Chad wanted to keep working, and you eventually flopped onto the couch, sighing in defeat.
“I’m starving,” you whined, as Ethan walked into the living room and sat down on the free cushion beside where your feet were resting.
“Me too,” Ethan said, matching your whining as Chad glared at the two of you. “What? It’s been a long day. We skipped lunch.”
“We’ll leave soon,” Chad said, as you got an idea in your head.
“Orrr you could meet us there,” you suggested. “You know how I get if I don’t eat.”
“True,” Chad sighed, “Ethan, make sure nothing happens to her.”
“I won’t let her out of my sight.”
As you walked beside Ethan, he started to make small talk. By the time you made it to the restaurant, you were in a full-blown conversation about all the interests you both had, and he was proud of himself that he didn’t get nervous when he talked to you. You scanned the restaurant for your sister and Tara, but once you noticed they weren’t there yet, you and Ethan sat at one of the tables.
“Do you want to eat now, or wait?” he asked, looking at you from across the table.
“We can eat now, I’m so hungry.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
While you and Ethan ate the pizza that Chad hyped up so much, you were surprised at how good it was. You kept talking to Ethan, but you soon realized how much time had passed, and no one else had showed up to the restaurant.
“Where do you think they are?” you asked, as Ethan sighed.
“Okay, don’t hate me,” he said, as you curiously stared at him. “I kind of wanted to get to know you without your brother and sister making it seem like I was trying to get into your pants.”
“That’s really sweet,” you said, taking a sip of your drink. “But if they aren’t here, where are they?”
“They probably went to the one on campus.”
“Did you trick me into going to dinner with you?” you joked, as he started to blush.
“I’ll be honest, I thought they would’ve come to hunt you down by now.”
As soon as those words left his mouth, Chad, Mindy, Tara, and who you assumed to be Anika walked in. Chad sighed in relief once he saw you, but Mindy just looked pissed.
“You know how many pizzerias we stopped at to look for you?” she questioned before she looked at Ethan. “Why did you bring her to this one?”
“Simple mistake,” he shrugged, as Mindy stared him down.
“Simple mistake, my ass. I told you Ethan would try something with her.”
“It’s just pizza!” you snapped, “Last time I checked, we weren’t fucking.”
Everyone’s jaws dropped at your words as the waitress brought the check to the table. Ethan took it from her, his mouth still hanging open as he looked at you.
“You want to split it?” you asked, as he shook his head.
“I got it.”
“We’re going back to Tara’s,” Chad said, as you stood up from the table to hug her.
“Hey,” you said, before you turned to Anika. “It’s nice to meet you. Mindy wouldn’t shut up about you all summer.”
“Aww, babe,” she said, pulling Mindy into a side hug.
“Look, as much as I’d love to hang out with you guys, I’m exhausted,” you said, yawning as Chad sighed.
“I really wanted to hang out with Tara.”
“I’ll walk her home,” Ethan suggested, as Mindy, once again, glared at him. “I can drop her off and go to Tara’s after.”
“No, I don’t want her left alone in an area that she doesn’t know,” Chad said, as you rolled your eyes.
“I can stay there with her, then. Seriously, I won’t try anything,” Ethan said, putting his hands up in defeat as Chad nodded.
“I know you won’t, dude. Thanks.”
As you and Ethan made your way out of the restaurant, you heard Mindy scold Chad for being so trusting. But Chad felt like he had no reason to think Ethan would do anything to betray his trust.
Once you got back to the apartment, you were tired, but not tired enough to fall asleep. Ethan was about to head to his room before you stopped him.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
“I thought you were exhausted?” he asked, as he turned around and made his way towards you.
“I just didn’t feel like going with them and being there all night,” you sighed, as he sat on the opposite end of the couch. “Why are you sitting over there?”
“Because if Chad comes home and sees me sitting beside you, I’m sure I’ll be moving out of here into an unmarked grave,” he said, half-joking as you rolled your eyes.
“Please. If it was Mindy, yeah. But Chad, I don’t think so.”
“Whatever you say,” he said, scooting closer to you as he turned on the tv. “You cool with something scary?”
“Mindy’s my sister, what do you think?”
“Scary it is.”
Ethan thought that after sitting through some of the goriest movies ever with the Twins, there was no way that you’d be freaking out over some jump scares. But once you were practically in his lap, your face hiding behind your hands as the scene played out on the screen, he started to laugh to himself.
“What?” you asked, looking up at him. That’s when you realized that you were practically on top of him and went to move, but his arm wrapped around you to hold you in place.
“Your brother and sister don’t get phased by this shit,” he said, smiling down at you. He started to glance between your eyes and your lips, and he was so close to making a move, when a loud shriek on the screen pulled your attention away from him.
“This is one of the few I haven’t seen,” you shrugged, “I wouldn’t be so jumpy if you picked something I had seen before.”
“I don’t think I believe you,” Ethan chuckled, as you turned your head to look at him again.
“If you want to kiss me, you should probably do it soon. The movie’s almost over,” you said, as he smiled and leaned down.
When his lips touched yours, you felt something different than what you’d usually feel when you’d kiss someone. You immediately felt the chemistry, and with the way his lips were quickly moving with yours, you were sure that he felt it, too.
Once he pulled away to catch his breath, he had a sweet smile on his lips. He definitely didn’t expect to kiss his best friend’s sister, but he was happy that you were bold enough to tell him it was okay. Another thing he didn’t expect was for you to adjust yourself so you were straddling him, as his eyes looked into yours. His hands moved to rest on your thighs as you leaned down to kiss him again. This time, it was way more intense. Your hands were in his hair as his hands rested on the curve of your ass to keep you as close as he could.
The second the kiss got deeper, you heard the sound of a key going into the front door.
“Shit,” you said, pulling away and jumping off the couch.
“Wait,” Ethan said, as he followed you. He pulled you in for one more quick kiss before you rushed into Chad’s room and shut the door.
When Ethan walked back out, Chad had just made it to the living room.
“Where were you?” Chad questioned, as Ethan glared at him.
“My room is beside yours. I wasn’t trying anything with your sleeping sister,” Ethan scoffed, as Chad nodded.
“Sorry, dude. I had to listen to Mindy talk about how much she hated the idea of the two of you being here alone.”
“It’s cool, just don’t accuse me of shit you know I wouldn’t do.”
Ethan felt a little guilty for lying to Chad, but you were the first girl that he’d actually felt something for in a long time. After days of stealing quick kisses and steamy make-out sessions whenever Chad was in the shower, the sexual frustration was starting to build. Ethan knew that he wasn’t going to initiate it, because the last thing he wanted was for you to think that was the reason he was spending time with you. Plus, you hadn’t been left alone long enough since the first night.
“So, I think Tara and I are going to a movie tonight. You guys want to come?” Chad asked, as Ethan looked over to you as you sat on the opposite end of the couch.
“I’m not really in the mood to watch a movie,” you said, as Chad cocked his eyebrow at you.
“You don’t want to watch a movie?” he questioned, as you shook your head. “What about you, Ethan?”
“Dude, spend time with your girlfriend. I’m sure she doesn’t want a third wheel tagging along.”
“Mindy and Anika are going, too. You wouldn’t be a third wheel,” Chad said, as Ethan chuckled.
“Your right, I’d be a fifth wheel. You guys have fun. I’ll probably just play video games all night anyway.”
“Okay, I should be back around eleven,” Chad said, as he made his way towards the apartment door.
As soon as he left, Ethan was on you, literally. You moved so you were laying back as he hovered over you, his mouth moving with yours as your legs wrapped around him.
“Hey, do you want to go to your room?” you asked once he pulled away to breathe.
“You sure?”
“Mhm.”
Within seconds, his feet met the floor, and his hands reached for yours to pull you up. He led you down the hallway to his room, before his lips connected with yours again. He backed you towards the bed, a small squeal slipping past your lips against his as your back hit the comforter. Your legs wrapped around him again, holding him as close to you as you could. One of his hands was running up your side over your shirt, until the material started to ride up. He gave you goosebumps as his fingers moved over the newly exposed flesh, before he pulled away to look at you.
“What do you want to do?” he asked, “Because if you just want to make out, that’s fine. There’s no pressure, and I don’t want you to think that I just want sex.”
”I know you don’t,” you said, smiling at him. “But if the sexual tension get’s any stronger between us and we don’t do something about it, I might actually explode.”
“So, you want sex,” he said, trying his best to not freak out.
“Yeah,” you said, as he leaned back down.
It didn’t take long for his hips to start moving, the hard cock in his sweatpants brushing against you. You gasped into the kiss every time your clit got the smallest amount of friction, before his hand moved in between your bodies so he could rub you over the shorts you were wearing.
“Fuck,” you mumbled against his lips. “You can take those off me, if you want.”
He quickly slid them down your hips before his hand went back in between your legs, rubbing across your soaked panties.
“You’re so wet,” he groaned, “Does kissing me do this to you?”
“Yes,” you said, as his lips moved to your neck.
Your bottom lip was in between your teeth as he slid your panties to the side, his finger rubbing slow circles over your clit.
“We’re here alone, baby. Don’t hold those pretty sounds in.”
Soft whimpers were slipping past your lips as his finger moved faster against your sensitive bundle of nerves. Your pussy was already drenched, and you felt yourself getting more wet by the second. You whined in protest once he pulled away, but he quickly shut you up, a low moan falling out of your mouth when he easily slid two of his fingers inside you as he moved down the bed.
Your hands tangled in his hair the second his tongue touched your clit, his fingers hitting that special spot inside you. Your hips were involuntarily arching off the bed at the feeling as he struggled to keep you pinned down.
“So good,” you moaned, as he sucked your clit into his mouth. “Fuck.”
Once he started to hum with your clit in his mouth, you felt the coil in your stomach getting tighter and tighter. Your moans kept getting higher and louder, and he made the mental note that he really couldn’t sneak around with you like this if Chad happened to be home, because you were just so loud. He loved it, though. All the noised you were making went straight to his throbbing cock as he brought you closer to the edge. Once your pussy started to squeeze his fingers, he sucked harder on your clit, the feeling throwing you into an intense orgasm. He groaned as your shaky hands tugged on his hair, his fingers slowing as he got you through it.
Once you started to relax, he sat up to look at you as he slowly slid his fingers out. Your cheeks were rosy, your chest was heaving, and you were still a little shaky. He loved that he had that effect on you and couldn’t wait to actually be inside of you.
“Let me help you with your shirt,” he said, as you sat up and looked at him, your eyes still hazy.
“That felt so good,” you finally said, as he chuckled.
“I hope so with how hard you were pulling my hair.”
“I’m sorry,” you said softly as he shook his head.
“Don’t be sorry, I loved it.”
Once he got you out of your shirt and bra, and he slid his sweatpants down his hips, he walked over to the bedside table to grab a condom.
“You still want to do this, right?” he asked, as you smiled at him.
“Yeah.”
He slid his boxers down his thighs before he rolled the condom on and lined up with your soaked pussy. He took his time as he inched his way inside of you, a loud moan falling past your lips once he was all the way in.
“So fucking tight,” he rushed out, before he started with slow thrusts. “That feel good?”
“Yes,” you moaned, your hands reaching up to squeeze your breasts as he started to go faster.
You knew you were wet, but you could hear how wet you actually were as his cock slid in and out of your pussy. His eyes stayed on you. He didn’t want to miss any of the faces you were making.
“Can I be on top?” you asked, as he smirked at you.
“Yeah, babe,” he said, as he pulled out and laid down.
You got up and moved to straddle him, the whimpers flooding out of your mouth as you sank down onto him.
Ethan felt like he was in heaven as his hands held onto your hips. He had the perfect view of your face, your tits, and he could even see his cock sliding in and out of you. Your hands moved to rest against his chest so you could stabilize yourself as you rolled your hips, the tip of his cock giving your g-spot the attention it needed.
“Come here,” he said, as you leaned down, your bare chest pressing against his. You felt his hands snake around you to hold you close before his hips started to move, his cock thrusting in and out of you so quick that you couldn’t think straight. He was letting out soft grunts that could barely be heard over your moans. You were both getting sweaty as you clung to him, his pace not letting up as you felt yourself start to get close.
“Fuck, Ethan,” you whined, as you felt that white-hot feeling spreading across your body, your hands gripping him as he just kept fucking up into you.
“I’m almost there, baby.”
You didn’t think it was possible, but he went even faster. You were a moaning mess as he kept slamming his cock into you, before his thrusts got erratic.
“Cumming,” he groaned, as you slowly moved back to meet his thrusts as he got himself through it. “Fuck, that was…fuck.”
“Yeah,” you mumbled against his chest.
He slid out of you but held you close for a few minutes, his hands rubbing over your back as you both caught your breath.
That’s when you heard other voices inside the apartment. You shot up, your eyes looking down to meet Ethan’s panicked ones.
“Where are they?” Mindy asked, the annoyance in her tone obvious as you and Ethan jumped up to grab your clothes off the floor.
Ethan quickly took the condom off and slid his boxers on as you tried to put your clothes back on. It was too late, though, once his bedroom door eased open.
“Hey, dude,” Chad said, before closing the door once he noticed Ethan was just in his boxers. “Shit, sorry.”
Chad was embarrassed as he turned to look at Mindy before he realized something. Your shorts were on Ethan’s bedroom floor.
“What the fuck is going on in here?” Chad’s voice boomed once he opened the door. This time he was able to see you, but you’d just slid your shorts back up over your hips. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
He walked over to Ethan and grabbed him by the shirt he was able to put on in those few seconds, and you could see the fear in Ethan’s eyes as he looked over to you.
“Don’t fucking look at her!” Chad yelled, as Mindy finally walked into the room.
“Told you her staying here was a mistake,” she said, as Chad got angrier by the second.
“I didn’t think that my best friend couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.”
“Stop, seriously. You guys are making this more than it needs to be,” you said, as Chad looked over to you. “Calm down, Chad. He’s your best friend.”
“Last time I checked, friends don’t sleep with their friend’s sister!” he yelled, before he looked back at Ethan. “I can’t fucking believe you did this.”
“Why are you acting like I had no part in this?” you asked, as Mindy scoffed.
“Yeah, right. I’m sure Ethan charmed you out of your panties just to get what he wanted.”
“That’s not true!” Ethan snapped, his fear of Chad kicking his ass turning to anger as his friend finally let go of his shirt. “I really like her. This has nothing to do with me just wanting to sleep with her.”
“She’s my baby sister, Ethan!”
“Stop calling me that,” you sighed in frustration. “I’m a year younger than you. I’m a legal adult. Nothing Ethan and I did is wrong aside from you two saying that he needed to keep his distance from me.”
“He obviously doesn’t listen,” Mindy said, as you felt yourself start to get mad.
“You know what really fucking sucks? You two are my best friends, but you won’t let me live. You won’t let me experience things. You know Ethan’s not a bad person…you know how bad I’ve wanted to hang out with him and get to know him better, but you guys won’t let that happen.” you ranted, “I like him, too. And if I want to be with him, you aren’t going to tell me that I can’t! You better not threaten him anymore, either. I’m sick of this childish shit.”
Your sibling stared at you as Chad nodded in understanding. He had no problem intimidating any of the boys that’d shown interest in you, but out of the two of them, he was the one that seemed to be the one that got you.
“I do really like her. I don’t want us to have to sneak around, but I’ll keep doing it, if I have to,” Ethan said, smiling at you. “She’s amazing. It’d be stupid of me to not want a chance with her.”
“Do we have to sneak around? Or can you guys be cool about it?” you asked, as Chad sighed.
“I’m cool with it. Just…no hooking up when I’m here.”
“You’re okay with this?” Mindy scoffed, as Chad rolled his eyes.
“Ethan’s not a bad person. If he really likes her, what’s the big deal?”
“And that’s why he’s my favorite,” you said, brushing past them to head to the bathroom.
“Told you,” Chad said, teasingly pointing at Mindy before she smacked his hand away. “Ow!”
“Ethan, you better not hurt her,” Mindy scolded, as he nodded.
“I won’t…but can you guys get out while I put my pants back on?”
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Ok ok ok hear me out I just got done reading your Ethan laundry x afro Latina! Reader fic right and this amazing thought popped into my head Ethan x afro indigenous! Tattoo artist! Reader and shes all tatted up and a bunch of piercings and she has like a bride of Frankenstein streak in her hair and her hair is like long long past her butt type long so Chad had convinced Ethan to get a tattoo with him cause their bros so they do a lil research and they find that there's a tattoo place right around the block from them so they go and they get pulled back and reader is there and she gets to tattoo Ethan so her and another artist tattoo them but before that she asks where their getting the tattoos and before Ethan can process the question chads like on our thighs so readers doin her thing but heres the thing Ethan is freaking the fuck out cause he's a virgin and this is the closest he's ever been to a girl or even being touched by one cause let's be honest he's never even been on a date and he can FEEL HER BREATH ON HIS THIGH so he like fuck bro what do I do in going to get a semi and she keeps doin her thing then she starts asking him questions about himself and stuff then by the time she done tattooing him and she has his tattoo all wrapped up and she like if you ever need another tattoo text me and I'll set you up and she winks at him then slips her card with her number on it into his shirt pocket and he's dumbstruck and then him and Chad leave and he's like bro omg dude you just got a chicks number you've grown up so fast and he starts teasing him and stuff
Ok that's all thank you for your time ily❤️
Don’t know if I want the reader or Ethan more 😭🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Also a tatted up goth-ish reader with Ethan is like, so hot. I need to write ab that 🙈
but what would Ethan get a tat of 🤔🤔🤔 like I’m tryna think of one that suits him and have not thought of one yet 😞
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Rad looked into the distance with a grin, “looks like surf’s up.”
“Looks like the only ten you’ll be hanging will be the ten years you’ll be hanging out behind bars, dude.”
Fox sighed, holding a cup of caf that read ‘I kicked palps out of a window and all I got was this stupid mug’.
“you have fantastic abs bro and the world deserves to see them, but I don’t think you’ll be let in if you don’t at least put some pants on.”
“What I do at Spalmart,” Fox leveled a threatening finger at Cody. “Is none of your goddamn business.”
“Why the FUCK is my office covered in sticky notes, Cody?”
After five-ish to ten minutes, even possibly fifteen (Chad didn’t own a watch)
Twenty minutes later (or possible thirty Chad hadn’t somehow acquired a watch between the last dare and this one)
Chadquel quotes im particularly proud of lmaooooo
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your best american girl. - chapter 2 [show me how]
━━ . ˚₊ ꒱ "but I'm not the moon, I'm not even a star."
IN WHAT SEEMS to be forever ago Sam and her friends were just practicing in Krists basement and now working in a studio to produce Nirvana's most iconic album (they obviously didn't know that yet).
"You know what sounds so good right now?" Sam asked Chad who was sitting at his drum set while Kurt was talking to their producer. "What?—wait, don't say-" Before he could finish Sam said "Hungry Howies!!" This made the two burst out laughing. Hungry Howies was a pizza joint back in Aberdeen where the band would eat at after every 'gig' or that's what Krist called it but in reality it was just house parties.
"Hey Sammy someone's on the phone for ya" John, their manger, says opening the door to the recording room. "Oh did they say who it was?" She asked putting her guitar back on the stand to walk towards John. "Uh some guy named Jeff? Fuck if I know kid." He shrugged before Sam smiled at him to walk past him towards the phone, picking it up.
Sam knew who was calling but for the sake of herself, she chose to pretend she didn't know who this Jeff was. "Hello?" She smiled into the phone, leaning against the wall it was near. Unfortunately this was in view of the recording room so the band had full view of her on the phone.
"Hey baby how are you?" The man, Jeff, greeted her. "Oh ya know just recording. I think this album is gonna be a hit!" Sam said excitedly. And this was true she truly liked this album, mainly because she helped write two of the songs. "Happy to hear that Sammy. What time do you get back to your place?" Jeff asked. "Oh I dunno maybe around 2 am ish? Why?"
"What do you think they're talking about?" Chad asked. The two somewhat ignored him and continued watching her. "I think she's talking to that same guy from last night." Kurt said, crossing his arms over his chest. "What? What guy?" Krist snapped his head to the blonde, confused.
"I dunno man! I just overheard her talking to some dude..." He shrugged before nodding to John through the window. "Hey lovebirds we don't got the studio all day now!" John lightly scolded Sam who just sighed and waved him off. "Yeah yeah one second!"
"Hey Jeff I'll talk to you tomorrow mmk?" She hummed into the phone. "Yeah yeah—alright bye love you too." As she hung up to the phone John raised his eyebrows to her. "Not a word John, not a word.." He just chuckled as they went back into the recording studio.
"That's it! I'm done! You guys can find another fucking drummer!" Was all Sam heard as she walked into the room the band was in. "Hey hey! What the fuck is going on?" She asked, standing in front of Chad who was about to leave the room. "I should be asking you that!" He huffed. "Hey man just tell me what happened!" Sam was starting to get a little pissed off at the fact that she was clueless about what was going on.
"You guys have always left me out! It was always you guys as the trio! Kurt, Krist and Sam! Three fucking peas in a pod! But this is the last straw!" It seemed like his rant wouldn't end. "Chad what are you talking about?" At this point Sam was so lost at what he was talking about.
"You guys finished the album without even asking me if I wanted to write anything! Oh so dumbass Chad can only drum! What if I wanted to write something huh?! God I expected this from you two but not you Sam. Don't ever call me.." And with that Chad had, apparently, officially quit Nirvana.
Ever was sort of left speechless (except for Krist who just said something along the lines of "Yeah fuck you man!" Or something). Sam just looked at Kurt who just had this unreadable expression on his face.
It had been about a month since Chad left the band. And it was true what he had said about not contacting him. He didn't pick up anyone's calls and Sam was pretty sure he even moved apartments. Ever since that day Sam felt this immense amount of guilt for what happened. She kept thinking maybe if she had talked to him more about the song writing? Maybe if she invited him over more to their sleepovers that accidentally turned into Kurt and her writing songs?
That same night that Chad had left the band Jeff visited her at her apartment. A nice surprise on his part had turned into a venting session. Chad and her had gotten pretty close during the first album so this made her fall into some bad habits for example irregular eating and sleeping habits which Jeff was quick to notice.
Through that time Jeff was supportive, tried to visit her as much as he could and called everyday but he was set to perform back in New York with his band so there was only so much he could do.
"Okay so we need a new drummer.." Kurt said, taking a seat next to Sam on the couch, holding a pb&j. "No shit sherlock.." Sam mumbles. "Since you have so much to say Sam any suggestions?" Krist sighed also taking a seat. Sam just blushed slightly in embarrassment but cleared her throat before talking to play it off.
"Actually—maybe..." Sam started before trailing off and getting up from her spot to go to Krists phone. Typing in a number and waiting a few seconds she heard someone on the other side pick up. "Hey hey it's Sunny!" A female voice boomed. "Hey Sunny, how are you?" She smiled into the phone. "I am fan-fuckin-tastic!! Do you need to talk to Rory?" Sunny asked. "Yes indeed I do—if you could be so kind as to put her on the phone?" Sam just waited as she heard Sunny's distant voice along with a few others until she heard the familiar voice of her friend on the other line.
"Sam?" Was all the other girl asked. "Yes.." Sam could feel the grumpiness from the phone which made her a bit nervous. "What do you want?" Rory sighed as Sam felt her smile grow back onto her face.
You see Rory Kinkco had been friends with not only Sam but the rest of the band for a while. They all met at a house party back in Aberdeen. At the party Rory was the bassist of an all girl band called 'cashmere preachers' (who later kicked her out) but Nirvana (or fecal matter) was also performing there. But unfortunately that was not the reason they really met. Some guy named Richie had been giving out acid and one thing led to another and Kurt, Sam, Krist and Rory were all sitting on the porch of the house high out of their minds.
"I know you and your new band were looking for drummers—do you know of any that you think are pretty good..?" Sam asked with a hopeful grin. With another sigh from Rory she gave out a small 'yeah one sec' before what Sam guessed to grab someone else that was near her. She couldn't hear they're conversation but what she could hear was something along the lines of
"Yo fred?"
"Yeah Ror?"
"You're from uh—Virginia right? Lots of wannabe bands there right?"
"Sure..?"
"Ya know any good drummers??"
"Umm maybe Dave or Alicia but she's more of a singer..I dunno probably Dave, he's the one who showed me how to play"
"Ok so Freddie talking about this guy who taught him how to play and hey man i’d say fred’s pretty good." Rory said matter of factly. "True that kid is pretty good uh do you think you could put us in contact with him?" After a second of silence of what Sam assumed was Rory asking Freddie for Dave's information and talking again. "Ok grab a paper."
As Sam finished what she was doing and held up a piece of paper. "Told you I could get someone" Kurt had an impressed look on his face and Krist was scrambling through his pockets for something until he took out ten bucks and handed it to Kurt.
"No fucking way you guys made a bet.." Which made the two boys laugh. "Well I'm gonna give this to John and you guys can uh—" before she could finish Krist jokingly sighed and put a hand on her shoulder. "You're right we should get food"
Kurt nodded along with Krist. Sam just scoffed. "Not what i was gonna say but yeah you two do that I'll be back" She said waving them off to go back to the phone to make this phone call to John. All she heard before picking up the phone to type in his number was Krist and Kurt talking and laughing.
—☆
a/n: hiii! I'm super excited about this book and I've already have it all planned out and I hope you guys know the other bands I'm gonna mention cuz it would be very awkward if you guys didn't but anyway hope you guys enjoyed :D
- love always, kat
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Ok so i just watched this youtube video from a big-ish channel that came up in my feed. Dude talks about food, and about history, both of which are interesting to me particularly the former. Link below for anyone interested.
So he's talking about the history of Fettucini Alfredo, and how it differs from what you'd fine in an italian restaurant (or sauce bottle) in the states. I wont go over the whole history, you should watch the video for that. But y'all. I'm fucking dying over this pasta. Fettucini Alfredo got the name from some famous Italian chef who was alive during Mussolini's facist regime. But the dish itself is so old that there wasnt even a written recipe for it.
So as one would expect, the dish's original name was not Fettucini Alfredo (it just occured to me that i might be spelling fettucini wrong but idc flame me if you want, it is thr 4th afterall) but rather, was called Fettucini al burro (fettucini with butter) or, pasta dei cornuti (cuckold's pasta). This dish is so easy to whip up that Maria the chad housewife could run around and get her raviolis par boiled with anyone she wanted all day, then run home and throw this together before her husband got home and it was so tasty, he'd be none the wiser. I long for a world where i can go fuck whoever i want only to come home 15 minutes before my partners do and craft them a simple and comforting meal so good they would be unable to question my doings for the day.
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#history#food#food history#pasta dei cornuti#fettucine alfredo#fuck i knew i spelled it wrong#its cool though cause we're polyamorous and both of my partners care about my happiness#instead i have to deal with old people#they are usually pleasant but with any demographic you get some nasty and/or bigoted people#what's more american than stealing another culture's culture and claiming it for our own?#Youtube
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FUCK HERE WE GO
The estate: People just roll in there dawg. The estate is like a black hole people of all different universes fall into. No, it doesn't matter what universe they come from, people just end up falling into it, and there happens to be a huge mansion with over like 500 floors, Bill Gates would pay to see it. The universe itself is called Acirial, but who calls it that? The estate is made out of demon and angel magic, belonging to Cinna and Orion
Cinna/Aibreanne/ Moira: An immortal, 8'1, demon goat god that has issues upon issues and should probably be in a mental hospital, but instead works at the estate and takes on the mom role for pretty much everyone there. She's also the definition of beautiful and charm for some reason. Did I mention that's she's a shape shifter? Someone come get this lady. There's a lot of other things about her though, I could go on for hours
The lady represents the Sin of Wrath, spooky
Appearance: Since I've actually drawn her and I'm fine with how she looks, here the lady is
Nash/ Xor'orek: An immortal, currently 10', demon/goat god that happens to be Satan's son. He has peak Chad energy without the racism or homophobia because that literally wouldn't make sense, and he has issues as well but who cares, he's extremely lazy and...he has a son?
This man represents the Sin of Pride, yuck
Appearance: Yellow-ish skin with idk what color hair cuz I'm lazy and green eyes. He typically wears an oversized varsity jacket, A black turtleneck shirt but like... sleeveless? And jeans with sneakers
Char/Charlotte: A 5'2 human that's from the same universe as Cinna (Nostea) that happens to be a ginger. That's gotta suck. She owns too many guns for her own good, and she acts like she has balls of steel. She can't cook to save her life, she's lazy, and would rather judge people than actually do anything with her life
Appearance: She usually wears a wife beater with a unbuttoned flannel shirt over it, which she has 12 guns hooked into, and denim shorts with white sneakers
Jason/Jace: A 6'4 human that happens to be Char's older brother, and happens to be my oldest character from Nostea (At 26 years old!) He's a nurse that deals with Char's shenanigans 24/7 even though he knows he can't do anything to change her. Despite him being half as chaotic as his younger sister, he tries to stay out of trouble
Appearance: He's a ginger with hair that doesn't go past his shoulders, with tattoos all over his arms, and he has one on his neck as well. What he wears always changes so he doesn't really have one type of outfit that he wears
Regina/??? (Real name unknown): A 5'5 human popstar from Nostea that happens to be friends with the rest of my Nosteaan characters. She's a real oddball right now, she's a lot like Char in personality but with a lot more honey and she actually gives a shit about her duties in life.
Appearance: She has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, and she typically wears a hoodie and baggy sweatpants when she's not performing
Atlas/Vretiel: The God of the Stars that was created from sand and his father's blood. And guess what? If Nash is the son of Satan, this dude is exactly the opposite. He has a really calm personality, though he tends to be quite forgetful sometimes. Oh, and he's a shape shifter, but he's currently 9'0
Appearance: Dark purple skin with white hair and purple eyes. He typically wears a dark brown button shirt with black dress pants and dress shoes
Orion/Onyx: If Tumblr makes me type this again, it's a hoe. He's a 12'0 demon/angel hybrid that runs on coffee and sarcasm. He has a ton of family issues (Because he's siblings with Nash and Atlas) and he's just over everything. He does tend to keep a lot of things to himself though
Appearance: Blueish-purplish skin with pink eyes and long white hair. What he wears isn't that extra, usually just a t-shirt and some jeans
Azrael/Azzy: A human/angel, 8'9 king that just likes to be a good person. There's no other way I can describe him, he's such a good person. If Prince Charming was the best person known to man, it would be him. Physically? He's blind as well
Appearance:
FOUND IT
Jay: A 6'1 demon that works under Nash and Cinna as a sniper. Poor dude just wants to do his job and stay out of trouble, there's no other way to say it. But no one that works with those two can manage to stay out of trouble, huh?
Appearance: He had short black hair and green eyes, and he typically wears a black hoodie, baggy black cargo pants, and sneakers
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i have been working in the grocery industry practically my entire life. for many companies, and in many many positions. i’ve seen hurricane panic buys, i have seen post hurricane apocalypses, i have closed stores, and i have opened stores. i have been to backroom recoveries, i have worked small stores and big stores. i have seen h1n1, and i have now seen covid19. and even tho this is something unprecedented, all together it’s really not. the difference here is that it’s been going on for three weeks now and there is no end in sight. the duration is what’s so new.
so i’ve started making notes every day after i got home. just the overall experience, but also customer comments and new things being implemented. it’s a fascination change, and i wanted to write it down to maybe sometime in the future come back to this time and remember anew.
i plan on keeping notes for the foreseeable future, to keep writing a diary of sorts, to see if this ever levels out or escalates even more, if things change drastically or not at all. and if the fucking toilet paper situation ever goes away.
things started to change the first week of march. it was super subtle, i didn’t even notice it at first. it was just a steady increase in business. a solid 20% ahead in sales all across the board. and even tho the virus was already in the news it didn’t cotton on right from the start. or it did, maybe, but i wasn’t expecting it to escalate to such heights.
tuesday, 03.10.2020 9am - 5pm
people are making their own hand sanitizer by mixing rubbing alcohol and aloe vera. we’re out of both. lady is asking me by the sun tan section about the state of deliveries of aloe vera gel. we get to talking. i admit that i don’t understand the people’s need for hand sanitizer since the cdc and every doctor ever recommends hand washing first and foremost. Susan comes out and says, ‘well the only thing that really can safe us from all this is...” and i retort with, “washing your hands, right?” but Susan claps back with, “the lord jesus christ.” and i had to excuse myself real quick and leave her ass on the aisle, because why are you fucking here then trying to potion together your own hand sanitizer, Severus, if all you need is god?
a grown woman that’s working at the register is. coughing. non. stop. co workers comment on it to each other and to me, and i wonder if anyone has taken her aside to explain the current state of world events to her, and maybe asking her to cover her damn mouth. we’re all gonna die.
thursday, 03.12.2020 2pm - 10pm 11pm
parking is an absolute nightmare. i’m 10 mins late cause i can’t find a spot. welcome to hell. i ask my boss what the sales were yesterday and she says we’re 40% ahead of the forecast. which is ridiculous. at this point it’s pretty much a blanket permission for over time. we do not have the capacity to continue to run at this pace. people get worn out, we’re bound to get sick, and the customers are fucking relentless. truck is big. Karen and her brother Chad look at the soap section and wanna know when we get more hand sanitizer in.
this lady is looking at things in the cold and flu section and we get to talking about shit and she mentions something she’s read on facebook and whoops my filter went poofgone and i tell her that i hope facebook dies along with all this corona virus flu and have a good evening.
at the end of my shift after we’ve finished stocking and cleaning up, i stay longer because there’s still a fuck ton of people in the store but we only have two registers open. i check people out until 11 and then peace out. one dude dropped $650 on groceries.
friday, 03.13.2020 11am - 7pm
“where is the hand sanitizer?” Karen asks. i refrain from shouting at her to get outta my face. the store is absolutely packed. lines of lengths i haven’t ever witnessed. lines and lines of people with full bascarts of stuff. the end is nigh and we are here with a front row view of it. we have a small parking lot, and i have no idea where these people’s cars are? i didnt know we could fit that many people in the store. whats the fire marshall’s max capacity guidelines? someone should review those. meanwhile i’m trying to navigate around everybody and put things on shelves that don’t last very long.
the grocery truck arrives around 3 ish and paper products get thrown out first. usually, when the truck arrives it stays locked until the night crew shows up. we’re set up to always have a trailer at the store, so when the guy shows up he unhitches his trailer, and hitches up under another trailer which was the previous day’s grocery truck, which got emptied off groceries when the night crew stocks, and then got filled with stacks of empty pallets, paper bales, and other reusable thinks like plastic trays the meat comes in, or the eggs come in, or produce plastic trays, things like that. so now that we’re in the apocalypse of paper products, the day crew gets those pallets out on the sales floor asap. at this point we have reduced the quantities of things you’re allowed to take to 3. 3 packs of toilet paper, 3 packs of paper towels... also 3 of lysol wipes and 3 of hand sanitizers even tho we dont have any, calm down, Karen. paper products are gone within an hour.
my company makes an absolute killing that day.
saturday, 03.14.2020 10ish to whenever.
my boss said she was coming in (on her off day) so i said yo, mind if i sleep in a bit? i was scheduled 7am and if i don’t have to i don’t want to. she said ok. i rock up at 10:08. things stop showing up on deliveries. the diaper area is sad looking. people have started to buy us out of baby wipes. there’s a problem coming at us in about 2 months. you cant flush baby wipes but since the toilet paper situation is what it is, people will wipe their butts with wet wipes. have fun with that, dallas county utility department (or whoever messes with the water wastes).
displays are dwindling. we are not getting product, so we are filling the shelves in the aisles with the stuff that’s on displays. it’s a bit wonky looking. there’s half an endcap with shampoo and then the rest of it is filled with hersheys. its upside down world. but we have to keep things full. with whatever. empty shelves are bad bad bad, but empty endcaps are a cardinal sin.
people waste so much food when they’re shopping. now that the shelves are getting and staying empty, people will just put things everywhere when they decide against buying the items. bags of chips, six packs of beer, gatorade whatever. that’s not really waste. but we also see bags of salad, frozen items, meats. we are currently not in the position to walk the store every half hour and collect these things. these things are all now wasted and will get thrown out. not the chips, i’m talking about the temp controlled things. being cold to the touch is not enough. shit aint safe.
monday, 03.16.2020 8am - 4 pm 6pm
truck is gigantic. never ever have i seen a truck that big. so everything that my boss was fantasizing about me doing gets thrown out the window when the truck hits the backdoor at 11 am. everybody who is scheduled for truck is given the option to come in early. and stay until it’s all stocked. or until you’re exhausted. i help with the pharmacy stuff because that’s the biggest part. i stay until 6pm. then i’m out.
people would like to know where the hand sanitizer is, well, sugar, so. do. i. it’s the one item that has been out since the end of february, and people are absolutely gob smacked when you tell them it’s currently unavailable. i try to appease them with some hand soap, but, stupidly, people dont want to hear that. i’m thinking to myself that in about a week soap will also be unavailable, but to each their own. customers believe that we, the workers, know the exact day and time when lysol wipes will be stocked. but when you tell them that soap is getting scarce they look at you like you’re speaking a different language.
company wide, we are not allowed to order anything right now. which is huge. how it usually works is: our system knows at all times how many items we have in the store, as per bar code, and knows how much will fit on the shelves, how much we’re selling every day/hour, and then there’s the forecasting factor. so the system will order stuff based on sold quantities, automatically. all the time. if we need extra stuff for sales and/or displays and whatnot, we order extra.
the computer system wouldnt know, for instance, that there was a tornado in oct that wiped out our electricity and that of most of our customers, so we changed orders to reflect that. no frozen things, lots more batteries, ice, coolers.
a lot of things ride on added orders, which are now out
from here on in, everything is up to the system, and to the powers that be. if there’s soap in the warehouse, we will get allocated with every store in the area so that everyone gets equal amounts or close to. hoarding is, apparently, frowned upon at this level too.
tuesday, 03.17.2020 2pm - 10pm
i have come to hate the soap aisle. used to always be my favorite. so long, soap aisle, we’ve had a good run. tonight i’m stocking the pharmacy area (cold and flu, pain meds, tummy stuff, those sort of things). truck is small. super small. i try helping customers as much as i can, but most of my end of the conversation is no, sorry, we dont have any. backstocks are dwindling. the backroom is emptying out. we rely on truck deliveries for things to do and products to be put out. “do you have any [insert product here] in the back?” is the most asked questions. “there’s nothing in the back.” is the most uttered sentence all day.
people obviously do to not get what social distance means. every aisle is packed with shoppers. i’m wasting a lot of time trying to stay out of people’s paths, but people lingeeeerrrrr what the fuck. the mayor of dallas shut everything down to flatten the curve yet here all these fuckers are doing their god damn grocery shopping like it’s 3 months ago. get in, get stuff, get out. i try conjuring up some gas to clear the aisle, but the farts won’t come
go home, people. i wish i could.
somehow our store has become the hub in our area. we get trucks in the afternoon with produce and meat, and people from other stores around us show up in trucks and suvs to transport product between stores. i’ve seen so many people that i hadn’t seen in years because they’re coming by getting shit in the afternoon.
we lost one of our baristas. she’s retired but works with us the maximal allotted hours per week the government allows you before they yank your money. she’s living in senior housing (cause its cheap) and they’ve completely locked down and she is unable to come to work. her boss funnels her groceries. and they face time a lot. she’s doing ok.
wednesday, 03.18.2020 10am - 6pm
parking lot semi full, too full for a wednesday. toilet paper situation is unchanged. but alas there’s no grocery truck scheduled tonight so this is not changing until tomorrow. i’m talking to three separate people desperate for some toilet roll (lol, i love how this pandemic makes me learn new terms, hi, united kingdom, i see you - toilet roll, i love it). anyways, i explain to all three the truck schedule and how to best strategize to get some butt wipes: truck is 6 days a week, wednesday being the no truck day. when the truck arrives, usually what happens is that the paper products get stocked immediately, to make room in the back room and to alleviate the situations. be in the store at around 3ish? 3:30ish, and hang out. i explain that i don’t want to encourage anybody to spend their afternoon in the store for obvi reasons, but when you gotta go you gotta go. alternately, hang out in your car, and when you see a truck pull behind the store around mid day, chances are in about 30 mins you shall have paper. people appreciate the info.
i’m in the candy aisle trying to stock a case of twizzlers. we’re using shopping carts to stock, it’s way more flexible than lugging around huge stocking carts, especially now with the store being so crowded. this dude rocks up and asks me if i’m panic hoarding with all those boxes in my cart. he looks at me with a straight face and thinks he’s making a point. meanwhile i’m in full uniform and people around are starting to roll their eyes. i drop the box of twizzlers into my cart (its super heavy and dude is creating a scene). my box cutter comes out and i make a show of clicking the blade out while explaining to douche canoodle that i’m working here, excuse me, and cut into the tape of the box. moron.
there’s a few people that i’ve seen every day this week. and they’re all advanced in their age. i get that the store is your second home cause you’re lonely, but right now is really not the time. go home.
the question i hate the most is: when are you gonna get more soap in. the honest answer? no fucking clue, Karen. if i could predict the future i wouldn’t be working here.
thursday, 03.19.2020 10am - 6pm
there was no grocery truck last night so shelves are still as empty as they were when i left last night. still, parking lot is semi full. we’ve seem to have gotten a decent produce truck, bananas everywhere. great. my boss’s plan for me is to: whatever truck is back there, and then easter. which means i walk the back room, collect anything and everything that belongs to our department, and get it on the shelves. there’s nothing back there except a chocolate delivery which arrived on the dairy truck. a huge amount, by normal standards. at least people are still enjoying some candy.
by 3pm it’s made the rounds that one of the guys for our dept isn’t coming in: allergies. okay then. truck is not too big, i help out with that until it’s time to hit the time clock.
times are tough, and i’m a good-natured person that can dish out jokes and emphasize with you and cumbaja we’re all in this together and all the other bullshit we’re telling ourselves to make us feel better. but when dudebro comes down the soap aisle and bemoans the state of the shelves (empty) and then goes into a rant about his two parents, immunocompromised, at home, out of soap, almost getting loud and making it seem like its my fault that we don’t have what you want, then no. i’m all out of fucks to give. meanwhile, people of the free world, have you forgotten that hand washing soap does not only come in little pump bottles that you can cutsify your sink with but also LOOK AT ALL THE BARSOAP, back in the days we used that to wash our hands. calm down and take some irish spring to your parents.
grocery truck arrives. big time. in the good ole days of yester year we would get one trailer daily, most of the time not even full. we’ve been ramping it up to 2 most of the last two weeks. (and by we i mean we as a society, buying everything on the shelves and not being satisfied and always wanting more). today it was three. one of which with nothing but water. the others with lots of toilet roll and paper towels. and the usual stuff of canned goods and the likes. nothing will last tho, nothing is forever.
we have this one guy who works here who has, i believe, severe arthritis and is hygiene wise very challenged. he isn’t very mobile and does super light duty but he’s worked here a long time. i haven’t seen him in a few days. i wonder if he is just off, or if he said fuck it and stayed home.
the grown ass woman at the register is still coughing. and not covering her mouth. asswipe.
saturday 03.21.2020 7am - 3pm 6pm
“when do you expect more hand sanitizer in?”
i have no idea what you’re talking about, hand sanitizer was never a thing. lemme ask you this: is it berenstein bears where you come from?
people still want to shop brand loyal. i die inside a little bit every time someone turns their nose up at an alternative to their regular, “oh but we don’t use that brand.” dude didn’t you just say you needed vitamin c? was that a lie? here’s the damn vitamin c. it’s vitamin c, not, i don’t know, fucking coca cola. go home.
corporate finally came down and said we’re allowed to wear ppe now. like some of us haven’t since three weeks ago. i finally turned and went all ‘two by two hands of blue’ as well, and it’s really not as bothersome as i thought it would be.
weekends are now slower than weekdays. i have no idea why that is. and i’m not really sure if these past weekends have been slow, or just normal, and the weekdays are just crazy. i have lost all points of reference. it’s still busy. but is it the same busy it’s always been on a saturday and now we just have more checkers?
the company is desperately trying to hire more people. i don’t know if the new vigorous ad campaign is working yet? it’s a job, sure, especially in these times, but the starting pay is still barely above minimum wage so in any case people will collect unemployment which could still be more than they’d make working here i’m just saying.
the only real perk right now is that whoever works for a grocery store has first dibs on stuff. and if you believe we don’t have a “family and friends stash” in the back of all the items that are scarce then you don’t know how the world works. a friend of mine with health problems came to shop at our store today because we do have more stuff than what i’ve been hearing is going on in surrounding areas. and i was able to give her two cans of disinfectant wipes. another friend asked me if we had any loo roll, and they just came by my place to pick it up, cash on arrival.
we also extend (or well, i do extend) the stash to customers who always have been courteous. and believe me, after working in one location for a few years you know exactly who’s an asshole and who isn’t. we are essential, we are important, and we’ve been known that forever. we just never got treated like that. people are thankful that we’re working, that we’re doing our best (like if we could afford to just take two weeks off to self isolate, yeah right), and it’s good to finally walk the store with your head held high, to finally feel the appreciation. we are the kings of the toilet paper and it’s fucking fantastic.
the store manager (or the company, i’m not sure) bought lunch today for everybody. and there might be a texas rule of no gatherings of more than 10 people, but y’all should’ve seen the break room today at noon. we they feasted (i took two slices and went out back to enjoy) thanks for lunch, boss.
we still haven’t implemented “senior hours,” and i hate that.
hygiene challenged dude is back at work. so he just had his two days off.
monday 03.23.2020 12pm - 9pm
people keep insisting on shopping “normally” and it’s mind boggling. if you go to the store for 5 things or 50 things, it’s fine either way. but please make a list at home and roll with it. do not linger in aisles, do not pick up 3 different items and stand there to study the, i don’t know what the fuck, ingredients? country of origin? manufacturer? i have no earthly idea why you gotta look at a bottle of suave shampoo so intently and just. stay. there. reading it like its a new product on the market. go home.
people just waste so much freakin time in the store. they run into acquaintances and have to have a conversation right there when other customers have to walk around you. please stop, please please stop that. please. get in, get your stuff, and get out. if we dont have your fave available right now come back next week, it’s bound to be back unless it’s something like hand sanitizer or over the counter meds. please. go home.
the shopping pattern has changed. there’s all the action in the mornings now. tons of people, full parking lots, all in the morning. i understand it’s because people are under the impression everything gets restocked over night. which is half true. but whatever. i mean people shop all throughout the day and it’s still busy but the bulk is in the morning.
speaking of: senior hours finally!!! i’m stoked.
i feel like i’m getting fed up with customer questions so it’s usually short retorts and no eyes contact. one guy asked me where the aloe vera is and he asked very friendly and from a few feet away and i was sort of a dick to him. i felt bad immediately and rephrased my answer. yikes.
on the upside also, my work buddy was throwing water all day long. poor guy. he said something like 9 pallets of 24 packs. at one point they were replenishing a display and people grabbed water from the display instead of the pallet, and he was like, “you guys are killing me, man, please take it from the pallet and not the display. every pack you take from the pallet is a pack less i have to move.” a couple of dudes then took over stocking duty from him and threw the rest of the pallet to fill the display. how fucking nice. good eggs all around.
backroom looks like we got a crap ton of paper products. a crap ton. something like, i’m estimating, 12 pallets. so they’ve been staggering it throughout the afternoon but also kept lots in the back for senior hours tomorrow morning. it really looks like that part is getting almost back to normal. lmao fingers crossed.
no eggs tho, today. all gone.
hot shot trucks still show up in the afternoon with produce and meat. and other stores still come by to transfer stuff to their location.
company lunch today was from torchy’s taco. i abstained cause i had just eaten at home. but gatherings of 10 or more people had been had in the break room again. no idea if it was paid for by our company or if torchy’s was just getting rid of a bulk of their perishables.
some dude threw a fit about the limits on certain items. i think his beef was with water and how he’s seen someone take more than three. calm down, asshole.
tuesday 03.24.2020 10am - 5pm
it’s slow in the store. dallas county has a shelter in place ordinance right now and it’s just a slow and steady trickle of customers. the weather also has turned from grey and misty, to sunshine and 80ies. i hate it. i want my grey and misty back. and because it’s nice outside there’s a lot of people on walks and bike rides. there’s a trail behind the store and when i step out back i see people all the times. still keeping their social distance but people non the less.
we’ve finally got our hands on one of the people from the agency that has provided us with help. our girl is super nice and friendly and she works hard. i hope we’ll get to keep her in our department for however long theyre working with us. altogether there’s about 15-20 people in the store from the agency. they’re tasked with sacking groceries, cleaning shopping carts, cleaning shelves and helping to stock. it’s wonderful. they get paid $13, which is more than what you make starting out in the store.
it almost felt like it wasn’t a covid day. after what the covidiot in the wh said on monday, i was a bit unsure if non essentials would reopen (especially since the mayor just shut dallas down). it was weird. it seemed like customers stayed away because a) they went back to work or b) it’s too nice to grocery shop. but that’s prob only my stupid brain making things up.
there were two incidents, both of which weren’t covid related but needed security: a dude tried to walk out with two cases of beer (theft is a thing that happens in our store a lot) but somehow he had half the store chasing after him. i was outside taking my break when all the sudden this guy comes towards me with beer in each hand. where i was, there was no exit away from the store unless you wanted to jump the fence. and he sure did. launched himself and the beer over it. they chased him off (no one touched him, i wanna add, and no one would touch him too, even if we weren’t in the current time), but got their beer back. that was an adrenaline shock i didn’t need. the second one was a lady at the pharmacy not happy with the speed of the pharmacist and she got upset that her meds weren’t ready to be picked up. she made quite a scene with cursings and such so security was called. they are doing their best at the pharmacy but just like every other department they are swamped with prescriptions.
it was super slow and i left an hour early. went home and ate and passed out for 12 hours.
wednesday 03.25.2020 7am - 3pm
it’s probs the first time i’m on the road this early on a weekday during the self isolation period. it’s quite busy on the highway. but still no real traffic.
store is still slow but steady. i see a few customers with big bascarts and shopping lists going about their business urgent like. on the inside i was applauding their readiness and their commitment for getting it done. thank you dear customers. buy a whole cart and get the heck outta dodge. *chefs kiss*
help girl from the agency is with me today. i like her more and more. she gets it all done. baby wipes are still off and on, some days we have them, sometimes we’re out. we found 3 small cases of hand soap in the back (6 bottles each) and they are gone quickly. i’m working through shippers/displays (we’ve finally got a smattering in) but most of it goes straight to the shelves. i’m able to make some sense to one of the half shampoo/half hersheys end caps, and my eye finally stops twitching from the weirdness.
grocery truck schedule has changed and now we’re getting them also on wednesdays (for the time being). one trailer of toilet roll and paper towels, and one of canned goods and boxes and pantry stuffs. and maybe some lysol but who knows.
it’s still sunny and 80ies out, so more runners and bikers on the trail behind the store. still social distancing tho.
the news said someone from a grocery store of another chain was diagnosed. and then through the grapevine i heard that someone from our chain (not our store) also got diagnosed and is in the hospital. wash your hands. get in, get your stuff, and get out. stay safe out there.
friday 03.27.2020 9am - 5pm
there’s this lady in the store, little old lady, just wandering and shopping and whatnot for, i kid you not, 2 hours. what in the world? she’s wearing a mask, kinda like a “let me put this mask on cause i’m sanding something in the garage” you know that kind of mask. but it’s only covering her mouth? what is she doing. where is your family? do they know where you are and what you’re up to. seriously someone come get their auntie.
there’s stickers all over the floor by the registers “PLEASE WAIT HERE” reminding people to stay the heck away from each other. it’s working sometimes. people are patient.
this one lady asks me if we have this, and shows me her phone with a pic of the item like she is seriously standing 6 feet away stretching her arm as far as it’ll go. i appreciate it. she insists that the app tells her it’s in stock here. i ran out of ways to explain that the app doesnt keep up with inventory, only states that we carry it, not whether we actually have it in stock. it’s a surface disinfectant. we dont have it in stock.
rando people say their thanks that we’re working, that they appreciate it, thank you thank you. i have yet to learn how to respond to that. “youre welcome?” “oh sure!” “no problem” nothing feels right. me and my co workers all wish we could work from home, or take a few weeks off, without losing our jobs and benefits. it’s weird. how do you respond to that?
we’ve managed to stay in stock on toilet tissue all day long. one brand, one size, mind you. but! all day long! yes, toilet paper, on aisle 18!!!!
sales have leveled. business is returning to normal.
saturday 03.28.2020 7am - 3 pm
some lady lost her cool today and in her frustration she dead ass kicked over a display of gum. lmao, yikes.
every morning we have a little meeting in the store for all the department heads, or if they’re off, for whoever plays department head for that day. on saturdays that’s me. we call them huddles, although now we can’t call them that anymore because huddle doesn’t really scream social distancing. so now they’ll call it morning communication.
while walking the store today i found, get this, a bottle of purell. it was hidden behind other product. i immediately checked my surroundings (no one there) and then went and hid it in the back room. my immuno challenged friend had asked me for some for a while.
really nothing else going on. it was quiet in the morning and then a storm blew through, and then it was just gorgeous out. so the store got busier and busier. our truck was scheduled to be quite big, but it was late and i wasn’t gonna just hang around until who knows when.
monday 03.30.2020 2pm - 10pm
the break room is completely empty of chairs and tables. that’s new. just last week everyone crowded in, employees and management alike, whenever there was free lunch. and even tho one tells them, or points out that, hey, this is a bit more than technically should be in a closed space like this? all one gets back is, oh hahaha, yeah you’re probably right, but nothing changed. so now the break room is empty. only, i dont know, everyone here works on their feet, either standing (poor checkers) or standing and walking. for up to eight hours. there’s gonna be some people who will just have to sit down for 30 mins during their breaks. this was a company wide, or district wide decision, this wasn’t something our management came up with. and here’s the thing. admittedly, some higher ups in our company are seriously not the sharpest tacks in the box. and i’m not saying that you have to have a degree to make certain decisions, but it helps if you have some sort of, i don’t know, compassion, deductive reasoning, two brain cells to rub together. i, personally, will hardly be found in the break room, i don’t use it. but it’s absolutely clear to me that taking away the opportunity to let people rest is a recipe for disaster.
tuesday, 03.31.2020 2pm - 10pm
so, the owner of the dallas mavericks (basket ball) donated hand sanitizers to our company, for use of company employees. which, thanks, Mark, that was super sweet of you. no really. IF I SEE ONE CO WORKER USE THIS INSTEAD OF WASHING THEIR HANDS I WILL NOT BE MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. wash your god damned hands people. hand sanitizer will never be able to do what soap and water can do. why is that such a big problem to understand.
the break room has a couple of chairs and tables in it now, and a sign on the door that reads “6 people limit, 6 feet apart.” yikes.
its the end of the month and people got paid so the store is getting busier. tomorrow is the first and i’m sure we’ll be packed. please take the following to heart: SHOP ALONE. don’t bring your wifey or hubby or roommate or kids. ok bring your kids if you have no one to watch them. do not use the grocery store as your family outing cause its the only spot you think youre allowed to go. it’s not. youre allowed to go for walks, in front of your house, in your neighborhood, heck, walk a circle around the store if you want, but don’t bring everybody into the store. social distancing is easier achieved if there’s less people to stay away from. be smart, think ahead. and if you think that shopping with two people makes it go faster? it’s not. cause you’re gonna argue over the choices made, you’re gonna veto your shopping buddies choice of beans and your gonna walk every aisle twice instead of once. and there will be more people touching more things and i could really do with less of that.
wednesday 04.01.2020 11am - 7pm
there’s a distillery in kansas who has converted their production to make hand sanitizer (or sanitizer in general) and we have received a shipment of, i think, two pallets. the fun part? they are the size and shape of vodka bottles.
they’re selling for $8 and we put a limit of 1 per family. they look super neat. it’s a plastic bottle, too. i don’t use hand sanitizer and i dont need it and there are people who need these i guess but i want one so badly. just as a, you know, reminder, a token, of these crazy times. i’m not gonna get one (but i kinda want one).
they have finally installed screens at the registers. and new rules came down from corporate: social distancing is the highest priority, hygiene is the highest priority. we are only going to operate 3 (out of 6) registers so that we can ensure that there’s enough space for everyone to feel safe. i have also spent 2 hours today thinning out displays that are cluttering up the sales floor so that we can encourage everyone to keep apart.
starting tomorrow, every employee will get their temp taken when they arrive to work. if the temp is too high you will be sent home (but paid for that day) and only be let back in to work if your temp stays normal for 72 hours without the help of meds.
pay has been increased by $2/h.
friday 04.03.2020 9am - 5pm
face masks everywhere.
like 80% of everybody started donning masks, scarves and homemade things to cover their lower face. face masks are a stark reminder that everyone should keep apart. it’s like an extra “hey, remember how we’re all potentially sick with something deadly? stay away.” i appreciate the effect it has.
there are about 5 different announcements over the PA, one about washing your hands and sneezing/coughing into your elbows, one about senior hours (which have changed now to tue, thu and sat morning), one about social distancing (about the length of two shopping carts!), one about “we’re all in this together” and one about us employees and how we’re doing so much more than our job right now.
ive stopped greeting customers. i smile maybe, since it’s something so ingrained into our brain, but i won’t speak unnecessarily.
the store is absolutely packed. the suggestion of staying away until the 3rd or the 4th that ive seen all over the internets seems to have cottoned on and now we’re slammed. with only 3 registers open now (to keep room between registers) the lines are down the aisles. one of the guys on the registers told me he loved it. it’s waaay less crowding around the registers, safer for the workers).
we have two entrances (the main one and a smaller one) and they closed the smaller one because it’s very tight there and doesn’t really work with trying to stay away from each other. it’s not locked, it’s just closed. no idea about the fire marshall code, but i have worked in bigger stores with only one main entrance so maybe it’s not part of any code.
i saw a woman with a vegas golden knights shirt and i miss hockey.
saturday 04.04.2020 7am - 5:30pm
my first day during senior hours, and admittedly we’ve only recently changed that but there are tons of people in the store and not a lot of seniors. but what do i know they all could be immunocompromised.
in our morning huddle communications meeting the store manager is spitting out a lot of numbers and percentiles and such, basically sales are still through the roof, even with the slower week we’ve had. it’s funny how there’s really no reference point anymore. forecasts and budgets have all been altered due to the situation but even those are still behind. the agency people aren’t with us anymore (since sunday) and i can see maybe 2 new people - but i’m not a reliable source for that because i don’t inter-mingle with other departments that much so i dont even know the regulars so i have no clue who is new. but we’re still running on basically the same people we’ve always had with this increased business.
aceotone is the new toilet paper. cant find it on the shelves, the warehouse is out and people are constantly asking for it. this one guy had me in stitches. he was shopping for the fam and had a list from his wife and you know, acetone, cuticle cream all the stuff you need to take care of your nails after you rip off the fake ones. i used to get my nails done so i gave him advice as best i could and pointed to some products, but no acetone. about five minutes later she finds me on the same aisle again and shows me a can of paint stripper with the word acetone in huge letters on it. i died. i told him that if his wife used that they are about to have a whole other set of problems. we both laughed. he had a great sense of humor. now go home, dude.
the side door that was closed on friday is open again. not surprised.
we are getting absolutely slammed with business. it’s a mad house. you can always tell when people start to park their cars on the fire lanes around the store. there’s just no more parking.
i do see a lot of single shoppers tho, which is so great. and then you got the families just sticking out like sore thumbs. and young college kids usually shop in threes or fours. but everybody is still taking way too much time. there was an article i read on local grocers and how some already reduced the people inside the stores and how every business is going to follow suit so we will see.
we ran out of eggs. and biscuits. and no significant numbers of paper products all week.
monday 04.06.2020 2pm - 10pm
fuck these customers, man
wednesday 04.08.2020 7am - 3pm
my company will not limit the customer count in the store. at least not in this state. when the whole thing started there was an email about store hours and they listed basically every division of our company and their changed hours - except, you guessed it, ours. i have a feeling they are going off of what other companies are doing around here, so unless theyre limiting people, we won’t. that’s my opinion. after work i realized i forgot butter and swung by a store (from a different company) close to home and they havent limited entrance either. they did have markings on the floor to encourage one way traffic down aisles, and i guess we’re gonna do that too. but nothing else. i did see smaller chains have started to limit people but not companies we’re competing with. so much for that. i guess first we need to have a few positive cases in order for them to change anything. the dollar speaks volumes, eh?
i saw this article a few days ago and i keep thinking about it. it basically sums up everything that’s going through all our minds every day. (i have no idea who this website is, i saw it and i read it and it spoke to me so dont come at me if it’s something weird - i just wanted to provide a source)
I manage a grocery store.
Here’s some things everyone should know
1. I don’t have toilet paper
2. I don’t have sanitizer
3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily
4. I promise if it’s out on the shelf … it’s not in a hidden corner of our backroom.
Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff
5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product.
6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product/
7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many workers working TONS of overtime to help YOU.
8. I am sorry there are lines at the check out lanes.
Now for the really important stuff:
9. My team puts themselves in harm’s way every day so you can buy groceries.
10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy.
11. My team is exhausted.
12. My team is scared of getting sick.
13. My team is human and does not possess an antivirus… they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) but they show up to work every day just so you can buy groceries
14. My team is tired.
15. My team is very under-appreciated.
16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!).
17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are.
18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there… so my team can throw it in the trash for you later.
19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do.
20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry.
The last thing I will say is this:
The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter. They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs, and meat.
If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year … there are hundreds of them… and ask them to spare 1 or 2. They caused the problem to begin with…
And lastly, please THANK the people who helped you. They don’t have to come to work!
#i dont know how to tag it i hate to tag it covid#i think it's gonna be#life in these pandemic times#thanks stumblingoverchaos
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On threesomes, tacos and The Office
Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? (-me, every single goddamn blog I write) I’m not going to wax poetic on my lack of motivation because, well, I do that every single post and also every single day in the prison of my own mind BUT! Here I am. Let’s just get on with it.
As most of you know, I am single. [thunderous applause from the crowd] please… please, thank you so much, please let me finish. After a solid consecutive five-ish years spent in back-to-back relationships, before which I’d been a crippingly insecure college student content to desperately make out with whatever pasty and emotionally stunted upperclassman would squeeze my boob, I’d never really dipped my toes into the dating app world until the last seven months or so. And I have to say: I am… well? I’m disgusted. It’s no secret that women on the apps match with exponentially more men than the other way around, and given what I’ve seen of men’s profiles, it’s not hard to see why. Men are out here in the virtual streets acting like goddamn buffoons and still expecting sex to be bestowed upon them. It’s a travesty, and nevertheless, it persists. It’s often said you need to be the change you wish to see in the world. So I’ve decided to take matter into my own hands. I present to you: my definitive list of dating app pet peeves.
- The Office quotes. I have to get it out of the way first, or it’ll gnaw at my soul. We all love The Office. It’s one of the greatest comedies of all time. So great that every fucking idiot this side of the Mississippi lists it as one of their top three TV shows. Cut it the fuck out. No mention of it! No “assistant to the regional manager”, no “looking for the Pam to my Jim”, no “Employed at: Dunder Mifflin”, please, for the love of God, shut the fuck up. At this point I’d honestly rather see a blurry, unhygienic and unsolicited dick pic than read “Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica” in some mediocre looking Brayden’s profile. Oh, and if you think you’re off the hook because you quoted Parks and Rec instead? You’re fucking not, Tanner. Watch another show.
- “Kid not mine!!!!!!” Yes, my instinct was that a 24-year-old named Brett on a dating app created for the primary purpose of fucking strangers was going to upload a picture of his infant child as his main photo for which to attract female mates. I’m glad you clarified
- Grown, of age, adult, matured, human men using Snapchat filters and/or boomerangs. This might be the biggest one of all, and that’s saying something. A photo of a man with an artificially round cherub face and giant virtual sparkly anime eyes or, even worse, a squinty boomerang trying desperately to accentuate his weak jawline… sends a chill down the spine. I hate to perpetuate gender roles, but I feel I’m justified in saying straight men aren’t allowed to use Snapchat filters. And boomerangs are only for hot girls making kissy faces and clinking their drinks together - at this point, it’s basically cultural appropriation to use them if you don’t fit that profile. Please, I beg of you, summon a shred of goddamn dignity from the depths of your broken soul and delete the boomerang.
- Jumping off of that last one: emoji use. Again, I mean, I hate to impose the confines of traditional masculinity on anyone, but the monkey-covering-his-eyes emoji has never helped anyone seal the deal. I mean that.
- “Not looking for anything serious” Chad, you have the Macklemore haircut and are wearing American flag swim trunks. I promise you, no one assumed you were looking for something serious
- Mentioning tacos/pizza/[insert delicious and popular food item here]. Look, I am a feminist, and in the spirit of equality I must point out that women pioneered this trend and still perpetuate it heavily - a pattern sociologists have termed the “touch my butt and feed me tacos phenomenon”. However, men have latched onto it in what I can only assume is an eleventh-hour attempt to draw in this demo. Please cease and desist. Everyone likes tacos, Caleb
- The other day I saw a guy on Hinge say his ideal dinner guest was Peter Kavinsky and I’ve never seen anyone else say that but honestly fuck you dude. Fuck you
- When guys are trying to stay anonymous and post a low-quality shirtless torso pic without showing their face…? Has anyone ever actually swiped right on that? I kind of respect the blind confidence, but still.
- ”[insert height here]… because I’ve been told it matters” stop with the qualifier, just tell us how tall you are and go, you coward. Honestly, I think the ideal male dating app profile for me is just 3 grainy vaguely attractive pictures and “6’3” as a bio.
- “In town for the weekend… show me around?” Firstly, that sounds absolutely harrowing. Secondly, I’d respect you more if you just said “in NYC for 24 hours and trying to get it in” than pretend like you’re searching for Sacajawea to show you the new world. It’s NYC. Google it
- Any of the following descriptors: easygoing, laid-back, outgoing, “loves travel/fine dining/yoga/hiking/Netflix/some other generic hobby white people like to talk about”, intelligent, chill, fun, low-key, “up for whatever”, hard-working, humble, etc. These are not bad qualities per se, but anyone who describes themselves as such is 110% guaranteed to be deeply boring.
- I was just swiping to find some more overused descriptive phrases and someone’s bio was “the Earth is cylindrical”… you have my attention, sir
- Guys with accents specifying in their profile that they have an accent. I cannot tell you what an enormous boner killer this is. Do you know what’s a huge turn ON? Being into a guy and then meeting him for the first time and realizing he has a sexy ass accent. You know what’s not a huge turn on? A random English dude you didn’t match with leaving you a 45-second Instagram voice DM (this is a thing somehow) in which he hits on you and then goes “oh… and yeah… I have an accent. Crazy, isn’t it?” Yes, this really happened. Still accepting thoughts and prayers.
- Couples looking for threesomes. This is a delicate process and making a joint profile with “she’s bicurious. He’s straight. We both like kissing girls. Looking for someone to explore with :)” is not only cringeworthy as all motherfuck, but completely ineffective. Listen, I get it. I get that after four years, Tommy and Kayleigh are trying to spice things up. Order a pair of fuzzy handcuffs on Amazon and leave me the hell out of it. Also - every single one of these couples has a very… wide male/female attractiveness margin. Kayleigh can hit me up on her own.
I’m going to stop here because I’m just making myself depressed at this point. It’s really a jungle out there. The truth of it is we’re all braver than the goddamn troops every time we swipe, and I salute each of you out there in the trenches with me. May your monkey emojis be infrequent and your threesome requests be infrequent-er! If worse comes to worse, there’s always arranged marriage.
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the start of an adventure (poly-ish)
Request: the reader works as a pizza delivery driver and ends up delivering to the cancer crew during the Deadly Twister Waldo Edition video. And you end up drinking with them -- and probably more. Also, I think this will have a follow-up with you becoming their uh...slave. So...expect that soon, I guess?
Oh, and uh, Merry Christmas and happy holidays for you all <3 It’s a Christmas miracle.
***
Your finger froze on the ringer as you heard screams coming from inside the house. “The fuck?” you exclaimed to no one in particular, furrowing your brows. OK, that…that was weird. Maybe it was just your imagination.
You sighed – this was your last delivery for the night and you just wanted to get it over with and go home to relax. And you didn’t really want to meet with some weirdos that only meant trouble…
You hear a scream again, but you completely ignore it (if the owner is a hard sex enthusiast, then so be it) and push the button. It rings – the screams seem to stop. Good, at least you don’t have to hear them out loud. But you were starting to sweat; what if the person would come straight up naked? Or in some weird gimp suit, with someone tied with a collar behind him...
Wait, ok, that wouldn’t be so bad. That would be an interesting experience. But whatever – this was your job. You’ve seen weirder stuff, to be honest. All kinds of people. So…
This would mean nothing to you.
What else was new under the sun?
“Shut up, you cunts, the pizza is here!” you hear a not-so-muffled shush and someone fumbling with the lock of the door. You brace yourself –
--but you’re not ready to see a dude dressed up as Waldo, his face caked with whipped cream. He was swaying from side to side, his eyes glazed over with alcohol. Ok, just what the hell was going on in this house?
“H-Hello,” you curse yourself for losing composure. Not very professional. You shifted the many boxes in your arms and resume. “Umm, are you –“
“Cum inside, I dunno where my money at…” the long haired boy mutters and turns his back on you. Did you hear that right...?SERIOUSLY? You got to do this by yourself? With no help from this handsome and strong-looking man? Well, whatever – you can’t please everyone and it’s your duty to deliver them. You met with assholes like him before. You’re just gonna do whatever he wants as quickly as possible and go home. And you won’t ask ANY questions about his current outfit and endeavor.
You follow Waldo dude inside and try to close the door behind you. When you manage to do that, you’re aware that there were a lot of male voices coming from inside. Yelling, joking and laughing. Ok, you were in a weird place, weren’t you? You try to ignore it and move on, until you arrive in the living room.
You gasped: what a sight! It was a mess, a twister board laid out on the floor, filthy with spaghetti sauce, mouse traps and...
Oh no, were those candles...?
Two other guys were dressed as the first one, one tall and lanky while the other was shorter and had a nice ass. A fat guy had stripes painted over his body, holding a pan in his hand, for some reason. There was another dude that was behind a camera, but he shied away as soon as your eyes landed on him. You shrugged -- whatever. You put the pizza boxes on the counter, pushing some empty beer bottles out of the way. You didn’t care if they fell on the floor; everything was already messy enough. Besides, your arms were tired.
“Wait a second, I’ll go get my money...” the first Waldo drifts off and disappears somewhere down the corridor. You sigh and stare at the other two Waldos: the shorter one was eyeing you, coated in spaghetti sauce: charming. The tall one was busy texting someone, clearly not interested in you.
Ok...Might as well strike a conversation while you’re waiting for the money. Hopefully it’ll come soon. The guy didn’t seem very capable of holding himself together.
“So, uhh...watch’a guys doin’ here? Sum kind of strange porno?”
The shorter one snorted while you managed to earn a small smirk from the tall one. “You might say so,” he says, pushing his glasses up his nose. He seemed the most sober one around here. The fat guy didn’t even bother to look at you, busy complaining under his breath about the paint on his body. Whatever.
“But it’s a lot painful,” the other added, stepping closer to you as you crossed your arms over your chest.
“And are y’all gay?”
“He is,” shortie laughs and points at the taller one.
Tall guy rolls his eyes “Yeah, I’m a living meme.”
“Pfft,” you smile. “And you’re playin’ twister?”
“Twister with a twist!” shortie winks as he suddenly extends his hand towards you. “I’m Joji, by the way.”
“Liar! You’re Filthy Frank.” Tall guy interjects, coming towards you with a huge grin. You’ve got them all hooked up, line and sinker.
“Filthy Frank?” you raise an eyebrow as you shake his rather soft hand. Cute. “Is that your stage name?”
Joji wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, his voice suddenly changing into a rougher tone “Might be, honey.”
“Riiiight...” you chuckled slightly. “No, seriously, what are you doing here?”
“We’re YouTubers,” the tall one you still didn’t know the name of bragged.
“Ok, this still doesn’t explain the candles--”
“It’s called the Deadly Twister Challenge,” Joji explained quickly.
“What?!” the tall dude interjects, appalled. “Who came up with this stupid name? I thought we’ve agreed on Twister or Die.” Why did he look so genuinely upset when he said that?
Joji shrugged “It was Max’s idea, Ian.” So now you knew both the guys’ names. “He’s the one posting it.”
“I see you guys’ve been drinking a lot,” you casually remark. Suddenly, the pizza smelled damn good. And you were hungry.
“Interested?” Joji wiggles his eyebrow, shoving his can bottle of beer in front of your face.
“I might be. It’s hard to delivery pizza. The people you stumble upon...” you shake your head, grabbing the bottle and taking a long deep sip. Ahhh, it felt so good. Better than the ice-cream waiting for you at home.
“Why don’t you help us, then?” Ian intervenes. “We’ve got plenty more to drink.”
“Besides,” Joji adds, “you can relax with us. We promise we’re fun.”
You shrug “I won’t say ‘no’ to free booze.” Better than spend your time alone and sad on a couch. Meeting weird Waldo dudes? It could prove to be an interesting night. Get wasted? Fuck yea. You’re free tomorrow. Might as well make the most of it.
“Great, make yourself comforta--”
“Oy, do you guys have some money for the darn pizza?” Max, you presumed, came from wherever room he went and shouted very loudly, scaring the crap out of you. “I can’t find it!”
You turn to face his cute frustrated expression and smile gently “Hey, don’t worry, it’s on me.”
Max is just genuinely confused “Wait, what? Do you guys know each other or something?”
“Nah,” you finish Joji’s beer in one gulp. “If you offer me alcohol, you get the pizza for free.”
He ponders it for a few seconds before his mouth curled into a huge grin and he waddles towards you, arms open. “Woah, what?!” you get to say before you’re enveloped in his sweaty self, caking you with the whipped cream he had on him. You pat him awkwardly on the back, not used to affection from strangers -- but a part of you thought that they weren’t as strange as you initially thought. They looked friendly and open: it was worth trying to get to know them. If it will end up with you dead in a ditch...
Well, it was worth the alcohol.
“Kay there, buddy, you can let me go now,” you laughed, but the boy -- Max -- wouldn’t budge. Ian the tall dude sighed and pried his friend away easily, despite being a skinny beanpole.
“C’mon, Max, or else they won’t give us free pizza anymore.”
Max made a face -- was he drunk out his mind? Probably. He looked pretty fucked. But that was great, it was a big mood.
“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on ditchin’ you guys. So, where’s the beer?”
The room was spinning -- no, that was the ceiling. Turning round and round and never stopping. You tried to move: an arm was holding you back in place. Where were you? Damn, you can’t remember anything.
Wait, you do.
You started drinking, joined by the three boys and their friends behind the camera. You ate all the pizza in seconds; you didn’t realize you were famished. You drank some more. The world began to blacken and you started to slur as you laughed at the fucked up shenanigans the boy were getting themselves into. Even John Cena appeared at some point, shoving pancakes into Ian’s dirty mouth. You had no idea the guys were such VIPs. Things spun out of control soon enough as you started interrupting them with your loud laughter, causing them to laugh and roll onto the floor. They asked you to join them as a special guest, in your silly pizza uniform, yelling that this isn’t paid advertising. You joined the fun, having your fingers hit by the mouse traps (luckily, the candles all died down), got dirty on spaghetti sauce and ended up belted more times than ever in your life. Somehow, you were trapped in between the boys, sandwiched between their hot and messy bodies, all breathing down on you. You had no idea who started it first, when the video all ended with Ian rolling onto the floor in pain from the shock collar. You remember Joji pulling you closer to his chest, gazing huskily into your eyes and whispering how much he wanted to kiss the ketchup of your lips. You leaned in, more confused than anything, but immediately got distracted by Ian yelling. You rushed to help him and he simply took the chance to grab your head and pull you down with him. You kissed -- the others got jealous. Chad and the rest ran before things got a little bit too hectic for them. Max pulled you off of Ian, and started to act all possessive, yelling, snarling. You had no idea what was going on -- you felt sick all of a sudden from the commotion.
The last thing you remember is yelling that you’ve found Waldo and then your whole world collapsed.
Just like you probably did since the back of your head hurt. You groan, trying to move again, but the same arm pulled you back to a sturdy chest. Birds were singing outside and you were sporting the biggest hangover you’ve ever had in your entire life. Great -- at least you weren’t feeling sick. Just your head was heavy.
“Mmm...” you hear someone moaning in your ear and try to slowly turn your head to see who was doing that. You could only spot a shock of black hair: was it Joji? That was the only explanation. “Dammit...” you could at least try to move your legs -- but they were held down by... “Oh..” It was Max, sleeping on them and hugging them tight. When you tried to kick him off, he growled and did not let you. You sighed: where was Ian?
“You’re awake,” you suddenly hear a voice to your side, and you turn your head to see Ian’s hazel eyes staring groggily into yours. He grinned largely -- now you spotted a few hickeys on his neck.
What.
“What happened?” you asked.
“A lot.” He doesn’t go on. He just stares at you with a sort of crazed look, like he was eating you up. “I think we’re going to be great friends...” his tone held a lot of implications, and you shuddered. Something must’ve happened...
Something good.
Your desires and mind said so. Maybe you can’t remember exactly what went between the three of you, but..
“Yeah...we will be.”
We will be more than that.
#joji#joji imagine#joji miller#george miller#george miller imagine#max#maxmoefoe#maxmoefoe imagine#max stanley#max stanley imagine#ian#ian carter#ian carter imagine#idubbbz imagine#iDubbbz#iDubbbzTV#cancer crew#cancer crew imagine
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Fandom Favorites
Rules: Choose any three favourite fandoms(in random order) and answer the questions. Then tag some friends. Tagged by @shardetector @inunanna @lacyjaybird Thank you so much for the tag love! My favs:- Inuyasha, Sailor Moon, and Vampire Knight The first character I loved:- 1. Inuyasha- Inuyasha. 2. Sailor Moon- Tuxedo Mask 3. VK-Zero Kiryuu I like bishies what can I say. The characters I never expected to love so much:- 1. Inuyasha- …Kagura 2. SM- Neptune 3. VK-Kaein Cross The character I relate to the most:- 1. Inuyasha- Inuyasha! He doesn't give up no matter how much he gets knocked down. He gets treated badly, but found his own place in the world, made friends who are like family to make up for his and GROWTH/Maturing over time and experience. Was hung up on an ex. Lol. 2. Sailor Moon-Chibi-Usa. She had a lot to live up to, but she's strong and has her own heart and is more like her mom than not. She does what she thinks is right and tries to do it all on her own. 3. VK-Yori, she has to watch her best friend change and go through stuff she can't even really there for her like she wants and then gets dragged into some ish. A character I liked at first but not so much anymore:- 1. Inuyasha- N/A. I understand why all the characters are the way they are and their motivations lol. 2. SM-I love them all idk 3. VK-Yuuki. Dude, just wtf happened with her. She's so capable and *spoiler alert* she gets knocked up and ran away, then the way she treated Zero (and Kaname). She had so much potential. A character I did not like at first but they have grown on you (By a lot) 1. Inuyasha- Miroku. He's a damn pervert and I don't like how he treats women, but he is a good friend after all. 2. SM- Rei, she was kinda a bitch to Serena (Going English dub here) a lot and I didn't like how she treated Chad, but now she is an idol of mine. 3. VK-Kaname. He was just a manipulative, selfish bastard, but considering the world was on his shoulders; I learned through the fandom to respect him more. Three OTPs:- per fandom? Here goes LOL 1. InuYasha- InuYasha/Kagome (Soulmates. Best friends. Need I say more?) Mirsan-it's canon, they have babies, they'd die for each other. That relationship sure grew. Sesshomaru/Kagura-I would have liked to have seen this play out, man. 2. SM- Mamoru and Usagi. Soulmates. Best friends. Need I say more? LOL. Their love is so pure and deep. Neptune/Uranus- Soulmates! best friends!ok, so their love is real and they'd do anything for each other. They're beautiful and their personalities fit together. They're a perfect match. 3. Vampire Knight Fuck me up. Um. Zero x Yuuki. I loved them together from the start. Best Friends. Guy falls for girl. Girl likes another guy but he'd clearly treat her better and loves her. They're hot/gorgeous. Lol. It's just so raw and honest. They couldn't hide their feelings. Yori x Hanabusa-I liked this more than I thought I would. It turned out to be canon! Maria x Ichiru- that would've been lovely to see. I’ll tag Hmm.. well since I’m late to the game as always I guess…. @kittyburrito69 @meichhor @hireikotsu @inuykago
#who hasn't done this or been tagged?#fandom favorites#taking me back#inuyasha#sailor moon#Vampire Knight
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fic idea!! ethan and y/n had a fight but she ended up on her knees sucking him to make it up to him.
they had to quickly go back to school because they all eat lunch with chad tara etc.
ethan has his hand on her thigh as they all talk and laugh, but y/n is still horny after that incredible bj.
he teases her, caresses her thigh, hand going up under her skirt, only slightly brushing against her panties. *with pleasing eyes she whispers* "Please ethan ill be quiet i promise"
he ends up fingering her under the table. bonus if she stops him before orgasming because she knows she'll be too loud and they end up fucking in an empty classroom next to the lunch tables
HI!
I absolutely loved this idea! I hope you like it!💕
Alone Together - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader
This contains SMUT - Minors DNI
Summary: After a fight with Ethan, you make it up to him. It unfortunately leads to you being a horny mess until he finally takes care of you.
Contains: Angst-ish?, Oral - m receiving, fingering, semi-public sex acts, spanking, unprotected sex but like...pulling out lmao. (If I missed anything, let me know:)
A/N: Dude I'm so close to 500 followers, and I want to write something HUGE for it once I get there. 🥹
You and Ethan rarely argued, but after something simple turned into the first major fight of the relationship, you felt so awful that it got to the point that it did. It all started after you told Ethan about the boy that sat beside you in class, and mentioned how he asked you for your number to talk about assignments. Ethan thought that was the stupidest excuse to get a girl’s number, but you were a little oblivious and didn’t think there were any other intentions, so you did end up giving the guy your number. Ethan got angrier the more you tried to downplay it, and he even started to question what your intentions were.
Once he’d had enough of the conversation, he stormed out. He needed to calm down, because he was so close to saying things that he didn’t mean. As hurt as he felt, he didn’t want to hurt you.
After Ethan didn’t talk to you for the rest of the day, he showed up to your dorm after his morning class. He was hoping the two of you could talk it out, because he did love you, regardless of how irritated he was.
“Hey,” you said, once you’d opened the door for him. You were trying to fight off your tears as soon as you saw him, so he pulled you into a hug.
“I’m sorry I left yesterday, but I was just so mad,” Ethan said, as his hands ran across your back. “I don’t want anyone else to think they can have you.”
“Do you want to break up?” you asked against his chest, as he chuckled.
“I love you too much to do that,” he sighed, “But I’m not going to lie, it hurt my feelings that you just gave your number out like that. I was starting to think that you wanted him to text you.”
“What?” you asked, pulling away to look at him. “You think I’d want to be with someone else?”
“I never did before yesterday,” he said, “Maybe I’m just a little insecure.”
“And a little possessive,” you mumbled, as he leaned down to kiss you.
You knew that Ethan loved you but seeing him get so mad and upset over someone trying to move in on what was his, it showed you how deep his feelings were for you. The simple kiss quickly turned into something more as his hands roamed your body and his tongue moved across your bottom lip. You gasped into his mouth once his hand moved underneath the skirt you were wearing, his hand massaging your ass as he started to back you towards your bed.
“Wait,” you said, as you pulled away. “We don’t have a lot of time for make-up sex.”
“Fuck, I forgot about lunch,” Ethan groaned, running his hand through his hair. “I’m going to be hard for the rest of the day thinking about you.”
“I think I know something that’ll help you,” you said, as you sank to your knees in front of him.
You rubbed your hand over his jeans, smiling once you felt how hard he was for you. You unbuttoned them and slid them down his hips as his eyes stayed on you.
“Are you sure we have time for this?” he asked, as you giggled to yourself.
“You know it doesn’t take me long to make you cum.”
He groaned at your words as you slid his boxers down, and you grabbed his cock as it stood at attention in front of your face. You looked up at him as you leaned in, taking his pink tip past your lips as you swirled your tongue over it.
“Fuck, baby,” he said, as his hand ran across your cheek to rest in your hair.
You were inching him in your mouth as you started to bob your head, taking more of him every time. He groaned at the feeling as your cheeks hollowed, his hand that was loosely resting in your hair gripping it tighter. Once you got to the point that you were gagging around him, your mouth getting even more wet, he started to praise you. “You make me feel so good.” “That’s it, baby. You can take it.” “Fuck, your mouth is so perfect.”
All the things he was saying to you had your core throbbing, because it turned you on so much to make him feel that good. You moved your hand up and down what you couldn’t take, as he whimpered at the feeling. Your hand moved with your mouth, his entire cock getting the attention it needed as he struggled to keep his fluttering eyes on yours. You didn’t look away, though. You loved seeing him like this. The way his breathing got heavier, the rosy tint to his cheeks, the way his head was starting to roll back.
“Fuck, gonna cum,” he panted, as you hummed around him.
His hand was tugging on your hair, the feeling making you moan around him as his eyes screwed shut, a low moan slipping past his lips as the salty liquid coated your taste buds. You bobbed your head a few more times, a lot slower than you had been going because you didn’t want him to get over stimulated, until you slid him out of your mouth, a sweet smile on your lips as he looked down at you.
“I’m definitely not mad at you anymore,” he said with a smile, as his breathing started to return to normal. “Come here, baby.”
He reached down for you to grab his hands as he helped you to your feet before he pulled you into his chest.
“Now I’m the one that gets to be a horny mess all day,” you said, as he ran his hands over your hips.
“Oh, I’ll take care of you later…you won’t be able to walk when I’m done with you.”
Whenever Ethan told you that, he meant it. The idea of him having you in all the positions and him eating it out until you couldn’t take it anymore had your head spinning. You almost wish he hadn’t told you that, because it was all you were going to be able to think about as you tried to make it through the rest of your day.
As you sat at lunch across from Tara and Chad, you were hoping that the conversation would distract you from the not-so-innocent thoughts you were having about your boyfriend.
“Did your boyfriend tell you about what happened to him yesterday?” Chad asked you, as you turned to look at Ethan.
“No…what happened?”
“So he’d just came back from showering, and I came back to our dorm earlier than I was supposed to. He didn’t realize I was there until I said something once he dropped his towel,” Chad said, cracking up as Ethan’s cheeks started to turn bright red. “He fucking screamed, dude. Like, high-pitched and everything.”
You and Tara started to giggle as you thought about it, and it was getting to the point that you couldn’t look at your boyfriend, because you knew you’d only laugh harder.
“Hey, I had a lot going on yesterday. I didn’t expect you to be there,” Ethan said, as Chad wiped a few tears off his cheeks from laughing so hard. He turned to look at you, shaking his head once he noticed how hard you were trying to keep it together. That’s when you felt his hand brush against your thigh before he squeezed it. A strained moan slipped past your lips at the feeling, as he tried to feign innocence. “You okay, babe?”
“Yeah, I accidentally kicked the table,” you lied, trying to play it off as you took a deep breath.
Once Chad and Tara stopped laughing, they brought up the weekend plans that the friend group had been looking forward to. You were trying so hard to be present for that conversation, but once Ethan’s hand inched up further until it was under your skirt, you looked over at him. He met your gaze, and smirked once he noticed your eyes pleading with his. He shook his head before he turned his attention back to Chad, but his hand didn’t stop.
You bit your bottom lip as you felt his hand run over your panties, your eyes going wide as you tried to calm down. Ethan just kept talking, like he had no idea how badly his fingers rubbing over your swollen clit was affecting you.
Once Chad and Tara started to talk about plans that they had for dinner that night, you leaned over to whisper into Ethan’s ear.
“I need more,” you said, as he lightly chuckled. “Please, baby. I’ll be quiet.”
“You promise?” he questioned, as he pushed your panties to the side.
“Yes.”
The way he had his arm angled, it looked like he was just being a sweet boyfriend with his hand resting on your leg. Chad and Tara had no idea that his ring and middle finger were buried inside of you, moving back and forth over that spongy spot inside of your pussy.
You were happy to be getting some of the attention you needed, but it was taking everything in you to keep your breathing steady. Ethan’s pace kept changing, almost like he wanted you to be loud. He’d slow his fingers down, but then he’d start pressing his fingers so hard against that spot that your hands were gripping the sides of the chair.
You felt yourself getting closer, and you knew you couldn’t be quiet, especially after you had to play off a whimper by doubling over like you’d just gotten a bad cramp. You grabbed Ethan’s wrist with both hands, as you tried to get him to stop, but he just kept going. He looked over at you, noticing how fast you were breathing, and how you looked like you could cry from the stimulation. That’s when he realized that he needed to stop, because there was no way you could make it though your orgasm without it being obvious to your friends across the table.
He pulled his fingers out, and once Tara and Chad talked to each other, he looked back over at you and brought the fingers that were covered into your wetness up to his lips. You needed to cum so bad, and once he did that, you were sure you were going to go feral if you didn’t get your orgasm.
“We need to go,” you whispered, as he looked back over to Chad and Tara.
“We’ll leave soon, babe,” he said, as you huffed in frustration.
“If you don’t take me somewhere and fuck me right now, I’m going to go crazy.”
“You need it that bad?” he questioned, looking back at your friends to make sure they were still in their own conversation.
“Please, Ethan.”
“Hey guys, I think we’re going to get out of here,” Ethan said, as Chad and Tara looked at the two of you.
“Is everything okay?” Tara asked, once she noticed that you weren’t really saying anything.
“Yeah, it’s just cramps. I’m going to walk with her back to her dorm really quick before class,” he said, as your friends nodded.
Once you and Ethan got up, he took his hand in yours as he led you away from the table.
“We don’t have time to go back to my dorm,” you said, as he started to laugh.
“That’s not where we’re going,” he said, as he led you down the hall to a room that was used for study groups.
“We’re going to fuck in here? There’s no lock on the door,” you huffed, running your hand through your hair as Ethan grabbed a chair and propped it up under the door knob.
“No one’s getting in here,” he said, as he walked over to you. “I’m going to fuck you right here on this table.”
“Are you sure we won’t get caught?” you asked, as he reached under your skirt and grabbed your panties and slid them down your hips.
“That depends on how loud you are.”
Ethan tuned you around and had you bent over the table, your elbows resting against the wood as you waited for him to fuck you. You heard the zipper to his jeans get slid down before you felt him move your skirt, so it was bunched up on your hips.
“This is going to have to be quick, baby. Is that okay?” he asked, as he pushed the tip of his cock in your dripping pussy.
“Mhm,” you moaned at the feeling, as he slid the rest of himself inside you. “Just..don’t get your cum on my clothes.”
“It’s going to go all over this perfect ass of yours.”
He wasted no time before his cock started to thrust in and out of you, soft moans slipping out of your mouth. He was so focused on you, but once he glanced up at the clock on the wall and noticed you had less time than he originally thought, he started to pound into you. The sudden pace change caught you off guard, and you had to time to process it before you started letting out loud moans. The tip of Ethan’s cock hit your g-spot with every thrust, and after his fingers a few minutes before, you knew it wasn’t going to take much for him to make you cum. His hands were gripping your hips as he pulled them back to meet his thrusts, your hands moving to grip the side of the table so you wouldn’t fall off it.
Seeing you like this, and it being in a slightly public setting ignited something in Ethan. He let go of one of your hips to give a sharp smack to your ass, the feeling making you whimper as he soothingly rubbed over it before he did it again.
“Oh my god,” you moaned, “I’m so close.”
His hand went back to your hip as he mercilessly fucked you, loud whines flooding out of your mouth as the grip you had on the table got even tighter.
Ethan’s heavy breathing turned to groans once your pussy started to squeeze his cock, and you were bringing him so close to his own orgasm, but he was trying so hard to hold out so he could fuck you through yours. The sounds you were making didn’t make it any easier for him, so he finally pulled out.
“Fuck,” he mumbled, once he looked down at his release all over your ass cheek. “You gotta see this.”
You didn’t say anything as you caught your breath against the table, a sweet smile playing on your lips as he walked around to show you his phone.
“Whoa, that’s hot,” you said, as you looked at the picture of the red handprint that was covered in his cum.
“Yeah,” he said, as he walked over to grab some tissues from the other side of the room. “Did you like doing it in here?”
“Yeah, if you want this to be our new spot for quickies, I’m down.”
“I know we just hooked up, but I still want you to come over tonight. I didn’t have enough time for all the things I wanted to do to you,” he said, as he slid his boxers and jeans back up.
“I’d love to, babe,” you said, smiling at him as you stood up.
“Good, because again, you won’t be able to walk when I’m done with you.”
ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know I did it again and left it open for a part 2, so if y'all want another part of this where it'll probably consist of nothing but fucking, let me know lmao. It'd definitely be more on the rough side👀
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My friend keeps making fun of me cause I ship Freddie and chad
Then your friend is an asshole inthat respect. I give them the benefit of the doubt and believethey’re a nice person in general, but there’s no justification tomaking fun of someone’s ship choices, especially if it’s not ingood, playful fun you’re both in on.
You know what? Have some ship headcanon for how these too started, in my mind:
Chad and Freddie are initially very ambivalent towards each other,and have a very casual friendship--they know each other, they willwork with each other for class, and they will hang out with each other if oneof their other, closer friends initiates it, but they will not calleach other up on their phones or on Facebook to chat or hang out.
All of this changes as Ben starts to expand the Isle-To-AuradonProgram (not its official name, but you get the point) and more andmore VK’s and some of their parents start to enter Auradon Prep,the schools of other states, and their society at large.
Chad, being the Charm that he is (and also incrediblyentitled and shallow) sees that quite a lot of those VK girls areattractive and interesting, especially after you finally give themaccess to things like proper diet, modern medical care, and hope that theirfutures are definitely not going to be as shitty as their parents’. Inevitably,because VK is the new trend, they’re exotic, and he’s beenflirting with essentially the same people for all his life, fromawkward oblivious childhood to not-so-awkward, sometimes stilloblivious young adulthood now, he decides to try his chances with theladies of the Isle. (Before you ask about Audrey, I assume theyeither broke up amicably, or their dancing together was just for SetIt Off to not feel like the odd ones out.)
And he’s successful.
He’s just as exotic to the VK’s as they are to him, he hasmuch better hygiene than most other boys their age from the Isle (andsometimes even Auradon), and he’s got the appeal of hisself-confidence, his being co-captain to Ben, and great geneticscoupled with being ripped as hell from being a very effective andactive Right Forward.
But, as with all relationships, superficial attraction only lastsfor so long, and if you wan the relationship to keep going, you’regoing to have to find something deeper than looks.
And this is where it all starts going downhill for him.
The Ladies of the Isle begin to realize just how little Chad hasto offer in the way of personality--and for them, having a strongpersonality with deep passions, convictions, and personal values is much more attractive than justbeing a pretty boy. (It’s a practical and personal appeal: driven,determined men who have non-superficial values they hold fast to makebetter partners, protectors, and providers in thedog-steal-from-other-dog world of the Isle.)
And unlike the womenhe’s used to, they are NOT nice about it.
They will, up to his face, tell him he’s boring, vapid, and waytoo obsessed with his looks and nothing else. They will tell himoutright that they don’t want him anymore because he’s just atrophy boyfriend--looks pretty, but serves no practical purposeexcept maybe to pawn off for something better. And when they cheat onhim, seeking what he lacks in other men (and women and non-binary genders, Isle standardsare VERY loose due to the inherently low, limited population), theyare merciless with explaining why they cheated on him, and have zeroregrets for doing it.
The Isle Philosophy is that it’s really not you, it’s them, and you weren’t a good fit, or more often than not, the relationship will work but only with sanctioned, monagam-ish infidelity.
But Chad doesn’t know or believe that.
For him, it’s Rejection on a massive, constant, emotionally devastatingscale, all the damage aimed at his sense of self-worth—an entirely new experience for him.
And one that he’s notcomfortable with.
For all his life, he’s always been led to believethat he’s the best, that he deserves all the love in the world, andhis high achieving life and the people that surrounded him onlyhelped reinforce that. And now here he is, like manynarcissists and children raised by overpraising parents before him,finding out the hard truth of life we all need to know:
He’s not actually as great as he thinks he is.
Because Chad has a VERY fragile sense of self-worth, and hasconsciously or unconsciously lead himself to believe that if he stopsachieving, if he stops being the best, if he stops being one of thehandsomest of them all, no one will like him, and it begins hisspiral into a deep, dark depression that affects everything.
His grades plummet when he stops studying and stops bothering toget people to do his homework for him—what's the point of gettinggood grades when he couldn't do it himself, when he'd have no smartsof his own to rely on if there isn't anyone to do the thinking forhim? He stops taking care of himself—he begins to realize just howvapid and superficial the motivations for his twice monthly constantteeth whitening, nightly moisturizing rituals, and “three cans ofhairspray a day” habits were. His performance in Tourney evenbegins to suffer, him being benched more often, Aziz becoming themain Right Forward than his substitute, and after a particularly badgame when Ben tried to get his confidence back up with a Big Scoreand Chad failed to get it, Coach Jenkins reluctantly begins toconsider letting him go for poor performance, and the demoralizingeffect his newfound personal crisis is having on everyone else on theteam.
The night after that game, after everyone including the visitingteam has gone home, he's sulking in the Tourney field, sitting in themiddle of the bleachers, alone, ruminating on everything he's everdone in his life and what he's going to do now that his life has beenupended, that he realizes everything he thought was important isreally so temporary and superficial, that he's found himself, for thefirst time in his life, feeling down, lonely, and unloved with noservant, parent, or friend ready to comfort him and reassure him ofhis greatness.
Enter Freddie, out on a late night walk with a flashlight inher hand. “Hey, Charming, what're you doing here in the dark?”she says, shining it on him.
Chad flinches and shields his face.
“Trying to go for that 'dark, brooding, and troubled' look thatthe Auradon Girls love so much? Because believe me, it reallydoesn't fit you,” Freddie jokes.
When Chad doesn't reply, she frowns, steps up to the bleachers,and sits down next to him. “Hey, Charming—Chad, what's wrong?”she asks, hands awkwardly placed in her lap.
Chad looks at her, and for the first time in her life, Freddiesees him vulnerable, hurting, and hopeless—not an unfamiliarexpression on the Isle, but something she never realized the AK'scould feel too.
“Everything...” he mutters, holding back his tears, before heburies his face in his knees.
Freddie looks at him, and frowns. She puts her hand on his back.“Come on, we're going to the kitchen.”
“What for?” Chad moans.
“Cause you need some beignets ASAP, is what!” Freddie says asshe stands up. “Now get off your ass, I don't want to have to bringout some voodoo just to get you to move your butt.”
Normally, Chad would take offense to this, but at this point, he'sgot zero fucks left to give so he just ambles along after Freddie. Hesulks at one of the counters while Freddie fries up some beignets,not entirely sure why he's here, or why she's doing this, but notexactly caring to find out.
Freddie slides up some piping hot beignets with an extra generoussprinkling of sugar. “Careful, they're still hot,” she says.
Chad just looks at him, then at her.
Freddie frowns. “For Christ's sake, Chad, the fuck is eating atyou?!”
Up until that moment, Chad has mostly kept his problems and hislife revelations to himself, wrongly believing that sharing youremotions and problems with others will make him look less manly,threaten the “Prince Who Has Everything” look he's been workingso hard to cultivate.
And at that point, he just breaks. He doesn't spill everything,because he's still pretty bad at the opening up part, but he doesshare his woes with Freddie, about how every single relationship he'shad with the VK girls have all ended badly—they break up with himand aren't so decent as to do it in person, they cheat on himconstantly and sometimes his seeing them and their new beau togetheris his finding out they're no longer a thing, if they didn't bluntlyreject him outright.
He starts crying midway through, and he's just too emotionallydrained to care that he's doing it right in front of an almost totalstranger.
Freddie listens to him, saying the bare minimum of words to tellhim to keep talking, clarifying his words or which VK he's talkingabout exactly (she knows all of them—again, small Isle, limitedpopulation of potential dates), and just generally letting him know that she is in facthearing what he's saying.
He finally ends by saying that the whole experience has turned himoff from dating FOREVER—he skips on all the other elements like hisgrades, his Tourney performance, and of course, his sense ofself-esteem.
“And…?” Freddie asks.
Chad goes from “sobbing his heart out” to “pissed” in an instant. “'And' what?”
“And what's the problem...?”
Chad just stares at her indisbelief.
“Jesus fuck, Chad, are you really this broken up because you gotrejected a couple dozen times in a row? Dude, you realize you wereflirting with ISLE girls, right? We are vicious, you shouldknow that!”
Chad frowns. “I didn't...”
Freddie sighs, and puts his hand on his shoulder. “Look, Chad?Two things you gotta understand about VK's and dating: one, peoplebreak up, make up, and break up again all the time, you don't get onechance to make a relationship work then that's it; you just gottawait, and maybe work on whatever it was that lead to you breaking upin the first place.
“And two: when it doesn't work out with someone, you just findsomeone else that'll hopefully work better.”
Chad looks at her, stunned. With their culture of “love at first sight,” “one true loves,” and amazing stories about two people overcoming all odds and differences to love each other, this is an honestly new, eye-opening revelation to him.
“That's what we did, and we all basically just dated each otheror someone else's beau, but we still made it work!” Freddie continues, unaware of how much she’s blown Chad’s mind. “How much better isit going to be for you, now that you've got literally millions ofeligible bachelorettes, most of which you've never even met before?”
Her eyes soften. “You can't just give up completely fromyour first bad breakup streak ever, Chad—I swear, there is at least onegal out there who's going to be happy to make you beignetswhenever you damn well want 'cause she loves you that much.”
Chad smiles, for what feels like the first time in weeks. “Someonelike you?” he jokes.
“What? Hell no!” Freddie replies. “Chad, let me be clear:I'm only doing this because there's nothing sadder, and moreimportantly annoying, than a heartbroken dude who goes aboutall day moping and whining about how 'Love is dead.'
“Now come on: get yourself some beignets before they get cold,” she says, holding the plate to his face.
Chad does, they're delicious, and he feels a lot better.
Later in their relationship, Chad loves using this story both totease Freddie about how wrong she was and how thankful she is thatshe decided to do all that for him.
Figuratively and literally, she saved his life.
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Whiskey Headcanon
So here’s the thing I love Whiskey and want more headcanons so it’s now my official job. This boy is basically the fashion friend, skincare friend, stoic dreamboat to all LAX bros.
First, So Cal Whiskey feels accurate considering the style he wears
This means a number of things, one being he and Random have tag teamed Holster into a pair of salmon shorts that were bought specifically for him
Next this style is actually new-ish for him, it started during his senior year
There is a style squad in the SMH it is filled with Ransom, Bitty, Nursey, and Whiskey
Dex doesn’t care but def has better style then hamburgler Jack Zimmermann and hot mess Holster
Spring C they are determined to get the entire team in to clothes that suit their style but are actually nice
Whiskey takes this super seriously and he actually really loves the entire team
The reason he seems so offput by the team earlier is that he’s trying to break away from the whole machismo idea but like internal gender ideals and stuff it’s super hard
So yes, this is also me rolling with Latino Whiskey, but we have been blessed with someone having expanded that idea, so I’m kind of skipping it
Except there’s a similar effect if you give him El Jimadore in the way that Mollson gets Ransom and Jack going full Canadian, Whiskey goes super So cal, mixing between bro beach slang and valley girl latino, which yes, is the best way to put it because this bitch spills all the chispes when drunk on tequila, like if he has the right drinks, he’ll join the petty squad of Holster and Bitty
“ Like dude his ass is fire” ”He means hot, his ass is hot”
“You don’t even know like ese puta es un pendejo, pero su cujo, you know” “???” “He said that he’s a dumb ass but, his ass, you know” “Ohhhh”
The team uses Chowder and Tango to decrypt drunk Whiskey, which really. It’s not that hard.
So yes he loves the team and Bitty and he initially had a J Zed crush before moving on
Chowder may have zebra ass eyebrows, but the boy takes CARE of his skin, and his spa day buddies are Lardo, Whiskey, Bitty, and Dex
Whiskey works at a lush, and no he doesn’t tell anyone because he doesn’t need them trying to say hi during work, but he has an extensive skin care knowledge and saves certain members (Ollie and Wicks) from themselves and Bacne
Actually he helps EVERYONE, and one time Jack comes in and is like, how much would it take to have you help some team members on the Falconers
Whiskey jumps at it and really the main targets are definitely Tater’I only do soap, no lotion we die like men’ and Poots ‘my skin literaly changes SO fast due to weather and the roadies are gonna kill my ass’ and Snowy ‘sensitive skin, sensitive eyes, literally give me brands that won’t give me hives’
The entire team definitely joins in, and then theyre just like, Jack no wonder we’re gonna give you the A what the fuck
Whiskey learns that Jack ‘my mom is Alicia Phelps, she’s way more famous than my dad’ Zimmermann has been stuggling to help them without coming off like a jerk
I love him but he’s never getting dibs. Instead the LAX team clears their attic out, shifts some people into it, and gives Whiskey a room on the second story since attics suck
Bylaw 13 is this guys end of the year goal
Whiskey is definitely one for speeding in his car
He’s there on two scholarships
Whiskey can make solid pan dulce, but he can’t cook real food, so he has to always ask Tango if he wants something home made
The Lax bros throw him a surprise birthday event that is an all day thing
They had him over for a movie night before his actual birthday, and kept him out of the house so the haus could make him breakfast
They had a haus wide brunch while Some Chads set up the LAX house for a spa day for a few hours, then they took him to a karaoke bar and a dinner, before bringing him back to the Haus for a party
Yes he actually loves karaoke
He will drink before dinner you can’t stop him
He actually will mainly drink wine in a non party setting tbh
It is important to never actually get too fancy with wine because he does not CARE
He listens to a lot of rap and hip hop, but you can catch him singing to Selena if he’s in a bad mood
Tango can out dance him, it’s a fact
Chowder can also out dance him if he’s going hard
He is typically not one for getting really drunk, but he is definitely one for taking off his clothes, the drunker he gets the more comes off
Luckily he rarely gets drunk enough for anything more than his shirt to come off
Epikegster did have him naked for a hot minute, but one of the Chads, Chadwick, covered him with his jacket, which led to two other chads offering him clothes, Chad H, and Brad but we call him chad since it’s his middle name
Chad R had a giant gay crisis at that moment
The entire Team had a crisis
#check pleas#omgcp#Whiskey#check please#I love my son#Whiskey is Latino#Someone love him too please#cp Holster#cp ransom#cp Whiskey
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New Look Sabres: GM 14 - WSH - Season’s First Rant
6-1 Washington Capitals over Buffalo Sabres
I’ve thought the Capitals are a soft team for about seven years now. The President’s Trophy years and even the year they won the Stanley Cup: they’ve been a beatable good team for a while. I know that’s some high alcohol content coming from a Sabres fan but they’re not a beast of a team, not since maybe before Eichel was drafted. Don’t get me wrong, they’re lethal with the likes of Backstrom, Kuzy, Oshie, Carlson and of course the greatest pure goal scorer of his generation Alexander Ovechkin. They have what this young Sabres squad are still very much learning: killer instinct. Having your moment and converting on them even when you got a lead. They also got a powerplay that just fires cannon after cannon after cannon. They’ve got all the makings of Champions and most of them do have at least one title to their name. But even the Caps on a hot streak aren’t unbeatable. I predicted the Sabres would stay with the Caps for a little bit before getting run out of town. I was half right. The Caps got the first goal and never really looked back. This one ended 6-1 for the home team. Grab your leftover Halloween candy because you’re going to need em! This one was the first honest to god roast. We got a little taste of the roast we know so well against the Rangers last week, this time we got full open flame! The most well-done parts of this roast? The defense: that cut is charred real good. But before we eat the main course how about we have some appetizers. This won’t be the fun bread and butter appetizer. No, it’s time for the salad! And no, you don’t get dressing! No, not cheese! I think we need to have a little talk as fans. This is a fan blog after all, and the team didn’t exactly give us a lot to talk about tonight.
Did they have a bad game? Yes they did. The first period the defense was absolutely rocked. For the playing connected Sabres it was the most distinct chasm between quality of play between the offense and the defense. Ask Conor Sheary, he almost drew first blood before the post denied him! That’s my segway: fellow Sabre fan let me ask you this. Do you feel denied? I started watching this team in 2009. For five years the nicest thing this team gave me was a cute little Winter Classic game. Would it have been nice for them to let Edmonton take Tomas Vanek and keep those draft picks, so they could’ve built a winner for when I was in High School and my dad and me were watching games all hunky dory? Yeah. Somedays when I’m really bored I feel denied a Lindy Ruff Stanley Cup. Bah, let’s talk about this team. Jack Eichel played his 300th game tonight. Wow isn’t that crazy. I’d say I feel old but I’m young enough that he could be my brother. He’s been a Sabre for all 300 of those games. 108 goals, 276 points and a big zero goose egg playoff games in four seasons. Does Jack Eichel feel denied the postseason competition that big olde ginger heart beats fast for? He did… in 2017. Then he became a leader and decided this club was the only way he was going to get that sweet sweet postseason play and got over it. He’s still on pace for a career year by the way. We’ve put up with a lot of garbage, many of us longer than Jack has, but let’s be real here: is this a club you don’t want to bother with on a Friday night? In 2017-2018 I was going to painting classes with my in-laws instead of watching Sabres games. That team was accidentally the worst in the league. This version? I cleared my afternoon for that Dallas game a couple weeks back and was richly rewarded! I think we’re afraid. I think we’re afraid of how to handle a team that is actually good. When we’re bitching about them losing to a good team saying same old Sabres typing SpongeBob font “cAn I bE nEgAtIvE aBoUt ThEm NoW?” That’s a loser’s mentality. We’ve wanted them to be good so long that we can’t handle them when they’re good, get our hopes up and then have a stinker. They’re not as good as the Caps right now, is that remotely shocking? Should that be something that makes us check the draft rankings? Are we really cowards like that? Jack Eichel took the shit and dealt with it and so should we. Captain Jack is not one to sit in the shit and mope about it. Maybe we shouldn’t either. And if some curly haired New Englander is the right messenger how about the other team’s C. Ovechkin gave the Leafs a decent white board quote when they shellacked our northern neighbors over the weekend: “Will they play for themselves or for a Cup?” He knows struggling for a long time to eventually breakthrough. I think we’ll breakthrough as a fanbase to not panic at the slightest sign of difficulty soon. We just got to be smart when we got a bad night.
Alright, Pep talk’s over. Let’s rant together. They’ve lost back to back for the first time this season and it wasn’t until November; but they’ve finally failed enough to shake off my first rant! And it starts with our favorite jock-voice jet setter Coach Krueger! This new coach is marching out my sweet baby boy Linus Ullmark against one of the most potent offenses in the Eastern Conference! AAAHHHHH!! If master motivator Ralph Krueger isn’t going to turn it around after a rough patch in the most stacked Atlantic Division in twenty years then I am not going to defend incompetence this time! I finally get to write a blog for money (southtownstickets.com, check it out) after years of writing about this god forsaken team for therapy and now you’re going to drive me into insanity right as opportunities like a 9-2-2 start to crop up!? GIVE ME A BREAK! There has to be some 70-year-old dude looking at me like a real amateur. Imagine that: imagine remembering every single disappointing year of this franchise and being made to get excited about a team everyone who knows any insight at all about the sport thinks are likely 10-15 points out of a playoff spot again. Imagine that! That guy must feel really denied, eh?! I feel insulted for him! You know who I don’t feel insulted for? YOU DUMB ASS TONAWANDA/CHEEKTOWAGA/ORCHARD PARK BOOT KISSING GAS LIGHTING TROLLS WHO ARE JUST DYING TO ROAST ANY USAGE OF ADVANCED STATS! WHAT DO YOU DO? I’m not talking to you old guys, no you just grew up with a league that encouraged assault with a deadly weapon, and you miss it. I’m talking to you: yeah you, you under 30 Trump voting fucks who think math is out to ruin your hockey! WHO HURT YOU? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS? DOES CHAD’S FACE JUST MAKE YOU IRRATIONALLY VIOLENT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO PUNCH IT? GET THERAPY, don’t take it out on the someone who just happens to enjoy hockey with a few extra numbers! UNFOLLOW YOU IGNORANT PRICK! DAHLIN DOESN’T NEED TO BE BENCHED BECAUSE YOU REWARD CREATIVITY YOU SELF-DEFEATING SHITHEAD! Ugh, you stupid fucks…*deep breath*… okay you probably want some real content now… okay per Darren Dreger Sabres GM Jason Botterill is looking to make a trade for forward depth …*takes another deep breath*… okay let’s talk about this game for real now.
Henri Jokiharju scored his first goal as a Sabre. It was a weird one. It bounced off a Caps’ back and over Brendan Holtby. That’s nice anyway for a guy whose been fantastic so far. He deserves it more than most even deserved to be on the ice in this game. Every defensive pairing except maybe John Gilmour and Colin Miller was roasted on an open fire. It’s like a Bills tailgate with less liquor and no broken tables. It’s hard to compliment forwards here since none of them scored but Conor Sheary and his line with Casey Mittelstadt looked sharp. Maybe it’s time to get Victor Olofsson off Eichel’s wing? We’ve been thinking about it for a while, but this is the first official skid so maybe Krueger actually does it now. Hell, maybe the Isles have to face Skinner-Eichel tomorrow. Now that I think about it, please do that, I’ll be in attendance. I also feel the need to bring up Evan Rodrigues. Dude: what’s going on? I want you to get your mojo back but you’re not looking good. I saw a trade scenario with you as an add on and I didn’t hate it. You maybe running out of time. If you’re going to turn it around you probably have to do it… like now-ish.
Like and share this blog. While you’re at it rant with me in the comments. We haven’t had good grounds for a rant yet. Let’s be thankful it didn’t get here until the Christmas music started playing. The Isles are hot right now and I want to call em soft since I’m seeing them live tomorrow I just can’t. Look, there’s no cakewalks this month. If they suck ass tomorrow at home they’re going to get booed. I’m not in booing mood after a 9-3-2 start but lord knows if they trail at all tomorrow at home some Tonawanda fucks are going to do it! Well enough bad words for tonight. I’m tired and I’m heading to Toronto in the morning tomorrow before the game. Drop me any recommendations that come to mind. I’m already doing the Hockey Hall of Fame so be more creative. Nothing makes me cheer for the Sabres harder than going to Toronto! Let’s Go Buffalo!
Thanks for Reading.
P.S. If you are from Tonawanda, Cheektowaga or Orchard Park those insults are not aimed at you for simply being from there. They are aimed at the high number of gas-lighting trolls who originate from your town. Please don’t make this disclaimer relevant, don’t be a dumbass.
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