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datleggy · 4 years

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I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove.

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance :)

#long post is long #ask #anon #also i got ur other ask #NP! never a bother :)#911 lonestar #911 fox #tldr at the end #read more

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galaxylohnce · 6 years

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VUD paladin headcanons!!!!

BTW this is based off of @voltronuniversaldefender ‘s reboot!!! CHECK THEM OUT THEYRE DOING GOD’S WORK

also i have read approx 2 headcanons and baRELY understand this AU so if there are similarities to anyone else or inconsistencies iT IS AN ACCIDENT AND IM SORRY

anyway this is just about the 4 confirmed paladins BET ill be doing more about Fa’rah/Takashi/Zahi/Ashanti once i know a bit more about their roles in the team!!

Alvaro Garcia Valladares

he has a twin. i don't make the rules, but he has a twin.

he has a big family. the biggest family. we’re talking, his mom has 8 siblings and his dad has 9 and there’s a 10 year age gap between him and his oldest sibling and he loves them all so much

natia is his best friend. i repeat, NATIA IS HIS BEST FRIEND!!!!

he’s also quite close with kiki. Natia and Kiki are the only two that he met before their great space adventure

he wasn't really sure of his sexuality at first. (i say this because i wasn't sure of my sexuality at first - im bi btw - and all the media i saw told me that any lgbt+ character was 100% sure of their sexuality form the day they were born, which made me doubt myself bc i didn't figure it out till recently, so i wanna see that in some media!! sometime!!) he probably figured it out halfway through having a crush on someone

the someone is akio, and he definitely tells Natia about it first

“natia... natia listen.... I have a crush on akio. freakin akio.... what do i do??? I’m bi, natia... I'm bi. what does this mean -”

“alvaro, I'm so proud of you, but this is a public bathroom and akio is right outside -”

GUARANTEE that the first time he saw Akio he just basically wanted to fight him but also flirt with him and had a slight moral crisis and ended up doing nothing

he is a goddamn sharpshooter, okay. he straight up becomes famous for it throughout the galaxy.

yet despite that he’s still insecure, and those insecurities prevent him from really getting together w akio until much later

he comes off as very suave and extroverted when you first meet him, but underneath it all, he’s actually really warm, personable and funny: not that anyone outside the team know that

aliens on social media, probably: god, the blue paladin is so cool... i bet he’s amazing and awesome and eloquent...

meanwhile, alvaro: do u guys think i could fit my whole hand in my mouth or nah?

enjoys memes, and shares this love with kiki

basically an all around great guy. because he often felt like a seventh wheel at the beginning of the formation of the team, he always tries to include everybody as best as possible, going way out of his way to ask after people, even if they forget to ask about him sometimes :’)

Natia Nanai

first off: what a gorgeous name. seriously. incredible kudos, my dude. anyway on to the head canons for this gorgeous girl

probably alvaro’s soulmate. already mentioned this, but it needs reiteration. they are best friends

had a large family too (not as big as alvaros tho) and probably major relate to him with that big family dealio

v close with kiki. they complete each other on a technological level.

natia is very, very creative. she and her sweet engineering know how are always instrumental in getting the Team out of tough situations

Akio: theres no way out of this we’re going to die -

Natia: bet?

she does say “bet” a lot. like, almost too much? but she's always right and valid when she says it

the villain: i’ve got you now!!!!

natia, under her breath: bet

the paladins, thinking: thank god, we’re saved

very soft but also badass as hell. she has a unique duality.

pulls a violet baudelaire: she puts that GORGEOUS hair up in a ponytail when doing work or whenever she has an idea

everyone on the team, regardless of sexuality, is low-key in love with her because she’s just so nice. no one can hate her. she's way too solid of a friend

speakinG of being a great friend: natia is 100% the secret keeper up in this bitch. everyone comes to her because they know she’s got the best advice around and will take their secrets to the grave

akio: idk man... alvaro is just rlly cute, u know?? but i can't tell him...

natia, thinking of alvaro literally whining to her about akio not even five minutes ago: christ

the mom friend. she always has all the things everyone needs on hand or in her lion, and she’s got it all going in terms of chore charts and family meals. she is the queen of figuring out times for team bonding and everyone loves her more for it

definitely started a board game night asap

she has a silent bravery about her that no one else can match. despite her trepidation, natia will always do what has to be done for the greater good.

she is guided by her heart and her morals, and is easily the kindest person on the team

bc of this kindness, she is often the diplomat when conflicts arise between people on the team

she is seen by the general public (aka the galaxy) as a strong, morally righteous woman. kind of like rosie the riveter-esque??? she’s the symbol of justice and fairness.

aliens: she's so... peacekeeping :0

natia, at kiki: throw me that wrench, or so help me god -

basically, a queen who always considers everyone and works really hard to create a family, even when they're all so far from home :’)

Kiki Evans

generally over it tbh

“always tired, but always inspired” - kiki, on being asked why there were dark circles under her eyes

kind of standoffish. she’s not really about being nice, she's about getting the job done, and that can rub people the wrong way, since she is always the first to offer up the cold, logical solution

but underneath that, she’s just a computer science nerd who is loyal to a fault

she really is loyal. its almost dangerous sometimes, because she would put the universe in danger to save her friends, which actually comes into conflict with her typical cold, logical approach.

she has 0-1 sibling. she's every bit the single child. she cannot relate to living in a big family setting, and at first its hard for her to deal with before she warms up to everyone else on the team

she's a genius, and thus found school to be tedious. in fact, she got fairly bad grades, as she wouldn't do the work that she saw as pointless and boring

she is a meme connoisseur, and loves to quote vines, often assisted by alvaro

kiki, as they approach a giant black hole: HZZK

alvaro, catching on immediately: is... is that real???

she is a conspiracy theorist, for sure. the government is watching us all, trying to make sure we don't learn too much.... she’s sure of it, and akio is too

tbh, the first proper conversation she had with akio was about cryptids and how the government had hidden them from the public

she was friends w natia and alvaro from before, but it is akio she becomes closest with the fastest. in some ways, she feels more distant from natia/alvaro bc of how close they are with each other and bc all of them have known each other for so long while akio is someone she got to know recently: he has no preconceptions about who she used to be, and she has none about him

plus, she and akio relate on many levels: both trans, both gay, both autistic, both theorists, and both loyal to a fault. she finds a real blood brother in akio :D

very openly gay. very. she's a space lesbian, and theres no denying it

kiki, meeting some random space girl: oh

kiki, moments later to akio: god I'm gay

akio, downing a glass of water but acting like its vodka or smthg: god, same

the public sees her as the cold and calculating techie, the brains of the operation

natia is her partner in crime. they finish each others sentences. they've got a tech connection going, babey

kiki: if we just cross-reference the zaiforge tunnel with the -

natia, nodding: particle consummator, of course we’ll get the perfect -

them, together: amount of energy!!!

everyone else: sorry wot

basically, she's a tech goddess with a splash of genius. she's uneasy and a bit awkward, but thats just bc she’s never been in a situation like this before. after literally 1 second with her, she opens up and is such a loyal friend. :’)

Akio Himura

wow this boy is gay and he knows it

he loves his parents (zahi, takashi, and ashanti) but god he will never admit it. not ever

alvaro, after listing his parents, 20 aunts and 100 cousins: and i love them all so much, with all my heart. what about ur family akio?

akio, not wanting to show weakness: they're nerds.

alvaro: um okay cool good talk haha :)

akio, internally: but i love them nd would die for them tbh... but i can't show weakness

he's so guarded after his biological parents left/died/disappeared. poor boy

definitely a single child, and definitely adopted

his parents love him SO MUCH. so much.

akio: why do i have three parents, dad?

takashi, almost crying: its simple. u deserve so much love, that it couldn't be contained in just two people. we needed three. its how its gotta be, my beautiful, sweet summer child

a yeehaw kind of guy. he grew up in the midwest riding horses before his biological parents died and theres a piece of him that will always be a southern boy

the kind of kid in school that pretends he’s a delinquent, but actually just has the aesthetic of a delinquent, and is truly soft

akio: hell yeah I'm a rebel. i logged onto disney.com without my parents permission

kiki, choked up: so brave

mothman is his love. his passion. all cryptids, for that matter. kiki is more of an all around conspiracy theorist: akio is in it for the cryptids

he’s a bit awkward, and doesn’t totally understand all social cues/jokes. because of this, he stays away from memes, and is very guarded when meeting new people, especially after experiences with light bullying for not only his social ineptitude, but his upbringing.

considering that, his first meeting with alvaro was supremely awkward, and akio accidentally fought with him multiple times before they established a solid friendship

akio, having a gay panic: you are the light of my life

alvaro: sorry what??

akio, panicking more: I said, you wanna fiGHT WITH A KNIFE???

he pined after alvaro from basically day one, but had the foresight to actually know that he was pining, unlike alvaro who just floundered

of course he would never say anything

he is a stabby boi. he is unrivaled in swordplay, and enjoys routine. his natural affinity for picking up new skills plus his unrivaled work ethic basically DESTROYED everyone else when it came to swords

he’s loyal af and is always the first one to take action. akio is a “do something. do anything, but do it fast before we lose a chance to do something” kind of guy

the general public sees him as the fiery one: he’s the one with the fanciest footwork in a fight, and he’s very good with battle tactics. he can come thru with that strategy at the perfect times

he's a low-key emo. for sure. he loves MCR, but strangely dislikes other similar artists like p!atd and fob.

kiki: but...brendon urie, akio....

akio, sipping tea: as a gay, i can appreciate the aesthetic. but no one can compete with MCR

kiki, exasperated: its not a competition -

basically, a slightly guarded boy with a real talent for defending the universe and his friends, but also an emo cowboy mess who is in love with alvaro and loves everyone :’)

WELL THAT ENDED UP LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. I HOPE U ENJOY AAAA

ALSO FOLLOW @voltronuniversaldefender !!!! its amazing, guys, really check it out :D

#vud #voltron universal defender #i love them asadjkdflkKL #vud headcanons #I HOPE YALL LIKE THIS #alvaro valladeres #natia nanai #kiki evans #akio himura

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creacherkeeper · 6 years

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hey, i really really love 'little bird'! i was wondering if you have any thoughts on roy's pov during that story? i've been thinking about the possibility of him standing up for her when she's not around / helping her when she's having a bad day...

oh im so glad you liked little bird!! it was a very personal fic for me and im glad other people find stuff they enjoy in it

i like to think that, even though they wouldnt have had a word for it, one of roy’s sisters was probably autistic and so he knew a little bit about how to accommodate for it before he went to live with the hawkeyes. so riza’s behavior didnt like, really faze him like it did the other kids. i think the reason they got so close is because riza felt like roy was really the only one who tried to understand her, and knew when to give her space vs give her comfort

which obviously made him leaving that much harder, because they both grew up a lot during that time, and now they dont know how to act in front of each other because theyre both putting on this front

i think, after ishval, when theyre working in close proximity again, theyve got to retain this kind of professional air they have around other people. i dont think they ever go back to the casual companionship they had in childhood. so roy really isnt the person riza would go to if she was struggling or had a meltdown or anything like that, but the thing is is that he knows her so he always knows when its happened. and he’ll do little things like buy a cupcake for her during lunch or give everyone busy work so the office is more quiet during the day. or during long meetings he’ll pass her little objects to fidget with under the table

i think around other people, if they ever point out some of the “odd” little things about riza, roy just acts ... like he has absolutely no idea what they’re talking about. not that he hasnt noticed the things, but that he doesnt see why they could possibly think theyre odd. like the way she wiggles her fingers sometimes, or her flat voice, or her need to have everything in a certain way. and he’ll launch into a story about one of his sisters or a girl he used to date or someone in the army who did the exact same thing, and he’ll just keep rambling until they forget what they were commenting on in the first place

after promised day, i think they do get some of that casual companionship back, because theyre done hiding how much they care about each other. and they both just feel such relief that they finally have that safe place back. i think all of team mustang probably gets a lot closer after that, and riza starts relying on them to be there for her too

and when roy notices other people doing autistic stuff, like flapping their hands or info dumping or anything like that, he points it out to riza. and at first she’s a little insecure about it but then she realizes he’s doing it in an “isnt that awesome! they do it too!” sort of way and that does actually make her feel better. and she feels a little more comfortable showing her autistic traits around him, and he always encourages her to because he understands why she hides it in other situations, but he doesnt think she should have to around him

aksjdgsg i could ramble about autistic riza + roy for a while but i gotta go to work lmao

#riza hawkeye #roy mustang #fma #fmab #Anonymous

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mellohyi · 3 years

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i fucking hate my parents middle finger emoji /srs

theres a whole vent under the cut thats long i just gotta get this shit off my chest

oh yeah and if im missing any tags lmk, idk what tags i might need

how are you gonna go and tell your child (who is already dying because you yelled at them for not finishing food even though they quite literally found it repulsive to eat because of how it looked and they already tried to eat some anyways) they are FUCKING FAKING THEIR PROBLEMS.

im sorry i dont present the same way as my amab autistic cousin or something???? im sorry i only felt comfortable sharing it now after researching it and finally FUCKING understanding HOW THE FUCK I FUNCTION??????

fucking all that progress getting help and for what. if you are fucking reacting like that over me physically not being able to eat something because the way it looked physically repulsed me i wonder how long you were keeping that to yourself. i wonder if you only agreed to see a doctor because i was annoying you with it, and not because you were finally starting to understand where i was coming from.

i. i fucking got bullied for YEARS because of stuff i couldnt even control about myself. and you wanna go ahead and tell me those things are only a 'manifestation of me reading into it' and not actually an issue. right. i had to fucking be someone i was not for MOST OF MY FUCKING LIFE. AND YOU WANT TO GO AHEAD AND TELL ME IM ONLY SUDDENLY BEING LIKE THIS BECAUSE I READ ABOUT IT. IM SORRY FOR TRYING TO FIX IT MYSELF SO I COULD BE THE CHILD YOU WANTED. IM FUCKING SORRY I GUESS. SHOULDVE BEEN LIKE MY COUSIN WHEN HE WAS ONE FOR YOU TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE ME I GUESS. SORRY I DONT FUCKING PRESENT TO YOUR STANDARDS I GUESS.

my mum. my mum said shes not believing me until my gp says its an issue. she said shes not 'buying it until a doctor says it'. fun fucking fact!!! the problem exists before you see a fucking doctor!!! the reason why you fucking go to see the doctor is, shocker, because YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM. fuck off if you are seriously going to say that shit i might as well say you dont have depression unless i hear it come from a fucking doctor. no fucking wonder she got post partum depression after i was fucking born. no. fucking. wonder.

if there wasnt a problem i wouldnt have been referred to camhs by my gp or to some place to be assessed by camhs. if anything im shocked camhs even referred me somewhere, last time they just said im depressed and then discharged me. they didnt even provide me anything other than 'you said you are suicidal. are you suicidal? are you going to hurt yourself?' and thats fucking it. i couldve gotten help months ago if my school did something but they forgot about it the first time and the second time also told me its not an actual problem and i just need to study more.

my parents even told me im just making it up. as if i dont already think that. ive struggled with not knowing what was wrong with myself for years. and even then i still told myself i was being ridiculous and couldnt actually feel that way. the problems didnt just suddenly appear because i read about it. ive been a really picky eater my whole life, ive just learnt how to hide it over time because of you always telling me 'this isnt a restaurant' and other shit like that. but no, go ahead and tell me that my cousin would only eat toast and compare me to that. ignore the fact you made me feel like i needed to hide how i felt.

i used to struggle a lot with following rules and i always felt like i had to follow them perfectly and so did everyone else. so i guess im sorry for not lashing out at school and being disrupted as a child? even though i did almost hurt someone as a result of all the bottled up anger i had as a result and only realised i was about to hurt them when someone found me, thats a whole different story though i guess. im sorry for not presenting how you expected me to present even though its LITERALLY CALLED A SPECTRUM FOR A REASON??????????????????????????????????????????????????????

also telling me im only just suddenly hating textures is dumb please dont tell me you have forgotten the phase i had where i literally exclusively wore leggings because any other pants felt gross... and struggling to buy me jeans for years because they all made me feel gross... because thats kinda embarassing of you <3 try harder to fakeclaim my issues next time!!

oh and dont give me some donut type thing to say sorry for yelling at me <3 your actions are not forgiveable and im never going to forgive you. i forgave you easily when you guys used to hit me and stuff but im not being lenient anymore x

i mean if you pay for ranboo merch when it drops tomorrow like that one time you bought me a sims 4 expansion pack when it dropped because you knew i was excited for it and you had pretty much beaten me up the day before,,, i'll consider it (/j it genuinely isnt forgivable and theres no exceptions buddy,,, but you can still buy me merch!)

#vent post #tw caps #tw vent #tw ableism #the thoughts of mellohyi

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shyperfectioncollectionme-blog · 7 years

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Hello, all!

Now I write a letter to the world,

High school is over and done with. These last 4 years have left an indelible influence on my life. In the end, I was actually grateful for quite a few things I experienced. The biggest thing I walk away with is now my present sense of self-worth.

It's easy to feel insecure in high school if it wasn't thousands of books, tv shows, and musicals wouldn't exist today. I bore you with going my sob story about being bullied in high school because in some way or another we all have that story. We were all are treated less than kindly by other students and we all did the same to each other. Part of that has to do with growing maturity levels and it doesn't help that we millennials were brought up in the information age.

After all the wrong and good I did, I realized that NOBODY is a professional at being human, normal, or respected. Whether or not you're the cutting edge of your peer group or just a shy autistic kid drawing alone in the lunch room; you are not a professional. For four years I did everything I could in order to undo my image of being less than a loser. I failed more and more I soured in and out of cliques and social groups and nothing truly satisfied me. I cried and cried for things to change and nothing ever did.

My senior year in high school, I finally did manage to make a change that I felt would make me the cool dude of my dreams. I got a job. I was a Bagger at a locally owned grocery store in town. This is was it, time to become awesome! I lasted one month. In the end, I called into work with a tear rolling down my face and gave a shaky excuse for why I couldn't keep coming in anymore. This was it, this was the thing that finally shattered my pursuit. I was broken inside, so like a miss-fitt toy, I sailed off to an uncharted island where nobody could find me. I called this island my room. I locked myself inside and I was determined to stay there until the hurt was gone.

When that would happen was anyone's guess, but graduation was fast approaching and I felt an urge that I gotta do something with my life. So I was prescribed some new medication and started attending a weekly therapy session. I figured since I'm such a screw-up I should do what all screw ups do, get help! In the beginning, I saw myself as the borderline mental patient, who was just reaching out for dear life. But, I began to change in the most un-excepted ways!

When I spoke to these doctors I felt something I never really had before self-worth. When I talked about my past traumas, my present insecurities, and my future hopes, they treated them like they had value. Like I have value. I would leave therapy sessions with an odd mixture of confusion and acceptance. Suddenly, I was just like everybody else made in the image of God beautiful, earnest, and just as capable of following my dreams as anyone else. But sooner or later a storm cloud would blow over my head again and I was right back to square one. Sh*t!

This back and forth went on and on, until after graduation. When I finally held my diploma in hand a sort of invisible lightning bolt struck me on the side of the head and I finally realized what I had to do to be a happy person. Not a COOL person, but a HAPPY person. I had to marry myself. I was done dating me and decided to make an honest man out of myself and tye the knot. (I mean this figuratively!)

For better or for worse I am who I am. As long as I try my best, I have no need to feel guilt or shame very long. I know I am a good person because of my actions and that doesn't change if I mess up because I said: "I DO." That means after every mess up, I dust myself off and keep going because I'm ok and I know the love I have for myself is not going to waiver. Because I can't lose my own being, can I? When I'm healthy I'm going to cheer myself on to keep going. When I'm sick, I'll play doctor until I'm back to health. I'll ask for help and doesn't make me less of a person, I'll talk openly and honestly about my autism as it is just a part of that makes more beautiful in the eyes of God. For better or for worse. I committed to myself until I meet my natural end!

I know what your thinking. Another loser who is just proclaiming self-help as a way to fix all issues. We've all walked down the isle of self-help books and been confused by the jargon these people throw out. I am saying this as a human being. All things are transient, the world is cruel, and it goes by much too fast. So with these cruel facts of life as they are and not changing anytime soon. I say that if you lose everything else at one point or another if you stare up into the night sky and feel a void( as we all do) then making a commitment of love to the one thing you can't lose and the only thing you take into eternity: YOURSELF.

Whether you believe you are worth it or not, you've all you got in the end. So take care of yourself. Love yourself as much as you can and do everyone else a favor by treating them as you like to be treated. You can't sacrifice others to yourself. If you do then your back on the road to self-destruction. Do the best you can, but the world is cruel. But as long as you love yourself you'll strive to the horizon. You'll get knocked down and know it's not always your fault then get back up. You'll make personal changes to be a better person and it's not because of your a bad person. It's because you're a human being and you can attach a greater meaning to your life than just trying to pull yourself up by your boot straps and not mess up again(you will). In short, you'll survive.

Go to doctors and ask for help! They'll help you know and understand yourself and then you'll take care of yourself. Once you start taking care of yourself then you'll know truly at heart you are not a bad person. That you have the power to make decisions and decisions change your life and once you've changed your life you realize it can be almost anything you want it to be. You can be a happy person and you have the power to see the silver lining of any situattion. This isn't permission to do others wrong, this is permission to give yourself the right you've all desired in life. The answer is YES to the question of can I survive as long as I love myself. But, you'll see as you change that now that you're married to yourself you know how to treat and care for others as human beings made in the image of God. So you'll reach out(at your own pace and find people that eventually suit you and help you grow. But in the end you only can rely on yourself, so make sure you've said: "I DO."

SORRY, THIS IS SO LONG, I JUST GOT ON AN TANGENT AND THIS IS THE RESULT. IM NOT SAYING ALL OF THIS IS IS A PERFECT INTERPRETATION OF MY LIFE OR YOURS IT'S JUST THE BEST I GOT. I THINK MY FIRST POST SHOULD STATE MY CURRENT REFECTIONS ON HUMANITY. THIS POST IS ACTUALLY SHORT COMPARED TO ALL THE THINGS I COULD WRITE ABOUT BEING MARRIED TO SELF, BUT YOU REALLY WOULDN'T READ IT. I AM NOT EVEN SO SURE HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL READ ALL OF THIS.

Thank you all, you read this all the way through. I'll write again soon, about things probably not so personal. I don't like being this candid so much.

ByeBye!

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